Category: divorce advice

Friendly Divorce: Keep The Peace

Many people assume that divorce is filled with arguments and quick tempers. However, it is possible to pull off a friendly divorce. By doing so, it becomes a lot easier for you and your ex to remain on good terms, and further your post-divorce cooperation…

Friendly Divorce: Keep The Peace

Try to avoid rough starts

There’s a lot of different reasons as to why couples divorce. Many of these reasons tend to be pretty negative and tend to be upsetting. Due to this, it could have your divorce start out pretty rough. Therefore, if you want a friendly divorce, it’s best to avoid this from happening.

It’s understandable that your emotions will be raw, and you may feel pretty upset at your partner. However, taking those feelings out on your partner won’t make things better. Rather, it’ll just make the whole process much harder. Instead, use other means besides your divorce process to get those stronger feelings processed.

Focus on the kids

Another way to ensure a friendly divorce is by thinking about your kids. While you and your soon-to-be-ex may have your differences, you can both agree on wanting what’s best for the kids. Because of this, it helps to use this shared goal as a basis for keeping your divorce low conflict.

Plus, this is a good way for you both to work on your teamwork. For instance, you’ll want to talk about the divorce to your kids together and reassure them that things will be okay. You’ll also have to discuss potential co-parenting plans. By working with the kids in mind, it’ll help you keep the divorce peaceful.

Commit to working together

It can be hard to sort out disagreements with your spouse at first. This can be especially true if you feel like the divorce is their fault. However, remember that a friendly divorce doesn’t mean you and your ex will see eye-to-eye on everything.

Rather, it means you’re willing to work with each other on a compromise. By being willing to meet in the middle on some things, you avoid those potentially nasty arguments. This keeps things between you peaceful, and plus it also encourages more collaboration down the line.

Divorce-Related Anger

The emotions that can come with divorce aren’t always pretty. One of the more nastier ones is divorce-related anger. This anger can have a negative impact on both you and your divorce process. Therefore, it’s helpful to know how you can get this anger under control…

Divorce-Related Anger

Directing the anger

People will direct their divorce-related anger in two ways: either at one’s ex, or at themselves. For the former, this usually occurs when the person blames their ex for the divorce. In their eyes, their ex is the one who seemingly gave up on them and their marriage. Even if they propose the divorce, they’ll blame their ex for leaving them no choice.

The later choice tends to occur when someone places all the divorce blame on themselves. They feel like they should’ve done more, or didn’t do something right, and now divorce is inevitable. Despite whatever their ex tells them, they will be angry at themselves for seemingly ruining everything.

Anger Impact

This divorce-related anger can have a serious impact on one’s divorce. For instance, if you’re angry at your ex, you might be less willing to work with them. In fact, some people even try to get “revenge” through the divorce process. The most extreme cases see this happening even after the divorce is over with.

Or, you might be constantly hard on yourself. As you place all the blame on your shoulders, your mental well-being will suffer. Plus, you may not even contest whatever your ex wants from the divorce, because you feel like you “deserve” to be punished for failing.

Handling this anger

Divorce-related anger is quite common, and so there’s many ways you can work on getting a handle on it. For instance, you might want to look for healthy outlets for your anger. This could be exercise, writing, meditation, or whatever works for you.

You can also try and meet with a therapist. A therapist can help you figure out what the root cause of your anger is. That way, you can work together to improve your mental health, and better improve yourself for your post-divorce life.

Parental Conflict: Spare The Kids

Emotions usually tend to run a bit high during a divorce. However, if you have kids, you won’t want to fight with their other parent in front of them. Rather, it’s important to spare them from as much parental conflict as possible. There’s a few ways you can shield them from those heated disagreements…

Parental Conflict: Protect Your Children

Don’t fight in front of them

For starters, it’s important you keep any parental conflict away from the kids. You don’t want to have a major argument with them there. Doing so will not only scare them, but it’ll leave a lasting impression. This will make it harder for them to adjust to the divorce and process it in a healthy way.

If you come to a disagreement, you should do your best to avoid escalating things into an argument. Keep your calm and don’t engage in any name calling or yelling. Still, if you’re worried about things potentially getting heated, you should ensure your conversations take place in private somewhere away from the kids.

Don’t vent to the kids

Even if you don’t argue in front of the kids, you can accidentally get them involved in parental conflict. In particular, this could happen if you vent to them about the divorce and their other parent. Some parents might think it’s okay to do so, especially if their kids are older and say they want to help.

The reality is venting to them will put them in an awkward position. Suddenly, they’ll feel like they need to take sides, which could cause their relationship with their other parent to suffer. Instead, you should only talk about the divorce and any issue you have with your support network.

