Dealing with Emotional Abuse

Dealing with emotional abuse in a relationship can be a difficult journey, however, you must get the help you need. If your partner is abusive physically or emotionally, you need to try to get help. Otherwise, you will stay unhappy forever. Find somebody you trust and ask for their help. Focus on yourself and find things that give you confidence. Avoid engaging with your abuser and set boundaries with them. And while doing all of this, try to work out an exit plan for leaving the relationship. Abusers rarely stop their abuse, and sometimes it can escalate into more dangerous situations. Get the help you need to get out of the relationship so that you can find somebody who will respect you more.

Dealing with Emotional Abuse: How to Feel Better

Get Support from Somebody You Trust

When dealing with emotional abuse, it’s helpful to find a support person that you trust. Go to a close friend or family member and tell them what has been going on. Hopefully, they can help you find a source of help. They might be able to help you work out a way of getting out of the relationship safely. You can also speak to a therapist if you are uncomfortable sharing with a friend.

Focus on Yourself

Another important thing to take time to do when dealing with emotional abuse is to focus on yourself. Emotional abusers generally like to make their victims feel shame and embarrassment. Find something that gives you confidence and makes you feel happy. Maybe there’s a new hobby that you’ve been wanting to try out or an old one that you’d like to pick back up.

Avoid Engaging

Avoid engaging with your abuser when dealing with emotional abuse. If they begin starting an argument, set clear boundaries. For example, you can tell them that if they begin insulting you that you are walking away. Then follow through after. If they start insulting, leave and walk away. Try not to engage with the abuse as much as possible.

Work Out an Exit Plan

Finally, one last thing to consider when dealing with emotional abuse is working out an exit plan. An abusive relationship is not a healthy relationship. You deserve to be with somebody who respects you and cherishes you. In addition, emotional abuse can sometimes escalate into physical abuse. Try to find a safe way to leave the relationship without getting yourself hurt. Enlist the help of a friend or the national abuse hotline for assistance.

When dealing with emotional abuse, it’s important to find a way to keep yourself happy and confident. Your abuser might try their hardest to bring you down, but it’s important to find things that give you happiness. Reach out to a friend, family member, or therapist to help you. Find a hobby or distraction to focus on that makes you feel confident. Avoid engaging with your abuser whenever possible. And finally, try to work out a safe way to exit the relationship. You deserve to be with somebody that respects you and that you can trust. Hopefully, you’ll be able to safely leave your abuser and move on to a much more healthy relationship in the future.

Outsider Clues to Abuse in a Relationship

Outsider clues to abuse in a relationship can be very helpful if you suspect somebody you know is a victim of domestic abuse. Often people in this situation are embarrassed or ashamed and don’t want to come forward. Or they might be worried about what effect it will have on their partner. If you are concerned about a friend, look for sudden behavior changes. Sometimes this also shows up in clothing style changes as well. If you feel uncomfortable around their partner, it’s probably your gut telling you something is wrong. And finally, if they start drinking or using drugs, it’s a warning sign that they are hurting. Hopefully, you can help them get the help they need.

Outsider Clues to Abuse in a Relationship: Is Somebody You Know in Need of Help?

Behavior Changes

One of the outside clues to abuse that might have led you to even start researching this is sudden behavior changes. If your previously-happy friend is suddenly acting depressed, it might be a sign that something is wrong in their relationship. If this is true, they might get overly defensive. Or they might have trouble finding their words or seem reluctant to talk about their dating life. Another clue is if they seem to have little time for you, are acting rushed, or cancel frequently. This might be a sign that their partner is overly controlling.

Style Changes

Another of the outsider clues to abuse in a relationship is a sudden style change. Of course, plenty of people change their clothing style often. However, if your friend is suddenly wearing clothes that seem very out of character, it might be a warning sign. Often overly controlling partners want their victims to dress very conservatively so that they’re covered up. And of course, if they are being physically abused, they might wear clothing to cover up injuries.

If You Are Uncomfortable Around Their Partner

If you feel uncomfortable around your friend’s new partner, it might be your gut telling you something. Trust your instincts if things feel off. Some outsider clues to abuse might be if your friend looks to their partner before answering or talking. Or if they seem to be uncomfortable around them or “pretending” too hard that all is well. You might also notice if their behaviors and mannerisms change when they’re in the presence of their partner.

