Category: children

Different Types of Adoption: Pros and Cons

Deciding to adopt a child is a huge decision, but a very exciting one! But the different types of adoption options can be overwhelming. You can choose to have an open adoption or closed adoption. There is also the option of semi-open adoption. Each has benefits and drawbacks. These will help you determine which is the best fit for your family.

Different Types of Adoption: Benefits and Drawbacks

Open Adoption

Open adoption is one of the types of adoption you can choose from. This form of adoption means that you and the birth parents will be in contact. For example, everybody knows everybody else’s identities. The amount of contact between parents can vary based on what everybody wants. However, one of the drawbacks is that there can be boundary issues. Therefore, it’s best to establish clear ideas about your future relationship at the start. One positive of open adoption is that your child can know both sets of parents. Also, you’ll be able to find out more about your child’s medical history.

Closed Adoption

Another type of adoption you can choose is a closed adoption. You and the birth parents will not have any contact at all. You’ll only find out information about the birth parents that is non-identifying. In addition, all your contact will be through a third-party mediator. One of the pros of this is that you won’t have to worry about anybody interfering with your parenting. Another positive is that if the child is from an abusive or dangerous situation, you will never have to worry about them having contact. However, you won’t know much about the child’s medical history, and the decision is permanent.

Semi-Open Adoption

One final option is a semi-open adoption. Of the types of adoptions, this is a little bit of a mix of all. In a semi-open adoption, you can have limited contact with birth parents. This would be through a third-party attorney or mediator. You can exchange mail or photos but you probably won’t know each other’s full identities. Or addresses. A positive of this is that you’ll have more access to your child’s medical history. But a negative is that it can be difficult to move on for the birth parents. Your child can also have some confusion about everybody’s roles.

The three types of adoption each have pros and cons. You can choose an open adoption, closed adoption, or semi-open. Whichever option you choose, you’ll want to discuss first with your attorney. You’re making a huge decision for your family. Whichever you choose needs to feel right for you.

Stepchild Bond: Ways To Connect

Transitioning into the role of being a stepparent can be tricky. There are certain type of boundaries which you’ll have to respect with your new stepchild. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t improve your stepchild bond. In fact, there’s a few ways you can start working on that connection…

Stepchild Bond: Ways To Connect

Be a good role model

One thing you’ll have to deal with is your stepchild trying to figure out who you are exactly. During this transition period, your new stepchild is working to get a feel for what kind of person you are, especially in comparison to their parents. Therefore, if you want to improve your stepchild bond, it’s important to set a good example.

Of course, you can do this in your day-to-day life. Acting kind and helpful helps your stepchild start to see you aren’t such a bad person after all. Plus, make sure you act positively towards them as well, so they can further see that you aren’t their enemy, but their friend.

Get into hobbies & interests

Another good way to improve your stepchild bond is by being involved in their hobbies. If your stepchild can see that you have an interest in what they like, then they might be more willing to open up and connect with you. However, understand that it might not be an easy task.

Depending on your stepchild’s age, they may not initiate things like talking about hobbies or inviting you to sports events. That’s why it’s important to understand that as an adult, you need to take some initiative. Try to do some background research on their hobbies and strike up a conversation with them about it. Or, let them know you’d be interested in attending a sports game, you just need to know how to get tickets.

Understand their point of view

One good way to improve your stepchild bond is by showing them you understand how they feel. This is a big time of change for them, and it isn’t going to be easy. Sometimes, they’re just going to want some time to themselves. By understanding that, your stepchild will warm up to you faster than if you try and “force” a bond.

Step-Sibling Introductions: Making the Transition

Introducing people who will have large roles in your child’s life is often approached as a sensitive subject. But introducing future step-parents for the first time is a big move. Beyond that, successful step-sibling introductions are a priority when it comes to seamlessly becoming a new family unit. Introducing new step-family members to a child is an exciting time for everyone. As two families are about to become one, here are some things to think about when approaching this meeting…

Step-Sibling Introductions: Tips for Smooth Meetings

Be Realistic

Bringing realistic expectations to the table when preparing for step-sibling introductions will help. Tell your kids about their future step-siblings and what they’re like. Painting a mental picture is a great way to manage expectations. 

Make It Low Key

By not making it a big deal, most children will not think too much into it. If you’re calm, they’re calm. Try meeting your future spouse and step-children at a familiar restaurant. Future step-sibling introductions don’t have to be over the top. 

Plan For It

Introducing these new family members should not come as a surprise. Planning for step-sibling introductions makes sure it’s not last minute or rushed. This is important so your children feel included in the plans. 

