fbpx

Category: children

Babysitting Etiquette: Being a Good Client 

Being a single parent is tough work. You’re handling a lot of day-to-day operations completely alone, and sometimes parents need a break. So, that means you need to call in a babysitter. You might not do so often, or maybe the other parent is usually your babysitter. But, in the event that you’re taking a night out— it’s important to make sure you’re maintaining some proper babysitting etiquette.

You’re bringing someone into your home and trusting them with your children. While you want them to respect your home, it’s also important that you respect them. So, we’re giving you a guide to being a good client when it comes to babysitting. Because ;et’s face it— you’re going to want them to come over again.

Babysitting Etiquette: Being a Good Client

The less last minute— the better

Don’t expect your babysitter to be free in thirty minutes for a last minute escape. Planning ahead, and scheduling their time ahead is not only respectful but it’s also more likely to be successful. If you’re using a reputable neighborhood babysitter, chances are, her Friday night is booked by Monday. Make your plans early, that way you aren’t spending your one night off all dressed up with nowhere to go.

Pay them a reasonable amount

In short, don’t try to cheap out on a babysitter. Sure, a 16 year old doesn’t necessarily need to be making $13 an hour, but $10 is quite reasonable. If you’re hiring someone who is reputable, has a lot of baby-sitting experience, and they’re coming to you last minute— pay them accordingly. Remember that you are a potential future client, just like any other business. You don’t pay well? They’ll likely go with another family. You don’t pay well even when they come last minute? Good luck getting them to return at all.

Show up when you say you will

Don’t tell your babysitter that you’ll be home at nine, only to show up at 10:30 or later. Their time is valuable as well, and you might not be their only obligation this evening. So, make sure you treat their time as you’d like your time to be treated.

Feed your sitter, too!

Babysitters are usually required from around dinner time, to beyond. So, feed them! Offer up snacks in the fridge, pantry, or if you feel uncomfortable with that— ask what snacks she prefers, or leave money for pizza. You might not want the babysitter making herself at home with your groceries. But, don’t leave them high and dry— give them some options.

Ask for additional services if you want them, don’t expect it

The number one piece of babysitting etiquette is this: don’t expect the babysitter to wash your dishes, fold the laundry, and wipe down the counters without being asked. Many families don’t expect this, however if you ask them to do so and the oblige— good for you! But, it might not hurt to pay them a little extra for doing so. They are a babysitter and not a cleaning service, after all.

Divorced Father and Teenage Daughter: Making the Best of Trying Years

If you’re a divorced father with teenage daughters, you likely feel a little lost in translation sometimes. Especially if your daughter lives with their mother, you might feel like you’re missing out on some of the most formative years. Your child is figuring themselves out, starting to become an adult; their own person. So, how do you connect? It can be pretty trying at times, but doing so is a necessity. The bond of a father and daughter often faces disruption after a divorce, but you can get back on track.

Divorced Father and Teenage Daughter: Making the Best of Trying Years

Set Special Days…. Way Ahead of Time

You two need time to yourself. Time that is sacred, but also, that is set way in advance. Teenage girls can often feel like the busiest people in the world to themselves. They have friends, boyfriends, jobs, school functions, ‘hanging out’, and doing all the things they want to do at the forefront. Parents, unfortunately, often fall to the wayside during those teenage years. Especially when you aren’t seeing them every day.

Out of sight, out of mind is pretty prevalent in that younger group. So, next time you see her— set the next time you’ll have a special day. Agree on something that makes you both excited, set the day, and honor it. Doing this every time will be much easier than trying to organize it through mom, or a distracted daughter.

Lift Her Up, Empower Her Goals

It’s tough to get your teenager to open up. This is something we all know because, well, we’ve been there. For girls it can be a little bit different. But, when she expresses an interest to you— encourage them! Too many parents, friends, family, etc. stick to their classic ‘you’re a pretty girl’, ‘what a beautiful lady you’re becoming’, type of compliments and starting pieces. While increasing self-esteem is related to beauty in some part, there’s a lot more to it and, to her.

If she has an interest, a strength, or something about her that is unique to her— encourage that! Whether she’s interested in guitar, a fantastic swimmer, singer, or juggler… whatever it may be. Encourage her confidence by helping her learn to embrace her uniqueness.

