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Category: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Navigating a High-Conflict Divorce

A high-conflict divorce can be incredibly taxing and stressful for everybody involved. Divorce is often contentious, but some are more explosive than others. If you are going through a very stressful divorce, it can be helpful to seek the advice of professionals. Having an experienced team around you to help you navigate the emotional and legal aspects of the situation can help you feel more in control. It can also help to practice calming techniques to reduce your anxiety. Finally, there are some tactics you can use when interacting with your ex that might be able to help keep things a little calmer. Hopefully, you’ll be able to finalize your divorce quickly and begin the process of healing and moving on.

Navigating a High-Conflict Divorce: Reducing Stress and Calming the Waters

Contributing Factors

Many things can contribute to high-conflict divorce. Sometimes, spouses let spite and resentment control the situation, rather than reason. If you or your ex are making decisions just to hurt the other, things will likely escalate. Child custody issues can also increase the tension in any divorce proceeding, especially if you feel that your ex is not a suitable caregiver. And of course, emotions can also run high if there is infidelity.

Seeking Professional Help

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce, surrounding yourself with experienced professionals can help you feel like you’re more in control. For instance, a mediator can help you settle issues outside of court. An attorney can help you fight for what you deserve with your settlement. And therapy can help you manage your stress levels and begin the healing process.

Calming Techniques

Calming techniques can help you settle down if you are going through a high-conflict divorce. Practice breathing exercises like deep breathing, mentally counting, or a 4-7-8 breath. Meditation, journaling, and yoga can all help you feel calmer at the end of the day. And finally, getting exercise, taking time for yourself, and getting outside some each day can also help you reduce stress.

Reducing Conflict

Finally, there are some tactics you can use to reduce the tension in a high-conflict divorce. For example, improving your communication skills with your ex can be helpful. Speaking from your perspective about how you feel rather than accusing your spouse can go a long way. Additionally, communicating in writing can help you organize your thoughts and prevent you from saying things in the heat of the moment that you’ll regret later. Finally, it’s helpful to prioritize the things that are most important to you with your settlement and let the rest go. Don’t get hung up on petty arguments, but instead, focus on the bigger picture.

High-conflict divorce is difficult for anybody to handle. While every divorce is stressful in its way, particularly contentious ones can leave you feeling quite shaken. Tensions might run high because of several factors, like custody disputes, infidelity, or simply a conflict of personalities. Enlist the help of qualified professionals like mediators, attorneys, and therapists to help you navigate these tricky waters. Use calming techniques like exercise or journaling to help you clear your head. And finally, try to calm tensions by improving communication with your ex and learning to compromise. While no divorce is fun, some can be draining. Hopefully, you can get the settlement you deserve and begin to move on quickly.

Navigating Parental Guilt during a Divorce

Parental guilt during divorce is a very common response for nearly all parents who go through a separation. However, it’s important to look at the bigger picture. Remind yourself that your children will be happier in the long run with parents who live separately and can co-parent peacefully than parents who stay in an unhappy marriage. And work on improving your relationship as co-parents so that you can all stay close as a family. Take steps to reduce your stress and prioritize your mental health. And most of all, be patient. These feelings will pass as you begin to see how quickly your children will adjust to their new normal. Hopefully, the transition period won’t take long and everybody will be happier in the long run.

Navigating Parental Guilt during a Divorce: Doing What’s Best

Look at the Big Picture

When navigating parental guilt during divorce, it’s helpful to remind yourself that you aren’t the only parent experiencing these feelings. It’s very common and perfectly normal. But it’s important to make decisions that work for your entire family, not just your children. If divorce is the best course of action for you and your ex, then your children will be better off in the long run.

Co-Parent Peacefully

To help ease parental guilt during divorce, it can help to establish a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex. The more the two of you can get along, the better off it will be for your kids. Especially if you can be at social events together without creating drama. That will allow you to be present at important events for your children throughout their lives.

De-Stress

It’s also helpful to concentrate on limiting stress when dealing with parental guilt during a divorce. You can try mindfulness exercises like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga. Journaling can also be very helpful. If you are struggling, speaking with a therapist can be very helpful. Additionally, exercise and spending time outside are also helpful in reducing anxiety.

Be Patient

Finally, be patient when navigating parental guilt during a divorce. During the beginning of the divorce process, emotions can run high for everybody. However, you all will begin easing into your new lifestyles quickly. Hopefully, your children will adjust easily to your custody situation and you can get them the age-appropriate resources and support they need to process their emotions.

