Category: Divorce

Navigating a High-Conflict Divorce

A high-conflict divorce can be incredibly taxing and stressful for everybody involved. Divorce is often contentious, but some are more explosive than others. If you are going through a very stressful divorce, it can be helpful to seek the advice of professionals. Having an experienced team around you to help you navigate the emotional and legal aspects of the situation can help you feel more in control. It can also help to practice calming techniques to reduce your anxiety. Finally, there are some tactics you can use when interacting with your ex that might be able to help keep things a little calmer. Hopefully, you’ll be able to finalize your divorce quickly and begin the process of healing and moving on.

Navigating a High-Conflict Divorce: Reducing Stress and Calming the Waters

Contributing Factors

Many things can contribute to high-conflict divorce. Sometimes, spouses let spite and resentment control the situation, rather than reason. If you or your ex are making decisions just to hurt the other, things will likely escalate. Child custody issues can also increase the tension in any divorce proceeding, especially if you feel that your ex is not a suitable caregiver. And of course, emotions can also run high if there is infidelity.

Seeking Professional Help

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce, surrounding yourself with experienced professionals can help you feel like you’re more in control. For instance, a mediator can help you settle issues outside of court. An attorney can help you fight for what you deserve with your settlement. And therapy can help you manage your stress levels and begin the healing process.

Calming Techniques

Calming techniques can help you settle down if you are going through a high-conflict divorce. Practice breathing exercises like deep breathing, mentally counting, or a 4-7-8 breath. Meditation, journaling, and yoga can all help you feel calmer at the end of the day. And finally, getting exercise, taking time for yourself, and getting outside some each day can also help you reduce stress.

Reducing Conflict

Finally, there are some tactics you can use to reduce the tension in a high-conflict divorce. For example, improving your communication skills with your ex can be helpful. Speaking from your perspective about how you feel rather than accusing your spouse can go a long way. Additionally, communicating in writing can help you organize your thoughts and prevent you from saying things in the heat of the moment that you’ll regret later. Finally, it’s helpful to prioritize the things that are most important to you with your settlement and let the rest go. Don’t get hung up on petty arguments, but instead, focus on the bigger picture.

High-conflict divorce is difficult for anybody to handle. While every divorce is stressful in its way, particularly contentious ones can leave you feeling quite shaken. Tensions might run high because of several factors, like custody disputes, infidelity, or simply a conflict of personalities. Enlist the help of qualified professionals like mediators, attorneys, and therapists to help you navigate these tricky waters. Use calming techniques like exercise or journaling to help you clear your head. And finally, try to calm tensions by improving communication with your ex and learning to compromise. While no divorce is fun, some can be draining. Hopefully, you can get the settlement you deserve and begin to move on quickly.

Common Triggers for Divorce

People divorce for many different reasons, however, there are some common triggers for divorce that tend to break couples up more often than others. For example, infidelity can quickly lead to a lack of trust between partners. Many couples end up choosing divorce because their relationship is stagnant, or because they realize that they are going down different paths in life. Money issues are another common reason for stress in a marriage. And finally, some couples decide to divorce because of a lack of intimacy. If you and your partner are experiencing any of these struggles, the best thing you can do is establish clear communication with one another. Marriage counseling can be hugely beneficial. Hopefully, you’ll be able to navigate these hurdles and make your relationship even stronger.

Common Triggers for Divorce and How to Navigate Them in Your Marriage

Infidelity

One of the most common triggers for divorce is cheating. Affairs often happen because couples stop communicating with one another or begin seeking solace outside of their relationship. The best way to avoid this is to establish clear and honest communication from the start of your marriage. Letting your partner know your needs both emotionally and physically can help you avoid turning outside of your marriage to fill them. It’s also important to keep putting effort into your relationship and to show appreciation for your partner.

Stagnation

Another common trigger for divorce is simply stagnation. Couples begin to grow apart or realize that their values are changing. Sometimes, they find that their visions of the future no longer align. If you and your partner are experiencing this, it’s helpful to speak to a therapist and work together to figure out if you can find common ground.

