fbpx

Author: Robert Reeves

How-to: Have a Healthy Divorce

Want to learn more about how to have a healthy divorce? Check out this video to learn more!

When people think of divorce, they mainly think of negative things. Yelling, fighting, and crying, are some emotions that may come to mind. But do all divorces have to end this way? The answer is ‘No’. Believe it or not, not all divorces have to be bitter messes. Learn more about how to have a healthy divorce.

How-to Have a Healthy Divorce: Changing Your Mindset

Remove the Negative Emotions

You meet someone, you fall in love, and then you live happily every after, right? Reality check. Relationships are not always like they are in the movies. You will have ups and downs, and sometimes they come to an end. Instead of choosing to be angry about that, do your best to look at the situation for what it is. Be glad you met that person and you were able to have a shot at doing life together. However, something happened, and you no longer feel that spark and love anymore. The first step in having a healthy divorce is to reframe your mindset. Recognize what has transpired and choose to be rational. Sure, going through a separation is an emotional roller coaster, but do your best to put the emotions aside. It may be a good idea to find a neutral party who can help you make sensible decisions.

Sometimes you may be getting a divorce because your spouse did something terrible like cheat on you. You can either be angry and bitter forever, or you can look at the situation from a fresh perspective. This person you loved is no longer a person who has done right by you. They have hurt and betrayed you. In reality, it may be a good thing that you are splitting up from them. While this person may have been good for you at one period, they may not be good for you anymore. Because of that, it may be a positive thing for you to move on.

Children and Assets

Of course, if you have children with your ex, this is not as simple. Unlike couples without kids, you can’t just split up your physical assets and then be done. You have to work through many things when you have children, like custody and visitation schedules. Children add another element to a divorce. However, do your best to keep any conflict away from the kids. In fact, ongoing parental conflict can increase a child’s risk of psychological and social problems. Oftentimes, it is helpful for divorced parents to come up with a plan and present it to their kids together. Working together to keep your kids calm and as happy as possible can help lead to a healthy divorce. Make sure to communicate honestly with your kids about the changes going on, as kids benefit from open communication.

Divorce Conflict & Cause

Ideally, divorcing will be a smooth and peaceful process for both you and your ex. However, there are instances where divorce conflict can arise. By understanding what can cause this conflict, you’ll be able to better avoid it and calm things down in the future…

Divorce Conflict: Main Motivators

Unwilling to compromise

One of the biggest reasons for divorce conflict is an unwillingness to compromise. Nothing can be more frustrating than when one spouse isn’t willing to work together with the other. Showing a willingness to compromise means you’re willing to give up some of your wants in order to reach an agreement. If someone remains stubborn and refuses to do so, that’ll draw things out even further.

Of course, there are some things you or your ex may not want to compromise on. Still, there are probably some things you can meet in the middle for. Therefore, if your ex is willing to propose a compromise, give an effort to hear them out. It’s possible you can find some middle ground or agree on a separate compromise to get what you really want.

Poor communication

Issues with communication also tend to cause divorce conflict. Things tend to progress a lot more smoothly when you and your ex can talk to each other. That way, you both know exactly what the other person wants. However, if you end up fighting every time you meet, then this will just lead to more conflict and prevent any progress.

As a result, you should make improving communication a priority. Keep your conversations focused on what needs to be discussed and away from anything else which could cause tensions. Be sure to also remain respectful when talking to one another. If extra help is needed, it may be useful to consider using a mediator.

Trying to “win”

There’s a bit of a misconception that divorce is something you can “win.” Of course, you want to make sure you get a good and fair result. At the same time, you also don’t want to be very aggressive against your ex. Doing so can make them try and do the same and make your divorce conflict quite severe.

That’s why you should focus more on getting the result you’re happy with than trying to “punish” your ex. This will help your ex not feel like they’re on the defensive the entire time. Instead, it’ll encourage you both to work together.

How-to Get Your Finances in Order After a Divorce

Divorces can do a number on your finances. They can make you go from a dual-income to a single-income, change your tax and insurance situation or even add on unexpected debt and expenses. You may have to create new financial goals or even rebuild your credit. On top of that, you will have to be doing this all while juggling putting the pieces of your life back together. The key here is to be proactive and start working on getting your finances in order after a divorce as soon as you can.

