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Category: marriage

Overcoming Resentment in a Marriage

Overcoming resentment in a marriage can be easier said than done. There are many reasons why emotions like this can build up between two partners. From the stress of managing a household together, to raising children, splitting up obligations, financial stress, or overcoming hurdles in the relationship, it’s not uncommon for one partner to feel as though they are putting in more effort. And when those feelings go unchecked, it can lead to deep feelings of resentment.

If you are feeling this way, it’s important to really examine what you want to get out of the marriage. Is it a relationship worth saving? Or would you be happier if you ended the marriage and moved forward with divorce? If you are determined to overcome your resentment and rebuild your relationship, it’s helpful to determine the root cause of your feelings. Then, you’ll need to talk about it with your spouse. Sometimes therapy can be very helpful in navigating tricky situations like this. Finally, you’l need to establish some boundaries to avoid letting resentment build up again in the future. Hopefully, you can work together to make your marriage stronger.

Overcoming Resentment in a Marriage: Moving Forward

What Future Do You Want?

Sometimes, the important question to ask yourself is whether or not the marriage is worth saving. Overcoming resentment is very possible, but it takes work on both sides of the partnership. It’s important to really give thought to what you want your future to look like, and whether your marriage will allow you to have that future. There are plenty of couples who find that they are no longer compatible, and decide to move forward with an amicable divorce.

Find the Root Cause

If you are determined to overcome the resentment and make your marriage stronger, it can be helpful to identify the root cause of your feelings. For many people, it’s a perceived imbalance when it comes to the relationship. For example, if you feel that you put more effort into your marriage than your partner. Or if you feel that you are doing more of the parenting, chores, household management, financial earning, or caregiving for aging parents. While it’s normal to have a give and take with your partner, in the end you should feel that you both contribute equally to your family’s happiness. Figuring out where the resentment is coming from can help you move forward with addressing it.

Talk About It

When overcoming resentment in a marriage, you’ll need to have an open and honest conversation with your spouse. It’s important to start the conversation when you both are relaxed, rather than when you’re already in a disagreement. Therapy can be a great place to bring up something like this. Marriage counseling can be hugely beneficial for helping you work through emotions like this, and making sure that both partners feel heard.

Prevention

Finally, when overcoming resentment in a marriage, it’s important to put boundaries in place so that you don’t experience these same feelings building again. It can be helpful to list out responsibilities that you have as a couple and split them up equally between you. It’s also helpful to establish a policy of open communication with one another. Pushing aside these kinds of emotions can just wind up making them even stronger. Instead, when you feel there is an imbalance, address it right away so that you can both work through it together.

Life is incredibly stressful for everybody. We all live busy lives and when you add in the complications of working a job, raising children, maintaining a household, or overcoming obstacles in your marriage, it can make things feel even more stressful. And when one partner feels like they are doing more of the emotional, physical, or financial labor of a marriage, it’s easy for feelings of resentment to begin to form.

Overcoming resentment in a marriage is not an easy task, but it’s important if you’re going to be able to move forward and be happy with your spouse. So think about the future you want and decide if your spouse is the person you want to share it with. If they are, you and them will need to do the work. Try to identify the root cause of your feelings, and start an open dialogue with your partner. Going to marriage counseling can be hugely beneficial when working through difficult relationship issues like this. Finally, put in place boundaries so that you can avoid these types of feelings from growing out of control in the future. Hopefully, you can both decide to work together to address any negative emotions..

Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

The signs of an emotionally abusive relationship can be very subtle and difficult to spot. It’s possible to be in an abusive relationship and not even realize it. Hopefully, knowing how to spot signs of abuse early can help you get the help you need. Knowing the goal of an abuser is helpful. Firstly, they want to tear you down and take away your self-confidence. After that, they want to try and control you. And finally, they do their best to isolate you from friends and family. Knowing what to look for might help you spot an abuser.

