Category: family

Recovering Financially from the Holidays

Recovering financially from the holidays can take some time. From gifts, to going out with friends, or hosting parties, the holidays can be extremely expensive. And even if you planned out a budget, it’s easy to go a little overboard. It’s helpful to look back at your overall spending to get an idea of how you need to adjust your budget for next year’s holidays. Create a budget based on the money you have coming in and going out each month and stick to it. Finally, fix unhealthy spending habits and start focusing on things like paying off debt and reining in spending. Hopefully, you can reset and start focusing on saving so that next year’s holidays don’t put such a large dent in your wallet.

Recovering Financially from the Holidays: Getting Back on Budget

Look at the Overall Spending

One thing that can be extremely helpful when recovering financially from the holidays is looking at your overall spending. Make a list of how much you spent on things like gifts, cooking, hosting any events, holiday activities, decorations, and traveling expenses. Getting organized and figuring out exactly how much you spent can help you with creating a more realistic budget for next year.

Make Changes for Next Year 

Recovering financially from the holidays also means making a plan to not take such a financial hit next year. Once you see how much you spent on everything this year, go ahead and make yourself a budget for next year. Take that number and divide it by however many months between now and when you need the money again (usually November so that you can begin purchasing gifts). That will give you an idea of how much you need to set aside each month so that you have all of the money already saved by the time the holidays roll around again. You can also divide it up by paychecks between now and then.

Create a Budget

Figuring out your finances in genera is easier if you have a budget. To create one, begin by taking a look at all of the money you make each month. This can include revenue from any side gigs, your job, stocks, or any other money you have coming in. Then, look at the amount of money you typically spend in a month. Look at things like rent, utilities, restaurants, groceries, hanging out with friends, and childcare fees. Don’t forget those pesky subscription services either. Then, create a budget so that each dollar you make is assigned a job, whether that’s paying for some of your expenses, paying off debt, or going to savings.

Fix Bad Habits

Finally, recovering financially from the holidays means fixing some of those bad habits that are too easy to fall into when you are on vacation-mode. For example, ordering takeout or heading to restaurants for most meals. Make a grocery list and try to fix meals at home as much as possible. Additionally, try to rein in spending on frivolous things that you don’t need. Consider selling items that you no longer use, and shop second-hand whenever possible. Cut out as many expenses as possible, and make sure to stay on-time with payments. 

As we move through December and into January, everybody needs help recovering financially from the holidays. If you’re feeling like there’s a big hole in your pocket from all of the recent spending, you aren’t alone. Getting back into a routine and focusing on healthy spending habits can help you recover some and build back your savings. First, organize yourself and take a look at your overall spending for the season. Then, take that number and divide by however many months until next holidays, and start setting aside a little money each month. That way, the holidays won’t be such a hit to your bank account. Create a budget based on your monthly income and expenses, and try to stick to it as much as you can. Finally, start focusing on healthy money habits like cutting out extraneous expenses, eating at home more, and cutting out any subscriptions you don’t use. Hopefully, by preparing a little for next year, you’ll avoid getting behind with money when the holidays roll around again.

Dealing with Family Conflict Over the Holidays

Dealing with family conflict over the holidays is never fun. And with an election just barely over this year, things might be more intense than usual. If you anticipate that you might be dealing with some arguments or heated discussions with your family, prepare yourself mentally ahead of time. Try to avoid polarizing topics, and set boundaries about what you will and will not be discussing. Stay calm if things start to become combative by trying to regulate your tone and body language. Deep breathing or taking a short break can help you calm down when needed. Pivot the conversation to something less controversial, and have some topics in mind just in case. Finally, if you need to, walk away from a conflict. Or, if you feel that your family will not be respectful of your boundaries, it’s okay to set limits on how much time you spend with certain people. Taking care of your mental health and enjoying the holidays are the most important things.

Dealing with Family Conflict Over the Holidays: Keep the Peace

Avoid Polarizing Topics

Dealing with family conflict tends to become more of an issue if your family is prone to discussing polarizing topics. For example, things like parenting, politics, or religion. If you feel like your loved ones will probably want to discuss something like this with you, you can set a boundary early on. Simply say that you aren’t going to be engaging in political conversations. If they don’t respect that boundary, you can choose to walk away.

