A common term for late-in-life divorcees, is ‘gray divorce’. This essentially means that once your kids have flown the coop, started families of their own, and started their respective lives— you decide to get that divorce you’ve always considered. Many parents put off divorce as a means of keeping their family together, and keeping their kids happy. However, what you’ll learn as adult children of divorce— is that it’s never too easy to understand. Adult children of divorce deal with the separation in their own way, and even though they’re adults—their feelings are still valid.
Adult Children of Divorce: Why They’re Angry
Your marriage was their model
One big issue that many adult children of divorce run into, is that they used your marriage as a model for success. Chances are, if you two held it together this long— you are selfless, loving, compassionate people who (on the surface) made a great image for your children to follow. They likely took from you in creating a marriage, a home, and a foundation for their own families. So, when they see your marriage unraveling, it can make an adult child second guess their own marriage, and the values they hold dear to it.
They feel conflicted
As an adult child of divorce, you might feel as if you aren’t allowed to mourn this loss. After all, you have a family of your own now, a marriage of your own— but they’re still your parents. You’ve never known them to be any different than together, and happy. However, this new era is approaching an you don’t know how you feel about it. This is completely normal, as this time is jarring for anyone involved. The best thing a divorcing parent can do, even at this age, is withhold all of the anger, hurt, and feelings from your children. You don’t want to change their opinions of each parent. Some things do not change from one age to the next.
Don’t let these things deter you from doing what needs to be done
Your kids, at any age, will feel the effects of your divorce in one way or another. While we hate to subject our children to hardship, in this case, it is necessary. You have to live your life in an authentic, peaceful way— and you can’t do that in an unhappy marriage. While gray divorce often receives it’s now category, the reasoning behind it is no different.