How-to Get Your Finances in Order After a Divorce: Steps to Take

Budget

The first step to take to get your finances in order after a divorce is to evaluate your budget. The divorce could have resulted in a change in your household income, or you may have different expenses now. Whatever the current situation is, it will be helpful to look over your budget. If you do not have a budget already put together, now is a great time to create one. You need to be honest with yourself and build a budget that fits with your current circumstances. If your finances have changed but you continue to live your previous lifestyle, you will be headed towards financial trouble. You may have to end up needing to downsize your house or get a cheaper vehicle. Also, you may have to make other changes to your habits in order to set yourself up for financial success.

Credit

You will also want to work on building credit if you do not have a good credit score or your own credit history. If you did not have credit cards or a loan in your own name while you were married, start working on building your credit history ASAP. To qualify for a loan or rent a place to live, you will need to have a good credit score.

Keep in mind that you will often need credit to get credit. If you are unable to get a qualify for a traditional credit card on your own, there’ another option. Instead, you can apply for a secured credit card. These require you to deposit money that’s equal to your line of credit. Use this card to make small purchases and pay off the card on time each month. This will allow you build a good payment history and help your credit score. Be sure to remove your ex from any shared credit cards. Also, refinance your house so that only the person who is responsible for the payments is on the loan. This will prevent your ex from forgetting to make a payment or going into credit card debt and hurting your credit score.

By taking a few small steps, you can proactively get your finances in order after a divorce. Bt making an honest budget and sticking to it, plus building a strong credit history, you will be on the right track.

Children’s Hobbies Post-Divorce

Your divorce can be pretty rough on both you and the kids. For them, this can be a time where they feel a wide range of emotions which can impact their lives. Therefore, it’s good to encourage them to get into some children’s hobbies post-divorce. Doing so can help them in a few ways…

 Children’s Hobbies Post-Divorce: How They Help

Relieve some stress

One benefit of children’s hobbies post-divorce is how they help your kids relax. Odds are your divorce cause you a lot of stress throughout the process. However, it also probably placed a lot of stress onto your kids as well.

This stress can get worse for them as they try and adjust to the new way things are after the divorce. Unlike adults, children tend to struggle with managing this stress and this can cause them to act out in response. Having a hobby that they can get into and enjoy is a good way for them to relax and start to feel better again.

Make new friends

Another benefit of children’s hobbies post-divorce is the way they can encourage your kids to make new friends. Aside from stress, you kids can begin to feel sad and withdrawn as well. They’ll spend a lot of time alone in their rooms, not talking to others, and may even stop doing things such as their schoolwork.

A hobby can help your kids get back to being social and making new friends. Having a shared interest is one of the fastest and easiest ways for people of all ages to find friends. Once they start feeling more comfortable and happier with their friends, their mood around the house will also begin to improve.

Improve your connection

Children’s hobbies post-divorce can also be a way for you to improve your bond. A divorce tends to make kids question if things were somehow their fault. Spending time together via a hobby is a great way to show them that you still love them and that they didn’t do anything wrong.

For example, sports programs tend to be popular with kids and parents alike. Your kids get to play a sport they enjoy and make friends with their teammates, while you get to support and cheer for them at games. These are all great things for a child to have after having their parents divorce.

Divorce Cybersecurity: Improve Yours

In this day and age, staying safe online while divorcing is very important. That’s why it’s key you improve your divorce cybersecurity. Taking a few steps can really help protect you and your info online…

Divorce Cybersecurity: Changes To Make

Watch for cyberbullying

 Cyberbullying is one of the biggest reasons as to why you’ll want to have good divorce cybersecurity. Most people hear about cyberbullying in relation to when students at a school do it to someone else. In reality, it’s something which can occur to anyone, including adults.

Usually, cyberbullying is seen through repeated harassment and treats online, generally on social media. This can make you feel very depressed and lower your self-esteem. It’s a good idea to keep any records of this harassment, especially if it’s from your spouse, and then to block them and the accounts so you don’t have to see it anymore.  

Change your logins

A lot of people tend to use weak passwords and usernames for all of their online logins. While this makes it easy to memorize, it’s also a massive divorce cybersecurity risk. Therefore, it’s important you update this info to something tougher and different.

Most couples will share their login info for sites with one another to make things easier. This might’ve been no problem before, but now your ex could potentially have access to a lot of your sensitive info. Take the time to go through your passwords, make updates as needed, and set up extra security measures like two-factor authentication.

