Category: marriage

How-to Remove Social Media From Your Marriage

Social media can ruin a perfectly good relationship. It can make people grow distant, change people’s attitudes and even open up the possibility for cheating. In order to keep yourself from getting into an unhappy marriage, you may need to remove social media from your marriage.

How-to Remove Social Media From Your Marriage: Relationship Building

Distraction

It is not a secret that social media can be a major distraction. Many people get buried in their phones and ignore everything else going on around them. If you start tuning out our spouse or even your children, you could be damaging those relationships. Make an effort to be present and stop paying so much attention to your phone. Stop scrolling and start participating in the lives of those around you.

There are different apps that will help limit or cut off your screen time. For example, Apple has a screen time feature that will allow you to set limits and remind you when you are over your limits. Other programs may block you off of the app all together for that period of time. Also, find someone to hold you accountable and do not get upset when they call you out on your screen time usage.

Compare Lives

Social media can make you feel miserable. When you are only spending time viewing everyone else’s highlight reels, you may start to think that your own life is not interesting or good enough. Studies have found a link between social media and depression. Eventually, this could affect your marriage. Additionally, if you are always comparing your life with others, this will take a toll on your own marriage too.

If this sounds like the path you are on, you may need to take a break from social media all together. For instance, delete the apps, or change your password to something difficult and hide the key. A social media detox can help you get back focusing on your own life.

Other Relationships

If you are always looking at other people’s highlight reals and curated, filtered pictures, you could end up becoming interested in someone else. However, depending on how far you let this go, you could jeopardize your marriage. Remember that in real life, people do not walk around with photoshopping and filters on them. Your spouse is a real person, and you cannot compare them to the picture perfect facades people post on social media. Put away your phone, and spend some quality time with the person you fell in love with in real life.

Getting Past the Seven-Year Itch

The “Seven Year Itch” is the idea that couples who are together for a long time eventually reach a rut in their marriage; typically around the seven-year mark. Psychologists debate over whether or not the phenomenon is real, but it is very common for couples to divorce around the seven-to-eight-year mark. If you’re feeling a little stagnant in your relationship, it might be time for a reality check. Remember that everybody goes through ups and downs. Try to carve out some quality time together to get to the bottom of your feelings. Be spontaneous and try something new with your spouse to liven things up. And finally, work on improving your communication by being a good listener and perhaps giving marriage counseling a try. Hopefully, you and your spouse can make it through the seven-year slump and continue with a strong marriage.

Getting Past the Seven-Year Itch: Strengthening Your Marriage

Reality Check

The seven-year itch may or may not be real, but the fact of the matter is that all relationships have their ups and downs. It’s perfectly normal to have times when you’re feeling restless and others when you’re passionate about your spouse. Try to remember that normally the doldrums don’t last. Additionally, remember to avoid comparing your marriage to others you see on social media. You probably aren’t seeing the whole story.

Quality Time

If you’re feeling the seven-year itch, it might be time to get back to basics with your relationship. Schedule a little quality time together and spend it focusing just on one another. Get a babysitter, take a day off work, or set aside your phone to avoid distractions. Spend the day talking and feeling relaxed with your spouse. It might just be that the stress of life and family obligations is making you forget how special they are.

Try Something New

It’s also helpful to be spontaneous and try something new with your partner if you’re experiencing the seven-year itch. Play hooky for a day and go on a mini-day trip together. Or sign up for a salsa dancing class. Get outside of your comfort zone and outside of the repetitiveness of everyday life. Being vulnerable together by trying something you’re both new at can break up some of the log jams.

Improve Communication

Finally, one surefire way to improve any relationship is to improve your communication skills. And the same is true if you’re going through the seven-year itch. Practice listening to your partner without distractions and with all of your attention. Ask insightful questions and show interest in their passions. Seeking out a marriage counselor to help you improve communication is also a great idea.