It’s very normal to feel parental guilt during a divorce. However, you shouldn’t have to. Staying in an unhappy marriage won’t allow you or your ex to be the parents you can be. Sometimes, as painful as it is, divorce is the best option in the long run for everybody. If you are going through emotional ups and downs, try to be patient with yourself and remember that this too shall pass. Concentrate on becoming cordial with your ex so that you can co-parent peacefully. Use de-stressing techniques to ease anxiety, and speak to a professional if you are struggling. Hopefully, you will all adjust quickly to the changes in your lives and will realize that the stress of the divorce is well worth it for your overall happiness.

When Emotional Abuse Becomes Physical

If you are in a relationship where emotional abuse becomes physical, it’s important to get the support you need to get out safely. Domestic violence can take many forms, but all abuse stems from a place of wanting to have power and control over a victim. While not all emotional abusers will become physical abusers, mistreatment of a partner does tend to escalate. It’s important to be able to recognize the signs of emotional abuse and to notice when things begin escalating into physical abuse. If you are in a relationship that involves domestic violence of any form, you need to leave safely. Make sure that you take steps to protect yourself and any children in the house, make a plan, and get the support you need to leave. After you are safely away, you can decide if you would like to take legal action against your abuser.

When Emotional Abuse Becomes Physical: Escalation

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can be difficult to spot in a relationship because the signs can be subtle. Oftentimes, people engaging in emotional abuse try to belittle their partners or make them question their reality. They might use threats, insults, yelling, or gaslighting as a tactic. Victims often begin to question their reality as well as their self-worth. This can make it harder for them to get out of the relationship.

Physical Abuse

Emotional abuse becomes physical as soon as a partner lays a hand on you. Physical abuse might include hitting, kicking, choking, or restraining. However, it can also be more subtle as well. Sleep deprivation, forcing you to consume alcohol or drugs, or preventing you from being able to seek medical help are also forms of physical abuse.

Noticing Escalation

It’s important to be able to notice when emotional abuse becomes physical and to know the signs of abuse to watch out for in the first place. Often, abusers will be overly controlling of their partners from the start of the relationship. They might show extreme jealousy, or be quick to anger. Finally, they might begin trying to isolate their victim from friends and family. Noticing any of these signs might mean that it’s time to take a closer look at your relationship and decide whether or not it’s crossing the line of abuse.

Getting Out Safely

If you find yourself in a relationship where emotional abuse becomes physical, or even in a relationship that has red flags of abuse, it’s time to leave. If you have children, it’s important to leave the abusive relationship before they are hurt. Make a plan to leave when your partner is away from the house. Contact a friend or family member that you trust to help you make a plan to get away safely. There are also local support systems in place that can help you if you are a victim of domestic violence of any form.

Domestic violence is a serious crime. And unfortunately, there is often an escalation where emotional abuse becomes physical. Abusers do not stop hurting their victims on their own. Instead, they often escalate to more and more violent forms of abuse. If you are experiencing emotional abuse, it could escalate into physical abuse against you or the children in your home. Therefore, if you notice any signs early on in your relationship, like a controlling partner or a partner that tries to isolate you from friends, leave. Domestic violence can be extremely dangerous and emotionally damaging for victims. And it can also be deadly. Getting the support you need to safely leave is the only way to protect yourself. Only then can you begin the process of healing and consider bringing legal action.

How-to: Cope with Divorce Emotion & Gain Support

Divorce can being up all kinds of emotions and negative feelings. You may feel like your world is spiring out of control. Not only is a relationship ending, there are many other legal hoops to jump through. Between deciding where to live, who gets custody over the kids, and how to divide assets, there is a lot to work through. While it may seem overwhelming now, know there are ways to cope with divorce.

How-to Cope with Divorce: Steps to Take

Emotions

Divorce can bring up many painful emotions. For example, you may feel emotions such as grief, anger, depression, fear and frustration. The sadness and grief may set in at the realization of the loss or end of a relationship. The fear could be from the thought that you may be alone for a while. Anger could come from the hurt that you have experienced during the marriage and divorce process. Depression could come from the overwhelming fear that you will not be able to cope with all of these emotions.

In order to cope with divorce and these emotions, you must first let yourself go through this grief process. You will not be able to cure these feelings, but you can learn healthy ways to handle them. Once you have let yourself grieve, you will be able to start the process to move on with your new life.

