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Stepparent Boundaries

Adjusting to being a stepparent can be a pretty tricky task. There’s a lot of new things you’ll have to consider when adjusting to your new role. One of the hardest things you may struggle with are stepparent boundaries. As it turns out, there are a few lines which you may not want to cross…

Stepparent Boundaries

Replacing a parent

One of the major stepparent boundaries that you want to respect is your stepchildren’s other parent. Sometimes, new stepparents want to help their stepchildren adjust by being more of a “parent” rather than stepparent. This might include things such as wanting to be called mom or dad, or trying to encourage them to do things with you instead of their other parent.

However, it is very important to respect that boundary. Understand that you aren’t their biological parent, but that isn’t a bad thing. Stepparents have their own special roles that they fit in which your new stepchildren will learn to accept, and appreciate, in time. You can still be a great parent, even if they don’t call you “mom” or “dad”.

Giving out discipline

Another important stepparent boundary to respect is with regards to discipline. If you discipline your own children, you might figure that you can apply that to your stepchildren. However, doing so could severely hurt your new relationship with them, and potentially damage it permanently.

Your stepchildren are still trying to figure out who you are and if you can get along. If you begin to punish them, then their opinion on you will sour and things will just get worse. Instead, try to offer a shoulder of support, and leave discipline to your partner. Don’t forget the complex emotions they’re dealing with, and how that could be behind their actions.

Tangling with the ex

Stepparent boundaries aren’t just limited to your stepchildren. They also apply to your partner’s ex as well. As their new spouse, it can feel a bit tempting to support them when they talk to their ex. However, doing so could upset the balance that your partner and their ex have created in regards to their co-parenting. While you can offer advice to your spouse in private, don’t get engaged in their talks directly.

Phone Apps: Use Them To Cope

Technology has become pretty ingrained in our day-to-day lives. Therefore, it probably isn’t too surprising to know that there’s phone apps out there for nearly anything. In fact, you can even use these apps to help you cope with your divorce. Certain apps can be especially useful depending on what you want to do…

Phone Apps: Use Them To Cope

Improve your health

There are a large variety of phone apps out there that can help you with improving your health. Many people experience some issues with both their mental and physical health after their divorce. Therefore, it makes sense that you might want to make some improvements. That’s where apps can come in handy.

For your mental health, there are apps which can help you with positive thinking and setting goals to achieve. There’s also journal apps, which let you write down your thoughts at any time. As for physical health, there’s plenty of apps which can track your exercise, calories, and sleep to help you find the perfect balance.

Get in touch with others

Another common issue people face after their divorce is feeling isolated. As a result, you might be interested in connecting with some new potential friends, or getting back in touch with old ones. Luckily, there’s plenty of apps which allow you to do both, and in different ways.

Of course, there’s social media, which can let you find some old friends and catch up with them. Still, making new friends on these apps can be tricky, due to the more “impersonal” nature of them. However, there are also neighborhood-focused apps. These apps only include those from the local area. That way, you can get in touch with people you can easily meet in real life.

Start dating

After you’ve given yourself some time to heal and adjust to your new post-divorce life, you might be curious about dating again. These days, there’s plenty of different kinds of dating phone apps which you can make use of. These apps tend to be specifically tailored to the type of person you want to meet.

Still, it’s important to be careful when using these kinds of apps. Scammers can be pretty common on them, as well as people who are less-than-honest about who they are. Always remember that your own safety is a priority. Be wary of those who claim they can’t meet in person, or ask for a lot of personal info.

Narcissistic Ex: How To Communicate

Figuring out how to talk to your ex as a co-parent can be pretty tough. This can only get harder if you’re dealing with a narcissistic ex. While it might feel impossible at first, there are ways you can make it a bit easier for yourself when you have to talk to them…

Narcissistic Ex: How To Communicate

Don’t take the bait

One of the trickiest parts of talking to a narcissistic ex is how they like to change the subject. Often times, they might try to steer the conversation towards themselves or what they’re doing, in order to show off. Or, they might make jabs at you to try and get under your skin.

When this happens, it’s important to not take the bait. They want to get you upset, and in turn make you lose focus of the conversation’s original goal. Do your best to ignore those comments and stick to what you need to discuss. If they refuse to focus, then disengage and tell them you’ll talk at a later time.

