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Divorce Coping: Methods To Try

The process of divorcing can be very rough emotionally. As a result, it’s helpful to look into divorce coping methods. These methods can help you overcome the turmoil you might be experiencing…

Divorce Coping: Methods To Try

External help

Many people like to seek external help as part of their divorce coping plan. It can be hard to deal with all the negative emotions divorce brings. Trying to balance them and all of your divorce matter by yourself can leave you feeling worse than before. Therefore, it’s helpful to have someone help you.

A therapist or counselor is one good option. These experts can figure out what’s causing you the most distress, and come up with a plan to help you start feeling better. Still, even just talking to friends or family about how you feel can be great for getting those feelings off of your chest.

Practice gratitude

Divorcing can also leave you focusing on all the negatives you think your life has. You might think you’re never gonna find love again, or that your future plans are all out the window. However, rather than letting these negative thoughts take over, it’s better to find things to be thankful for.

Focusing on the positive things in your life is another good divorce coping strategy. Try to think about the things you have which you can be grateful for. This could be your kids, your health, and the support you have from friends and family. Finding things to appreciate can give you a new outlook on divorce.

Do self-care

A lot of people also forget to take care of themselves during divorce. They’re so focused on the divorce itself, that they don’t remember their health matters just as much. Some common issues people run into are trouble sleeping, unhealthy eating habits, and not giving themselves any kind of break.

This is why self-care is key for healthy divorce coping.You’ll find your decision making is going to be a whole lot better when you get feel healthy. Make sure to get plenty of sleep, and eat as healthy as you can. Be sure to give your brain a break from the divorce every now and then too!

Online Safety Post-Divorce

When your divorce is over, it’s a good idea to take some extra steps to keep yourself safe. In particular, you should be careful about your online safety post-divorce. Making some key changes can help you feel confident and safe when you go online…

Online Safety Post-Divorce: Key Steps

Watch your Social Media

Social media is something pretty much everyone uses these days. However, it can be pretty unsafe if you aren’t careful. That’s why one good way to improve your online safety post-divorce is by being taking precautions with your profiles.

To start, it’s good to not post anything which could get you in trouble with your ex and any agreements you have. Also, be wary of who you accept as friends or followers. Some of them could be people trying to either scam you, or steal personal info and try to hack your accounts. Try to verify a person’s identity before you accept their requests.

Don’t post personal info

Another key part of online safety post-divorce is not posting important personal information. This includes things like birthdays, addresses, and phone numbers. The last thing you want is for the wrong kind of person to have that info, and use it to either harass you or try to steal your identity.

This is especially important if you want to try online dating. Not everyone who has a profile on these sites is who they say they are! Some of them might be trying to scam you out of money or personal info. Always be careful and avoid oversharing with strangers.

Set up extra security

It’s also a good idea to improve your digital security to boost your online safety post-divorce. Many websites now have two-factor authentication. That means in order to log-in, you need to enter both your password, and a code sent to your phone or email.

This is a great way to prevent would-be hackers from brute forcing their way into your profiles. Plus, you might also want to sign up for security alerts. These will let you know when it appears there’s been a breach in your security. That way, you can respond right away.

Classic Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Classic signs of a toxic relationship can indicate physical abuse or emotional abuse. There are many ways that a relationship can be toxic but there are red flags to look out for. First, any sort of physical abuse is a clear indicator that your partner is toxic. A controlling or isolating relationship is also a sign of abuse. Gaslighting is a clear signal and form of psychological abuse. And finally, verbal abuse is of course toxic as well. If you see any signs of these types of behavior, it might be time to really examine your relationship and see if it has a future.

Classic Signs of a Toxic Relationship: Am I In One?

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is the most obvious of the classic signs of a toxic relationship. Nobody, man or woman, should ever be violent with their partner. If your partner gets physical with you, it’s a dangerous warning sign. Physical abusers often follow their violence with apologies. However, the abuse is likely to continue. If your partner is abusive, contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline for help in getting out of the relationship safely.

Controlling/Isolating

Another of the classic signs of a toxic relationship is one that is very controlling. If you feel that your partner makes all of the decisions in your relationship, they might be too controlling. In addition, controlling partners often want to isolate their victims. For example, they may make their partners feel guilty for wanting alone time. Or for having close relationships with other friends and family. Look out if you feel that your personal relationships have really been declining because of a new partner. It could be because they are trying to control and isolate you.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is one of the lesser-known signs of a toxic relationship. However, it is a form of psychological abuse. This happens when your partner tries to make you believe something other than the truth. Or they may have you doubting your own feelings. A classic type of gaslighting is when somebody tries to make you feel overly emotional or crazy. They may make you question your actions, memories, or even your sanity.

