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Category: custody

Easing the Custody Transition for Children

Easing the custody transition for children is important because divorce can be quite stressful for them. They might be going back and forth between houses now, or might just be living without one parent. Either way, it’s likely a big change from what they’re used to. It can cause a lot of anxiety in children, so it’s important to make it as easy as you can for them. Prepare them in advance by talking with them about what will happen, and keep the lines of communication open. Keep their schedule as consistent as possible. Communicate with your ex about their needs and make sure that you both are on the same page when it comes to the kids. And finally, reassure your children constantly about how much you love them and how this will feel normal soon. Hopefully, you can make this time in their lives a little less stressful.

Easing the Custody Transition for Children: Smoothing a Stressful Situation

Talk with Them

It’s important to lay the groundwork ahead of time when preparing for the custody transition for children. Let them know what their schedule is going to look like moving forward. In addition, give them a chance to ask questions and raise concerns. If they are older children, or you feel that they might open up more to another person, consider getting them an appointment with a counselor or therapist. Keep the dialog going after you’ve started the transition. Check-in with them to see how they are handling things frequently.

Consistency is Key

Children thrive on consistency and schedules. Especially young children. When easing the custody transition for children, make sure to keep their schedules as similar as possible to what they’re used to. For example, make sure you and your ex are keeping bedtimes, nap times, and mealtime consistent between your houses. Try to keep them in the extra-curricular activities that they’re used to.

Communicate with Your Ex

Another important thing to remember when easing the custody transition for children is to communicate with your ex. It’s important to make sure that you are both on the same page when it comes to things like schedules and discipline. Try to remember that you need to make your children a priority. You and your ex might have some bitter feelings towards one another, but trash-talking can be harmful to children. Try to keep things civil for the sake of your co-parenting relationship.

Reassure Them

Finally, one of the most important things to do when easing the custody transition for children is reassuring them frequently. Children often feel blamed when their parents are going through a divorce. It’s important to remind them over and over that the divorce doesn’t have anything to do with them and that you both love them. Try to also reinforce the idea that this is a time of transition and pretty soon their new schedules will seem normal to them.

Easing the custody transition for children is easy if you just remember that children like consistency and like to know what to expect. Don’t try to surprise them with a new schedule. It’s a much better plan to tell them in advance and give them plenty of opportunities to voice their concerns or questions. Check-in with them frequently throughout the process. Be consistent with their schedules and make sure you and your ex can put things aside to communicate effectively about coordinating schedules. And finally, reassure your children frequently and repeatedly that you love them and that the divorce is not their fault. Let them know that pretty soon, everything will feel very normal to them. Hopefully, you can make this time in their lives a little less stressful.

My Child Doesn’t Want Visitation with the Other Parent

If your child doesn’t want visitation with their other parent, it can cause a lot of stress and pain for you and your ex. If the child is young, you can often encourage them to go and change their minds. However, an older teen is a much harder sell. Try to get to the bottom of why they don’t want to go see their other parent. Be encouraging and positive about your ex, even if it’s painful to do so. Follow the rules and don’t withhold visitation without reason or you’ll wind up in legal trouble. And finally, if there are safety concerns, know when to take action. Hopefully, your child is just going through a phase and will get used to their new custody arrangement quickly.

My Child Doesn’t Want Visitation with the Other Parent: What Can I Do?

Try to Find the Reason Why

If your child doesn’t want visitation with their other parent, there could be many reasons. For younger children, it might just be fear of a new environment if your ex moved into a new home. Or if there is a new step-parent or siblings that they will be around, it can be overwhelming. Some children simply get along better with one parent over the other. Or resent being further from their friends or extra-curricular activities.

Encourage Them

If you suspect that your child doesn’t want visitation with their other parent because of some of the above reasons, try to be encouraging to them. Explain how much their other parent loves spending time with them, and try to ease their concerns. Always speak positively about your ex, even if it’s difficult to do so. Trash-talking is never a good idea and can lead to anxiety and confusion in children.

Follow the Rules

Don’t take it upon yourself to change your custody arrangement if your child doesn’t want visitation with their other parent. If you have a custody agreement, you’ll need to follow the agreed-upon terms. Otherwise, you could wind up in legal trouble. Even if your ex is late on child support, you still have to allow them their visitation rights as scheduled. Speak with your attorney about how to take steps to collect any child support, but don’t retaliate by withholding custody.

When to Take Action

Finally, if you have reason to believe that your child doesn’t want visitation with their other parent because of real safety concerns, know when to get involved. If you suspect abuse or neglect, you need to take steps to protect your child. Speak to your attorney about taking out a restraining order on behalf of your child, and discuss what steps you can take to change your custody agreement.

