Category: post-divorce

Divorce Prep: What to Consider

The more you’re prepared for something, the more likely it is to go well. This same principal applies to your divorce as well. Taking the proper steps of divorce prep can help you save yourself time, money, and stress. It’ll take some work, but it’ll be well worth it in the end…

Divorce Prep: What to Consider

Sort out your emotions

The first part of proper divorce prep is sorting out your emotions. Divorce is a very emotional time for all parties involved. Letting your emotions get out of hand can turn your divorce into a messy and complicated process. 

Of course, you shouldn’t try and act like a robot with no emotions during this time either. It’s all about finding the right, healthy balance of how you feel and how to process said feelings. Joining a support group or meeting with a therapist are good ways to help you get more control over your emotions. 

Start Organizing

Getting yourself organized is another part of proper divorce prep. Documents are a crucial component of divorce. This means you’ll have to get together tax returns, W-2 forms, bank statements, and a whole host of other documents. 

However, getting them together now means less work and cost to you in the long run. Divorce can leave you feeling distracted as you’ll have so many things you’ll need to do. Going into divorce organized will help you feel much more focused even as things start to pick up. 

Plan out the costs

Divorce can be a costly endeavor. Hidden costs can sneak up on you and make you pay way more than you originally estimated. That’s why it’s important to figure out your finances and make a plan around them.

Remember, you’ll have to start paying divorce costs on top of your already existing expenses. You’ll also need to plan out how much money you’ll need after the divorce is over as well. Balancing your budget is one of the best ways to make your divorce go much smoother than expected. 

Divorce prep is all about getting yourself ready for the divorce process ahead. Going through a divorce can be a lengthy and difficult time. Therefore, you’ll want to set yourself up for success as much as possible.

Valentine’s Day Post-Divorce

If you’ve just recently divorced, then it might be a while before you try dating again. That means you might wonder how to handle that first Valentine’s Day post-divorce. However, there’s a couple different things you can do for yourself…

Valentine’s Day Post-Divorce

Treat yourself

A lot of people tend to beat themselves up on their first Valentine’s Day post-divorce. They’ll spend the day thinking about when their relationship was good, and that now they won’t or don’t deserve to find something better. Of course, that’s not the kind of mindset you should take on.

Rather, it’s better to spend the day treating yourself and boosting that confidence. One small bump in the road doesn’t dictate the rest of your life. Take the day to relax and enjoy it your way. You’ll begin to feel a whole lot better about yourself, and your future.

Be with the kids

If those feelings of loneliness are really creeping up on you on your first Valentine’s Day post-divorce, then it helps to be with those who love. So who better than your kids? Odds are, your kids might feel a little awkward today as well, considering they’re probably used to seeing you and your ex celebrate.

This is a great time to help reaffirm to your kids how much you love them. Plus, there’s a lot of different ways you can spend the day with them. Spending this day together can strengthen your bond, and help them start to feel “normal” again after the divorce.

Meet up with friends

What if you do if you’re feeling lonely, but don’t have kids to celebrate Valentine’s Day post-divorce with? In this case, it’s time to meet up with some friends. Your friends were probably a major source of support during your divorce. What better way to show your appreciation by spending time with them?

Maybe you and your friends decide to go out and celebrate in your own way. Still, you don’t have to do anything fancy that’ll break the bank. Rather, just getting together can be plenty. All that matters is you enjoy your time together.

Divorce Lessons: What You Can Learn

Your divorce is going to be a big life change. Like with any major change, it’s going to come with its fair share of lessons. These divorce lessons can teach you some pretty valuable things. In fact, there’s a few things in particular which you may want to take note of…

Divorce Lessons: What You Can Learn

It’s ok to not be “ok”

A lot of people try to repress the more-negative feelings that divorce brings. In their mind, they think that feeling bad isn’t “right” for some reason. However, one of the important divorce lessons to learn is that it’s just fine to feel upset, angry, or disappointed. Indeed, it’s actually an important part of your eventual recovery.