Relationships all have their ups and downs, and finding yourself in a marriage slump is not uncommon. Luckily though, this so-called seven-year itch typically doesn’t last forever. Often, couples feel like they’re in a rut because the responsibilities of work and childcare are leaving them exhausted at the end of the day with no time left over for their spouse. So go back to the basics and remind yourself that it’s perfectly normal. Spend some quality time together trying something new and getting out of your comfort zone. And work on your communication skills so you can connect more easily. Finally, remember that this too shall pass. Be patient with yourselves and remember that every marriage takes work. You can get over any hurdle together if you’re willing to put in the effort.

When Emotional Abuse Becomes Physical

If you are in a relationship where emotional abuse becomes physical, it’s important to get the support you need to get out safely. Domestic violence can take many forms, but all abuse stems from a place of wanting to have power and control over a victim. While not all emotional abusers will become physical abusers, mistreatment of a partner does tend to escalate. It’s important to be able to recognize the signs of emotional abuse and to notice when things begin escalating into physical abuse. If you are in a relationship that involves domestic violence of any form, you need to leave safely. Make sure that you take steps to protect yourself and any children in the house, make a plan, and get the support you need to leave. After you are safely away, you can decide if you would like to take legal action against your abuser.

When Emotional Abuse Becomes Physical: Escalation

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can be difficult to spot in a relationship because the signs can be subtle. Oftentimes, people engaging in emotional abuse try to belittle their partners or make them question their reality. They might use threats, insults, yelling, or gaslighting as a tactic. Victims often begin to question their reality as well as their self-worth. This can make it harder for them to get out of the relationship.

Physical Abuse

Emotional abuse becomes physical as soon as a partner lays a hand on you. Physical abuse might include hitting, kicking, choking, or restraining. However, it can also be more subtle as well. Sleep deprivation, forcing you to consume alcohol or drugs, or preventing you from being able to seek medical help are also forms of physical abuse.

Noticing Escalation

It’s important to be able to notice when emotional abuse becomes physical and to know the signs of abuse to watch out for in the first place. Often, abusers will be overly controlling of their partners from the start of the relationship. They might show extreme jealousy, or be quick to anger. Finally, they might begin trying to isolate their victim from friends and family. Noticing any of these signs might mean that it’s time to take a closer look at your relationship and decide whether or not it’s crossing the line of abuse.

Getting Out Safely

If you find yourself in a relationship where emotional abuse becomes physical, or even in a relationship that has red flags of abuse, it’s time to leave. If you have children, it’s important to leave the abusive relationship before they are hurt. Make a plan to leave when your partner is away from the house. Contact a friend or family member that you trust to help you make a plan to get away safely. There are also local support systems in place that can help you if you are a victim of domestic violence of any form.

Domestic violence is a serious crime. And unfortunately, there is often an escalation where emotional abuse becomes physical. Abusers do not stop hurting their victims on their own. Instead, they often escalate to more and more violent forms of abuse. If you are experiencing emotional abuse, it could escalate into physical abuse against you or the children in your home. Therefore, if you notice any signs early on in your relationship, like a controlling partner or a partner that tries to isolate you from friends, leave. Domestic violence can be extremely dangerous and emotionally damaging for victims. And it can also be deadly. Getting the support you need to safely leave is the only way to protect yourself. Only then can you begin the process of healing and consider bringing legal action.

Open Marriage: Benefits and Risks

The topic of open marriage might make some people shrink in discomfort. However, the practice is not that uncommon. An open marriage can mean lots of different things, but often involves partners allowing their spouses to engage in intimacy outside the marriage. While it might seem unconventional, this type of relationship can be beneficial to some couples and strengthen their marriage. However, for others, it could be risky. The bottom line is that if you and your spouse are considering engaging in an open marriage, you have to have honest conversations and decide together if this is the right arrangement.

Open Marriage: Benefits and Risks and Deciding If It’s Right for You

What is It?