If your child doesn’t want visitation with their other parent, it’s usually because they are feeling anxious about change. They might feel more comfortable at your house, or it might be that their other parent has stricter rules. Try to encourage them to maintain a relationship with their other parent, and speak positively about your ex in front of them. In addition, try to make transitions as stress-free for children as possible. Follow the rules of your custody agreement, and don’t take it upon yourself to withhold visitation. Even if your ex is late on child support. However, if you suspect that visitation is putting your child in danger, speak to your attorney about how to protect them. You might need to take legal action against your ex, but keeping your child safe is the most important thing. Hopefully, there is no cause for concern, and you’ll be able to encourage your child to enjoy visitation with their other parent.

Finding Time for Self-care with Sole Custody

Finding time for self-care with sole custody can feel like an uphill battle, especially with younger children that rely on you for everything. With work, school, after-school obligations, and up-keeping a household, it can feel nearly impossible to find time for yourself. But your mental health is important, and you cannot be the parent you want to be if your tank is empty. So it’s important to try to squeeze in some ”me-time” even if time is short. Remember that it’s okay to say no to some things. You might also consider a swap with another parent for an afternoon or evening. Don’t be afraid to ask for support. And finally, when you find a slot in your schedule for self-care, hold it sacred and put it on your calendar. Hopefully, you can find some time to take care of your mental health.

Finding Time for Self-care with Sole Custody: Maintaining Your Mental Health

It’s Okay to Say No

Finding time for self-care with sole custody is easier if you remember that you can say no to some things. You don’t have to accept every invitation. Sports and activities are fun for young children, but they aren’t necessary. So don’t feel pressured to fill up every evening with activities. It’s also okay to not contribute to bake sales, PTA activities, being a room parent, or other obligations.

Consider a Swap

Another way to find time for self-care with sole custody is to consider swapping childcare with another parent. Perhaps you’re itching for a weekend away but you just don’t have a support system around. See if you can offer to take their children for a day or two in exchange for a getaway for yourself. You can also look into carpools, nanny shares, and other ways of combining with other parents to make childcare more affordable.

Ask for Support

Asking for support is another way to find time for self-care with sole custody. It’s okay to rely on the people around you and ask for their help from time to time. Don’t be afraid to reach out and request a little time for yourself. If you have the financial means, hire a babysitter a few times a month so that you can get an afternoon or evening away and do something for yourself that isn’t child-related or work-related.

Put It On Your Calendar

Finally, if you can find time for self-care with sole custody, hold that time sacred. If there’s a gap in your schedule, write in ”me time.” And take it! Don’t offer up that time slot if other things come up later. Hold that time sacred and give yourself the gift of honoring that promise to your mental health.

Finding time for self-care with sole custody is important for maintaining your overall happiness. You love your children, but sometimes you need some time away to be around other adults. It’s okay to need some space from time to time. If you have an extremely busy schedule, don’t be afraid to say no to requests for you to add more things to your plate. Ask a friend with similar-aged children if they’d like to swap some childcare now and then. Ask for help from friends or family, or hire a babysitter. And finally, put the time on your schedule. Even though your life is busy, try to find that space in your schedule so that you can maintain your mental health to be the best parent you can be.

Divvying Up Holidays with Shared Custody

Divvying up holidays with shared custody can be a source of a lot of frustration for many couples. However, as long as you begin planning things ahead of time, you can find a way to split things up so that it feels fair to everyone. Some couples choose to split the actual day of holidays while others choose to alternate different years with their children. And yet others decide to simply double up and celebrate with their kids whenever it’s convenient. The important thing is finding a solution that works for your family. Hopefully, you can all work together to make this holiday season the most memorable one yet.

Divvying Up Holidays with Shared Custody: Splitting Things Fairly

The Importance of Planning In Advance

Planning is the best way to begin divvying up holidays with shared custody. Don’t try to tackle this difficult negotiation when you’re already in the middle of a fight, or right before the holiday season. Instead, begin discussing things when you both are in a calm place. If certain holidays are important to your ex that you don’t care about and vice versa, make plans accordingly.

Sharing the Actual Day

When divvying up holidays with shared custody, some find it easiest to simply switch back and forth on the actual day of the holiday. For example, children might have a late Thanksgiving brunch at one house and then go to their other parents for Thanksgiving dinner. This is a solution that works well if you live close to each other.

Alternating Years

Other couples choose to alternate years when divvying up holidays with shared custody. This means that if you both want to spend Christmas with your children, that one year one parent gets to, and the next year you switch. If several holidays are important to both of you, you can split them evenly and then reverse them the next year.

