Category: Emotional Impact of Divorce

The Weapon of the Emotional Abuser: Gaslighting

A phrase that has gained popularity in recent years is “Gaslighting.” Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse because it skews the balance of power in a relationship and makes the victim question their reality. There are many different ways that an abuser can gaslight their partner, and the effects can be huge. Often, victims have a hard time overcoming their emotional abuse, and it takes a long time to trust again. The best way to respond to gaslighting is to keep a record of everything so that you can view the events later with clear eyes. Gaslighting can have a huge impact on emotional and mental well-being, so it’s important to address it.

The Weapon of the Emotional Abuser: What is Gaslighting?

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where a person makes the victim question their perception of reality. A victim of gaslighting will feel confused and question their own reality. They may also question their own feelings about events and wonder if they are over-reacting in situations. This can cause significant anxiety and eventually hurt a person’s mental health. The term comes from a 1938 play called Gas Light where a husband keeps dimming the gas-powered lights in a home and disagrees with his wife when she points it out. Gaslighting can make a victim unable to trust their own instincts and feelings. It is a classic weapon of emotional abusers.

Effects of Gaslighting?

The main effect of gaslighting is that the victim begins to mistrust their own feelings. They question their reality, and ultimately this gives the abuser more power. If a victim feels unable to trust their own instincts, they’re more likely to stay in a relationship with their emotional abuser. They’ll also be afraid to reach out to others for help because they wonder if they’re being too sensitive. If a victim doesn’t reach out to friends or family, then it’s less likely that somebody will spot the other red flags in their relationship.

How to Respond to Gaslighting

The first thing to do if you suspect your partner is gaslighting you is to keep a record of things. Start a journal or diary of your day to day conversations and when you feel like your feelings are being dismissed or questioned. Hopefully, you’ll be able to gain some perspective by viewing the conversations later on. Collect evidence that supports the version of events that you remember, even if your partner insists that you are incorrect. You can also speak with a friend or somebody you trust to see if they notice red flags. This is another way to collect evidence that you can refer back to later. It’s important to address gaslighting because it can have such a harmful effect on your mental health.

Gaslighting is a common form of emotional abuse. If your partner is gaslighting you, they may argue with your memory of events, or make you question your feelings. They may even make you feel guilty for questioning their motives. Eventually, all this confusion can deteriorate your self-confidence and hurt your mental health. The situation just helps your abusive partner gain more control over you. If you are a victim of this form of abuse, start keeping a record of events to refer to later. And reach out for help. You can always ask for help at the Domestic Violence Support Hotline.

Healing After Emotional Abuse: Focus on Yourself

If you’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship, you are probably feeling confused and hurt. Healing after emotional abuse requires you to focus on yourself. Keeping a journal can help you separate fact from fiction. Don’t engage with your abuser any longer. Asking for help from a friend or person you trust is important as well. And finally, take time for yourself and do something that makes you happy. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find your self-worth and move on to a happier relationship.

Healing After Emotional Abuse: Focus on Yourself and Move On

Journal

One of the main goals of emotional abusers is to try and distort your view of reality. Healing from emotional abuse requires you to sort out fact and fiction. It also means that you’ll need to gain some perspective on the situation. Write down your experiences in a journal or diary. Later, you can read the entries when you are doubting yourself. Hopefully seeing things written down can help you get some distance from the situation. Therefore, you’ll be able to see the whole situation more clearly.

Don’t Engage

Healing from emotional abuse is easier if you can sever ties completely with the person hurting you. However, if you are in a situation where you must see them, try not to engage. If they begin using hurtful language or trying to belittle you, stop them in their tracks. Simply say that if they say anything unkind, you’ll walk away. Then stick to your word. Don’t argue, just leave the situation.

Ask For Help

Ask for help if you are healing from emotional abuse. Go to a close friend or somebody that you trust. Explain the situation to them and ask for help. For example, if you need to coordinate things with your ex, they can help. You can also get help from a professional. Therapy can help you find your self-confidence again. It can also help you gain some perspective on the situation. Some therapists are offering virtual sessions.

Take Time for Yourself

The single most rewarding thing you can do for yourself when healing from emotional abuse is to take some “me” time. Find a hobby or new passion that makes you feel happy. Or explore a talent that makes you feel proud of yourself. Taking time for yourself doesn’t have to be expensive. For example, it might just mean a long bath. Or a few minutes of focused yoga. However you choose to do it, just take a few minutes to do something that makes you feel happy.