The ground rules for an open marriage can vary from couple to couple. However, typically it’s a consensual, non-monogamous relationship. This means that partners either practice swinging or polyamory. Swinging usually means that spouses can have sexual relationships with partners outside the relationship, but the spouse is still their primary paramour. A polyamorous relationship would entail longer-term relationships outside of the marriage.

Possible Benefits

Some couples choose to have an open marriage because they simply don’t believe in monogamy for their entire lives. Others choose it because one partner’s sex drive is substantially higher than the other. And some choose this arrangement because their spouse is uncomfortable with some of their sexual needs. Swinging allows a couple to have sexual freedom to explore with other partners without lying.

Possible Risks

While an open marriage might be a helpful arrangement for some, it’s not always a good idea. The biggest risk is if both partners are not fully comfortable with the situation. This is an arrangement that you both must fully believe in and be okay with. Of course, there is also the chance that jealousy can become an issue. And if you are having sex with multiple partners, there is a risk for sexually transmitted diseases as well.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that an open marriage is a private decision that you and your partner must make together. The only way that this type of arrangement can work is if you are both entirely honest with each other. If one partner is hesitant about the idea, it’s probably not a great choice for your relationship. However, if you are both on board and fully comfortable with the idea, it might bring you even closer as a couple.

Engaging in an open marriage might seem very unfamiliar, but it is not that uncommon. Many couples find that this type of marriage allows them to explore sexually without having to lie and sneak around behind their spouse’s back. This, in turn, can strengthen their marriage bond and make their relationship stronger than ever. However, there are some risks to entering into this type of arrangement. It can be uncomfortable for your friends or children if they find out about it, and there is the potential for issues related to jealousy. If you and your spouse are talking about trying an open marriage, make sure that you lay out specific ground rules and that you both are communicating every step of the way.

Sleeping in Separate Rooms

Many couples find that sleeping in separate rooms, or “sleep divorce” is the secret to avoiding actual divorce. While some couples love being close together and snuggling all night, others struggle to find balance for their differing sleep habits. Not to mention the frustrations of dealing with a partner who snores or tosses in their sleep. There are many benefits to sleeping in different bedrooms that don’t spell the end of your marriage. It can strengthen it. You’ll both have more room, not to mention the ability to adjust your sleep settings. And you can sleep without interruptions from your partner. All of this can lead to an increase in intimacy. So before you judge a couple that sleeps in separate rooms, consider whether or not they’ve figured out the secret to a happier marriage.

Sleeping in Separate Rooms: The Secret to Marriage?

More Room

One of the many benefits of sleeping in separate rooms is that you each have more space to stretch out. While a king bed can feel quite large, when you split it between two people, each person gets roughly the same sleep area as a twin bed provides. If you are a sleeper that prefers to stretch out, sleeping alone will likely give you the best chance at a restful night.

Better Sleep

Another positive of sleeping in separate rooms is that you will be able to adjust things to your preference when it comes to rest. For example, you can keep the room as hot or cool as you like. And you can opt to have white noise or not. In addition, you can purchase a mattress that suits your body’s needs better. If you prefer a firm mattress, and your spouse needs a soft mattress, you can each get what you need to give yourself the best chance at sleep.

No Snoring

The most obvious positive of sleeping in separate rooms is the ability to avoid sleep interruptions from your spouse. The annoyance of struggling to sleep because of a partner’s snoring can end up affecting your overall relationship if it’s a regular occurrence. In addition, you no longer will have to fight for the blanket. Or deal with a partner that tosses and turns or talks in their sleep.

Intimacy

While there are many positives to sleeping in separate rooms, many couples fear that it will spell the end of their intimacy. However, it seems that the opposite might be true. Getting more rest can boost your libido and give you more energy for sex. In addition, you won’t be dealing with aggravations over snoring or cover-hogging night after night. Plus, it gives you a new setting for intimacy!

