Blog

Trust Issues: Frequent Signs

Trust issues can be a big reason as to why a couple may get a divorce. Still, not many people are aware of what these issues may look like. Having a better understanding of these signs can be handy for spotting and avoiding them in the future…

Trust Issues: Figure Them Out

Anticipating betrayal

One usual sign of trust issues are when you or your partner expect some kind of betrayal. Now, if you were dealing with someone who has a track record of lying, this would make sense. However, odds are your relationship doesn’t have this. Despite this, you may still expect one day to find your spouse is lying or cheating.

Even if they have shown no indication of this, you still plan for it nonetheless. For some, this is because of trust violation in the past. The thing is, all relationships are different. You have to be willing to give a fair chance to your partner.

Trusting too quickly

On the other side of trust issues are problems trusting too quickly. If you don’t have a lot of experience with building relationships based on trust, then you could offer a lot of trust to those who haven’t given you a reason to. It could be that you end up placing a lot of trust in someone you’ve known for a short time.

Trust, much like with respect, has to be earned. You need to be able to see and get a feeling for someone in order to be able to trust them. It’s good to approach any potential new friend or partner with an open mind, extending trust to them as you build a repertoire.

Mistakes are blown up

Blowing up mistakes into apparently massive issues are another example of trust issues. Everyone is going to mistakes, especially in relationships. Some will be pretty minor and not worth sweating. Yet, if you have issues with trust, you could potentially see them as part of a bigger issue.

Maybe your partner is running a bit late, or isn’t able to answer your calls. If you have problems trusting, then you may view this as them hiding something from you or hating you. In reality, they aren’t big deals, and you have to view them from the right mindset.

Balancing Time: Being Together Vs. Alone

Like many things in life, a good relationship will require balancing time. However, many couples struggle to find a good balance of time spent together and time spent alone. Figuring out a good mix can help avoid some potential issues a poor balance can bring…

Balancing Time: Find Some Middle Ground

Time together

The first aspect of balancing time is the time you spend together as a couple. It’s ideal that a couple will like spending time with each other. Additionally, while this time can be spent in many ways, the key thing is you enjoy being with your partner. Whether you’re out doing something or just relaxing at home, you’ll still value each other’s company.

Still, too much time together can potentially be bad. Even the most-inseparable couples need some space away from each other from time to time. If you don’t have that time, you’ll find you and your partner will begin to get irritated, even if you can’t tell why at first. Eventually, you won’t want to spend any time with them if you can help it.

Time apart

This is where time apart comes into the balancing time mix. This will be time you spend doing things without your partner being there. Many people spend this time being with friends or family. Still, you can also spend this time by yourself, either doing a hobby or just relaxing.

Of course, too much time apart can also be an issue. Not being with your partner can cause them to think you don’t care about them or love them. Over time, this can result in trust issues to develop. These issues can get to the point where your relationship is unable to recover.

Strike your balance

Balancing time is something every couple has to try and figure out. As every couple is a bit different, this balance will look different from one to another. Plus, it might take some experimentation before you find the balance which works for you.

The important thing is you and your partner work together to find this perfect balance. Talk to each other and figure out some ways to really enjoy your time together. Then, also discuss when and why you may want some time apart. Being on the same page will go a long way in avoiding potential problems.

Parallel Co-Parenting

Many couples find that becoming co-parents isn’t as easy as they had thought. If you find you’re having trouble, then it may help to try parallel co-parenting. This approach could be the solution to your problems and help you reach a more cohesive plan…

Parallel Co-Parenting: How It Helps

Conflicting viewpoints

Some couples will actually agree for the most part on what their co-parenting plan should be like. For some, however, they may find they struggle to even be in the same room as each other. This means it’s nearly impossible for them to come to a shared-upon plan.

As a result, more time will be spent fighting then coming to any sort of middle ground. Most co-parents in this situation will see their attempts to talk to one another end up in personal arguments. Not only will this make things harder for you, but it’ll make it much harder on your kids too. That’s why parallel co-parenting is a helpful option to consider.

Parallel approach

A parallel co-parenting plan aims to let you fulfill your co-parenting duties without the drama. Basically, you’ll be taking a more business-like approach to dealing with your co-parent. You’ll focus only on the kids, keep it to-the-point, and preferably do it in a way that won’t cause issues.

These plans also allow for a bit more independence then other ones. Of course, you’ll want to make important decisions on things like education or medical care together. But, for those more mundane day-to-day matters, you can be a bit more flexible as to what you decide to do.

