In your first year as a divorcee, there is a lot to be learned. From living alone, to dividing time with the kids, and dating again— there are a lot of firsts to be had and mistakes to be made. There’s no shame in this, you’re in uncharted territory. To be honest, when you’re on the outside looking in on this situation, it is easy to say that someone is doing it wrong or doing it right. But really, this first year should be all about you (and your kids if you have them, obviously) and there is no right way to do it.
So we’re here to give you a list of things to reminders for your first year as a newly divorced single. From discarding bad advice, to developing a routine of self-love and care— there are a few things that you need to remember and do just for you.
Reminders for Your First Year as a Divorcee: You’re NOT Doing It Wrong
#1 Dating Isn’t Terrible
The one thing you always hear married folk say is: “dating in this day and age sounds terrible,” and sure, we’ve all had our fair share of bad dates— but dating is not terrible. You’re meeting new people, you’re exploring yourself, and you’re having fun. None of that is terrible just because it isn’t comfortable.
#2 You Don’t Have to Hold it Together
Be mad. Sad. Happy. Be whatever is comfortable. As we’ve said, this time is new for you. You are entitled to feel however the hell it is that you need to feel. There is no shame in spending two days in bed, just remember to bathe before entering the outside world. There is also no shame in going out and having a wild night with your girlfriends (or guy friends. Hello to whoever is out there reading this), just make sure that you or someone else is getting you home safe.
#3 Your Relationship With Your Kids is Not On the Rocks Forever
Sure, there is always that period of weirdness. For everyone. Your kids might act out, they might be confused, but communicating with them about what’s happening is healthy. Being able to share how you’re feeling and letting them do the same, can be therapeutic. Remember that your children are learning from how you handle situations such as these. Being open, being close, and being honest can really help both you and your children to develop stronger relationships with each other and with others.
#4 You Did Not Fail
Your marriage is over, your marriage failed. You as a person, did not fail. Don’t beat yourself up about this for months and months to come. The process of divorce is grueling enough, putting yourself through the ringer in this first year, which is already tough enough, isn’t going to make you feel better.
#5 Focus on What You’ve Gained
A divorce is not all about the bad stuff. Think about it, you and your ex have decided to put yourselves first for once. While the road to this point might have been bumpy, you’ve gained a lot in what you lost. You have an independence, a fresh start, and a chance to create something new. Make the most of this, and focus in on the good stuff.