fbpx

Category: post-divorce

Remarrying After Divorce: Things to Consider

If you’re considering remarrying after divorce, there are some important things to keep in mind. You want to make sure that your second marriage goes the distance, so it can be helpful to take things slow before making such a big decision. Speak to an attorney to make sure you understand any legal implications of getting remarried. Give it some time after your divorce is final before jumping back into marriage to make sure that things are right and that you aren’t rushing the decision. Have the money talk up front this time, and consider a prenuptial agreement. And finally, don’t forget to consider your children’s feelings about the marriage before agreeing. Hopefully, you’ll be able to move forward with your new partner and have a lasting and happy second marriage. 

Remarrying After Divorce: Things to Consider Before Making the Decision

Speak to an Attorney

It’s important to speak to an attorney before remarrying after divorce. There aren’t often legal restrictions on remarrying, but it’s still a good idea to check. However, your alimony, support payments, and child support might be affected. It’s important to understand all of the legal implications of choosing to remarry.

Take Your Time

It’s also helpful to give yourself plenty of time before remarrying after divorce. Getting married right after your divorce is finalized can create a lot of mixed emotions for family and friends. Plus, it might mean that you are rushing into things before the time is right. Allow yourself plenty of time to heal from the emotional upheaval of the divorce process.

Have the Money Talk

Oftentimes, money is one of the contributing factors to divorce. If that was the case for your first marriage, it’s important to have the money talk before remarrying after divorce. You might even consider a prenuptial agreement this time to protect yourself financially. While you definitely won’t want to go through another divorce, it’s especially important to avoid the financial upheaval a second time. Get comfortable talking about money with your new partner so that finances aren’t a stressor in your new relationship.

Consider Your Children’s Feelings

Finally, before remarrying after divorce, it’s important to make sure that your children are on board with the idea. They might have a lot of emotions about your divorce and your new relationship. While you deserve to be happy with whomever you want, it’s also important to give your children plenty of time to acclimate to the idea of you marrying a new person. Consider family counseling if you and your children are struggling to get on the same page with your plans for the future.

Although many people going through a divorce say they’ll never walk down the aisle again, remarrying after a divorce is pretty common. If you’re considering walking down the aisle with a new partner, it’s important to consider all of the implications. An attorney can help you figure out if it will affect your support payments and if there are any concerns legally. Additionally, it’s important to take plenty of time to heal emotionally from your divorce. Spend the time making sure that you and your new partner are a great match in every way. For example, have the money talk upfront so that finances don’t become a source of anxiety in your marriage. And make sure that your children are on board with you remarrying. Hopefully, everybody will be happy and you can move forward with your new partner to a lasting and happy future together. 

Where Should I Live Post-Divorce?

Figuring out where to live post-divorce can be a very stressful part of the overall divorce process. Some couples choose to have one person remain in the family home while the other moves out. If this is the case for you and your ex, think about finances when deciding where to move. It’s also important to consider whether you want to rent or buy and make sure that you don’t get yourself into a situation where you are spending beyond your means. For others, it makes more sense to try alternative custody arrangements like nesting or double nesting. It’s important to figure out what makes the most sense for you and your family. Hopefully, you can find a new place soon where you can begin fresh in your new post-divorce life.

Where Should I Live Post-Divorce? Figuring Things Out After the Divorce is Over

Consider Finances

If you are considering where to live post-divorce, finances are an important factor to consider. It’s best to take a look at your overall financial health after the divorce is final. Figure out a feasible budget and speak with a realtor and lender about your options. It might make sense to purchase a property that can build you equity. For others, it might make more sense to rent.

Don’t Stretch the Budget

It’s important to avoid becoming “house poor” when you are considering properties post-divorce. House poor is a term that means that you can afford your house, but it’s taking up all of your income. You might not default on your mortgage, however, you don’t have room left in your budget to do anything else. For example, travel, save, or purchase anything fun. When considering a property’s price, make sure that it fits easily into the budget rather than being a stretch.

