If you want to confront your partner about cheating, it’s best to wait until you have proof. If you confront them with just a vague idea that they’re cheating, they may not be inclined to tell you the honest truth. Remember that if they’re cheating in the first place, then honesty is not their priority. But if you know for sure that they are being unfaithful, pick the best time and place to have a conversation. Figure out what you want to get out of the conversation before it even starts. Listen to what they have to say and actually take in what they’re telling you. And finally, schedule a time for a follow-up discussion after you’ve had some time to process. Infidelity in a relationship can be very painful, but sometimes there is a way to salvage the relationship.
How to Confront Your Partner About Cheating: The Tough Conversation
Pick the Right Time and Place
If you plan to confront your partner about cheating, pick the right time and place. This means choosing a time where you won’t be interrupted. In addition, make sure that you’re somewhere private. Don’t try to spring this type of conversation on them while they’re rushing out the door to work. Or in a crowded restaurant where you might be overheard. Find a time and place where you feel calm and rational and open to actually hearing them out.
Figure Out What You Want to Get Out of the Conversation
Next, if you plan to confront your partner about cheating, decide what you want the outcome to be. Are you wanting to figure out a way to work things out? Or do you plan to end the relationship if they confirm the cheating? If you are wanting to work things out, approach the conversation with an open mind. Figure out what steps you need to take to make a relationship work after this. If you plan to break up, will they move out? When? Also, decide upfront whether you want to hear details about the cheating or just keep things vague.
Listen to What They Have to Say
If you plan to confront your partner about cheating, try to actually listen to what they have to say. They may have reasons for cheating that you hadn’t considered. Maybe there are things in your relationship that can be improved. If this is the case, perhaps there’s a chance to work on it and move on. Don’t let them try to convince you that their cheating was your fault though. Cheating is a choice that they made, not a mistake that happened to them. But it might make you feel better to know the actual reasons if there are any.
Plan a Follow-Up
If you plan to confront your partner about cheating but want to work things out, plan a follow-up. Don’t try to take in everything on the day they tell you about it. Give yourself plenty of time to think over everything they’ve said. Figure out how you feel about everything. You’ll need time to process the feelings of grief, embarrassment, betrayal, hurt, and anger. Figure out what you want your relationship to look like moving forward, and then have another conversation with them to see if they’re on board. You’ll also need to decide whether you’ll be able to trust them again.
Cheating can be incredibly painful and difficult to process. But sometimes, couples are able to move forward afterward and continue their relationship. If you plan to confront your partner about cheating, it’s best to wait until you have proof. Otherwise, they may just deny it and you won’t get very far. Plan to have the conversation when you have plenty of time and are someplace private. Figure out what you want to get out of the conversation beforehand, and decide what level of detail you even want to know. Try to really listen to what they have to say. And finally, give yourself some time to process everything and then plan a follow-up conversation. It’s possible to move on and have a healthy relationship after cheating. However, it has to be something that you both want and are willing to work towards together.