Text Often, Call Sometimes

The great thing about our day and age is that our kids have their phones with them all too often. But, that means, you can send them a message any time you want. Don’t expect them to answer all the time, at the very least, they’ll know you’re thinking about them and to call when they get a chance. A divorced father can have it pretty tough, especially if he lives far away. But the key is to do what you can, and with time they’ll likely come back around. Daughters are tough, but man, are teenagers difficult to handle most of the time.

The key for you, pops, is to keep your head up high and know that it will come. It might take a transition, the strike of midnight when they turn 20, or a strong realization… But, either way— we’re rooting for you and wish you luck and patience.

Spring Break Planning for Single Parents

If this is your first year managing spring break as a single parent, I’m sure you’re feeling a little bit overwhelmed. You have a whole week of activities to plan, kids to keep occupied, and still, work to do. So, let’s get to planning. Sure, it’s going to take a bit of work, but with a little effort— and maybe a nice glass of wine, you’ll be set for success in no time.

Spring Break Planning for Single Parents

Step one: Do not panic

You’ve got this! You’re not going to go crazy. You aren’t going to misplace one of the kids. All is well with the world. So, let’s start there, and now that we’ve covered it— on to step two.

Step two: Plan for this ahead of time

When you and Mom/Dad planned out your co-parenting schedule, spring break was (hopefully) included. So, you at least have the groundwork set for what days you’ve got. If you can, or want, to take off from work for a few days— this might be a good time to do it. You’ll have plenty of quality time with the kiddos. So, pack your days! Water park, hikes, camp outs in the backyard, picnics— have some fun with it. But, make sure to actually craft a plan so you aren’t having to run around last minute.

Step three: But, remember to be reasonable with your plans

Make sure to take into account that this is likely the first time you’re doing this on your own. Don’t be too ambitious with your plans. An example of that might be something like, planning a trip to Hawaii with two kids on your own. You’ll have to pack luggage, print plane tickets, make the boarding time… the list goes on and on. That’s a lot to handle all on your own. Don’t put yourself through so much stress just to make your kids feel better about the divorce. You guys can have just as much fun doing movies and camp outs in the living room. Don’t stretch yourself too thin!!

Step four: Lastly, remember to enjoy the time

I know it’s stressful; you have a lot to handle. But, when it all feels like too much, take a second, cool off, and remember what you’re doing. You’re spending quality time with your kids. You’re making memories, you’re enjoying yourselves as a family. It can be tough, especially  this first year after a separation. You’re facing a lot of changes, but your family isn’t one of them. Embrace the time, ride it out, and pour yourself a glass of wine on that first day back to school. You earned it.

Encouragement for A Single Dad: You’re Doing Awesome!

Being a single parent is extremely tough. But, being a single dad in particular does with its own set of unique challenges. For one, you’re typically seen as the one who should provide, but also as the one who isn’t involved quite as much. Gender roles and expectations, while we try and defy them, still play a part in how single fathers are seen every day. So, we’re here for you guys. Following, you will find a few pieces of encouragement that every single father needs. Your job is tough, and the expectations can make you feel small sometimes. We’re here to tell you that you’re doing a great, and you should keep doing what you’re doing.

Encouragement for A Single Dad: You’re Doing Awesome!
Set aside time for yourself, you’re important too

The one thing that most single parents forget to do, is unwind. You have a lot on your plate, and your job is never ending. So, whether you time is then minutes, or an hour— create a ritual for yourself. A long, hot shower, a night on the town, or maybe even a nice date. If you don’t do something for yourself every now and then, it can be quite difficult to not resent your role every now and then. A good reset, is just what the doctor ordered.

Take pride in the small victories!

Whether that’s cooking a solid meal, getting your kid to say ‘thank you’ to a stranger, or even just one kid using the potty— celebrate!!!!! You’ve just done something awesome for your family. Use this as an opportunity to feel the presence of all your hard work, and revel in it. Being a single dad is tough, but extremely rewarding. Especially in a moment you’ve worked hard for.

It’s okay to feel relief when you’re on your own for a bit

As we’ve said, and will say again— you need a break. You don’t have to feel bad for wanting them, and you definitely don’t have to feel bad for enjoying your alone time— even if that’s at work. When you drop them off at school, that feeling of guilt over wanting to close your eyes and fall asleep right there typically takes over for a lot of single parents. But, it shouldn’t! You work hard. At work, at home, in the kitchen, baths, bedtime… you have two full-time jobs. Repeat after me: it’s okay to enjoy alone time.