Signs of an Emotionally Abuse Relationship: Know What to Look For

Tearing You Down

One of the main signs of an emotionally abusive relationship is a partner who insults or tears you down. An emotional abuser’s goal is to make you feel weak and worthless. By doing this, it can be easier for them to control you and make you revolve your life around them. By insulting you or making your feel stupid, they can achieve this goal more easily. Look out for your partner always tearing you down, criticizing you, or flat out insulting you. If they call you overly sensitive or try to distort your views of reality, you might be dealing with emotional abuse. Similarly, if they refuse to listen to your opinions or dismiss your feelings outright, it can be a red flag.

Controlling You

The ultimate end goal of an abuser is to control you. So another of the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship would be a partner who tries to control what you do but also how you feel. If your partner asks where you are constantly or wants to know all of your plans, it could be a warning sign. Healthy relationships are built on trust, so if you feel like you need permission to do things and have to let your partner know your every move, it could be emotional abuse. Similarly, if your partner tracks you with your phone or social media, it’s a warning sign. You should also mutually agree on financial decisions too.

Isolation

A major one of the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship is your partner making you feel isolated. They may criticize you or make you feel embarrassed about your feelings. This is so you’ll be too ashamed to seek help. They may also manipulate you into spending all your time with them. Or making your life and priorities revolve around them. If your partner insults your family or friends and makes you feel guilty for spending time alone or with others, it could be a red flag.

Hopefully, knowing the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship can help you spot warning signs if your partner is abusive. If you feel that they tear you down, control you, or try to isolate you, you might want to really take a look at your relationship. If you do find that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, reach out to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline for support. Hopefully, they can assist you in getting the help you need.

Talking About Money with Your Spouse

Talking about money can be an awkward conversation for many people. Many are brought up not to discuss finances with anybody, even their spouse. However, finances are one of the main sources of stress in a marriage. You and your spouse must be able to have healthy discussions about money. It’s not a good idea to have one spouse handle all the finances in a relationship. It should be a group effort between the two of you so that you both have a say in things. Choose the right moments to talk about money, plan them. And continue to have them throughout your marriage. Money will always be a part of your life, so keep the conversation going. And make sure that both you and your spouse can be honest with each other about mistakes. Having a healthy relationship with finances will strengthen your marriage.

Talking About Money with Your Spouse: Having the Awkward Conversation

Do I have to?

Talking about money with your spouse is very important and a necessary part of any marriage. Finances are one of the main sources of stress in relationships and are often cited as a reason for divorce. Both spouses must have a say in their spending habits. It’s also important that both spouses are aware of your overall financial health in the relationship. Many times, people are blind-sided about the state of their finances if they haven’t been having conversations throughout their marriage about money. Being unaware of your financial situation and trusting your partner with money can leave you vulnerable and ill-prepared if something changes in your marriage.

Choose the Right Moment

Talking about money should be an ongoing discussion in your marriage. However, it’s important to pick the right time to talk about money. It’s a great idea to schedule a time to talk about money together. For example, plan a meal one night where you’ll check in with each other and discuss financial goals. Make sure to have financial conversations when you’re both calm. For instance, it’s not a great idea to bring up money when you’re in the middle of a fight.

Make it an Ongoing Discussion

While you should be careful about picking the right time for talking about money, it should be an ongoing discussion in your marriage. Money is something that will always be a part of your life, and it’s easy to get into troublesome spending habits. One way to prevent this is to make sure that you are frequently checking in with one another. Your relationship will change, and your financial goals likely will as well.

Be Honest About Mistakes

Finally, when talking about money with your spouse, it’s important, to be honest with one another. Hiding debt or financial troubles can lead you down a dangerous path in marriage. You both will likely go off-track with spending once in a while and that’s perfectly normal. However, it’s important to be honest so that you and your partner can work together to get back on track.

