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New Parent Problems: Tips for Your New Journey

Being a new parent is exciting, educational, and also, terrifying. You went from worrying about getting enough cheese sticks, and what to paint the nursery— to figuring out why your baby is screaming, and why you’ll never sleep again. The learning experience is pretty hands on, and I’m sure you’ll make a lot of late night calls to your doctor or visits to Google.

Parenting is a rewarding, scary, hilarious journey on your first time by. So we’re going to try and make it a little easier. Following, you’ll find a quick list of tips we hope will help you weather the storm. Every new parent, and their journey, is different. And these tips might be successful for you— or they might not be. It’s all up to your baby.

New Parent Problems: Tips for Your New Journey
Take care of your own health as well

Your newborn needs it’s parents. So, take a little time for self-care. There are two parents, and I’m sure a few lingering relatives— take advantage. By this, I mean take a shower, bath, drink some water, and pour yourself a cup of coffee. Falling asleep while nursing is extremely dangerous. Make sure you’re feeling alright too. Your health is just as important as the health of your baby.

Make a schedule with your partner

As we’ve said, there are two of you. Take turns waking up with baby. Those first few days are probably going to be primarily mama because of the breastfeeding. But, pumping so that dad can wake up with the baby in the night too— will be a lifesaver for both of you. Now, more than ever, a group effort is essential. Make a schedule, whether it’s every other night, or every other time baby wakes up— implement a system and stick with it. You’re both gonna be tired, but a little less than one of you would be if all the work is falling on you.

Accept help

Right after a baby, you’re the most popular person you’ll know. People will want to cook you meals, clean your home, hold baby while you take a nap, and so on. We’re here to tell you: take the help while it lasts. After a few weeks or months, the newness will wear off and inevitably— you’ll end up in that period where most people forget to reach out. So, make the most of your rockstar days and let anyone (you’re comfortable with) who wants to help— help.

Crying is normal

Your baby is gonna cry sometimes. And it might feel like they’ll never stop, but they will. Letting them cry and learn how to soothe themselves, and also just take the time to catch up on Real Housewives, is okay. You’re not a bad parent, your baby isn’t going to hate you forever— eventually they will stop. Just check in from time to time, make sure they’re still in the position you left them in— and let it ride. No matter how hard it may feel, you’ll likely be better off in the end.

Visitation Rights for Grandparents in SC

Parents receive visitation rights after a divorce. However, what about other members of the family? Often, families have many members that have a connection with the child. It is very easy for those members, such as grandparents, to be forgotten during a custody arrangement. It is not uncommon when parents work, for children will stay with other members of the family. Therefore, children are not bound to one parent or another, they have an entire system. This is why they should have an active role in the custody agreement. But what rights do they have? And is visitation something that you can guarantee for other family members?

Grandparents and Visitation Rights

In short, yes, grandparents have visitation rights in South Carolina. However, this was not always the case. Prior to 2014, their visitation rights were tough to obtain. Then, governor Nikki Haley, signed into law the ‘Grandparent Visitation Statute’.

The Grandparent Visitation Statute

This allows grandparents visitation rights as long as they pass a few tests before they receive approval.

The first of those few, is that of proving that the child’s parent(s) deprived the grandparent(s) of the opportunity to see the child for more than 90 days. The second, is providing proof that the grandparents visitation rights will not interfere will the parent-child relationship or custody arrangements.

Lastly, the child would have to be a child of divorce, separation, or lost parents. Also, the grandparent must be a natural of legally adoptive guardian of one parent. This simply means that Grandma’s close friend who has always been in the child’s life is not entitled to visitation as a natural grandparent would be.

Bringing change to an outdated statute

The main problem with South Carolina’s previous law was the term “parent-child” relationship. Essentially, a grandparent would need to have a relationship similar to that of the parent to child to even be considerable for visitation rights. Often, that relationship was not the same, so, the grandparents would lose any rights. In contrast, some courts chose to interpret the law very loosely. So, they would often grant grandparents visitation rights when they had no strong relationship with the child.

Ultimately, the former law was not careful enough to outline family visitation rights. In short, South Carolina fixed the situation with a law that considers each and every party. These changes provide grandparents proper rights after they meet a set of fair and obtainable criteria.

