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Category: children

Easing the Custody Transition for Children

Easing the custody transition for children is important because divorce can be quite stressful for them. They might be going back and forth between houses now, or might just be living without one parent. Either way, it’s likely a big change from what they’re used to. It can cause a lot of anxiety in children, so it’s important to make it as easy as you can for them. Prepare them in advance by talking with them about what will happen, and keep the lines of communication open. Keep their schedule as consistent as possible. Communicate with your ex about their needs and make sure that you both are on the same page when it comes to the kids. And finally, reassure your children constantly about how much you love them and how this will feel normal soon. Hopefully, you can make this time in their lives a little less stressful.

Easing the Custody Transition for Children: Smoothing a Stressful Situation

Talk with Them

It’s important to lay the groundwork ahead of time when preparing for the custody transition for children. Let them know what their schedule is going to look like moving forward. In addition, give them a chance to ask questions and raise concerns. If they are older children, or you feel that they might open up more to another person, consider getting them an appointment with a counselor or therapist. Keep the dialog going after you’ve started the transition. Check-in with them to see how they are handling things frequently.

Consistency is Key

Children thrive on consistency and schedules. Especially young children. When easing the custody transition for children, make sure to keep their schedules as similar as possible to what they’re used to. For example, make sure you and your ex are keeping bedtimes, nap times, and mealtime consistent between your houses. Try to keep them in the extra-curricular activities that they’re used to.

Communicate with Your Ex

Another important thing to remember when easing the custody transition for children is to communicate with your ex. It’s important to make sure that you are both on the same page when it comes to things like schedules and discipline. Try to remember that you need to make your children a priority. You and your ex might have some bitter feelings towards one another, but trash-talking can be harmful to children. Try to keep things civil for the sake of your co-parenting relationship.

Reassure Them

Finally, one of the most important things to do when easing the custody transition for children is reassuring them frequently. Children often feel blamed when their parents are going through a divorce. It’s important to remind them over and over that the divorce doesn’t have anything to do with them and that you both love them. Try to also reinforce the idea that this is a time of transition and pretty soon their new schedules will seem normal to them.

Easing the custody transition for children is easy if you just remember that children like consistency and like to know what to expect. Don’t try to surprise them with a new schedule. It’s a much better plan to tell them in advance and give them plenty of opportunities to voice their concerns or questions. Check-in with them frequently throughout the process. Be consistent with their schedules and make sure you and your ex can put things aside to communicate effectively about coordinating schedules. And finally, reassure your children frequently and repeatedly that you love them and that the divorce is not their fault. Let them know that pretty soon, everything will feel very normal to them. Hopefully, you can make this time in their lives a little less stressful.

Steps to Becoming a Foster Parent


If you are becoming a foster parent, you’re making an amazing decision that will improve your life and the life of the child you foster. There are so many children needing supportive foster families out there. However, the process of fostering does require some up-front work. Fostering agencies have to make sure that the parents they place children with are able to give them proper care. This requires training on the part of the foster parents. In some states, a license is actually required. Next, you’ll have an in-home visit where the agency makes sure that you’re prepared for a child. And finally, you’ll have to pass a background check. After you’ve completed all of these steps, you’ll be ready to take in a foster child and begin a relationship that will change your life.

Steps to Becoming a Foster Parent: Getting Prepared

Training

The first step to becoming a foster parent is taking a training course. This will probably cover an overview of the child welfare system and how the process of fostering works. It will help families decide whether or not this is a course that is right for them. It will also provide you with some understanding of what types of behaviors you might experience from foster children as a result of them being in the welfare system. Many children have been through the trauma of one sort or another, and the training program can help you be better prepared to help them.

Licensing

In some states becoming a foster parent requires a specific license. For example, in North Carolina, parents must complete a 30-hour course and then apply for a fostering license. Fostering and adopting are two very different things, although sometimes people get them mixed up. In states where you have to get a license, you often need a separate license if you are applying to adopt a child.

