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Divorce Conflict & Cause

Ideally, divorcing will be a smooth and peaceful process for both you and your ex. However, there are instances where divorce conflict can arise. By understanding what can cause this conflict, you’ll be able to better avoid it and calm things down in the future…

Divorce Conflict: Main Motivators

Unwilling to compromise

One of the biggest reasons for divorce conflict is an unwillingness to compromise. Nothing can be more frustrating than when one spouse isn’t willing to work together with the other. Showing a willingness to compromise means you’re willing to give up some of your wants in order to reach an agreement. If someone remains stubborn and refuses to do so, that’ll draw things out even further.

Of course, there are some things you or your ex may not want to compromise on. Still, there are probably some things you can meet in the middle for. Therefore, if your ex is willing to propose a compromise, give an effort to hear them out. It’s possible you can find some middle ground or agree on a separate compromise to get what you really want.

Poor communication

Issues with communication also tend to cause divorce conflict. Things tend to progress a lot more smoothly when you and your ex can talk to each other. That way, you both know exactly what the other person wants. However, if you end up fighting every time you meet, then this will just lead to more conflict and prevent any progress.

As a result, you should make improving communication a priority. Keep your conversations focused on what needs to be discussed and away from anything else which could cause tensions. Be sure to also remain respectful when talking to one another. If extra help is needed, it may be useful to consider using a mediator.

Trying to “win”

There’s a bit of a misconception that divorce is something you can “win.” Of course, you want to make sure you get a good and fair result. At the same time, you also don’t want to be very aggressive against your ex. Doing so can make them try and do the same and make your divorce conflict quite severe.

That’s why you should focus more on getting the result you’re happy with than trying to “punish” your ex. This will help your ex not feel like they’re on the defensive the entire time. Instead, it’ll encourage you both to work together.

How-to Get Your Finances in Order After a Divorce

Divorces can do a number on your finances. They can make you go from a dual-income to a single-income, change your tax and insurance situation or even add on unexpected debt and expenses. You may have to create new financial goals or even rebuild your credit. On top of that, you will have to be doing this all while juggling putting the pieces of your life back together. The key here is to be proactive and start working on getting your finances in order after a divorce as soon as you can.

How-to Get Your Finances in Order After a Divorce: Steps to Take

Budget

The first step to take to get your finances in order after a divorce is to evaluate your budget. The divorce could have resulted in a change in your household income, or you may have different expenses now. Whatever the current situation is, it will be helpful to look over your budget. If you do not have a budget already put together, now is a great time to create one. You need to be honest with yourself and build a budget that fits with your current circumstances. If your finances have changed but you continue to live your previous lifestyle, you will be headed towards financial trouble. You may have to end up needing to downsize your house or get a cheaper vehicle. Also, you may have to make other changes to your habits in order to set yourself up for financial success.

Credit

You will also want to work on building credit if you do not have a good credit score or your own credit history. If you did not have credit cards or a loan in your own name while you were married, start working on building your credit history ASAP. To qualify for a loan or rent a place to live, you will need to have a good credit score.

Keep in mind that you will often need credit to get credit. If you are unable to get a qualify for a traditional credit card on your own, there’ another option. Instead, you can apply for a secured credit card. These require you to deposit money that’s equal to your line of credit. Use this card to make small purchases and pay off the card on time each month. This will allow you build a good payment history and help your credit score. Be sure to remove your ex from any shared credit cards. Also, refinance your house so that only the person who is responsible for the payments is on the loan. This will prevent your ex from forgetting to make a payment or going into credit card debt and hurting your credit score.

By taking a few small steps, you can proactively get your finances in order after a divorce. Bt making an honest budget and sticking to it, plus building a strong credit history, you will be on the right track.

Children’s Hobbies Post-Divorce

Your divorce can be pretty rough on both you and the kids. For them, this can be a time where they feel a wide range of emotions which can impact their lives. Therefore, it’s good to encourage them to get into some children’s hobbies post-divorce. Doing so can help them in a few ways…

 Children’s Hobbies Post-Divorce: How They Help

Relieve some stress

One benefit of children’s hobbies post-divorce is how they help your kids relax. Odds are your divorce cause you a lot of stress throughout the process. However, it also probably placed a lot of stress onto your kids as well.