Reach Out For Support

Do not be afraid to reach out to others for support. Many other people have been down the same road as you, and can be a good companion on this journey. Even if they have not experienced the same things that you have, friends and family who care about you will be there to support you too. If your circle got torn apart by the divorce, make an effort to meet new people. Join a club, start a new hobby, volunteer, or get involved in a place of worship or in the community.

If you need to talk to someone outside of your circle, reach out to a professional who can help. A councilor or support group can be a great place to open up without feeling judged by those you know. Talking through your feelings and emotions, and having someone there to listen is all a part of learning to cope with divorce.

Self-Care

Do not forget to take care of yourself through this process. Everything can feel so overwhelming that you forget to focus on yourself too. Make sure to exercise, which will help your physical and mental wellbeing. Pay attention to what your body is telling you it needs. That may be sleep, or that may be learning to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty about it.

Take time each day to nurture yourself. That may look different for each person, but could include doing yoga, going for a walk, reading a book, or spending time with friends. By making sure that you are mentally and physically rested and fit, you will be more able to take on having to cope with divorce.

How-to Navigate Religious Guilt During Divorce

Many religions do not condone divorce. They have built a negative stigma around it. This is actually a reason that some people stay in unhealthy marriages far longer than they should, or for their whole life. They may be worried about the stigma and associated shame and guilt that comes with divorce due to their religious beliefs. If you are in an unhealthy marriage that is beyond repair, do not let religious shaming keep you from getting a divorce. Learn more about how to navigate religious guilt during divorce.

How-to Navigate Religious Guilt During Divorce: Freeing Yourself From Shame

Stigma

Over the course of history, religious groups have looked down on divorce. There can be a lot of religious guilt during divorce, and a stigma that follows you after divorce. Some religious groups do not permit their members to get divorced, while others shun divorcees. Oftentimes, churches name divorce as a sin that should not be committed. ‘Marriage is a lifelong commitment’ is a common thing to hear. It is not uncommon to hear that God hates divorce. All of this leads to people staying in marriages that they should not stay in. It also makes people feel like they are a failure if they do get divorced. However, many times divorce can stem from circumstances that you are not in control of.

Forgive Yourself

If you are concerned about religious guilt during divorce, take time to work through forgiving yourself first. You can spend time praying and talk to God about your situation. Express your grief, sadness, and frustration. Religion always preaches forgiveness, so know that God will forgive you and that you should also forgive yourself. It may take you a while to get to the point where you can forgive yourself. In addition, you can talk to a councilor or someone objective to work through your struggles. Know that this one thing does not define who you are as a person. You are not a bad person for wanting a divorce.

Support Group

Divorce can be a difficult and emotional process to go through. It really helps to have people you can trust and lean on for support. If your church or religion will not stand behind you through your divorce, find a support group who will. There will always be people who can understand, relate and emphasize with your divorce. You will need people to lean on during the really emotional and challenging times. Also, just because your church frowns upon divorce, there are bound to be some people within the church that will be there to support you. They will be able to see your struggle from both sides, just as you do. Another option would be to look for another, more inclusive church. There are many churches that will accept you for you, and does not define you by your marital history.

Staying Neutral When Friends Divorce

Staying neutral when friends divorce can be tough, but if you’re friends with both husband and wife, it’s the only way to maintain your friendship with both. Try to set boundaries at the beginning about how involved you are comfortable being. Set expectations with them about wanting to stay neutral, and shut down trash-talking. Remember that you’re always getting one side of the story at a time, so take things with a grain of salt. And finally, remember to be a sounding board, but not a therapist. It’s not your job to fix their problems, but rather to be a support. Hopefully, they can have a reasonably amicable divorce and you’ll be able to maintain your friendship with both without having to pick sides.

Staying Neutral When Friends Divorce: Maintaining Friendships

Set Boundaries

When friends divorce, it can be helpful to set boundaries up front. Let them know that you want to be supportive, however, don’t let them take advantage of that. You cannot be fielding phone calls all day and night. It’s also important to remind them that you can’t be their mediator or go-between. That’s a job for a professional mediator or marriage counselor.

Set Expectations

It can be helpful to set expectations upfront when friends divorce. Let them know that you truly want to stay neutral and remain close to both of them. If that’s going to be a problem for either one, then you need to know at the start. Tell them you’re happy to be a sympathetic ear but that you don’t want to engage in trash-talking the ex.