Key benefits

The parallel co-parenting system comes with a good number of benefits. For starters, it lessens the amount of conflict between you and your ex. That means you can spend less time fighting, and more time being parents to your kids. The lack of conflict will also be great for your kids’ wellbeing too.

It’ll also give you more confidence in your parenting decisions. You won’t have to worry as much as to what your co-parent will say and if it’ll turn into an argument. With a parallel plan, both you and them can still parent effectively while maintaining flexibility.

How-to Handle an Unhelpful Co-Parent

Ideally, you and you co-parent will be able to work well together after your divorce. However, there may be times when you have to deal with an unhelpful co-parent. Knowing how to handle these kinds of situations is important for avoiding any major conflict…

How-to Handle an Unhelpful Co-Parent: Manage Problems

Consider the issue

When you have an unhelpful co-parent, you should consider what exactly the issue is. In particular, is the problem related to them refusing to co-parent? If not, then they may not be trying to be unhelpful on purpose. Instead, it could just be a misunderstanding.

After all, co-parenting isn’t always easy. This is especially true when you’re just starting off. When you’re running into issues, consider if they’re more just growing pains rather than purposeful difficulties. That way, you can better approach your co-parent and work out what’s wrong.

Troublesome topics

It could be that you only deal with an unhelpful co-parent when it comes to specific situations. For instance, maybe you notice you run into troubles when you ask for schedule adjustments. Everything else may be fine, but it’s this area where they always seem to be rather unhelpful.

It could be that there’s some kind of communication breakdown occurring. When you experience miscommunication, it can make your co-parent get the wrong idea about what’s going on. In turn, this can make them act rather unhelpful. Clarifying matters with your co-parent can clear these problems up and ensure you’re all on the same page.

Consider some changes

One thing you should consider is if any changes will help you solve your unhelpful co-parent problems. It could be that a lack of flexibility is leading to your struggles. It may even be that your co-parent thinks you’re the unhelpful one! At this point, you’ll definitely want to change things.

Even minor changes can go a long way in resolving your issues. Therefore, be open-minded and listen to what your co-parent has to say. By showing you take their concerns seriously and are willing to make some changes to help them, it’ll go a long way in avoiding other problems. Soon, you’ll see that your co-parenting arrangement will now work for everybody better than before.

Difficult Conversations: Adoptive Parents & Kids

As an adoptive parent, there will likely be a time you may have to have some difficult conversations with the child you adopted. These topics could be as difficult as poverty, criminal behavior, abandonment, abuse or neglect.There is not going to be a perfect script or magical way to make these conversations go smoothly. However, there are some tips you can use to try and help you through these talks. 

Difficult Conversations: How to Handle Them

Honesty

Your child’s difficult story may be hard for you to handle or grasp. Any hardships they have faced will be upsetting to you. This may want to make you want to skirt around the truth when they ask questions. The best thing to do is be honest. You may think you are protecting them, but one day they will likely find out the truth and be upset that you hid it. This is especially true with so much information being on the internet. During difficult conversations, it is best to just be honest. 

Openness

Be open to having difficult conversations as much as your children want to. This will take time, and may reoccur many times. These stories are part of them. They may have images, memories, trauma and fear deep inside of them that may never go away. Because of this, they may need to keep talking about it with you over a long period of time. After a while, these conversations may start to drain you, but for the child’s sake, keep having these conversations. Keep being willing to listen. 

Compassion

During these difficult conversations, and always, show compassion. Your child may have a lot of healing to do, and your compassion will help them on that journey. As mentioned before, it likely will be a long road, but show plenty of love along the way. Be sympathetic towards their suffering, what they went through and are currently feeling.

Listen

Sometimes, it’s best to just listen. Do not try and interrupt or counter anything that they’re saying. Let them know it is okay for them to talk to you. Sometimes, as adults, we need to vent. Your children should be afforded the same thing. Especially when getting into difficult conversations, just allow them to speak. 

While no one likes difficult conversations, they are bound to come up after you have adopted a child. These tips can help guide you during these conversations. Remember to be honest, open, compassionate and listen.

How-to Make a Divorce Announcement

It can be unpleasant or uncomfortable to have difficult conversations. However, whenever you are going through a divorce, you will have to tell people news that can be tough to talk about. It is up to you to determine who you want to tell and how much information you want to share. No one goes into a marriage planning on having to talk about divorce, so it is not unusual to be unsure about how to make a divorce announcement.

How-to Make a Divorce Announcement: Telling People the News

Who to Tell

First, you will need to decide who to share your divorce announcement with. This will be different for each couple that is splitting up. Start with people who are closest to you. This could include your parents and siblings, but most importantly your children (if you have any). Your children may be the hardest people to tell, as they could be the most emotional about it. They will be concerned with what life will be like with divorced parents, and how their life will be changing. Depending on how old they are, they may fully understand what is going on.