In Home Visit

After you’ve completed your training, the next step to becoming a foster parent is the in-home visit. This is when somebody from a foster agency comes to your house to check out how you live. They’ll ask you tons of questions about your lifestyle. They’ll also make sure that you have the essentials for bringing home a child. If you’re fostering a baby, you’ll need to show that you have a crib and have babyproofed. They aren’t trying to find fault with your home, but instead just getting a feel for how you live your life.

Background Check

Finally, the last piece of the puzzle to becoming a foster parent is passing a background check. Foster agencies must make sure that the children they place with foster parents are in a safe environment. Once you choose a foster agency you’d like to work with, they’ll likely order the background check. All in all, a background check keeps the children safer.

Becoming a foster parent is an amazing life-changing decision to make. It’s one that will probably be very difficult but even more rewarding. However, there is prep work to do upfront. You’ll decide which agency you’d like to work with and then begin training. Next, if you live in a state where it’s necessary, you’ll need to apply for a license. You’ll have an agent come to your house for a home visit after that. And finally, you’ll need to pass a background check. Once you’ve completed all these steps, you’ll be ready to take in a foster child and start providing some much needed support to a child in need.

Kid-Related Mistakes: What To Avoid

Trying to navigate divorce and not make mistakes can feel like an uphill battle. However, one type of mistake you want to avoid are kid-related mistakes. After all, it’s important to do your best to protect your kids from the potentially troublesome impacts of divorce…

Kid-Related Mistakes: What To Avoid

Bad-mouthing the other parent

Divorce isn’t easy for any couple. Often times, it involves a lot of buildup which eventually boils over into a divorce. During this process, many negative emotions might come to the surface. When or if this happens, then you need to watch what you say, especially around your kids.

One of the biggest kid-related mistakes is bad-mouthing your ex in front of your kids. Your kids don’t understand what has happened which caused you to divorce. To them, you’re still just their parents. As a result, you need to think of their feelings at all times before you speak.

Drag TheM In The Middle

Another of the kid-related mistakes to avoid is getting your children involved in the divorce. A lot of parents try to use their kids to help them and their goals. For instance, they might use them as messengers, or try and make them “pick a side” between them or their ex.

Again, it’s important to realize that your kids don’t see divorce like you and your ex do. Using them in this way just confuses them and causes them a lot of unwarranted psychological stress. It’s much better for both them and yourself to keep them out of these kind of positions.

Trying to spoil them

Not all kid-related mistakes are about getting your kids involved in the divorce. In fact, some of them tend to occur when trying to keep them out of things. For example, some parents like to try and spoil their kids with gifts to try and keep them happy, or because they feel guilty for stressing them.

However, this doesn’t actually tackle the real problems your kids may be experiencing. Plus, you could accidentally be encouraging spoiled behavior in the future. A better alternative is to talk to them one-on-one about how they feel, and possibly have them talk to someone like a family therapist.

Advanced Co-Parenting: Stepping Up Your Game and Collaboration 

Co-parenting can be made simple if both parents are being collaborative. However, as you, your former spouse, and your children grow as people and get older, you might find that the plan you’ve started with, needs a little bit of adjustment. Now that you’ve become pro’s at co-parenting, it’s time to kick it up a notch. We’ll call this time of reevaluation advanced co-parenting. After all, the things you’re dealing with now that you have older children, can be much more difficult, and require a more hands-on approach from both of you…

Advanced Co-Parenting: Stepping Up Your Game and Collaboration 

When you and your spouse divorced and made a plan for co-parenting, your children likely had a little bit less going on then than they do now. Especially if your children were toddlers, the introduction of new activities, commitments, and wants can being about necessary changes to how you and your former spouse are doing things… If you and your spouse were already successful at co-parenting before, making necessary changes doesn’t have to be a big production. Instead, it can be a natural progression. Not to mention, it should be easier to cooperate after years of doing the same song and dance.

