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Category: Divorce

Divorce Do’s and Don’ts

There is plenty of divorce do’s and don’ts to help make the process a little smoother for you. Divorce is one of the most stressful things that a person can go through in life. There are tons of things to watch out for, hidden landmines, and unexpected emotions. However, you can make it a little easier by sticking to these big do’s and don’ts. Do prepare early for your divorce and keep yourself organized. You should also make sure to hire an attorney early in the process who will represent your interests. Don’t trash talk your ex, especially on social media. And don’t forget self-care. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the stress, so make sure to set aside time to take care of yourself, too. Hopefully, your divorce will be a smooth transition and you and your ex can start the next chapter of your lives.

Divorce Do’s and Don’ts: How to Have a Healthy Breakup

Do: Prepare Early

One of the most important divorce do’s and don’ts is to make sure that you do prepare early. You want to get organized before you even begin the legal process. Gather financial documents and bank statements, and get together all the paperwork you might need to show your attorney. In addition, begin gathering a list of your personal property, your insurance policy information, and any legal wills or powers of attorney. The sooner you can gather all of these things the quicker the process will be.

Do: Get a Lawyer

Another of the divorce do’s and don’ts is to make sure that you do get an attorney. And get one early in the process. An attorney will represent your interests in your divorce case and will fight on your behalf to get the best settlement for you. They can instruct you on each step of the process and help you organize. When deciding which attorney to hire, find out if they have represented people in similar situations to yours. In addition, make sure that they have plenty of experience, proper credentials, and a professional manner. They aren’t there to be your friend or therapist: they’re there to fight hard for your interests.

Don’t: Trash Talk Your Ex

One of the most important divorce do’s and don’ts is don’t ever trash talk your ex. Especially on social media. You might have a lot of negative feelings towards your ex and you might want to let the world know. However, it can hurt your settlement if you are trashing them on social media or around town. In addition, if you are involved in a custody battle, trash-talking can not only hurt your kids but also your case. A judge is looking to see if you are willing to co-parent well, and trash-talking doesn’t show a commitment to a healthy co-parenting relationship.

Don’t: Forget Self-Care

Finally, one of the divorce do’s and don’ts that often get overlooked is don’t forget about self-care. Divorce is completely overwhelming. It’s easy to let stress and anxiety take over. In addition, you’re likely feeling hurt, guilt, excitement, nervousness, bitterness, confusion, and any other number of feelings. But don’t forget to take care of yourself. Take time each day to do something that makes you feel happy. This could be as simple as taking a moment to listen to a soothing song. Or a bubble bath, journaling for a few minutes, or a phone call with a friend. Just make sure that you prioritize your mental health. Speak with a therapist if you are feeling overwhelmed, as they can give you lots of advice on stress relief.

The divorce do’s and don’ts list could go on for pages and pages. However, these are big ones that can help make the process much smoother. Do make sure to organize early and hire an attorney as soon as you begin the process. They’ll be able to guide you every step of the way and get you the best settlement process. Don’t trash-talk your ex on social media as it can end up hurting your settlement or your custody battle. And don’t forget to take a little time for self-care. Divorce can easily feel overwhelming, so take a moment to check in with yourself periodically and take care of your mental health. Divorce can be stressful and sad, but hopefully, you can get the settlement you want. And hopefully, you can move on from this painful chapter of your life and begin the next one.

Letting People Know You are Getting a Divorce

Letting people know you are getting a divorce can be a stressor you weren’t even expecting. The divorce process is incredibly stressful. But telling people about it can also be a painful experience for many. Go about it in the best way possible to protect yourself and also make your divorce easier. When you first begin talking about divorce, you’ll likely need to talk things over with somebody. But keep it to just close friends and family. Let your boss know that you might be missing some work. After things are final, it’s okay to start letting everybody else know. However, when you go about this, make sure that you are keeping things friendly and civil. Being respectful to your ex will serve you better in the end and will likely help you have a less stressful experience.