Drinking or Substance Abuse

Finally, one of the outsider clues to abuse to watch for is if your friend starts abusing alcohol or drugs. If you can’t find any source of their unhappiness, but they’re suddenly drinking more heavily, it’s probably a clue that something is wrong. Often it is an issue with the relationship. Let them know that you will be there to support them if they’d like your help in quitting.

If you suspect that a friend might be in an abusive relationship, outsider clues to abuse can help you figure it out. If your friend changes their behavior all of a sudden or starts dressing differently, it might be a warning sign. Another red flag is if you get a bad feeling about your partner or notice that they act strangely around them. And finally, if they suddenly start drinking or using drugs. If you notice any of these signs in your friend, it might be worth it to set aside time to talk to them privately about their relationship. Know that victims sometimes are too afraid to come forward, so they may not tell you everything that’s going on. But it’s helpful to reassure them all the same that you can help. Hopefully, they’ll remember your offer and be brave enough to accept your help later.

How to Keep Children Safe from Physical Abuse

If you are in an abusive relationship, it’s important to keep children safe from physical abuse. Sometimes abuse can escalate quickly. If you are trying to find a way to safely exit the relationship, you need a way to protect your children in the meantime. While you work on a safe way to leave, create a plan with your children. Practice a safe word and give them tips for protecting themselves. Teach them to not intervene. And finally, reassure them frequently that you will always believe them if they come to you with problems. Hopefully, you can find some support to help you find a safe way to leave your abuser. You and your child will be much better off, not to mention, much safer.

How to Keep Children Safe from Physical Abuse: Protect Them While You Make a Plan

Get Away from Abuser

The most important thing to keep children safe from physical abuse is to leave your abuser as soon as the abuse starts. If you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship and it turns violent, it’s time to leave. Emotional abuse is not okay either, but physical abuse puts you and your children at risk. Find somebody you trust to help you make an exit plan.

Have a Plan

Another thing to help keep children safe from physical abuse is to make a plan with your children. You should teach them a safe place to go if anything starts to happen in front of them. In addition, teach them to find a safe place in the house to hide. Make sure it’s a place that doesn’t have dangerous objects like a kitchen. It’s also a great idea to make a safe word with them so that if they hear it they know to go to a pre-determined safe place. Enlist the help of a neighbor or somebody you trust to be a safe haven for them. Make sure that they memorize their phone numbers.

They Are Not to Intervene

It’s also important to help keep children safe from physical abuse by making sure that they understand not to intervene. Witnessing violence can have damaging lasting effects on children. Not only does it scare them, but it can upset them to see you frightened. Teach them not to intervene under any circumstances. Instead, they should find a safe place to go. Make sure they know techniques to calm down, and of course, make sure they know how to dial 911.

Reassurance

Finally, one last thing to help keep children safe from physical abuse is to make sure that they know they can trust you with anything. Children need to know that you will believe them no matter what they say. If they come to you and reveal that your partner is abusive, you need to take them at their word and investigate further. They need to know that they can trust you. This is a difficult time for them and they need you by their side.

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, you must make sure to keep children safe from physical abuse. The absolute most important thing to do is to get away from your abuser as soon as you can. However, it’s important to make sure that you do this in a safe way that doesn’t put you at further risk. Create a plan just for your child in case abuse starts when they are present. Have a safe word for them to either hide in a safe place or leave the house and get help. Make sure they know not to intervene. And of course, make sure that they know that you will believe them if they come to you with problems. Hopefully, you’ll be able to get some support and find a way to safely exit the relationship so that you and your child can be safer and happier.

The Emotions of Divorce: The Ups and Downs

There are so many emotions of divorce that you might be feeling. Divorce has been compared to the death of a loved one. And just like with grief, you’re likely to experience an entire range of emotions. You might feel relief, anger, hurt, guilt, resentment, happiness, and anything in between. One of the ways to cope that can be very helpful is to seek out a therapist. You might also try journaling to organize your thoughts. And many find it helpful to make time for their social life again and re-connect with friends or re-focus on other relationships. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the emotions surrounding your divorce, know that you are not alone and that there is help out there.

The Emotions of Divorce: The Ups and Downs and How to Cope with Them

What’s “Normal?”

