Category: marriage

Classic Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Classic signs of a toxic relationship can indicate physical abuse or emotional abuse. There are many ways that a relationship can be toxic but there are red flags to look out for. First, any sort of physical abuse is a clear indicator that your partner is toxic. A controlling or isolating relationship is also a sign of abuse. Gaslighting is a clear signal and form of psychological abuse. And finally, verbal abuse is of course toxic as well. If you see any signs of these types of behavior, it might be time to really examine your relationship and see if it has a future.

Classic Signs of a Toxic Relationship: Am I In One?

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is the most obvious of the classic signs of a toxic relationship. Nobody, man or woman, should ever be violent with their partner. If your partner gets physical with you, it’s a dangerous warning sign. Physical abusers often follow their violence with apologies. However, the abuse is likely to continue. If your partner is abusive, contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline for help in getting out of the relationship safely.

Controlling/Isolating

Another of the classic signs of a toxic relationship is one that is very controlling. If you feel that your partner makes all of the decisions in your relationship, they might be too controlling. In addition, controlling partners often want to isolate their victims. For example, they may make their partners feel guilty for wanting alone time. Or for having close relationships with other friends and family. Look out if you feel that your personal relationships have really been declining because of a new partner. It could be because they are trying to control and isolate you.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is one of the lesser-known signs of a toxic relationship. However, it is a form of psychological abuse. This happens when your partner tries to make you believe something other than the truth. Or they may have you doubting your own feelings. A classic type of gaslighting is when somebody tries to make you feel overly emotional or crazy. They may make you question your actions, memories, or even your sanity.

Verbally Abusive

One final example of the classic signs of a toxic relationship is verbal abuse. Any partner that attacks you verbally does not deserve to be with you. Partners should not insult, belittle. or name call. In addition, if your partner frequently yells at you, this is a form of verbal abuse. Often, verbally abusive partners treat their victims very differently alone than they do when others are around. A verbally abusive relationship can have a lot of negative effects on your mental health, so it’s best to leave it as soon as possible.

Signs of a toxic relationship can be obvious but can also be subtle. In addition, there are many different types of toxic relationships. If your partner is physically abusive, you need to seek help immediately to get out of the relationship safely. If your partner is overly controlling or makes you feel isolated from friends and family, it can definitely be a red flag. In addition, a partner who gaslights you is showing signs of psychological abuse. And finally, name-calling and other forms of verbal abuse are dangerous to your mental well-being. If you see any of these signs in your partner, it might be time to take a closer look at your relationship. You deserve to be with a partner who respects you and wants to build you up. Not tear you down. If you need help leaving an abusive relationship, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Trust Issues: Frequent Signs

Trust issues can be a big reason as to why a couple may get a divorce. Still, not many people are aware of what these issues may look like. Having a better understanding of these signs can be handy for spotting and avoiding them in the future…

Trust Issues: Figure Them Out

Anticipating betrayal

One usual sign of trust issues are when you or your partner expect some kind of betrayal. Now, if you were dealing with someone who has a track record of lying, this would make sense. However, odds are your relationship doesn’t have this. Despite this, you may still expect one day to find your spouse is lying or cheating.

Even if they have shown no indication of this, you still plan for it nonetheless. For some, this is because of trust violation in the past. The thing is, all relationships are different. You have to be willing to give a fair chance to your partner.

Trusting too quickly

On the other side of trust issues are problems trusting too quickly. If you don’t have a lot of experience with building relationships based on trust, then you could offer a lot of trust to those who haven’t given you a reason to. It could be that you end up placing a lot of trust in someone you’ve known for a short time.

Trust, much like with respect, has to be earned. You need to be able to see and get a feeling for someone in order to be able to trust them. It’s good to approach any potential new friend or partner with an open mind, extending trust to them as you build a repertoire.

Mistakes are blown up

Blowing up mistakes into apparently massive issues are another example of trust issues. Everyone is going to mistakes, especially in relationships. Some will be pretty minor and not worth sweating. Yet, if you have issues with trust, you could potentially see them as part of a bigger issue.

Maybe your partner is running a bit late, or isn’t able to answer your calls. If you have problems trusting, then you may view this as them hiding something from you or hating you. In reality, they aren’t big deals, and you have to view them from the right mindset.

Balancing Time: Being Together Vs. Alone

Like many things in life, a good relationship will require balancing time. However, many couples struggle to find a good balance of time spent together and time spent alone. Figuring out a good mix can help avoid some potential issues a poor balance can bring…

Balancing Time: Find Some Middle Ground

Time together

The first aspect of balancing time is the time you spend together as a couple. It’s ideal that a couple will like spending time with each other. Additionally, while this time can be spent in many ways, the key thing is you enjoy being with your partner. Whether you’re out doing something or just relaxing at home, you’ll still value each other’s company.

Still, too much time together can potentially be bad. Even the most-inseparable couples need some space away from each other from time to time. If you don’t have that time, you’ll find you and your partner will begin to get irritated, even if you can’t tell why at first. Eventually, you won’t want to spend any time with them if you can help it.