Follow the co-parenting plan

You should also make sure that any parental conflict doesn’t get in the way of your co-parenting plan. After a fight with your soon-to-be-ex, you might want to “get back” at them. One way you may do this is either by not dropping off the kids when you’re supposed too, or otherwise not following the original plan.

What this does is basically put your kids in the middle of the divorce. Now, they’re going to feel like they did something wrong, and that’s why things have gone the way they have. Doing this will also negatively impact any co-parenting plans going forward, and could even hurt your divorce goals.

Letting People Know You are Getting a Divorce

Letting people know you are getting a divorce can be a stressor you weren’t even expecting. The divorce process is incredibly stressful. But telling people about it can also be a painful experience for many. Go about it in the best way possible to protect yourself and also make your divorce easier. When you first begin talking about divorce, you’ll likely need to talk things over with somebody. But keep it to just close friends and family. Let your boss know that you might be missing some work. After things are final, it’s okay to start letting everybody else know. However, when you go about this, make sure that you are keeping things friendly and civil. Being respectful to your ex will serve you better in the end and will likely help you have a less stressful experience.

Letting People Know You are Getting a Divorce: How to Even Start

Keep It to Close Friends or Family First

When you first begin letting people know you are getting a divorce, keep it close. Divorce should be a private matter until it is final and done. However, your close family deserves to know because your ex is a part of their family now too. Let your parents or siblings know about the divorce. If you need a confidant to talk to, choose a friend who will keep your private life private. You don’t want them spilling your beans to everybody you know!

Let Your Boss Know

When letting people know you are getting a divorce, it’s also a good idea to let your work know. There’s a good chance that you’ll need to miss some work for divorce proceedings. The court is only open during regular office hours, so if you go to court, you’ll likely miss some work. You might want to keep your HR representative informed as well.

After Things are Final

Letting people know you are getting a divorce starts when your divorce is final. That’s when it’s okay to start spreading the news. Some couples choose to announce on social media, while others just use word of mouth. You can also send out a mailing letting people know the news. Likely, once you begin telling people, the word will spread through your friends and family.

Keep Things Friendly

Finally, when letting people know you are getting a divorce, it’s important to go about it the best way possible. This means not trash-talking your ex. Sure, you might have a friend that you need to vent to now and then. But airing out your dirty laundry on social media or too many people is not a good idea. It makes you look petty and can make people very uncomfortable. In addition, if you are co-parenting with your ex it can be very damaging to your children. Keep the details to yourself, and keep things civil.

Letting people know you are getting a divorce is a whole part of the process that you might not have even realized can be stressful. However, it’s important to make sure you do it in a way that doesn’t hurt your divorce settlement or affect your future co-parenting relationship with your ex. When you begin the process, let only a few people know. Likely this will just be your close family and maybe a friend or two. Let your work know as well. Once your divorce is final, it’s okay to begin spreading the news at large. However, make sure that you keep things civil and avoid trash-talking your ex. The whole world doesn’t need to know your private life. Hopefully, you and your ex will be able to keep things somewhat friendly and keep the divorce process as stress-free as possible.

Financial Steps to Take Before Filing for Divorce

There are several financial steps to take before filing for a divorce that can help you in the long run. Being organized before you’ve even announced to your partner that you want to separate can help you protect yourself and your assets. The first thing you’ll want to do is hire an experienced divorce attorney to represent your best interests. You’ll also want to organize your finances. Establish credit in your name if you haven’t already. And finally, close joint accounts or remove half the savings to protect yourself financially. Divorce can be incredibly stressful but a little prep work before you begin will be very helpful later.

Financial Steps to Take Before Filing for Divorce: Protect Yourself and Assets

Hire an Attorney

The first step to take before filing for divorce is to hire an experienced divorce attorney. They’ll be able to guide you and give you a breakdown of exactly what things you should be doing. They’ll be representing your best interests and will be a helpful asset to have on your side. Make sure that you find an attorney you are comfortable with and be honest with them.

Organize Your Finances

The next step you’ll want to take before filing for divorce is to organize your finances. Figure out what your and your spouse’s overall assets and debts are. You will hopefully split all of these things equally during the settlement. But your attorney needs to have a clear picture of what your financial situation looks like so they can fight for you. You’ll also want to organize documents relating to proof of income, student loan debts, and tax returns.

Establish Credit

If you don’t already have credit in your name, you’ll need to establish credit before filing for divorce. Some couples only have joint accounts. If this is the case, before you even announce your divorce to your partner, you’ll want to quietly begin building credit in your name. This is so that you’ll be able to buy a car or rent your own space once the divorce is over. One way to do this is to take out a credit card in your name only and begin using it and paying it off.