Letting People Know You are Getting a Divorce: How to Even Start

Keep It to Close Friends or Family First

When you first begin letting people know you are getting a divorce, keep it close. Divorce should be a private matter until it is final and done. However, your close family deserves to know because your ex is a part of their family now too. Let your parents or siblings know about the divorce. If you need a confidant to talk to, choose a friend who will keep your private life private. You don’t want them spilling your beans to everybody you know!

Let Your Boss Know

When letting people know you are getting a divorce, it’s also a good idea to let your work know. There’s a good chance that you’ll need to miss some work for divorce proceedings. The court is only open during regular office hours, so if you go to court, you’ll likely miss some work. You might want to keep your HR representative informed as well.

After Things are Final

Letting people know you are getting a divorce starts when your divorce is final. That’s when it’s okay to start spreading the news. Some couples choose to announce on social media, while others just use word of mouth. You can also send out a mailing letting people know the news. Likely, once you begin telling people, the word will spread through your friends and family.

Keep Things Friendly

Finally, when letting people know you are getting a divorce, it’s important to go about it the best way possible. This means not trash-talking your ex. Sure, you might have a friend that you need to vent to now and then. But airing out your dirty laundry on social media or too many people is not a good idea. It makes you look petty and can make people very uncomfortable. In addition, if you are co-parenting with your ex it can be very damaging to your children. Keep the details to yourself, and keep things civil.

Letting people know you are getting a divorce is a whole part of the process that you might not have even realized can be stressful. However, it’s important to make sure you do it in a way that doesn’t hurt your divorce settlement or affect your future co-parenting relationship with your ex. When you begin the process, let only a few people know. Likely this will just be your close family and maybe a friend or two. Let your work know as well. Once your divorce is final, it’s okay to begin spreading the news at large. However, make sure that you keep things civil and avoid trash-talking your ex. The whole world doesn’t need to know your private life. Hopefully, you and your ex will be able to keep things somewhat friendly and keep the divorce process as stress-free as possible.

Dealing with Emotional Abuse

Dealing with emotional abuse in a relationship can be a difficult journey, however, you must get the help you need. If your partner is abusive physically or emotionally, you need to try to get help. Otherwise, you will stay unhappy forever. Find somebody you trust and ask for their help. Focus on yourself and find things that give you confidence. Avoid engaging with your abuser and set boundaries with them. And while doing all of this, try to work out an exit plan for leaving the relationship. Abusers rarely stop their abuse, and sometimes it can escalate into more dangerous situations. Get the help you need to get out of the relationship so that you can find somebody who will respect you more.

Dealing with Emotional Abuse: How to Feel Better

Get Support from Somebody You Trust

When dealing with emotional abuse, it’s helpful to find a support person that you trust. Go to a close friend or family member and tell them what has been going on. Hopefully, they can help you find a source of help. They might be able to help you work out a way of getting out of the relationship safely. You can also speak to a therapist if you are uncomfortable sharing with a friend.

Focus on Yourself

Another important thing to take time to do when dealing with emotional abuse is to focus on yourself. Emotional abusers generally like to make their victims feel shame and embarrassment. Find something that gives you confidence and makes you feel happy. Maybe there’s a new hobby that you’ve been wanting to try out or an old one that you’d like to pick back up.

Avoid Engaging

Avoid engaging with your abuser when dealing with emotional abuse. If they begin starting an argument, set clear boundaries. For example, you can tell them that if they begin insulting you that you are walking away. Then follow through after. If they start insulting, leave and walk away. Try not to engage with the abuse as much as possible.

Work Out an Exit Plan

Finally, one last thing to consider when dealing with emotional abuse is working out an exit plan. An abusive relationship is not a healthy relationship. You deserve to be with somebody who respects you and cherishes you. In addition, emotional abuse can sometimes escalate into physical abuse. Try to find a safe way to leave the relationship without getting yourself hurt. Enlist the help of a friend or the national abuse hotline for assistance.