While some couples thrive on their snuggle time, others struggle to get restful sleep when sharing a bed. Sleeping in separate rooms might be the secret that can re-kindle some intimacy in your marriage. You’ll be able to stretch out more and create a sleeping environment that is perfect for your needs. And you won’t be woken up by snoring or kicking from your spouse. Getting plenty of rest, and avoiding these common marriage irritations can end up making you feel more romantic toward your partner. Who knew that having a “sleep divorce” could be the thing that makes your marriage even stronger?!

Unhealthy Marriage: Notable Signs

Many couples will get a divorce because they feel that they’re in an unhealthy marriage. However, some spouses aren’t sure of how they can tell when their problems have reached an unhealthy stage. Knowing some of the most-common signs can help you figure out if your marriage has taken a more negative and toxic turn…

Unhealthy Marriage: What To Look For

You’re no longer friends

In a healthy marriage, a couple will be good friends with each other. They’ll enjoy spending time together and can have fun just like they would with other friends. In an unhealthy marriage, you may find that you and your spouse aren’t the friends that you were before.

Instead, you may spend less and less time around one another. When you do hang out, you may feel awkward or even stressed out. Instead, you’d rather look for excuses as to why you can’t do things together. At this point, you can tell your marriage isn’t as strong as it should be.

You can’t compromise

It’s also important for any couple to be able to compromise. There’s going to be times where you and your spouse disagree. In these situations, you should try and work towards a compromise. Meeting in the middle will help you reach a solution which’ll work for the both of you.

With an unhealthy marriage, you may find it hard to compromise anymore. Rather, you’ll fight more often, potentially over pretty trivial matters. This can mean you and your partner don’t respect each other anymore, which is hard to recover from.

You feel “trapped”

Ideally, your marriage should make you feel happy and fulfilled. You’re excited about reaching future goals with your spouse by your side. In turn, you also help support your spouse with their goals, and achieve this growth together over time.

An unhealthy marriage will instead leave you feeling “trapped” and stuck in place. Now, you feel like your spouse doesn’t support what you want to do. In fact, you may not even envision them as part of your future plans anymore. If you feel like your marriage isn’t letting you live the life you want, then it may be because it isn’t healthy anymore.

Long-Term Financial Goals for Your Marriage

There are many potential long-term financial goals for your marriage that you and your spouse should be talking about as soon as you get married. Many couples begin talking about finances before they’re even engaged. Making discussions about money a normal part of your marriage will give you the tool you need to tackle financial ups and downs throughout your marriage. Paying off debt should be top of the list, followed by creating an emergency fund. In addition, many couples want to save for retirement and end-of-life care. And finally, you’ll probably want to set your children up for financial success as well. By working together towards these financial goals, the two of you can keep each other accountable with spending so that you can enjoy the life you want.

Long-Term Financial Goals for Your Marriage: Saving for the Future

Pay Off Debt

One of the most important long-term financial goals for your marriage should be to pay off debt. This might be debt from irresponsible spending, debt from schooling, or many other things. However, the important thing is creating a plan to pay it off. Try to give yourself a set timeline and work backward from there. And try to avoid the blame game, but instead, work together to build healthy spending habits.

Create an Emergency Fund

Another of the long-term financial goals for your marriage might be to create an emergency fund. This is money that you save away in case of medical emergencies, car emergencies, or the loss of a job. Sometimes job losses come out of nowhere and couples that do not have emergency savings are left without many options. Try to save up enough to have three to six months’ worth of income squirreled away.

Save for Retirement

Of course, saving for retirement is one of the long-term financial goals for your marriage. However, it’s also important to remember that retirement isn’t just playing golf and relaxing. You might need to save for medical expenses, care facilities, or even end-of-life care. Funeral expenses alone can cost many thousands of dollars. Try to put all of this in your budget so that these expenses do not fall upon family members. And of course, you’ll want to enjoy yourself too so try to make a plan for budgeting for travel or other fun expenses.