Supervised Visitation: How To Be Flexible and Have Fun

If the only type of visitation you have with your kids is supervised, you’ve got to be able to make the most of it. Supervised visitation is not ideal, but when it’s all you’ve got— it’s better than none at all. So we’re going to help you figure out how to handle it. From what to bring, what activities to choose, and how to have the most fun within the circumstances.

Supervised Visitation: Making the Most of Your Time
First things first, make sure you’re showing up on time

No matter who your supervisor is— whether it be mom, dad, grandma, or an assigned mediator, it is important not to keep them waiting. Chances are, if there are supervised visitations being scheduled— they are also being observed in some capacity. Supervised visitation is never the end goal when it comes to custody. It’s quite likely that you’re working to obtain more visitation rights. Therefore, punctuality is likely to be a consideration.

Plan your time

Whether the planning be as simple as bringing a book or a puzzle, or as in-depth as planning to bake or cook together. You want to have some sort of plan in place for how to use your time. I’m sure you could sit there all day and stare into their sweet eyes. But, spend your time engaging with them instead. Find out how their week has been, what’s new in their life— show interest in their activities.

Tell them about you too. They are interested in your life as well, tell them about it. You want to make these visits as easy as possible. It’s tough to feel dissected in front of a stranger or old spouse, but you have to work with what you’ve got.

Do something educational or creative together

Whether that be reading a book, painting a picture, or putting together a giant puzzle— engage their brain. Plus, if you choose the creative route, that leaves you plenty of time to talk as well and get to know each other in this setting.

Have a plan, but go with the flow as well

If you planned to do one activity, and the child doesn’t want to— have a back up plan. Depending on what your supervised setting is, there could be plenty of activities available to you. As we’ve said, cooking or baking together is a great bonding activity.

You can use the time to bake and decorate a sweet treat together, or teach your child to cook healthy meals. The point is to be flexible, understanding, and patient as you figure all of this out. Supervised visitation is tough to navigate, especially at first.

If you’re having trouble, reach out to a support group, or the internet.

There are plenty of resources to help you acclimate to these changes. We wish you luck and offer our hand, when the time comes to pursue further custody agreements.

Celebrating V Day with Your Kiddos

As Valentine’s Day approaches, you’re probably trying to figure out how to have some fun with the kiddos. The good news is, there are plenty of different ways for you to have fun with your kids on V day. From special foods, celebrations, and love letters— we’re going to give you a few ideas on how to ring in another day of loving your babies. On Valentine’s day, you just have a bigger reason to celebrate it.

Celebrating V Day with Your Kiddos: Having Some Cheesy, Love-Day Fun
Start the day with a themed breakfast!

Valentine’s day falls on a Wednesday this year, so the babies have to go to school— so, get festive with breakfast. Put a few drops of grenadine in their orange juice to make it a ‘sweetheart sunrise’. Cut their pancakes into hearts, or put strawberries and whipped cream on top. Have some fun with it!

Write cute little notes for their lunch

If your kids like bananas, we have an awesome trick for you. Take something slightly pointed, and push a note into the skin of the banana. You don’t have to push through, but by lunch time it will brown into a perfect little note. Or, you can just write it in marker. Or even just write a note! The point is, you have options if this is something you want to do.

Plan a fun night for you guys!

Bake and decorate cookies together, or a heart-shaped cake. Watch kid-friendly movies centered around love. Have dinner by candle light together. Do something to celebrate with the kiddos. Especially if you’re a newly single parent, V day can get you down. But what more perfect remedy than your kids? Celebrate your love of them, and encourage them to do the same with others.

Deliver sweet treats to your neighbors to inspire spreading love and joy

Get your kids in the spirit of giving and spreading love! Take all of those cookies you made, and deliver some to your neighbors. It is important that you instill the idea of giving, and brightening others day to your children. it makes them more compassionate, insightful adults. So, start a new tradition! Every year, on Valentine’s day, you make cookies for the neighbors (or something to that effect). It’s just a suggestion, but it’s a heartwarming way to spread some cheer.

Introducing Your Children to a New Partner

Introducing your kids to a new partner can be quite tricky. Especially if this is the first serious partner since your divorce from their other parent. You’re left to figure out when to tell them, how to tell them, and cope with the reaction. Every child is different, and there’s no telling how they’ll take the news. But, if you’re serious about this person— it’s inevitable. So we’re going to help you navigate the process. The rules to follow, the steps to take, and common missteps made by the masses.