Talking about money can be a tricky situation for a lot of people. However, it’s incredibly important in a marriage because finances play such an important role in your overall life. Both partners should be very aware of the financial health of the relationship, and you should work together to create financial goals. Make time in your schedule to discuss your money, and make sure that you keep the discussion going throughout your marriage. Finally, be open and honest about any financial concerns or mistakes. You and your partner need to be on the same page with spending. Having a healthy relationship with finances can increase the strength of your marriage and smooth out a lot of marital stress. Whether you have plenty of money or are struggling financially, it’s important to handle it as a team.

The Weapon of the Emotional Abuser: Gaslighting

A phrase that has gained popularity in recent years is “Gaslighting.” Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse because it skews the balance of power in a relationship and makes the victim question their reality. There are many different ways that an abuser can gaslight their partner, and the effects can be huge. Often, victims have a hard time overcoming their emotional abuse, and it takes a long time to trust again. The best way to respond to gaslighting is to keep a record of everything so that you can view the events later with clear eyes. Gaslighting can have a huge impact on emotional and mental well-being, so it’s important to address it.

The Weapon of the Emotional Abuser: What is Gaslighting?

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where a person makes the victim question their perception of reality. A victim of gaslighting will feel confused and question their own reality. They may also question their own feelings about events and wonder if they are over-reacting in situations. This can cause significant anxiety and eventually hurt a person’s mental health. The term comes from a 1938 play called Gas Light where a husband keeps dimming the gas-powered lights in a home and disagrees with his wife when she points it out. Gaslighting can make a victim unable to trust their own instincts and feelings. It is a classic weapon of emotional abusers.

Effects of Gaslighting?

The main effect of gaslighting is that the victim begins to mistrust their own feelings. They question their reality, and ultimately this gives the abuser more power. If a victim feels unable to trust their own instincts, they’re more likely to stay in a relationship with their emotional abuser. They’ll also be afraid to reach out to others for help because they wonder if they’re being too sensitive. If a victim doesn’t reach out to friends or family, then it’s less likely that somebody will spot the other red flags in their relationship.

How to Respond to Gaslighting

The first thing to do if you suspect your partner is gaslighting you is to keep a record of things. Start a journal or diary of your day to day conversations and when you feel like your feelings are being dismissed or questioned. Hopefully, you’ll be able to gain some perspective by viewing the conversations later on. Collect evidence that supports the version of events that you remember, even if your partner insists that you are incorrect. You can also speak with a friend or somebody you trust to see if they notice red flags. This is another way to collect evidence that you can refer back to later. It’s important to address gaslighting because it can have such a harmful effect on your mental health.

Gaslighting is a common form of emotional abuse. If your partner is gaslighting you, they may argue with your memory of events, or make you question your feelings. They may even make you feel guilty for questioning their motives. Eventually, all this confusion can deteriorate your self-confidence and hurt your mental health. The situation just helps your abusive partner gain more control over you. If you are a victim of this form of abuse, start keeping a record of events to refer to later. And reach out for help. You can always ask for help at the Domestic Violence Support Hotline.

Teen Marriages: Why Marrying Young Can Be Challenging

Teen marriages are not very common, however they do still happen sometimes. Even if you are not in your teens marrying earlier in life can come with many challenges. Oftentimes, high school sweetheart couples or couples that married very young end up growing apart from one another. It’s also normal to have your values change during your young adult life, so your and your partner’s goals for the future might not align any longer. And of course, sometimes as people age, they desire to explore new relationships or have more freedom. If you are married young and are unhappy in your relationship, it might be time to consider a divorce. There is nothing wrong or stigmatizing with prioritizing your happiness. Even if the divorce process can be stressful and tiring, hopefully, you can move forward with the decision that is right for you.

