Category: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Divorce-Related Anger

The emotions that can come with divorce aren’t always pretty. One of the more nastier ones is divorce-related anger. This anger can have a negative impact on both you and your divorce process. Therefore, it’s helpful to know how you can get this anger under control…

Divorce-Related Anger

Directing the anger

People will direct their divorce-related anger in two ways: either at one’s ex, or at themselves. For the former, this usually occurs when the person blames their ex for the divorce. In their eyes, their ex is the one who seemingly gave up on them and their marriage. Even if they propose the divorce, they’ll blame their ex for leaving them no choice.

The later choice tends to occur when someone places all the divorce blame on themselves. They feel like they should’ve done more, or didn’t do something right, and now divorce is inevitable. Despite whatever their ex tells them, they will be angry at themselves for seemingly ruining everything.

Anger Impact

This divorce-related anger can have a serious impact on one’s divorce. For instance, if you’re angry at your ex, you might be less willing to work with them. In fact, some people even try to get “revenge” through the divorce process. The most extreme cases see this happening even after the divorce is over with.

Or, you might be constantly hard on yourself. As you place all the blame on your shoulders, your mental well-being will suffer. Plus, you may not even contest whatever your ex wants from the divorce, because you feel like you “deserve” to be punished for failing.

Handling this anger

Divorce-related anger is quite common, and so there’s many ways you can work on getting a handle on it. For instance, you might want to look for healthy outlets for your anger. This could be exercise, writing, meditation, or whatever works for you.

You can also try and meet with a therapist. A therapist can help you figure out what the root cause of your anger is. That way, you can work together to improve your mental health, and better improve yourself for your post-divorce life.

Post-Divorce Writing: Expressing Yourself

Feelings of depression are pretty common after a divorce. Shaking those negative feelings can be pretty hard. However, one thing which you might find helpful is doing some post-divorce writing. Taking some time to write can help you feel better in a few different ways…

Post-Divorce Writing

Get your feelings out

One thing post-divorce writing helps with is getting your feelings out. Aside from feelings of depression, you may also feel pretty upset, angry, or anxious. Bottling up those feelings can end up making them worse over time, before they eventually reach a breaking point. Therefore, it’s useful to have an outlet.

Writing will allow for you to have a way to get those emotions out of your body and onto paper. It might seem simple, but it actually can help quite a bit. As you continue to write, you’ll start to feel better and think clearer, and can start to work on healing.

Track your progress

Another useful thing about post-divorce writing is how you can use it to track your progress. Sometimes, people will think that they aren’t making any progress moving forwards after their divorce. This can keep them stuck in a bit of a rut, which creates a self-fulfilling cycle.

However, if you keep a journal or diary, then you’ll have some physical proof of the progress you’re making. As you fill it out, you can easily go back and see where you started and how far you’ve come. This can help give you the motivation you might need to continue making your progress.

Express your creativity

Post-divorce writing also gives you a way to express your more creative side. Many people like to try and get into new hobbies after their divorce, and the arts are definitely one of them. Writing in particular can be a type of activity you might find yourself interested in.

For instance, maybe you try to write some poetry. Or, perhaps you try writing some kind of short stories. Don’t worry about them being something others have to read. As long as you enjoy writing them, then that’s all that matters.

Initial Months Post-Divorce: Making Changes

Those initial months post-divorce can be some of the hardest to adjust to. Going from being married to being single again isn’t always an easy task. However, there are some things you can do to make the process easier on yourself…

Initial Months Post-Divorce: How To Adapt

Stay occupied

You’ll probably notice that you have a lot of free time during those initial months post-divorce. For some, this can be a negative, as they spend this time thinking negatively about what’s happened. Rather than do other things, they’ll end up stuck in a rut feeling pretty low. One helpful way to avoid this is by keeping yourself busy.

Staying busy will help keep your mind off of the divorce. While it’s good to have days where you take some time and reflect, you don’t want everyday to be like there. Therefore, try to look for some new hobbies or activities which can keep you occupied. Plus, you’ll find that having something fun to do will encourage more positive thinking.

Have good support

It’s also good to not try and push through those initial months post-divorce on your own. After all, you probably had some help making it through your divorce. Therefore, don’t forget to keep that support going even after it’s over. Having that extra help can really help you feel better and more optimistic for the future.

Your friends and family will be an excellent source of support. They know who you are, and you know that you can trust them to look out for you. Still, if you’d like some specialized support, try meeting with a counselor or a divorce support group as well.

 Take things slowly

In the initial months post-divorce, you’ll probably have plenty of people offering their advice as to what you should do. While they may have good intentions, they won’t fully understand how you feel. As a result, you should take things slowly and do what’s best for you.