Money Woes

Money struggles are another of the most common triggers for divorce. Finances are a stressful topic for everybody, and going through rough patches with money can really put a strain on your relationship. Being honest and open about finances can help you tackle money struggles together. Work with one another to set goals for your future and your savings, and then discuss ways to save money in your day-to-day life.

Lack of Intimacy

Finally, lack of intimacy is another common reason for couples to seek divorce. Sex is an integral part of your relationship, but intimacy can also just be about emotional connection. Consider being a little spontaneous if you feel like your spark is sizzling out. Plan an exciting date night, try a new activity together, or spend quality time without your phones or distractions. Again, communicating honestly about your feelings can help you reconnect with one another.

While people choose to end marriages for various reasons, these common triggers for divorce are some of the struggles that many couples reference when splitting up. Infidelity is a common reason for breakups, as is stagnation in the relationship. Money struggles and a lack of intimacy are also common stressors. The best way to navigate any of these common issues is to communicate with one another. A marriage counselor can give you the tools you need to learn better communication techniques. They can help you reconnect and strengthen your bond with one another. Remember, marriages require effort from both partners. You and your spouse must both decide to put your relationship first so that you can get over these struggles and come out stronger on the other side.

Navigating Parental Guilt during a Divorce

Parental guilt during divorce is a very common response for nearly all parents who go through a separation. However, it’s important to look at the bigger picture. Remind yourself that your children will be happier in the long run with parents who live separately and can co-parent peacefully than parents who stay in an unhappy marriage. And work on improving your relationship as co-parents so that you can all stay close as a family. Take steps to reduce your stress and prioritize your mental health. And most of all, be patient. These feelings will pass as you begin to see how quickly your children will adjust to their new normal. Hopefully, the transition period won’t take long and everybody will be happier in the long run.

Navigating Parental Guilt during a Divorce: Doing What’s Best

Look at the Big Picture

When navigating parental guilt during divorce, it’s helpful to remind yourself that you aren’t the only parent experiencing these feelings. It’s very common and perfectly normal. But it’s important to make decisions that work for your entire family, not just your children. If divorce is the best course of action for you and your ex, then your children will be better off in the long run.

Co-Parent Peacefully

To help ease parental guilt during divorce, it can help to establish a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex. The more the two of you can get along, the better off it will be for your kids. Especially if you can be at social events together without creating drama. That will allow you to be present at important events for your children throughout their lives.

De-Stress

It’s also helpful to concentrate on limiting stress when dealing with parental guilt during a divorce. You can try mindfulness exercises like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga. Journaling can also be very helpful. If you are struggling, speaking with a therapist can be very helpful. Additionally, exercise and spending time outside are also helpful in reducing anxiety.

Be Patient

Finally, be patient when navigating parental guilt during a divorce. During the beginning of the divorce process, emotions can run high for everybody. However, you all will begin easing into your new lifestyles quickly. Hopefully, your children will adjust easily to your custody situation and you can get them the age-appropriate resources and support they need to process their emotions.

It’s very normal to feel parental guilt during a divorce. However, you shouldn’t have to. Staying in an unhappy marriage won’t allow you or your ex to be the parents you can be. Sometimes, as painful as it is, divorce is the best option in the long run for everybody. If you are going through emotional ups and downs, try to be patient with yourself and remember that this too shall pass. Concentrate on becoming cordial with your ex so that you can co-parent peacefully. Use de-stressing techniques to ease anxiety, and speak to a professional if you are struggling. Hopefully, you will all adjust quickly to the changes in your lives and will realize that the stress of the divorce is well worth it for your overall happiness.