Have fun with it!

Ten years down the road, you’re going to look back and miss those rainy Saturday movie days, or evenings on the basketball court. When you have the chance to spend quality, fun time with the kids— leave all that other stuff behind. Work, custody hardships, financial woes— check them at the door for a bit. You have a unique opportunity to watch your kids grow up close, and to take the credit for the awesome people they’re becoming. Be the person you want them to be, and you can never go wrong. We wish you luck on this incredible, tough, and rewarding journey.

Becoming a Better Step Parent

Being a step parent can be trying at times. If you watch any Disney movie, you know there is a stigma there of unruly step parents with scary motives. But, in all reality— you’re just trying to navigate your role and figure out where you fit in when it comes to being a step parent, and what that entails. So we’re going to try and help you figure it out. You’ve been a step parent for a while now, and you might still feel iffy— so we’re going to give you a few pointers on how to be a better step parent. From making yourself a little more confident, to making them feel a little closer to you. This journey isn’t easy, but you’ll be one step closer to figuring it out.

Becoming a Better Step Parent
Hold off on the parenting bit

If they aren’t your kids, it isn’t your job to discipline them. Especially not in the beginning. Embrace your role of a secondary parent. That means you get to be there for the child, cheer them on— but be hands off when it comes to the not so fun stuff.

While it might make you feel as if you’re in the background a bit, wait until you’ve established a deeper understanding of the child before you dive right in. It might take a year or more, but in the meantime— you get to be the fun one. That’s not all bad!

Be patient through their process of accepting you

Understand that while you and your spouse have chosen each other— the kids are kind of involuntary along for the ride. It might sound harsh, and believe me— it’s not meant to be. But, you’ve gotta go with the growing pains. A child, especially one who still has a divorce fresh in their mind— is going to be a little jaded.

They’re probably still under the impression that mom and dad will work it out, and your presence might have thrown a wrench in that. I know it’s tough to hear, but better coming from me than from the kids in a fit of anger. Be patient with them. It might take some time, but I guarantee— one of these days, they’ll extend a hand and it will all be worth it.

If you’re feeling unsure, talk to your spouse

Being a step parent, especially a new one, is tough business. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t. There are so many boundaries that you’re left to figure out on your own. Every child is different, and every parenting style is as well. If you’re feeling unsure about your role, or even discouraged— talk with your spouse.

They might not be able to provide a solution, because ultimately— the solution is time. But, you can vent. You can express your frustration, and get it all off your chest. As we’ve said, you have a tough new role to fall into. Finding ways to be a better step parent to your step children is trying at times. Take your time, find your peace, and know that with time— you’ll get there.

New Parent Problems: Tips for Your New Journey

Being a new parent is exciting, educational, and also, terrifying. You went from worrying about getting enough cheese sticks, and what to paint the nursery— to figuring out why your baby is screaming, and why you’ll never sleep again. The learning experience is pretty hands on, and I’m sure you’ll make a lot of late night calls to your doctor or visits to Google.

Parenting is a rewarding, scary, hilarious journey on your first time by. So we’re going to try and make it a little easier. Following, you’ll find a quick list of tips we hope will help you weather the storm. Every new parent, and their journey, is different. And these tips might be successful for you— or they might not be. It’s all up to your baby.

New Parent Problems: Tips for Your New Journey
Take care of your own health as well

Your newborn needs it’s parents. So, take a little time for self-care. There are two parents, and I’m sure a few lingering relatives— take advantage. By this, I mean take a shower, bath, drink some water, and pour yourself a cup of coffee. Falling asleep while nursing is extremely dangerous. Make sure you’re feeling alright too. Your health is just as important as the health of your baby.

Make a schedule with your partner

As we’ve said, there are two of you. Take turns waking up with baby. Those first few days are probably going to be primarily mama because of the breastfeeding. But, pumping so that dad can wake up with the baby in the night too— will be a lifesaver for both of you. Now, more than ever, a group effort is essential. Make a schedule, whether it’s every other night, or every other time baby wakes up— implement a system and stick with it. You’re both gonna be tired, but a little less than one of you would be if all the work is falling on you.

Accept help

Right after a baby, you’re the most popular person you’ll know. People will want to cook you meals, clean your home, hold baby while you take a nap, and so on. We’re here to tell you: take the help while it lasts. After a few weeks or months, the newness will wear off and inevitably— you’ll end up in that period where most people forget to reach out. So, make the most of your rockstar days and let anyone (you’re comfortable with) who wants to help— help.

