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Category: marriage

Divorcing Young: Why It Happens

These days, there’s less younger couples marrying than in the past. For those that do, many of them end up divorcing young as well. Much like with older couples, there’s a few reasons in particular why they tend to split up…

Divorcing Young: Why It Happens

Realizing they rushed

One common reason for divorcing young is that these couples realize they’ve rushed things. Relationships go in stages, and the “honeymoon” stage in particular can be misleading. During this stage, everything between you and your partner seems perfect. In fact, you might think you have no problems, because in your eyes, your partner can do no wrong.

It’s this mindset which causes many young couples to rush into marriage. However, much like an actual honeymoon, that phase doesn’t last forever. Eventually, reality will start to set in, and they’ll realize they’re not ready to be married just yet. As a result, they’ll end up divorcing.

You don’t know each other

This reason for divorcing young is somewhat related to rushing. When couples are in those early stages of dating, they don’t really know each other all too well. They might know some surface-level things, but they aren’t aware of say how living together might go.

Being in that mindset where you “think” you know them can lead you to tying the know. But, as you begin to spend more time with each other, you might realize you don’t get along like you thought. This can make you see that you’ve basically married someone who is still a stranger to you.

Different Future Goals

Divorcing young can also be due to both partners having different goals in mind for the future. For example, one partner might want to try and finish up school or find a good job before having kids. Meanwhile, the other one wants to have kids now and not wait.

Disagreements like this can paint a bigger picture. Eventually, both partners may realize that they want completely different things in the future. This can place them at odds with one another. Unfortunately, this usually means that they’ll have to split in order to achieve those goals.

Having a Baby to Save Your Marriage?

Having a baby to save your marriage is not a good idea. While movies can sometimes make us think that having a child will magically repair a broken relationship, the truth is that children just add stress. Adding a child into the mix isn’t going to help things if you and your partner are already on shaky ground. Instead, it will create way more pressure and anxiety in your lives. Plus, it isn’t fair to the baby that’s being used as a game piece or Hail Mary. Finally, both you and your partner will be limiting yourselves and the amount of happiness that you can experience. If your marriage is feeling shaky, the best thing to do is pause and work on things before ramping up the pressure with a child.

Having a Baby to Save Your Marriage: Is It Ever a Good Idea?

It Won’t Fix the Underlying Issues

The main reason why having a baby to save your marriage is dicey is that it doesn’t fix anything. If you and your partner have issues, creating a new life doesn’t address them in any way. Sure, it can kick the can down the road for a few years, but your problems will come back. You and your partner need to address your concerns head-on through open communication and counseling.

It’s a Pressure Cooker

Another reason why having a baby to save your marriage is a dangerous game is that it just adds stress to your life. Babies need constant care, and children need your full attention. Even if you have a healthy, easy baby, the parenting process is overwhelming. You and your spouse will get very little sleep, and tempers will run short. Not a good recipe for fixing marital issues.

It Isn’t Fair to the Baby

It also isn’t fair to the child if you’re planning on having a baby to save your marriage. You should bring a child into the world because you want to raise it together and give it all of your love. Not to use it as a crutch for your relationship, or a bandage. If you are already having issues, a baby is only likely to exacerbate things. This means that you’ll be bringing a child into a relationship with arguments, where neither partner is really happy.

Limiting Your Happiness

Finally, having a baby to save your marriage just means that you’re limiting your potential for happiness. You deserve to be with somebody that makes you happy. And in a marriage that fulfills you with a partner that is willing to give equal effort. If you have a baby with your spouse and then you decide it’s best to go your separate ways, you’ll be tied together for life. It’s much better to figure out what you both want out of the future now.