Celebrating On Your Own Time

Finally, if you don’t want to worry about divvying up holidays with shared custody, you can always just celebrate on your own time. Children often don’t care about the calendar date that a holiday falls on. They’re more interested in traditions. So just move your holidays around so that they fit your schedule. For example, if you get your kids back on February 15 you can always still celebrate Valentine’s Day then.

Divvying up holidays with shared custody can create some frustration, but it doesn’t have to. Try to remember that holiday traditions are just as important to your ex as they are to you. You each want to spend special time with your children, so try to keep that in mind when discussing your plans. Figuring things out well in advance can save a lot of headaches and heartaches later on. Consider swapping custody on the day of the holiday so that kids get to spend part of the actual day with both of you. Or alternate years where you switch which parent gets the kids for bigger holidays. Or you might simply double up and let your children celebrate with both of you on your terms. The actual date of a holiday isn’t important, it’s the memories that your children will cherish.

Creative Custody Arrangements

There are plenty of creative custody arrangements to explore if you and your ex-partner are having difficulty agreeing on a schedule. While many parents alternate weeks or use mid-week transfers, that doesn’t work for every family. It’s important to find the solution that works for your entire family so that you and your ex can co-parent successfully. Nesting and double-nesting are arrangements that are somewhat unusual but can work in some instances. You can also try different time blocks. Finally, some families decide to schedule around activities or even try to change up their work schedules to make custody changes easier. Finding your groove as co-parents will be easier if you have a custody arrangement that makes everybody happy.

Creative Custody Arrangements: Finding What Works for Your Family

Nesting

Nesting is one of the newer creative custody arrangements that is becoming more and more popular. When couples nest, they keep the children in the family home. The parents then rotate living in the family home with the kids and living on their own. This way, the children’s lives are less disrupted. However, it requires a lot of cooperation between co-parents.

Double-Nesting

Another creative custody arrangement that some couples choose is double-nesting. This is similar to nesting in that the children stay in the same home. However, in this situation, both parents remain in the home and live as roommates. Many have certain areas of the home that are theirs and then share a common space with the kids.

Two-Week or Creative Time Blocks

Creative custody arrangements can also involve switching up the time blocks. There’s no rule that you have to follow 24-hour schedules. Depending on your job, it might make more sense for one parent to take care of the children in the morning and switch with the other each afternoon. You can also stretch out the alternating weeks to alternating every two weeks or whatever works best.

Scheduling Around Activities or Work

Finally, another creative custody arrangement involves planning custody specifically around children’s activities. This is often helpful for families with older children that are spending more and more time in activities or sports. It might be easiest for one parent to have the children more during their sports season, and then swap after the season ends. Some parents also choose to arrange custody based on their work schedules or childcare needs.

Finding which creative custody arrangements work for your family can take a little trial and error. Just don’t feel like you have to follow traditional custody solutions if they don’t work with your family or schedule. Explore other options to find what works best for everybody. You can try nesting or double-nesting if you and your ex are on excellent terms. Or you can get creative with the time blocks of custody. And finally, some families choose to arrange custody based on their work schedules or kids’ activities. It’s important to find the fit that is right for your family so that this difficult time of transition is as easy as possible for everybody.

Co-Parenting Goals: Find Success

It can be a bit difficult to start co-parenting. To help you and your ex going in the right direction, it can be a good idea to set some co-parenting goals. These goals can help ensure your efforts result in success…

Co-Parenting Goals

Help the kids feel secure

Divorce usually causes your kids to feel a lot of uncertainty about the future. While you yourself might have a lot of questions about what’s next, your kids also will feel the same. Mainly, they might be worried about where they’ll live, or if the divorce itself was somehow their fault.

Therefore, it helps to set making the kids feel secure as one of your co-parenting goals. Having a good, consistent schedule can help them adjust to this new “normal” and feel more relaxed. Spending plenty of time with them also helps reinforce to them that you or your ex aren’t going anywhere.

Create a budget

Divorce also brings changes to one’s budget. As a co-parent, you’ll not only need to plan a budget for yourself, but also one for your kids with your co-parent. Usually, this budget involves things like major expenses, such as tuition or medical bills. That’s why this shared budget is another of the co-parenting goals to work towards.

One useful way to do this is by first meeting with your ex and going over your individual budgets. Then, you can look at what major kid-related costs you might have. By doing so, you can work on adjusting your budgets to meet your kids’ needs.

Better communication

Not all ex-couples will want to talk all the time after divorcing. Still, co-parenting will require some kind of communication between the two of you. After all, you’ll have to coordinate things like dropping or picking up the kids. Due to this, improving communication is one of the most common co-parenting goals.