Stay Calm and Take Breaks

It’s also important to regulate your body when dealing with family conflict. Keeping your posture neutral can be helpful, so avoid standing with arms aggressively folded, pointing, or using dramatic hand motions. Try to keep your voice calm, even, and in a moderate volume. Even when you get angry. Often, the louder we are, the less people actually hear. Finally, try to practice deep breathing and relaxing your muscles if you are feeling tense to help calm your sympathetic nervous system down..

Pivot the Conversation

It’s always helpful to keep a few safe topics in your back pocket in case your family is intent on turning things into an argument. Come prepared with some things to talk about that don’t involve controversial topics. For example, plans for New Year’s, any upcoming trips, or how your children are doing in school. 

Walk Away

Finally, if you’re dealing with family conflict over the holidays, sometimes you just have to walk away. Especially if your loved ones aren’t being respectful of you or your boundaries. Often, people feel obligated to see family over the holidays, even to the detriment of their mental wellbeing. If you feel like you need to take some time apart from family, it’s okay to prioritize your mental health. You can always come back next year, or go for a visit another time.

Dealing with family conflict over the holidays is likely something that a lot of people are going to be experiencing in the coming weeks. Especially in the wake of an intense political situation in our country. If you suspect that your family will be trying to pull you into disagreements or political conversations that you don’t want to be having, it’s best to go into events with a game plan. You can set boundaries up front about topics you aren’t willing to engage in. Setting boundaries I doesn’t mean that you are trying to control other people’s behavior, it just means that you are deciding what you are and aren’t willing to engage with. Try to keep things neutral by paying attention to your body language, tone of voice, and breathing. If you feel like you are getting overheated, take a short break and practice deep breathing exercises to calm down. Come prepared with some topics to pivot to if things start to get controversial. And finally, don’t feel guilty about walking away from certain events, or avoiding them altogether. You can always reconnect with your family later, but if you need to take some space for your mental health, do it. You deserve to have the holiday season you want free from any conflict or awkward conversations.

Preparing for the Death of a Parent

Preparing for the death of a parent is a difficult thing to even think about. However, as parents age, it’s important to discuss with them what they want for their end of life care. It’s best to discuss things like estate planning or legal decisions while they are still healthy and in full control of their faculties. It’s also important to be proactive about your mental health. Gather your support system around you, and begin speaking with a mental health professional and getting into healthy routines. Discuss estate planning with your parents so they can decide how they want their assets and possessions to be handled after death. And finally, discuss things like end of life care so that you know you are following their wishes when it comes to their medical treatment. This is a painful topic to think about, and it can be emotional for families to discuss. However, it can help relieve stress in the end because you will feel confident that you are honoring your parent’s wishes.

Preparing for the Death of a Parent: A Difficult Time

Be Proactive About Mental Health

When preparing for the death of a parent, it’s important to be proactive about your mental health. This will be an incredible difficult time for you, your spouse, children, and your other living parent if you have one. It’s a good idea to find a therapist or mental health professional to speak to about your concerns ahead of time. That way, they can help you prepare mentally and can help guide you through this difficult time. Get into a healthy routine of exercise, getting sleep, and eating a balanced diet so that your body is able to face the stresses of grief. 

Gather Your Support System

It’s also helpful to begin gathering your support system early when preparing for the death of a parent. Let close friends or family know what is happening, and let them know how they can be helpful. People don’t always know exactly how to respond in situations like this, so offering them some ideas of what can be supportive will help. For example, you might ask that they prepare meals or provide childcare while you tend to your parent.

Estate Planning

While it can be awkward to discuss, it is important to consider estate planning if you’re preparing for the death of a parent. If they are still in control of their mental faculties, they’ll need to consider how they want their assets and possessions handled after death. If they have a living spouse, it’s something they should discuss together so that the spouse knows what their wishes are for when they eventually pass too. Hiring an experienced estate attorney can help you navigate decisions like passing down property, assets, and possessions.

End of Life Decisions

Finally, you’ll also need to discuss end of life decisions if possible. There are many questions to be asked when it comes to end of life care. For example, do they want CPR or resuscitation? Do they want a feeding tube or ventilator? Who do they want making medical decisions on their behalf? Having an idea of what they prefer can give you peace of mind that you are honoring their wishes. They might also have preferences when it comes to funeral arrangements or burial vs cremation. While it’s painful and uncomfortable to discuss, these are important decisions that they might have strong feelings about, so it’s best to hear it straight from them if possible.