When dealing with emotional abuse, it’s important to find a way to keep yourself happy and confident. Your abuser might try their hardest to bring you down, but it’s important to find things that give you happiness. Reach out to a friend, family member, or therapist to help you. Find a hobby or distraction to focus on that makes you feel confident. Avoid engaging with your abuser whenever possible. And finally, try to work out a safe way to exit the relationship. You deserve to be with somebody that respects you and that you can trust. Hopefully, you’ll be able to safely leave your abuser and move on to a much more healthy relationship in the future.

Building Your Credit After a Divorce

Building your credit after a divorce is extremely important. Your credit score affects what kind of apartment or home you can afford as well as what vehicle you can purchase and much more. If you have a low or no credit score, it will be difficult to even find a place to live after you are separated. So building up your credit during or right after your divorce is key. Open up your accounts and begin putting all of your sole money in there. Pay all of your bills on time every month, and pay off credit cards as well. Work with your ex if there is any joint debt. And finally, set a tight monthly budget and stick to it as closely as possible. Divorce can negatively impact your credit score, so it’s important to know how to build credit back afterward.

Building Your Credit After a Divorce: Recovering Financially

Open Your Own Accounts

Building your credit after divorce begins with you opening up your bank accounts in your name only. You likely already have some joint accounts with your ex, but now is the time to open some that are only in your name. You’ll want to open a savings and checking account. Move all of the money that is yours alone into these accounts. It’s also a good time to go ahead and close any joint accounts. You don’t want your ex running up large debts with your name still attached to the accounts.

Pay Bills on Time

It’s important to pay all of your bills on time when building your credit after a divorce. This also includes new payments like alimony and child support. If you are late on your bills each month, it can negatively impact your credit score. It’s also a good idea to pay off your credit cards in full each month.

Work With Your Ex

While building your credit after a divorce, you might have to deal with some joint debt with your ex. It may be the last thing you want to do to contact your ex, but if you can work together to pay off joint debt quickly, it will help your credit. There are many ways to work on paying off debt, for example, the debt snowball. This is where you pay off your smallest debts first, then use the money that you save from those debts to pay off larger ones. Eventually, you are debt-free.

Set a Monthly Budget

Finally, when building your credit after a divorce, it’s extremely important to set a monthly budget. It’s best to set a very tight budget and live as modestly as possible for a little while. This will ensure that you have plenty of money to pay off any debts and pay off credit card bills every month. If you have plenty of money in savings, an unexpected expense isn’t the emergency it might be if you weren’t budgeting well.

Building your credit after a divorce can take a while, so it’s important to start as soon as possible. Some people think it’s wise to go ahead and open up a credit card or bank account before they even begin the divorce process so that they can start establishing credit on their own. Always pay your bills on time each month, including any new payments like alimony or child support. Work with your ex to try and pay off joint debts as quickly as possible to help both of your credit scores. And finally, budget budget budget. Living frugally will allow you to put away some savings so that unexpected expenses don’t end up hurting your credit score by going to collections. Helpfully, you’ll be able to bounce back financially from divorce and build up your credit quickly.

Different Types of Separation Options

If you have been thinking about splitting with your spouse, you might be confused about the various types of separation options. There are trial separations, permanent, legal separations, and divorce. Each of them is slightly different though. Trial separations are intended to be short term while permanent separations are exactly what they sound like, permanent. Legal separation means that you permanently split up but cannot remarry. You also retain the right of marriage. And a full legal divorce means that your marriage is officially ended. Each state has different laws about types of separation. Therefore, it’s best to hire a knowledgeable attorney to help you through any type of separation.

Different types of Separation Options: Trial, Permanent, Legal, and Divorce

Trial Separation

One of the types of separation that a couple typically tries first is a trial separation. This is often done when a couple feels that they need a break from one another. In the period when you are living apart, you should think about whether or not you want to stay together or move towards a more long-term split. Before you start a trial separation, you and your spouse need to talk about how to handle childcare and money. You’ll also need to decide where you each will be living.