Be Open

Telling a four year old that she’s going to have a new sister is different than telling a fourteen year old. Being sensitive to the changes your children will be facing is significant. Future step-sibling introductions require different approaches for different ages. Give children the peace of mind that you are there to listen and answer any questions they have about this new blended family.

In conclusion, being present and aware of the changes happening will help. Be mindful when the children show signs of any emotions, and allow them to voice their opinions and feelings. Over time there may be hiccups and bumps in the road but working together to dissolve these issues will help your family accept all of its new members.

How-to Ask the Right Questions About Adoption

Whether you are unable to have kids of your own, or want to provide a home for a child who does not have one, adoption is a great option for many people. When looking into adoption, there is a lot to of things to consider. The adoption process can be confusing and overwhelming at times. This is a big decision for any individual or a family to make. Therefore, it is important to make sure you understand the the process from start to finish. Make sure you know how to ask the right questions about adoption.

How-to Ask the Right Questions About Adoption: Understand the Process

Adoption Types

First, you will need to know about the different types of adoptions. This is one of the first big questions about adoptions you should ask when starting the process. Children can be adopted internationally, through private agencies, the welfare system or even existing relationships. Understanding the different types of adoptions will help you decide which route you may want to go. There may be differences in requirements, rules and costs associated with all of the different types of adoptions.

If you choose a private or independent adoption, you will also need to understand the difference in an open and closed adoption. The difference in these are whether the birth parents want to select the adoptive parents, or even meet them. They could also choose to maintain an ongoing relationship with the adoptive family.

Cost

Another one of the important questions about adoption is about cost. Adoptions can be expensive, so you should find out how much money you will need to save up. Find out how long you have to pay the fees and ask about different payment options. Do not forget to find out about grants or tax credits to help offset adoption costs.

Preparation

When it comes to adoption, there may be some preparation work you need to do. This is another one of the questions about adoption that you should ask. There is not going to be a one-size-fits-all answer. However, there could be financial preparations you need to make. Also, you may need to find a living situation that is going to be appropriate for raising a child. Learn about the different legal, financial, medical, developmental, and behavioral issues related to adoption.

Adoption can be an amazing step in growing your family and providing a loving home for a child. Since it is also a big step, make sure that you ask all of the right questions about adoption. This way you know if this process is right for you.

Re-Examining Child Support

Re-examining child support in North Carolina might seem easy at first glance, but it can be quite a complicated process. You have to file paperwork with the change and then have a judge sign off to adjust your payments. However, this is often easier said than done, so you’ll want to hire a family law attorney to help you. Child support is a part of your separation agreement, and you’ll need to show specific reasons for wanting to change it. There are some common reasons why parents might want to change their child support situation. However, often the parents cannot agree, so this is where the attorneys step in. Your lawyer will work on your behalf to get you the child support result that you want.

Re-Examining Child Support: Modifications

How Is Child Support Decided?

Child support is a part of your original separation agreement that you file when you are getting a divorce. When the court is calculating child support, they typically look at a few factors. For example, how many children you have, what the custody situation is, and the incomes of both parents. Then they’ll decide on a number that is fair for both parties.

Justification for Changes

Re-examining child support requires that one or more of the circumstances listed above significantly change. If your child support amount is part of your marital settlement agreement, the court can adjust it if it finds the amount is ”unreasonable.” However, if your child support is court-ordered, you’ll have to prove that there has been a substantial change in your circumstances.

Common Reasons for Changes

When re-examining child support, these ”substantial” changes might come from a few different scenarios. For example, if your child’s needs change and they require more money for medical care or school. Or if they begin receiving public assistance or the custody situation changes. If your income changes involuntarily, but your child’s monetary needs do not change, you might adjust child support. If you voluntarily reduce your income at the same time as your child’s needs also decreasing, it can also justify a support change.

Where to Start

There are many scenarios where re-examining child support might be necessary. However, it’s common for parents to disagree on the appropriate amount. Therefore, having an attorney by your side can be very helpful. They can help you prove that there’s a change in circumstances, help you justify the money you’re asking for, and help make sure that you win your case.

Re-examining child support is a simple matter of submitting a court order and having a judge sign off on it. However, in reality, getting both parties to agree to the change can be very difficult. And you must be able to prove that there is a reason for adjusting child support. There are several circumstances where this might come up, but often they involve big life changes like medical issues, relocation, or a change in jobs. No matter what, you’ll want to enlist the help of an experienced family law attorney. They can help you fight to have the child support changes that you deserve.

