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Post-Divorce Wardrobe

Divorce can be a very painful experience, and make you feel like you have to start over from scratch. However, you can take this feeling and turn it into something positive by re-inventing your new post-divorce life. One way to do this is through your post-divorce wardrobe. Now is the time to find a style to really call your own…

Post-Divorce Wardrobe

Figure out your style

The first part of starting your post-divorce wardrobe is figuring out your style. When you’re married, and dealing with the average day-to-day routine, it can be hard to spend the time perfecting your style. However, now that your divorce is over, this is the perfect opportunity to find the clothes that really match you.

Try to figure out what kind of clothes, colors, or brands you like versus the ones you don’t. Then, think about how you’d like those clothes to go together, and soon you’ll find your own style. It may take some trial and error, but it’ll be worth it in the end.

Make room for the new stuff

Once you know what your style is, it’s time to make some room for your post-divorce wardrobe. That means going through the clothes you have and deciding what matches your style, and what doesn’t. While you can keep the things you like or match your style, it’s time to get rid of the rest.

A good time to do this is if you plan on moving after your divorce. That way, not only will it make your move easier, but you can go into your new home or apartment with only what you need for your new life. As for your old clothes, you have a few options. You can trash them, try to sell them for a bit of extra cash, or you can donate them for others to wear.

Shop responsibly

Once you’ve got your style down and made space, it can be tempting to go all-out on your post-divorce wardrobe. However, it’s important to do your shopping responsibly. After all, the time after your divorce can be pretty rough on your wallet.

When you do go clothes shopping, keep a budget in mind and stick to it. You don’t want to go overboard and end up with some buyer’s regret. Also, keep an eye out for any sales or special discount events, and plan your shopping around that to get the best deals.

Divorce Stress: Ways To Relax

Divorce stress is a part of the divorce process that can seem unavoidable. However, the important thing is how you handle this stress. Allowing this stress to build could have a negative impact on your overall health. Therefore, it’s a good idea to know how you can get this stress out of your system…

Divorce Stress: Ways To Relax

Deep breathing

One way to reduce divorce stress is by taking deep breaths. Now, it might sound a little cliche, but deep breaths actually do help with stress. When people get anxious and worked up, they tend to take very shallow breaths. What this means is that they end up feeling out of breath, allowing for the stress to build up.

However, taking deep breaths solves this problem. For starters, they slow down your breathing and help you calm down. Plus, deep breathing makes you do abdominal breathing, which gets more air into your body. All of this can help you re-center and refocus on what’s going out without the added stress.

Create a calming space

Sometimes, it can feel like your divorce stress is always building up. You may even feel like you have no way of escaping from your stressors. When this happens, your stress can feel just too overwhelming. For this reason, it’s important to give yourself a space in which you can relax, unwind, and de-stress.

Try to work on making your home or apartment a welcoming and relaxing space. You can put up decorations you like, get some nice candles, and maybe even paint the walls to a more neutral color. Even things like getting some indoor plants and keeping the blinds open can help make your living space the perfect place to get away from the stress.

Channel that stress

When you feel like your divorce stress has built up for too long, you’re going to need to let it out. However, it’s important to do so on your own terms. Constantly letting that stress build can lead to you accidentally letting it out all at once, usually in a not-so-ideal situation.

Try to find a hobby you enjoy which can help you de-stress. Through this hobby, you can help let that stress leave your body, and be replaced by more positive emotions. You can even try exercising, and turning that stress into your motivation.

Angry Ex: What You Should Do?

Divorce anger is something which anyone can feel. However, what if that anger is directed at you? An angry ex can be complicated to deal with. Still, there’s a few ways in which you can approach them and handle this anger…

Angry Ex: What You Should Do?

Don’t ESCALATE

When you have to deal with an angry ex, the one thing you don’t want to do is respond with anger yourself. If you escalate the situation, you’ll just make them more upset and complicate things further. Instead, it’s a much better idea to try and be empathetic towards them.

After all, many times this anger is because of the grief or blame that they’re placing on themselves. While they may take that anger out on you, they’re really more upset that things didn’t work out. Therefore, keep your cool and let them know you understand how they feel, and that you’re sad too. Eventually, they may turn around and realize their mistake.