Introducing Your Children to a New Partner

First things first, discuss it with their other parent

It is important to make sure that before you even consider introducing your new partner to your kids— you make their other parent aware. You both, together, must pick a timeline to adhere to. It’s always a smart move to set a time limit on meeting the kids. Whether you and the other parent set that at four months, six months, or a year— you must honor this. If you’re considering breaking the rule, think about how you’d feel if the other parent did the same.

Tell your kids alone, then introduce the two of them

You don’t want to bombard your kids, and you don’t want them to feel threatened either. Introducing your kids to your new partner as you’re telling them you have one can be a bit overwhelming. You want to introduce the idea, let it simmer, then introduce the partner. Your children need to be reminded that this person is not a threat. While that might feel silly to you, and impossible—your child is going to have to adjust to the idea first. Honor that need.

When you introduce them, keep it light and natural

Introduce them, give them a little time to acquaint themselves, and be there if they need you. Every parents hope when introducing their children and a new partner is that they’ll quickly become friends. While it doesn’t always happen like that, try to facilitate that atmosphere. This starts with what we talked about before: telling your kids alone.

It’s pretty intimidating for a new partner to meet your kids, not just the other way around! Set them up for success by preparing them too. Keep it light, low-key, and don’t set expectations. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst— and understand that it might fall somewhere in between. We wish you luck!

Crafting a Foolproof Parenting Plan 

We’ve talked about healthy co-parenting schedules, but now we’re going to make a parenting plan. One of the hardest aspects of divorce when you have kids, is figuring out how to keep the parenting as smooth, and unchanging as possible. You’re probably a bit overwhelmed, wondering where to start. First things first, you need to figure out what to take into consideration when crafting a foolproof parenting plan. It’s a little more formal than a schedule, and something you should spend a lot of time on. So, we’re going to help you. From where to start, what to include, and how you should document it.

Crafting a Foolproof Parenting Plan

Start by making a list

Each parent should make their own, and then one for the kid too. For each parent, it should include days they want with the child, prior engagements, family birthdays, holidays— make the lists separately and then come together for the child’s schedule. It’s important to include everything. Bring your work calendar, your life calendar— bring it all. Make your respective lists, and then hash them out, and put it on paper. You’ll each have to compromise in some regard.

Put it all in writing once a year

You’ll need this to refer to. A schedule is only half of the parenting plan as well. A parenting plan includes things such as: bedtimes, friend time, extracurricular’s, a plan for birthdays and holidays… it goes on and on. Set the date that you’ll tackle this every year. Because, let’s face it, things change over the years— so plan on making amendments once a year. You can keep the same base plan, but it needs to be altered. Mom gets Christmas year one, Dad year two— birthdays are something you come together on, it goes something like this.

Plan for it to be unchanging, but allow for leeway

No one is perfect, and no agreement is perfect. Especially your first plan, so stand by your plan but also be open to the idea of small changes. Although, the key to crafting a foolproof parenting plan, is planning for those changes. Add in a section of ‘ in the event of:’ and include things such as impromptu days off of school, new activities picked up, mom or dad starts dating, and so on. B e as thorough as possible, consider extenuating circumstances— and plan for maybe’s.

Be thorough, sign it, and make three copies

Keep one at your house, one at the other parents, and one in a neutral location. Whether that be grandma’s house, a good friend— just someone you can trust to pass it along in case of emergency or disagreement. While this agreement might not be legally binding, you should both sign it and honor the agreement. This will make it harder to break, and it can be used for record further in the future if need be.

Ultimately, a good parenting plan will make all the difference when it comes down to it. Last minute decisions are typically emotional decisions, and that’s a recipe for disaster when it comes to custody. We wish you luck in drafting, and going forward with your agreement!

Making the Most of Your Custody Time

When you only get to keep your child for a short period of time out of the month— it can be tough to make the most of that time. You’ve been missing those sweet babies, and you probably just want to sit and stare at their sweet little faces. If you do? Go for it. But, they might get a bit bored. Making the most of custody time doesn’t have to be an intricate process where you squeeze out every little drop. It’s about being present, enjoying the moment, and making the time fun and memorable for you both.