Children’s Hobbies Post-Divorce

Your divorce can be pretty rough on both you and the kids. For them, this can be a time where they feel a wide range of emotions which can impact their lives. Therefore, it’s good to encourage them to get into some children’s hobbies post-divorce. Doing so can help them in a few ways…

 Children’s Hobbies Post-Divorce: How They Help

Relieve some stress

One benefit of children’s hobbies post-divorce is how they help your kids relax. Odds are your divorce cause you a lot of stress throughout the process. However, it also probably placed a lot of stress onto your kids as well.

This stress can get worse for them as they try and adjust to the new way things are after the divorce. Unlike adults, children tend to struggle with managing this stress and this can cause them to act out in response. Having a hobby that they can get into and enjoy is a good way for them to relax and start to feel better again.

Make new friends

Another benefit of children’s hobbies post-divorce is the way they can encourage your kids to make new friends. Aside from stress, you kids can begin to feel sad and withdrawn as well. They’ll spend a lot of time alone in their rooms, not talking to others, and may even stop doing things such as their schoolwork.

A hobby can help your kids get back to being social and making new friends. Having a shared interest is one of the fastest and easiest ways for people of all ages to find friends. Once they start feeling more comfortable and happier with their friends, their mood around the house will also begin to improve.

Improve your connection

Children’s hobbies post-divorce can also be a way for you to improve your bond. A divorce tends to make kids question if things were somehow their fault. Spending time together via a hobby is a great way to show them that you still love them and that they didn’t do anything wrong.

For example, sports programs tend to be popular with kids and parents alike. Your kids get to play a sport they enjoy and make friends with their teammates, while you get to support and cheer for them at games. These are all great things for a child to have after having their parents divorce.

Creative Bonding: Child Connections

Sometimes, divorce can cause your kids to become somewhat distant and withdrawn. When this happens, you might want to try some creative bonding exercises. These unique methods can help you start to re-connect with your kids…

Creative Bonding: Child Connections

Drawing & painting

Drawing and painting are both very good creative bonding techniques to use. These are some of the basics when it comes to looking for something creative to do with your kids. Plus, it’s something those especially young kids can do and still enjoy, making it very versatile.

Remember, thought, that you still want to make it fun and engaging for them. A good way to do this is by giving it structure. Try to pick some kind of theme or topic that the works will center around. Be sure to join in the process as well! You kids will love to have you a part of the process.

Spend some time outside

Technology certainly is popular these days, especially among those who are younger. However, it can also cause them to be more withdrawn. Sometimes, it can be useful to have them (and you) take a break from technology and do some creative bonding together outside.

Now, you don’t have to pull of some grand camping trip somewhere. After all, you want to make sure that your kids will enjoy the things you do. Try to start off smaller instead, by say going outside in the yard or to a nearby park. There’s a wide variety of outdoor games and activities you and your kids can do together.

Get into their interests

You surely have your fair share of hobbies or interests, and your kids certainly do as well. Therefore, what better way to get some creative bonding done than by talking to them about these interests? Kids tend to like it when their parents show some real, genuine interest into their hobbies and such.

It helps to do some research beforehand on what exactly your kids are into. That way, it shows them you’re serious about getting to know what they like. Doing so will make them much more likely to open up and get you involved in these interests.

Co-Parenting Goals: Find Success

It can be a bit difficult to start co-parenting. To help you and your ex going in the right direction, it can be a good idea to set some co-parenting goals. These goals can help ensure your efforts result in success…

Co-Parenting Goals

Help the kids feel secure

Divorce usually causes your kids to feel a lot of uncertainty about the future. While you yourself might have a lot of questions about what’s next, your kids also will feel the same. Mainly, they might be worried about where they’ll live, or if the divorce itself was somehow their fault.

Therefore, it helps to set making the kids feel secure as one of your co-parenting goals. Having a good, consistent schedule can help them adjust to this new “normal” and feel more relaxed. Spending plenty of time with them also helps reinforce to them that you or your ex aren’t going anywhere.

Create a budget

Divorce also brings changes to one’s budget. As a co-parent, you’ll not only need to plan a budget for yourself, but also one for your kids with your co-parent. Usually, this budget involves things like major expenses, such as tuition or medical bills. That’s why this shared budget is another of the co-parenting goals to work towards.

One useful way to do this is by first meeting with your ex and going over your individual budgets. Then, you can look at what major kid-related costs you might have. By doing so, you can work on adjusting your budgets to meet your kids’ needs.

Better communication

Not all ex-couples will want to talk all the time after divorcing. Still, co-parenting will require some kind of communication between the two of you. After all, you’ll have to coordinate things like dropping or picking up the kids. Due to this, improving communication is one of the most common co-parenting goals.