Crying is normal

Your baby is gonna cry sometimes. And it might feel like they’ll never stop, but they will. Letting them cry and learn how to soothe themselves, and also just take the time to catch up on Real Housewives, is okay. You’re not a bad parent, your baby isn’t going to hate you forever— eventually they will stop. Just check in from time to time, make sure they’re still in the position you left them in— and let it ride. No matter how hard it may feel, you’ll likely be better off in the end.

Celebrating V Day with Your Kiddos

As Valentine’s Day approaches, you’re probably trying to figure out how to have some fun with the kiddos. The good news is, there are plenty of different ways for you to have fun with your kids on V day. From special foods, celebrations, and love letters— we’re going to give you a few ideas on how to ring in another day of loving your babies. On Valentine’s day, you just have a bigger reason to celebrate it.

Celebrating V Day with Your Kiddos: Having Some Cheesy, Love-Day Fun
Start the day with a themed breakfast!

Valentine’s day falls on a Wednesday this year, so the babies have to go to school— so, get festive with breakfast. Put a few drops of grenadine in their orange juice to make it a ‘sweetheart sunrise’. Cut their pancakes into hearts, or put strawberries and whipped cream on top. Have some fun with it!

Write cute little notes for their lunch

If your kids like bananas, we have an awesome trick for you. Take something slightly pointed, and push a note into the skin of the banana. You don’t have to push through, but by lunch time it will brown into a perfect little note. Or, you can just write it in marker. Or even just write a note! The point is, you have options if this is something you want to do.

Plan a fun night for you guys!

Bake and decorate cookies together, or a heart-shaped cake. Watch kid-friendly movies centered around love. Have dinner by candle light together. Do something to celebrate with the kiddos. Especially if you’re a newly single parent, V day can get you down. But what more perfect remedy than your kids? Celebrate your love of them, and encourage them to do the same with others.

Deliver sweet treats to your neighbors to inspire spreading love and joy

Get your kids in the spirit of giving and spreading love! Take all of those cookies you made, and deliver some to your neighbors. It is important that you instill the idea of giving, and brightening others day to your children. it makes them more compassionate, insightful adults. So, start a new tradition! Every year, on Valentine’s day, you make cookies for the neighbors (or something to that effect). It’s just a suggestion, but it’s a heartwarming way to spread some cheer.

Introducing Your Children to a New Partner

Introducing your kids to a new partner can be quite tricky. Especially if this is the first serious partner since your divorce from their other parent. You’re left to figure out when to tell them, how to tell them, and cope with the reaction. Every child is different, and there’s no telling how they’ll take the news. But, if you’re serious about this person— it’s inevitable. So we’re going to help you navigate the process. The rules to follow, the steps to take, and common missteps made by the masses.

Introducing Your Children to a New Partner

First things first, discuss it with their other parent

It is important to make sure that before you even consider introducing your new partner to your kids— you make their other parent aware. You both, together, must pick a timeline to adhere to. It’s always a smart move to set a time limit on meeting the kids. Whether you and the other parent set that at four months, six months, or a year— you must honor this. If you’re considering breaking the rule, think about how you’d feel if the other parent did the same.

Tell your kids alone, then introduce the two of them

You don’t want to bombard your kids, and you don’t want them to feel threatened either. Introducing your kids to your new partner as you’re telling them you have one can be a bit overwhelming. You want to introduce the idea, let it simmer, then introduce the partner. Your children need to be reminded that this person is not a threat. While that might feel silly to you, and impossible—your child is going to have to adjust to the idea first. Honor that need.

When you introduce them, keep it light and natural

Introduce them, give them a little time to acquaint themselves, and be there if they need you. Every parents hope when introducing their children and a new partner is that they’ll quickly become friends. While it doesn’t always happen like that, try to facilitate that atmosphere. This starts with what we talked about before: telling your kids alone.

It’s pretty intimidating for a new partner to meet your kids, not just the other way around! Set them up for success by preparing them too. Keep it light, low-key, and don’t set expectations. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst— and understand that it might fall somewhere in between. We wish you luck!