Making the Most of Your Custody Time: Having Fun With Your Kids, While Avoiding the ‘Disneyland sentiment’
Anticipate that they’re coming and schedule around it

Life happens, and your work schedule might fall on those days. But, if you know this— make an effort with your former spouse to choose your custody time accordingly. Not everyone has an awesome boss, but if you do— see if you can work around the time you have your kid. Maybe you have to pull a few long days to get that week or weekend off. But, I guarantee you’ll be glad you did when those few days roll around and you have all the time in the world with your little munchkin.

Make a fun plan based around their interests

It doesn’t have to cost money! Maybe they love to play laser tag, so you spend one Saturday turning your house into a Nerf war arena. Or maybe they’re big on plays and Broadway— rent one of the (kid-friendly) classics and teach them a thing or two. No matter what it is, you can show that you’re engaging in their interests and having fun with them too.

Be in the moment AKA: ditch that cell phone

Nowadays, everyone is always nose-deep in their cell phone. But try to ditch it as much as possible when you have your kid(s). If you only get them on odd weekends or weeks, try to b e engaged. Your hilarious Facebook post can wait. Enjoy the time you’ve got. I guarantee you’ll be much more fulfilled by quality time spent than those two hours you let them play video games and you played Candy Crush.

But, Don’t Forget to Honor the Rules

They’ve got a bedtime? Honor it. They aren’t allowed to watch scary movies? Follow through on that. No parent wants that dreaded ‘Disneyland’ status. That begins when you ditch the rules just because you feel bad, or want them to like you more. You’re still their parent, and there are still rules when they’re with you. Honoring the normal routines will remind them that you are still in control, you are still their parent, and while we have fun— it’s not all about the fun.

Positive Lessons Children Learn From Witnessing Divorce

Divorce is a grueling process for everyone involved, especially children. It is not uncommon that parents will feel as if they’ve failed their children by putting them through these tough times. But, it’s not all that bad in the end. Children are resilient creatures, and they’re constantly absorbing the world around them. So, that means they’re learning from you. And we’re going to walk you through some of the positive lessons children learn from witnessing divorce. As we said, they’re constantly observing and learning. So let them learn from you, and the strength you have as you face one of the toughest times of your life. Mom/Dad— you’ve got this.

Positive Lessons Children Learn From Witnessing Divorce
No marriage, or person, is perfect— not even Mom and Dad

This is one of the most important positive lessons children learn from divorce. never expect perfection from anyone, because they aren’y capable of it. Especially when it comes to marriage. There will be tests, trials, and hard time— you guys didn’t make it. But that doesn’t mean the right marriage won’t. Being open with your children as they get older and explaining what went wrong can be therapeutic to them. Not to mention, helpful as they march into adult life and relationships. Of course, before you do this— you should discuss it with your former spouse. You guys didn’t get it right, but that doesn’t mean marriage is a failed institution.

Change is a part of life…

You can never expect there not to be a disruption in life. Take nothing for granted, and keep going. There will be missteps, there will be failures— but it is all part of life. While this time is tough, it will help them to become more adaptable and vocal in life. When your parents are separated, you more often have to voice what you need and how you feel. You are left to develop more critical thinking skills, and to ask for what you want. Introducing change, while this one is not ideal, helps your children to become more resilient and strong.

…and life goes on

As we said, your children become more adaptable. While life is different, it is not necessarily worse. There might be growing pains, and tough days, but once everyone figures themselves out— you’ll fall into a groove. It’s different, but that’s part of life. Time marches on and things change, but you learn to adjust and change with the times. Having adaptability and being flexible is a great trait to have in the workplace, in relationships, and in general.

It’s okay to be emotional and outspoken

Ask for what you want, explain how you feel— and don’t feel sorry for it. This is part of divorce. You’re choosing to speak up, make changes, and engage with your emotions. As we’ve said, divorce is an emotional process. You don’t have to hide this from your children. It’s okay if mom/dad is feeling sad today. Make your children understand that these emotions are human, and it’s okay to express them. You’re crafting more compassionate future adults who aren’t afraid to express how they feel. Too many people are afraid to do so— this is a great lesson. 

It’s okay to make a decision for yourself once in a while

This one will take some time and reflection a bit later in life, but when your children get to know you as adults and understand the divorce— they will come to understand that being a parent is, a lot of times, a selfless act. You spend years of your life catering to another human being and making the right decisions for them. Choosing divorce, and yourself, is not mean or terrible. It is a decision you have to make for yourself from time to time. It is, in a way, a selfish decision. But selfish is not always a bad thing. Selfish sometimes means you choose yourself and what you need over that of everyone else. You needed to be happier, healthier, and in control. Making that decision is courageous and bold.