Having a baby to save your marriage isn’t the answer to your marital problems. Parenting is hard work, and you deserve a teammate you can count on. If you and your partner are already having issues without the added stress of a child, creating a baby isn’t going to lessen your problems. Instead, it’s likely to put much more pressure and stress on your marriage. Not to mention that it isn’t fair to the baby. And if you and your spouse are better off as exes, it’s best to find that out before you’re tied together as co-parents for the rest of your lives. All in all, the answer to marriage struggles is not a child. Instead, take a pause, do the work, and decide whether or not this is a marriage that can last.

Putting Effort Into Your Marriage

Putting effort into your marriage is important for the longevity of your relationship. You and your partner should both contribute equally to the marriage and make a point to continue showing up for each other throughout the years. One of the best ways to show your partner how much you care is by spending quality time together. Another way is to improve your listening skills, which counseling can be helpful with. Every marriage gets into ruts periodically or has times when your focus will be pulled towards other things. And while you’ll experience some ups and downs, your relationship will be much stronger if you both decide up front to put in the effort to make it last a lifetime.

Putting Effort Into Your Marriage: You Get Out What You Put In

Why It Matters

Putting effort into your marriage is important because it’s a way of showing your partner how much they mean to you. It’s easy to get lost in the monotony of everyday life. Especially with stresses from childcare or work. During these times, it can be easy to forget just how special your partner is and stop noticing the amazing qualities that drew you to them in the first place. Putting in the effort will remind your spouse of how much you care about your marriage.

Importance of Equality

Another important thing to note about putting effort into your marriage is that it needs to be an equal contribution. If one partner is always the one making time for the marriage but doesn’t feel that their effort is reciprocated, they might begin to wonder if the relationship is healthy. It’s normal to have certain times when one of you has a lot of stressors and isn’t able to focus as much on the marriage. However, overall, your partnership should be an equal one.

Quality Time

One way to show that you’re putting effort into your marriage is to focus on quality time. It’s easy to get bogged down with our busy work schedules. However, making time for a date night, a walk together, or just a few minutes to sit with one another is important. Put it on your calendar if you need to. Just make sure that your time is distraction-free. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and spend some time reconnecting.

Be a Good Listener

Another great way of putting effort into your marriage is to improve your listening skills. Becoming a great listener will show your partner that you care about their interests. So make eye contact when they speak, ask insightful questions, and show an interest in what they’re saying. Another great way to improve communication skills is to speak with a marriage counselor. Even if things are going smoothly in your relationship, therapy can be hugely helpful in improving your conflict resolution and communication skills.

Putting effort into your marriage is the best way to show up for your partner and show them how much they mean to you. Every marriage has times when things are great, and times when things are stressful. The important thing is that through it all, you keep putting in effort to strengthen your bond. That will give you the tools you need to get through the more stressful times. Make sure that both partners are committed to the marriage, and that things aren’t one-sided. Consider spending more quality time together distraction-free. Or work on improving communication skills through counseling. By putting

All About Common Law Marriage

Common law marriage is something that gets referenced frequently but is not recognized in many states. This type of union happens when two people live together and claim for the world to be married, but never go through a formal ceremony. There are certain requirements that they have to fulfill, and the rules vary from state to state. People in this type of marriage still retain all of the rights of a married couple and have to file for divorce if they decide to end their relationship. If you are interested in marrying in common law, speak to an experienced family attorney in your state to determine if it’s a possibility.

All About Common Law Marriage: Is It Legal Everywhere?

What Is It?

Common law marriage is a union between two people who are living together and representing themselves as husband and wife without going through a formal marriage ceremony. These unions were popular long ago when rural areas didn’t have as many churches or government buildings. Especially in states where the population was low. However, now that most people have easy access to government offices, most states do not recognize them.

Where Is It Legal?

Most states do not legally recognize couples who are married in common law. Only ten states, plus D.C. allow them. These are Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, and Utah. However, some states, like South Carolina no longer allow these marriages to form. They will recognize an already established common-law marriage, but this is not an option available to couples moving forward.