Unplug for a bit

One of the simplest ways to boost your divorce cybersecurity is by just not using the internet! That way, you don’t have to worry about seeing any sort of nasty things your ex may be saying to you. Plus, it gives you an opportunity to step away and find some better, healthier outlets for your feelings.

Still, that can be a bit easier said than done. These days in particular, a lot of people need to keep connected online to do their jobs. If you’re in this sort of situation, try to limit your internet usage. Stick to the essentials for work, and stay away from things like social media.  

Unhealthy Marriage: Notable Signs

Many couples will get a divorce because they feel that they’re in an unhealthy marriage. However, some spouses aren’t sure of how they can tell when their problems have reached an unhealthy stage. Knowing some of the most-common signs can help you figure out if your marriage has taken a more negative and toxic turn…

Unhealthy Marriage: What To Look For

You’re no longer friends

In a healthy marriage, a couple will be good friends with each other. They’ll enjoy spending time together and can have fun just like they would with other friends. In an unhealthy marriage, you may find that you and your spouse aren’t the friends that you were before.

Instead, you may spend less and less time around one another. When you do hang out, you may feel awkward or even stressed out. Instead, you’d rather look for excuses as to why you can’t do things together. At this point, you can tell your marriage isn’t as strong as it should be.

You can’t compromise

It’s also important for any couple to be able to compromise. There’s going to be times where you and your spouse disagree. In these situations, you should try and work towards a compromise. Meeting in the middle will help you reach a solution which’ll work for the both of you.

With an unhealthy marriage, you may find it hard to compromise anymore. Rather, you’ll fight more often, potentially over pretty trivial matters. This can mean you and your partner don’t respect each other anymore, which is hard to recover from.

You feel “trapped”

Ideally, your marriage should make you feel happy and fulfilled. You’re excited about reaching future goals with your spouse by your side. In turn, you also help support your spouse with their goals, and achieve this growth together over time.

An unhealthy marriage will instead leave you feeling “trapped” and stuck in place. Now, you feel like your spouse doesn’t support what you want to do. In fact, you may not even envision them as part of your future plans anymore. If you feel like your marriage isn’t letting you live the life you want, then it may be because it isn’t healthy anymore.

Creative Bonding: Child Connections

Sometimes, divorce can cause your kids to become somewhat distant and withdrawn. When this happens, you might want to try some creative bonding exercises. These unique methods can help you start to re-connect with your kids…

Creative Bonding: Child Connections

Drawing & painting

Drawing and painting are both very good creative bonding techniques to use. These are some of the basics when it comes to looking for something creative to do with your kids. Plus, it’s something those especially young kids can do and still enjoy, making it very versatile.

Remember, thought, that you still want to make it fun and engaging for them. A good way to do this is by giving it structure. Try to pick some kind of theme or topic that the works will center around. Be sure to join in the process as well! You kids will love to have you a part of the process.

Spend some time outside

Technology certainly is popular these days, especially among those who are younger. However, it can also cause them to be more withdrawn. Sometimes, it can be useful to have them (and you) take a break from technology and do some creative bonding together outside.

Now, you don’t have to pull of some grand camping trip somewhere. After all, you want to make sure that your kids will enjoy the things you do. Try to start off smaller instead, by say going outside in the yard or to a nearby park. There’s a wide variety of outdoor games and activities you and your kids can do together.

Get into their interests

You surely have your fair share of hobbies or interests, and your kids certainly do as well. Therefore, what better way to get some creative bonding done than by talking to them about these interests? Kids tend to like it when their parents show some real, genuine interest into their hobbies and such.

It helps to do some research beforehand on what exactly your kids are into. That way, it shows them you’re serious about getting to know what they like. Doing so will make them much more likely to open up and get you involved in these interests.

Friendly Divorce: Keep The Peace

Many people assume that divorce is filled with arguments and quick tempers. However, it is possible to pull off a friendly divorce. By doing so, it becomes a lot easier for you and your ex to remain on good terms, and further your post-divorce cooperation…

Friendly Divorce: Keep The Peace

Try to avoid rough starts

There’s a lot of different reasons as to why couples divorce. Many of these reasons tend to be pretty negative and tend to be upsetting. Due to this, it could have your divorce start out pretty rough. Therefore, if you want a friendly divorce, it’s best to avoid this from happening.

It’s understandable that your emotions will be raw, and you may feel pretty upset at your partner. However, taking those feelings out on your partner won’t make things better. Rather, it’ll just make the whole process much harder. Instead, use other means besides your divorce process to get those stronger feelings processed.