First of all, there is no “normal” when it comes to the emotions of divorce. Some people are relieved at the end of their marriage, while others grieve. And some don’t even know how they’re feeling, or change from moment to moment. It’s perfectly normal for you to cycle through emotions constantly after a divorce. For example, one minute you might feel excited about the opportunities ahead of you, and the next you are crying because you miss your ex. All of these emotions are normal and valid.

Coping Through Therapy

One way to cope with the emotions of divorce is to try going to therapy. Many find that a therapist can help them see a different perspective on their divorce. They will likely give you some coping mechanisms to try. In addition, they are often a source of advice when it comes to interacting with your ex in the future. They can help you learn to better communicate with them to make a co-parenting relationship more successful.

Coping Through Journaling

Many find that journaling is very helpful with dealing with the emotions of divorce. Journaling is easy to do and doesn’t need to take much time. If you get into the habit of daily journaling, you can keep your entries as short or long as you like. Some people also find it helpful to write inspirational things or affirmations in their journals as a daily reminder. Journaling can help you organize your thoughts and help you see the bigger picture on some things.

Coping Through Social Interaction

Finally, one last coping mechanism for the emotions of divorce is to focus on other relationships. It’s likely that during the stress of divorce you might not have had as much time for other people as usual. Maybe friends have fallen by the wayside or you’ve even been too busy to give your kids all the attention you’d like. Take time now that the divorce is final to focus on these relationships. It will give you a sense of purpose and also be a distraction.

The emotions of divorce can feel overwhelming at times, and that’s normal. You might cycle between all the stages of grief several times in a day. There are many coping mechanisms to help you handle the stress, but you need to figure out what works best for your personality. For example, maybe seeing a therapist would be particularly helpful for you. Or maybe you need to organize your thoughts by putting pen to paper. And yet others might feel restored after a long lunch with friends. However, you choose to cope with your emotions, know that you are not alone in feeling emotional after a divorce. Hopefully, in time, you’ll start to feel less overwhelmed and will be able to look at the positive side of things and view your divorce as a new beginning.

Dating After an Abusive Relationship

Dating after an abusive relationship can be daunting to think about. If you have escaped an abusive relationship, you might be extremely nervous about trusting another person. It can be difficult to even put yourself out there. You might also question what a healthy relationship looks like. It’s important to be gentle with yourself and recognize that all of these feelings are perfectly normal. Healing after abuse takes time, and you want to make sure that you have mentally coped with the trauma before moving to a new relationship. Educate yourself on what healthy relationships look like. Always follow your instincts when it comes to dating. If something feels off, leave. And finally, take things very slow. Easing back into dating can be a lot if you’re also healing from trauma. Take things at your own pace and build trust slowly with new partners.

Dating After an Abusive Relationship: How to Start Again

Take Time to Heal

Before your begin dating after an abusive relationship, it’s important to take plenty of time to heal. You might have deep scars from your abusive relationship. Both physical and mental. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, and both take time to heal from. Reach out to a therapist and speak to somebody you trust if you find that you are having trouble coping with the abuse. Don’t try to start dating until you feel like you are in a healthy mental state.

Educate Yourself

Next, before dating after an abusive relationship, educate yourself. Your views of what’s normal and not normal might be warped from your abusive relationship. Learn what a healthy dating life looks like. Do a little research on the many ways that emotional abuse can present. If you know what to look for, you can spot a red flag more easily with future relationships.

Follow Your Gut

Always follow your gut when dating after an abusive relationship. If anything feels “off” about your date, don’t be afraid to leave. If you have been dating somebody for a while and they are controlling, quick-tempered, or disrespectful, it can be an early warning sign of abuse. Trust your instincts and get out early if you sense any sort of red flags with a partner.

Take Things Slow

Finally, when dating after an abusive relationship, take things slow. Take time to get to know anybody that you date. Make sure that you trust them completely before getting too intimate with them. When you are comfortable, you can open up about your abuse with them. If any partner is pressuring you to move more quickly than you are comfortable with, they are not respecting your needs. This is a major red flag in a relationship. A loving partner should allow you to take as much time as you need to be comfortable with getting intimate.