No one is ever going to feel “perfect” 100% of the time, especially after a divorce. Therefore, don’t be afraid of those stronger emotions you’re feeling. Once you accept how you feel, you can start to process those emotions and begin to shift towards positive ones. In a way, it’s like you’re building up a tolerance to negative feelings for the future.

Change Is Natural

Another one of the important lessons is about accepting change. Change is a natural part of life. In a way, divorce is just another kind of change, even if you might not be all that excited for it. That means you shouldn’t see your divorce as some sort of permanent failure.

Rather, your divorce is just one small change in the grand scheme of things. The world isn’t over just because your marriage is. Ultimately, it’s not worth it to spend too much time stuck on what you lost. Instead, try to be optimistic about the new, positive changes you can start to make yourself

Perspective is key

One of the most important divorce lessons is about perspective. How we view things influences how we feel and what we think. That means if you view your divorce in nothing but a negative way, then you’re going to feel and think negatively for the foreseeable future.

Instead of getting caught in that rut, try to look at things more positively. Think about how you won’t have to deal with your ex doing or saying things which hurt you. Also keep in mind the new sense of control you now have over your life. Changing your perspective can really help you process your divorce.

Online Dating Post-Divorce

Once you’ve given yourself some time to move on from your divorce, you might be interested in dating again. Online dating sites in particular might seem appealing, albeit intimidating. However, online dating post-divorce can be done. To help your chances, try to keep some tips in mind…

Online Dating Post-Divorce

Match & move on

One thing to avoid when doing online dating post-divorce is “pining.” That’s when you match with someone, send them a message, and then constantly wait and stress for them to get back to you. Eventually, if they don’t respond, you feel dejected and demoralized for future matches.

The thing about online dating is that the overall response rate is low. Still, this is offset by the sheer number of people who use them. Therefore, don’t obsess over every single match. Send them a message, and then move on to another potential match. It’s not worth obsessing over someone you’ve never met!

Watch for fakes

Another thing to be aware of when online dating post-divorce are fake profiles. Not everyone online is who they claim they are. Sometimes, they might be scammers who are trying to pull a fast one on you. They may try and get some kind of money out of you, or other personal info in order to access your bank accounts.

Therefore, be careful about who you talk to and what you share. After all, it’s always important to protect your privacy online. If anyone tries to ask you for some kind of money or is asking for super-specific info, then don’t take the risk. Rather, move on and block or report them.

Meet up in-person

Once you made a match while doing online dating post-divorce, don’t just keep things online only. This might seem obvious, but the reality is that nearly 1/3rd of people who match online don’t meet in-person. If you want to start off on the right foot, then you’ll want to make sure you meet in- person.

You don’t have to go on some big date or anything. Just meeting at a place like a coffee shop can be enough for you to get a feel of who they are. If things go well, then you can transition things into more in-person dates.

Types of Therapy for Depression and Anxiety

If you are seeking help for depression and anxiety, there are many different types of therapy available. Sometimes, it can take some trial and error to find the right therapist and type of therapy to suit your personality and needs. Be patient, and continue looking if the fit isn’t right.

You might consider cognitive behavioral therapy, which is the most common type of talk therapy. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy can help you address traumatic events from the past and learn to cope with them in a more healthy way. Art therapy can help you express yourself without using words, and can help you identify underlying feelings and emotions. And finally, animal therapy can allow you to cope with stress and feel the self-confidence that comes with taking care of another living creature. Hopefully, you can try different forms of therapy and find the right fit for you.