Time apart

This is where time apart comes into the balancing time mix. This will be time you spend doing things without your partner being there. Many people spend this time being with friends or family. Still, you can also spend this time by yourself, either doing a hobby or just relaxing.

Of course, too much time apart can also be an issue. Not being with your partner can cause them to think you don’t care about them or love them. Over time, this can result in trust issues to develop. These issues can get to the point where your relationship is unable to recover.

Strike your balance

Balancing time is something every couple has to try and figure out. As every couple is a bit different, this balance will look different from one to another. Plus, it might take some experimentation before you find the balance which works for you.

The important thing is you and your partner work together to find this perfect balance. Talk to each other and figure out some ways to really enjoy your time together. Then, also discuss when and why you may want some time apart. Being on the same page will go a long way in avoiding potential problems.

Who Needs a Will? When do I Need a Will?

Knowing who needs a will and when you should create a will is an important step in preparing for you future. A will is a legal document that spells out what will happen to your assets if you die. It also lays out who will be in charge of managing your assets. If you are married, you should create a will. If you have any children, you’ll want to create a will for their benefit. And anybody with positive assets should have a will in place. Having an experienced attorney guide you through the process of creating a will should give you peace of mind about your loved ones after you pass.

Who Needs a Will? When do I Need a Will?

Married

If you are married, then you’re someone who needs a will. When you die without a will, your assets would likely pass to your spouse, but it’s not a guarantee. Therefore, a will can ensure that your spouse receives your assets if that is what you wish. If there is anybody else that you want to give some assets to, this would be included in your will.

Children

Parents definitely fall into the category of people who need a will in place. In general, children inherit after your spouse has also died. So if you’d rather they inherit assets differently, you’ll need to spell that out. You can choose how to divide assets and property among your children however you’d like. In addition, a will lays out who the executor of your estate will be. It will also designate guardians for your children. This is obviously a huge part of why you need a will. The guardian will be in charge of raising your children after your passing. You’ll need to update your will if you have more children, or if anything changes with your guardianship plans.

Positive Assets

Finally, the question of who needs a will also depends on your assets and debt. If you have positive assets, you’ll want to create a will. Having positive assets means that your assets are greater than your debts. Therefore, if you’ve made and saved a lot of money and it exceeds any debts then you’ll want to designate what happens to it. Similarly, if you’ve inherited large sums of money or property, you’ll need to spell out what should be done in the event of your death.

If you’ve been wondering who needs a will, the answer really depends on whether or not it’s important to you to designate what happens to your assets or property after you die. For example, if you’re married and want to make absolutely sure your spouse inherits, or want to prevent that for any reason. If you have children, a will is important so that you can designate how they inherit assets and property from you. It also will spell out who should care for them after you die. And finally, if you’ve managed to save a bigger sum of money than your debts, you’ll want to designate who it goes to. By creating a will, you’ll be able to take care of loved ones even after you pass away.

Divorcing Young: Why It Happens

These days, there’s less younger couples marrying than in the past. For those that do, many of them end up divorcing young as well. Much like with older couples, there’s a few reasons in particular why they tend to split up…

Divorcing Young: Why It Happens

Realizing they rushed

One common reason for divorcing young is that these couples realize they’ve rushed things. Relationships go in stages, and the “honeymoon” stage in particular can be misleading. During this stage, everything between you and your partner seems perfect. In fact, you might think you have no problems, because in your eyes, your partner can do no wrong.

It’s this mindset which causes many young couples to rush into marriage. However, much like an actual honeymoon, that phase doesn’t last forever. Eventually, reality will start to set in, and they’ll realize they’re not ready to be married just yet. As a result, they’ll end up divorcing.

You don’t know each other

This reason for divorcing young is somewhat related to rushing. When couples are in those early stages of dating, they don’t really know each other all too well. They might know some surface-level things, but they aren’t aware of say how living together might go.

Being in that mindset where you “think” you know them can lead you to tying the know. But, as you begin to spend more time with each other, you might realize you don’t get along like you thought. This can make you see that you’ve basically married someone who is still a stranger to you.

Different Future Goals

Divorcing young can also be due to both partners having different goals in mind for the future. For example, one partner might want to try and finish up school or find a good job before having kids. Meanwhile, the other one wants to have kids now and not wait.

Disagreements like this can paint a bigger picture. Eventually, both partners may realize that they want completely different things in the future. This can place them at odds with one another. Unfortunately, this usually means that they’ll have to split in order to achieve those goals.

Having a Baby to Save Your Marriage?

Having a baby to save your marriage is not a good idea. While movies can sometimes make us think that having a child will magically repair a broken relationship, the truth is that children just add stress. Adding a child into the mix isn’t going to help things if you and your partner are already on shaky ground. Instead, it will create way more pressure and anxiety in your lives. Plus, it isn’t fair to the baby that’s being used as a game piece or Hail Mary. Finally, both you and your partner will be limiting yourselves and the amount of happiness that you can experience. If your marriage is feeling shaky, the best thing to do is pause and work on things before ramping up the pressure with a child.

