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Failure to Pay Child Support: Facing the Consequences

If you are currently paying child support and feel it is an unfair amount, you might be considering a stop on payments. Unfortunately, no matter how you feel about the arrangement, you are still under obligation to pay it. Choosing not to pay your agreed upon child support payments could have some potentially severe aftermath. From additional fines, to job interferences, and on down the line. Ultimately, failure to pay child support can land you in a world of trouble.

Failure to Pay Child Support: Facing the Consequences

Until you can renegotiate the terms of your child support payments, you’re ultimately under obligation to make them. If you’re facing financial hardship, I suggest reaching out to the other parent and seeing what kind of agreement you can reach. Because, if you do not pay— and you don’t show any effort to do so, you can face any of the following consequences depending on severity:

Dismissal from military

The military is quite serious about taking care of it’s dependents. While the military cannot force a member to pay without court order, they can most definitely make their life harder. Whether that be extra duty, or reduction of rank or pay. Ultimately, you are violating the ‘Uniform Code of Military Justice’ and can be court-martialed for anything from failure to obey order, willfully disobeying an officer, or bringing discredit upon the armed forces. As we’ve said they take denying your duties quite seriously.

Direct contact to your employer

Failure to pay child support can have a lot of consequences. But, one of the most embarrassing and public— is that of the state having to contact your employer. In doing so, they will become aware of your lack of payment. After the state contacts your employer, child support will draft directly from your paycheck. No one wants their home life to be brought into their work sphere. It’s personal, it’s embarrassing, but, if you don’t pay child support— it is a likely outcome.

Fines and Penalties

If you don’t pay child support, the state will likely tack on additional fees and fines to the amount you already owe. Back paying child support with added fines can be extremely costly, and if you can’t afford to do so— it’s much harder to convince a judge and the state after avoiding it. That leads us to our final point…

Jail time

While this is a last resort, it is still likely. The amount of time is dependent on the judge, and the amount of money is still owed. I’m sure you’re aware that working while you’re in jail, is pretty impossible to do. So, you emerge with more work and money to catch up on than ever before. Ultimately, your best bet is paying what you have to pay while you work towards a solution.

The Different Child Custody Arrangements and What They Mean

Navigating the different child custody agreements at first, can be pretty tricky. There’s a lot that you’re learning as you go, and chances are, you might not understand all of the terms and options that are being thrown around. There are a lot of different agreements, based on your specific needs. So, we’re going to explain to you the options when it comes to what agreement you go with. From sole, to joint, to legal, and beyond— together we’re going to work it all out. That way, you can make an informed decision that is best for your entire family.

The Different Child Custody Arrangements and What They Mean
Legal Custody

Legal custody infers that one parent is the decision maker when it comes to the child. That includes educational, moral, health-based and so on. The parent with legal custody is the one that essentially handles everything from start to finish. This agreement is not typical of a parental situation where both are present and competent. Legal custody is typically granted when one of the parents are not fit to make the long-term decisions.

Sole Custody

Sole custody is similar to legal custody in that one parent is the decision maker, but when they have sole custody— the other parent has zero access unless granted by the other parent. This typically takes place when one parent is abusive, an addict— anything that puts the child at emotional or physical risk.

Physical Custody

Physical custody is one of the more common forms of child custody arrangements. It implies that the child resides with one primary parent, and they have visitation with the other parent. One parent will have the majority of time, and receive the child support payments— as they provide the home, and maintain the day-to-day. These types of agreements are usually the route that couples take, aside from joint custody. This allows the child to have one primary home, and a set place to do their extracurriculars and so forth.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is the second most common agreement, and it is exactly how it sounds. Both parents share joint responsibilities when it comes to decision making, extracurriculars, taking them to school. Ultimately, they share every aspect of the child’s life. This would likely be the most common option if it weren’t for how difficult co-parenting can be for ex-spouses.

No matter what kind of agreement you’re looking to reach, there are options to get you there. The first step is doing your research, and consulting with an attorney as to what your next step should be. Whether you settle this agreement in court, or outside— it is important that you understand what you’re agreeing to, and how it affects you in the long run. We wish you luck as you navigate this process and the different child custody agreements.