A good way to do this is by keeping your conversations positive. Focus on the good things, like if the kids got good grades on a test, over negative topics. It’s also good to help keep them in the loop about any changes to your schedule which could impact your usual co-parenting plans.

Parental Conflict: Spare The Kids

Emotions usually tend to run a bit high during a divorce. However, if you have kids, you won’t want to fight with their other parent in front of them. Rather, it’s important to spare them from as much parental conflict as possible. There’s a few ways you can shield them from those heated disagreements…

Parental Conflict: Protect Your Children

Don’t fight in front of them

For starters, it’s important you keep any parental conflict away from the kids. You don’t want to have a major argument with them there. Doing so will not only scare them, but it’ll leave a lasting impression. This will make it harder for them to adjust to the divorce and process it in a healthy way.

If you come to a disagreement, you should do your best to avoid escalating things into an argument. Keep your calm and don’t engage in any name calling or yelling. Still, if you’re worried about things potentially getting heated, you should ensure your conversations take place in private somewhere away from the kids.

Don’t vent to the kids

Even if you don’t argue in front of the kids, you can accidentally get them involved in parental conflict. In particular, this could happen if you vent to them about the divorce and their other parent. Some parents might think it’s okay to do so, especially if their kids are older and say they want to help.

The reality is venting to them will put them in an awkward position. Suddenly, they’ll feel like they need to take sides, which could cause their relationship with their other parent to suffer. Instead, you should only talk about the divorce and any issue you have with your support network.

Follow the co-parenting plan

You should also make sure that any parental conflict doesn’t get in the way of your co-parenting plan. After a fight with your soon-to-be-ex, you might want to “get back” at them. One way you may do this is either by not dropping off the kids when you’re supposed too, or otherwise not following the original plan.

What this does is basically put your kids in the middle of the divorce. Now, they’re going to feel like they did something wrong, and that’s why things have gone the way they have. Doing this will also negatively impact any co-parenting plans going forward, and could even hurt your divorce goals.

How to Keep Children Safe from Physical Abuse

If you are in an abusive relationship, it’s important to keep children safe from physical abuse. Sometimes abuse can escalate quickly. If you are trying to find a way to safely exit the relationship, you need a way to protect your children in the meantime. While you work on a safe way to leave, create a plan with your children. Practice a safe word and give them tips for protecting themselves. Teach them to not intervene. And finally, reassure them frequently that you will always believe them if they come to you with problems. Hopefully, you can find some support to help you find a safe way to leave your abuser. You and your child will be much better off, not to mention, much safer.

How to Keep Children Safe from Physical Abuse: Protect Them While You Make a Plan

Get Away from Abuser

The most important thing to keep children safe from physical abuse is to leave your abuser as soon as the abuse starts. If you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship and it turns violent, it’s time to leave. Emotional abuse is not okay either, but physical abuse puts you and your children at risk. Find somebody you trust to help you make an exit plan.

Have a Plan

Another thing to help keep children safe from physical abuse is to make a plan with your children. You should teach them a safe place to go if anything starts to happen in front of them. In addition, teach them to find a safe place in the house to hide. Make sure it’s a place that doesn’t have dangerous objects like a kitchen. It’s also a great idea to make a safe word with them so that if they hear it they know to go to a pre-determined safe place. Enlist the help of a neighbor or somebody you trust to be a safe haven for them. Make sure that they memorize their phone numbers.

They Are Not to Intervene

It’s also important to help keep children safe from physical abuse by making sure that they understand not to intervene. Witnessing violence can have damaging lasting effects on children. Not only does it scare them, but it can upset them to see you frightened. Teach them not to intervene under any circumstances. Instead, they should find a safe place to go. Make sure they know techniques to calm down, and of course, make sure they know how to dial 911.

Reassurance

Finally, one last thing to help keep children safe from physical abuse is to make sure that they know they can trust you with anything. Children need to know that you will believe them no matter what they say. If they come to you and reveal that your partner is abusive, you need to take them at their word and investigate further. They need to know that they can trust you. This is a difficult time for them and they need you by their side.

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, you must make sure to keep children safe from physical abuse. The absolute most important thing to do is to get away from your abuser as soon as you can. However, it’s important to make sure that you do this in a safe way that doesn’t put you at further risk. Create a plan just for your child in case abuse starts when they are present. Have a safe word for them to either hide in a safe place or leave the house and get help. Make sure they know not to intervene. And of course, make sure that they know that you will believe them if they come to you with problems. Hopefully, you’ll be able to get some support and find a way to safely exit the relationship so that you and your child can be safer and happier.