This stress can get worse for them as they try and adjust to the new way things are after the divorce. Unlike adults, children tend to struggle with managing this stress and this can cause them to act out in response. Having a hobby that they can get into and enjoy is a good way for them to relax and start to feel better again.

Make new friends

Another benefit of children’s hobbies post-divorce is the way they can encourage your kids to make new friends. Aside from stress, you kids can begin to feel sad and withdrawn as well. They’ll spend a lot of time alone in their rooms, not talking to others, and may even stop doing things such as their schoolwork.

A hobby can help your kids get back to being social and making new friends. Having a shared interest is one of the fastest and easiest ways for people of all ages to find friends. Once they start feeling more comfortable and happier with their friends, their mood around the house will also begin to improve.

Improve your connection

Children’s hobbies post-divorce can also be a way for you to improve your bond. A divorce tends to make kids question if things were somehow their fault. Spending time together via a hobby is a great way to show them that you still love them and that they didn’t do anything wrong.

For example, sports programs tend to be popular with kids and parents alike. Your kids get to play a sport they enjoy and make friends with their teammates, while you get to support and cheer for them at games. These are all great things for a child to have after having their parents divorce.

Divorce Cybersecurity: Improve Yours

In this day and age, staying safe online while divorcing is very important. That’s why it’s key you improve your divorce cybersecurity. Taking a few steps can really help protect you and your info online…

Divorce Cybersecurity: Changes To Make

Watch for cyberbullying

 Cyberbullying is one of the biggest reasons as to why you’ll want to have good divorce cybersecurity. Most people hear about cyberbullying in relation to when students at a school do it to someone else. In reality, it’s something which can occur to anyone, including adults.

Usually, cyberbullying is seen through repeated harassment and treats online, generally on social media. This can make you feel very depressed and lower your self-esteem. It’s a good idea to keep any records of this harassment, especially if it’s from your spouse, and then to block them and the accounts so you don’t have to see it anymore.  

Change your logins

A lot of people tend to use weak passwords and usernames for all of their online logins. While this makes it easy to memorize, it’s also a massive divorce cybersecurity risk. Therefore, it’s important you update this info to something tougher and different.

Most couples will share their login info for sites with one another to make things easier. This might’ve been no problem before, but now your ex could potentially have access to a lot of your sensitive info. Take the time to go through your passwords, make updates as needed, and set up extra security measures like two-factor authentication.

Unplug for a bit

One of the simplest ways to boost your divorce cybersecurity is by just not using the internet! That way, you don’t have to worry about seeing any sort of nasty things your ex may be saying to you. Plus, it gives you an opportunity to step away and find some better, healthier outlets for your feelings.

Still, that can be a bit easier said than done. These days in particular, a lot of people need to keep connected online to do their jobs. If you’re in this sort of situation, try to limit your internet usage. Stick to the essentials for work, and stay away from things like social media.  

Unhealthy Marriage: Notable Signs

Many couples will get a divorce because they feel that they’re in an unhealthy marriage. However, some spouses aren’t sure of how they can tell when their problems have reached an unhealthy stage. Knowing some of the most-common signs can help you figure out if your marriage has taken a more negative and toxic turn…

Unhealthy Marriage: What To Look For

You’re no longer friends

In a healthy marriage, a couple will be good friends with each other. They’ll enjoy spending time together and can have fun just like they would with other friends. In an unhealthy marriage, you may find that you and your spouse aren’t the friends that you were before.

Instead, you may spend less and less time around one another. When you do hang out, you may feel awkward or even stressed out. Instead, you’d rather look for excuses as to why you can’t do things together. At this point, you can tell your marriage isn’t as strong as it should be.

You can’t compromise

It’s also important for any couple to be able to compromise. There’s going to be times where you and your spouse disagree. In these situations, you should try and work towards a compromise. Meeting in the middle will help you reach a solution which’ll work for the both of you.

With an unhealthy marriage, you may find it hard to compromise anymore. Rather, you’ll fight more often, potentially over pretty trivial matters. This can mean you and your partner don’t respect each other anymore, which is hard to recover from.

You feel “trapped”

Ideally, your marriage should make you feel happy and fulfilled. You’re excited about reaching future goals with your spouse by your side. In turn, you also help support your spouse with their goals, and achieve this growth together over time.