Verbally Abusive

One final example of the classic signs of a toxic relationship is verbal abuse. Any partner that attacks you verbally does not deserve to be with you. Partners should not insult, belittle. or name call. In addition, if your partner frequently yells at you, this is a form of verbal abuse. Often, verbally abusive partners treat their victims very differently alone than they do when others are around. A verbally abusive relationship can have a lot of negative effects on your mental health, so it’s best to leave it as soon as possible.

Signs of a toxic relationship can be obvious but can also be subtle. In addition, there are many different types of toxic relationships. If your partner is physically abusive, you need to seek help immediately to get out of the relationship safely. If your partner is overly controlling or makes you feel isolated from friends and family, it can definitely be a red flag. In addition, a partner who gaslights you is showing signs of psychological abuse. And finally, name-calling and other forms of verbal abuse are dangerous to your mental well-being. If you see any of these signs in your partner, it might be time to take a closer look at your relationship. You deserve to be with a partner who respects you and wants to build you up. Not tear you down. If you need help leaving an abusive relationship, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Trust Issues: Frequent Signs

Trust issues can be a big reason as to why a couple may get a divorce. Still, not many people are aware of what these issues may look like. Having a better understanding of these signs can be handy for spotting and avoiding them in the future…

Trust Issues: Figure Them Out

Anticipating betrayal

One usual sign of trust issues are when you or your partner expect some kind of betrayal. Now, if you were dealing with someone who has a track record of lying, this would make sense. However, odds are your relationship doesn’t have this. Despite this, you may still expect one day to find your spouse is lying or cheating.

Even if they have shown no indication of this, you still plan for it nonetheless. For some, this is because of trust violation in the past. The thing is, all relationships are different. You have to be willing to give a fair chance to your partner.

Trusting too quickly

On the other side of trust issues are problems trusting too quickly. If you don’t have a lot of experience with building relationships based on trust, then you could offer a lot of trust to those who haven’t given you a reason to. It could be that you end up placing a lot of trust in someone you’ve known for a short time.

Trust, much like with respect, has to be earned. You need to be able to see and get a feeling for someone in order to be able to trust them. It’s good to approach any potential new friend or partner with an open mind, extending trust to them as you build a repertoire.

Mistakes are blown up

Blowing up mistakes into apparently massive issues are another example of trust issues. Everyone is going to mistakes, especially in relationships. Some will be pretty minor and not worth sweating. Yet, if you have issues with trust, you could potentially see them as part of a bigger issue.

Maybe your partner is running a bit late, or isn’t able to answer your calls. If you have problems trusting, then you may view this as them hiding something from you or hating you. In reality, they aren’t big deals, and you have to view them from the right mindset.

Balancing Time: Being Together Vs. Alone

Like many things in life, a good relationship will require balancing time. However, many couples struggle to find a good balance of time spent together and time spent alone. Figuring out a good mix can help avoid some potential issues a poor balance can bring…

Balancing Time: Find Some Middle Ground

Time together

The first aspect of balancing time is the time you spend together as a couple. It’s ideal that a couple will like spending time with each other. Additionally, while this time can be spent in many ways, the key thing is you enjoy being with your partner. Whether you’re out doing something or just relaxing at home, you’ll still value each other’s company.

Still, too much time together can potentially be bad. Even the most-inseparable couples need some space away from each other from time to time. If you don’t have that time, you’ll find you and your partner will begin to get irritated, even if you can’t tell why at first. Eventually, you won’t want to spend any time with them if you can help it.

Time apart

This is where time apart comes into the balancing time mix. This will be time you spend doing things without your partner being there. Many people spend this time being with friends or family. Still, you can also spend this time by yourself, either doing a hobby or just relaxing.

Of course, too much time apart can also be an issue. Not being with your partner can cause them to think you don’t care about them or love them. Over time, this can result in trust issues to develop. These issues can get to the point where your relationship is unable to recover.

Strike your balance

Balancing time is something every couple has to try and figure out. As every couple is a bit different, this balance will look different from one to another. Plus, it might take some experimentation before you find the balance which works for you.

The important thing is you and your partner work together to find this perfect balance. Talk to each other and figure out some ways to really enjoy your time together. Then, also discuss when and why you may want some time apart. Being on the same page will go a long way in avoiding potential problems.