Becoming a Better Step Parent

Being a step parent can be trying at times. If you watch any Disney movie, you know there is a stigma there of unruly step parents with scary motives. But, in all reality— you’re just trying to navigate your role and figure out where you fit in when it comes to being a step parent, and what that entails. So we’re going to try and help you figure it out. You’ve been a step parent for a while now, and you might still feel iffy— so we’re going to give you a few pointers on how to be a better step parent. From making yourself a little more confident, to making them feel a little closer to you. This journey isn’t easy, but you’ll be one step closer to figuring it out.

Becoming a Better Step Parent
Hold off on the parenting bit

If they aren’t your kids, it isn’t your job to discipline them. Especially not in the beginning. Embrace your role of a secondary parent. That means you get to be there for the child, cheer them on— but be hands off when it comes to the not so fun stuff.

While it might make you feel as if you’re in the background a bit, wait until you’ve established a deeper understanding of the child before you dive right in. It might take a year or more, but in the meantime— you get to be the fun one. That’s not all bad!

Be patient through their process of accepting you

Understand that while you and your spouse have chosen each other— the kids are kind of involuntary along for the ride. It might sound harsh, and believe me— it’s not meant to be. But, you’ve gotta go with the growing pains. A child, especially one who still has a divorce fresh in their mind— is going to be a little jaded.

They’re probably still under the impression that mom and dad will work it out, and your presence might have thrown a wrench in that. I know it’s tough to hear, but better coming from me than from the kids in a fit of anger. Be patient with them. It might take some time, but I guarantee— one of these days, they’ll extend a hand and it will all be worth it.

If you’re feeling unsure, talk to your spouse

Being a step parent, especially a new one, is tough business. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t. There are so many boundaries that you’re left to figure out on your own. Every child is different, and every parenting style is as well. If you’re feeling unsure about your role, or even discouraged— talk with your spouse.

They might not be able to provide a solution, because ultimately— the solution is time. But, you can vent. You can express your frustration, and get it all off your chest. As we’ve said, you have a tough new role to fall into. Finding ways to be a better step parent to your step children is trying at times. Take your time, find your peace, and know that with time— you’ll get there.

New Parent Problems: Tips for Your New Journey

Being a new parent is exciting, educational, and also, terrifying. You went from worrying about getting enough cheese sticks, and what to paint the nursery— to figuring out why your baby is screaming, and why you’ll never sleep again. The learning experience is pretty hands on, and I’m sure you’ll make a lot of late night calls to your doctor or visits to Google.

Parenting is a rewarding, scary, hilarious journey on your first time by. So we’re going to try and make it a little easier. Following, you’ll find a quick list of tips we hope will help you weather the storm. Every new parent, and their journey, is different. And these tips might be successful for you— or they might not be. It’s all up to your baby.

New Parent Problems: Tips for Your New Journey
Take care of your own health as well

Your newborn needs it’s parents. So, take a little time for self-care. There are two parents, and I’m sure a few lingering relatives— take advantage. By this, I mean take a shower, bath, drink some water, and pour yourself a cup of coffee. Falling asleep while nursing is extremely dangerous. Make sure you’re feeling alright too. Your health is just as important as the health of your baby.

Make a schedule with your partner

As we’ve said, there are two of you. Take turns waking up with baby. Those first few days are probably going to be primarily mama because of the breastfeeding. But, pumping so that dad can wake up with the baby in the night too— will be a lifesaver for both of you. Now, more than ever, a group effort is essential. Make a schedule, whether it’s every other night, or every other time baby wakes up— implement a system and stick with it. You’re both gonna be tired, but a little less than one of you would be if all the work is falling on you.

Accept help

Right after a baby, you’re the most popular person you’ll know. People will want to cook you meals, clean your home, hold baby while you take a nap, and so on. We’re here to tell you: take the help while it lasts. After a few weeks or months, the newness will wear off and inevitably— you’ll end up in that period where most people forget to reach out. So, make the most of your rockstar days and let anyone (you’re comfortable with) who wants to help— help.