For instance, maybe some people will ask if you’ve thought about dating again. Of course, that’s not something they need to worry about. Rather, that’s something you should only do when you feel comfortable. Having that kind of mindset can help you avoid feeling “pressured” by what other people say.

Running into Your Ex at Social Events

Running into your ex at social events can be incredibly awkward, but it’s important to know how to handle these situations. It’s likely that at some point you will come across your ex-spouse at a mutual friend’s wedding or another event. In this situation, you don’t want to end up letting your drama with your ex take priority. Try to keep things short with them and don’t engage in too much conversation. Avoid heavy drinking as alcohol can often make the situation much worse. Don’t allow drama and try not to let your interaction become a focus for everybody. And finally, if you feel like you aren’t ready to be around your ex, just make a polite excuse and leave. Hopefully, you and your ex will be able to keep things civil so that you can both enjoy social events with mutual friends.

Running into Your Ex at Social Events: Avoid a Scene

Keep it Short

Running into your ex at social events can be awkward but the best thing is to just keep your interaction short. Don’t avoid them or you’ll wind up bringing more attention to your situation. Instead, acknowledge them or say hello but try not to engage in conversation. You don’t want to let things get out of hand and air your dirty laundry for other guests to hear.

Avoid Alcohol

Alcohol can make any situation more dramatic, so running into your ex at social events is not a time to drink heavily. Even if you normally feel like you are in control of your emotions around your ex, alcohol can inhibit you more than usual. Therefore, if you see your ex, make sure to keep the drinking to a minimum so you don’t elevate the problem.

Don’t Allow Drama

Running into your ex can be awkward for you both, but it can also sometimes be awkward for other guests. Especially if they know that tensions are high. However, don’t allow your interactions to become the focus of attention. Instead, acknowledge each other and act maturely by keeping things civil. Don’t air your dirty laundry for others to hear. A social event with a crowd is not the place to rehash old arguments, so just keep it brief with your ex.

Leave

Finally, if running into your ex is too difficult for you to bear, then it’s perfectly fine to leave. Your host will understand if it’s painful for you to be around your ex-spouse. Especially if the divorce is still fresh or if it was very bitter. They would probably rather you make a quick exit than stay and allow the event to turn into a showdown between you and your ex. Prioritize your mental health and make a quick getaway if you need to.

Running into your ex at a wedding or social event can be jolting, especially if you weren’t expecting to see them. Take a moment to find a calm mental space and say a quick but polite hello. Try to keep things brief with them so that you don’t begin rehashing old arguments in front of others. Avoid drinking alcohol can escalate the situation. Keep the focus on the social event instead of the drama of running into your ex. And finally, if you feel like you aren’t ready to be around your ex-spouse, then it’s fine to leave. It’s okay to prioritize your mental wellness over a social event. Hopefully, someday soon you and your ex will get a place where you can be around each other and enjoy social events with mutual friends.

How to Be Polite with an Ex After Divorce

It can be nearly impossible to be polite with an ex after divorce. Tensions are running high and there might be a lot of hurt feelings and resentment there. However, if you co-parent with them, you’ll need to figure out how to be cordial at least. Get in the right headspace before you see them and prepare yourself mentally. Have a plan before you go and stay on topic – don’t let them sidetrack you. Keep it short and sweet, the sooner you can get away the less chance of a blowup. And finally, if you are stressing about seeing them, bring a friend with you. They are less likely to create a scene if there is somebody there to watch. Hopefully, you and your ex can figure out how to co-exist in the same space. Often it just takes a little time and distance so that you both can heal from the divorce a bit.

How to Be Polite with an Ex After Divorce: Keeping Your Cool

Get in the Right Headspace

If you want to be polite with an ex, set yourself up for success. Prepare mentally before you’re going to see them. Try to listen to calming music or meet in a place that makes you feel relaxed. Don’t try to meet with them on a day when you’re already stressed. And try to allow time for the meeting so that you aren’t rushed as that can ramp up your anxiety.

Have a Plan

It’s easier to be polite with an ex if you just stay on topic. Prepare whatever you need to discuss with them ahead of time. You can even send them a quick text before your meeting outlining the things you two need to talk about. Don’t let them sidetrack you or stray off-topic. You’re more likely to get into an emotional situation if you let them take you off on a tangent.

Keep it Short

Keep it short and sweet if you’re wanting to be polite with an ex. The less time you’re around them, the less time you have to get into an argument. Get in and get out. Make plenty of time for them so that you don’t seem rushed, but try to wrap up the conversation as quickly as you can.