Requirements

You can’t accidentally marry somebody in common law just because you live with them. There are several requirements for a common-law marriage, that vary from state to state. A couple must be living together, although the length of time varies. Additionally, they must both be of sound mind and legally able to get married. Finally, you must hold yourselves out to others as a married couple, and represent as spouses in public.

Divorce

A common-law marriage is just as legally binding as a typical marriage. It comes with the same rights and privileges for spouses. And just like an official marriage, the only way to end one is through divorce. The divorce process is similar to a typical divorce; spouses must split up assets and deal with issues like custody and spousal support payments.

Common law marriage was very popular at one time but is slowly fading out of existence in our country. Now that most people have access to government offices where they can legally obtain marriage licenses, many states no longer recognize non-official marriages. However, there are still a few loopholes in states where you can marry your partner in common law. The requirements vary from place to place, especially with the amount of time you must live together. But typically, this type of marriage requires that you cohabitate, that you’re legally able to marry, and that you present to the world as a married couple. Similarly to an official marriage, you must go through the divorce process to end a common law relationship. If you have questions about common-law marriage in your state, seek the advice of an experienced attorney.

How to Spot a One-Sided Marriage

If you are in a one-sided marriage or relationship of any kind, it can quickly become exhausting. In any relationship, both partners should be giving equal amounts of effort throughout their time together. Naturally, there will be times when outside distractions make it difficult to focus on your marriage. However, over time, you should both be contributing equally. If you don’t feel like this is the case, it can be a symptom of a deeper problem. It can happen gradually over time, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you are doomed as a couple. Through counseling and communication, you can rebuild your relationship and begin contributing equally again.

How to Spot a One-Sided Marriage and What to Do About It

How Does It Happen

A one-sided marriage simply means that one partner is putting in more effort than the other one. At the start of a relationship, both parties are often equally committed and interested in putting in the effort. However, over time, there can be a disconnect. It might feel like one person in the marriage is always the one planning dates, initiating intimacy, and working on improving the relationship.

Why It’s a Problem

Sometimes a one-sided marriage happens because of outside stressors taking the focus of one spouse away from their partner. Or because one person has never had a healthy example of marriage to model. But sometimes it happens because one spouse realizes that they have outgrown the marriage. Maintaining a one-sided relationship can be exhausting for the person who feels they are giving more effort. It can quickly build resentment.

Signs

The main sign of a one-sided marriage is if one partner feels they are always the one trying to work on the relationship or improve things. Another sign is if you begin to feel like an obligation, rather, a priority. Intimacy might fade away, or one partner might always have to be the one to initiate it. Finally, you might begin to feel like they don’t have any interest in your relationship issues, or refuse to acknowledge them at all.

What To Do

If you find yourself in a one-sided marriage, try to figure out exactly how you want to move forward. Speak to your spouse and see if they are willing to try marriage counseling or other techniques to improve your connection. Work on building up your communication with one another. If they don’t seem interested in putting in the work, then it might be time to explore other options. It’s not fair to stay in a marriage with somebody that doesn’t love you back.

Being in a one-sided marriage can be exhausting and can build a lot of resentment and self-doubt. If you feel like you are the only person making any effort in your relationship, it’s important to get to the bottom of exactly what’s going on. Try to figure out if this is a temporary phase of your marriage because your partner is dealing with stress or other issues. Or if it’s a long-term issue that you’ve been dealing with for years. You might feel like your spouse doesn’t care about your happiness, or doesn’t want to talk about your relationship at all. If this is the case, think deeply about how you want to proceed. Marriage counseling can be beneficial, but it still requires both you and your spouse to put in mental work. You deserve to be in a marriage with a partner that respects you and loves you enough to put in the effort.

Deciding On a Legal Guardian

If you have young children, deciding on a legal guardian should be an integral part of your estate-planning process. If either you or their other parent passes away, the other parent would still raise your kids. But what happens if both parents are in an accident? While nobody likes to think about the possibility, it is important to assign a legal guardian to your will. This is the person you task with raising your children if you and your spouse die unexpectedly or are otherwise incapacitated. It’s a big decision and one that you need to carefully consider. You might debate between your parents, your siblings, or even friends. However, there are important factors to think about no matter who you pick. While it’s unpleasant to think about, knowing that you have a legal guardian appointed in your will might give you peace of mind.