There is nothing that can alleviate the pain of preparing for the death of a parent. But getting as many things in order before it happens can help you deal with the logistical side of things early so that you can focus on your emotional wellbeing when the time comes. Be proactive about mental health care for yourself and family by finding a therapist or counselor to talk to. Gather your support system and let them know what kind of things will help in the upcoming weeks. If possible, have your parent discuss their estate planning decisions with you and their living spouse if applicable. They’ll also need to decide on end of life decisions like who they want in charge of their medical care, and what kinds of treatments they prefer. While it’s uncomfortable to think about, and definitely painful to discuss, having these conversations can actually make things less stressful when they pass away. You’ll know that you are honoring their wishes and won’t have to wonder if you are making the right decisions.

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Divorce is an extremely stressful event for both the people involved and their families. Due to this, it might not be a bad idea to consider divorce therapy. However, if you’ve never met with a therapist before, this can feel like a daunting task. Still, it might help you to know how exactly these professionals can help…

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Cope with emotions

Divorce is an emotional time, and sometimes those emotions can get overwhelming. This becomes very apparent if they’re negative emotions. Many times, these emotions can end up getting the better of people and negatively impact their divorce.

However, divorce therapy can help you cope with your emotions. A therapist can work with you to figure out where exactly these emotions are stemming from and what causes you to feel them. That way, you can work on strategies to keep the under control in a healthy and productive manner, and eventually work past them.

Help with the kids

Divorce therapy can also be helpful if you’re a parent. Divorce can have a pretty significant impact on your children. Due to this, many parents worry about what exactly they should or shouldn’t be doing, and what kinds of things they should look for in their children’s behavior.

A therapist can help you better understand what’s going through your kids’ heads. This is especially true if you meet up with a family therapist. These therapists help out all members of the family, and can have both you and your children work together to better understand how you each feel about what’s going on.

Build a plan for the future

One of the worst aspects of divorce is the uncertainty it brings. With the end of your marriage, the plans you used to have for the future are probably no longer possible. Many people get anxious when thinking about their new future, and are unsure of where exactly they should start to get things going again.

However, if you choose divorce therapy, then you can work with your therapist to build a new plan. The therapist can help you figure out what exactly you might be afraid of and how to get excited for the new opportunities in your life. That way, you can start to feel more confident about your life post-divorce.

Kid-Related Mistakes: What To Avoid

Trying to navigate divorce and not make mistakes can feel like an uphill battle. However, one type of mistake you want to avoid are kid-related mistakes. After all, it’s important to do your best to protect your kids from the potentially troublesome impacts of divorce…

Kid-Related Mistakes: What To Avoid

Bad-mouthing the other parent

Divorce isn’t easy for any couple. Often times, it involves a lot of buildup which eventually boils over into a divorce. During this process, many negative emotions might come to the surface. When or if this happens, then you need to watch what you say, especially around your kids.

One of the biggest kid-related mistakes is bad-mouthing your ex in front of your kids. Your kids don’t understand what has happened which caused you to divorce. To them, you’re still just their parents. As a result, you need to think of their feelings at all times before you speak.

Drag TheM In The Middle

Another of the kid-related mistakes to avoid is getting your children involved in the divorce. A lot of parents try to use their kids to help them and their goals. For instance, they might use them as messengers, or try and make them “pick a side” between them or their ex.

Again, it’s important to realize that your kids don’t see divorce like you and your ex do. Using them in this way just confuses them and causes them a lot of unwarranted psychological stress. It’s much better for both them and yourself to keep them out of these kind of positions.

Trying to spoil them

Not all kid-related mistakes are about getting your kids involved in the divorce. In fact, some of them tend to occur when trying to keep them out of things. For example, some parents like to try and spoil their kids with gifts to try and keep them happy, or because they feel guilty for stressing them.

However, this doesn’t actually tackle the real problems your kids may be experiencing. Plus, you could accidentally be encouraging spoiled behavior in the future. A better alternative is to talk to them one-on-one about how they feel, and possibly have them talk to someone like a family therapist.