Consider Location

Another big consideration when considering properties post-divorce is location. Especially if you share custody of your children. You’ll want to be close to them for purposes of custody hand-offs with your ex. It’s also helpful to be close to their school or extra-curricular activities. This way, you can cut down on travel time when doing custody switches with your ex.

Alternative Custody Arrangements

While many couples choose to have one parent stay in the family home and the other move out to a new property, others choose alternative custody arrangements. One of these is called nesting. If you choose to do nesting, you and your ex would switch off living in the home with the kids and living in a separate apartment. Another arrangement is called double nesting. This means that both ex’s live in the same home with the children, but each has their own space. Both of these arrangements require you to have a cooperative relationship with your ex.

Figuring out where to live post-divorce can be complicated, and a lot depends on your specific situation. If you and your ex get along very well, you might consider some custody arrangements where you share spaces like nesting or double nesting. If you’d rather have some separation you can go the more traditional route of finding a new house or apartment to rent. It’s important to consider your budget and make sure that you aren’t stretching yourself too thin financially with the cost of the home or rental price. Additionally, make sure that you are keeping in mind the location and proximity to your children if you share custody. Hopefully, you can find the perfect set-up for your family so that you can move on to the next stage of life.

Divvying Up Holidays with Shared Custody

Divvying up holidays with shared custody can be a source of a lot of frustration for many couples. However, as long as you begin planning things ahead of time, you can find a way to split things up so that it feels fair to everyone. Some couples choose to split the actual day of holidays while others choose to alternate different years with their children. And yet others decide to simply double up and celebrate with their kids whenever it’s convenient. The important thing is finding a solution that works for your family. Hopefully, you can all work together to make this holiday season the most memorable one yet.

Divvying Up Holidays with Shared Custody: Splitting Things Fairly

The Importance of Planning In Advance

Planning is the best way to begin divvying up holidays with shared custody. Don’t try to tackle this difficult negotiation when you’re already in the middle of a fight, or right before the holiday season. Instead, begin discussing things when you both are in a calm place. If certain holidays are important to your ex that you don’t care about and vice versa, make plans accordingly.

Sharing the Actual Day

When divvying up holidays with shared custody, some find it easiest to simply switch back and forth on the actual day of the holiday. For example, children might have a late Thanksgiving brunch at one house and then go to their other parents for Thanksgiving dinner. This is a solution that works well if you live close to each other.

Alternating Years

Other couples choose to alternate years when divvying up holidays with shared custody. This means that if you both want to spend Christmas with your children, that one year one parent gets to, and the next year you switch. If several holidays are important to both of you, you can split them evenly and then reverse them the next year.

Celebrating On Your Own Time

Finally, if you don’t want to worry about divvying up holidays with shared custody, you can always just celebrate on your own time. Children often don’t care about the calendar date that a holiday falls on. They’re more interested in traditions. So just move your holidays around so that they fit your schedule. For example, if you get your kids back on February 15 you can always still celebrate Valentine’s Day then.

Divvying up holidays with shared custody can create some frustration, but it doesn’t have to. Try to remember that holiday traditions are just as important to your ex as they are to you. You each want to spend special time with your children, so try to keep that in mind when discussing your plans. Figuring things out well in advance can save a lot of headaches and heartaches later on. Consider swapping custody on the day of the holiday so that kids get to spend part of the actual day with both of you. Or alternate years where you switch which parent gets the kids for bigger holidays. Or you might simply double up and let your children celebrate with both of you on your terms. The actual date of a holiday isn’t important, it’s the memories that your children will cherish.