Dating after an abusive relationship can bring up a lot of emotions. Often people find that they haven’t really taken enough time to cope with their abuse. If this is the case with you, try not to pressure yourself into dating too quickly. Take time to fully heal from your trauma. Educate yourself on what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. Always follow your gut instincts about a potential partner, and get out quickly if they show any abusive tendencies. Finally, take things slow with anybody that you begin dating. If they are pressuring you to move too quickly, then they are not being respectful of you. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find a loving partner who you can completely trust and who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

How to Admit to Cheating on Your Spouse

Admitting to cheating on your spouse is one of the most difficult conversations you might ever have with your partner. It’s important to set the right tone for the discussion. Make sure that you reveal the entire truth, not just a partial truth. Give your partner plenty of space to react. Answer their questions if they want to know more information. And finally, try to think of things ahead of time that can help you both move on. But remember that some partners will not even want to try to continue with the marriage. Hopefully, you and your spouse will be able to work things out and move forward with your relationship.

How to Admit to Cheating on Your Spouse: Moving Forward

Set the Right Tone

If you’ve decided to come clean about cheating on your spouse, it’s important to set the right tone. It’s best to make sure that you and your spouse have plenty of time and privacy. This is not the type of conversation you would want to be overheard. It’s really a good idea to talk while you’re at your home, instead of in public. Make sure that you choose a time that works with your spouse’s schedule so that you aren’t rushed. And also make sure that you are distraction-free and won’t be interrupted.

Reveal the Whole Truth

When coming clean about cheating on your spouse, reveal the entire truth. Telling a partial truth can leave you feeling even guiltier. It can also mean that you have to have another conversation further down the road. It can end up hurting your spouse even more. For example, if you cheated more than once, reveal the whole truth. Otherwise, you’ll have to come clean all over again.

Give Your Partner Space

When admitting to cheating on your spouse, give your partner plenty of time and space to react. They may have a lot of questions, or they may not want to hear any details at all. They might react very angrily or emotionally. Be prepared for tears, shouting, and anything in between. Try not to get defensive, after all, it was you who made a mistake. Remain calm if at all possible. Give them plenty of time to process their feelings, and don’t pressure them for any kind of response. They may take a few days or even weeks to really accept what you’ve told them.

Moving On

If you are wanting to move forward after cheating on your spouse, have a plan. Maybe suggest some couples therapy or counseling. Apologize and take responsibility for your mistake. When apologizing, really consider how your spouse is feeling and how you’ve hurt them. Include details on exactly why you’re sorry and how much you want to move forward. Commit to always telling the truth. And finally, accept that they may not want to move on. Some couples can move forward, but others will not. Try to be respectful of their decision.

Admitting to cheating on your spouse might be one of the toughest conversations you can have. Try to set the right tone before you even start by picking a time and place with privacy. Reveal the entire truth. It’s best to just rip the whole band-aid off at once. Otherwise, you’ll have to have a follow-up conversation all over again later. Give your partner plenty of time and space to react. And finally, figure out a way to move forward if that’s what you want. However, acknowledge that your spouse might not accept what you’ve done. Hopefully, though, you’ll both be able to work through things and continue with a stronger relationship than before.

Healing After Abuse: Emotional or Physical

Healing after abuse, whether emotional or physical can be a long and difficult process. The most important step is recognizing abusive behavior in a relationship. It can be hard to recognize the damage that this type of trauma can cause. You’ll need to change negative thought patterns to more affirming ones. Making time for self-care is very important for healing. And finally, seeking help from a professional can be very helpful. Abuse can have many lingering effects, but healing from it can help you move on with your life and get to a place where you are much happier.

Healing After Abuse: Emotional or Physical

Recognize the Effects

Healing after abuse starts with realizing what some of the effects of abuse actually are. Physical abuse is often easier to recognize because it can leave bruises or scars. Often, time and medical care are what’s needed to heal physically. But emotional abuse damage can be harder to spot. It often can show up as anxiety, depression, and trouble sleeping. It can also lead to things like heavy drinking, drug abuse, or eating disorders. One final negative effect of emotional or physical abuse is feelings of low esteem or shame. Recognizing these symptoms of abuse can help you find ways to heal.