A good way to do this is by keeping your conversations positive. Focus on the good things, like if the kids got good grades on a test, over negative topics. It’s also good to help keep them in the loop about any changes to your schedule which could impact your usual co-parenting plans.

Parental Conflict: Spare The Kids

Emotions usually tend to run a bit high during a divorce. However, if you have kids, you won’t want to fight with their other parent in front of them. Rather, it’s important to spare them from as much parental conflict as possible. There’s a few ways you can shield them from those heated disagreements…

Parental Conflict: Protect Your Children

Don’t fight in front of them

For starters, it’s important you keep any parental conflict away from the kids. You don’t want to have a major argument with them there. Doing so will not only scare them, but it’ll leave a lasting impression. This will make it harder for them to adjust to the divorce and process it in a healthy way.

If you come to a disagreement, you should do your best to avoid escalating things into an argument. Keep your calm and don’t engage in any name calling or yelling. Still, if you’re worried about things potentially getting heated, you should ensure your conversations take place in private somewhere away from the kids.

Don’t vent to the kids

Even if you don’t argue in front of the kids, you can accidentally get them involved in parental conflict. In particular, this could happen if you vent to them about the divorce and their other parent. Some parents might think it’s okay to do so, especially if their kids are older and say they want to help.

The reality is venting to them will put them in an awkward position. Suddenly, they’ll feel like they need to take sides, which could cause their relationship with their other parent to suffer. Instead, you should only talk about the divorce and any issue you have with your support network.

Follow the co-parenting plan

You should also make sure that any parental conflict doesn’t get in the way of your co-parenting plan. After a fight with your soon-to-be-ex, you might want to “get back” at them. One way you may do this is either by not dropping off the kids when you’re supposed too, or otherwise not following the original plan.

What this does is basically put your kids in the middle of the divorce. Now, they’re going to feel like they did something wrong, and that’s why things have gone the way they have. Doing this will also negatively impact any co-parenting plans going forward, and could even hurt your divorce goals.

Different Types of Custody Arrangements

There are several types of custody arrangements possible when parents divorce. We often think of custody as either 50/50 or one parent getting full custody. However, there are actually more options than just those two. Joint custody means that both parents have equal rights to make decisions for their children. Kids usually split their time between their parents’ houses. Sole custody means that one parent is the main caregiver. Non-parental custody is uncommon but happens if the court believes a third party is more able to care for the children than the parents. And finally, the least common is split custody. In this, siblings are split up between their parents. There are many options for custody and each case depends on the parents and children involved.

Different Types of Custody Arrangements: Common and Uncommon

Joint Custody

Joint custody is one of the most common custody arrangements. It can look different for different families. However, it means that both parents equally are responsible for their kids. Often this means that children split their time between parents and switch back and forth between their houses. The parents must make any legal decisions about the children together.

Full/Sole Custody

Full or sole custody is another custody arrangement that is somewhat common. With sole custody, one of the parents is legally responsible for making decisions for the kids. In addition, the children live with them full time. Often the other parent has visitation rights. This is more likely to happen if one parent is unfit or not capable of child-rearing.

Non-Parental Custody

One of the custody arrangements that are less common is non-parental custody or third-party custody. This happens when both parents are unfit or not able to legally care for their children. It often means that kids live with their grandparents, step-parents, or other family members.

Split Custody

Finally, split custody is a rare custody arrangement to be awarded. Many people mistakenly use the term when they actually mean shared or joint custody. But it actually means something very different. In split custody, siblings each live with a separate parent. The court doesn’t usually decide on split custody, because most people believe that siblings should stay together. However, in rare cases, this type of custody might happen. It is more common if the children go to different schools, and have a large age gap, special needs, or disciplinary issues.

While there are many different types of custody arrangements, the most common one in our country is joint custody. Most courts feel that it’s important for children to have both of their parents in their lives making decisions for them together. However, in some situations, one parent might have sole custody. It’s less common, but sometimes children go to live with non-parental guardians in a third-party arrangement. And finally, the least common is split custody, where siblings are split up between parents. Divorce is difficult for everybody, including kids. It’s important that the arrangement be whatever is best for the well-being of the children. If you are going through a divorce, hopefully, you will find the arrangements that work the best for you and your family.

An Overview of the Foster Program

The foster program works differently in different states, however, many follow similar paths. There are many reasons why biological parents become unable to take care of children, both temporarily or permanently. When this happens, foster parents step in and care for the children until the parents can. In some situations, foster parents can adopt the children if the biological parents are permanently unable to provide a home. The fostering process typically starts with prospective parents choosing an agency. Then they will complete training and education courses. They will need to do a background check and also a home study to make sure they have a safe environment for any children. And if they are adopting, they will need to take further steps. There is more of a need than ever and fostering is a great way to change your life and the life of a child.

