Wanting Children: My Spouse Changed Their Mind

One of the central topics for most married couples, is when will you begin having kids? The general population just seems to assume that every couple will eventually procreate, and build a family of their own. Maybe this has always been something that’s very important to you, and you could never see yourself not becoming a mother/father. However, lately, your spouse has begun to shift their opinion on children. Suddenly, you’re feeling blindsided, and heartbroken, at the thought of not creating your own family. After all, you can compromise on a lot as a couple, but wanting children (and not wanting children) is a tough issue to make both parties happy on. So, what do you do? How do you address an issue that is so large, and overcome it together? 

Wanting Children: My Spouse Changed Their Mind

As we’ve mentioned briefly above, this is an issue that can be hard to find compromise on. After all, you’ve always pictured yourself with a family. Maybe two kids, three, four, or more. You’ve pictured family dinners, building traditions with your spouse and children… We often have large expectations for our future, and kids are a common goal for adults and married couples. So, when it seems like the tide has shifted, it can be a hard issue for couples to overcome. 

Childhood experiences often affect us in different ways 

As we get older, we begin to see our past in a different light. We understand things differently, feel experiences differently, and it helps us to make these big decisions. Maybe your spouse always considered having children, but over time— they considered a few different factors and put the idea to bed. Maybe finances aren’t what they had hoped, maybe illness runs in the family, or maybe they just don’t feel like they’ll ever be ready. No matter the reason, when one of you is wanting children— and the other has lost their desire, it can be hard to reach an end that everyone will be fully happy with.

Where do we go from here? 

When your spouse comes to you with the news that they no longer want children, your future may begin to feel a little lonely. After all, you had big plans, and likely were hoping to start reaching that future sometime soon. So, the first step is obviously to communicate with your spouse. Consider the fact that they did want kids sometime before, and now they don’t. 

Address their concerns, see if their holdup is an issue that you can tackle together, and express your feelings on the matter. You never know if they’re just doubting their abilities, their family line, or the relationship itself. By communicating over these issues, you can decide together whether or not you’ll be able to overcome this issue 

If you both are not willing to give… 

You know, and have always known, that you will be a mother/father someday. So when your spouse decides otherwise, and is firm in that decision, you have to make a choice… Ultimately, you have to decide what’s more important to you: creating a family, or your spouse. By addressing your concerns, and reaching a decision with your spouse, you will likely also come to a decision on your marriage as a whole. 

We wish you luck in this difficult time. Furthermore, we offer our condolences for the hardship, and extend our services if you find that you may need them.