Close Joint Accounts

Finally, one final step to take before filing for divorce is to protect your assets in shared accounts. You need to protect yourself financially If you are worried that your spouse will raid your joint accounts and empty them. You can remove half of the money and move it to an account only in your name. In addition, it’s a good idea to close joint credit accounts so that your ex cannot run up charges that you’ll later have to negotiate in court. It’s less complicated if you can simply pay off any joint credit cards and then keep your finances separate moving forward until the divorce is over.

Divorce is stressful and complicated. It can also be extremely expensive. You want to start on the right foot by financially preparing yourself before filing for divorce. Hire a good divorce attorney so that they can guide you through the divorce proceedings. In addition, evaluate your overall financial health and organize the paperwork you might need. If you haven’t already, establish healthy credit in your name. And finally, protect money in your joint accounts and close credit accounts that are held in both your names. Hopefully, you’ll be able to protect yourself financially and get what you want out of your divorce settlement.

Practical Divorce Issues: Subtle Changes

It’s always good to do some proper prep work when you know you want to get a divorce. Still, you have to also keep in mind some practical divorce issues. These issues may not be related to the divorce process directly, but could come up as a result of it…

Practical Divorce Issues: What To Plan For

Team jobs

Team jobs can be the site of a lot of practical divorce issues. Usually, when a married person needs help, they’ll reach out to their spouse first. Many times, it’s for simple things that just require an extra set of hands, like moving some furniture.

However, you’ll now be down that other person. You might not think that’s an issue, but for example maybe you plan to move. What do you do if the movers accidentally placed heavy boxes or furniture in the wrong rooms? When you realize you can’t move these things alone, it’s time to reach out to friends and family for assistance.

Yard work

Other practical divorce issues can come up regarding yard work. Most couple tend to have one person take care of the yard work. Others may split up the duties, to help speed things up and evenly share the workload. With a divorce, you may end up finding yourself having to take care of the lawn yourself.

Of course, not taking care of the lawn makes it pretty unappealing and could even result in fines. Therefore, determine if you want to try and take care of everything on your own. If that doesn’t sound appealing, hiring lawn care professionals is also good if you have the money for them.

Administrative matters

 Some practical divorce issues can be cause by administrative matters. Each household will have someone who mainly handles these sorts of tasks. This tends to include things like paying bills, preparing taxes, and balancing the household budgets. They may also take care of things like school activities if you have kids.

With a divorce, you’ll now suddenly find yourself in charge of a lot of these responsibilities. It can be pretty overwhelming to have all of this thrown into your lap at once. As a result, it’s a good idea to reach out to your ex and ask them for some advice. If you left things on good terms, then they should be willing to give you a hand.

Divorce Coaching: Potential Benefits

Having to go through a divorce alone can be pretty daunting. Therefore, it could be worthwhile to get some divorce coaching. Meeting with a coach could help you handle the new difficulties and challenges which come with divorce…

Divorce Coaching: Ways It Can Help

Develop a plan

Many people tend to feel lost when going through their divorce. It can be difficult to know what you should be doing and what you should avoid. This can very quickly become overwhelming and make things much more difficult for you. That’s why divorce coaching can be handy.

A coach can help you come up with a general plan of action. Not just that, but they’ll also work with you to make a post-divorce plan as well. That way, not only will you have some good guidance now, but you’ll also have an idea of where to start when the divorce is over too.

Talking with your ex

Another time divorce coaching is helpful is when you struggle with talking to your ex. It can be awkward to talk now that you’re divorcing one another. However, it’s important to do so effectively, especially if you’re going to be co-parents after everything is over.

Meeting with a coach can teach you helpful ways to find some common ground with your ex. This will help make it easier for the both of you to talk with each other. Still, it could be the case that there’s a lot of tension remaining between you and your ex. A coach can also help you figure out ways to de-escalate things and keep the peace.

Keep your cool

A person’s emotions tend to run pretty high when they’re divorcing. All the stress can get the better of you and really make you feel frustrated, angry, anxious, or depressed. Divorce coaching can teach you healthy ways to manage these emotions so you can keep your cool.

It’s important to keep your emotions in check for several reasons. Aside from the health benefits, it’ll help you make sure your emotions don’t interfere with your decision making. It can also help you talk to your ex without getting worked up.

Divorce Length: Contributing Factors

One of the most-common questions about divorce is about how long it’ll take. The thing is, divorce length can be impacted by a number of factors. However, these particular factors tend to be why your divorce may be longer or shorter than you anticipated…

Divorce Length: Key Aspects

State factors

Certain aspects relating to the state you live in can impact your divorce length. Every state has different laws about divorce. Some may require you to be separated for a period of time before you can divorce. Others may need you to be a resident for a certain amount of time. Ultimately, it all depends on what kind of laws a state does or doesn’t have.