Crying is normal

Your baby is gonna cry sometimes. And it might feel like they’ll never stop, but they will. Letting them cry and learn how to soothe themselves, and also just take the time to catch up on Real Housewives, is okay. You’re not a bad parent, your baby isn’t going to hate you forever— eventually they will stop. Just check in from time to time, make sure they’re still in the position you left them in— and let it ride. No matter how hard it may feel, you’ll likely be better off in the end.

Visitation Rights for Grandparents in SC

Parents receive visitation rights after a divorce. However, what about other members of the family? Often, families have many members that have a connection with the child. It is very easy for those members, such as grandparents, to be forgotten during a custody arrangement. It is not uncommon when parents work, for children will stay with other members of the family. Therefore, children are not bound to one parent or another, they have an entire system. This is why they should have an active role in the custody agreement. But what rights do they have? And is visitation something that you can guarantee for other family members?

Grandparents and Visitation Rights

In short, yes, grandparents have visitation rights in South Carolina. However, this was not always the case. Prior to 2014, their visitation rights were tough to obtain. Then, governor Nikki Haley, signed into law the ‘Grandparent Visitation Statute’.

The Grandparent Visitation Statute

This allows grandparents visitation rights as long as they pass a few tests before they receive approval.

The first of those few, is that of proving that the child’s parent(s) deprived the grandparent(s) of the opportunity to see the child for more than 90 days. The second, is providing proof that the grandparents visitation rights will not interfere will the parent-child relationship or custody arrangements.

Lastly, the child would have to be a child of divorce, separation, or lost parents. Also, the grandparent must be a natural of legally adoptive guardian of one parent. This simply means that Grandma’s close friend who has always been in the child’s life is not entitled to visitation as a natural grandparent would be.

Bringing change to an outdated statute

The main problem with South Carolina’s previous law was the term “parent-child” relationship. Essentially, a grandparent would need to have a relationship similar to that of the parent to child to even be considerable for visitation rights. Often, that relationship was not the same, so, the grandparents would lose any rights. In contrast, some courts chose to interpret the law very loosely. So, they would often grant grandparents visitation rights when they had no strong relationship with the child.

Ultimately, the former law was not careful enough to outline family visitation rights. In short, South Carolina fixed the situation with a law that considers each and every party. These changes provide grandparents proper rights after they meet a set of fair and obtainable criteria.

Supervised Visitation: How To Be Flexible and Have Fun

If the only type of visitation you have with your kids is supervised, you’ve got to be able to make the most of it. Supervised visitation is not ideal, but when it’s all you’ve got— it’s better than none at all. So we’re going to help you figure out how to handle it. From what to bring, what activities to choose, and how to have the most fun within the circumstances.

Supervised Visitation: Making the Most of Your Time
First things first, make sure you’re showing up on time

No matter who your supervisor is— whether it be mom, dad, grandma, or an assigned mediator, it is important not to keep them waiting. Chances are, if there are supervised visitations being scheduled— they are also being observed in some capacity. Supervised visitation is never the end goal when it comes to custody. It’s quite likely that you’re working to obtain more visitation rights. Therefore, punctuality is likely to be a consideration.

Plan your time

Whether the planning be as simple as bringing a book or a puzzle, or as in-depth as planning to bake or cook together. You want to have some sort of plan in place for how to use your time. I’m sure you could sit there all day and stare into their sweet eyes. But, spend your time engaging with them instead. Find out how their week has been, what’s new in their life— show interest in their activities.

Tell them about you too. They are interested in your life as well, tell them about it. You want to make these visits as easy as possible. It’s tough to feel dissected in front of a stranger or old spouse, but you have to work with what you’ve got.

Do something educational or creative together

Whether that be reading a book, painting a picture, or putting together a giant puzzle— engage their brain. Plus, if you choose the creative route, that leaves you plenty of time to talk as well and get to know each other in this setting.

Have a plan, but go with the flow as well

If you planned to do one activity, and the child doesn’t want to— have a back up plan. Depending on what your supervised setting is, there could be plenty of activities available to you. As we’ve said, cooking or baking together is a great bonding activity.

You can use the time to bake and decorate a sweet treat together, or teach your child to cook healthy meals. The point is to be flexible, understanding, and patient as you figure all of this out. Supervised visitation is tough to navigate, especially at first.