Focus on the kids

Another way to ensure a friendly divorce is by thinking about your kids. While you and your soon-to-be-ex may have your differences, you can both agree on wanting what’s best for the kids. Because of this, it helps to use this shared goal as a basis for keeping your divorce low conflict.

Plus, this is a good way for you both to work on your teamwork. For instance, you’ll want to talk about the divorce to your kids together and reassure them that things will be okay. You’ll also have to discuss potential co-parenting plans. By working with the kids in mind, it’ll help you keep the divorce peaceful.

Commit to working together

It can be hard to sort out disagreements with your spouse at first. This can be especially true if you feel like the divorce is their fault. However, remember that a friendly divorce doesn’t mean you and your ex will see eye-to-eye on everything.

Rather, it means you’re willing to work with each other on a compromise. By being willing to meet in the middle on some things, you avoid those potentially nasty arguments. This keeps things between you peaceful, and plus it also encourages more collaboration down the line.

Divorce-Related Anger

The emotions that can come with divorce aren’t always pretty. One of the more nastier ones is divorce-related anger. This anger can have a negative impact on both you and your divorce process. Therefore, it’s helpful to know how you can get this anger under control…

Divorce-Related Anger

Directing the anger

People will direct their divorce-related anger in two ways: either at one’s ex, or at themselves. For the former, this usually occurs when the person blames their ex for the divorce. In their eyes, their ex is the one who seemingly gave up on them and their marriage. Even if they propose the divorce, they’ll blame their ex for leaving them no choice.

The later choice tends to occur when someone places all the divorce blame on themselves. They feel like they should’ve done more, or didn’t do something right, and now divorce is inevitable. Despite whatever their ex tells them, they will be angry at themselves for seemingly ruining everything.

Anger Impact

This divorce-related anger can have a serious impact on one’s divorce. For instance, if you’re angry at your ex, you might be less willing to work with them. In fact, some people even try to get “revenge” through the divorce process. The most extreme cases see this happening even after the divorce is over with.

Or, you might be constantly hard on yourself. As you place all the blame on your shoulders, your mental well-being will suffer. Plus, you may not even contest whatever your ex wants from the divorce, because you feel like you “deserve” to be punished for failing.

Handling this anger

Divorce-related anger is quite common, and so there’s many ways you can work on getting a handle on it. For instance, you might want to look for healthy outlets for your anger. This could be exercise, writing, meditation, or whatever works for you.

You can also try and meet with a therapist. A therapist can help you figure out what the root cause of your anger is. That way, you can work together to improve your mental health, and better improve yourself for your post-divorce life.

Home Buying Stress: Keeping Calm

There’s a lot of different things which can cause a couple to get a divorce. Among those reasons is home buying stress. While it can be exciting, buying a new home can also add tons of financial stress which can push couples to their breaking point. However, there are some ways you can minimize that stress…

Home Buying Stress

Budget realistically

One of the biggest sources of home buying stress comes from getting a house you struggle to afford. Worrying about making payments is going to seriously stress you and your partner out. Not only that, but it’s going to also limit how much money you can spend elsewhere too. Eventually, your new home can feel like a shackle rather than something to be excited for.

Therefore, you and your partner will need to sit down and seriously make a budget. You’ll want to keep it realistic and within your means. There’s also handy calculators which you can use to get a rough estimate of what sort of price you should be looking at.

Think about downsizing

Another source of home buying stress is getting something too big for your needs. Now, at first that might seem like it’s no real issue. After all, having extra space might seem nice at first. Still, that extra space will mean a higher mortgage, as well as more costly utility bills, which all add up cost-wise and stress-wise over time.

Due to this, don’t be afraid to downsize a bit. Of course, if you have kids, that might not be possible. But if it’s just you and your partner, then you can probably make due with a bit of a smaller house. That way, you spend less overall, and reduce the stress it might bring.

Pick a good agent

A good real estate agent makes a huge difference when trying to reduce home buying stress. Trying to buy a home on your own can be very daunting. With all the paperwork involved, it’s easy to misunderstand what exactly you might be signing for. Plus, you could end up with a house that has problems you weren’t aware of.

An agent specializes in helping you find a good home for your needs. They’ll know how to handle the paperwork and negotiate to get you a better price. Also, good ones will know how to talk to inspectors and contractors to make sure your house is in good shape.