Remarrying After Divorce: Things to Consider

If you’re considering remarrying after divorce, there are some important things to keep in mind. You want to make sure that your second marriage goes the distance, so it can be helpful to take things slow before making such a big decision. Speak to an attorney to make sure you understand any legal implications of getting remarried. Give it some time after your divorce is final before jumping back into marriage to make sure that things are right and that you aren’t rushing the decision. Have the money talk up front this time, and consider a prenuptial agreement. And finally, don’t forget to consider your children’s feelings about the marriage before agreeing. Hopefully, you’ll be able to move forward with your new partner and have a lasting and happy second marriage. 

Remarrying After Divorce: Things to Consider Before Making the Decision

Speak to an Attorney

It’s important to speak to an attorney before remarrying after divorce. There aren’t often legal restrictions on remarrying, but it’s still a good idea to check. However, your alimony, support payments, and child support might be affected. It’s important to understand all of the legal implications of choosing to remarry.

Take Your Time

It’s also helpful to give yourself plenty of time before remarrying after divorce. Getting married right after your divorce is finalized can create a lot of mixed emotions for family and friends. Plus, it might mean that you are rushing into things before the time is right. Allow yourself plenty of time to heal from the emotional upheaval of the divorce process.

Have the Money Talk

Oftentimes, money is one of the contributing factors to divorce. If that was the case for your first marriage, it’s important to have the money talk before remarrying after divorce. You might even consider a prenuptial agreement this time to protect yourself financially. While you definitely won’t want to go through another divorce, it’s especially important to avoid the financial upheaval a second time. Get comfortable talking about money with your new partner so that finances aren’t a stressor in your new relationship.

Consider Your Children’s Feelings

Finally, before remarrying after divorce, it’s important to make sure that your children are on board with the idea. They might have a lot of emotions about your divorce and your new relationship. While you deserve to be happy with whomever you want, it’s also important to give your children plenty of time to acclimate to the idea of you marrying a new person. Consider family counseling if you and your children are struggling to get on the same page with your plans for the future.

Although many people going through a divorce say they’ll never walk down the aisle again, remarrying after a divorce is pretty common. If you’re considering walking down the aisle with a new partner, it’s important to consider all of the implications. An attorney can help you figure out if it will affect your support payments and if there are any concerns legally. Additionally, it’s important to take plenty of time to heal emotionally from your divorce. Spend the time making sure that you and your new partner are a great match in every way. For example, have the money talk upfront so that finances don’t become a source of anxiety in your marriage. And make sure that your children are on board with you remarrying. Hopefully, everybody will be happy and you can move forward with your new partner to a lasting and happy future together. 

How-to: Cope with Divorce Emotion & Gain Support

Divorce can being up all kinds of emotions and negative feelings. You may feel like your world is spiring out of control. Not only is a relationship ending, there are many other legal hoops to jump through. Between deciding where to live, who gets custody over the kids, and how to divide assets, there is a lot to work through. While it may seem overwhelming now, know there are ways to cope with divorce.

How-to Cope with Divorce: Steps to Take

Emotions

Divorce can bring up many painful emotions. For example, you may feel emotions such as grief, anger, depression, fear and frustration. The sadness and grief may set in at the realization of the loss or end of a relationship. The fear could be from the thought that you may be alone for a while. Anger could come from the hurt that you have experienced during the marriage and divorce process. Depression could come from the overwhelming fear that you will not be able to cope with all of these emotions.

In order to cope with divorce and these emotions, you must first let yourself go through this grief process. You will not be able to cure these feelings, but you can learn healthy ways to handle them. Once you have let yourself grieve, you will be able to start the process to move on with your new life.

Reach Out For Support

Do not be afraid to reach out to others for support. Many other people have been down the same road as you, and can be a good companion on this journey. Even if they have not experienced the same things that you have, friends and family who care about you will be there to support you too. If your circle got torn apart by the divorce, make an effort to meet new people. Join a club, start a new hobby, volunteer, or get involved in a place of worship or in the community.

If you need to talk to someone outside of your circle, reach out to a professional who can help. A councilor or support group can be a great place to open up without feeling judged by those you know. Talking through your feelings and emotions, and having someone there to listen is all a part of learning to cope with divorce.