Change Negative Thoughts

One important aspect of healing after abuse is changing your mindset from a negative one to a more positive one. Often emotional abuse can leave victims with a lot of self-doubts. Your inner voice can become harsh and negative. Try and change this by actively giving yourself a positive affirmation. For example, you could say out loud “I am worthy” or “I love myself” repeatedly throughout the day. Or write it somewhere where you’ll see it as a bathroom mirror. Trying to change the negative attitude victims have towards themselves can be a great healing power.

Make Time for Self-Care

Self-care is extremely important for healing after abuse. Self-care can look different to different people. For example, it could look like buying yourself something special or treating yourself to a nice meal. But it could also look like hiring a babysitter for a night out with friends. Or making time for a yoga class or bubble bath. Even journaling can be a form of self-care because it gives you an outlet for your feelings.

Get Help

Finally, healing after abuse is often easiest when you seek help. You could confide in a close friend or member of your family if you feel comfortable. But it’s also helpful to seek the advice of a professional. A therapist is trained in helping people cope with things like relationship abuse and trauma. They will be able to give you advice on how to heal and move on with your life.

Healing after abuse can take a long time. Be patient with yourself and understand that everybody heals at a different pace. You could also have times where suddenly you are triggered after years of thinking that you had moved past the abuse. It’s perfectly fine to revisit these methods anytime you like. Recognize all the different ways that abuse can affect your life. Try to change negative thoughts to affirming ones. Make time for self-care and get help if you need it. Hopefully, you will be able to move on with your life and find a relationship that is much healthier.

Helping Your Children Through Your Divorce

Divorce can be incredibly painful and stressful, and can also be stressful on your kids. Helping your children through your divorce is so important because they may be feeling a lot of emotions and not know how to handle them. Be patient with them as they sort out how they’re feeling. Also, be a good listener when they come to you with fears or concerns. Be reassuring and continually make sure they realize that you both still love them. And finally, you and your ex should still be a team when it comes to your children. Divorce is hard on everybody, but it’s important not to forget that your children can be feeling all the stresses that you are.

Helping Your Children Through Your Divorce: Help Them Cope With a Stressful Time

Be Patient

Helping your children through your divorce starts with being patient. This needs to start from the first moment you tell them that the divorce is happening. Give them plenty of space and time to react to the news. Even after you’ve told them, it might take them several days or even weeks to fully process what it means. Their entire world is changing. They may have a lot of questions about what their lives are going to look like in the future. Try to be patient and give them as much time as they need to process their emotions.

Be a Good Listener

Some children react to divorce by becoming very quiet and inward. However, some children are the opposite and want to talk things over. If your children are wanting to discuss concerns with you, be a good listener. Helping your children through your divorce means hearing out all of their fears. They may get angry, or blame you, or feel hurt. Listen to what they say without getting defensive.

Be Reassuring

Helping your children through your divorce often means reassuring them that the divorce is not their fault. No matter how you phrase the reasons for your split up, many children are prone to blaming themselves. Even though it likely has nothing to do with them. They’ll need to hear those words from you frequently. Reassure them that things are changing right now but that they’ll feel settled soon. They will find a new routine that will seem very normal. And of course, always reassure them about how much you love them and support them. Remind them that you’re always there to listen if they are feeling afraid or sad about all the changes happening in their life.

Be a Team

Finally, helping your children through your divorce relies on you and your ex being a team. You may have trouble being around each other. You may even resent them or have all sorts of bitterness towards them. However, you both need to work together to establish a healthy routine for your children. Playing the blame game only ends up hurting your children in the long run. Set the same boundaries for when they’re at each of your houses and don’t try to win their favor by buying them gifts. Your children don’t need to hear about the problems you had in your marriage. Try to remember that they probably deeply love your ex and need to know that you’re supportive of the relationship they have with their other parent.

Helping your children through your divorce is so important because children experience big feelings. But they often don’t know how to process these feelings and can get overwhelmed easily. Be patient when they’re explaining how they feel and be a good listener. Reassure them repeatedly that they are loved and that they did not have anything to do with the divorce. And finally, you and your ex need to be a team, at least when it comes to your children. It’s important to set aside your differences and your bitterness in order to parent them the best way you can. They need your love and support at a time in their lives that is bound to be stressful.

How-to: Help a Loved One During Divorce

You can learn more about how to help a loved one during divorce on this video.

