When you go through a divorce, your whole life gets uprooted. Your home, the dog, your belongings, your love life… everything changes or goes away. Going through a divorce as a parent is very tough; you have to tell your kids, split time, and do the custody shuffle. So, when someone you know is divorcing without kids, it can be easy to dismiss their struggle as less than. And sure, divorcing without children has a few particular upsides. But, it’s still a divorce, and it’s still very emotionally taxing….
Divorcing Without Kids: What Makes It just as Difficult?
When you picture a divorce as an outsider, you see kids, a house, a car, maybe a family business. but, divorce doesn’t look like that for everyone. Instead, it can really just look like two people, without much, that have fallen out of love. Maybe you haven’t gotten around to the kids yet, or maybe it was a conscious decision. But, it’s important to understand that you’re not alone in this. You might be wondering why you’re feeling so in a rut? Why people are dismissing your divorce almost as a bad breakup? And why you’ve felt so isolated…
When divorcing without kids, it can be hard to find motivation
When you have children and are going through divorce, you have to dust yourself off and get back up. You have no choice; there are little people waiting on you to carry on as normal for their sake. But, when divorcing without kids, you don’t have that same requirement. Therefore, it can be easy to fall into a hard slump. For parents, their purpose lies in their children. So, it makes it easier to feel like things will get better, and more quickly. But, that can be difficult without a motivator such as this.
People see your pain as lesser than
Just because you don’t have kids running around, doesn’t mean your divorce wasn’t awful, and horrible, and heartbreaking. So many times, these divorcee’s will hear, “just be glad you didn’t have kids to deal with too,” and sure, that’s a valid point. Having to tell your kids, split your time, and cope with them through this would be tough— but it’s tough on your own too.
You might be worried about ever having kids now
You had your heart set on your marriage, and eventually building a family with that person. Now, you have to start all over, and you might be worried. Am I running out of time? Will I ever be a mother/father? Have I ruined my shot? This feeling can be scary, especially as you begin to age. But, you still have time and options. Worry not.
Try to see the good in this
You have a unique opportunity in your adult life to make a decision solely for you. Relocate, make a big change, go on a month long vacation— you have an opportunity that many don’t come by. While it’s not ideal, and doesn’t make your situation feel any lesser— try and look at the upsides of it. We’d advise any parent to do the same— look at the positives of your particular situation. We wish you luck as you move forward din this difficult times, and offer our services if you may need them.