Types of Therapy for Depression and Anxiety That Can Be Helpful

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, is the most common of the types of therapy. It involves mostly just talking with a mental health professional about your experiences and emotions. Through your interactions, they’ll help you identify stress triggers in your life and learn healthy coping strategies for them. The goal of CBT is to identify negative thoughts and mind-sets, and challenge them and correct them into more healthy and realistic views.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy 

Another of the types of therapy that is getting more and more common is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, or EMDR. This was originally used for veterans experiencing PTSD, but is now used to address traumatic events of any degree. The idea behind EMDR is that when your body is experiencing emotional trauma, your brain doesn’t process the memories correctly. Therefore, they can continue to haunt you and cause anxiety for many years. EMDR aims to reprocess these memories by engaging both sides of your brain while you discuss the traumatic event by having you follow a moving light or object with your eyes. 

Art Therapy

Art therapy can be a fun way to explore your more creative side. This type of therapy allows you to explore your subconscious emotions by examining your artwork. This might include painting, drawing, sculpture, or other forms of art. A trained professional can help you identify emotional undertones, symbolism, and nonverbal messages within your artwork. You can also practice things like journaling at home to help you identify patterns in your thinking or gain more perspective on a situation. 

Animal Therapy 

Finally, one last examples of different types of therapy is animal assisted therapy, or AAT. This can involve petting, holding, or caring for a support animal like a dog, cat, bunny, or horse. The animals are trained, and you typically are guided through this therapy with a counselor. Interacting with animals can reduce blood pressure, release feel-good endorphins, and take away stress. Additionally, caring for another living creature can help you gain self-confidence.

There are many different types of therapy available for a number of mental health issues. It’s important to look around until you find the therapist and therapy that works best for you. Don’t hesitate to reach out to another counselor if the fit just doesn’t feel right. You need to feel comfortable with the person you are working with, and have confidence that they’ll help you get to a better mental space. You might consider CBT, or talk therapy to help identify and work through negative perceptions. You might also consider EMDR if you are dealing with traumatic situations from the past.

Art therapy can be a creative way to express yourself non-verbally and can reveal things you might not actually realize about yourself. And finally, animal therapy can be a soothing way to rebuild self-confidence and tackle stress. Hopefully, you can try a few different types of therapy and professionals to find the best fit for your needs.

Wedding Ring: What To Do With It?

Once you’ve made the decision to divorce, there’s going to be a lot of changes to make. One of those changes deals with what to do about your wedding ring. This can be awkward, but it’s important not to overlook this aspect of post-divorce life…

Wedding Ring: What To Do With It?

When to take it off

The hardest thing about your wedding ring can be figuring out when to stop wearing it. Now, if your divorce is mutual, then it might not be a big deal. Since you and your spouse are in agreement, it’s easier to remove the ring. However, these mutual divorces aren’t so common.

If you end up with a one-sided divorce, then your spouse might not want to talk about the divorce. Talking about your rings can be a good way to help them realize what’s going on. You can both try and come up with a date to stop wearing them, which helps you both start to “let go” at the same time.

Sell or keep?

Once you have taken your wedding ring off, it seems like just another piece of jewelry. However, this isn’t always the case. Often times, they’re more expensive purchases than other jewelry pieces, and carry a lot of sentiment. Plus, many times both spouses end up wanting the other to get rid of the ring after the divorce.

So what do you do with the ring? You can choose to sell them, but keep in mind you won’t get the original value of the ring back. Still, it can be better than letting it sit, and the money can help cover divorce-related costs. If you have kids, you can hold on to it to give to them later down the line.

Family importance

A lot of spouses will buy their wedding ring at a jewelry store specifically for their partner. However, sometimes these rings are passed down from generation to generation. In these cases, these rings have much more sentimental value than others, and are harder to just get rid of.

The best thing to do is ask your spouse if they would like the ring back. Odds are it still means a lot to them, and they would appreciate the gesture. That can be a great way to start your post-divorce relationship on the right foot, especially if you have to co-parent.

How-to Take a Break From Dating After Divorce

When your divorce is finalized, you may be tempted to jump right back into the dating pool. Some people even start looking for new prospects while they are only just separated. While it may seem like a good idea to put yourself back out there right away, it may actually be better to take a break from dating after divorce. That way, you can give yourself some time for yourself and hopefully set yourself up for success when you do get back into looking for a partner.