Permanent Separation

Permanent separation is another of the types of separation available. This means that a couple is living apart and never intend to get back together. However, you would still have all the rights of marriage and stay legally married. If you end up getting a divorce later, the date of your permanent separation can become an important factor. So make a note of when you and your spouse decide to separate permanently. Sometimes this affects your assets and joint property.

Legal Separation

Of the different types of separation, it’s hard to know the difference between a legal separation and a divorce. However, a legal separation is not an option in all states. But where it is, it means that you are legally separating but still keeping your marriage rights. Couples might choose to do this if they have religious issues with divorce. In addition, if a spouse wants to stay on another’s insurance, they may opt for a legal separation. And some choose this for the sake of their children. Legal separation usually has the same court process of splitting assets and child support as a divorce would. If you have a legal separation you cannot remarry.

Divorce

A full legal divorce is the most final of the different types of separation. It means that your marriage is permanently ending. This means that you will split assets and property. If you have children, you’ll need to agree on custody. You’ll also have to decide on child support. A divorce is a long a drawn-out process, however after your divorce ends, you are free to remarry.

The different types of separation can be confusing as they are all similar. A trial separation is short-term and couples can use it to decide if they want to break up or stay together. A permanent separation means that they have decided to live apart but will stay legally married. A legal separation is less common but means that a couple will divide up assets but still stay married. And finally, a divorce means that your marriage has officially ended. You and your partner will have to decide which type of separation makes the most sense for you. Whichever you choose, you’ll want a great attorney by your side to represent you.

Divorce Timeline: What to Expect

Having a general overview of the divorce timeline can help you get an idea of what to expect from the divorce process. It can be overwhelming when you first begin looking at all of the steps that you’ll need to take. However, having an experienced attorney by your side can help you through the process. Deciding to get a divorce is the first step you’ll take. After that, you and your spouse will each prepare for the divorce separately. Then you’ll move to the negotiations stage of the process. This is where things can get quite complicated and can take much longer or shorter than you expect. And finally, you’ll settle your divorce and everything will be finalized. Hopefully, the process will be as stress-free and easy as possible with the help of your attorney.

Divorce Timeline: What to Expect When You Are Going Through the Divorce Process

Deciding to Divorce

The first step in the divorce timeline is you and your spouse deciding that you want a divorce. You might come to this conclusion together or one partner might surprise the other with a divorce. However you come to the decision, you’ll both want to go ahead and hire legal representation. Your attorney will fight for your interests in court and will provide you with all of their legal expertise to make sure that you are content with your settlement. One of you will need to file a legal divorce petition, serve it to the other, and file it with the courthouse.

Preparing for Divorce

The next step in the divorce timeline is for each of you to prepare for the divorce proceedings. You’ll each have to gather paperwork about your financial situation, your assets, debts, and many other documents. You can also request documents from your spouse as well. In most states, you’ll attempt to go to mediation before going to a full trial.

Negotiations

Negotiations are probably the most stressful part of the divorce timeline. You and your partner will discuss how to split up your assets and make many other decisions. If you can come to agreements in mediation, you’ll come up with a divorce settlement and file it with the courthouse. If you are not able to agree, your case will go to trial.

Settlement

The final step in the divorce timeline is a settlement. If you and your partner end up having to go to trial, then the court will decide how your case will be settled. They will issue a legal divorce decree that outlines each of your duties and the terms of the divorce. If either party is still in disagreement, they can appeal some of the judgment. If both parties agree to this then your divorce is final and you can begin moving on. It’s time to legally change your name and begin the process of healing.

