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Category: divorce advice

Holiday Season Divorce: A Good Idea?

While the holidays are around the corner, you may have something more pressing on your mind: divorce. Even if you’ve been thinking it over for a while, is a holiday season divorce is a good idea? There’s a few things to consider which can help you make a decision…

Holiday Season Divorce: A Good Idea?

Consider the state of your marriage

When considering a holiday season divorce, you have to look at what your marriage is like now. If your marriage is so toxic that it makes you constantly miserable or unhappy, then it’s best to get things moving towards divorce now. This is especially true if things are abusive, and your well-being is at risk.

However, if things aren’t at those points, then you might want to wait until after the holidays. After all, the holidays tend to be a time where people spend a lot of money and do a lot of travel. That can make it hard to really get your divorce started properly, so it may be better to wait.

Will you regret the timing?

You also have to consider if you’ll regret the timing that comes with a holiday season divorce. After all, choosing to divorce will mean a total change to your holiday plans. Often times, you might end up finding yourself spending this time alone rather than with others like you’re used to.

This kind of change can make the holiday season especially hard. Throw in the demands of divorce, and it can really be difficult to handle. In fact, it could get to the point where the loneliness prompts you to try and go back to a relationship that isn’t good for you. Therefore, you need to make sure you’re ready for this kind of change.

Consider how it will impact others

Divorce is, of course, a very personal matter. However, a holiday season divorce does mean you have to consider the holiday plans of your family and friends. A divorce will put a damper on those plans, especially if you have kids. Divorcing during this time could seriously have a negative impact on them.

Post-Divorce Info: Key Updates

When your divorce is finally over, you might be hoping to finally relax a bit. However, there’s still some post-divorce info you’ll want to get updated. Taking the time now to get everything good to go will save you from headaches down the line…

Post-Divorce Info: Key Updates

Address info

One piece of post-divorce info you want to update pretty quickly is your address. A lot of people will  find themselves getting ready to move to a new home or apartment once their divorce is over. If you find yourself in this kind of position, it’s important that you update your address information properly.

For instance, you’ll want to keep people you trust like your friends and family in the loop about your new address. Depending on your job, it might also be helpful to let your boss know as well. Don’t forget that you might need to update your address for things such as taxes and voter registration.

Financial info

Another piece of post-divorce info to take care of is your financial info. Many married couples will like to either share a bank account together, or have access to each other’s personal accounts. After your divorce, that’s not something you’ll want to have for security reasons. Therefore, you’ll want to update this information too.

If you and you ex had a shared account, then it’s a good idea to go ahead and get your own account. You might also be able to revoke the access your ex had to your own personal account, but it’s safer to open up a brand-new account just in case. Also, remember to let your employer know about any relevant changes, such as if you use direct deposit, to ensure your pay ends up in the right place!

Contact info

Contact information is also some important post-divorce info to update. Some spouses like to share things such as email accounts or phone plans. After your divorce, you might need to make some alterations in these areas.

Many divorced people tend to get new email accounts set up as well as new phone numbers. That way, they don’t have to worry about their ex having any access or control over their accounts. Plus, if you had a particularly nasty divorce, you might want to make changes to these things to improve your privacy, especially away from your ex.

Court Behavior: What To Avoid

How you dress in court is very important. Still, just as important is how you act when you’re there. Your court behavior will have a lot of influence on how smoothly things go for you. Therefore, there’s a few things in particular you want to avoid doing…

Court Behavior: What To Avoid

Being late

Being on time is an important part of your court behavior. Basically, it shows that this is something you’re taking seriously. Being late, even by a little bit, can leave you starting off on the wrong foot. In court, that’s something you want to avoid as best you can.

Therefore, don’t just try to show up on time. Try to make it a little bit earlier instead. That way, you give yourself a buffer in case there’s bad traffic on the drive to the courthouse. Plus, that also gives you time to double-check everything and make sure you have what you need before you leave.

Distractions

One of the worst things you can do in the courtroom is appear to be distracted. If the judge feels like you’re not paying attention, they might think this doesn’t matter to you. That can really shape their impression of you for the rest of the proceedings. As a result, you need to be attentive as part of good court behavior.