Financial decisions will increase 

As your children get older, the financial requirements can become a bit more intense. For instance, buying a car, prom expenses, cell phones, college funds, interests, develop specific needs, and so forth. In short, when kids get older— the expenses can become tenfold. Therefore, making adjustments due to their needs, as well as current financials, is a pretty necessary step to helping both parents, and the child/children prosper. 

Relationship changes and growth 

As your children become young adults, they’ll start to make their own decisions. Those decisions might affect the current custody agreement that you’ve been following. Maybe your son has started playing football, and the games are every Friday night when they typically stay at Mom’s. On the flip side, maybe your daughter wants to spend Spring Break at the beach, instead of at Dad’s house. Letting your children make decisions, and also learn how to compromise, is a key part of becoming a successful adult. Tell your children to find ways to make up for their breaking a commitment. For example, since daughter wants to spend Spring Break at the beach with friends, offer Dad an extra week in the summer. 

Parenting will never be easy, or stay the same 

As your children grow, you can expect changes. Changes in opinion, habits, activities, interests, and preference. These things are to be expected, and it often means making adjustments and having conversations that you’d rather not have. However, after taking so much time as co-parents, these methods in advanced co-parenting should be a breeze…

Different Types of Adoption: Pros and Cons

Deciding to adopt a child is a huge decision, but a very exciting one! But the different types of adoption options can be overwhelming. You can choose to have an open adoption or closed adoption. There is also the option of semi-open adoption. Each has benefits and drawbacks. These will help you determine which is the best fit for your family.

Different Types of Adoption: Benefits and Drawbacks

Open Adoption

Open adoption is one of the types of adoption you can choose from. This form of adoption means that you and the birth parents will be in contact. For example, everybody knows everybody else’s identities. The amount of contact between parents can vary based on what everybody wants. However, one of the drawbacks is that there can be boundary issues. Therefore, it’s best to establish clear ideas about your future relationship at the start. One positive of open adoption is that your child can know both sets of parents. Also, you’ll be able to find out more about your child’s medical history.

Closed Adoption

Another type of adoption you can choose is a closed adoption. You and the birth parents will not have any contact at all. You’ll only find out information about the birth parents that is non-identifying. In addition, all your contact will be through a third-party mediator. One of the pros of this is that you won’t have to worry about anybody interfering with your parenting. Another positive is that if the child is from an abusive or dangerous situation, you will never have to worry about them having contact. However, you won’t know much about the child’s medical history, and the decision is permanent.

Semi-Open Adoption

One final option is a semi-open adoption. Of the types of adoptions, this is a little bit of a mix of all. In a semi-open adoption, you can have limited contact with birth parents. This would be through a third-party attorney or mediator. You can exchange mail or photos but you probably won’t know each other’s full identities. Or addresses. A positive of this is that you’ll have more access to your child’s medical history. But a negative is that it can be difficult to move on for the birth parents. Your child can also have some confusion about everybody’s roles.

The three types of adoption each have pros and cons. You can choose an open adoption, closed adoption, or semi-open. Whichever option you choose, you’ll want to discuss first with your attorney. You’re making a huge decision for your family. Whichever you choose needs to feel right for you.

Stepchild Bond: Ways To Connect

Transitioning into the role of being a stepparent can be tricky. There are certain type of boundaries which you’ll have to respect with your new stepchild. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t improve your stepchild bond. In fact, there’s a few ways you can start working on that connection…

Stepchild Bond: Ways To Connect

Be a good role model

One thing you’ll have to deal with is your stepchild trying to figure out who you are exactly. During this transition period, your new stepchild is working to get a feel for what kind of person you are, especially in comparison to their parents. Therefore, if you want to improve your stepchild bond, it’s important to set a good example.

Of course, you can do this in your day-to-day life. Acting kind and helpful helps your stepchild start to see you aren’t such a bad person after all. Plus, make sure you act positively towards them as well, so they can further see that you aren’t their enemy, but their friend.

Get into hobbies & interests

Another good way to improve your stepchild bond is by being involved in their hobbies. If your stepchild can see that you have an interest in what they like, then they might be more willing to open up and connect with you. However, understand that it might not be an easy task.