An unhealthy marriage will instead leave you feeling “trapped” and stuck in place. Now, you feel like your spouse doesn’t support what you want to do. In fact, you may not even envision them as part of your future plans anymore. If you feel like your marriage isn’t letting you live the life you want, then it may be because it isn’t healthy anymore.

Creative Custody Arrangements

There are plenty of creative custody arrangements to explore if you and your ex-partner are having difficulty agreeing on a schedule. While many parents alternate weeks or use mid-week transfers, that doesn’t work for every family. It’s important to find the solution that works for your entire family so that you and your ex can co-parent successfully. Nesting and double-nesting are arrangements that are somewhat unusual but can work in some instances. You can also try different time blocks. Finally, some families decide to schedule around activities or even try to change up their work schedules to make custody changes easier. Finding your groove as co-parents will be easier if you have a custody arrangement that makes everybody happy.

Creative Custody Arrangements: Finding What Works for Your Family

Nesting

Nesting is one of the newer creative custody arrangements that is becoming more and more popular. When couples nest, they keep the children in the family home. The parents then rotate living in the family home with the kids and living on their own. This way, the children’s lives are less disrupted. However, it requires a lot of cooperation between co-parents.

Double-Nesting

Another creative custody arrangement that some couples choose is double-nesting. This is similar to nesting in that the children stay in the same home. However, in this situation, both parents remain in the home and live as roommates. Many have certain areas of the home that are theirs and then share a common space with the kids.

Two-Week or Creative Time Blocks

Creative custody arrangements can also involve switching up the time blocks. There’s no rule that you have to follow 24-hour schedules. Depending on your job, it might make more sense for one parent to take care of the children in the morning and switch with the other each afternoon. You can also stretch out the alternating weeks to alternating every two weeks or whatever works best.

Scheduling Around Activities or Work

Finally, another creative custody arrangement involves planning custody specifically around children’s activities. This is often helpful for families with older children that are spending more and more time in activities or sports. It might be easiest for one parent to have the children more during their sports season, and then swap after the season ends. Some parents also choose to arrange custody based on their work schedules or childcare needs.

Finding which creative custody arrangements work for your family can take a little trial and error. Just don’t feel like you have to follow traditional custody solutions if they don’t work with your family or schedule. Explore other options to find what works best for everybody. You can try nesting or double-nesting if you and your ex are on excellent terms. Or you can get creative with the time blocks of custody. And finally, some families choose to arrange custody based on their work schedules or kids’ activities. It’s important to find the fit that is right for your family so that this difficult time of transition is as easy as possible for everybody.

Long-Term Financial Goals for Your Marriage

There are many potential long-term financial goals for your marriage that you and your spouse should be talking about as soon as you get married. Many couples begin talking about finances before they’re even engaged. Making discussions about money a normal part of your marriage will give you the tool you need to tackle financial ups and downs throughout your marriage. Paying off debt should be top of the list, followed by creating an emergency fund. In addition, many couples want to save for retirement and end-of-life care. And finally, you’ll probably want to set your children up for financial success as well. By working together towards these financial goals, the two of you can keep each other accountable with spending so that you can enjoy the life you want.

Long-Term Financial Goals for Your Marriage: Saving for the Future

Pay Off Debt

One of the most important long-term financial goals for your marriage should be to pay off debt. This might be debt from irresponsible spending, debt from schooling, or many other things. However, the important thing is creating a plan to pay it off. Try to give yourself a set timeline and work backward from there. And try to avoid the blame game, but instead, work together to build healthy spending habits.

Create an Emergency Fund

Another of the long-term financial goals for your marriage might be to create an emergency fund. This is money that you save away in case of medical emergencies, car emergencies, or the loss of a job. Sometimes job losses come out of nowhere and couples that do not have emergency savings are left without many options. Try to save up enough to have three to six months’ worth of income squirreled away.

Save for Retirement

Of course, saving for retirement is one of the long-term financial goals for your marriage. However, it’s also important to remember that retirement isn’t just playing golf and relaxing. You might need to save for medical expenses, care facilities, or even end-of-life care. Funeral expenses alone can cost many thousands of dollars. Try to put all of this in your budget so that these expenses do not fall upon family members. And of course, you’ll want to enjoy yourself too so try to make a plan for budgeting for travel or other fun expenses.