Communicate clearly

Communication is also important for dealing with an angry ex. Being able to talk to your ex can help you work on a divorce agreement together. When you work together, you can end up with an agreement that works for the both of you. However, anger can get in the way of this communication-wise.

That’s why it’s a good idea to keep your conversations brief, yet to-the-point. Have a clear point or topic you want to discuss, and focus in on it. If your ex would rather be mean or rude, simply put a polite end the conversation for now. Very quickly, your ex will realize that they need to watch what they say.

Keep good boundaries

Boundaries are very helpful for when you have an angry ex. These are going to be your limits for what you’re willing to tolerate from them. If your ex starts to cross those boundaries, then that’s a signal that it’s time to disengage.

Not only that, but your boundaries can also apply to when and where you want to see your ex. That way, they know not to show up at places like your home or your work. Once they see what you will and will not be tolerate, they’ll shape up sooner rather than later.

Divorce Coping: Methods To Try

The process of divorcing can be very rough emotionally. As a result, it’s helpful to look into divorce coping methods. These methods can help you overcome the turmoil you might be experiencing…

Divorce Coping: Methods To Try

External help

Many people like to seek external help as part of their divorce coping plan. It can be hard to deal with all the negative emotions divorce brings. Trying to balance them and all of your divorce matter by yourself can leave you feeling worse than before. Therefore, it’s helpful to have someone help you.

A therapist or counselor is one good option. These experts can figure out what’s causing you the most distress, and come up with a plan to help you start feeling better. Still, even just talking to friends or family about how you feel can be great for getting those feelings off of your chest.

Practice gratitude

Divorcing can also leave you focusing on all the negatives you think your life has. You might think you’re never gonna find love again, or that your future plans are all out the window. However, rather than letting these negative thoughts take over, it’s better to find things to be thankful for.

Focusing on the positive things in your life is another good divorce coping strategy. Try to think about the things you have which you can be grateful for. This could be your kids, your health, and the support you have from friends and family. Finding things to appreciate can give you a new outlook on divorce.

Do self-care

A lot of people also forget to take care of themselves during divorce. They’re so focused on the divorce itself, that they don’t remember their health matters just as much. Some common issues people run into are trouble sleeping, unhealthy eating habits, and not giving themselves any kind of break.

This is why self-care is key for healthy divorce coping.You’ll find your decision making is going to be a whole lot better when you get feel healthy. Make sure to get plenty of sleep, and eat as healthy as you can. Be sure to give your brain a break from the divorce every now and then too!

Online Safety Post-Divorce

When your divorce is over, it’s a good idea to take some extra steps to keep yourself safe. In particular, you should be careful about your online safety post-divorce. Making some key changes can help you feel confident and safe when you go online…

Online Safety Post-Divorce: Key Steps

Watch your Social Media

Social media is something pretty much everyone uses these days. However, it can be pretty unsafe if you aren’t careful. That’s why one good way to improve your online safety post-divorce is by being taking precautions with your profiles.

To start, it’s good to not post anything which could get you in trouble with your ex and any agreements you have. Also, be wary of who you accept as friends or followers. Some of them could be people trying to either scam you, or steal personal info and try to hack your accounts. Try to verify a person’s identity before you accept their requests.

Don’t post personal info

Another key part of online safety post-divorce is not posting important personal information. This includes things like birthdays, addresses, and phone numbers. The last thing you want is for the wrong kind of person to have that info, and use it to either harass you or try to steal your identity.

This is especially important if you want to try online dating. Not everyone who has a profile on these sites is who they say they are! Some of them might be trying to scam you out of money or personal info. Always be careful and avoid oversharing with strangers.

Set up extra security

It’s also a good idea to improve your digital security to boost your online safety post-divorce. Many websites now have two-factor authentication. That means in order to log-in, you need to enter both your password, and a code sent to your phone or email.

This is a great way to prevent would-be hackers from brute forcing their way into your profiles. Plus, you might also want to sign up for security alerts. These will let you know when it appears there’s been a breach in your security. That way, you can respond right away.