The divorce timeline can seem a little overwhelming when you first begin looking into it. However, an experienced attorney can make the process seem much more manageable. They will walk you through each step so that you are getting the best settlement possible. You’ll begin the process when you decide officially that you’d like to file for divorce. After this, you and your spouse will prepare documents and then move towards mediation. Hopefully, you can settle here, but if not you’ll continue negotiations at trial. And finally, the court will settle your divorce and issue a decree that spells out the terms of your divorce. After this, you can begin to move on and heal from the process. Hopefully, you and your attorney will be able to negotiate a settlement that you and your spouse are both happy with.

The Emotions of Divorce: The Ups and Downs

There are so many emotions of divorce that you might be feeling. Divorce has been compared to the death of a loved one. And just like with grief, you’re likely to experience an entire range of emotions. You might feel relief, anger, hurt, guilt, resentment, happiness, and anything in between. One of the ways to cope that can be very helpful is to seek out a therapist. You might also try journaling to organize your thoughts. And many find it helpful to make time for their social life again and re-connect with friends or re-focus on other relationships. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the emotions surrounding your divorce, know that you are not alone and that there is help out there.

The Emotions of Divorce: The Ups and Downs and How to Cope with Them

What’s “Normal?”

First of all, there is no “normal” when it comes to the emotions of divorce. Some people are relieved at the end of their marriage, while others grieve. And some don’t even know how they’re feeling, or change from moment to moment. It’s perfectly normal for you to cycle through emotions constantly after a divorce. For example, one minute you might feel excited about the opportunities ahead of you, and the next you are crying because you miss your ex. All of these emotions are normal and valid.

Coping Through Therapy

One way to cope with the emotions of divorce is to try going to therapy. Many find that a therapist can help them see a different perspective on their divorce. They will likely give you some coping mechanisms to try. In addition, they are often a source of advice when it comes to interacting with your ex in the future. They can help you learn to better communicate with them to make a co-parenting relationship more successful.

Coping Through Journaling

Many find that journaling is very helpful with dealing with the emotions of divorce. Journaling is easy to do and doesn’t need to take much time. If you get into the habit of daily journaling, you can keep your entries as short or long as you like. Some people also find it helpful to write inspirational things or affirmations in their journals as a daily reminder. Journaling can help you organize your thoughts and help you see the bigger picture on some things.

Coping Through Social Interaction

Finally, one last coping mechanism for the emotions of divorce is to focus on other relationships. It’s likely that during the stress of divorce you might not have had as much time for other people as usual. Maybe friends have fallen by the wayside or you’ve even been too busy to give your kids all the attention you’d like. Take time now that the divorce is final to focus on these relationships. It will give you a sense of purpose and also be a distraction.

The emotions of divorce can feel overwhelming at times, and that’s normal. You might cycle between all the stages of grief several times in a day. There are many coping mechanisms to help you handle the stress, but you need to figure out what works best for your personality. For example, maybe seeing a therapist would be particularly helpful for you. Or maybe you need to organize your thoughts by putting pen to paper. And yet others might feel restored after a long lunch with friends. However, you choose to cope with your emotions, know that you are not alone in feeling emotional after a divorce. Hopefully, in time, you’ll start to feel less overwhelmed and will be able to look at the positive side of things and view your divorce as a new beginning.

The Dangers of Trash-Talking After Divorce

Trash-talking after divorce is never a good idea, no matter how contentious your break-up is. Although it can feel like a good release of pent-up emotions in the short term, it can harm your divorce settlement. Your friends and family might be the best options to vent to, but your emotions can fluctuate a lot. And they often don’t forget the things you’ve said. It can also hurt your divorce settlement if your ex finds out about the trash-talking. It’s very painful for children to hear one parent bashing another. And it can affect your custody arrangement as well. All in all, there is no benefit to trash-talking your ex. You might have hurt feelings or anger towards them, but it’s best to confront these emotions with a therapist or close friend, not the world-at-large.