Divorce Conflict & Cause

Ideally, divorcing will be a smooth and peaceful process for both you and your ex. However, there are instances where divorce conflict can arise. By understanding what can cause this conflict, you’ll be able to better avoid it and calm things down in the future…

Divorce Conflict: Main Motivators

Unwilling to compromise

One of the biggest reasons for divorce conflict is an unwillingness to compromise. Nothing can be more frustrating than when one spouse isn’t willing to work together with the other. Showing a willingness to compromise means you’re willing to give up some of your wants in order to reach an agreement. If someone remains stubborn and refuses to do so, that’ll draw things out even further.

Of course, there are some things you or your ex may not want to compromise on. Still, there are probably some things you can meet in the middle for. Therefore, if your ex is willing to propose a compromise, give an effort to hear them out. It’s possible you can find some middle ground or agree on a separate compromise to get what you really want.

Poor communication

Issues with communication also tend to cause divorce conflict. Things tend to progress a lot more smoothly when you and your ex can talk to each other. That way, you both know exactly what the other person wants. However, if you end up fighting every time you meet, then this will just lead to more conflict and prevent any progress.

As a result, you should make improving communication a priority. Keep your conversations focused on what needs to be discussed and away from anything else which could cause tensions. Be sure to also remain respectful when talking to one another. If extra help is needed, it may be useful to consider using a mediator.

Trying to “win”

There’s a bit of a misconception that divorce is something you can “win.” Of course, you want to make sure you get a good and fair result. At the same time, you also don’t want to be very aggressive against your ex. Doing so can make them try and do the same and make your divorce conflict quite severe.

That’s why you should focus more on getting the result you’re happy with than trying to “punish” your ex. This will help your ex not feel like they’re on the defensive the entire time. Instead, it’ll encourage you both to work together.

How-to Get Your Finances in Order After a Divorce

Divorces can do a number on your finances. They can make you go from a dual-income to a single-income, change your tax and insurance situation or even add on unexpected debt and expenses. You may have to create new financial goals or even rebuild your credit. On top of that, you will have to be doing this all while juggling putting the pieces of your life back together. The key here is to be proactive and start working on getting your finances in order after a divorce as soon as you can.

How-to Get Your Finances in Order After a Divorce: Steps to Take

Budget

The first step to take to get your finances in order after a divorce is to evaluate your budget. The divorce could have resulted in a change in your household income, or you may have different expenses now. Whatever the current situation is, it will be helpful to look over your budget. If you do not have a budget already put together, now is a great time to create one. You need to be honest with yourself and build a budget that fits with your current circumstances. If your finances have changed but you continue to live your previous lifestyle, you will be headed towards financial trouble. You may have to end up needing to downsize your house or get a cheaper vehicle. Also, you may have to make other changes to your habits in order to set yourself up for financial success.

Credit

You will also want to work on building credit if you do not have a good credit score or your own credit history. If you did not have credit cards or a loan in your own name while you were married, start working on building your credit history ASAP. To qualify for a loan or rent a place to live, you will need to have a good credit score.

Keep in mind that you will often need credit to get credit. If you are unable to get a qualify for a traditional credit card on your own, there’ another option. Instead, you can apply for a secured credit card. These require you to deposit money that’s equal to your line of credit. Use this card to make small purchases and pay off the card on time each month. This will allow you build a good payment history and help your credit score. Be sure to remove your ex from any shared credit cards. Also, refinance your house so that only the person who is responsible for the payments is on the loan. This will prevent your ex from forgetting to make a payment or going into credit card debt and hurting your credit score.

By taking a few small steps, you can proactively get your finances in order after a divorce. Bt making an honest budget and sticking to it, plus building a strong credit history, you will be on the right track.

Children’s Hobbies Post-Divorce

Your divorce can be pretty rough on both you and the kids. For them, this can be a time where they feel a wide range of emotions which can impact their lives. Therefore, it’s good to encourage them to get into some children’s hobbies post-divorce. Doing so can help them in a few ways…

 Children’s Hobbies Post-Divorce: How They Help

Relieve some stress

One benefit of children’s hobbies post-divorce is how they help your kids relax. Odds are your divorce cause you a lot of stress throughout the process. However, it also probably placed a lot of stress onto your kids as well.