Trust Issues: Frequent Signs

Trust issues can be a big reason as to why a couple may get a divorce. Still, not many people are aware of what these issues may look like. Having a better understanding of these signs can be handy for spotting and avoiding them in the future…

Trust Issues: Figure Them Out

Anticipating betrayal

One usual sign of trust issues are when you or your partner expect some kind of betrayal. Now, if you were dealing with someone who has a track record of lying, this would make sense. However, odds are your relationship doesn’t have this. Despite this, you may still expect one day to find your spouse is lying or cheating.

Even if they have shown no indication of this, you still plan for it nonetheless. For some, this is because of trust violation in the past. The thing is, all relationships are different. You have to be willing to give a fair chance to your partner.

Trusting too quickly

On the other side of trust issues are problems trusting too quickly. If you don’t have a lot of experience with building relationships based on trust, then you could offer a lot of trust to those who haven’t given you a reason to. It could be that you end up placing a lot of trust in someone you’ve known for a short time.

Trust, much like with respect, has to be earned. You need to be able to see and get a feeling for someone in order to be able to trust them. It’s good to approach any potential new friend or partner with an open mind, extending trust to them as you build a repertoire.

Mistakes are blown up

Blowing up mistakes into apparently massive issues are another example of trust issues. Everyone is going to mistakes, especially in relationships. Some will be pretty minor and not worth sweating. Yet, if you have issues with trust, you could potentially see them as part of a bigger issue.

Maybe your partner is running a bit late, or isn’t able to answer your calls. If you have problems trusting, then you may view this as them hiding something from you or hating you. In reality, they aren’t big deals, and you have to view them from the right mindset.

Balancing Time: Being Together Vs. Alone

Like many things in life, a good relationship will require balancing time. However, many couples struggle to find a good balance of time spent together and time spent alone. Figuring out a good mix can help avoid some potential issues a poor balance can bring…

Balancing Time: Find Some Middle Ground

Time together

The first aspect of balancing time is the time you spend together as a couple. It’s ideal that a couple will like spending time with each other. Additionally, while this time can be spent in many ways, the key thing is you enjoy being with your partner. Whether you’re out doing something or just relaxing at home, you’ll still value each other’s company.

Still, too much time together can potentially be bad. Even the most-inseparable couples need some space away from each other from time to time. If you don’t have that time, you’ll find you and your partner will begin to get irritated, even if you can’t tell why at first. Eventually, you won’t want to spend any time with them if you can help it.

Time apart

This is where time apart comes into the balancing time mix. This will be time you spend doing things without your partner being there. Many people spend this time being with friends or family. Still, you can also spend this time by yourself, either doing a hobby or just relaxing.

Of course, too much time apart can also be an issue. Not being with your partner can cause them to think you don’t care about them or love them. Over time, this can result in trust issues to develop. These issues can get to the point where your relationship is unable to recover.

Strike your balance

Balancing time is something every couple has to try and figure out. As every couple is a bit different, this balance will look different from one to another. Plus, it might take some experimentation before you find the balance which works for you.

The important thing is you and your partner work together to find this perfect balance. Talk to each other and figure out some ways to really enjoy your time together. Then, also discuss when and why you may want some time apart. Being on the same page will go a long way in avoiding potential problems.

Parallel Co-Parenting

Many couples find that becoming co-parents isn’t as easy as they had thought. If you find you’re having trouble, then it may help to try parallel co-parenting. This approach could be the solution to your problems and help you reach a more cohesive plan…

Parallel Co-Parenting: How It Helps

Conflicting viewpoints

Some couples will actually agree for the most part on what their co-parenting plan should be like. For some, however, they may find they struggle to even be in the same room as each other. This means it’s nearly impossible for them to come to a shared-upon plan.

As a result, more time will be spent fighting then coming to any sort of middle ground. Most co-parents in this situation will see their attempts to talk to one another end up in personal arguments. Not only will this make things harder for you, but it’ll make it much harder on your kids too. That’s why parallel co-parenting is a helpful option to consider.

Parallel approach

A parallel co-parenting plan aims to let you fulfill your co-parenting duties without the drama. Basically, you’ll be taking a more business-like approach to dealing with your co-parent. You’ll focus only on the kids, keep it to-the-point, and preferably do it in a way that won’t cause issues.