If you’re having trouble, reach out to a support group, or the internet.

There are plenty of resources to help you acclimate to these changes. We wish you luck and offer our hand, when the time comes to pursue further custody agreements.

Celebrating V Day with Your Kiddos

As Valentine’s Day approaches, you’re probably trying to figure out how to have some fun with the kiddos. The good news is, there are plenty of different ways for you to have fun with your kids on V day. From special foods, celebrations, and love letters— we’re going to give you a few ideas on how to ring in another day of loving your babies. On Valentine’s day, you just have a bigger reason to celebrate it.

Celebrating V Day with Your Kiddos: Having Some Cheesy, Love-Day Fun
Start the day with a themed breakfast!

Valentine’s day falls on a Wednesday this year, so the babies have to go to school— so, get festive with breakfast. Put a few drops of grenadine in their orange juice to make it a ‘sweetheart sunrise’. Cut their pancakes into hearts, or put strawberries and whipped cream on top. Have some fun with it!

Write cute little notes for their lunch

If your kids like bananas, we have an awesome trick for you. Take something slightly pointed, and push a note into the skin of the banana. You don’t have to push through, but by lunch time it will brown into a perfect little note. Or, you can just write it in marker. Or even just write a note! The point is, you have options if this is something you want to do.

Plan a fun night for you guys!

Bake and decorate cookies together, or a heart-shaped cake. Watch kid-friendly movies centered around love. Have dinner by candle light together. Do something to celebrate with the kiddos. Especially if you’re a newly single parent, V day can get you down. But what more perfect remedy than your kids? Celebrate your love of them, and encourage them to do the same with others.

Deliver sweet treats to your neighbors to inspire spreading love and joy

Get your kids in the spirit of giving and spreading love! Take all of those cookies you made, and deliver some to your neighbors. It is important that you instill the idea of giving, and brightening others day to your children. it makes them more compassionate, insightful adults. So, start a new tradition! Every year, on Valentine’s day, you make cookies for the neighbors (or something to that effect). It’s just a suggestion, but it’s a heartwarming way to spread some cheer.

Introducing Your Children to a New Partner

Introducing your kids to a new partner can be quite tricky. Especially if this is the first serious partner since your divorce from their other parent. You’re left to figure out when to tell them, how to tell them, and cope with the reaction. Every child is different, and there’s no telling how they’ll take the news. But, if you’re serious about this person— it’s inevitable. So we’re going to help you navigate the process. The rules to follow, the steps to take, and common missteps made by the masses.

Introducing Your Children to a New Partner

First things first, discuss it with their other parent

It is important to make sure that before you even consider introducing your new partner to your kids— you make their other parent aware. You both, together, must pick a timeline to adhere to. It’s always a smart move to set a time limit on meeting the kids. Whether you and the other parent set that at four months, six months, or a year— you must honor this. If you’re considering breaking the rule, think about how you’d feel if the other parent did the same.

Tell your kids alone, then introduce the two of them

You don’t want to bombard your kids, and you don’t want them to feel threatened either. Introducing your kids to your new partner as you’re telling them you have one can be a bit overwhelming. You want to introduce the idea, let it simmer, then introduce the partner. Your children need to be reminded that this person is not a threat. While that might feel silly to you, and impossible—your child is going to have to adjust to the idea first. Honor that need.

When you introduce them, keep it light and natural

Introduce them, give them a little time to acquaint themselves, and be there if they need you. Every parents hope when introducing their children and a new partner is that they’ll quickly become friends. While it doesn’t always happen like that, try to facilitate that atmosphere. This starts with what we talked about before: telling your kids alone.

It’s pretty intimidating for a new partner to meet your kids, not just the other way around! Set them up for success by preparing them too. Keep it light, low-key, and don’t set expectations. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst— and understand that it might fall somewhere in between. We wish you luck!

Crafting a Foolproof Parenting Plan 

We’ve talked about healthy co-parenting schedules, but now we’re going to make a parenting plan. One of the hardest aspects of divorce when you have kids, is figuring out how to keep the parenting as smooth, and unchanging as possible. You’re probably a bit overwhelmed, wondering where to start. First things first, you need to figure out what to take into consideration when crafting a foolproof parenting plan. It’s a little more formal than a schedule, and something you should spend a lot of time on. So, we’re going to help you. From where to start, what to include, and how you should document it.