Stick to “yes” or “no” answers

If a narcissistic ex tries to ask you questions, especially over email or text, they tend to make them not as straightforward as they should. For instance, they might include some kind of backhanded comment or brag about what they’re doing. While you might feel the need to correct the record, the best response is to keep your answers brief.

Ignore all the stuff they included that isn’t relevant to what you have to do as a co-parent. Single out those questions, and make it clear you’re only replying to that part of the question. For example, if they ask if you can watch the kids, but try to insert a brag about themselves, just say “yes, I can watch the kids” and leave it at that.

Set your boundaries

A narcissist, especially a narcissistic ex, loves to poke and prod at your boundaries. They want to push your buttons, find out what you’re doing, and figure out a way to either put you down, or lift themselves up. That’s why it’s important to keep your boundaries firm. Don’t give them any room to work with, and if they don’t respect the boundaries, then you know your conversation isn’t worth continuing.

Divorce Health: Unhealthy Signs

When it comes to divorce health, most people assume it refers to one’s mental health. While that is an important part of it, that’s still just one half of the equation. There’s also the physical aspect to consider. As it turns out, divorce can impact a person’s well-being in many potentially harmful ways…

Divorce Health: Unhealthy Signs

Drastic Weight changes

One of the signs of poor divorce health is drastic weight changes. It’s not uncommon for people in stressful situations to reach for some comfort food. Of course, divorce is no different. The nice feeling we get from these foods can give some temporary relief from the stress. However, many times, people end up overdoing it on these more-unhealthy food choices.

In some situations, the opposite ends up being true. The stress of divorce doesn’t cause them to reach for comfort food. Instead, it leads them to either forget, or feel like they don’t need to eat. Instead of gaining weight, these people end up losing drastic amounts.

Trouble sleeping

Another sign of poor divorce health is trouble with sleeping. Many times, this tends to be a result of divorce-related depression. Combined with the stress of divorce, and it’s very easy for people to start sleeping less and less. Eventually, this turns into full-blown insomnia.

Still, some people might not face issues with just falling asleep. Their problems might be more in regards to staying asleep. People who are divorcing tend to find themselves waking up constantly throughout the night. Nightmares are also an unfortunately common symptom which make it harder for them to sleep.

Heart problems

Heart problems are some of the most dangerous signs of poor divorce health. In fact, a recent study by the Journal of Marriage and Family found that divorced people are at a higher risk of developing heart problems than their non-divorced peers. But what is it exactly that causes this increase?

As it turns out, it can be a number of things. For starters, there’s the constant stress which put a lot of strain on the heart. Plus, other symptoms like a poor diet or sleeping schedule can also contribute to overall heart problems.

Changing Jobs Post-Divorce

Divorce tends to b a time of self-reflection for many people. This is especially true when it comes to working. Some might consider getting a new job, where as others might consider changing jobs post-divorce. If you find yourself thinking about the later, there’s a few things you should evaluate before making a decision…

Changing Jobs Post-Divorce

Your stress levels

Divorce, understandably, is a pretty stressful event. Therefore, it’s no surprise that you’re probably looking to rid your life of excess stress. One of the areas many people look at are their jobs. Depending on their answers, it can help them decide on changing jobs post-divorce.

Think about how you feel when you’re working. Do you hate it, and dread having to even think about going into your shifts? Or, do you find yourself feeling pretty at-ease most of the time? If your job environment is too stressful, then it might be time to consider a change.

Financial situation

On top of stress, divorce can also cause you to spend quite a bit of money. Even after it’s over, you might have to spend on things like finding and moving to a new place to live. Plus, spousal and child support payments can also seriously change up your financial situation, and make you think about changing jobs post-divorce.

If you find yourself worried about money, it helps to first make a budget based on how much you make now, and your new costs. Are there any areas you can cut back on spending on to make sure you have money for the necessitates? Depending on how this budget looks, it can help you determine if a change is a good idea.

Quality of life

Remember that there’s more to a job than just the pay. There’s also other factors you have to consider. These quality of life factors can be very important, especially if your old schedule has changed due to your divorce. For instance, if you find yourself with custody of your kids, then you’ll have to consider how to balance a job with these new demands.

How well your job fits these changes can help you determine if changing jobs post-divorce is a good idea. Consider things like your work schedule. Is it flexible with your needs? Does your job also let you handle things from home on some days? Jobs which do can be much more appealing and handy than those that don’t.