This stress can get worse for them as they try and adjust to the new way things are after the divorce. Unlike adults, children tend to struggle with managing this stress and this can cause them to act out in response. Having a hobby that they can get into and enjoy is a good way for them to relax and start to feel better again.

Make new friends

Another benefit of children’s hobbies post-divorce is the way they can encourage your kids to make new friends. Aside from stress, you kids can begin to feel sad and withdrawn as well. They’ll spend a lot of time alone in their rooms, not talking to others, and may even stop doing things such as their schoolwork.

A hobby can help your kids get back to being social and making new friends. Having a shared interest is one of the fastest and easiest ways for people of all ages to find friends. Once they start feeling more comfortable and happier with their friends, their mood around the house will also begin to improve.

Improve your connection

Children’s hobbies post-divorce can also be a way for you to improve your bond. A divorce tends to make kids question if things were somehow their fault. Spending time together via a hobby is a great way to show them that you still love them and that they didn’t do anything wrong.

For example, sports programs tend to be popular with kids and parents alike. Your kids get to play a sport they enjoy and make friends with their teammates, while you get to support and cheer for them at games. These are all great things for a child to have after having their parents divorce.

Creative Bonding: Child Connections

Sometimes, divorce can cause your kids to become somewhat distant and withdrawn. When this happens, you might want to try some creative bonding exercises. These unique methods can help you start to re-connect with your kids…

Creative Bonding: Child Connections

Drawing & painting

Drawing and painting are both very good creative bonding techniques to use. These are some of the basics when it comes to looking for something creative to do with your kids. Plus, it’s something those especially young kids can do and still enjoy, making it very versatile.

Remember, thought, that you still want to make it fun and engaging for them. A good way to do this is by giving it structure. Try to pick some kind of theme or topic that the works will center around. Be sure to join in the process as well! You kids will love to have you a part of the process.

Spend some time outside

Technology certainly is popular these days, especially among those who are younger. However, it can also cause them to be more withdrawn. Sometimes, it can be useful to have them (and you) take a break from technology and do some creative bonding together outside.

Now, you don’t have to pull of some grand camping trip somewhere. After all, you want to make sure that your kids will enjoy the things you do. Try to start off smaller instead, by say going outside in the yard or to a nearby park. There’s a wide variety of outdoor games and activities you and your kids can do together.

Get into their interests

You surely have your fair share of hobbies or interests, and your kids certainly do as well. Therefore, what better way to get some creative bonding done than by talking to them about these interests? Kids tend to like it when their parents show some real, genuine interest into their hobbies and such.

It helps to do some research beforehand on what exactly your kids are into. That way, it shows them you’re serious about getting to know what they like. Doing so will make them much more likely to open up and get you involved in these interests.

Post-Divorce Writing: Expressing Yourself

Feelings of depression are pretty common after a divorce. Shaking those negative feelings can be pretty hard. However, one thing which you might find helpful is doing some post-divorce writing. Taking some time to write can help you feel better in a few different ways…

Post-Divorce Writing

Get your feelings out

One thing post-divorce writing helps with is getting your feelings out. Aside from feelings of depression, you may also feel pretty upset, angry, or anxious. Bottling up those feelings can end up making them worse over time, before they eventually reach a breaking point. Therefore, it’s useful to have an outlet.

Writing will allow for you to have a way to get those emotions out of your body and onto paper. It might seem simple, but it actually can help quite a bit. As you continue to write, you’ll start to feel better and think clearer, and can start to work on healing.

Track your progress

Another useful thing about post-divorce writing is how you can use it to track your progress. Sometimes, people will think that they aren’t making any progress moving forwards after their divorce. This can keep them stuck in a bit of a rut, which creates a self-fulfilling cycle.