Emotional abuse can be very hard to overcome. This is because it distorts your perception of reality and can cause distress even years later. Healing from emotional abuse requires focus and self-reflection. Take time to journal your feelings and experience. Refuse to engage any longer with your abuser. Ask for help either from a friend or professional. And finally, take time to focus on yourself. Hopefully, you can use these suggestions to move forward with your life. That way, you’ll be able to move on to a relationship that lets you know your self-worth.

Divorce Truths: What You Should Know

Divorce is a difficult situation to be in. After all, divorce isn’t something that couples imagine happening when they get married. However, if you do, there are some divorce truths you need to keep in mind. Doing so can help make the process a bit more manageable…

Divorce Truths: What You Should Know

It’s rarely one person’s fault

One common issue which pops up during divorce is the blame game. Each spouse likes to place the blame for the divorce solely on the shoulders of their ex. What this leads to is a lot of hostility and tension throughout the entire divorce, making things much more difficult.

However, one divorce truth you need to keep in mind is that divorce is rarely one person’s fault. Divorce can happen for many reasons. However, the majority of them are due to actions performed by both partners. If you can understand this truth, then you can better accept your divorce, and learn some lessons from it.

Divorce takes time

Another divorce truth to understand is just how long divorcing can take. For starters, there’s the actual process itself. You’ll have to get documents together, handle court dates and negotiations with your ex, and many other similar things. This will take some time to get through, even for the most amicable divorces.

Plus, with how important divorce is, you don’t want to just rush through it. Like anything in life, rushing through divorce increases the chances of you making mistakes. With how important these decisions are, the last thing you want to do is make a mistake which could’ve been avoided.

You need to take care of yourself

One divorce truth that people don’t remember enough is how necessary it is to take care of one’s self. Divorce can be a time of great stress in a person’s life. This stress, along with other divorce emotions like depression, can take a serious toll on your health.

As a result, it’s important to keep an eye on your well-being. Make sure you’re eating right and getting enough sleep each night. If you need some extra help, make sure to visit a doctor or even a therapist to help you get a handle on things.

Post-Divorce Counselor: Find Your Fit

Seeking out therapy during your divorce can be very beneficial. However, you might also want to consider making use of a post-divorce counselor. Finding the right one for you can seem like a challenge. Still, there are some ways to find one which will work with you the best…

Post-Divorce Counselor: Find Your Fit

Consider their perspectives

The thing about counseling and therapy is that there’s actually many different methods out there. Different counselors might use different styles. Some of these styles might appeal to you more than others. Therefore, consider what methods a post-divorce counselor makes use of.

For instance, some will work on changing your thoughts to help change your actions. Others might ask questions, and help develop a goal for change based on your responses. Depending on which one you feel is best, some counselors might be a better fit than others.

What is their schedule?

You also have to consider accessibility when looking for a post-divorce counselor. Availability can vary from one counselor to the next. Combine this with fitting them around a work schedule, and it’s important to see which ones would work the best for when you’re free.

Still, don’t just factor in the days and hours that they’re open alone. Remember to consider things like distance as well. Having to make long drives can be costly gas-wise, and make you not want to constantly go. A more nearby counselor, on the other hand, is easier to stick with.

Do you feel comfortable

The most important thing about a post-divorce counselor is that you feel comfortable with them. Do you feel like they listen to you, and that you get along well with them? If you don’t, you might not get the kind of help from them that you’re expecting. This can make you feel like you’re wasting your time, and your money.

Don’t be afraid to raise these concerns to your counselor. Odds are they’ll do better to help you feel more comfortable with them. However, if you still don’t, there’s nothing wrong with trying out a new counselor. It can feel a bit tedious, but finally finding one who fits makes it all worth it.

Healthy Eating Post-Divorce

It’s important to make sure you keep healthy after your divorce ends. One way you can do this is by practicing some healthy eating post-divorce. Still, it isn’t always easy. That’s why it’s good to know some helpful ways to stick to your eating goals…

Healthy Eating Post-Divorce: Adjust Your Diet

Picking a diet

Most people try to look for a diet when they want to do some healthy eating post-divorce. However, it’s important that you find one which fits your needs. Different diets can help with different things. For instance, one diet may help with weight loss, whereas another may be good if you want to add some muscle.

Also, be wary of any “fad” diets. Many times, these wont’ give you the results you expect. They could also be unhealthy in general! Therefore, just be sure you always do a good amount of research into whatever diets you’re looking at.

When you’re undereating

It isn’t uncommon for recently divorced people to lack an appetite. This can cause them to not eat as much as they should. Not only can this lead to a loss of energy, it can even make you rapidly lose an unhealthy amount of weight.

While it can be hard to find the motivation to do healthy eating post-divorce, you still need to make sure you get those important nutrients. You could try to make things such as protein shakes or smoothies. These will be both easier to make and eat than other meals. The same goes for soups and salads. Once you get back on track, you’ll find that your appetite will probably soon come back!