Keep your focus on the judge and what they ask of you. It’s also especially important to keep your phone off and away. Being caught on your phone, or even having it go off, can be pretty disrespectful. Don’t take the risk, and keep it out of sight and silent.

Being rude

Rude behavior is a sure-fire way to hurt your chances in court. For starters, it serves to make you look bad to the judge. Also, it can cause the judge to question either your motives, or if you deserve something like child custody. Rudeness just hurts nobody but yourself in the courtroom.

Therefore, always be sure to be polite and respectful. Don’t call names or make backtalk to either the judge, or your spouse. Be sure to watch your emotions as well. You want to come off as someone who is cool, confident, and collected to the judge.

Post-Divorce Checklist

Going through a divorce can be pretty tiring. Once things are over, you might you can start putting things behind you. However, there still will be things you’ll need to take care of afterwards. That’s why it helps to set up a post-divorce checklist, which can help you see what you need to take care of, and when…

Post-Divorce Checklist

Cover everything

Your personal post-divorce checklist will be centered around what you’ll need to take care of in the upcoming future. However, it’s key to not to forget anything. Some things might appear to be more important than others. Still, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t include them on your checklist.

An easy way to do this is by going through the main categories of things you’ll need to cover. For instance, this includes things such as asset splitting, financial matters, and anything related to the kids. It always helps to play it safe and write down anything you think will be important on your checklist.

Prioritize the events

Once you have everything down on your post-divorce checklist, you’ll then want to prioritize things. In order to do that, you have to look at what’s time-sensitive and what isn’t. For instance, if something is due in 7 days, versus something that’s due in 2 months, then it’s clear what should be prioritized!

Still, there might be some things you want to prioritize that don’t necessarily have a deadline. Something which falls into this category would be bank accounts. While splitting bank accounts doesn’t really have a deadline, it’s something you’ll want to do quickly for extra financial security.

Remember the small stuff

Most people think their post-divorce checklist should only focus on the big, major items for each category. However, some of those “small” things could end up becoming big deals if you neglect them. Therefore, while they might be low down on your priorities, don’t forget to get around to them!

A checklist is a great way to get things which might seem overwhelming all nice and organized. That way, you can begin to take care of these matters without it becoming too stressful to handle. This will also help you begin to achieve the new goals you set for yourself in your post-divorce life.

Divorce Indicators: Common Signals

For a lot of couples, divorce is something which catches them by surprise. This makes them try and think about if there were any tells they should’ve seen coming. In fact, there’s a handful of divorce indicators which can signal that a divorce might be on the horizon…

Divorce Indicators: Common Signals

Thinking about divorce

One of the most common and most direct divorce indicators is if you’re constantly thinking about leaving your partner. At first, this seems pretty straightforward. If you’re already thinking about splitting up, then divorce might seem like it’s a guarantee. However, many people who think like these don’t see it that way.

A lot of times, these people will put off bringing the topic up. “I’ll bring it up tomorrow” is a common occurring thought which never materializes. Still, once those thoughts begin to become more and more common, it’s in both of your best interests to take things to the next step of action.

Infidelity

Infidelity is also another one of the common divorce indicators. This applies to both you and your partner. If you begin to consider having an affair, or find your spouse is having one, then it shows that the trust in your marriage has been eroded.

Once this trust has been lost, it is very hard to repair it. Many times, it’s also an indicator of some deeper, underlying issue in the marriage. These could be problems about attention, intimacy, happiness, or just feeling valued. It’s always better to end things in your current relationship before engaging in this sort of behavior.

Constant arguments

Divorce indicators don’t just pop up out of nowhere. Often times, they start out small, and gradually become worse and worse until divorce is inevitable. Constant arguing is one of these indicators that’s like this.

At first, things might start small with some more bickering than usually. Eventually, this can involve into constant arguments over even the most trivial of issues. In fact, things can get so bad, that just the sight of your spouse makes you angry. Once things escalate to this point, the healthiest option might be to just call things off.