There also things like how busy the courts are with previous divorces. Recently, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, many states have closed or limited access to their courthouses. Many couple who might have planned to divorce, or were in the process of doing so, are experiencing delays because of this.

Conflict

Levels of conflict will also have an effect on your divorce length. For instance, if you and your ex constantly argue with one another, then that’s going to draw out the divorce process. Not only that, but it’ll also potentially drive up your costs as you spend more time fighting and less time moving things forwards.

Yet, if you can work together with your ex, your divorce can not take as long. Plus, coming to agreements together will leave you with results that you’re both happy with. Approaching those more-sensitive areas like co-parenting plans and asset-splitting in a neutral manner can cut down on any potential conflict.

Emotions

Your emotions can impact both the divorce length itself, and how long it takes you to move on. Feeling really upset about the divorce can drain your motivation and make it hard to take care of divorce matters. At the same time, being angry at your ex can lead to more conflict, which will certainly increase how long the divorce takes.

Even when the divorce is over, you may have trouble shaking those feelings and starting your new life. Therefore, it can be good to look for ways to help you process these feelings. Meeting with a therapist or using other healthy outlets can help you process these feelings and not let them stall your divorce.

Coronavirus Concerns: Divorce Impacts

The recent outbreak of coronavirus (COVID-19) has certainly affected many different areas, divorce included. There’s a few specific coronavirus concerns you might have about divorce. It’s important to know how the process may be impacted, and what to be mindful of if you want to divorce…

Coronavirus Concerns

Health concerns

Perhaps the most pressing coronavirus concerns are those related to health. Divorce is a very stressful event, and too much stress can weaken the immune system. At a time where staying healthy is key, you may not want to put yourself in a spot where you’re not at 100%.

Furthermore, consider how much you’ll have to deal with during the divorce. On top of potential conflict, you might have to move to a new home, schedule meetings with your ex, and a whole host of other things. This might give you a lot less time to take care of yourself during a time where you really need to. Be sure to keep that in mind if you want to divorce.

Financial issues

There’s also the coronavirus concerns about finances. Divorce not only places stress on you emotionally, but it also can strain your finances. First, there’s the cost of the divorce itself. Then, there’s the fact that you’ll probably be going from a double income house to a single income one. Sometimes, you may even need to look for a new job.

However, the coronavirus is already impacting the economy. Many people are working less, with some businesses not being open at all. Others are finding themselves losing their jobs due to the outbreak. Therefore, make sure you can juggle your divorce expenses along with these economic constraints.

The process itself

Coronavirus concerns have even made their way into impacting the divorce process itself. Recently, many states have been ordering employees to work from home, or are limiting operating hours. Among those included in these restrictions are the courts.

Due to this, cases which involve oral arguments are being delayed for around 2-4 months. Now, most divorcing people don’t need to go through those steps. However, if you think your divorce might, be aware that there will probably be a delay in when things get get moving.

Co-Parenting Discipline: Find A Balance

Parenting isn’t always easy, especially you’re adjusting to being a co-parent. While you might not be married, you and your ex still share the goal of raising your kids well. One key part of that is co-parenting discipline. Good but fair discipline can help your kids with the adjustment process…

Co-Parenting Discipline

Establish some ground rules

One key aspect of co-parenting discipline is you and your ex setting up some basic ground rules. Now, it makes sense that you both might have different ideas when it comes to parenting. However, you shouldn’t focus too much on where you differ.

Rather, you’ll want to see where you both share common ideas. For example, maybe you both can agree on a basic bedtime or limits on screen time. You might also be able to agree on basic ways to handle when the kids misbehave. Doing so helps create a set of consistent rules shared between both houses.

Communicate with each other

Communication is important for co-parenting in general. However, it’s especially important for co-parenting discipline. Things become much easier for both you and your ex when you can get on the same page. Not to mention that your kids will also benefit too.

It’s useful to have a phone call or talk with your ex each week to check on how the kids are doing. This is also a good time to bring up any behavioral issues you’ve noticed. You won’t want to blame these issues on your ex alone. Rather, try to work together to find a way to address it and help your kids.

Be consistent

Consistency is key for co-parenting discipline. If you don’t stick to your own rules, then your kids aren’t going to take them seriously. It’s a lot harder to get them on board if they think the rules don’t matter. Therefore, you both have to be consistent with both your rules, and discipline for when they’re broken.

Now, that doesn’t mean you have to be an authoritarian. It’s fine to let things like bedtimes or chores slip every now and then, especially for special situations. The main thing is that these should be infrequent rather than the norm.