Tag: cheating spouse

Telltale Signs of a Cheating Spouse

While we’d all like to think that there are telltale signs of a cheating spouse, the truth is that you often have to look at the entire pattern of your partner’s behavior to see if the signs are pointing to an affair. There isn’t always one specific tell. Instead, you might notice a change in their demeanor, in your relationship, sex life, their appearance, schedule, and many other factors that can give you clues to look a little deeper. However, there are some warning signs that you should take seriously. For example, if they are suddenly becoming very secretive around devices and no longer giving you their passwords, it might be a red flag. Additionally, if you catch them in a lie multiple times, there is usually a reason for the deception. Finally, if there are unexplained expenses, it might be that they are spending money on somebody else. If you notice any of these behaviors, it’s worth digging a little deeper. You can choose to confront your spouse directly, or wait to see if other warning signs pop up.

Telltale Signs of a Cheating Spouse: What to Look Out For 

A Word of Warning

Even though the following behaviors are potential indicators of an affair, there are no truly telltale signs of a cheating spouse. Instead, you have to look at the overall pattern of their behavior. If things are going smoothly and then out of the blue you start noticing a lot of changes happening, it might be an indication of cheating. But it could also be an indication of other things like work stress. So before you go ringing divorce bells, it’s important to follow up your observations with a frank conversation with your partner to get to the bottom of the new behaviors.

Secrecy Around Devices

One of the potential telltale signs of a cheating spouse is a sudden secrecy around their devices. If you and your partner usually have an open-device relationship, but they suddenly are hiding their phone away or making sure you can’t see the screen, it could definitely be a red flag. Similarly, if they usually keep their phone unlocked but suddenly have a passcode that they don’t share with you, it might be a sign that they’re communicating with somebody they shouldn’t be.

You Catch Them in a Lie 

Another of the telltale signs of a cheating spouse is if you catch them in a lie. Especially if the lie involves where they are or who they’re with. Partners should be honest with one another, and unless it’s your birthday and they’re out buying a gift, there shouldn’t be a reason to lie about where you are to your spouse. If you catch them in a direct lie, it’s definitely worth following up with a conversation.

Unexplainable Expenses

Finally, unexplainable expenses can also sometimes be a warning sign of an affair. Often, when people are newly dating, or trying to woo somebody, they’ll spend money lavishly. It might be on things like jewelry, dinners, or gifts. But it could also be on things like hotel rooms. If you are finding that your finances are taking a sudden hit and you can’t find the explanation, it might be worth asking your spouse if there’s anything they need to come clean about.

While there are no specific telltale signs of a cheating spouse, there are some definite warning signs to look out for. However, it’s important to remember that no one specific item should make you convinced that they are cheating if it’s unusual behavior for them. There could always be a reasonable explanation for some of these things. However, if you are noticing a pattern of behaviors like these, it might be an indication that something is going on. For example, if you notice that they are suddenly secretive about their phone or laptop, when they used to be open and casual about it. Furthermore, if you catch them in a lie, it’s worth digging a little deeper. And finally, if there are a lot of unexplainable expenses and your partner doesn’t have a good explanation for where the money is going, it could be a warning sign of an affair. Hopefully, if you notice any of these indicators, you can have a conversation with your spouse and clear everything up. But it’s definitely worth having the talk to ensure that you aren’t being lied to.

How-to Spot a Cheating Spouse

You have an uneasy feeling in the back of your mind. You have picked up on things that have made you wonder and question “Are they cheating on me?” over and over again. You will wonder if you overanalyzing things or going crazy. Unfortunately, this feeling is more common than you think, and you may not be going crazy. Learn more about how you can possibly spot a cheating spouse.

How-to Spot a Cheating Spouse: Marital Affair

Being Secretive

One thing to watch out for is a spouse that is being very secretive with his or her phone or computer. A cheater will start to really guard their phone or computer, and clear their history frequently. They will likely be very jumpy and defensive when you ask about their phone of computer as well. You will notice they do not want to part with their phone or set it down. Also, they certainly will not let you look at their devices. Unless there is a chance they could be planning something like a surprise party for you, all of these actions could be seen as very suspicious.

Improved Appearance

Has your spouse never concerned themself with spending time grooming, then all of the sudden starts always looking put together out of no where? Are they suddenly going out for runs, when you could hardly get them to go for a walk with you before? They could be trying to look better for you, or they could be trying to look better for someone else. Be especially wary if they look the same at home, but suddenly start trying way harder for work or special events.

Of course, your spouse could have really just had a pivotal moment and really be trying to get in shape or taking care of themself. Perhaps they just had a health scare or have been feeling down about how they have let themself go. They maybe even are just trying for a big promotion at work. Know that just because they suddenly start caring does not automatically mean that you have an unhealthy marriage or that you have a cheating spouse.

Change in Intimacy

Has there been a sudden change or decrease the the frequency of intimacy you have with your spouse? It could be because they are being intimate with someone else. Alternatively, they could be wanting to be intimate with you more often out of guilt.

Unreachable

Another possible sign is that your spouse is unreachable for long periods of a time. Do you hear, “My phone died and I didn’t have a charger” on the regular? Or is there suddenly all kinds of areas of no service that have popped up all over your town? Be especially wary if they are unreachable on a business trip.

While these do not necessarily mean you have a cheating spouse, they should certainly raise red flags. Do not drive yourself crazy obsessing over it, but perhaps bring it up with your spouse or even hire a private investigator to clear your mind. If you do decide to ask or investigate, just be prepared for what you could find. Although you may be pleasantly surprised to learn there was nothing to be worried about at all.

Family Affair: Do I Tell the Kids They Cheated? 

If you, or your spouse, are having an affair — it’s important to decide who knows what when you address the issue. Most importantly, what (if anything) do your kids know about their parents’ extra-marital relations. This is ultimately up to the parent who did not cheat. But, making the call either way has a few implications. There is no simple answer to the question, and the best route for your family might not be the best route for another. No matter how you go about it, it’s important to take time with the decision.

Family Affair: Do I Tell the Kids They Cheated?

Ultimately, this decision should be made by the two of you together. You need to weigh the pro’s and cons of doing such. Many parents decide to withhold this information from their kids, especially if they are younger (particularly the 1-12 range). But, others will decide that transparency is more important than putting their children through the emotional pain.

Consider if your kids will even understand

Before deciding if it’s right to involve your children in this aspect of your marriage, you have to decide if they will even understand what this means. Telling an 8 year old “Mom/Dad had an affair”, will hold little to no weight, and likely will not affect them— because they won’t understand. But, telling a 14 year old the same thing, will be earth-shattering. Think about it. Your kids idolize you, whether they admit it or not. Therefore, telling them that their idol has made a maritally-fatal mistake can have some serious implications.

Decide where you go from here before deciding who to tell

Your marriage is your business— the two of you, exclusively. It is up to you to decide what aspects of your marriage become public— even to your children. Therefore, it’s important that you make a decision about your marriage before you open it up to other people. If you and your spouse are going to stay together and work it out, telling your kids is probably not a great idea.

You are ultimately deciding what kind of relationship your child will have with their Mom/Dad

Having an affair is a highly selfish decision to make. However, you have to decide what community you want it to affect. Is this a decision that should directly affect you and your spouse? Or should it affect you, your spouse, your children, and other parts of the family? This is a personal decision, and one you will have to make for yourself. But, before you do— we urge you to take time with your choice. We wish you the best of luck in dealing with this uniquely difficult time.