Category: divorce advice

Workplace Gossip: Handle It Right

Keeping your motivation to work during your divorce can be a challenging task. One of the things which can make that so tough is workplace gossip. While it can be annoying, there are some ways to handle it so you can get back to work without these interruptions…

Workplace Gossip: Handle It Right

Be open and honest

Workplace gossip tends to start when other coworkers think another one is hiding something. Often times, it may not even start out as malicious. Rather, it’s just your coworkers trying to figure out what’s going on. Therefore, one of the best ways to cut down on this gossip is by setting the record straight.

Of course, you don’t have to share every detail as to what has happened. Divorce is still a very personal matter, so it’s up to you as to how much info you give out. Also, if you haven’t already, it’s a good idea to let your boss know first before other coworkers. That way, they can help you keep a stable work-life balance and help address any rumors that have gotten out of hand.

Understand group dynamics

Most jobs have some kind of dynamic between coworkers. Whether it be working on projects together, sharing ideas, or just making some small talk, strong dynamics tends to lead to a strong business. However, workplace gossip can derail these dynamics, so it’s important to understand how they work.

Consider what your position is in the groups. Are you in a management or leadership position? If so, then your coworkers might just be concerned if your personal life will impact your work life. If you aren’t, then it may also be a good idea to let your manager know what’s going on, so they see it isn’t an issue. When coworkers can see that your divorce won’t impact your working ability, the gossip tends to die out fast.

Persistent rumors

Sadly, some people like to fuel workplace gossip for their own personal drama needs. These people will always try and draw up a story, usually for no real reason other than they’re bored or want to cause drama. When you encounter these people, it’s time to take things to HR. After all, everyone has a right to feel safe and accepted in the workplace.

Finding Support Post-Divorce

As long as there is marriage, there will be divorce. No one is safe from divorce, and no marriage is divorce-proof. It’s important to understand that no one has to go through divorce alone. If you are facing divorce or you and your partner are considering it, know that finding support for yourself is important and a key ingredient to getting through this. Support can be found in odd places.

Finding Support: Support Systems Post-Divorce

Family

In some cases, family is the last people you want in your business. While this is understandable, know that family (siblings, cousins, parents) know you best. They know your quirks and ticks, but most importantly: they understand you. This understanding will go a long way in finding support within these family members. 

Friends

Some friends will know both you and your partner, so they will have a neutral viewpoint on the situation. Sometimes, hearing an outsider’s views or thoughts will put things in a new perspective for you. Finding support within your friends will aid in maintaining your lifestyle after a divorce.

Support Groups

Support groups might sound cheesy. They might seem full of coffee and doughnuts and people who just don’t get you. However, support groups are a great place for finding support. In many cases, people in support groups are just like you. Afraid, confused, and full of emotions. Allowing yourself to open up to people in support groups will help you understand you are not alone.

Professional Help

Sometimes, a friend isn’t what you need. In certain cases, you might consider seeking the help of a therapist or psychiatrist. It might be difficult to ask for help, and these professionals understand that. Finding support within a professional setting will make sure you are doing what’s best mentally and emotionally for you and your family.

Additionally, keep in mind that while most people want to help naturally, others are nothing more than curious. Know that you should not share all aspects of your divorce with just anyone.

Lastly, finding support can come easy, just make sure you are finding it within the right people.

Offering Support: Help A Divorcing Friend

Having a strong support network can really help with making a divorce more manageable. However, what about when a friend of yours is divorcing? Many people like offering support, but are unsure of the best way to truly help. However, there are many ways for you to support your friend during these times…

Offering Support: Help A Divorcing Friend

Provide empathy

When you first start offering support, it helps to be empathetic. Your friend doesn’t need to hear anything like “I told you so”. Odds are they’re already beating themselves up as it it. Having someone they see as a friend jump in on the dog-pile will only make them feel worse.

Instead, just try to listen to your friend and provide some empathy for how they feel. Try to avoid making assumptions about how you might handle the situation or how to “fix” things. Many times, people want to fix other’s problems when they really can’t. Sometimes, all your friend needs is someone to listen to them.