Self-Care

Do not forget to take care of yourself through this process. Everything can feel so overwhelming that you forget to focus on yourself too. Make sure to exercise, which will help your physical and mental wellbeing. Pay attention to what your body is telling you it needs. That may be sleep, or that may be learning to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty about it.

Take time each day to nurture yourself. That may look different for each person, but could include doing yoga, going for a walk, reading a book, or spending time with friends. By making sure that you are mentally and physically rested and fit, you will be more able to take on having to cope with divorce.

How-to Navigate Religious Guilt During Divorce

Many religions do not condone divorce. They have built a negative stigma around it. This is actually a reason that some people stay in unhealthy marriages far longer than they should, or for their whole life. They may be worried about the stigma and associated shame and guilt that comes with divorce due to their religious beliefs. If you are in an unhealthy marriage that is beyond repair, do not let religious shaming keep you from getting a divorce. Learn more about how to navigate religious guilt during divorce.

How-to Navigate Religious Guilt During Divorce: Freeing Yourself From Shame

Stigma

Over the course of history, religious groups have looked down on divorce. There can be a lot of religious guilt during divorce, and a stigma that follows you after divorce. Some religious groups do not permit their members to get divorced, while others shun divorcees. Oftentimes, churches name divorce as a sin that should not be committed. ‘Marriage is a lifelong commitment’ is a common thing to hear. It is not uncommon to hear that God hates divorce. All of this leads to people staying in marriages that they should not stay in. It also makes people feel like they are a failure if they do get divorced. However, many times divorce can stem from circumstances that you are not in control of.

Forgive Yourself

If you are concerned about religious guilt during divorce, take time to work through forgiving yourself first. You can spend time praying and talk to God about your situation. Express your grief, sadness, and frustration. Religion always preaches forgiveness, so know that God will forgive you and that you should also forgive yourself. It may take you a while to get to the point where you can forgive yourself. In addition, you can talk to a councilor or someone objective to work through your struggles. Know that this one thing does not define who you are as a person. You are not a bad person for wanting a divorce.

Support Group

Divorce can be a difficult and emotional process to go through. It really helps to have people you can trust and lean on for support. If your church or religion will not stand behind you through your divorce, find a support group who will. There will always be people who can understand, relate and emphasize with your divorce. You will need people to lean on during the really emotional and challenging times. Also, just because your church frowns upon divorce, there are bound to be some people within the church that will be there to support you. They will be able to see your struggle from both sides, just as you do. Another option would be to look for another, more inclusive church. There are many churches that will accept you for you, and does not define you by your marital history.

How-to: Have a Healthy Divorce

Want to learn more about how to have a healthy divorce? Check out this video to learn more!

When people think of divorce, they mainly think of negative things. Yelling, fighting, and crying, are some emotions that may come to mind. But do all divorces have to end this way? The answer is ‘No’. Believe it or not, not all divorces have to be bitter messes. Learn more about how to have a healthy divorce.

How-to Have a Healthy Divorce: Changing Your Mindset

Remove the Negative Emotions

You meet someone, you fall in love, and then you live happily every after, right? Reality check. Relationships are not always like they are in the movies. You will have ups and downs, and sometimes they come to an end. Instead of choosing to be angry about that, do your best to look at the situation for what it is. Be glad you met that person and you were able to have a shot at doing life together. However, something happened, and you no longer feel that spark and love anymore. The first step in having a healthy divorce is to reframe your mindset. Recognize what has transpired and choose to be rational. Sure, going through a separation is an emotional roller coaster, but do your best to put the emotions aside. It may be a good idea to find a neutral party who can help you make sensible decisions.