An Overview of the Foster Program: Fostering at a Glance

Choosing an Agency

The first step in the foster program is to choose an agency that you would like to work with. There are county and state-run programs as well as private agencies that can assist you. Find out as much as you can about the agency, and ask questions upfront about the process. If you can, speak with other parents who have also used them to find out their experience.

Education

The next step in the journey in the foster program is to educate yourself. There are many training programs and certifications to become a foster parent. You’ll likely need to attend classes, watch videos, and participate in practice exercises. Foster parents can run into a lot of hard-to-navigate situations because of the past experiences of foster children.

Home Study

Another important step when trying to enter the foster program is the home study. This is when a representative of the agency comes to your house to make sure that you can provide a safe environment for a child. They aren’t looking for reasons to ding you out of the program. Rather, they just want to make sure you’re a good fit and know what to expect. You will also need to pass a background check.

Fostering to Adopt

Finally, the foster program is about placing children with families while they wait to be reconnected to their biological parents. However, in some cases, these parents are never able to provide a home. In that situation, foster parents sometimes become adoptive parents and legally adopt their foster children. If this is something you are interested in, you’ll need to hire a family attorney who can guide you through the adoption process.

The foster program in America desperately needs more families. Fostering is an amazing way to help out children who are in need and to change both of your lives. There are many steps to becoming a foster parent, but you will likely need to start by choosing an agency. They will guide you through the certifications and training classes that you need to take. Next, you’ll need to pass a home study and also background checks. And finally, if you do choose to foster, you could have the opportunity to legally adopt as well. Consider if this is something you are interested in before you start the program. However, keep in mind that this is not necessarily the goal of fostering. However long your experience is with the foster program it will surely enrich your life forever.

Vacations with Split Custody

Vacations with split custody can be an awkward situation to manage. You and your ex both share custody of the children, and you each probably want to take them on vacations. However, it’s easy to feel more nervous when your children are traveling without you. Therefore, it’s best to work together with your ex so that you can each make vacationing smoother. Give plenty of warning about your travel plans: don’t just bring them up last minute. Discuss the details of your trip with your ex so that they feel more comfortable. Keep in touch while you are traveling to ease nerves. And finally, remember to set aside your bitterness with one another to prioritize your children. Hopefully, by doing these things, you and your ex will each be able to enjoy fulfilling vacations with your children and make amazing memories.

Vacations with Split Custody: How to Make Things Smoother

Give Plenty of Warning

Vacations with split custody are easier to handle when you have plenty of time to prepare for them mentally. Therefore, you and your ex should discuss any future travel plans well in advance. Even if your vacation doesn’t impact their schedule, you should still keep them informed. After all, you’d want to know if they were taking your kids out of town.

Discuss Details with Your Ex

When going on vacations with split custody, it’s helpful to discuss the details with your ex. Parents often worry when they feel out of control of their children. Therefore, giving them a detailed schedule of your plans while traveling can help put minds at ease. In addition, if you’re taking the kids to do something like a beach vacation, make sure you both discuss water safety and expectations beforehand.

Keep in Touch While Traveling

Keep in touch while traveling to make vacations with split custody more smooth. Let your children call and check in with their parents as much as they want during the time they’re away. This will put everybody’s minds at ease. If you have questions concerning how to handle things like pool safety or curfews, make sure that you double-check and get on the same page together.

Put the Kids First

Finally, prioritizing your kids first is the most important thing for making vacations with split custody more enjoyable. They are the ones who you should be focusing on. You and your ex might have a lot of built-up resentment towards one another. There could be a lot of pain and bitterness. However, denying your children opportunities for vacations won’t change your past. Try to set aside your feelings and do what is best for your kids, even if it means swallowing your pride.

Vacations with split custody can often become an unexpected battlefield in the post-divorce world. You might not realize how anxiety-inducing it can be to know your children are traveling without you there. However, you will quickly get used to the idea and be more comfortable with it. It can help to discuss it with your ex in a productive way. Give them plenty of notice about vacations so that you can both prepare. Discuss the details and itinerary of your vacation together and make sure you’re on the same page with safety precautions. Check-in with your ex or your children while they travel to put your mind at ease. And finally, try to remember that your kids and their fun is the priority over any feelings of bitterness. Hopefully, by focusing on them instead of your divorce, you’ll be able to enjoy your vacation to the fullest extent.