Deciding On a Legal Guardian: Different Options

Grandparents

When deciding on a legal guardian, many people go straight to their parents as a choice. However, there are some things to consider. For example, they’ll need to be physically fit and healthy enough to handle young children. Think about them. age and whether or not you feel confident that they will remain in good health while raising their grandchildren.

Aunts and Uncles

Another popular option when deciding on a legal guardian is your siblings. One positive of this is that your children will still be able to maintain close relationships with their families. For example, grandparents and extended family. Additionally, your siblings might have similar core values to you and your spouse. Hopefully, this means that they’ll respect your wishes for how you’d like your children brought up.

Friends

If you don’t have siblings or don’t have siblings that you feel would be a good fit, you can assign friends as legal guardians of your children. Like siblings, it’s important to take into account their values and whether or not they’ll raise your children in a way that you approve of. Additionally, raising kids is expensive, so you’ll want to make sure that it is financially feasible to ask them to take on this responsibility.

Things to Keep in Mind

When deciding on a legal guardian for your kids, there are many things to consider. You’ll want to make sure that whomever you pick has the emotional and financial capacity to take this on. You might also want to consider their support system. They’ll need all the help they can get adjusting to life as new parents while dealing with the grief of losing you. This decision is yours alone, so don’t let others pressure you. The decision has to be right for you and your spouse.

Deciding on a legal guardian for your kids can be a difficult task. There are a lot of things to think about when making such a huge decision. You’ll want to choose somebody that you feel comfortable with, and somebody you trust to raise your kids. But they also must have the financial means and emotional capacity to take this on. When thinking about who to pick, you might consider your parents, your siblings, or friends. The fit has to feel right for you and your spouse. Additionally, it’s a good idea to speak with whoever you choose and make sure that they are comfortable having this potential responsibility. While you hope that you never actually have to give another person the task of raising your children, it can give you peace of mind knowing they’ll be in good hands if the unexpected should happen.

How-to Remove Social Media From Your Marriage

Social media can ruin a perfectly good relationship. It can make people grow distant, change people’s attitudes and even open up the possibility for cheating. In order to keep yourself from getting into an unhappy marriage, you may need to remove social media from your marriage.

How-to Remove Social Media From Your Marriage: Relationship Building

Distraction

It is not a secret that social media can be a major distraction. Many people get buried in their phones and ignore everything else going on around them. If you start tuning out our spouse or even your children, you could be damaging those relationships. Make an effort to be present and stop paying so much attention to your phone. Stop scrolling and start participating in the lives of those around you.

There are different apps that will help limit or cut off your screen time. For example, Apple has a screen time feature that will allow you to set limits and remind you when you are over your limits. Other programs may block you off of the app all together for that period of time. Also, find someone to hold you accountable and do not get upset when they call you out on your screen time usage.

Compare Lives

Social media can make you feel miserable. When you are only spending time viewing everyone else’s highlight reels, you may start to think that your own life is not interesting or good enough. Studies have found a link between social media and depression. Eventually, this could affect your marriage. Additionally, if you are always comparing your life with others, this will take a toll on your own marriage too.

If this sounds like the path you are on, you may need to take a break from social media all together. For instance, delete the apps, or change your password to something difficult and hide the key. A social media detox can help you get back focusing on your own life.

Other Relationships

If you are always looking at other people’s highlight reals and curated, filtered pictures, you could end up becoming interested in someone else. However, depending on how far you let this go, you could jeopardize your marriage. Remember that in real life, people do not walk around with photoshopping and filters on them. Your spouse is a real person, and you cannot compare them to the picture perfect facades people post on social media. Put away your phone, and spend some quality time with the person you fell in love with in real life.