Teen Marriages: Why Marrying Young Can Be Challenging and How to Start the Divorce Process

Normal to Grow Apart

Teen marriages can often lead to divorce fairly young as well. This is because you do a lot of growing and maturing in your early adult years. When teenagers marry while they are still young, they haven’t experienced much of the world yet. When they move on from high school and college, they might realize that their personalities have matured and changed a lot over the years. This can lead to disagreements and resentment eventually. Especially if you no longer share the same values.

Differing Goals

It’s also normal for teen marriages to end because the couples have different goals from one another.

People commonly change their career aspirations and plans for life as they get older. It’s unlikely that you want all the same things that you wanted when you were eighteen years old. So when you get married at that age, you might have had similar goals and paths in life. As you get older, it’s not uncommon for these goals to change and no longer align with one another.

Desire For Freedom

Finally, it’s also very common for people who married young to grow apart because of a desire for freedom and exploration. Your early adult years are a great time to date around and get to know different personality types. Dating different people can help you get an idea of what you ultimately need from a partner. If you are married young, you don’t get the chance to experience any other types of relationships. It’s normal to have some curiosity and feel as if you might have missed out on some important life experiences.

Starting the Divorce Conversation

Teen marriages come with their specific challenges. If you and your partner are growing apart and are no longer happy, it might be time to discuss divorce. There is nothing wrong with choosing to end a marriage if you know that you and your partner are not making each other as happy as you could be. Find a time to sit down with your spouse where you won’t be interrupted for a while. Have a plan for what you’d like to say, and give them plenty of time to react to the conversation. Hopefully, you both will be in agreement on what direction you need to go.

Teen marriages come with their unique difficulties. Even if you married early in your twenties, you might experience some ups and downs as you both continue to age and mature. It’s normal to have a lot of growth and changes during your young adult life. So marrying somebody when you’re eighteen or nineteen might mean that later on you realize that you’re no longer compatible. It’s normal to change your goals in life, your career path, and your priorities as you enter adulthood.

If you and your partner both go through changes, you might find that you are drifting apart. Or even that resentment is building up between you. You might also feel a desire to explore other relationships since you didn’t get the chance while you were younger. Starting the divorce conversation can be scary and painful, but it might be the best thing for you both. Filing for divorce can give you a fresh start and allow you to find somebody who will make you happier.

Finding Support Post-Divorce

As long as there is marriage, there will be divorce. No one is safe from divorce, and no marriage is divorce-proof. It’s important to understand that no one has to go through divorce alone. If you are facing divorce or you and your partner are considering it, know that finding support for yourself is important and a key ingredient to getting through this. Support can be found in odd places.

Finding Support: Support Systems Post-Divorce

Family

In some cases, family is the last people you want in your business. While this is understandable, know that family (siblings, cousins, parents) know you best. They know your quirks and ticks, but most importantly: they understand you. This understanding will go a long way in finding support within these family members. 

Friends

Some friends will know both you and your partner, so they will have a neutral viewpoint on the situation. Sometimes, hearing an outsider’s views or thoughts will put things in a new perspective for you. Finding support within your friends will aid in maintaining your lifestyle after a divorce.

Support Groups

Support groups might sound cheesy. They might seem full of coffee and doughnuts and people who just don’t get you. However, support groups are a great place for finding support. In many cases, people in support groups are just like you. Afraid, confused, and full of emotions. Allowing yourself to open up to people in support groups will help you understand you are not alone.

Professional Help

Sometimes, a friend isn’t what you need. In certain cases, you might consider seeking the help of a therapist or psychiatrist. It might be difficult to ask for help, and these professionals understand that. Finding support within a professional setting will make sure you are doing what’s best mentally and emotionally for you and your family.

Additionally, keep in mind that while most people want to help naturally, others are nothing more than curious. Know that you should not share all aspects of your divorce with just anyone.

Lastly, finding support can come easy, just make sure you are finding it within the right people.