Set Your Children Up for Success

Finally, one of the long-term financial goals for your marriage, if you have children, might be to set them up financially for success. This doesn’t mean giving them a trust fund so they never have to work. However, it might mean paying for their college or a portion of it so that they can avoid student debt. Or saving up to pay for their wedding. Or it might mean investing in some companies or real estate that you’d like to pass down to them eventually.

Creating long-term financial goals for your marriage is a healthy thing for couples to do. You should both have an overall understanding of your financial health as a couple. So making money talks a part of your marriage from early on can be very helpful. Try to work together to pay off debt and create an emergency fund. In addition, begin saving for retirement and end-of-life care early on so that you can enjoy yourself later in life. And finally, many parents want to set their children up for financial success as well. Hopefully, by working together, you can accomplish your financial goals and make your future as bright as possible.

Starting Your First Marriage Counseling Session

Your first marriage counseling session might have you feeling nervous. However, there’s no need to be, because the goal is to help you in your relationship. Some couples choose to speak to marriage counselors when they are navigating difficult situations or when they are fighting. And others make it a part of their routine. Whatever the reason that brings you in, you should know that it can be uncomfortable at times. You’ll have to talk and be honest about your emotions. You might have homework to take home. But it will get easier the more sessions you do with your spouse. You’ll learn to communicate better and will learn all the benefits of therapy in your marriage.

Starting Your First Marriage Counseling Session: What to Expect

It Can Be Awkward

Going into your first marriage counseling session it’s good to know ahead of time that it can be awkward. It can be uncomfortable talking about deeply personal matters with a person that doesn’t know you well. Especially when talking about intimacy, sex, and other details of your love life. Your therapist is very used to it and likely has heard it all before. So don’t be embarrassed to bear it all in your session.

You’ll Have to Talk

Another thing to know when going in for your first marriage counseling session is that you’ll have to be honest about things and talk about emotions. If you typically are a pretty private person, this can be intimidating. But counseling requires some effort from both you and your spouse. Your therapist can’t help you unless they know the full story.

You’ll Have Homework

You might have homework after your first marriage counseling session and after subsequent meetings. It’s very common for therapists to send clients home with activities to do together as a couple. You might be asked to keep a journal, make a list for the next session, or do something outside your meeting with your spouse. It’s difficult to see real change in a marriage just from counseling: you need to practice what you’re learning in your day-to-day life.

It Will Get Easier

Finally, you should know going into your first marriage counseling session that it will get easier and easier. Your counselor will get to know you as a couple, and you’ll become more comfortable sharing. Hopefully, you’ll get to a place where you feel very comfortable discussing your feelings with your therapist.

Your first marriage counseling session doesn’t need to be anything to dread. You might be there just as a way of strengthening an already happy marriage. Or you might be there as a last-ditch effort to prevent divorce. Either way, you should expect the same things. You’ll need to be honest and open about your feelings, and you’ll have to talk during your session. You might have homework to do before your next sessions. It can be awkward for many people at the beginning, but things will get easier as you become more comfortable with your counselor. Hopefully, you and your partner can get a lot of great advice for your marriage and work out any issues in a healthy way.

Connecting More with Your Spouse

Improving your marriage is all about connecting more with your spouse. If you feel like things have been a little rocky lately, now is the time to take action before it’s too late. If discussions of divorce have already started popping up, try some of these tips to see if there is still a chance to save your marriage. The most important thing to remember when trying to connect to somebody is to be a good listener. In addition, make time for your spouse in a way that gives you solid quality time together. Learn each other’s love languages so that you can improve your communication. And finally, reach out for professional help from a marriage counselor. Hopefully, you and your partner will be able to deepen your connection and save your marriage.

Connecting More with Your Spouse: Giving It Your Best Shot

Learn to Listen

Connecting more with your spouse, or really anybody is all about learning to listen. And that doesn’t mean just being quiet while they talk. It means giving thought to the things they’re saying, taking an interest in their interests, and engaging with them respectfully. Don’t just listen to find an opening to talk to yourself. A lot of marriages might be saved if partners learned better ways to listen to one another.