Crafting a Foolproof Parenting Plan

Start by making a list

Each parent should make their own, and then one for the kid too. For each parent, it should include days they want with the child, prior engagements, family birthdays, holidays— make the lists separately and then come together for the child’s schedule. It’s important to include everything. Bring your work calendar, your life calendar— bring it all. Make your respective lists, and then hash them out, and put it on paper. You’ll each have to compromise in some regard.

Put it all in writing once a year

You’ll need this to refer to. A schedule is only half of the parenting plan as well. A parenting plan includes things such as: bedtimes, friend time, extracurricular’s, a plan for birthdays and holidays… it goes on and on. Set the date that you’ll tackle this every year. Because, let’s face it, things change over the years— so plan on making amendments once a year. You can keep the same base plan, but it needs to be altered. Mom gets Christmas year one, Dad year two— birthdays are something you come together on, it goes something like this.

Plan for it to be unchanging, but allow for leeway

No one is perfect, and no agreement is perfect. Especially your first plan, so stand by your plan but also be open to the idea of small changes. Although, the key to crafting a foolproof parenting plan, is planning for those changes. Add in a section of ‘ in the event of:’ and include things such as impromptu days off of school, new activities picked up, mom or dad starts dating, and so on. B e as thorough as possible, consider extenuating circumstances— and plan for maybe’s.

Be thorough, sign it, and make three copies

Keep one at your house, one at the other parents, and one in a neutral location. Whether that be grandma’s house, a good friend— just someone you can trust to pass it along in case of emergency or disagreement. While this agreement might not be legally binding, you should both sign it and honor the agreement. This will make it harder to break, and it can be used for record further in the future if need be.

Ultimately, a good parenting plan will make all the difference when it comes down to it. Last minute decisions are typically emotional decisions, and that’s a recipe for disaster when it comes to custody. We wish you luck in drafting, and going forward with your agreement!

Making the Most of Your Custody Time

When you only get to keep your child for a short period of time out of the month— it can be tough to make the most of that time. You’ve been missing those sweet babies, and you probably just want to sit and stare at their sweet little faces. If you do? Go for it. But, they might get a bit bored. Making the most of custody time doesn’t have to be an intricate process where you squeeze out every little drop. It’s about being present, enjoying the moment, and making the time fun and memorable for you both.

Making the Most of Your Custody Time: Having Fun With Your Kids, While Avoiding the ‘Disneyland sentiment’
Anticipate that they’re coming and schedule around it

Life happens, and your work schedule might fall on those days. But, if you know this— make an effort with your former spouse to choose your custody time accordingly. Not everyone has an awesome boss, but if you do— see if you can work around the time you have your kid. Maybe you have to pull a few long days to get that week or weekend off. But, I guarantee you’ll be glad you did when those few days roll around and you have all the time in the world with your little munchkin.

Make a fun plan based around their interests

It doesn’t have to cost money! Maybe they love to play laser tag, so you spend one Saturday turning your house into a Nerf war arena. Or maybe they’re big on plays and Broadway— rent one of the (kid-friendly) classics and teach them a thing or two. No matter what it is, you can show that you’re engaging in their interests and having fun with them too.

Be in the moment AKA: ditch that cell phone

Nowadays, everyone is always nose-deep in their cell phone. But try to ditch it as much as possible when you have your kid(s). If you only get them on odd weekends or weeks, try to b e engaged. Your hilarious Facebook post can wait. Enjoy the time you’ve got. I guarantee you’ll be much more fulfilled by quality time spent than those two hours you let them play video games and you played Candy Crush.

But, Don’t Forget to Honor the Rules

They’ve got a bedtime? Honor it. They aren’t allowed to watch scary movies? Follow through on that. No parent wants that dreaded ‘Disneyland’ status. That begins when you ditch the rules just because you feel bad, or want them to like you more. You’re still their parent, and there are still rules when they’re with you. Honoring the normal routines will remind them that you are still in control, you are still their parent, and while we have fun— it’s not all about the fun.