Classic Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Classic signs of a toxic relationship can indicate physical abuse or emotional abuse. There are many ways that a relationship can be toxic but there are red flags to look out for. First, any sort of physical abuse is a clear indicator that your partner is toxic. A controlling or isolating relationship is also a sign of abuse. Gaslighting is a clear signal and form of psychological abuse. And finally, verbal abuse is of course toxic as well. If you see any signs of these types of behavior, it might be time to really examine your relationship and see if it has a future.

Classic Signs of a Toxic Relationship: Am I In One?

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is the most obvious of the classic signs of a toxic relationship. Nobody, man or woman, should ever be violent with their partner. If your partner gets physical with you, it’s a dangerous warning sign. Physical abusers often follow their violence with apologies. However, the abuse is likely to continue. If your partner is abusive, contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline for help in getting out of the relationship safely.

Controlling/Isolating

Another of the classic signs of a toxic relationship is one that is very controlling. If you feel that your partner makes all of the decisions in your relationship, they might be too controlling. In addition, controlling partners often want to isolate their victims. For example, they may make their partners feel guilty for wanting alone time. Or for having close relationships with other friends and family. Look out if you feel that your personal relationships have really been declining because of a new partner. It could be because they are trying to control and isolate you.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is one of the lesser-known signs of a toxic relationship. However, it is a form of psychological abuse. This happens when your partner tries to make you believe something other than the truth. Or they may have you doubting your own feelings. A classic type of gaslighting is when somebody tries to make you feel overly emotional or crazy. They may make you question your actions, memories, or even your sanity.

Verbally Abusive

One final example of the classic signs of a toxic relationship is verbal abuse. Any partner that attacks you verbally does not deserve to be with you. Partners should not insult, belittle. or name call. In addition, if your partner frequently yells at you, this is a form of verbal abuse. Often, verbally abusive partners treat their victims very differently alone than they do when others are around. A verbally abusive relationship can have a lot of negative effects on your mental health, so it’s best to leave it as soon as possible.

Signs of a toxic relationship can be obvious but can also be subtle. In addition, there are many different types of toxic relationships. If your partner is physically abusive, you need to seek help immediately to get out of the relationship safely. If your partner is overly controlling or makes you feel isolated from friends and family, it can definitely be a red flag. In addition, a partner who gaslights you is showing signs of psychological abuse. And finally, name-calling and other forms of verbal abuse are dangerous to your mental well-being. If you see any of these signs in your partner, it might be time to take a closer look at your relationship. You deserve to be with a partner who respects you and wants to build you up. Not tear you down. If you need help leaving an abusive relationship, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Trust Issues: Frequent Signs

Trust issues can be a big reason as to why a couple may get a divorce. Still, not many people are aware of what these issues may look like. Having a better understanding of these signs can be handy for spotting and avoiding them in the future…

Trust Issues: Figure Them Out

Anticipating betrayal

One usual sign of trust issues are when you or your partner expect some kind of betrayal. Now, if you were dealing with someone who has a track record of lying, this would make sense. However, odds are your relationship doesn’t have this. Despite this, you may still expect one day to find your spouse is lying or cheating.

Even if they have shown no indication of this, you still plan for it nonetheless. For some, this is because of trust violation in the past. The thing is, all relationships are different. You have to be willing to give a fair chance to your partner.

Trusting too quickly

On the other side of trust issues are problems trusting too quickly. If you don’t have a lot of experience with building relationships based on trust, then you could offer a lot of trust to those who haven’t given you a reason to. It could be that you end up placing a lot of trust in someone you’ve known for a short time.

Trust, much like with respect, has to be earned. You need to be able to see and get a feeling for someone in order to be able to trust them. It’s good to approach any potential new friend or partner with an open mind, extending trust to them as you build a repertoire.

Mistakes are blown up

Blowing up mistakes into apparently massive issues are another example of trust issues. Everyone is going to mistakes, especially in relationships. Some will be pretty minor and not worth sweating. Yet, if you have issues with trust, you could potentially see them as part of a bigger issue.