Sometimes you may be getting a divorce because your spouse did something terrible like cheat on you. You can either be angry and bitter forever, or you can look at the situation from a fresh perspective. This person you loved is no longer a person who has done right by you. They have hurt and betrayed you. In reality, it may be a good thing that you are splitting up from them. While this person may have been good for you at one period, they may not be good for you anymore. Because of that, it may be a positive thing for you to move on.

Children and Assets

Of course, if you have children with your ex, this is not as simple. Unlike couples without kids, you can’t just split up your physical assets and then be done. You have to work through many things when you have children, like custody and visitation schedules. Children add another element to a divorce. However, do your best to keep any conflict away from the kids. In fact, ongoing parental conflict can increase a child’s risk of psychological and social problems. Oftentimes, it is helpful for divorced parents to come up with a plan and present it to their kids together. Working together to keep your kids calm and as happy as possible can help lead to a healthy divorce. Make sure to communicate honestly with your kids about the changes going on, as kids benefit from open communication.

Staying Neutral When Friends Divorce

Staying neutral when friends divorce can be tough, but if you’re friends with both husband and wife, it’s the only way to maintain your friendship with both. Try to set boundaries at the beginning about how involved you are comfortable being. Set expectations with them about wanting to stay neutral, and shut down trash-talking. Remember that you’re always getting one side of the story at a time, so take things with a grain of salt. And finally, remember to be a sounding board, but not a therapist. It’s not your job to fix their problems, but rather to be a support. Hopefully, they can have a reasonably amicable divorce and you’ll be able to maintain your friendship with both without having to pick sides.

Staying Neutral When Friends Divorce: Maintaining Friendships

Set Boundaries

When friends divorce, it can be helpful to set boundaries up front. Let them know that you want to be supportive, however, don’t let them take advantage of that. You cannot be fielding phone calls all day and night. It’s also important to remind them that you can’t be their mediator or go-between. That’s a job for a professional mediator or marriage counselor.

Set Expectations

It can be helpful to set expectations upfront when friends divorce. Let them know that you truly want to stay neutral and remain close to both of them. If that’s going to be a problem for either one, then you need to know at the start. Tell them you’re happy to be a sympathetic ear but that you don’t want to engage in trash-talking the ex.

A Grain of Salt

Try to remember to take everything with a grain of salt when friends divorce. While you might be hearing from both of them, you’re only ever getting one side at a time. Their version of the truth is always going to be different than their exes. Even if the facts are the same, each person might interpret things differently. So try to remember that no matter what you hear about either of your friends, it’s coming from a perspective that can’t be trusted.

Be A Sounding Board

Finally, when friends divorce, remember to be a sounding board and not a therapist. Let them tell you how they’re feeling, but try to avoid giving advice. You don’t want to look like you’re trying to affect how their divorce proceedings go. Instead, use neutral responses like ”I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Or ”that sounds like it would be really hard to deal with.” By staying neutral with your responses you can avoid seeming like you’re picking sides.

Staying neutral when friends divorce can often put you in a tricky position. But if you’re close with both parties, you’ll need to avoid giving advice or seeming like you’re picking sides. Set boundaries and expectations early on and let your friends know that it’s your goal to remain in both of their lives. Remember that you are a sounding board, and not a mediator or therapist. It’s not your job to try to fix their marital issues, and you’ll probably wind up regretting it if you try. Instead, try to keep your responses neutral and remember to take everything with a grain of salt. Hopefully, you can be a supportive friend without feeling the need to pick sides in their divorce.

Divorce Cybersecurity: Improve Yours

In this day and age, staying safe online while divorcing is very important. That’s why it’s key you improve your divorce cybersecurity. Taking a few steps can really help protect you and your info online…

Divorce Cybersecurity: Changes To Make

Watch for cyberbullying

 Cyberbullying is one of the biggest reasons as to why you’ll want to have good divorce cybersecurity. Most people hear about cyberbullying in relation to when students at a school do it to someone else. In reality, it’s something which can occur to anyone, including adults.