Crafting a Foolproof Parenting Plan 

We’ve talked about healthy co-parenting schedules, but now we’re going to make a parenting plan. One of the hardest aspects of divorce when you have kids, is figuring out how to keep the parenting as smooth, and unchanging as possible. You’re probably a bit overwhelmed, wondering where to start. First things first, you need to figure out what to take into consideration when crafting a foolproof parenting plan. It’s a little more formal than a schedule, and something you should spend a lot of time on. So, we’re going to help you. From where to start, what to include, and how you should document it.

Crafting a Foolproof Parenting Plan

Start by making a list

Each parent should make their own, and then one for the kid too. For each parent, it should include days they want with the child, prior engagements, family birthdays, holidays— make the lists separately and then come together for the child’s schedule. It’s important to include everything. Bring your work calendar, your life calendar— bring it all. Make your respective lists, and then hash them out, and put it on paper. You’ll each have to compromise in some regard.

Put it all in writing once a year

You’ll need this to refer to. A schedule is only half of the parenting plan as well. A parenting plan includes things such as: bedtimes, friend time, extracurricular’s, a plan for birthdays and holidays… it goes on and on. Set the date that you’ll tackle this every year. Because, let’s face it, things change over the years— so plan on making amendments once a year. You can keep the same base plan, but it needs to be altered. Mom gets Christmas year one, Dad year two— birthdays are something you come together on, it goes something like this.

Plan for it to be unchanging, but allow for leeway

No one is perfect, and no agreement is perfect. Especially your first plan, so stand by your plan but also be open to the idea of small changes. Although, the key to crafting a foolproof parenting plan, is planning for those changes. Add in a section of ‘ in the event of:’ and include things such as impromptu days off of school, new activities picked up, mom or dad starts dating, and so on. B e as thorough as possible, consider extenuating circumstances— and plan for maybe’s.

Be thorough, sign it, and make three copies

Keep one at your house, one at the other parents, and one in a neutral location. Whether that be grandma’s house, a good friend— just someone you can trust to pass it along in case of emergency or disagreement. While this agreement might not be legally binding, you should both sign it and honor the agreement. This will make it harder to break, and it can be used for record further in the future if need be.

Ultimately, a good parenting plan will make all the difference when it comes down to it. Last minute decisions are typically emotional decisions, and that’s a recipe for disaster when it comes to custody. We wish you luck in drafting, and going forward with your agreement!

Making the Most of Your Custody Time

When you only get to keep your child for a short period of time out of the month— it can be tough to make the most of that time. You’ve been missing those sweet babies, and you probably just want to sit and stare at their sweet little faces. If you do? Go for it. But, they might get a bit bored. Making the most of custody time doesn’t have to be an intricate process where you squeeze out every little drop. It’s about being present, enjoying the moment, and making the time fun and memorable for you both.

Making the Most of Your Custody Time: Having Fun With Your Kids, While Avoiding the ‘Disneyland sentiment’
Anticipate that they’re coming and schedule around it

Life happens, and your work schedule might fall on those days. But, if you know this— make an effort with your former spouse to choose your custody time accordingly. Not everyone has an awesome boss, but if you do— see if you can work around the time you have your kid. Maybe you have to pull a few long days to get that week or weekend off. But, I guarantee you’ll be glad you did when those few days roll around and you have all the time in the world with your little munchkin.

Make a fun plan based around their interests

It doesn’t have to cost money! Maybe they love to play laser tag, so you spend one Saturday turning your house into a Nerf war arena. Or maybe they’re big on plays and Broadway— rent one of the (kid-friendly) classics and teach them a thing or two. No matter what it is, you can show that you’re engaging in their interests and having fun with them too.

Be in the moment AKA: ditch that cell phone

Nowadays, everyone is always nose-deep in their cell phone. But try to ditch it as much as possible when you have your kid(s). If you only get them on odd weekends or weeks, try to b e engaged. Your hilarious Facebook post can wait. Enjoy the time you’ve got. I guarantee you’ll be much more fulfilled by quality time spent than those two hours you let them play video games and you played Candy Crush.

But, Don’t Forget to Honor the Rules

They’ve got a bedtime? Honor it. They aren’t allowed to watch scary movies? Follow through on that. No parent wants that dreaded ‘Disneyland’ status. That begins when you ditch the rules just because you feel bad, or want them to like you more. You’re still their parent, and there are still rules when they’re with you. Honoring the normal routines will remind them that you are still in control, you are still their parent, and while we have fun— it’s not all about the fun.