The Dangers of Trash-Talking After Divorce: It’s Never a Good Idea

Your Friends Won’t Forget

One reason why trash-talking after divorce is dangerous is that your emotions can fluctuate a lot. Divorce is incredibly stressful. There might be times when you’re feeling very angry at your ex. And others when you’re missing the good times. If you constantly trash-talk your ex with your friends and family, they’re unlikely to be sympathetic when you’re feeling nostalgic about your relationship. They’ll only remember the negative things you’ve said in the past.

It Can Hurt Your Settlement

Another reason why trash-talking after divorce is not a good idea is that it can harm your settlement. If your ex finds out that you are bad-mouthing them, it can make the divorce even more contentious. They might get even more aggressive, and you’ll end up in a worse situation with your settlement. The more you can both get along, the better. Be especially careful about posts on social media, as those are easy to track down and you never know who might see them and send them to your ex.

It’s Painful for Children

Another negative effect of trash-talking after divorce is that it can be very painful for your children. They don’t need to hear all the details of your breakup. Your ex might not be the best partner in a marriage, but it doesn’t mean that they aren’t a loving parent. Speaking ill about the in front of children makes kids feel ashamed and guilty for loving their parent. It can hurt their self-esteem and cause resentment later. It’s best to keep things as civil as possible with your ex for the sake of your children.

It Can Affect Custody

One thing that people often don’t realize is a negative effect of trash-talking after divorce is a possible impact on your custody arrangement. Part of what a judge looks at when determining custody is seeing if you and your partner can be successful co-parents. If you are trash-talking your ex, it doesn’t show the judge that you are interested in keeping a civil relationship. A judge needs to know that you and your ex can put your differences aside to parent your children as well as possible.

Trash-talking after divorce can lead to a lot of serious consequences. Not to mention a lot of hurt feelings. While it might feel good to let off steam, if you blast your ex to your entire family or social media, it can come back to haunt you. Your friends and family are less likely to feel sympathetic when you need some support when you miss your ex. You also might antagonize your ex and make your settlement even more contentious. Your children can end up very hurt as well if you are trash-talking their other parent. And it can prove to a judge that you aren’t a good candidate for co-parenting as well. All in all, trash-talking is just never a good idea. If you feel like you need to speak to somebody about your divorce and your feelings, find a qualified divorce therapist.

How to Admit to Cheating on Your Spouse

Admitting to cheating on your spouse is one of the most difficult conversations you might ever have with your partner. It’s important to set the right tone for the discussion. Make sure that you reveal the entire truth, not just a partial truth. Give your partner plenty of space to react. Answer their questions if they want to know more information. And finally, try to think of things ahead of time that can help you both move on. But remember that some partners will not even want to try to continue with the marriage. Hopefully, you and your spouse will be able to work things out and move forward with your relationship.

How to Admit to Cheating on Your Spouse: Moving Forward

Set the Right Tone

If you’ve decided to come clean about cheating on your spouse, it’s important to set the right tone. It’s best to make sure that you and your spouse have plenty of time and privacy. This is not the type of conversation you would want to be overheard. It’s really a good idea to talk while you’re at your home, instead of in public. Make sure that you choose a time that works with your spouse’s schedule so that you aren’t rushed. And also make sure that you are distraction-free and won’t be interrupted.

Reveal the Whole Truth

When coming clean about cheating on your spouse, reveal the entire truth. Telling a partial truth can leave you feeling even guiltier. It can also mean that you have to have another conversation further down the road. It can end up hurting your spouse even more. For example, if you cheated more than once, reveal the whole truth. Otherwise, you’ll have to come clean all over again.

Give Your Partner Space

When admitting to cheating on your spouse, give your partner plenty of time and space to react. They may have a lot of questions, or they may not want to hear any details at all. They might react very angrily or emotionally. Be prepared for tears, shouting, and anything in between. Try not to get defensive, after all, it was you who made a mistake. Remain calm if at all possible. Give them plenty of time to process their feelings, and don’t pressure them for any kind of response. They may take a few days or even weeks to really accept what you’ve told them.