Making Blended Families Blend: Creating Strong Familial Ties

Making your blended families blend at first can be tough. You and your new spouse each have children of your own, the ages vary, and trying to create that family atmosphere can be super tough at first. Blending families has its own set of challenges associated, so we’re here to help you find out what works. Start with shared interests and work your way down until your new family, is stronger than ever. It’s tougher than it sounds, but the reward in the end— is sweeter as can be.

Making Blended Families Blend: Creating Bonds

First things first, come up with a schedule

Sit everyone down, together, and come up with a schedule. John has basketball on Tuesdays. Anna has ballet on Thursday. Marco has math club after school on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Stepmom has book club on Saturday Morning. And Dad has bowling team on Friday night. Any and all commitments, go onto one calendar and in a central place. Encourage your children to know what’s going on in each other’s lives. The first step to making blended families blend is getting everyone well acquainted with each other.

When making that schedule, fit in family time

Everyone likes to think that family time will happen organically. But, with multiple kids, schedules, and age ranges— it’s not so easy. So, when you make your calendar, figure it in. Maybe Sunday mornings are reserved for family breakfast and board games. If you put the time into the schedule, and make sure everyone is clear on it— there’s no ‘oh I made plans with Becca’, or the like. You can skip that step ahead of time by putting it on the schedule.

Maintain uniform rules in the household

You have two sets of kids you’ve raised in two sets of ways. But, each parent having to adopt different parenting styles from one set of kids to the other can cause a multitude of problems. No new step parent wants to run into the ‘well dad gives me two hours of tv time’. It’s better to set ground rules for this new family. Remember, you are creating a new family when blending together. While the other ones are still intact, a new family comes with new rules. When you sit down to make a schedule, set the new ground rules too. Knocking this out in one fell swoop will reduce the headaches down to one night.

Find an activity everyone enjoys

That planned family time can be any time, and any activity. Find something everyone enjoys together, and make that the new tradition. You want this family time to be something everyone looks forward to and can use as a means of bonding and getting to know each other. Maybe one week you do paintball, the next you go hiking, and the week after that you go to the movies. Keep it exciting and have fun! The growing pains are tough from time to time, but in the end— it’s worth it

A Child’s Interest: Prioritization in SC Custody

When it comes to South Carolina custody law, the child’s interest in the agreement is a priority amongst the parents opinions. Inevitably, divorces implicates the children of the union. Often, child custody causes emotional tension and disagreements between parents, children, and even grandparents. Understandably, many spouses believe that they have a right to the child’s full custody. However, that is not the case in South Carolina. Courts create custody arrangements for the children. Children, like adults, have a say in where they live, and who takes care of what.

A Child’s Interest: A Priority In SC Custody Agreements

There are various forms of custody that a judge may order for the child. Joint custody, or shared custody, allows the parents to essentially split custody of the child. In contrast, primary custody gives one parent full custody rights, while the other parent is allowed the right to visit during scheduled times.

Finally, the court considers the child’s wishes. If a child is appropriately mature, as determined by the court, then they have a say in which parent receives what portion of custody. However, the court does not just follow what the child says. Rather, their opinion is taken into consideration with all other facts surrounding the divorce. A judge is still left to determine the best, and safest route for the child.

A Judge Has to Make The Difficult Decisions

Sometimes, the nature of child custody in a divorce leads to no solutions. The two spouses may not see eye-to-eye, and both are insistent on having it their way. If the parents cannot workout a custody agreement together, the court steps in to make an overruling decision for them. A judge takes everything into consideration. The parents income, negative parenting history, the child’s age, and preference are among some of the main deciding factors. One singular factor is usually not enough to make a decision. Rather, the judge weighs all factors together and comes up with a solution fair for all parties within the best interest of the child.

Child Custody is Never Black and White

These decisions are tough ones to make. They are difficult on the child, the parents, and on the judge who ultimately decides the fate of the child’s living conditions. A child’s interest, even if it is not part of the court proceedings, is an important thing for the parents to understand. There is no easy way to handle custody, but as long as you make the best decision for the child— you’re doing just fine. We wish you luck.