When you’re overeating

Binge eating is also pretty common after a divorce. In order to deal with the stress and anxiety, many people turn to comfort foods. While they’ll feel better when eating, most of these foods tend to be unhealthy. As a result, you may find yourself gaining weight in the process.

The best way to stick to healthy eating post-divorce is to get rid of the temptation. Clear out all of that unhealthy food from your house. Then, stick to good, healthy foods, especially those which can be filling in smaller amounts. Soon, you’ll find that your eating habits will get back to more-healthy levels.

How-to Manage a School Year Divorce

Getting a divorce at any time can be quite rough. However, pulling off a school year divorce can be especially tough. Therefore, it’s useful to know what you can do to help make the process easier for everyone in your family…

How-to Manage a School Year Divorce: Reducing Stress

Talk to your kids

When you begin a school year divorce, it’s important you talk to your kids. Divorce can shake them up quite a bit. Having to juggle new school demands alongside that can make things even more rough. This year, there’s also the unique challenges that Covid-19 might present too.

That’s why talking to your kids will be helpful. Here, you can get to better explain what’s going on and reiterate that you’ll support them no matter what. You should also let them know that they can come to you and talk about anything that’s bothering them, school-related or not. That way, they don’t feel like they need to keep their feelings bottled up.

Set up a good routine

A good routine is especially important for your kids when you’re doing a school year divorce. A consistent schedule will help provide some much-needed stability for them. At the same time, it also allows for you to have something to schedule your divorce matters around. This can help ensure that the divorce proceedings won’t interfere too much with your kid’s school schedule.

Don’t forget to include their other parent in this schedule as well. After all, it’s important that they get to see them and spend some time with them. Some parents like to set up having alternating days. One parent will pick the kids up, take them home, and drop them off next morning. Then, the other parent will do the same, helping to keep the time equal.

Reach out to their teachers

Even with your help, a school year divorce can inadvertently impact how your kids do in school. Sometimes, it may be hard for them to focus as they think about the divorce. Other times, they may just lose their motivation to finish any assignments. A good way to get ahead of this is by reaching out to their teachers.

By letting their teachers know what’s going on at home, they can better help your kids in the classroom. After all, their teachers want to help the succeed too. You don’t have to go into a lot of details about your divorce either. Just mentioning it can be enough for their teachers to understand and better work with your kids.

How-to Decide How to Spend the Holidays Mid-Divorce

Making holiday plans can be really tricky and stressful. Then throw a divorce in the mix, and the decisions get far more complicated. Do you celebrate the holidays together as a family, or do you spend them separately and start your own new traditions? This is an especially difficult decision when kids are in the picture. Every situation and family dynamics will be different, so there is no cookie cutter answer. However, by thinking through these tips, you will be able to decide how to spend the holidays mid-divorce.

How-to Decide How to Spend the Holidays Mid-Divorce: Together or Apart

Together

Sharing the holidays as an entire family is ideal. Keeping the same routine and traditions could make these transitions a bit easier. However, that is not possible for many parents during a divorce. Deciding if you should spend the holidays together as a family while going through a divorce really comes down to several factors. Tensions can really flare up from built-up frustrations and the stress of the holidays mid-divorce. Honestly ask yourself if you are you able to get along with your spouse in a civil manner. You do not want there to be an explosion of anger and hurt to ruin the holiday celebrations. This is especially not fair for your kids, who will already be struggling with the divorce. If you feel like this may be a problem, consider talking to a councilor or spending the holidays separately.

Split

When deciding how to spend the holidays mid-divorce, some families may opt for a split set up. This may work best if one or both parents have a new significant other. Other reasons could be that tensions are high between parents, or they do not live nearby one another. While things will feel different than before, you will be able to create your own new holiday traditions. However, don’t forget to consider what is best for your kids too.

With this arrangement, one parent may get the kids during one part of the day to celebrate, and then swap later in the day. This could also be done on as an alternation between who gets Christmas Eve and who gets Christmas Day every year. Sometimes parents live far apart and it is not possible to easily switch within a day during the holidays. In these situations, it is possible to do alternating years for which parents get the kids during the holidays. The set up you make during the divorce could even continue after the divorce is finalized if the situation worked for you.

Divorce Parties: A Growing Trend

When someone is divorcing, we figure that their reactions won’t be that positive. After all, emotions like grief and bitterness are pretty common for divorce. However, divorce parties have actually become a growing trend. There’s a few reasons as to why this is…

Divorce Parties: A Growing Trend

What they are

A divorce party sounds like a pretty contradictory event. After all, how can one really celebrate something that’s usually sad like divorce? It’s for that exact reason why people like to have these parties. For them, it’s a way to celebrate that their unhappy marriage is over, and their new, happier life has begun.