Rebound Relationships

Trying to date again after your divorce can be very hard. After all, there’s no time table which tells you when it’s the right time to try again. However, trying again too quickly tends to end up making rebound relationships. These relationships are something you’ll want to avoid…

Rebound Relationships

What is a “rebound”?

Rebound relationships, like the name implies, are when you get into a relationship quickly after leaving your last one. Often times, these relationships usually form about a month or so since your last one. As a result, these relationships tend to not last very long.

Many times, people try to “rebound” with someone else who’s also coming off a break-up or divorce. However, this is mainly because they’re just looking for an emotional escape from the issues of their last one. While in the long run these relationships tend to not be harmful, they can stall your post-divorce recovery.

No need to rush

Despite how you might feel, there’s no need to rush into rebound relationships. Still, it can be hard to avoid them sometimes. After all, your thoughts and emotions probably aren’t in the best shape after your divorce. As a result, you can end up believing you’re in love with someone despite only knowing them for a short time.

That’s why it helps to just take some space away from the idea of dating for a while. Instead, spend this time doing some things for yourself. Start eating better, exercising, or pick up a new hobby. Right now, you need to get comfortable with yourself before thinking of dating again.

Learn from the past

Rebound relationships are formed out of the pain from the loss of your marriage. Still, that doesn’t mean you can’t turn that pain into something good. In fact, it’s a good idea to consider the lessons learned from your past relationship.

Think about the issues that you had with your last relationship. Then, think about how you can avoid them in your next ones. That way, you can actively avoid running into those issues again, and ensure your new relationships start out on the right foot.

Working Post-Divorce

Having to work while going through your divorce can be tricky enough. However, what if you’re looking to re-enter to workforce? Working post-divorce can seem like another difficult challenge. However, there are ways for you to find your fit…

Working Post-Divorce

Find your interests

The first part of working post-divorce is figuring out your interests. It’s no surprise that people tend to enjoy working jobs that line up with their interests. As a result, it helps to figure out what your interests are before job hunting. A career counselor can be helpful in showing you what fields to consider.

Also, if you were working before your divorce, you don’t have to rush right back into your old job. This is the perfect time to really think about what you want to truly be doing. It might be time to look for something new, for both the sake of your financials and mental health. Just don’t leave your job until you have something else secured!

Look all around

Working post-divorce means being aware of your options. As a result, it helps to look around for any recent open job positions near you. The easiest way to do this is by using online job boards. With how many there are, you have a lot of places to check to see if there’s something that matches what you’re looking for.

Still, even with the convenience of the internet, in-person applications are a good option as well. In fact, they can even be preferable, as they can help you make a good first impression. Therefore, don’t be afraid to pay an in-person visit! Even if they aren’t hiring now, they may get in touch when they are.

Consider additional education

A lot of well-paying jobs these days require some form of higher education. Therefore, if you’re interested in working post-divorce, it’s not a bad idea to get some extra education. It’s not uncommon to see more older adults on college campuses, who are in the process of pursuing their degrees.

Plus, the nice thing is that you don’t have to go to a university to get more education. Many community colleges offer courses at similar levels, but for much less. You can even find out about taking online classes, making it so that getting more education doesn’t get in the way of your schedule.

Difficult In-Laws

Meeting your partner’s parents is a big step in a relationship. For one, it’s nerve-wracking because you’re not sure if they’ll like you or not. Even if you try your best, it may not work out how you want. Sadly, having to deal with difficult in-laws can be an upsetting thing to go through. However, you can’t really get around it-you can just deal with it until it gets better. It can be hard, though, if you don’t know how to go about this situation. Hopefully, if you keep some things in mind, you’ll get some peace in mind.

Difficult In-Laws: Standing Your Ground

Communication

Unfortunately, knowing whether or not your in-laws like you can be unclear sometimes. First, make sure you talk with your partner! Let them knowyour concerns. Do the parents like you? If not, what could possibly be the reason for it? Additionally, what can be done to make it better? Letting your partner know where you are mentally and emotionally can help out significantly. If difficult in-laws are the problem, it’s almost impossible to go through it alone. If so, it can create a lot of strain.

