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Tag: adult children of divorce

Adult Child Coping Methods

Divorce is always going to be hard on a couple’s kids, whether they’re younger or older. For the latter in particular, it’s helpful for them to know adult child coping methods. These methods can help them handle the divorce and the other responsibilities they have…

Adult Child Coping Methods

Avoid taking sides

One of the good adult child coping methods to use is remaining neutral. Divorce is always an unfortunate situation, especially when it happens in your own family. Still, you need to keep in mind that this isn’t your divorce. Instead, this is something your parents need to settle.

It’s not healthy for you to start picking sides in the divorce. This can he hard, especially considering you’re an adult now. However, while you can offer your support, just make sure it’s within the proper limits. You don’t want to get yourself too involved in the process itself.

Set your boundaries

Clear boundaries are another example of good adult child coping methods. As an adult, you’ll have other responsibilities to worry about now. This could include things like school, work, or your own family’s needs. It can be hard to balance these properly if your parents only lean on you for support.

That’s why you need to establish clear boundaries with them. They need to be aware of the other things you have to deal with too. While it’s certainly fine to help them, you can’t be their only source of support. They need to build strong, healthy support networks instead.

Don’t allow it to define you

A common problem adult children of divorcing parents experience is feeling like they’ll follow their parent’s footsteps. This can have a serious impact on their future relationships and how they view marriage. Due to this, it’s important to not buy into this kind of thinking as another of the adult child coping methods.

Remember that while we learn a lot from our parents, we’re still our own people. In fact, this can be a good time to learn what you should avoid doing in a relationship. While you don’t need every detail, seeing some of the issues your parents faced can help you be better prepared for if you encounter them yourself.

Adult Children of Divorce: Why They’re Angry 

A common term for late-in-life divorcees, is ‘gray divorce’. This essentially means that once your kids have flown the coop, started families of their own, and started their respective lives— you decide to get that divorce you’ve always considered. Many parents put off divorce as a means of keeping their family together, and keeping their kids happy. However, what you’ll learn as adult children of divorce— is that it’s never too easy to understand. Adult children of divorce deal with the separation in their own way, and even though they’re adults—their feelings are still valid. 

Adult Children of Divorce: Why They’re Angry 

Your marriage was their model 

One big issue that many adult children of divorce run into, is that they used your marriage as a model for success. Chances are, if you two held it together this long— you are selfless, loving, compassionate people who (on the surface) made a great image for your children to follow. They likely took from you in creating a marriage, a home, and a foundation for their own families. So, when they see your marriage unraveling, it can make an adult child second guess their own marriage, and the values they hold dear to it. 

They feel conflicted 

As an adult child of divorce, you might feel as if you aren’t allowed to mourn this loss. After all, you have a family of your own now, a marriage of your own— but they’re still your parents. You’ve never known them to be any different than together, and happy. However, this new era is approaching an you don’t know how you feel about it. This is completely normal, as this time is jarring for anyone involved. The best thing a divorcing parent can do, even at this age, is withhold all of the anger, hurt, and feelings from your children. You don’t want to change their opinions of each parent. Some things do not change from one age to the next. 

Don’t let these things deter you from doing what needs to be done 

Your kids, at any age, will feel the effects of your divorce in one way or another. While we hate to subject our children to hardship, in this case, it is necessary. You have to live your life in an authentic, peaceful way— and you can’t do that in an unhappy marriage. While gray divorce often receives it’s now category, the reasoning behind it is no different.