How-to Take a Break From Dating After Divorce: Taking Time For Yourself

Emotional Healing

Divorce can be mentally, physically, and emotionally draining. You will likely carry a lot of hurt with you. Before you are ready to commit yourself to another person, it is best to work through your pain and emotions. This will prevent you from carrying that hurt into your next relationship, and potentially sabotaging it. The same may happen if you are overly suspicious or bitter right after your divorce. Do not try and look for a partner right away in order to mask your pain. If you have not dealt with your emotions, they are bound to come boiling back up at some point. Some people think they have to be in a relationship in order to be happy. This is not the case. If you have not worked through your emotions, it is best to take a break from dating after divorce.

Instead, work towards healing emotionally. You can talk to a councilor or a trusted friend. Also, work towards being the best version of yourself that you can be. Meditation, exercise, reading, and taking time to relax are all good for your wellbeing and mental health.

Occupy Your Time

Find things other than dating to distract you and occupy your time after a divorce. Pick up a new hobby or work on self-improvement during this time. Who knows, you could end up sharing your new hobbies with your future partner one day. There were things that did not work during your last relationship, so this is the perfect time to look within and try and correct those things so that you can avoid those bad habits or traits when going into a new relationship.

If you take a break from dating after divorce, choose to spend time with friends for companionship. This will help you stay busy with events and things to do instead of looking to date. Even if your friends are all in relationships, try and carve out good one-on-one time to spend with your friends too.

Instead of looking for a new relationship just after a divorce, take this time to work on yourself and find other things to occupy your time. Instead of jumping into a new relationship that is all wrong, take a break from dating after divorce. While it may seem difficult at the time, you will appreciate the time to yourself eventually.

How-to Navigate Milestone Events Post-Divorce

A milestone event is a special event that does not pop up very often. These can include celebrations such as births, weddings, baptisms and graduations. Typically, these are joyous events with much celebration. However, as a divorcee, these events can be complicated and painful. Oftentimes, you may have to share the event with your ex, and even their new family. Learn how to navigate milestone events post-divorce.

How-to Navigate Milestone Events Post-Divorce: Overcoming Difficult Situations

Weddings

A wedding is an event that a child will want both of their parents to be there for. This can be trickier one of the milestone events when it comes to divorcees, as this is not something that the exes can show up for at different times or days. Not all exes are bitter and feel awkward around one another. However, when this is the case, it can get complicated. If you feel that you would be uncomfortable sitting near your ex, address this with your child and see if it is possible to get a seating assignment away from your ex.

Do your best to remember that this event about your child and their new spouse, not you! It would be hurtful to your child if you ruined their wedding fighting, rudeness, or barely contained frustrations. If you need to vent to someone, do so before the event. Take this opportunity to be cordial towards your ex. This does not mean you have to hang out with them all night, but at least do not cause drama.

Births

The birth of a grandchild is another one of the milestone events you may have to navigate post-divorce. If both you and your ex want to be present at the birth, you will have to see your ex. If you and your ex are comfortable with this, there should not be any issues. However, if you believe there will be tension, it may be best to split the visits.

You do not have to come in town at the same time as your ex, or show up at the hospital (or your child’s home) at the same time as your ex. There will be plenty of time with your child and the new baby to go around. Check in with what your child wants, as having a baby can be a joyous but also stressful moment. If you are on speaking terms with your ex, you could even communicate with them directly.

While big milestone events may take a little extra thought and planning on your end, it is possible to attend these events even after you are divorced. Consider what your child wants and try and make the situation as stress-free and easy for them as you can.

How-to Regain Self-Confidence After a Divorce

Divorce can be painful in many ways. It can hurt your pride, heart, mind, and even self-confidence. It can change the way you view yourself, and make you feel like you have lost your identity. Having a change in marital status does not define you. Do not ever think that a divorce impacts your value or your self-worth. Here are some steps to take to regain your self-confidence after a divorce.