Bring a Friend

Finally, if you are worried that you won’t be able to be polite with an ex after your divorce, bring a friend for support. They and you will be less likely to get into an emotional confrontation if there’s somebody there to watch it all. You might not always need to bring back-up, but it can be helpful for the first few times you meet with them.

It’s difficult (and nearly impossible sometimes) to be polite with an ex after a divorce. There is usually a lot of bad blood between you. However, there are likely things that you’ll need to discuss with them eventually. And if you’re co-parenting, you’ll be coordinating with them for years to come. So it’s important to figure out how to maintain some friendliness. Get yourself in the right mentality ahead of time by starting from a calm place. Make a list of the things you need to discuss and prioritize those. Be quick and stay on point so that you don’t stray into emotional waters. And finally, if you are stressed, then bring a friend with you for some support. Hopefully, you and your ex will learn to co-exist peacefully so that running into them is not an emotional or stressful situation in the future.

Recovering From an Abusive Relationship

Recovering from an abusive relationship can be a long and difficult process. It takes time and healing, as well as support. Don’t try to rush things, and instead take plenty of time to process your feelings after your previous relationship. Surround yourself with supportive people and seek out a therapist to help guide you. Take things very slow with any future relationships so that you can spot red flags quickly before things get serious. And finally, don’t forget to take some time to focus on yourself and do things that make you feel happy. Abusive relationships can create long-lasting scars but if you can get the support you need, you can heal and move on to more healthy relationships in the future.

Recovering From an Abusive Relationship: Getting Healthy

Take Time to Heal

Recovering from an abusive relationship is a long process. Don’t expect to be emotionally healed in just a short time. Abuse can often leave you feeling insecure and unsure of yourself moving forward. Abusers try their best to take away control from their victims. Don’t try to rush things, but instead take the time to heal fully before moving on with any new relationships.

Therapy

Therapy can be incredibly helpful if you are recovering from an abusive relationship. A trained therapist can help you address the emotions you are feeling in healthy ways. They might give you helpful tips on dealing with stress and feelings of insecurity. Make sure you find a counselor that you feel comfortable with and who has experience in this subject.

Go Slow With Next Relationship

After recovering from an abusive relationship, make sure to take things slow in the future. This way, you can spot red flags early on in the relationship before things are serious. For example, if your partner seems overly controlling, it can be a serious warning sign. Make sure that you feel entirely comfortable with your new partner at every stage of the relationship before moving to the next one.

You Time

Finally, when recovering from an abusive relationship, take some time to focus on yourself. Try to find an activity that makes you feel confident and happy. Starting a new hobby will you give you goals to reach for and celebrate when you hit them. In abusive relationships, everything often revolves around the abuser, so now it’s time to focus on yourself.

Recovering from an abusive relationship can be a difficult journey, but you will get there in the end as long as you find the right support. Just don’t try to rush things. Take plenty of time to process your feelings about the relationship and address any painful emotions. Seek out a therapist who can help you work through these emotional hurdles. Take things slow with future relationships and make sure that you are comfortable every step of the way. And finally, take some time to focus on yourself and do things that make you feel happy and confident. Moving on after an abusive relationship can take a while, but you must get the support you need to begin realizing that the abuse was not your fault so you can move on to healthier relationships in the future.

Dealing with Emotional Abuse

Dealing with emotional abuse in a relationship can be a difficult journey, however, you must get the help you need. If your partner is abusive physically or emotionally, you need to try to get help. Otherwise, you will stay unhappy forever. Find somebody you trust and ask for their help. Focus on yourself and find things that give you confidence. Avoid engaging with your abuser and set boundaries with them. And while doing all of this, try to work out an exit plan for leaving the relationship. Abusers rarely stop their abuse, and sometimes it can escalate into more dangerous situations. Get the help you need to get out of the relationship so that you can find somebody who will respect you more.

Dealing with Emotional Abuse: How to Feel Better

Get Support from Somebody You Trust

When dealing with emotional abuse, it’s helpful to find a support person that you trust. Go to a close friend or family member and tell them what has been going on. Hopefully, they can help you find a source of help. They might be able to help you work out a way of getting out of the relationship safely. You can also speak to a therapist if you are uncomfortable sharing with a friend.

Focus on Yourself

Another important thing to take time to do when dealing with emotional abuse is to focus on yourself. Emotional abusers generally like to make their victims feel shame and embarrassment. Find something that gives you confidence and makes you feel happy. Maybe there’s a new hobby that you’ve been wanting to try out or an old one that you’d like to pick back up.