Whether you tell the remaining people in your life is up to you. If you are a very private person, you may decide only tell a very small circle the news. On the other hand, you could want to tell everyone. Each person will have his or own comfort levels about who to share the news with.

How to Tell People

Next, you will need to figure out how to tell people. Those who want to tell everyone may choose to put their divorce announcement on social media. Be careful with this, as anything you say on social media could come back to haunt you. This means you should keep anything you say short and tactful. However, keep in mind it could even be used in court against you. Another way to tell a large group of people is by mass email. Again, this is a little impersonal, but a quick way to spread the word.

If you are wanting to tell a smaller number of people, or choose to have a more intimate conversation about such a personal event, you may want to tell people one-on-one. This could mean a phone call, or even a face-to-face meeting. While it can sometimes almost be more difficult to brake the news in person versus hiding behind a screen, it can also be more comforting at the same time. Your friend or family member will be able to talk you through everything and show you that they care. They will be there to laugh with you, cry with you, and embrace you if you need it.

There are many ways to share a divorce announcement. Every individual situation is different and unique. Therefore, you have to do what is right for you and what you.

Who Needs a Will? When do I Need a Will?

Knowing who needs a will and when you should create a will is an important step in preparing for you future. A will is a legal document that spells out what will happen to your assets if you die. It also lays out who will be in charge of managing your assets. If you are married, you should create a will. If you have any children, you’ll want to create a will for their benefit. And anybody with positive assets should have a will in place. Having an experienced attorney guide you through the process of creating a will should give you peace of mind about your loved ones after you pass.

Who Needs a Will? When do I Need a Will?

Married

If you are married, then you’re someone who needs a will. When you die without a will, your assets would likely pass to your spouse, but it’s not a guarantee. Therefore, a will can ensure that your spouse receives your assets if that is what you wish. If there is anybody else that you want to give some assets to, this would be included in your will.

Children

Parents definitely fall into the category of people who need a will in place. In general, children inherit after your spouse has also died. So if you’d rather they inherit assets differently, you’ll need to spell that out. You can choose how to divide assets and property among your children however you’d like. In addition, a will lays out who the executor of your estate will be. It will also designate guardians for your children. This is obviously a huge part of why you need a will. The guardian will be in charge of raising your children after your passing. You’ll need to update your will if you have more children, or if anything changes with your guardianship plans.

Positive Assets

Finally, the question of who needs a will also depends on your assets and debt. If you have positive assets, you’ll want to create a will. Having positive assets means that your assets are greater than your debts. Therefore, if you’ve made and saved a lot of money and it exceeds any debts then you’ll want to designate what happens to it. Similarly, if you’ve inherited large sums of money or property, you’ll need to spell out what should be done in the event of your death.

If you’ve been wondering who needs a will, the answer really depends on whether or not it’s important to you to designate what happens to your assets or property after you die. For example, if you’re married and want to make absolutely sure your spouse inherits, or want to prevent that for any reason. If you have children, a will is important so that you can designate how they inherit assets and property from you. It also will spell out who should care for them after you die. And finally, if you’ve managed to save a bigger sum of money than your debts, you’ll want to designate who it goes to. By creating a will, you’ll be able to take care of loved ones even after you pass away.

The Do’s and Don’t of Visitation After Divorce

The transition from living in one house to two houses after a divorce can be very difficult for children. There are plenty of do’s and don’t of visitation after divorce to make this transition easier for your kids. You should try to be flexible on time and schedule with your ex-spouse. In addition, always be respectful when interacting with one another in front of your kids. Don’t try to win your children’s love by spoiling them. And don’t use your time with the children to bad mouth your ex. Your children need you to remain supportive and respectful to make this difficult period in their lives a little less stressful.

The Do’s and Don’t of Visitation After Divorce: Make the Transition Easier

Do: Be Flexible on Time

One important rule of visitation after divorce that can help smooth things out is to always remain flexible. If you and your ex are trading children back and forth between your houses, there will be times when you get off schedule. It’s inevitable that something will delay you at some point or another. If you set the precedence of being understanding with one another from the get-go, it can make any situation that comes up less combative.

Do: Be Respectful

When you and your spouse are interacting during visitation after divorce, always be respectful of one another. Whether or not you believe they or you are in the wrong, it’s important to put on a good face for your children. They will be watching how you interact with each other. Showing them that you can still be kind and respectful will teach them a valuable life lesson. In addition, parents yelling in front of children can induce anxiety. And surely the last thing you’d want for your children is to be scared when they are already having to adjust to so many changes.