Offer the right kind of help

When it comes to offering support, you want to offer the right kind of support. This should be help which makes your friend’s life just a bit easier. For example, if they have kids, maybe you can offer some help watching them if they have to do something. Little things like that go a long way in helping them out.

However, make sure that you don’t offer them any advice which could come back to hurt them. Don’t encourage them to get “back” at their ex, or something along those lines. That will only make your friends situation harder than it needs to be.

Remember to still include them

When you’re offering support, remember that your friend is still, well, your friend! You shouldn’t try treating them like they’re a totally new person just because they’re going through a divorce. Sometimes, your friend will just need to get away from everything, and that’s where you can help.

Make sure to still include your friend when you can. Invite them to go out, offer to do things with them, or just take some time to hang out. Doing so can help your friend take their mind off the divorce, and feel a bit “normal” again.

Divorce Stress: Ways To Relax

Divorce stress is a part of the divorce process that can seem unavoidable. However, the important thing is how you handle this stress. Allowing this stress to build could have a negative impact on your overall health. Therefore, it’s a good idea to know how you can get this stress out of your system…

Divorce Stress: Ways To Relax

Deep breathing

One way to reduce divorce stress is by taking deep breaths. Now, it might sound a little cliche, but deep breaths actually do help with stress. When people get anxious and worked up, they tend to take very shallow breaths. What this means is that they end up feeling out of breath, allowing for the stress to build up.

However, taking deep breaths solves this problem. For starters, they slow down your breathing and help you calm down. Plus, deep breathing makes you do abdominal breathing, which gets more air into your body. All of this can help you re-center and refocus on what’s going out without the added stress.

Create a calming space

Sometimes, it can feel like your divorce stress is always building up. You may even feel like you have no way of escaping from your stressors. When this happens, your stress can feel just too overwhelming. For this reason, it’s important to give yourself a space in which you can relax, unwind, and de-stress.

Try to work on making your home or apartment a welcoming and relaxing space. You can put up decorations you like, get some nice candles, and maybe even paint the walls to a more neutral color. Even things like getting some indoor plants and keeping the blinds open can help make your living space the perfect place to get away from the stress.

Channel that stress

When you feel like your divorce stress has built up for too long, you’re going to need to let it out. However, it’s important to do so on your own terms. Constantly letting that stress build can lead to you accidentally letting it out all at once, usually in a not-so-ideal situation.

Try to find a hobby you enjoy which can help you de-stress. Through this hobby, you can help let that stress leave your body, and be replaced by more positive emotions. You can even try exercising, and turning that stress into your motivation.

Angry Ex: What You Should Do?

Divorce anger is something which anyone can feel. However, what if that anger is directed at you? An angry ex can be complicated to deal with. Still, there’s a few ways in which you can approach them and handle this anger…

Angry Ex: What You Should Do?

Don’t ESCALATE

When you have to deal with an angry ex, the one thing you don’t want to do is respond with anger yourself. If you escalate the situation, you’ll just make them more upset and complicate things further. Instead, it’s a much better idea to try and be empathetic towards them.

After all, many times this anger is because of the grief or blame that they’re placing on themselves. While they may take that anger out on you, they’re really more upset that things didn’t work out. Therefore, keep your cool and let them know you understand how they feel, and that you’re sad too. Eventually, they may turn around and realize their mistake.

Communicate clearly

Communication is also important for dealing with an angry ex. Being able to talk to your ex can help you work on a divorce agreement together. When you work together, you can end up with an agreement that works for the both of you. However, anger can get in the way of this communication-wise.

That’s why it’s a good idea to keep your conversations brief, yet to-the-point. Have a clear point or topic you want to discuss, and focus in on it. If your ex would rather be mean or rude, simply put a polite end the conversation for now. Very quickly, your ex will realize that they need to watch what they say.

Keep good boundaries

Boundaries are very helpful for when you have an angry ex. These are going to be your limits for what you’re willing to tolerate from them. If your ex starts to cross those boundaries, then that’s a signal that it’s time to disengage.