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Divorce is an extremely stressful event for both the people involved and their families. Due to this, it might not be a bad idea to consider divorce therapy. However, if you’ve never met with a therapist before, this can feel like a daunting task. Still, it might help you to know how exactly these professionals can help…

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Cope with emotions

Divorce is an emotional time, and sometimes those emotions can get overwhelming. This becomes very apparent if they’re negative emotions. Many times, these emotions can end up getting the better of people and negatively impact their divorce.

However, divorce therapy can help you cope with your emotions. A therapist can work with you to figure out where exactly these emotions are stemming from and what causes you to feel them. That way, you can work on strategies to keep the under control in a healthy and productive manner, and eventually work past them.

Help with the kids

Divorce therapy can also be helpful if you’re a parent. Divorce can have a pretty significant impact on your children. Due to this, many parents worry about what exactly they should or shouldn’t be doing, and what kinds of things they should look for in their children’s behavior.

A therapist can help you better understand what’s going through your kids’ heads. This is especially true if you meet up with a family therapist. These therapists help out all members of the family, and can have both you and your children work together to better understand how you each feel about what’s going on.

Build a plan for the future

One of the worst aspects of divorce is the uncertainty it brings. With the end of your marriage, the plans you used to have for the future are probably no longer possible. Many people get anxious when thinking about their new future, and are unsure of where exactly they should start to get things going again.

However, if you choose divorce therapy, then you can work with your therapist to build a new plan. The therapist can help you figure out what exactly you might be afraid of and how to get excited for the new opportunities in your life. That way, you can start to feel more confident about your life post-divorce.

Common Divorce Reasons

People divorce for a wide variety of reasons. However, some reasons tend to be more common than others. These common divorce reasons can be indicators of when things are going south. Knowing these signs can help you realize when you might need to change course, or if it’s best to call things off…

Common Divorce Reasons

Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most common divorce reasons. Cheating and affairs tend to be a breaking point for a lot of marriages. For many couples, this represents a violation of trust between each partner. Once this trust is violated, it’s hard for couples to reconcile and come back together.

The reasons behind why partners cheat aren’t always so clear-cut. Sometimes, it’s due to underlying issues in the relationship, especially in regards to intimacy. Other times, it could be due to pent up frustrations, or just when a partner gives into temptation. Ultimately, it’s up to you to determine if you can work things out with your spouse, or if you want to split.

Poor communication

Communication troubles also are one of the common divorce reasons. Good communication is an important foundation for any marriage. Couples who are able to talk to one another in a healthy and productive manner tend to work out their issues both quickly, and in a way that leaves both sides happy.

However, couples with poor communication tend to struggle. They end up in constant arguments, which just get worse and worse over time. Eventually, this leads to both partners becoming fed up with each other, and many will opt for divorce to prevent things from getting even worse.

Abuse

Abuse is one of the most unfortunate common divorce reasons. Marriage, and life itself is difficult, and sadly some people take out their frustrations out on their spouses. In these situations, divorce is a means for someone to get away from their abuser.

Abuse doesn’t have to be physical. In fact, it can also be emotional, or a combination of each. Either way, any kind of abuse is something which shouldn’t be tolerated. Remember that a person’s own personal safety should take priority in any kind of relationship.

Working Post-Divorce

Having to work while going through your divorce can be tricky enough. However, what if you’re looking to re-enter to workforce? Working post-divorce can seem like another difficult challenge. However, there are ways for you to find your fit…

Working Post-Divorce

Find your interests

The first part of working post-divorce is figuring out your interests. It’s no surprise that people tend to enjoy working jobs that line up with their interests. As a result, it helps to figure out what your interests are before job hunting. A career counselor can be helpful in showing you what fields to consider.

Also, if you were working before your divorce, you don’t have to rush right back into your old job. This is the perfect time to really think about what you want to truly be doing. It might be time to look for something new, for both the sake of your financials and mental health. Just don’t leave your job until you have something else secured!

Look all around

Working post-divorce means being aware of your options. As a result, it helps to look around for any recent open job positions near you. The easiest way to do this is by using online job boards. With how many there are, you have a lot of places to check to see if there’s something that matches what you’re looking for.