Divorcing Child: What to Do as a Parent

These days, Millennials are more patient about marriage than Baby Boomers, leading to marriages that last longer than they used too. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean divorce no longer happens. If you’re the parent of a divorcing child, you might be unsure of what you should be doing. Thankfully, you can find the right balance to help support your child during this difficult time…

Divorcing Child: What to Do as a Parent

Give yourself time to accept it 

Parents of a divorcing child also need time to process and accept the divorce. They may have formed their own connections with their child’s spouse, or are worried about their grandchildren’s feelings. Sometimes, they may feel like they should’ve done more to help things work out for their child. 

It’s important to be honest with yourself about the situation. If your child is able to forgive and move on, then so should you. Try not to hold onto bad feelings, especially if it was a mutual decision and they remain friends. Follow your child’s example and accept what has happened.

Be supportive

Your divorcing child is going to need support to get through this difficult time. Try and remain out of the legal aspects and keep a neutral stance. Offer financial help if you think it’s needed, but the biggest thing is being their for them emotionally. 

Your child might also need some extra help if they have children. It might be a good idea to offer to watch them for a few nights so they’re away from the divorce. Even the most mutual divorces can be stressful on children, so it helps for them to be at a place they know they’re welcomed. 

Respect boundaries

Your divorcing child will need support during this time. However, they’ll also need some time to themselves to process things on their own. It’s good to be respectful of that and not try to push past the boundaries. 

If your child comes back into your home after the divorce, don’t overstep the line into their independence. You can certainly offer to help with say child care and financials, but you shouldn’t make them dependent on you again. Moving on again is an important part of post-divorce life. 

Advanced Co-Parenting: Stepping Up Your Game and Collaboration 

Co-parenting can be made simple if both parents are being collaborative. However, as you, your former spouse, and your children grow as people and get older, you might find that the plan you’ve started with, needs a little bit of adjustment. Now that you’ve become pro’s at co-parenting, it’s time to kick it up a notch. We’ll call this time of reevaluation advanced co-parenting. After all, the things you’re dealing with now that you have older children, can be much more difficult, and require a more hands-on approach from both of you…

Advanced Co-Parenting: Stepping Up Your Game and Collaboration 

When you and your spouse divorced and made a plan for co-parenting, your children likely had a little bit less going on then than they do now. Especially if your children were toddlers, the introduction of new activities, commitments, and wants can being about necessary changes to how you and your former spouse are doing things… If you and your spouse were already successful at co-parenting before, making necessary changes doesn’t have to be a big production. Instead, it can be a natural progression. Not to mention, it should be easier to cooperate after years of doing the same song and dance.

Financial decisions will increase 

As your children get older, the financial requirements can become a bit more intense. For instance, buying a car, prom expenses, cell phones, college funds, interests, develop specific needs, and so forth. In short, when kids get older— the expenses can become tenfold. Therefore, making adjustments due to their needs, as well as current financials, is a pretty necessary step to helping both parents, and the child/children prosper. 

Relationship changes and growth 

As your children become young adults, they’ll start to make their own decisions. Those decisions might affect the current custody agreement that you’ve been following. Maybe your son has started playing football, and the games are every Friday night when they typically stay at Mom’s. On the flip side, maybe your daughter wants to spend Spring Break at the beach, instead of at Dad’s house. Letting your children make decisions, and also learn how to compromise, is a key part of becoming a successful adult. Tell your children to find ways to make up for their breaking a commitment. For example, since daughter wants to spend Spring Break at the beach with friends, offer Dad an extra week in the summer. 

Parenting will never be easy, or stay the same 

As your children grow, you can expect changes. Changes in opinion, habits, activities, interests, and preference. These things are to be expected, and it often means making adjustments and having conversations that you’d rather not have. However, after taking so much time as co-parents, these methods in advanced co-parenting should be a breeze…

Stepchild Bond: Ways To Connect

Transitioning into the role of being a stepparent can be tricky. There are certain type of boundaries which you’ll have to respect with your new stepchild. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t improve your stepchild bond. In fact, there’s a few ways you can start working on that connection…

Stepchild Bond: Ways To Connect

Be a good role model

One thing you’ll have to deal with is your stepchild trying to figure out who you are exactly. During this transition period, your new stepchild is working to get a feel for what kind of person you are, especially in comparison to their parents. Therefore, if you want to improve your stepchild bond, it’s important to set a good example.