Don’t: Spoil the Children

Visitation after divorce is a time to re-connect with your children. It should strengthen your relationship with them. Don’t try to buy their love by giving them tons of gifts. You’ll just wind up spoiling them. In the end, if you can use your time to connect with them and build trust, they’ll be closer to you in the long run. Children should look forward to spending time with you and not just getting presents.

Don’t: Bad Mouth Your Ex

One important rule for visitation after divorce is to remember never to bad mouth your ex. You and your partner might have a very contentious divorce. But your partner is still a parent to your kids. You don’t need to rope your children into the details of what went wrong in your relationship. In addition, don’t make your children feel guilty for spending time with their other parents. You should never try to disrupt the relationship between your ex and your children. Just like you wouldn’t want them disrupting yours.

Visitation after divorce can be complicated. It’s a large adjustment for children who are used to spending time with you both in one house. However, you can ease the transition by remembering to be respectful of your ex and never bad-mouthing them to your children. In addition, try to remain flexible about timing. And remember to make the most of your time together instead of just trying to buy their love with presents. They are going through a stressful time in their lives. They need to support and dedication of both parents working together. If you and your ex can put aside your differences and focus on what’s best for your children, you’ll be able to make visitation a very positive experience for them.

Divorcing Young: Why It Happens

These days, there’s less younger couples marrying than in the past. For those that do, many of them end up divorcing young as well. Much like with older couples, there’s a few reasons in particular why they tend to split up…

Divorcing Young: Why It Happens

Realizing they rushed

One common reason for divorcing young is that these couples realize they’ve rushed things. Relationships go in stages, and the “honeymoon” stage in particular can be misleading. During this stage, everything between you and your partner seems perfect. In fact, you might think you have no problems, because in your eyes, your partner can do no wrong.

It’s this mindset which causes many young couples to rush into marriage. However, much like an actual honeymoon, that phase doesn’t last forever. Eventually, reality will start to set in, and they’ll realize they’re not ready to be married just yet. As a result, they’ll end up divorcing.

You don’t know each other

This reason for divorcing young is somewhat related to rushing. When couples are in those early stages of dating, they don’t really know each other all too well. They might know some surface-level things, but they aren’t aware of say how living together might go.

Being in that mindset where you “think” you know them can lead you to tying the know. But, as you begin to spend more time with each other, you might realize you don’t get along like you thought. This can make you see that you’ve basically married someone who is still a stranger to you.

Different Future Goals

Divorcing young can also be due to both partners having different goals in mind for the future. For example, one partner might want to try and finish up school or find a good job before having kids. Meanwhile, the other one wants to have kids now and not wait.

Disagreements like this can paint a bigger picture. Eventually, both partners may realize that they want completely different things in the future. This can place them at odds with one another. Unfortunately, this usually means that they’ll have to split in order to achieve those goals.

Divorce Recovery: Bounce Back

Divorce can be hard to deal with, even when you’ve finished everything. That’s why it’s important to focus on your divorce recovery. There’s a few steps you can take which’ll help you start to move on with your life again…

Divorce Recovery: Turn Things Around

Focus & reflect

It’s helpful to start your divorce recovery by taking some time to focus and reflect on what’s happened. It can be tempting to try and move forward and not think about the past. However, by doing that, you won’t process the baggage you’re carrying. This can come back to hurt you, especially in future relationships.

Rather, think about the issues you had in your marriage. What was causing you guys the most distress and arguments? By reflecting on these things, you can learn what to work on and avoid in the future. This will also let you set some good goals for self-improvement.

Keep busy

Keeping busy is also helpful for your divorce recovery. Having nothing to do will have you not just be bored, but also can cause you to dwell on negative memories. Thinking about all the things you used to do with your spouse can make you feel more sad and isolated.

Therefore, it’s good to keep yourself busy. One good way to do this is by finding a new hobby or activity. It’s especially handy to try and find something that has groups which you can join. Doing so is great for making new friends.

Practice forgiveness

It’s important to practice forgiveness as part of your divorce recovery. In specific, there’s two types of forgiveness to do. First, you should forgive yourself and not place all the blame on your shoulders. There are many reasons as to why things didn’t work out, but you aren’t the only one responsible.

It’s also good to try and forgive your ex too. After all, it’s not like they went into the marriage wanting a divorce. Both of you made mistakes, so it’s good to be able to forgive and move on. Holding on to regret will just pull you down and get in the way of your recovery.