Set Your Children Up for Success

Finally, one of the long-term financial goals for your marriage, if you have children, might be to set them up financially for success. This doesn’t mean giving them a trust fund so they never have to work. However, it might mean paying for their college or a portion of it so that they can avoid student debt. Or saving up to pay for their wedding. Or it might mean investing in some companies or real estate that you’d like to pass down to them eventually.

Creating long-term financial goals for your marriage is a healthy thing for couples to do. You should both have an overall understanding of your financial health as a couple. So making money talks a part of your marriage from early on can be very helpful. Try to work together to pay off debt and create an emergency fund. In addition, begin saving for retirement and end-of-life care early on so that you can enjoy yourself later in life. And finally, many parents want to set their children up for financial success as well. Hopefully, by working together, you can accomplish your financial goals and make your future as bright as possible.

Starting Your First Marriage Counseling Session

Your first marriage counseling session might have you feeling nervous. However, there’s no need to be, because the goal is to help you in your relationship. Some couples choose to speak to marriage counselors when they are navigating difficult situations or when they are fighting. And others make it a part of their routine. Whatever the reason that brings you in, you should know that it can be uncomfortable at times. You’ll have to talk and be honest about your emotions. You might have homework to take home. But it will get easier the more sessions you do with your spouse. You’ll learn to communicate better and will learn all the benefits of therapy in your marriage.

Starting Your First Marriage Counseling Session: What to Expect

It Can Be Awkward

Going into your first marriage counseling session it’s good to know ahead of time that it can be awkward. It can be uncomfortable talking about deeply personal matters with a person that doesn’t know you well. Especially when talking about intimacy, sex, and other details of your love life. Your therapist is very used to it and likely has heard it all before. So don’t be embarrassed to bear it all in your session.

You’ll Have to Talk

Another thing to know when going in for your first marriage counseling session is that you’ll have to be honest about things and talk about emotions. If you typically are a pretty private person, this can be intimidating. But counseling requires some effort from both you and your spouse. Your therapist can’t help you unless they know the full story.

You’ll Have Homework

You might have homework after your first marriage counseling session and after subsequent meetings. It’s very common for therapists to send clients home with activities to do together as a couple. You might be asked to keep a journal, make a list for the next session, or do something outside your meeting with your spouse. It’s difficult to see real change in a marriage just from counseling: you need to practice what you’re learning in your day-to-day life.

It Will Get Easier

Finally, you should know going into your first marriage counseling session that it will get easier and easier. Your counselor will get to know you as a couple, and you’ll become more comfortable sharing. Hopefully, you’ll get to a place where you feel very comfortable discussing your feelings with your therapist.

Your first marriage counseling session doesn’t need to be anything to dread. You might be there just as a way of strengthening an already happy marriage. Or you might be there as a last-ditch effort to prevent divorce. Either way, you should expect the same things. You’ll need to be honest and open about your feelings, and you’ll have to talk during your session. You might have homework to do before your next sessions. It can be awkward for many people at the beginning, but things will get easier as you become more comfortable with your counselor. Hopefully, you and your partner can get a lot of great advice for your marriage and work out any issues in a healthy way.

Connecting More with Your Spouse

Improving your marriage is all about connecting more with your spouse. If you feel like things have been a little rocky lately, now is the time to take action before it’s too late. If discussions of divorce have already started popping up, try some of these tips to see if there is still a chance to save your marriage. The most important thing to remember when trying to connect to somebody is to be a good listener. In addition, make time for your spouse in a way that gives you solid quality time together. Learn each other’s love languages so that you can improve your communication. And finally, reach out for professional help from a marriage counselor. Hopefully, you and your partner will be able to deepen your connection and save your marriage.

Connecting More with Your Spouse: Giving It Your Best Shot

Learn to Listen

Connecting more with your spouse, or really anybody is all about learning to listen. And that doesn’t mean just being quiet while they talk. It means giving thought to the things they’re saying, taking an interest in their interests, and engaging with them respectfully. Don’t just listen to find an opening to talk to yourself. A lot of marriages might be saved if partners learned better ways to listen to one another.