These plans also allow for a bit more independence then other ones. Of course, you’ll want to make important decisions on things like education or medical care together. But, for those more mundane day-to-day matters, you can be a bit more flexible as to what you decide to do.

Key benefits

The parallel co-parenting system comes with a good number of benefits. For starters, it lessens the amount of conflict between you and your ex. That means you can spend less time fighting, and more time being parents to your kids. The lack of conflict will also be great for your kids’ wellbeing too.

It’ll also give you more confidence in your parenting decisions. You won’t have to worry as much as to what your co-parent will say and if it’ll turn into an argument. With a parallel plan, both you and them can still parent effectively while maintaining flexibility.

How-to Handle an Unhelpful Co-Parent

Ideally, you and you co-parent will be able to work well together after your divorce. However, there may be times when you have to deal with an unhelpful co-parent. Knowing how to handle these kinds of situations is important for avoiding any major conflict…

How-to Handle an Unhelpful Co-Parent: Manage Problems

Consider the issue

When you have an unhelpful co-parent, you should consider what exactly the issue is. In particular, is the problem related to them refusing to co-parent? If not, then they may not be trying to be unhelpful on purpose. Instead, it could just be a misunderstanding.

After all, co-parenting isn’t always easy. This is especially true when you’re just starting off. When you’re running into issues, consider if they’re more just growing pains rather than purposeful difficulties. That way, you can better approach your co-parent and work out what’s wrong.

Troublesome topics

It could be that you only deal with an unhelpful co-parent when it comes to specific situations. For instance, maybe you notice you run into troubles when you ask for schedule adjustments. Everything else may be fine, but it’s this area where they always seem to be rather unhelpful.

It could be that there’s some kind of communication breakdown occurring. When you experience miscommunication, it can make your co-parent get the wrong idea about what’s going on. In turn, this can make them act rather unhelpful. Clarifying matters with your co-parent can clear these problems up and ensure you’re all on the same page.

Consider some changes

One thing you should consider is if any changes will help you solve your unhelpful co-parent problems. It could be that a lack of flexibility is leading to your struggles. It may even be that your co-parent thinks you’re the unhelpful one! At this point, you’ll definitely want to change things.

Even minor changes can go a long way in resolving your issues. Therefore, be open-minded and listen to what your co-parent has to say. By showing you take their concerns seriously and are willing to make some changes to help them, it’ll go a long way in avoiding other problems. Soon, you’ll see that your co-parenting arrangement will now work for everybody better than before.

Difficult Conversations: Adoptive Parents & Kids

As an adoptive parent, there will likely be a time you may have to have some difficult conversations with the child you adopted. These topics could be as difficult as poverty, criminal behavior, abandonment, abuse or neglect.There is not going to be a perfect script or magical way to make these conversations go smoothly. However, there are some tips you can use to try and help you through these talks. 

Difficult Conversations: How to Handle Them

Honesty

Your child’s difficult story may be hard for you to handle or grasp. Any hardships they have faced will be upsetting to you. This may want to make you want to skirt around the truth when they ask questions. The best thing to do is be honest. You may think you are protecting them, but one day they will likely find out the truth and be upset that you hid it. This is especially true with so much information being on the internet. During difficult conversations, it is best to just be honest. 

Openness

Be open to having difficult conversations as much as your children want to. This will take time, and may reoccur many times. These stories are part of them. They may have images, memories, trauma and fear deep inside of them that may never go away. Because of this, they may need to keep talking about it with you over a long period of time. After a while, these conversations may start to drain you, but for the child’s sake, keep having these conversations. Keep being willing to listen. 

Compassion

During these difficult conversations, and always, show compassion. Your child may have a lot of healing to do, and your compassion will help them on that journey. As mentioned before, it likely will be a long road, but show plenty of love along the way. Be sympathetic towards their suffering, what they went through and are currently feeling.

Listen

Sometimes, it’s best to just listen. Do not try and interrupt or counter anything that they’re saying. Let them know it is okay for them to talk to you. Sometimes, as adults, we need to vent. Your children should be afforded the same thing. Especially when getting into difficult conversations, just allow them to speak. 

While no one likes difficult conversations, they are bound to come up after you have adopted a child. These tips can help guide you during these conversations. Remember to be honest, open, compassionate and listen.