Set Boundaries

Most everyone’s parents feel as though they are entitled to most facets of their kids lives. That’s true to a certain extent. However, when their child gets old enough, there may come a time where boundaries need to be set. This is especially the case with difficult in-laws. First, try to get some type of idea where and how you would like these boundaries set. For example, are in-laws barred from certain events? What are they allowed to comment on? Discuss what you want out of this. Then, you and your partner can talk about how to enforce your boundaries. Hopefully, your in-laws will take your boundaries seriously. That way, your relationship with them has the opportunity to improve.

Stand Your Ground

Standing your ground in any situation can be hard. For one, you don’t want to rock the boat. However, rocking the boat is necessary sometimes. Dealing with difficult in-laws can be one of those times! Of course, you can always shake the boat respectfully. Know what ways you’re going to enforce your boundaries. Additionally, if you’re nervous, rehearse if you have to. However, standing your ground could help better your relationship with your in-laws eventually.

Dealing with difficult in-laws can be a complicated situation. There are many reasons why they may be difficult. For one, they may not like you how you hoped they would. Or, they can just be a little too involved. No matter the reason, dealing with difficult in-laws is a necessity. Communication is always key so make sure you’re doing that with your partner. After all of your concerns are out in the open, try to set a game plan for setting boundaries. Additionally, once you’ve made your boundaries, make sure to set them and stand your ground. That way, everyone involved can have a better relationship with each other.

Co-Parenting Depression: Ways To Cope

Adjusting to being a co-parent can cause a lot of stress, and sometimes even depression. Co-parenting depression is a real issue which can get in the way of your shared goals for your child. However, there are ways to cope with these feelings, and eventually push past them…

Co-Parenting Depression: Ways To Cope

Find some common ground

A major source for co-parenting depression is constant arguments. It makes sense that you and your ex may not agree on everything. However, constantly arguing over these matter will just lead to more frustration building up. Ultimately, these arguments don’t do you or your kids any good.

Instead, it’s helpful to first find some common ground. This is especially helpful for house rules. For example, maybe you both agree what time your kids should be asleep at, or when they should do homework. Finding the areas you agree on will make it easier to work on the ones you disagree on.

Improve communication

Poor communication is also another common source of co-parenting depression. For many co-parents, communication breaks down in a few ways ways. A parent might feel out-of-the-loop in regards to what their ex is doing, or always end up arguing with them when they talk.

Neither of these situations are good for you or your kids, so it’s important to improve your communication. Try to always ensure you both have a way of reaching the other, and talk to each other about your plans. If you find you’re always arguing, keep your talks brief, focused, and potentially over text to mitigate the risk of an argument.

Manage your depression

There’s also plenty of ways to manage your co-parenting depression through outside resources. For instance, a therapist can help you identify why you feel how you do, and how you can work on it. Even just talking to friends can help alleviate those feelings.

It also doesn’t hurt to find some things to do when you’re not co-parenting. Hobbies are a great way to burn off some stress and start to feel better again. Plus, if you find one your kids can enjoy, you can bond with them while also getting to do something you all like.

Mental Health Post-Divorce

A person’s mental health post-divorce can really be in a difficult state. With all that has happened, it can be hard to see how you can start healing. However, there are many ways for you to begin this healing process…

Mental Health Post-Divorce

Create a new routine

A new routine can really help improve your mental health post-divorce. Take some time to think about how your priorities have changed now after the divorce. You might have to care for your kids or pets, but you don’t need to put your former partner’s needs over yours. Now, you can make a routine that prioritizes you.

Creating this new schedule can really help you do the things you like. Maybe this is just taking a walk at a nearby park. Or, perhaps it’s picking back up an old hobby of yours. Whatever it may be, these new things will help you start to feel better about yourself.

Look at your work-life balance

Many people like to try and throw themselves into their work after something like divorce has happened. After all, the work should help take their mind off of things, right? However, it turns out this can have some negative effects on your mental health post-divorce.

Throwing yourself into your work while not taking time for yourself can really raise your stress levels. This increased stress can take a serious toll on your health, both physically and mentally. Therefore, it’s much better to create a healthy work-life balance. Doing so will help you keep your stress levels in-check.

Seek professional help

Ultimately, while you can take steps to improve your mental health post-divorce, it’s important to know you don’t have to do it alone. It’s not uncommon for people to feel very isolated and alone after their divorce. In these cases, seeking some outside professional help can really help.

Meeting with a therapist can do a lot for helping you improve your mental health. A therapist can help you figure out what’s causing you strife, and develop strategies for getting them under control. That way, you’ll know how to handle these thoughts when they come up, and push them away.