Usually, cyberbullying is seen through repeated harassment and treats online, generally on social media. This can make you feel very depressed and lower your self-esteem. It’s a good idea to keep any records of this harassment, especially if it’s from your spouse, and then to block them and the accounts so you don’t have to see it anymore.  

Change your logins

A lot of people tend to use weak passwords and usernames for all of their online logins. While this makes it easy to memorize, it’s also a massive divorce cybersecurity risk. Therefore, it’s important you update this info to something tougher and different.

Most couples will share their login info for sites with one another to make things easier. This might’ve been no problem before, but now your ex could potentially have access to a lot of your sensitive info. Take the time to go through your passwords, make updates as needed, and set up extra security measures like two-factor authentication.

Unplug for a bit

One of the simplest ways to boost your divorce cybersecurity is by just not using the internet! That way, you don’t have to worry about seeing any sort of nasty things your ex may be saying to you. Plus, it gives you an opportunity to step away and find some better, healthier outlets for your feelings.

Still, that can be a bit easier said than done. These days in particular, a lot of people need to keep connected online to do their jobs. If you’re in this sort of situation, try to limit your internet usage. Stick to the essentials for work, and stay away from things like social media.  

Celebrating Your Divorce: It’s Okay to Be Happy

While some might consider celebrating your divorce a bit taboo, there are plenty of reasons to be grateful it’s over. While the end of a marriage can be a sad time for some, others feel relieved. It’s perfectly fine to feel any emotion about the end of your divorce, but some situations might make you even more excited to be done. For example, some people simply aren’t right for each other, and marriage can create a lot of tension. In addition, many are excited about the prospect of focusing on themselves in a new chapter of their lives. You might also be celebrating if you were in an abusive relationship. Because hopefully now, you will be safe. And finally, even if you mourn the end of your marriage, it’s still okay to be excited that the divorce process is over. It’s perfectly fine to celebrate your divorce. And now that it’s over, you can focus on your priorities more.

Celebrating Your Divorce: It’s Okay to Be Happy It’s Over

Some Marriages Aren’t Right

Some marriages simply are not happy unions, so getting out of one might be a reason you’re celebrating your divorce. While it might feel like love early on, people change and so do circumstances. Many marriages fail because partners grow apart or begin resenting one another. If you are in an unhappy relationship, it’s perfectly fine to feel a sense of relief when it is over.

Time for a New You

Another reason you might be celebrating your divorce is that now is the time to start a new chapter in your life. So many people feel like they have to prioritize their partner’s needs ahead of their own or have spouses that are not supportive of their goals. If this is your situation, you might be excited about the prospect of finally getting to focus on your own needs for a change. You might also be excited about the idea of meeting somebody new who will be a better fit for you.

Getting Yourself to Safety

Unfortunately, sometimes relationships are not only rocky, but they’re also downright abusive. If you are getting out of a dangerous or abusive environment, you’re probably celebrating your divorce. Especially if you have children that you are also getting to safety. Abuse can take many forms, not just physical violence. Plenty of victims experience emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and financial abuse. Getting safely out of any sort of abusive relationship is a cause for celebration.

The Divorce Process is Stressful

Finally, the divorce process itself is incredibly stressful. It can feel overwhelming at times and drag on and on, bringing out the worst in everybody. Even if you are mourning the end of your marriage, you might still be celebrating your divorce. You’re finally done with the legal process and can move on to other priorities in your life.

The divorce process can bring out many different emotions. It’s perfectly fine to mourn the end of your marriage, feel confused about your future, or even be celebrating your divorce. Especially if you are getting out of a bad or dangerous marriage. Even if your marriage was healthy for a while, divorce can bring out the worst in everybody. You might be excited to be able to start a new chapter in your life, and maybe even meet somebody new. And if you were in an abusive relationship, finally being free of it can feel like a huge relief. Even if you are upset about the end of your marriage, the divorce process itself can be painful. It’s okay to be happy that it’s over. Now is the time to focus on yourself, find your new identity apart from your ex, and begin the next part of your life.