Of course, you can do this in your day-to-day life. Acting kind and helpful helps your stepchild start to see you aren’t such a bad person after all. Plus, make sure you act positively towards them as well, so they can further see that you aren’t their enemy, but their friend.

Get into hobbies & interests

Another good way to improve your stepchild bond is by being involved in their hobbies. If your stepchild can see that you have an interest in what they like, then they might be more willing to open up and connect with you. However, understand that it might not be an easy task.

Depending on your stepchild’s age, they may not initiate things like talking about hobbies or inviting you to sports events. That’s why it’s important to understand that as an adult, you need to take some initiative. Try to do some background research on their hobbies and strike up a conversation with them about it. Or, let them know you’d be interested in attending a sports game, you just need to know how to get tickets.

Understand their point of view

One good way to improve your stepchild bond is by showing them you understand how they feel. This is a big time of change for them, and it isn’t going to be easy. Sometimes, they’re just going to want some time to themselves. By understanding that, your stepchild will warm up to you faster than if you try and “force” a bond.

Healthy Self-Reflection: Starting to Heal

After a divorce, most people are thinking about all the things that went wrong in their marriage. However, when they begin to reflect on themselves, they tend to be overly-critical and harsh. Healthy self-reflection will actually do more to help someone heal after their divorce, and help them to begin to take new steps forward…

Healthy Self-Reflection: Starting to Heal

Do some self-assessment

It’s important to really take a good look in the mirror after your divorce. Marriage and divorce involve two people, so both you and your former spouse have things to learn. However, healthy self-reflection means asking yourself the right questions.

Ask yourself “what mistakes did I make?” and “What did my spouse do to bother me, and vice versa?” Then, ask yourself what changes can be made in the future and how you want to make them. In order to begin making changes, you have to know where you’re starting at, and where you want to get to.

Consider the other side

Viewing things from the other side might seem like the opposite of healthy self-reflection. However, it’s actually a key aspect of it. Seeing things from your spouse’s point of view is important in understanding what fully happened in your marriage.

Take a moment to think about what might’ve made your spouse upset as well as what made you upset. This can help you see what might’ve caused you to both to start drifting towards divorce. Then, you can take that and not repeat the same mistakes in future relationships. 

Get an outside perspective

Sometimes, people can get stuck in their own thoughts when self-reflecting. This can lead to them doing more wallowing rather than growth. That’s why it can be useful to get an outside perspective. 

Therapy can be useful for learning new, more positive ways to think. You can learn how to process your emotions from the divorce and channel them into getting a better perspective on things. That way, you can keep that healthy self-reflection going throughout the future. 

It can be hard to start to see positives after your divorce. However, this is actually the best time to self-reflect and plan out your new life. Doing some healthy self-reflection can help you see the new positives in your new post-divorce life. 

Balancing Time: Being Together Vs. Alone

Like many things in life, a good relationship will require balancing time. However, many couples struggle to find a good balance of time spent together and time spent alone. Figuring out a good mix can help avoid some potential issues a poor balance can bring…

Balancing Time: Find Some Middle Ground

Time together

The first aspect of balancing time is the time you spend together as a couple. It’s ideal that a couple will like spending time with each other. Additionally, while this time can be spent in many ways, the key thing is you enjoy being with your partner. Whether you’re out doing something or just relaxing at home, you’ll still value each other’s company.

Still, too much time together can potentially be bad. Even the most-inseparable couples need some space away from each other from time to time. If you don’t have that time, you’ll find you and your partner will begin to get irritated, even if you can’t tell why at first. Eventually, you won’t want to spend any time with them if you can help it.

Time apart

This is where time apart comes into the balancing time mix. This will be time you spend doing things without your partner being there. Many people spend this time being with friends or family. Still, you can also spend this time by yourself, either doing a hobby or just relaxing.

Of course, too much time apart can also be an issue. Not being with your partner can cause them to think you don’t care about them or love them. Over time, this can result in trust issues to develop. These issues can get to the point where your relationship is unable to recover.

Strike your balance

Balancing time is something every couple has to try and figure out. As every couple is a bit different, this balance will look different from one to another. Plus, it might take some experimentation before you find the balance which works for you.

The important thing is you and your partner work together to find this perfect balance. Talk to each other and figure out some ways to really enjoy your time together. Then, also discuss when and why you may want some time apart. Being on the same page will go a long way in avoiding potential problems.