Getting Past the Seven-Year Itch

The “Seven Year Itch” is the idea that couples who are together for a long time eventually reach a rut in their marriage; typically around the seven-year mark. Psychologists debate over whether or not the phenomenon is real, but it is very common for couples to divorce around the seven-to-eight-year mark. If you’re feeling a little stagnant in your relationship, it might be time for a reality check. Remember that everybody goes through ups and downs. Try to carve out some quality time together to get to the bottom of your feelings. Be spontaneous and try something new with your spouse to liven things up. And finally, work on improving your communication by being a good listener and perhaps giving marriage counseling a try. Hopefully, you and your spouse can make it through the seven-year slump and continue with a strong marriage.

Getting Past the Seven-Year Itch: Strengthening Your Marriage

Reality Check

The seven-year itch may or may not be real, but the fact of the matter is that all relationships have their ups and downs. It’s perfectly normal to have times when you’re feeling restless and others when you’re passionate about your spouse. Try to remember that normally the doldrums don’t last. Additionally, remember to avoid comparing your marriage to others you see on social media. You probably aren’t seeing the whole story.

Quality Time

If you’re feeling the seven-year itch, it might be time to get back to basics with your relationship. Schedule a little quality time together and spend it focusing just on one another. Get a babysitter, take a day off work, or set aside your phone to avoid distractions. Spend the day talking and feeling relaxed with your spouse. It might just be that the stress of life and family obligations is making you forget how special they are.

Try Something New

It’s also helpful to be spontaneous and try something new with your partner if you’re experiencing the seven-year itch. Play hooky for a day and go on a mini-day trip together. Or sign up for a salsa dancing class. Get outside of your comfort zone and outside of the repetitiveness of everyday life. Being vulnerable together by trying something you’re both new at can break up some of the log jams.

Improve Communication

Finally, one surefire way to improve any relationship is to improve your communication skills. And the same is true if you’re going through the seven-year itch. Practice listening to your partner without distractions and with all of your attention. Ask insightful questions and show interest in their passions. Seeking out a marriage counselor to help you improve communication is also a great idea.

Relationships all have their ups and downs, and finding yourself in a marriage slump is not uncommon. Luckily though, this so-called seven-year itch typically doesn’t last forever. Often, couples feel like they’re in a rut because the responsibilities of work and childcare are leaving them exhausted at the end of the day with no time left over for their spouse. So go back to the basics and remind yourself that it’s perfectly normal. Spend some quality time together trying something new and getting out of your comfort zone. And work on your communication skills so you can connect more easily. Finally, remember that this too shall pass. Be patient with yourselves and remember that every marriage takes work. You can get over any hurdle together if you’re willing to put in the effort.

When Emotional Abuse Becomes Physical

If you are in a relationship where emotional abuse becomes physical, it’s important to get the support you need to get out safely. Domestic violence can take many forms, but all abuse stems from a place of wanting to have power and control over a victim. While not all emotional abusers will become physical abusers, mistreatment of a partner does tend to escalate. It’s important to be able to recognize the signs of emotional abuse and to notice when things begin escalating into physical abuse. If you are in a relationship that involves domestic violence of any form, you need to leave safely. Make sure that you take steps to protect yourself and any children in the house, make a plan, and get the support you need to leave. After you are safely away, you can decide if you would like to take legal action against your abuser.

When Emotional Abuse Becomes Physical: Escalation

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can be difficult to spot in a relationship because the signs can be subtle. Oftentimes, people engaging in emotional abuse try to belittle their partners or make them question their reality. They might use threats, insults, yelling, or gaslighting as a tactic. Victims often begin to question their reality as well as their self-worth. This can make it harder for them to get out of the relationship.

Physical Abuse

Emotional abuse becomes physical as soon as a partner lays a hand on you. Physical abuse might include hitting, kicking, choking, or restraining. However, it can also be more subtle as well. Sleep deprivation, forcing you to consume alcohol or drugs, or preventing you from being able to seek medical help are also forms of physical abuse.