How-to Regain Self-Confidence After a Divorce: Redefining Yourself

Change Your Mindset

One of the first steps to regaining your self-confidence after a divorce is to change your mindset. No matter how you may feel, remind yourself that you are not a failure due to your divorce. Also, your marriage was not a failure. Many people go through this same thing, so it is important to know that not all marriages last. Change your mindset to look as this journey as one of courage. It takes a lot of courage to step out of something that was not working, especially something that was familiar and comfortable. You are now entering into this new phase of life with the gift and benefit of experience.

Your Children

It is important to remember that your children are not automatically irreparably damaged just because you got divorced. Actually, living in an environment full of fighting and anger can be harmful to children. Therefore, it may actually be better for your children’s wellbeing that you left the bad relationship and removed them from the negative environment. What will leave a lasting impression on your kids is how you handle the divorce process. Do your best to walk through it with dignity and respect, never slandering your ex in front of your kids. Understanding that your choice to leave a relationship does not automatically make you a bad parent or ruin your children is an important part of regaining your self-confidence after a divorce.

Be Active

Exercise is linked to endorphins, which can make you feel happier. Plus, it will make you healthier, both mentally and physically. Find an activity that you enjoy, whether it is walking, running, cycling, doing yoga, or any other option. If you are new to this activity, this might help you find a new community to become a part of. In the same way, if you have already participated in the activity before, it can help you reconnect or be surrounded with a community of people you have something in common with.

An added bonus to exercise is that you will look and feel better. When you move, you will mentally start to feel better. On top of that, you will start seeing positive changes to your overall health and body. When you start to notice positive changes in how you look and feel, you will start to regain your self-confidence after a divorce.

Advanced Co-Parenting: Stepping Up Your Game and Collaboration 

Co-parenting can be made simple if both parents are being collaborative. However, as you, your former spouse, and your children grow as people and get older, you might find that the plan you’ve started with, needs a little bit of adjustment. Now that you’ve become pro’s at co-parenting, it’s time to kick it up a notch. We’ll call this time of reevaluation advanced co-parenting. After all, the things you’re dealing with now that you have older children, can be much more difficult, and require a more hands-on approach from both of you…

Advanced Co-Parenting: Stepping Up Your Game and Collaboration 

When you and your spouse divorced and made a plan for co-parenting, your children likely had a little bit less going on then than they do now. Especially if your children were toddlers, the introduction of new activities, commitments, and wants can being about necessary changes to how you and your former spouse are doing things… If you and your spouse were already successful at co-parenting before, making necessary changes doesn’t have to be a big production. Instead, it can be a natural progression. Not to mention, it should be easier to cooperate after years of doing the same song and dance.

Financial decisions will increase 

As your children get older, the financial requirements can become a bit more intense. For instance, buying a car, prom expenses, cell phones, college funds, interests, develop specific needs, and so forth. In short, when kids get older— the expenses can become tenfold. Therefore, making adjustments due to their needs, as well as current financials, is a pretty necessary step to helping both parents, and the child/children prosper. 

Relationship changes and growth 

As your children become young adults, they’ll start to make their own decisions. Those decisions might affect the current custody agreement that you’ve been following. Maybe your son has started playing football, and the games are every Friday night when they typically stay at Mom’s. On the flip side, maybe your daughter wants to spend Spring Break at the beach, instead of at Dad’s house. Letting your children make decisions, and also learn how to compromise, is a key part of becoming a successful adult. Tell your children to find ways to make up for their breaking a commitment. For example, since daughter wants to spend Spring Break at the beach with friends, offer Dad an extra week in the summer. 

Parenting will never be easy, or stay the same 

As your children grow, you can expect changes. Changes in opinion, habits, activities, interests, and preference. These things are to be expected, and it often means making adjustments and having conversations that you’d rather not have. However, after taking so much time as co-parents, these methods in advanced co-parenting should be a breeze…