Make Distraction-Free Time

Connecting more with your spouse won’t be possible unless you put in the time and effort. And that means making space in your schedule for the two of you. Spending time alone engaging in conversation and trying to deepen your relationship will make your marriage stronger. Just make sure that your time together is distraction-free. Turn off your phones and find a sitter for the kids.

Learn Their Love Language

Another thing that can be very helpful in connecting more with your spouse is to learn their love language. Everybody shows and receives messages of love in different ways. The love language idea is that we all have certain expressions that work best for us. The options are quality time, physical touch, acts of service, gift giving, and words of praise. Even if you and your partner have different love languages, learning to ”speak” to them in theirs will improve your relationship.

Get Help

Finally, connecting more with your spouse might be hard for the two of you to do on your own. So don’t feel hesitant to enlist the help of a professional. Marriage counselors are trained in helping couples learn to connect more. They’ll probably work on your communication skills and give you ways to cope with disagreements. If your partner is reluctant, you can still get benefits from therapy even if you go on your own.

Connecting more with your spouse is a great way to strengthen your relationship and also turn things around if it feels like your marriage is in danger. Connecting often means just taking a step back and learning how to listen more to your partner. A lot of this can depend on your various love languages. In addition, your communication skills are so important in a marriage. Enlist the help of a trained marriage counselor to help you with those and other important relationship-strengthening exercises. Hopefully, the two of you can put in the effort and time to turn things around and make your marriage stronger than ever.

Mutually Working Remotely: How to Save Your Marriage

If you and your spouse are mutually working remotely from your home, tensions can run high. It’s difficult to share a life as well as a workspace with somebody, even somebody you love. With so many companies moving towards remote work, many couples are having to re-evaluate their house space and figure out ways to work from home together. Set up boundaries at the outset. It’s also helpful to each create your own space within the home that’s all yours. Get out of the house whenever possible for your mental health. And finally, check-in with one another to see if your system is working out. You don’t want stress or tension to be building up in your marriage without realizing it. Working from home together is difficult, but with some organization, you can make it work for your marriage.

Mutually Working Remotely: How to Save Your Marriage When You Both Work from Home

Set Boundaries Up Front

When you and your partner are both mutually working remotely, it’s helpful to set up some basic boundaries. For instance, if you need quiet time for certain calls, make sure your partner knows ahead of time. If you are juggling children as well, make sure that you are sharing responsibility for work and parenting equally. Now that you both are home most of the day, it’s also helpful to set up boundaries when it comes to household duties like chores and cleaning.

Create Your Own Space

When mutually working remotely, you and your spouse should each establish your workspace in the home. This doesn’t have to be a whole room. It might just be one side of a bedroom or even just a desk. But let that space be all your own. Don’t try to share desks and switch them off. It’s important to make your workspace a place that is appealing to you personally so that you can be most effective.

Get Out of the House

It can be very helpful to get out of the house when you and your husband or wife are mutually working remotely. Everybody needs a little break from one another at some point. Working and living together is probably more time than you’ve ever spent in each other’s company. So it’s a good idea to get out for fresh air and a little quiet time to yourself whenever you can.

Check-in With One Another

Finally, when mutually working remotely, it’s important to check in on one another from time to time. Some people flourish on having a partner near them all the time. Other people relish their private time. Make space in your schedule each week to check in and see how they work-from-home set-up is working for each of you. You don’t want to let stress or tension build up in your relationship.

Mutually working remotely is an issue that couples all over the country are suddenly having to navigate. The pandemic changed the way a lot of companies operate, and more and more employees can spend some or most of their time working from home. If you and your spouse are both remote, then suddenly you might be spending a lot more time together. Set up boundaries at the start so that you each are respecting one another’s time and privacy. Dedicate a space in your home for each of you that is yours alone. Get outside and take time apart periodically throughout the day. And finally, check in on one another each week to see if your set-up is working. Hopefully, you can find a way to navigate this new way of working while keeping your marriage strong.