Not only that, but your boundaries can also apply to when and where you want to see your ex. That way, they know not to show up at places like your home or your work. Once they see what you will and will not be tolerate, they’ll shape up sooner rather than later.

Divorce Coping: Methods To Try

The process of divorcing can be very rough emotionally. As a result, it’s helpful to look into divorce coping methods. These methods can help you overcome the turmoil you might be experiencing…

Divorce Coping: Methods To Try

External help

Many people like to seek external help as part of their divorce coping plan. It can be hard to deal with all the negative emotions divorce brings. Trying to balance them and all of your divorce matter by yourself can leave you feeling worse than before. Therefore, it’s helpful to have someone help you.

A therapist or counselor is one good option. These experts can figure out what’s causing you the most distress, and come up with a plan to help you start feeling better. Still, even just talking to friends or family about how you feel can be great for getting those feelings off of your chest.

Practice gratitude

Divorcing can also leave you focusing on all the negatives you think your life has. You might think you’re never gonna find love again, or that your future plans are all out the window. However, rather than letting these negative thoughts take over, it’s better to find things to be thankful for.

Focusing on the positive things in your life is another good divorce coping strategy. Try to think about the things you have which you can be grateful for. This could be your kids, your health, and the support you have from friends and family. Finding things to appreciate can give you a new outlook on divorce.

Do self-care

A lot of people also forget to take care of themselves during divorce. They’re so focused on the divorce itself, that they don’t remember their health matters just as much. Some common issues people run into are trouble sleeping, unhealthy eating habits, and not giving themselves any kind of break.

This is why self-care is key for healthy divorce coping.You’ll find your decision making is going to be a whole lot better when you get feel healthy. Make sure to get plenty of sleep, and eat as healthy as you can. Be sure to give your brain a break from the divorce every now and then too!

Online Safety Post-Divorce

When your divorce is over, it’s a good idea to take some extra steps to keep yourself safe. In particular, you should be careful about your online safety post-divorce. Making some key changes can help you feel confident and safe when you go online…

Online Safety Post-Divorce: Key Steps

Watch your Social Media

Social media is something pretty much everyone uses these days. However, it can be pretty unsafe if you aren’t careful. That’s why one good way to improve your online safety post-divorce is by being taking precautions with your profiles.

To start, it’s good to not post anything which could get you in trouble with your ex and any agreements you have. Also, be wary of who you accept as friends or followers. Some of them could be people trying to either scam you, or steal personal info and try to hack your accounts. Try to verify a person’s identity before you accept their requests.

Don’t post personal info

Another key part of online safety post-divorce is not posting important personal information. This includes things like birthdays, addresses, and phone numbers. The last thing you want is for the wrong kind of person to have that info, and use it to either harass you or try to steal your identity.

This is especially important if you want to try online dating. Not everyone who has a profile on these sites is who they say they are! Some of them might be trying to scam you out of money or personal info. Always be careful and avoid oversharing with strangers.

Set up extra security

It’s also a good idea to improve your digital security to boost your online safety post-divorce. Many websites now have two-factor authentication. That means in order to log-in, you need to enter both your password, and a code sent to your phone or email.

This is a great way to prevent would-be hackers from brute forcing their way into your profiles. Plus, you might also want to sign up for security alerts. These will let you know when it appears there’s been a breach in your security. That way, you can respond right away.

Divorcing Young: Why It Happens

These days, there’s less younger couples marrying than in the past. For those that do, many of them end up divorcing young as well. Much like with older couples, there’s a few reasons in particular why they tend to split up…

Divorcing Young: Why It Happens

Realizing they rushed

One common reason for divorcing young is that these couples realize they’ve rushed things. Relationships go in stages, and the “honeymoon” stage in particular can be misleading. During this stage, everything between you and your partner seems perfect. In fact, you might think you have no problems, because in your eyes, your partner can do no wrong.

It’s this mindset which causes many young couples to rush into marriage. However, much like an actual honeymoon, that phase doesn’t last forever. Eventually, reality will start to set in, and they’ll realize they’re not ready to be married just yet. As a result, they’ll end up divorcing.

