Dealing with family conflict over the holidays is never fun. And with an election just barely over this year, things might be more intense than usual. If you anticipate that you might be dealing with some arguments or heated discussions with your family, prepare yourself mentally ahead of time. Try to avoid polarizing topics, and set boundaries about what you will and will not be discussing. Stay calm if things start to become combative by trying to regulate your tone and body language. Deep breathing or taking a short break can help you calm down when needed. Pivot the conversation to something less controversial, and have some topics in mind just in case. Finally, if you need to, walk away from a conflict. Or, if you feel that your family will not be respectful of your boundaries, it’s okay to set limits on how much time you spend with certain people. Taking care of your mental health and enjoying the holidays are the most important things.
Dealing with Family Conflict Over the Holidays: Keep the Peace
Avoid Polarizing Topics
Dealing with family conflict tends to become more of an issue if your family is prone to discussing polarizing topics. For example, things like parenting, politics, or religion. If you feel like your loved ones will probably want to discuss something like this with you, you can set a boundary early on. Simply say that you aren’t going to be engaging in political conversations. If they don’t respect that boundary, you can choose to walk away.
Stay Calm and Take Breaks
It’s also important to regulate your body when dealing with family conflict. Keeping your posture neutral can be helpful, so avoid standing with arms aggressively folded, pointing, or using dramatic hand motions. Try to keep your voice calm, even, and in a moderate volume. Even when you get angry. Often, the louder we are, the less people actually hear. Finally, try to practice deep breathing and relaxing your muscles if you are feeling tense to help calm your sympathetic nervous system down..
Pivot the Conversation
It’s always helpful to keep a few safe topics in your back pocket in case your family is intent on turning things into an argument. Come prepared with some things to talk about that don’t involve controversial topics. For example, plans for New Year’s, any upcoming trips, or how your children are doing in school.
Walk Away
Finally, if you’re dealing with family conflict over the holidays, sometimes you just have to walk away. Especially if your loved ones aren’t being respectful of you or your boundaries. Often, people feel obligated to see family over the holidays, even to the detriment of their mental wellbeing. If you feel like you need to take some time apart from family, it’s okay to prioritize your mental health. You can always come back next year, or go for a visit another time.
Dealing with family conflict over the holidays is likely something that a lot of people are going to be experiencing in the coming weeks. Especially in the wake of an intense political situation in our country. If you suspect that your family will be trying to pull you into disagreements or political conversations that you don’t want to be having, it’s best to go into events with a game plan. You can set boundaries up front about topics you aren’t willing to engage in. Setting boundaries I doesn’t mean that you are trying to control other people’s behavior, it just means that you are deciding what you are and aren’t willing to engage with. Try to keep things neutral by paying attention to your body language, tone of voice, and breathing. If you feel like you are getting overheated, take a short break and practice deep breathing exercises to calm down. Come prepared with some topics to pivot to if things start to get controversial. And finally, don’t feel guilty about walking away from certain events, or avoiding them altogether. You can always reconnect with your family later, but if you need to take some space for your mental health, do it. You deserve to have the holiday season you want free from any conflict or awkward conversations.