Avoid Engaging

Avoid engaging with your abuser when dealing with emotional abuse. If they begin starting an argument, set clear boundaries. For example, you can tell them that if they begin insulting you that you are walking away. Then follow through after. If they start insulting, leave and walk away. Try not to engage with the abuse as much as possible.

Work Out an Exit Plan

Finally, one last thing to consider when dealing with emotional abuse is working out an exit plan. An abusive relationship is not a healthy relationship. You deserve to be with somebody who respects you and cherishes you. In addition, emotional abuse can sometimes escalate into physical abuse. Try to find a safe way to leave the relationship without getting yourself hurt. Enlist the help of a friend or the national abuse hotline for assistance.

When dealing with emotional abuse, it’s important to find a way to keep yourself happy and confident. Your abuser might try their hardest to bring you down, but it’s important to find things that give you happiness. Reach out to a friend, family member, or therapist to help you. Find a hobby or distraction to focus on that makes you feel confident. Avoid engaging with your abuser whenever possible. And finally, try to work out a safe way to exit the relationship. You deserve to be with somebody that respects you and that you can trust. Hopefully, you’ll be able to safely leave your abuser and move on to a much more healthy relationship in the future.

Outsider Clues to Abuse in a Relationship

Outsider clues to abuse in a relationship can be very helpful if you suspect somebody you know is a victim of domestic abuse. Often people in this situation are embarrassed or ashamed and don’t want to come forward. Or they might be worried about what effect it will have on their partner. If you are concerned about a friend, look for sudden behavior changes. Sometimes this also shows up in clothing style changes as well. If you feel uncomfortable around their partner, it’s probably your gut telling you something is wrong. And finally, if they start drinking or using drugs, it’s a warning sign that they are hurting. Hopefully, you can help them get the help they need.

Outsider Clues to Abuse in a Relationship: Is Somebody You Know in Need of Help?

Behavior Changes

One of the outside clues to abuse that might have led you to even start researching this is sudden behavior changes. If your previously-happy friend is suddenly acting depressed, it might be a sign that something is wrong in their relationship. If this is true, they might get overly defensive. Or they might have trouble finding their words or seem reluctant to talk about their dating life. Another clue is if they seem to have little time for you, are acting rushed, or cancel frequently. This might be a sign that their partner is overly controlling.

Style Changes

Another of the outsider clues to abuse in a relationship is a sudden style change. Of course, plenty of people change their clothing style often. However, if your friend is suddenly wearing clothes that seem very out of character, it might be a warning sign. Often overly controlling partners want their victims to dress very conservatively so that they’re covered up. And of course, if they are being physically abused, they might wear clothing to cover up injuries.

If You Are Uncomfortable Around Their Partner

If you feel uncomfortable around your friend’s new partner, it might be your gut telling you something. Trust your instincts if things feel off. Some outsider clues to abuse might be if your friend looks to their partner before answering or talking. Or if they seem to be uncomfortable around them or “pretending” too hard that all is well. You might also notice if their behaviors and mannerisms change when they’re in the presence of their partner.

Drinking or Substance Abuse

Finally, one of the outsider clues to abuse to watch for is if your friend starts abusing alcohol or drugs. If you can’t find any source of their unhappiness, but they’re suddenly drinking more heavily, it’s probably a clue that something is wrong. Often it is an issue with the relationship. Let them know that you will be there to support them if they’d like your help in quitting.

If you suspect that a friend might be in an abusive relationship, outsider clues to abuse can help you figure it out. If your friend changes their behavior all of a sudden or starts dressing differently, it might be a warning sign. Another red flag is if you get a bad feeling about your partner or notice that they act strangely around them. And finally, if they suddenly start drinking or using drugs. If you notice any of these signs in your friend, it might be worth it to set aside time to talk to them privately about their relationship. Know that victims sometimes are too afraid to come forward, so they may not tell you everything that’s going on. But it’s helpful to reassure them all the same that you can help. Hopefully, they’ll remember your offer and be brave enough to accept your help later.

How to Keep Children Safe from Physical Abuse

If you are in an abusive relationship, it’s important to keep children safe from physical abuse. Sometimes abuse can escalate quickly. If you are trying to find a way to safely exit the relationship, you need a way to protect your children in the meantime. While you work on a safe way to leave, create a plan with your children. Practice a safe word and give them tips for protecting themselves. Teach them to not intervene. And finally, reassure them frequently that you will always believe them if they come to you with problems. Hopefully, you can find some support to help you find a safe way to leave your abuser. You and your child will be much better off, not to mention, much safer.