Moving On

If you are wanting to move forward after cheating on your spouse, have a plan. Maybe suggest some couples therapy or counseling. Apologize and take responsibility for your mistake. When apologizing, really consider how your spouse is feeling and how you’ve hurt them. Include details on exactly why you’re sorry and how much you want to move forward. Commit to always telling the truth. And finally, accept that they may not want to move on. Some couples can move forward, but others will not. Try to be respectful of their decision.

Admitting to cheating on your spouse might be one of the toughest conversations you can have. Try to set the right tone before you even start by picking a time and place with privacy. Reveal the entire truth. It’s best to just rip the whole band-aid off at once. Otherwise, you’ll have to have a follow-up conversation all over again later. Give your partner plenty of time and space to react. And finally, figure out a way to move forward if that’s what you want. However, acknowledge that your spouse might not accept what you’ve done. Hopefully, though, you’ll both be able to work through things and continue with a stronger relationship than before.

How to Confront Your Partner About Cheating

If you want to confront your partner about cheating, it’s best to wait until you have proof. If you confront them with just a vague idea that they’re cheating, they may not be inclined to tell you the honest truth. Remember that if they’re cheating in the first place, then honesty is not their priority. But if you know for sure that they are being unfaithful, pick the best time and place to have a conversation. Figure out what you want to get out of the conversation before it even starts. Listen to what they have to say and actually take in what they’re telling you. And finally, schedule a time for a follow-up discussion after you’ve had some time to process. Infidelity in a relationship can be very painful, but sometimes there is a way to salvage the relationship.

How to Confront Your Partner About Cheating: The Tough Conversation

Pick the Right Time and Place

If you plan to confront your partner about cheating, pick the right time and place. This means choosing a time where you won’t be interrupted. In addition, make sure that you’re somewhere private. Don’t try to spring this type of conversation on them while they’re rushing out the door to work. Or in a crowded restaurant where you might be overheard. Find a time and place where you feel calm and rational and open to actually hearing them out.

Figure Out What You Want to Get Out of the Conversation

Next, if you plan to confront your partner about cheating, decide what you want the outcome to be. Are you wanting to figure out a way to work things out? Or do you plan to end the relationship if they confirm the cheating? If you are wanting to work things out, approach the conversation with an open mind. Figure out what steps you need to take to make a relationship work after this. If you plan to break up, will they move out? When? Also, decide upfront whether you want to hear details about the cheating or just keep things vague.

Listen to What They Have to Say

If you plan to confront your partner about cheating, try to actually listen to what they have to say. They may have reasons for cheating that you hadn’t considered. Maybe there are things in your relationship that can be improved. If this is the case, perhaps there’s a chance to work on it and move on. Don’t let them try to convince you that their cheating was your fault though. Cheating is a choice that they made, not a mistake that happened to them. But it might make you feel better to know the actual reasons if there are any.

Plan a Follow-Up

If you plan to confront your partner about cheating but want to work things out, plan a follow-up. Don’t try to take in everything on the day they tell you about it. Give yourself plenty of time to think over everything they’ve said. Figure out how you feel about everything. You’ll need time to process the feelings of grief, embarrassment, betrayal, hurt, and anger. Figure out what you want your relationship to look like moving forward, and then have another conversation with them to see if they’re on board. You’ll also need to decide whether you’ll be able to trust them again.

Cheating can be incredibly painful and difficult to process. But sometimes, couples are able to move forward afterward and continue their relationship. If you plan to confront your partner about cheating, it’s best to wait until you have proof. Otherwise, they may just deny it and you won’t get very far. Plan to have the conversation when you have plenty of time and are someplace private. Figure out what you want to get out of the conversation beforehand, and decide what level of detail you even want to know. Try to really listen to what they have to say. And finally, give yourself some time to process everything and then plan a follow-up conversation. It’s possible to move on and have a healthy relationship after cheating. However, it has to be something that you both want and are willing to work towards together.