Being a Better Parent: Viewing Divorce as a Positive for Kids

No one plans to become a divorced parent when they starting having children. After all, most people decide to have children at a rather joyous point in their life or, even, at a time when they feel like their marriage needs a savior. However, after having your children, you and your spouse come to the decision that a divorce is what’s best for everyone. Inevitably, as a parent, you will begin to fear what divorce means for your children. You will likely automatically begin to think about the negatives when considering parenting with your spouse through, and after, a divorce. However, there are plenty of ways that divorce can make you a better parent …

Being a Better Parent: Viewing Divorce as a Positive for Kids

The idea that putting your children through a divorce can be good for them, might seem a little counterintuitive. While a divorce is never easy for anyone involved, the outcome can be if you go about it in a healthy way. Think about it: If you’re marriage is in the kind of shape that requires a divorce for you both to be happy, then your marriage isn’t really benefiting your children anyways. Therefore, a divorce might give you both the kind of freedom, and improved outlook, that you need to be a great parent. 

You can better align your values to your parenting style 

When you’re living in a marriage that is unhealthy, and considering divorce— you’re likely lying to your children in some regard. Or, you’re at least living in a way that is contrary to the morals you teach. We always tell our children to be truthful to the people they care about. But, when you’re considering a divorce, you often try to portray the normal, every day relationship you have with your spouse. While this is for your childrens’ sake, it’s also inauthentic. 

Your children get to understand you better as parents and people

When telling your children about your divorce, you have to get pretty honest, pretty quickly. There are some aspects of your divorce that will remain between spouses. However, there is also a lot of explaining that you’ll have to do when it comes to your kids. By sharing the divorce with them, and having an open discussion as a family, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of eachother, and the divorce itself. This part of the process can be particularly therapeutic, shocking, and difficult to make it through. However, it is necessary. 

You’re teaching your children how to be strong, to rebuild, and to make the best of a bad situation 

Your children will likely be upset for a while in one way or another. But, eventually they will come around and begin to better understand the world around them. A divorce is difficult. But, often, the year or two afterwards can be even more difficult. You’re reorienting your life, learning how to run a household by yourself, and becoming financially self-sufficient. Making this transition can be hard. Especially if you were the homemaker in your marriage. However, it’s a test of wills, strength, and courage that your children will be party to. 

Becoming a better parent post-divorce can have a different meaning than it does when you’re married. You have to do the tough stuff, be good cop and bad cop, and handle a difficult situation with grace. No one said you have it easy. But, you do have the most rewarding job in the world, and a new lease on life…