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Category: marriage

Second Marriage: Tips For Success

Going into a second marriage after a divorce can be both exciting and scary. After all, with how many of these end in divorce, you don’t want a repeat of what happened last time. Therefore, there’s a few key things you’ll want to keep in mind…

Second Marriage: Tips For Success

Practice mutual respect

In a second marriage, it’s important that you and your partner respect each other. A lack of respect is a big reason why couples start to drift apart. If one spouse feels like the other doesn’t respect what they say or them in general, then it’ll quickly lead to tension.

Instead, both of you should be sure to respect what the other has to say. Encourage them to be honest and show them you appreciate them. A simple “thank you” will go a long way in making your partner feel like you respect them and value your marriage.

Create time for each other

It’s also important for those in a second marriage to spend time with one another. Now, there’s going to be times where you want to be alone or go be with friends. That’s totally normal, and an important part of a good relationship too. But, you also need to make time with your partner.

There’s a lot of ways you can spend this time together. For example, maybe you both like to spend time watching movies or T.V. at the end of the day. However, even simple things like going with them to the store can show them you enjoy being with them.

Talk about expectations

It’s a good idea in a second marriage to talk about expectations. Everyone has expectations, but sometimes, they can get out of hand. This is especially true after a divorce. You might not realize it, but your expectations could cause problems in the future.

If your expectations are too high, then you’ll constantly get disappointed when your spouse doesn’t reach them. To avoid this, talk to them about establishing realistic expectations. That way, you’ll both be on the same page about what your goals are for the marriage.

Blended Family Holiday Plans

Blending together different families after remarrying isn’t always easy. In fact, it can seem especially difficult during the holidays. However, making your blended family holiday plans successful isn’t impossible. In fact, it’s something you can do with a little bit of proper focus…

Blended Family Holiday Plans

Watch expectations

Expectations can be a problem for blended family holiday plans. Everyone has an “ideal” holiday situation in their heads. Often times, this is based off of what we see or hear in movies or other media. Still, you can’t base your real-life plans off of those found in fiction.

The thing is, you can’t set those expectations too high. After all, this holiday season is all about helping everyone adjust. Therefore, keep your expectations and your plans simple. Figure out what’s really important to you and everyone else, and base your plans on that.

Work together

Blended family holiday plans also end up being much better when you and your partner work together. Even if you’ve been married for a few months, you still won’t know their kids as well as they do. This of course also applies on their end as well. As a result, you should work together to make your plans.

By working together, you can develop your plan to be fit each of your kids. Plus, this can also help them feel more like a family. By spending time with each other, and everyone being able to do things they enjoy, you’ll create that good, holiday spirit. This will also improve the bond between you and your new family members.

Traditions, new & old

Don’t forget about traditions while making your blended family holiday plans. Traditions are an important part of the holiday for many people. If you know your kids, or your partner’s kids, have traditions they like, then be sure to include them.

Also, this is a great time to create some new traditions too. These new traditions are something that can be unique to your new, blended family. There’s a wide variety of traditions you can try and use with your family. You can also make your own special traditions with the help of your kids!

Holiday Season Divorce: A Good Idea?

While the holidays are around the corner, you may have something more pressing on your mind: divorce. Even if you’ve been thinking it over for a while, is a holiday season divorce is a good idea? There’s a few things to consider which can help you make a decision…

Holiday Season Divorce: A Good Idea?

Consider the state of your marriage

When considering a holiday season divorce, you have to look at what your marriage is like now. If your marriage is so toxic that it makes you constantly miserable or unhappy, then it’s best to get things moving towards divorce now. This is especially true if things are abusive, and your well-being is at risk.

However, if things aren’t at those points, then you might want to wait until after the holidays. After all, the holidays tend to be a time where people spend a lot of money and do a lot of travel. That can make it hard to really get your divorce started properly, so it may be better to wait.

Will you regret the timing?

You also have to consider if you’ll regret the timing that comes with a holiday season divorce. After all, choosing to divorce will mean a total change to your holiday plans. Often times, you might end up finding yourself spending this time alone rather than with others like you’re used to.