You don’t know each other

This reason for divorcing young is somewhat related to rushing. When couples are in those early stages of dating, they don’t really know each other all too well. They might know some surface-level things, but they aren’t aware of say how living together might go.

Being in that mindset where you “think” you know them can lead you to tying the know. But, as you begin to spend more time with each other, you might realize you don’t get along like you thought. This can make you see that you’ve basically married someone who is still a stranger to you.

Different Future Goals

Divorcing young can also be due to both partners having different goals in mind for the future. For example, one partner might want to try and finish up school or find a good job before having kids. Meanwhile, the other one wants to have kids now and not wait.

Disagreements like this can paint a bigger picture. Eventually, both partners may realize that they want completely different things in the future. This can place them at odds with one another. Unfortunately, this usually means that they’ll have to split in order to achieve those goals.

Divorce Recovery: Bounce Back

Divorce can be hard to deal with, even when you’ve finished everything. That’s why it’s important to focus on your divorce recovery. There’s a few steps you can take which’ll help you start to move on with your life again…

Divorce Recovery: Turn Things Around

Focus & reflect

It’s helpful to start your divorce recovery by taking some time to focus and reflect on what’s happened. It can be tempting to try and move forward and not think about the past. However, by doing that, you won’t process the baggage you’re carrying. This can come back to hurt you, especially in future relationships.

Rather, think about the issues you had in your marriage. What was causing you guys the most distress and arguments? By reflecting on these things, you can learn what to work on and avoid in the future. This will also let you set some good goals for self-improvement.

Keep busy

Keeping busy is also helpful for your divorce recovery. Having nothing to do will have you not just be bored, but also can cause you to dwell on negative memories. Thinking about all the things you used to do with your spouse can make you feel more sad and isolated.

Therefore, it’s good to keep yourself busy. One good way to do this is by finding a new hobby or activity. It’s especially handy to try and find something that has groups which you can join. Doing so is great for making new friends.

Practice forgiveness

It’s important to practice forgiveness as part of your divorce recovery. In specific, there’s two types of forgiveness to do. First, you should forgive yourself and not place all the blame on your shoulders. There are many reasons as to why things didn’t work out, but you aren’t the only one responsible.

It’s also good to try and forgive your ex too. After all, it’s not like they went into the marriage wanting a divorce. Both of you made mistakes, so it’s good to be able to forgive and move on. Holding on to regret will just pull you down and get in the way of your recovery.

Post-Divorce Healing: Helpful Methods

It can be a bit hard to start recovering from your divorce. However, a useful way to get this process started is by focusing on some post-divorce healing. These methods can help you to heal from your heartbreak and prepare for your post-divorce life…

 Post-Divorce Healing: Key Techniques

Accept the situation

It’s important to accept your situation in order to start your post-divorce healing process. Many people try to repress how they truly feel after their divorce. They may tell other that they’re fine, and even try to tell themselves that it isn’t all that big of a deal.

In reality, you might be hurting quite a lot, and that’s okay. You need to be able to accept that you don’t feel okay, and that the divorce has impacted you in this way. Once you’re able to accept that you don’t feel fine, you can really start working on feeling better again.

Take care of yourself

You’ll also want to take good care of yourself when doing post-divorce healing. When people feel depressed, they tend to stop taking care of themselves. For example, they may lay in bed all day, won’t practice good hygiene, and eat rather poorly. Some people may even turn to drug and alcohol to cope with their feelings.

Of course, not taking care of yourself will only cause you to feel even worse. This is why it’s so important for you to practice good, healthy habits. It might seem hard at first, but once you see how better you’ll feel, it’ll quickly become a part of your new routine.

Talk to others

One thing you don’t want to do is keep your emotions and feelings bottled up inside. While you may think this will help you get over your emotions, it’ll actually end up doing the opposite. What happens is these emotions stay below the surface and get stronger, until they eventually boil over in a way you won’t want them to.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to talk to others about how you feel. Talking out your feelings with friends and family is great for processing those emotions properly. Once you’re able to work through these negative ones, it becomes easier to focus on the positives instead.