Depending on your stepchild’s age, they may not initiate things like talking about hobbies or inviting you to sports events. That’s why it’s important to understand that as an adult, you need to take some initiative. Try to do some background research on their hobbies and strike up a conversation with them about it. Or, let them know you’d be interested in attending a sports game, you just need to know how to get tickets.

Understand their point of view

One good way to improve your stepchild bond is by showing them you understand how they feel. This is a big time of change for them, and it isn’t going to be easy. Sometimes, they’re just going to want some time to themselves. By understanding that, your stepchild will warm up to you faster than if you try and “force” a bond.

Step-Sibling Introductions: Making the Transition

Introducing people who will have large roles in your child’s life is often approached as a sensitive subject. But introducing future step-parents for the first time is a big move. Beyond that, successful step-sibling introductions are a priority when it comes to seamlessly becoming a new family unit. Introducing new step-family members to a child is an exciting time for everyone. As two families are about to become one, here are some things to think about when approaching this meeting…

Step-Sibling Introductions: Tips for Smooth Meetings

Be Realistic

Bringing realistic expectations to the table when preparing for step-sibling introductions will help. Tell your kids about their future step-siblings and what they’re like. Painting a mental picture is a great way to manage expectations. 

Make It Low Key

By not making it a big deal, most children will not think too much into it. If you’re calm, they’re calm. Try meeting your future spouse and step-children at a familiar restaurant. Future step-sibling introductions don’t have to be over the top. 

Plan For It

Introducing these new family members should not come as a surprise. Planning for step-sibling introductions makes sure it’s not last minute or rushed. This is important so your children feel included in the plans. 

Be Open

Telling a four year old that she’s going to have a new sister is different than telling a fourteen year old. Being sensitive to the changes your children will be facing is significant. Future step-sibling introductions require different approaches for different ages. Give children the peace of mind that you are there to listen and answer any questions they have about this new blended family.

In conclusion, being present and aware of the changes happening will help. Be mindful when the children show signs of any emotions, and allow them to voice their opinions and feelings. Over time there may be hiccups and bumps in the road but working together to dissolve these issues will help your family accept all of its new members.

How-to Ask the Right Questions About Adoption

Whether you are unable to have kids of your own, or want to provide a home for a child who does not have one, adoption is a great option for many people. When looking into adoption, there is a lot to of things to consider. The adoption process can be confusing and overwhelming at times. This is a big decision for any individual or a family to make. Therefore, it is important to make sure you understand the the process from start to finish. Make sure you know how to ask the right questions about adoption.

How-to Ask the Right Questions About Adoption: Understand the Process

Adoption Types

First, you will need to know about the different types of adoptions. This is one of the first big questions about adoptions you should ask when starting the process. Children can be adopted internationally, through private agencies, the welfare system or even existing relationships. Understanding the different types of adoptions will help you decide which route you may want to go. There may be differences in requirements, rules and costs associated with all of the different types of adoptions.

If you choose a private or independent adoption, you will also need to understand the difference in an open and closed adoption. The difference in these are whether the birth parents want to select the adoptive parents, or even meet them. They could also choose to maintain an ongoing relationship with the adoptive family.

Cost

Another one of the important questions about adoption is about cost. Adoptions can be expensive, so you should find out how much money you will need to save up. Find out how long you have to pay the fees and ask about different payment options. Do not forget to find out about grants or tax credits to help offset adoption costs.

Preparation

When it comes to adoption, there may be some preparation work you need to do. This is another one of the questions about adoption that you should ask. There is not going to be a one-size-fits-all answer. However, there could be financial preparations you need to make. Also, you may need to find a living situation that is going to be appropriate for raising a child. Learn about the different legal, financial, medical, developmental, and behavioral issues related to adoption.

Adoption can be an amazing step in growing your family and providing a loving home for a child. Since it is also a big step, make sure that you ask all of the right questions about adoption. This way you know if this process is right for you.