Make Distraction-Free Time

Connecting more with your spouse won’t be possible unless you put in the time and effort. And that means making space in your schedule for the two of you. Spending time alone engaging in conversation and trying to deepen your relationship will make your marriage stronger. Just make sure that your time together is distraction-free. Turn off your phones and find a sitter for the kids.

Learn Their Love Language

Another thing that can be very helpful in connecting more with your spouse is to learn their love language. Everybody shows and receives messages of love in different ways. The love language idea is that we all have certain expressions that work best for us. The options are quality time, physical touch, acts of service, gift giving, and words of praise. Even if you and your partner have different love languages, learning to ”speak” to them in theirs will improve your relationship.

Get Help

Finally, connecting more with your spouse might be hard for the two of you to do on your own. So don’t feel hesitant to enlist the help of a professional. Marriage counselors are trained in helping couples learn to connect more. They’ll probably work on your communication skills and give you ways to cope with disagreements. If your partner is reluctant, you can still get benefits from therapy even if you go on your own.

Connecting more with your spouse is a great way to strengthen your relationship and also turn things around if it feels like your marriage is in danger. Connecting often means just taking a step back and learning how to listen more to your partner. A lot of this can depend on your various love languages. In addition, your communication skills are so important in a marriage. Enlist the help of a trained marriage counselor to help you with those and other important relationship-strengthening exercises. Hopefully, the two of you can put in the effort and time to turn things around and make your marriage stronger than ever.

Celebrating Your Divorce: It’s Okay to Be Happy

While some might consider celebrating your divorce a bit taboo, there are plenty of reasons to be grateful it’s over. While the end of a marriage can be a sad time for some, others feel relieved. It’s perfectly fine to feel any emotion about the end of your divorce, but some situations might make you even more excited to be done. For example, some people simply aren’t right for each other, and marriage can create a lot of tension. In addition, many are excited about the prospect of focusing on themselves in a new chapter of their lives. You might also be celebrating if you were in an abusive relationship. Because hopefully now, you will be safe. And finally, even if you mourn the end of your marriage, it’s still okay to be excited that the divorce process is over. It’s perfectly fine to celebrate your divorce. And now that it’s over, you can focus on your priorities more.

Celebrating Your Divorce: It’s Okay to Be Happy It’s Over

Some Marriages Aren’t Right

Some marriages simply are not happy unions, so getting out of one might be a reason you’re celebrating your divorce. While it might feel like love early on, people change and so do circumstances. Many marriages fail because partners grow apart or begin resenting one another. If you are in an unhappy relationship, it’s perfectly fine to feel a sense of relief when it is over.

Time for a New You

Another reason you might be celebrating your divorce is that now is the time to start a new chapter in your life. So many people feel like they have to prioritize their partner’s needs ahead of their own or have spouses that are not supportive of their goals. If this is your situation, you might be excited about the prospect of finally getting to focus on your own needs for a change. You might also be excited about the idea of meeting somebody new who will be a better fit for you.

Getting Yourself to Safety

Unfortunately, sometimes relationships are not only rocky, but they’re also downright abusive. If you are getting out of a dangerous or abusive environment, you’re probably celebrating your divorce. Especially if you have children that you are also getting to safety. Abuse can take many forms, not just physical violence. Plenty of victims experience emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and financial abuse. Getting safely out of any sort of abusive relationship is a cause for celebration.

The Divorce Process is Stressful

Finally, the divorce process itself is incredibly stressful. It can feel overwhelming at times and drag on and on, bringing out the worst in everybody. Even if you are mourning the end of your marriage, you might still be celebrating your divorce. You’re finally done with the legal process and can move on to other priorities in your life.

The divorce process can bring out many different emotions. It’s perfectly fine to mourn the end of your marriage, feel confused about your future, or even be celebrating your divorce. Especially if you are getting out of a bad or dangerous marriage. Even if your marriage was healthy for a while, divorce can bring out the worst in everybody. You might be excited to be able to start a new chapter in your life, and maybe even meet somebody new. And if you were in an abusive relationship, finally being free of it can feel like a huge relief. Even if you are upset about the end of your marriage, the divorce process itself can be painful. It’s okay to be happy that it’s over. Now is the time to focus on yourself, find your new identity apart from your ex, and begin the next part of your life.