However, if you keep a journal or diary, then you’ll have some physical proof of the progress you’re making. As you fill it out, you can easily go back and see where you started and how far you’ve come. This can help give you the motivation you might need to continue making your progress.

Express your creativity

Post-divorce writing also gives you a way to express your more creative side. Many people like to try and get into new hobbies after their divorce, and the arts are definitely one of them. Writing in particular can be a type of activity you might find yourself interested in.

For instance, maybe you try to write some poetry. Or, perhaps you try writing some kind of short stories. Don’t worry about them being something others have to read. As long as you enjoy writing them, then that’s all that matters.

Co-Parenting Goals: Find Success

It can be a bit difficult to start co-parenting. To help you and your ex going in the right direction, it can be a good idea to set some co-parenting goals. These goals can help ensure your efforts result in success…

Co-Parenting Goals

Help the kids feel secure

Divorce usually causes your kids to feel a lot of uncertainty about the future. While you yourself might have a lot of questions about what’s next, your kids also will feel the same. Mainly, they might be worried about where they’ll live, or if the divorce itself was somehow their fault.

Therefore, it helps to set making the kids feel secure as one of your co-parenting goals. Having a good, consistent schedule can help them adjust to this new “normal” and feel more relaxed. Spending plenty of time with them also helps reinforce to them that you or your ex aren’t going anywhere.

Create a budget

Divorce also brings changes to one’s budget. As a co-parent, you’ll not only need to plan a budget for yourself, but also one for your kids with your co-parent. Usually, this budget involves things like major expenses, such as tuition or medical bills. That’s why this shared budget is another of the co-parenting goals to work towards.

One useful way to do this is by first meeting with your ex and going over your individual budgets. Then, you can look at what major kid-related costs you might have. By doing so, you can work on adjusting your budgets to meet your kids’ needs.

Better communication

Not all ex-couples will want to talk all the time after divorcing. Still, co-parenting will require some kind of communication between the two of you. After all, you’ll have to coordinate things like dropping or picking up the kids. Due to this, improving communication is one of the most common co-parenting goals.

A good way to do this is by keeping your conversations positive. Focus on the good things, like if the kids got good grades on a test, over negative topics. It’s also good to help keep them in the loop about any changes to your schedule which could impact your usual co-parenting plans.

Initial Months Post-Divorce: Making Changes

Those initial months post-divorce can be some of the hardest to adjust to. Going from being married to being single again isn’t always an easy task. However, there are some things you can do to make the process easier on yourself…

Initial Months Post-Divorce: How To Adapt

Stay occupied

You’ll probably notice that you have a lot of free time during those initial months post-divorce. For some, this can be a negative, as they spend this time thinking negatively about what’s happened. Rather than do other things, they’ll end up stuck in a rut feeling pretty low. One helpful way to avoid this is by keeping yourself busy.

Staying busy will help keep your mind off of the divorce. While it’s good to have days where you take some time and reflect, you don’t want everyday to be like there. Therefore, try to look for some new hobbies or activities which can keep you occupied. Plus, you’ll find that having something fun to do will encourage more positive thinking.

Have good support

It’s also good to not try and push through those initial months post-divorce on your own. After all, you probably had some help making it through your divorce. Therefore, don’t forget to keep that support going even after it’s over. Having that extra help can really help you feel better and more optimistic for the future.

Your friends and family will be an excellent source of support. They know who you are, and you know that you can trust them to look out for you. Still, if you’d like some specialized support, try meeting with a counselor or a divorce support group as well.

 Take things slowly

In the initial months post-divorce, you’ll probably have plenty of people offering their advice as to what you should do. While they may have good intentions, they won’t fully understand how you feel. As a result, you should take things slowly and do what’s best for you.

For instance, maybe some people will ask if you’ve thought about dating again. Of course, that’s not something they need to worry about. Rather, that’s something you should only do when you feel comfortable. Having that kind of mindset can help you avoid feeling “pressured” by what other people say.