A Grain of Salt

Try to remember to take everything with a grain of salt when friends divorce. While you might be hearing from both of them, you’re only ever getting one side at a time. Their version of the truth is always going to be different than their exes. Even if the facts are the same, each person might interpret things differently. So try to remember that no matter what you hear about either of your friends, it’s coming from a perspective that can’t be trusted.

Be A Sounding Board

Finally, when friends divorce, remember to be a sounding board and not a therapist. Let them tell you how they’re feeling, but try to avoid giving advice. You don’t want to look like you’re trying to affect how their divorce proceedings go. Instead, use neutral responses like ”I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Or ”that sounds like it would be really hard to deal with.” By staying neutral with your responses you can avoid seeming like you’re picking sides.

Staying neutral when friends divorce can often put you in a tricky position. But if you’re close with both parties, you’ll need to avoid giving advice or seeming like you’re picking sides. Set boundaries and expectations early on and let your friends know that it’s your goal to remain in both of their lives. Remember that you are a sounding board, and not a mediator or therapist. It’s not your job to try to fix their marital issues, and you’ll probably wind up regretting it if you try. Instead, try to keep your responses neutral and remember to take everything with a grain of salt. Hopefully, you can be a supportive friend without feeling the need to pick sides in their divorce.

Celebrating Your Divorce: It’s Okay to Be Happy

While some might consider celebrating your divorce a bit taboo, there are plenty of reasons to be grateful it’s over. While the end of a marriage can be a sad time for some, others feel relieved. It’s perfectly fine to feel any emotion about the end of your divorce, but some situations might make you even more excited to be done. For example, some people simply aren’t right for each other, and marriage can create a lot of tension. In addition, many are excited about the prospect of focusing on themselves in a new chapter of their lives. You might also be celebrating if you were in an abusive relationship. Because hopefully now, you will be safe. And finally, even if you mourn the end of your marriage, it’s still okay to be excited that the divorce process is over. It’s perfectly fine to celebrate your divorce. And now that it’s over, you can focus on your priorities more.

Celebrating Your Divorce: It’s Okay to Be Happy It’s Over

Some Marriages Aren’t Right

Some marriages simply are not happy unions, so getting out of one might be a reason you’re celebrating your divorce. While it might feel like love early on, people change and so do circumstances. Many marriages fail because partners grow apart or begin resenting one another. If you are in an unhappy relationship, it’s perfectly fine to feel a sense of relief when it is over.

Time for a New You

Another reason you might be celebrating your divorce is that now is the time to start a new chapter in your life. So many people feel like they have to prioritize their partner’s needs ahead of their own or have spouses that are not supportive of their goals. If this is your situation, you might be excited about the prospect of finally getting to focus on your own needs for a change. You might also be excited about the idea of meeting somebody new who will be a better fit for you.

Getting Yourself to Safety

Unfortunately, sometimes relationships are not only rocky, but they’re also downright abusive. If you are getting out of a dangerous or abusive environment, you’re probably celebrating your divorce. Especially if you have children that you are also getting to safety. Abuse can take many forms, not just physical violence. Plenty of victims experience emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and financial abuse. Getting safely out of any sort of abusive relationship is a cause for celebration.

The Divorce Process is Stressful

Finally, the divorce process itself is incredibly stressful. It can feel overwhelming at times and drag on and on, bringing out the worst in everybody. Even if you are mourning the end of your marriage, you might still be celebrating your divorce. You’re finally done with the legal process and can move on to other priorities in your life.

The divorce process can bring out many different emotions. It’s perfectly fine to mourn the end of your marriage, feel confused about your future, or even be celebrating your divorce. Especially if you are getting out of a bad or dangerous marriage. Even if your marriage was healthy for a while, divorce can bring out the worst in everybody. You might be excited to be able to start a new chapter in your life, and maybe even meet somebody new. And if you were in an abusive relationship, finally being free of it can feel like a huge relief. Even if you are upset about the end of your marriage, the divorce process itself can be painful. It’s okay to be happy that it’s over. Now is the time to focus on yourself, find your new identity apart from your ex, and begin the next part of your life.

Friendly Divorce: Keep The Peace

Many people assume that divorce is filled with arguments and quick tempers. However, it is possible to pull off a friendly divorce. By doing so, it becomes a lot easier for you and your ex to remain on good terms, and further your post-divorce cooperation…

Friendly Divorce: Keep The Peace

Try to avoid rough starts

There’s a lot of different reasons as to why couples divorce. Many of these reasons tend to be pretty negative and tend to be upsetting. Due to this, it could have your divorce start out pretty rough. Therefore, if you want a friendly divorce, it’s best to avoid this from happening.