Still, even with the convenience of the internet, in-person applications are a good option as well. In fact, they can even be preferable, as they can help you make a good first impression. Therefore, don’t be afraid to pay an in-person visit! Even if they aren’t hiring now, they may get in touch when they are.

Consider additional education

A lot of well-paying jobs these days require some form of higher education. Therefore, if you’re interested in working post-divorce, it’s not a bad idea to get some extra education. It’s not uncommon to see more older adults on college campuses, who are in the process of pursuing their degrees.

Plus, the nice thing is that you don’t have to go to a university to get more education. Many community colleges offer courses at similar levels, but for much less. You can even find out about taking online classes, making it so that getting more education doesn’t get in the way of your schedule.

Divorce Shaming: How To Handle It

These days, divorce isn’t as looked down upon as it used to be. However, unfortunately there are still people who engage in shaming others who chose to divorce. If you’re a victim of divorce shaming, then there’s a few ways in which you can try to handle it…

Divorce Shaming: How To Handle It

Cut out the negativity

Divorce shaming can cause a lot of negative emotions to develop. It can make you feel like your divorce is a mistake or you’re not ready for what’s ahead. However, this isn’t the kind of thing you need in your life. That’s why it’s important to cut this negativity out as best you can. 

For starters, do you best to cut out those who are shaming you in the first place. Any friends or family who shame you aren’t worth your time. Workplace gossip is also common if word gets out that you’re divorcing. When this happens, it’s a good idea to go to to your boss or HR to see if they can help you make that talk stop. 

Take time to de-stress 

Not only can divorce shaming make you feel pretty negatively, it can also cause a lot of stress. Of course, too much stress is not good for one’s health. Plus, this stress can get in the way of your divorce matters. Therefore, you’ll want to be able to de-stress as best you can. 

One way to do this is to work out the stress. Joining a gym can really help you get all that pent up frustration out of your system. However, maybe you like something a bit more relaxing. Picking up a nice, calming hobby can help melt all that stress away. 

Find some support

Experiencing divorce shaming can make you feel isolated. You might start to feel alone in your divorce, which makes it all the more harder to get things done. However, it’s important to know you’re not the only one who has gone through this before. That’s where support groups can come in handy. 

Divorce support groups are a great way to get the extra confidence boost you might need. These groups are made up of people who know exactly what you’re going through. Odds are, they might have experienced their own run-ins with divorce shaming too. They can help you develop some good strategies which can help you push those negative thoughts and comments out of your mind.

Divorce Boundaries: How To Set Them

Divorce requires you to make a lot of changes. One of those changes comes in regards to your personal boundaries. Setting divorce boundaries can be hard, but well worth it in order to make your divorce process a lot easier…

Divorce Boundaries: How To Set Them

With your ex

Some of the first divorce boundaries you’ll want to set are with your ex. It’s important to ensure that you both figure out what kind of boundaries will make you both feel comfortable. This includes things related to communication, living accommodations, and anything else that might pertain to contact outside of divorce matters. 

For example, maybe you’ll both be comfortable with sharing the house while the divorce goes on. Or, maybe you’d prefer it if you lived separate instead. Either way, it’s important to make these boundaries clear and firm to your spouse so there’s no confusion. 

With your kids

Setting divorce boundaries with your kids can be hard. On the one hand, you certainly want to give them support during this difficult time. Yet, you still have to be their parent and maintain some discipline as well. It’s important to find the right balance that’ll work for you and your kids’ needs. 

This time is good for getting a feel for how you’ll parent after the divorce is over. You’ll have to still be their parent, but you’ll probably be co-parenting with your ex as well. Still, it’s important to be considerate and understand how they’re feeling, and help them with adjusting. 

With friends and family

Divorce boundaries with friends and family might not cross your mind at first. After all, they’re going to be a major source of support for you during this time. However, they might go a little overboard with advice and suggestions, which can get overwhelming very quickly. 

That’s why it’s important to be upfront with your friends and family about your boundaries. Let them know what you’ll be comfortable talking about and sharing. If they keep pushing, remain respectful yet firm about your boundaries, and they should get the hint. If not, then you’ll know not to discuss divorce things with them going forward.