Parallel Co-Parenting

Many couples find that becoming co-parents isn’t as easy as they had thought. If you find you’re having trouble, then it may help to try parallel co-parenting. This approach could be the solution to your problems and help you reach a more cohesive plan…

Parallel Co-Parenting: How It Helps

Conflicting viewpoints

Some couples will actually agree for the most part on what their co-parenting plan should be like. For some, however, they may find they struggle to even be in the same room as each other. This means it’s nearly impossible for them to come to a shared-upon plan.

As a result, more time will be spent fighting then coming to any sort of middle ground. Most co-parents in this situation will see their attempts to talk to one another end up in personal arguments. Not only will this make things harder for you, but it’ll make it much harder on your kids too. That’s why parallel co-parenting is a helpful option to consider.

Parallel approach

A parallel co-parenting plan aims to let you fulfill your co-parenting duties without the drama. Basically, you’ll be taking a more business-like approach to dealing with your co-parent. You’ll focus only on the kids, keep it to-the-point, and preferably do it in a way that won’t cause issues.

These plans also allow for a bit more independence then other ones. Of course, you’ll want to make important decisions on things like education or medical care together. But, for those more mundane day-to-day matters, you can be a bit more flexible as to what you decide to do.

Key benefits

The parallel co-parenting system comes with a good number of benefits. For starters, it lessens the amount of conflict between you and your ex. That means you can spend less time fighting, and more time being parents to your kids. The lack of conflict will also be great for your kids’ wellbeing too.

It’ll also give you more confidence in your parenting decisions. You won’t have to worry as much as to what your co-parent will say and if it’ll turn into an argument. With a parallel plan, both you and them can still parent effectively while maintaining flexibility.

How-to Handle an Unhelpful Co-Parent

Ideally, you and you co-parent will be able to work well together after your divorce. However, there may be times when you have to deal with an unhelpful co-parent. Knowing how to handle these kinds of situations is important for avoiding any major conflict…

How-to Handle an Unhelpful Co-Parent: Manage Problems

Consider the issue

When you have an unhelpful co-parent, you should consider what exactly the issue is. In particular, is the problem related to them refusing to co-parent? If not, then they may not be trying to be unhelpful on purpose. Instead, it could just be a misunderstanding.

After all, co-parenting isn’t always easy. This is especially true when you’re just starting off. When you’re running into issues, consider if they’re more just growing pains rather than purposeful difficulties. That way, you can better approach your co-parent and work out what’s wrong.

Troublesome topics

It could be that you only deal with an unhelpful co-parent when it comes to specific situations. For instance, maybe you notice you run into troubles when you ask for schedule adjustments. Everything else may be fine, but it’s this area where they always seem to be rather unhelpful.

It could be that there’s some kind of communication breakdown occurring. When you experience miscommunication, it can make your co-parent get the wrong idea about what’s going on. In turn, this can make them act rather unhelpful. Clarifying matters with your co-parent can clear these problems up and ensure you’re all on the same page.

Consider some changes

One thing you should consider is if any changes will help you solve your unhelpful co-parent problems. It could be that a lack of flexibility is leading to your struggles. It may even be that your co-parent thinks you’re the unhelpful one! At this point, you’ll definitely want to change things.

Even minor changes can go a long way in resolving your issues. Therefore, be open-minded and listen to what your co-parent has to say. By showing you take their concerns seriously and are willing to make some changes to help them, it’ll go a long way in avoiding other problems. Soon, you’ll see that your co-parenting arrangement will now work for everybody better than before.

Difficult Conversations: Adoptive Parents & Kids

As an adoptive parent, there will likely be a time you may have to have some difficult conversations with the child you adopted. These topics could be as difficult as poverty, criminal behavior, abandonment, abuse or neglect.There is not going to be a perfect script or magical way to make these conversations go smoothly. However, there are some tips you can use to try and help you through these talks. 

Difficult Conversations: How to Handle Them

Honesty

Your child’s difficult story may be hard for you to handle or grasp. Any hardships they have faced will be upsetting to you. This may want to make you want to skirt around the truth when they ask questions. The best thing to do is be honest. You may think you are protecting them, but one day they will likely find out the truth and be upset that you hid it. This is especially true with so much information being on the internet. During difficult conversations, it is best to just be honest. 

Openness

Be open to having difficult conversations as much as your children want to. This will take time, and may reoccur many times. These stories are part of them. They may have images, memories, trauma and fear deep inside of them that may never go away. Because of this, they may need to keep talking about it with you over a long period of time. After a while, these conversations may start to drain you, but for the child’s sake, keep having these conversations. Keep being willing to listen. 