This kind of change can make the holiday season especially hard. Throw in the demands of divorce, and it can really be difficult to handle. In fact, it could get to the point where the loneliness prompts you to try and go back to a relationship that isn’t good for you. Therefore, you need to make sure you’re ready for this kind of change.

Consider how it will impact others

Divorce is, of course, a very personal matter. However, a holiday season divorce does mean you have to consider the holiday plans of your family and friends. A divorce will put a damper on those plans, especially if you have kids. Divorcing during this time could seriously have a negative impact on them.

Divorce Indicators: Common Signals

For a lot of couples, divorce is something which catches them by surprise. This makes them try and think about if there were any tells they should’ve seen coming. In fact, there’s a handful of divorce indicators which can signal that a divorce might be on the horizon…

Divorce Indicators: Common Signals

Thinking about divorce

One of the most common and most direct divorce indicators is if you’re constantly thinking about leaving your partner. At first, this seems pretty straightforward. If you’re already thinking about splitting up, then divorce might seem like it’s a guarantee. However, many people who think like these don’t see it that way.

A lot of times, these people will put off bringing the topic up. “I’ll bring it up tomorrow” is a common occurring thought which never materializes. Still, once those thoughts begin to become more and more common, it’s in both of your best interests to take things to the next step of action.

Infidelity

Infidelity is also another one of the common divorce indicators. This applies to both you and your partner. If you begin to consider having an affair, or find your spouse is having one, then it shows that the trust in your marriage has been eroded.

Once this trust has been lost, it is very hard to repair it. Many times, it’s also an indicator of some deeper, underlying issue in the marriage. These could be problems about attention, intimacy, happiness, or just feeling valued. It’s always better to end things in your current relationship before engaging in this sort of behavior.

Constant arguments

Divorce indicators don’t just pop up out of nowhere. Often times, they start out small, and gradually become worse and worse until divorce is inevitable. Constant arguing is one of these indicators that’s like this.

At first, things might start small with some more bickering than usually. Eventually, this can involve into constant arguments over even the most trivial of issues. In fact, things can get so bad, that just the sight of your spouse makes you angry. Once things escalate to this point, the healthiest option might be to just call things off.

Common Divorce Reasons

People divorce for a wide variety of reasons. However, some reasons tend to be more common than others. These common divorce reasons can be indicators of when things are going south. Knowing these signs can help you realize when you might need to change course, or if it’s best to call things off…

Common Divorce Reasons

Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most common divorce reasons. Cheating and affairs tend to be a breaking point for a lot of marriages. For many couples, this represents a violation of trust between each partner. Once this trust is violated, it’s hard for couples to reconcile and come back together.

The reasons behind why partners cheat aren’t always so clear-cut. Sometimes, it’s due to underlying issues in the relationship, especially in regards to intimacy. Other times, it could be due to pent up frustrations, or just when a partner gives into temptation. Ultimately, it’s up to you to determine if you can work things out with your spouse, or if you want to split.

Poor communication

Communication troubles also are one of the common divorce reasons. Good communication is an important foundation for any marriage. Couples who are able to talk to one another in a healthy and productive manner tend to work out their issues both quickly, and in a way that leaves both sides happy.

However, couples with poor communication tend to struggle. They end up in constant arguments, which just get worse and worse over time. Eventually, this leads to both partners becoming fed up with each other, and many will opt for divorce to prevent things from getting even worse.

Abuse

Abuse is one of the most unfortunate common divorce reasons. Marriage, and life itself is difficult, and sadly some people take out their frustrations out on their spouses. In these situations, divorce is a means for someone to get away from their abuser.

Abuse doesn’t have to be physical. In fact, it can also be emotional, or a combination of each. Either way, any kind of abuse is something which shouldn’t be tolerated. Remember that a person’s own personal safety should take priority in any kind of relationship.

Stepparent Boundaries

Adjusting to being a stepparent can be a pretty tricky task. There’s a lot of new things you’ll have to consider when adjusting to your new role. One of the hardest things you may struggle with are stepparent boundaries. As it turns out, there are a few lines which you may not want to cross…

Stepparent Boundaries

Replacing a parent

One of the major stepparent boundaries that you want to respect is your stepchildren’s other parent. Sometimes, new stepparents want to help their stepchildren adjust by being more of a “parent” rather than stepparent. This might include things such as wanting to be called mom or dad, or trying to encourage them to do things with you instead of their other parent.