Plus, “party” can be a bit of a misleading word choice. These events can be anything that the divorcing person wants them to be. For instance, this could include throwing a big party and inviting a lot of their friends. However, it could also include a small, more reserved event with only a few people.

Why throw one?

Divorce parties can seem a bit in poor taste. This is especially true if you had a smooth or mutually-agreed upon divorce. However, these parties are usually more for those coming out of unhealthy marriages or difficult divorces. These parties can be a nice way for them to start feeling like themselves again.

These parties can also mark the start of a person’s new post-divorce life. What better way to kick things off than with a nice celebration? Getting things going on a positive note can help one carry that energy further into their new lifestyle.

Things to remember

If divorce parties sound like something you might be interested it, it helps to keep a few things in mind. First of all, don’t tell your ex about your plans. Doing so can really hurt your potential post-divorce relationship, especially if you have to co-parent. Keep things between you and those you’re inviting.

In the same vein, you might also want to avoid social media posts about your party. It can be tempting, especially if you see other people do so. However, it can be an easy way for your ex to see it too, or cause some drama.

Offering Support: Help A Divorcing Friend

Having a strong support network can really help with making a divorce more manageable. However, what about when a friend of yours is divorcing? Many people like offering support, but are unsure of the best way to truly help. However, there are many ways for you to support your friend during these times…

Offering Support: Help A Divorcing Friend

Provide empathy

When you first start offering support, it helps to be empathetic. Your friend doesn’t need to hear anything like “I told you so”. Odds are they’re already beating themselves up as it it. Having someone they see as a friend jump in on the dog-pile will only make them feel worse.

Instead, just try to listen to your friend and provide some empathy for how they feel. Try to avoid making assumptions about how you might handle the situation or how to “fix” things. Many times, people want to fix other’s problems when they really can’t. Sometimes, all your friend needs is someone to listen to them.

Offer the right kind of help

When it comes to offering support, you want to offer the right kind of support. This should be help which makes your friend’s life just a bit easier. For example, if they have kids, maybe you can offer some help watching them if they have to do something. Little things like that go a long way in helping them out.

However, make sure that you don’t offer them any advice which could come back to hurt them. Don’t encourage them to get “back” at their ex, or something along those lines. That will only make your friends situation harder than it needs to be.

Remember to still include them

When you’re offering support, remember that your friend is still, well, your friend! You shouldn’t try treating them like they’re a totally new person just because they’re going through a divorce. Sometimes, your friend will just need to get away from everything, and that’s where you can help.

Make sure to still include your friend when you can. Invite them to go out, offer to do things with them, or just take some time to hang out. Doing so can help your friend take their mind off the divorce, and feel a bit “normal” again.

Post-Divorce Wardrobe

Divorce can be a very painful experience, and make you feel like you have to start over from scratch. However, you can take this feeling and turn it into something positive by re-inventing your new post-divorce life. One way to do this is through your post-divorce wardrobe. Now is the time to find a style to really call your own…

Post-Divorce Wardrobe

Figure out your style

The first part of starting your post-divorce wardrobe is figuring out your style. When you’re married, and dealing with the average day-to-day routine, it can be hard to spend the time perfecting your style. However, now that your divorce is over, this is the perfect opportunity to find the clothes that really match you.

Try to figure out what kind of clothes, colors, or brands you like versus the ones you don’t. Then, think about how you’d like those clothes to go together, and soon you’ll find your own style. It may take some trial and error, but it’ll be worth it in the end.

Make room for the new stuff

Once you know what your style is, it’s time to make some room for your post-divorce wardrobe. That means going through the clothes you have and deciding what matches your style, and what doesn’t. While you can keep the things you like or match your style, it’s time to get rid of the rest.

A good time to do this is if you plan on moving after your divorce. That way, not only will it make your move easier, but you can go into your new home or apartment with only what you need for your new life. As for your old clothes, you have a few options. You can trash them, try to sell them for a bit of extra cash, or you can donate them for others to wear.

Shop responsibly

Once you’ve got your style down and made space, it can be tempting to go all-out on your post-divorce wardrobe. However, it’s important to do your shopping responsibly. After all, the time after your divorce can be pretty rough on your wallet.

When you do go clothes shopping, keep a budget in mind and stick to it. You don’t want to go overboard and end up with some buyer’s regret. Also, keep an eye out for any sales or special discount events, and plan your shopping around that to get the best deals.