Compassion

During these difficult conversations, and always, show compassion. Your child may have a lot of healing to do, and your compassion will help them on that journey. As mentioned before, it likely will be a long road, but show plenty of love along the way. Be sympathetic towards their suffering, what they went through and are currently feeling.

Listen

Sometimes, it’s best to just listen. Do not try and interrupt or counter anything that they’re saying. Let them know it is okay for them to talk to you. Sometimes, as adults, we need to vent. Your children should be afforded the same thing. Especially when getting into difficult conversations, just allow them to speak. 

While no one likes difficult conversations, they are bound to come up after you have adopted a child. These tips can help guide you during these conversations. Remember to be honest, open, compassionate and listen.

How-to Make a Divorce Announcement

It can be unpleasant or uncomfortable to have difficult conversations. However, whenever you are going through a divorce, you will have to tell people news that can be tough to talk about. It is up to you to determine who you want to tell and how much information you want to share. No one goes into a marriage planning on having to talk about divorce, so it is not unusual to be unsure about how to make a divorce announcement.

How-to Make a Divorce Announcement: Telling People the News

Who to Tell

First, you will need to decide who to share your divorce announcement with. This will be different for each couple that is splitting up. Start with people who are closest to you. This could include your parents and siblings, but most importantly your children (if you have any). Your children may be the hardest people to tell, as they could be the most emotional about it. They will be concerned with what life will be like with divorced parents, and how their life will be changing. Depending on how old they are, they may fully understand what is going on.

Whether you tell the remaining people in your life is up to you. If you are a very private person, you may decide only tell a very small circle the news. On the other hand, you could want to tell everyone. Each person will have his or own comfort levels about who to share the news with.

How to Tell People

Next, you will need to figure out how to tell people. Those who want to tell everyone may choose to put their divorce announcement on social media. Be careful with this, as anything you say on social media could come back to haunt you. This means you should keep anything you say short and tactful. However, keep in mind it could even be used in court against you. Another way to tell a large group of people is by mass email. Again, this is a little impersonal, but a quick way to spread the word.

If you are wanting to tell a smaller number of people, or choose to have a more intimate conversation about such a personal event, you may want to tell people one-on-one. This could mean a phone call, or even a face-to-face meeting. While it can sometimes almost be more difficult to brake the news in person versus hiding behind a screen, it can also be more comforting at the same time. Your friend or family member will be able to talk you through everything and show you that they care. They will be there to laugh with you, cry with you, and embrace you if you need it.

There are many ways to share a divorce announcement. Every individual situation is different and unique. Therefore, you have to do what is right for you and what you.

Who Needs a Will? When do I Need a Will?

Knowing who needs a will and when you should create a will is an important step in preparing for you future. A will is a legal document that spells out what will happen to your assets if you die. It also lays out who will be in charge of managing your assets. If you are married, you should create a will. If you have any children, you’ll want to create a will for their benefit. And anybody with positive assets should have a will in place. Having an experienced attorney guide you through the process of creating a will should give you peace of mind about your loved ones after you pass.

Who Needs a Will? When do I Need a Will?

Married

If you are married, then you’re someone who needs a will. When you die without a will, your assets would likely pass to your spouse, but it’s not a guarantee. Therefore, a will can ensure that your spouse receives your assets if that is what you wish. If there is anybody else that you want to give some assets to, this would be included in your will.

Children

Parents definitely fall into the category of people who need a will in place. In general, children inherit after your spouse has also died. So if you’d rather they inherit assets differently, you’ll need to spell that out. You can choose how to divide assets and property among your children however you’d like. In addition, a will lays out who the executor of your estate will be. It will also designate guardians for your children. This is obviously a huge part of why you need a will. The guardian will be in charge of raising your children after your passing. You’ll need to update your will if you have more children, or if anything changes with your guardianship plans.

Positive Assets

Finally, the question of who needs a will also depends on your assets and debt. If you have positive assets, you’ll want to create a will. Having positive assets means that your assets are greater than your debts. Therefore, if you’ve made and saved a lot of money and it exceeds any debts then you’ll want to designate what happens to it. Similarly, if you’ve inherited large sums of money or property, you’ll need to spell out what should be done in the event of your death.

If you’ve been wondering who needs a will, the answer really depends on whether or not it’s important to you to designate what happens to your assets or property after you die. For example, if you’re married and want to make absolutely sure your spouse inherits, or want to prevent that for any reason. If you have children, a will is important so that you can designate how they inherit assets and property from you. It also will spell out who should care for them after you die. And finally, if you’ve managed to save a bigger sum of money than your debts, you’ll want to designate who it goes to. By creating a will, you’ll be able to take care of loved ones even after you pass away.