Maybe your partner is running a bit late, or isn’t able to answer your calls. If you have problems trusting, then you may view this as them hiding something from you or hating you. In reality, they aren’t big deals, and you have to view them from the right mindset.

Balancing Time: Being Together Vs. Alone

Like many things in life, a good relationship will require balancing time. However, many couples struggle to find a good balance of time spent together and time spent alone. Figuring out a good mix can help avoid some potential issues a poor balance can bring…

Balancing Time: Find Some Middle Ground

Time together

The first aspect of balancing time is the time you spend together as a couple. It’s ideal that a couple will like spending time with each other. Additionally, while this time can be spent in many ways, the key thing is you enjoy being with your partner. Whether you’re out doing something or just relaxing at home, you’ll still value each other’s company.

Still, too much time together can potentially be bad. Even the most-inseparable couples need some space away from each other from time to time. If you don’t have that time, you’ll find you and your partner will begin to get irritated, even if you can’t tell why at first. Eventually, you won’t want to spend any time with them if you can help it.

Time apart

This is where time apart comes into the balancing time mix. This will be time you spend doing things without your partner being there. Many people spend this time being with friends or family. Still, you can also spend this time by yourself, either doing a hobby or just relaxing.

Of course, too much time apart can also be an issue. Not being with your partner can cause them to think you don’t care about them or love them. Over time, this can result in trust issues to develop. These issues can get to the point where your relationship is unable to recover.

Strike your balance

Balancing time is something every couple has to try and figure out. As every couple is a bit different, this balance will look different from one to another. Plus, it might take some experimentation before you find the balance which works for you.

The important thing is you and your partner work together to find this perfect balance. Talk to each other and figure out some ways to really enjoy your time together. Then, also discuss when and why you may want some time apart. Being on the same page will go a long way in avoiding potential problems.

Who Needs a Will? When do I Need a Will?

Knowing who needs a will and when you should create a will is an important step in preparing for you future. A will is a legal document that spells out what will happen to your assets if you die. It also lays out who will be in charge of managing your assets. If you are married, you should create a will. If you have any children, you’ll want to create a will for their benefit. And anybody with positive assets should have a will in place. Having an experienced attorney guide you through the process of creating a will should give you peace of mind about your loved ones after you pass.

Who Needs a Will? When do I Need a Will?

Married

If you are married, then you’re someone who needs a will. When you die without a will, your assets would likely pass to your spouse, but it’s not a guarantee. Therefore, a will can ensure that your spouse receives your assets if that is what you wish. If there is anybody else that you want to give some assets to, this would be included in your will.

Children

Parents definitely fall into the category of people who need a will in place. In general, children inherit after your spouse has also died. So if you’d rather they inherit assets differently, you’ll need to spell that out. You can choose how to divide assets and property among your children however you’d like. In addition, a will lays out who the executor of your estate will be. It will also designate guardians for your children. This is obviously a huge part of why you need a will. The guardian will be in charge of raising your children after your passing. You’ll need to update your will if you have more children, or if anything changes with your guardianship plans.

Positive Assets

Finally, the question of who needs a will also depends on your assets and debt. If you have positive assets, you’ll want to create a will. Having positive assets means that your assets are greater than your debts. Therefore, if you’ve made and saved a lot of money and it exceeds any debts then you’ll want to designate what happens to it. Similarly, if you’ve inherited large sums of money or property, you’ll need to spell out what should be done in the event of your death.

If you’ve been wondering who needs a will, the answer really depends on whether or not it’s important to you to designate what happens to your assets or property after you die. For example, if you’re married and want to make absolutely sure your spouse inherits, or want to prevent that for any reason. If you have children, a will is important so that you can designate how they inherit assets and property from you. It also will spell out who should care for them after you die. And finally, if you’ve managed to save a bigger sum of money than your debts, you’ll want to designate who it goes to. By creating a will, you’ll be able to take care of loved ones even after you pass away.