How to Keep Children Safe from Physical Abuse: Protect Them While You Make a Plan

Get Away from Abuser

The most important thing to keep children safe from physical abuse is to leave your abuser as soon as the abuse starts. If you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship and it turns violent, it’s time to leave. Emotional abuse is not okay either, but physical abuse puts you and your children at risk. Find somebody you trust to help you make an exit plan.

Have a Plan

Another thing to help keep children safe from physical abuse is to make a plan with your children. You should teach them a safe place to go if anything starts to happen in front of them. In addition, teach them to find a safe place in the house to hide. Make sure it’s a place that doesn’t have dangerous objects like a kitchen. It’s also a great idea to make a safe word with them so that if they hear it they know to go to a pre-determined safe place. Enlist the help of a neighbor or somebody you trust to be a safe haven for them. Make sure that they memorize their phone numbers.

They Are Not to Intervene

It’s also important to help keep children safe from physical abuse by making sure that they understand not to intervene. Witnessing violence can have damaging lasting effects on children. Not only does it scare them, but it can upset them to see you frightened. Teach them not to intervene under any circumstances. Instead, they should find a safe place to go. Make sure they know techniques to calm down, and of course, make sure they know how to dial 911.

Reassurance

Finally, one last thing to help keep children safe from physical abuse is to make sure that they know they can trust you with anything. Children need to know that you will believe them no matter what they say. If they come to you and reveal that your partner is abusive, you need to take them at their word and investigate further. They need to know that they can trust you. This is a difficult time for them and they need you by their side.

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, you must make sure to keep children safe from physical abuse. The absolute most important thing to do is to get away from your abuser as soon as you can. However, it’s important to make sure that you do this in a safe way that doesn’t put you at further risk. Create a plan just for your child in case abuse starts when they are present. Have a safe word for them to either hide in a safe place or leave the house and get help. Make sure they know not to intervene. And of course, make sure that they know that you will believe them if they come to you with problems. Hopefully, you’ll be able to get some support and find a way to safely exit the relationship so that you and your child can be safer and happier.

The Emotions of Divorce: The Ups and Downs

There are so many emotions of divorce that you might be feeling. Divorce has been compared to the death of a loved one. And just like with grief, you’re likely to experience an entire range of emotions. You might feel relief, anger, hurt, guilt, resentment, happiness, and anything in between. One of the ways to cope that can be very helpful is to seek out a therapist. You might also try journaling to organize your thoughts. And many find it helpful to make time for their social life again and re-connect with friends or re-focus on other relationships. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the emotions surrounding your divorce, know that you are not alone and that there is help out there.

The Emotions of Divorce: The Ups and Downs and How to Cope with Them

What’s “Normal?”

First of all, there is no “normal” when it comes to the emotions of divorce. Some people are relieved at the end of their marriage, while others grieve. And some don’t even know how they’re feeling, or change from moment to moment. It’s perfectly normal for you to cycle through emotions constantly after a divorce. For example, one minute you might feel excited about the opportunities ahead of you, and the next you are crying because you miss your ex. All of these emotions are normal and valid.

Coping Through Therapy

One way to cope with the emotions of divorce is to try going to therapy. Many find that a therapist can help them see a different perspective on their divorce. They will likely give you some coping mechanisms to try. In addition, they are often a source of advice when it comes to interacting with your ex in the future. They can help you learn to better communicate with them to make a co-parenting relationship more successful.

Coping Through Journaling

Many find that journaling is very helpful with dealing with the emotions of divorce. Journaling is easy to do and doesn’t need to take much time. If you get into the habit of daily journaling, you can keep your entries as short or long as you like. Some people also find it helpful to write inspirational things or affirmations in their journals as a daily reminder. Journaling can help you organize your thoughts and help you see the bigger picture on some things.

Coping Through Social Interaction

Finally, one last coping mechanism for the emotions of divorce is to focus on other relationships. It’s likely that during the stress of divorce you might not have had as much time for other people as usual. Maybe friends have fallen by the wayside or you’ve even been too busy to give your kids all the attention you’d like. Take time now that the divorce is final to focus on these relationships. It will give you a sense of purpose and also be a distraction.

The emotions of divorce can feel overwhelming at times, and that’s normal. You might cycle between all the stages of grief several times in a day. There are many coping mechanisms to help you handle the stress, but you need to figure out what works best for your personality. For example, maybe seeing a therapist would be particularly helpful for you. Or maybe you need to organize your thoughts by putting pen to paper. And yet others might feel restored after a long lunch with friends. However, you choose to cope with your emotions, know that you are not alone in feeling emotional after a divorce. Hopefully, in time, you’ll start to feel less overwhelmed and will be able to look at the positive side of things and view your divorce as a new beginning.