It is no secret that divorce can be very painful. It is something that no one goes into a marriage wishing to go through. Watching someone you care about go through that pain can be difficult. Whether it is a family member or a friend, you can be there for them and support them. However, there are also boundaries you do not want to overstep. Learn how you can help a loved one get through a divorce.

How-to: Help a Loved During Divorce- Learning the Boundaries

Listen

One of the most meaningful things you can do to help a loved one during divorce is to just listen to them. Somethings all someone needs is just to vent and open up to someone they trust. While anger is not always healthy, in these cases, sometimes you just need to let it out. As a friend, it is your job to listen. Do not try and fix things for them or interject your thoughts. Find a quiet place and just hear them out.

Only when or if your friend or family member asks for your opinion should you give it. Otherwise, just be an ear for that person. According to David Know, a licensed family therapist, “Most people don’t need advice during a divorce, they just need to know that they’re not alone and that people care.” Sometimes, just talking through things is one of the first steps to healing. However, it is important to remember not to bash their ex with your own judgments or opinions. Focus on listening and validating your friend’s emotions instead.

Be a Friend

Another good way to help a loved one during divorce is to be a good friend. Oftentimes, this means lending a helping hand. Sometimes people have to move as a result of divorce. You can offer to help them pack or move some boxes. You could also bring your friend or loved one a meal. Whether you cook something, or just grab takeout, it is a nice gesture. This will give them one less thing to worry about, and give them some company at dinner.

Even if your friend or loved one keeps declining invitations for social events, do not stop extending the offer. Oftentimes, divorcees feel excluded by their married friends. Do not let that be the case. Let your friend know they are wanted. Also, keep in mind that they may not feel up for being social right then. However, as someone close to this person, be there for them for the long haul.

The Weapon of the Emotional Abuser: Gaslighting

A phrase that has gained popularity in recent years is “Gaslighting.” Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse because it skews the balance of power in a relationship and makes the victim question their reality. There are many different ways that an abuser can gaslight their partner, and the effects can be huge. Often, victims have a hard time overcoming their emotional abuse, and it takes a long time to trust again. The best way to respond to gaslighting is to keep a record of everything so that you can view the events later with clear eyes. Gaslighting can have a huge impact on emotional and mental well-being, so it’s important to address it.

The Weapon of the Emotional Abuser: What is Gaslighting?

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where a person makes the victim question their perception of reality. A victim of gaslighting will feel confused and question their own reality. They may also question their own feelings about events and wonder if they are over-reacting in situations. This can cause significant anxiety and eventually hurt a person’s mental health. The term comes from a 1938 play called Gas Light where a husband keeps dimming the gas-powered lights in a home and disagrees with his wife when she points it out. Gaslighting can make a victim unable to trust their own instincts and feelings. It is a classic weapon of emotional abusers.

Effects of Gaslighting?

The main effect of gaslighting is that the victim begins to mistrust their own feelings. They question their reality, and ultimately this gives the abuser more power. If a victim feels unable to trust their own instincts, they’re more likely to stay in a relationship with their emotional abuser. They’ll also be afraid to reach out to others for help because they wonder if they’re being too sensitive. If a victim doesn’t reach out to friends or family, then it’s less likely that somebody will spot the other red flags in their relationship.

How to Respond to Gaslighting

The first thing to do if you suspect your partner is gaslighting you is to keep a record of things. Start a journal or diary of your day to day conversations and when you feel like your feelings are being dismissed or questioned. Hopefully, you’ll be able to gain some perspective by viewing the conversations later on. Collect evidence that supports the version of events that you remember, even if your partner insists that you are incorrect. You can also speak with a friend or somebody you trust to see if they notice red flags. This is another way to collect evidence that you can refer back to later. It’s important to address gaslighting because it can have such a harmful effect on your mental health.

Gaslighting is a common form of emotional abuse. If your partner is gaslighting you, they may argue with your memory of events, or make you question your feelings. They may even make you feel guilty for questioning their motives. Eventually, all this confusion can deteriorate your self-confidence and hurt your mental health. The situation just helps your abusive partner gain more control over you. If you are a victim of this form of abuse, start keeping a record of events to refer to later. And reach out for help. You can always ask for help at the Domestic Violence Support Hotline.