It’s understandable that your emotions will be raw, and you may feel pretty upset at your partner. However, taking those feelings out on your partner won’t make things better. Rather, it’ll just make the whole process much harder. Instead, use other means besides your divorce process to get those stronger feelings processed.

Focus on the kids

Another way to ensure a friendly divorce is by thinking about your kids. While you and your soon-to-be-ex may have your differences, you can both agree on wanting what’s best for the kids. Because of this, it helps to use this shared goal as a basis for keeping your divorce low conflict.

Plus, this is a good way for you both to work on your teamwork. For instance, you’ll want to talk about the divorce to your kids together and reassure them that things will be okay. You’ll also have to discuss potential co-parenting plans. By working with the kids in mind, it’ll help you keep the divorce peaceful.

Commit to working together

It can be hard to sort out disagreements with your spouse at first. This can be especially true if you feel like the divorce is their fault. However, remember that a friendly divorce doesn’t mean you and your ex will see eye-to-eye on everything.

Rather, it means you’re willing to work with each other on a compromise. By being willing to meet in the middle on some things, you avoid those potentially nasty arguments. This keeps things between you peaceful, and plus it also encourages more collaboration down the line.

Divorce-Related Anger

The emotions that can come with divorce aren’t always pretty. One of the more nastier ones is divorce-related anger. This anger can have a negative impact on both you and your divorce process. Therefore, it’s helpful to know how you can get this anger under control…

Divorce-Related Anger

Directing the anger

People will direct their divorce-related anger in two ways: either at one’s ex, or at themselves. For the former, this usually occurs when the person blames their ex for the divorce. In their eyes, their ex is the one who seemingly gave up on them and their marriage. Even if they propose the divorce, they’ll blame their ex for leaving them no choice.

The later choice tends to occur when someone places all the divorce blame on themselves. They feel like they should’ve done more, or didn’t do something right, and now divorce is inevitable. Despite whatever their ex tells them, they will be angry at themselves for seemingly ruining everything.

Anger Impact

This divorce-related anger can have a serious impact on one’s divorce. For instance, if you’re angry at your ex, you might be less willing to work with them. In fact, some people even try to get “revenge” through the divorce process. The most extreme cases see this happening even after the divorce is over with.

Or, you might be constantly hard on yourself. As you place all the blame on your shoulders, your mental well-being will suffer. Plus, you may not even contest whatever your ex wants from the divorce, because you feel like you “deserve” to be punished for failing.

Handling this anger

Divorce-related anger is quite common, and so there’s many ways you can work on getting a handle on it. For instance, you might want to look for healthy outlets for your anger. This could be exercise, writing, meditation, or whatever works for you.

You can also try and meet with a therapist. A therapist can help you figure out what the root cause of your anger is. That way, you can work together to improve your mental health, and better improve yourself for your post-divorce life.

Post-Divorce Writing: Expressing Yourself

Feelings of depression are pretty common after a divorce. Shaking those negative feelings can be pretty hard. However, one thing which you might find helpful is doing some post-divorce writing. Taking some time to write can help you feel better in a few different ways…

Post-Divorce Writing

Get your feelings out

One thing post-divorce writing helps with is getting your feelings out. Aside from feelings of depression, you may also feel pretty upset, angry, or anxious. Bottling up those feelings can end up making them worse over time, before they eventually reach a breaking point. Therefore, it’s useful to have an outlet.

Writing will allow for you to have a way to get those emotions out of your body and onto paper. It might seem simple, but it actually can help quite a bit. As you continue to write, you’ll start to feel better and think clearer, and can start to work on healing.

Track your progress

Another useful thing about post-divorce writing is how you can use it to track your progress. Sometimes, people will think that they aren’t making any progress moving forwards after their divorce. This can keep them stuck in a bit of a rut, which creates a self-fulfilling cycle.

However, if you keep a journal or diary, then you’ll have some physical proof of the progress you’re making. As you fill it out, you can easily go back and see where you started and how far you’ve come. This can help give you the motivation you might need to continue making your progress.

Express your creativity

Post-divorce writing also gives you a way to express your more creative side. Many people like to try and get into new hobbies after their divorce, and the arts are definitely one of them. Writing in particular can be a type of activity you might find yourself interested in.

For instance, maybe you try to write some poetry. Or, perhaps you try writing some kind of short stories. Don’t worry about them being something others have to read. As long as you enjoy writing them, then that’s all that matters.