However, it is very important to respect that boundary. Understand that you aren’t their biological parent, but that isn’t a bad thing. Stepparents have their own special roles that they fit in which your new stepchildren will learn to accept, and appreciate, in time. You can still be a great parent, even if they don’t call you “mom” or “dad”.

Giving out discipline

Another important stepparent boundary to respect is with regards to discipline. If you discipline your own children, you might figure that you can apply that to your stepchildren. However, doing so could severely hurt your new relationship with them, and potentially damage it permanently.

Your stepchildren are still trying to figure out who you are and if you can get along. If you begin to punish them, then their opinion on you will sour and things will just get worse. Instead, try to offer a shoulder of support, and leave discipline to your partner. Don’t forget the complex emotions they’re dealing with, and how that could be behind their actions.

Tangling with the ex

Stepparent boundaries aren’t just limited to your stepchildren. They also apply to your partner’s ex as well. As their new spouse, it can feel a bit tempting to support them when they talk to their ex. However, doing so could upset the balance that your partner and their ex have created in regards to their co-parenting. While you can offer advice to your spouse in private, don’t get engaged in their talks directly.

Changing Last Names: Marriage Questions

Soon, you’ll be married. This is such an exciting time for you and your partner! It’s also super stressful. There’s planning the wedding, the honeymoon and figuring out how to merge together your lives as well as other things. In addition to these, the topic of changing last names has come up lately. There are pros and cons for changing or not changing. If you’re thinking about this, it’s easier to decide when you have a better idea of outcomes.

Changing Last Names: Should You Do It?

The Hassle

You’ve had your last name your whole life; that much is obvious. However, that fact isn’t on your radar until you think you might change it. Even though your name might be a small blimp in everyday life, it’s a huge part of you. If you change it, major updates need to be made almost everywhere. Updates for your passport, licenses, bank and your job need to be made. If you’ve made a name for yourself at your job, this is a tougher pill to swallow. Changing your name can be hard because it’s a part of your brand. Nevertheless, keep this in mind when weighing your options for changing last names.

What Other People Think

Changing last names is such a common practice. It’s something that’s considered a done-deal once you become engaged. If you’re on the fence about changing last names, you may be concerned what other people will think of you.To tell you the truth, the only opinions that matter are the people who are close to you. Therefore, if this is a concern, talk to your partner, parents and in-laws. Tell them you haven’t decided on changing names and why.

Additionally, you may be concerned what your friends and coworkers think. They’ll have their thoughts and opinions on the matter. That’s alright! Let them have their opinions. If they’re close to you, they’ll understand your decision, whether you change your name or not.

Nothing Is Permanent

If push comes to shove and you’re still not sure, you don’t have to decide right away. Later, if you feel you’d prefer changing last names, do it! If later down the road, you’re happy you didn’t change your last name, that’s great! It’s all up to you and your partner. It may be easier when starting a family or it may not change a thing. It all depends on how you feel now and in the future. No matter what you decide, the option is always there.

Changing last names when you marry is often a no-brainer. However, if you’re taking a moment to weigh your options, there’s no shame in it. You should be certain of your choice when you make it final. After all, it’s a big decision that you should not take lightly. Discuss with your future spouse, come to a decision together, and consider your options. Also, remember that hyphenating is also an option!

Prenup Agreements: The Benefits for You

Prenup agreements are becoming more common for married couples. These agreements can help you sort out property and financials going into the marriage. Additionally, they can also help make a divorce a much smoother process. Knowing the benefits of a prenup can help you determine if you should also have one for your marriage…

 Prenup Agreements: The Benefits for You

Separate assets 

Prenup agreements help you and your spouse sort out what assets belong to whom. This helps you to both know what assets you’re bringing into the marriage. This kind of information is especially helpful during a divorce. 

Asset division is a key aspect of divorce. However, this generally means you’ll have to fight in court to prove what assets are yours from before the divorce. A prenup will avoid this fight, as you’ll both already have all those assets listed. 

Splitting debt

Debt is also something which can get split during a divorce. However, prenup agreements can help specify what debt you and your spouse had before you were married. This will help limit your debt responsibility during a divorce, as well as save you time and money on the proceedings. 