Re-Examining Child Support

Re-examining child support in North Carolina might seem easy at first glance, but it can be quite a complicated process. You have to file paperwork with the change and then have a judge sign off to adjust your payments. However, this is often easier said than done, so you’ll want to hire a family law attorney to help you. Child support is a part of your separation agreement, and you’ll need to show specific reasons for wanting to change it. There are some common reasons why parents might want to change their child support situation. However, often the parents cannot agree, so this is where the attorneys step in. Your lawyer will work on your behalf to get you the child support result that you want.

Re-Examining Child Support: Modifications

How Is Child Support Decided?

Child support is a part of your original separation agreement that you file when you are getting a divorce. When the court is calculating child support, they typically look at a few factors. For example, how many children you have, what the custody situation is, and the incomes of both parents. Then they’ll decide on a number that is fair for both parties.

Justification for Changes

Re-examining child support requires that one or more of the circumstances listed above significantly change. If your child support amount is part of your marital settlement agreement, the court can adjust it if it finds the amount is ”unreasonable.” However, if your child support is court-ordered, you’ll have to prove that there has been a substantial change in your circumstances.

Common Reasons for Changes

When re-examining child support, these ”substantial” changes might come from a few different scenarios. For example, if your child’s needs change and they require more money for medical care or school. Or if they begin receiving public assistance or the custody situation changes. If your income changes involuntarily, but your child’s monetary needs do not change, you might adjust child support. If you voluntarily reduce your income at the same time as your child’s needs also decreasing, it can also justify a support change.

Where to Start

There are many scenarios where re-examining child support might be necessary. However, it’s common for parents to disagree on the appropriate amount. Therefore, having an attorney by your side can be very helpful. They can help you prove that there’s a change in circumstances, help you justify the money you’re asking for, and help make sure that you win your case.

Re-examining child support is a simple matter of submitting a court order and having a judge sign off on it. However, in reality, getting both parties to agree to the change can be very difficult. And you must be able to prove that there is a reason for adjusting child support. There are several circumstances where this might come up, but often they involve big life changes like medical issues, relocation, or a change in jobs. No matter what, you’ll want to enlist the help of an experienced family law attorney. They can help you fight to have the child support changes that you deserve.

Children’s Hobbies Post-Divorce

Your divorce can be pretty rough on both you and the kids. For them, this can be a time where they feel a wide range of emotions which can impact their lives. Therefore, it’s good to encourage them to get into some children’s hobbies post-divorce. Doing so can help them in a few ways…

 Children’s Hobbies Post-Divorce: How They Help

Relieve some stress

One benefit of children’s hobbies post-divorce is how they help your kids relax. Odds are your divorce cause you a lot of stress throughout the process. However, it also probably placed a lot of stress onto your kids as well.

This stress can get worse for them as they try and adjust to the new way things are after the divorce. Unlike adults, children tend to struggle with managing this stress and this can cause them to act out in response. Having a hobby that they can get into and enjoy is a good way for them to relax and start to feel better again.

Make new friends

Another benefit of children’s hobbies post-divorce is the way they can encourage your kids to make new friends. Aside from stress, you kids can begin to feel sad and withdrawn as well. They’ll spend a lot of time alone in their rooms, not talking to others, and may even stop doing things such as their schoolwork.

A hobby can help your kids get back to being social and making new friends. Having a shared interest is one of the fastest and easiest ways for people of all ages to find friends. Once they start feeling more comfortable and happier with their friends, their mood around the house will also begin to improve.

Improve your connection

Children’s hobbies post-divorce can also be a way for you to improve your bond. A divorce tends to make kids question if things were somehow their fault. Spending time together via a hobby is a great way to show them that you still love them and that they didn’t do anything wrong.

For example, sports programs tend to be popular with kids and parents alike. Your kids get to play a sport they enjoy and make friends with their teammates, while you get to support and cheer for them at games. These are all great things for a child to have after having their parents divorce.