Noticing Escalation

It’s important to be able to notice when emotional abuse becomes physical and to know the signs of abuse to watch out for in the first place. Often, abusers will be overly controlling of their partners from the start of the relationship. They might show extreme jealousy, or be quick to anger. Finally, they might begin trying to isolate their victim from friends and family. Noticing any of these signs might mean that it’s time to take a closer look at your relationship and decide whether or not it’s crossing the line of abuse.

Getting Out Safely

If you find yourself in a relationship where emotional abuse becomes physical, or even in a relationship that has red flags of abuse, it’s time to leave. If you have children, it’s important to leave the abusive relationship before they are hurt. Make a plan to leave when your partner is away from the house. Contact a friend or family member that you trust to help you make a plan to get away safely. There are also local support systems in place that can help you if you are a victim of domestic violence of any form.

Domestic violence is a serious crime. And unfortunately, there is often an escalation where emotional abuse becomes physical. Abusers do not stop hurting their victims on their own. Instead, they often escalate to more and more violent forms of abuse. If you are experiencing emotional abuse, it could escalate into physical abuse against you or the children in your home. Therefore, if you notice any signs early on in your relationship, like a controlling partner or a partner that tries to isolate you from friends, leave. Domestic violence can be extremely dangerous and emotionally damaging for victims. And it can also be deadly. Getting the support you need to safely leave is the only way to protect yourself. Only then can you begin the process of healing and consider bringing legal action.

Open Marriage: Benefits and Risks

The topic of open marriage might make some people shrink in discomfort. However, the practice is not that uncommon. An open marriage can mean lots of different things, but often involves partners allowing their spouses to engage in intimacy outside the marriage. While it might seem unconventional, this type of relationship can be beneficial to some couples and strengthen their marriage. However, for others, it could be risky. The bottom line is that if you and your spouse are considering engaging in an open marriage, you have to have honest conversations and decide together if this is the right arrangement.

Open Marriage: Benefits and Risks and Deciding If It’s Right for You

What is It?

The ground rules for an open marriage can vary from couple to couple. However, typically it’s a consensual, non-monogamous relationship. This means that partners either practice swinging or polyamory. Swinging usually means that spouses can have sexual relationships with partners outside the relationship, but the spouse is still their primary paramour. A polyamorous relationship would entail longer-term relationships outside of the marriage.

Possible Benefits

Some couples choose to have an open marriage because they simply don’t believe in monogamy for their entire lives. Others choose it because one partner’s sex drive is substantially higher than the other. And some choose this arrangement because their spouse is uncomfortable with some of their sexual needs. Swinging allows a couple to have sexual freedom to explore with other partners without lying.

Possible Risks

While an open marriage might be a helpful arrangement for some, it’s not always a good idea. The biggest risk is if both partners are not fully comfortable with the situation. This is an arrangement that you both must fully believe in and be okay with. Of course, there is also the chance that jealousy can become an issue. And if you are having sex with multiple partners, there is a risk for sexually transmitted diseases as well.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that an open marriage is a private decision that you and your partner must make together. The only way that this type of arrangement can work is if you are both entirely honest with each other. If one partner is hesitant about the idea, it’s probably not a great choice for your relationship. However, if you are both on board and fully comfortable with the idea, it might bring you even closer as a couple.

Engaging in an open marriage might seem very unfamiliar, but it is not that uncommon. Many couples find that this type of marriage allows them to explore sexually without having to lie and sneak around behind their spouse’s back. This, in turn, can strengthen their marriage bond and make their relationship stronger than ever. However, there are some risks to entering into this type of arrangement. It can be uncomfortable for your friends or children if they find out about it, and there is the potential for issues related to jealousy. If you and your spouse are talking about trying an open marriage, make sure that you lay out specific ground rules and that you both are communicating every step of the way.