Settlement negotiations

Prenup agreements are basically divorce settlement guidelines. They help you and your spouse define who gets what in the case of a divorce. Without an agreement, you’ll have to negotiate a settlement based on your state’s divorce laws. This can lead to a longer and more expensive divorce proceeding. 

On the other hand, a prenup already lays out who had what coming into the marriage. That makes it much easier to figure out what does need to be negotiated and what doesn’t. For example, that means you and your spouse can focus mainly on say co-parenting agreements rather than everything at once. A prenup is basically a way to “trim the fat” from your divorce and make it easier for everyone involved. 

Moving Forward: Setting Your New Course

Re-adjusting to life after your divorce can be difficult. It’s not uncommon to feel lost and confused after everything is said and done. However, there are different ways you can start moving forward with your new life. You’ll soon be able to see all the new different possibilities that you can take your life in…

Moving Forward: Setting Your Life Course

Focus on the positive outcomes

Many people get stuck on focusing on the negative aspects about their marriage and divorce once the divorce is over. The more you focus on these negative aspects, the more your overall thought process will become negative. That’s why moving forward means working on the positives. 

After your normal grieving period, then it’s time to start looking ahead. Think about the positive things that are possible now that you’re in control again. Once you’re able to think about them, then you’ll be able to make them a reality. 

Restructure & reorganize

Odds are that divorce wasn’t initially in your life plans. However, this shake-up has a silver lining in that you can take some time to restructure your future goals. This doesn’t mean “give up on everything you had planned”; rather, it just means think about what you can change to get yourself happy again. 

You can also reorganize your daily activities. Maybe you can start to pick up a new hobby. You can also start learning something that your ex usually took care of so you can be prepared in the future. Either way, you’re getting yourself out of your old life and into your new one. 

Spend time with others

It isn’t uncommon to feel lonely after your divorce. You can feel the need to shut yourself off from others during this time. Whether it’s due to feelings of grief, shame, or anger, these feelings can consume you.

Spending time with others helps to fight against these feelings. Being with friends or family can help you see you’re not truly alone. Instead, you have plenty of people who care about you. 

Divorce takes a toll out of you emotionally even when it’s successful. It can be hard to get yourself back in balance. However, if you remain focused on what’s important, you can start to move forward into a brighter, better life. 

Partner Unhappiness: Potential Indicators

Actions tend to speak louder than words. This is especially true in marriage. Your partner’s behavior can tell you how they might truly feel, even when they say nothing’s wrong. Being aware of these indicators can help you notice and address potential partner unhappiness…

Partner Unhappiness: Potential Indicators

Not spending time together

If your partner isn’t spending as much time with you as they used to, then it might be a sign of partner unhappiness. They may be spending more and more time with friends than with you. They could also be putting more time in at work rather than coming home. 

While it is important to let your partner have time to themselves, it shouldn’t result in them having no time with you. In this case, you become less of a priority than you should be. This can be a telltale sign that something is making your partner unhappy when they’re with you.

Emotionally withdrawn 

Another early indicator of partner unhappiness is if they become emotionally withdrawn. Generally, you’d expect for you and your partner to be honest with each other. You’d want to talk about how they are, how their day was, etc.

However, your partner may be more and more distant when talking about these things. They might not even ask you how you are anymore. This lack of interest is a warning that something is making your partner unhappy.

Lack of patience 

A sudden shift in temperament can also be a sign of partner unhappiness. If your normally cool-headed partner gets a shorter temper, then something is bothering them.This change in patience could be because they’re unsure about your relationship.

They Start Nitpicking

Originally, your partner may have found the things you did cute. However, they might’ve started nitpicking more and more. You might feel like there’s nothing you can do that won’t result in nitpicking. 

This could be because of their own unhappiness. Nitpicking is a way for your partner to get out their frustration without addressing it directly. Instead of talking about their problems, it’s easier for your partner to shut you down. 

What to do

It can be difficult to feel loved by your partner when they begin acting in these ways. Sometimes, they might just need space to process their feelings if they’re in a rough place. You can also try and suggest relationship counseling to them as way to work out their issues. Do your best to make things work, but remember: your own happiness should always come first.