Having a Baby to Save Your Marriage: Is It Ever a Good Idea?

It Won’t Fix the Underlying Issues

The main reason why having a baby to save your marriage is dicey is that it doesn’t fix anything. If you and your partner have issues, creating a new life doesn’t address them in any way. Sure, it can kick the can down the road for a few years, but your problems will come back. You and your partner need to address your concerns head-on through open communication and counseling.

It’s a Pressure Cooker

Another reason why having a baby to save your marriage is a dangerous game is that it just adds stress to your life. Babies need constant care, and children need your full attention. Even if you have a healthy, easy baby, the parenting process is overwhelming. You and your spouse will get very little sleep, and tempers will run short. Not a good recipe for fixing marital issues.

It Isn’t Fair to the Baby

It also isn’t fair to the child if you’re planning on having a baby to save your marriage. You should bring a child into the world because you want to raise it together and give it all of your love. Not to use it as a crutch for your relationship, or a bandage. If you are already having issues, a baby is only likely to exacerbate things. This means that you’ll be bringing a child into a relationship with arguments, where neither partner is really happy.

Limiting Your Happiness

Finally, having a baby to save your marriage just means that you’re limiting your potential for happiness. You deserve to be with somebody that makes you happy. And in a marriage that fulfills you with a partner that is willing to give equal effort. If you have a baby with your spouse and then you decide it’s best to go your separate ways, you’ll be tied together for life. It’s much better to figure out what you both want out of the future now.

Having a baby to save your marriage isn’t the answer to your marital problems. Parenting is hard work, and you deserve a teammate you can count on. If you and your partner are already having issues without the added stress of a child, creating a baby isn’t going to lessen your problems. Instead, it’s likely to put much more pressure and stress on your marriage. Not to mention that it isn’t fair to the baby. And if you and your spouse are better off as exes, it’s best to find that out before you’re tied together as co-parents for the rest of your lives. All in all, the answer to marriage struggles is not a child. Instead, take a pause, do the work, and decide whether or not this is a marriage that can last.

Putting Effort Into Your Marriage

Putting effort into your marriage is important for the longevity of your relationship. You and your partner should both contribute equally to the marriage and make a point to continue showing up for each other throughout the years. One of the best ways to show your partner how much you care is by spending quality time together. Another way is to improve your listening skills, which counseling can be helpful with. Every marriage gets into ruts periodically or has times when your focus will be pulled towards other things. And while you’ll experience some ups and downs, your relationship will be much stronger if you both decide up front to put in the effort to make it last a lifetime.

Putting Effort Into Your Marriage: You Get Out What You Put In

Why It Matters

Putting effort into your marriage is important because it’s a way of showing your partner how much they mean to you. It’s easy to get lost in the monotony of everyday life. Especially with stresses from childcare or work. During these times, it can be easy to forget just how special your partner is and stop noticing the amazing qualities that drew you to them in the first place. Putting in the effort will remind your spouse of how much you care about your marriage.

Importance of Equality

Another important thing to note about putting effort into your marriage is that it needs to be an equal contribution. If one partner is always the one making time for the marriage but doesn’t feel that their effort is reciprocated, they might begin to wonder if the relationship is healthy. It’s normal to have certain times when one of you has a lot of stressors and isn’t able to focus as much on the marriage. However, overall, your partnership should be an equal one.

Quality Time

One way to show that you’re putting effort into your marriage is to focus on quality time. It’s easy to get bogged down with our busy work schedules. However, making time for a date night, a walk together, or just a few minutes to sit with one another is important. Put it on your calendar if you need to. Just make sure that your time is distraction-free. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and spend some time reconnecting.

Be a Good Listener

Another great way of putting effort into your marriage is to improve your listening skills. Becoming a great listener will show your partner that you care about their interests. So make eye contact when they speak, ask insightful questions, and show an interest in what they’re saying. Another great way to improve communication skills is to speak with a marriage counselor. Even if things are going smoothly in your relationship, therapy can be hugely helpful in improving your conflict resolution and communication skills.

Putting effort into your marriage is the best way to show up for your partner and show them how much they mean to you. Every marriage has times when things are great, and times when things are stressful. The important thing is that through it all, you keep putting in effort to strengthen your bond. That will give you the tools you need to get through the more stressful times. Make sure that both partners are committed to the marriage, and that things aren’t one-sided. Consider spending more quality time together distraction-free. Or work on improving communication skills through counseling. By putting

All About Common Law Marriage

Common law marriage is something that gets referenced frequently but is not recognized in many states. This type of union happens when two people live together and claim for the world to be married, but never go through a formal ceremony. There are certain requirements that they have to fulfill, and the rules vary from state to state. People in this type of marriage still retain all of the rights of a married couple and have to file for divorce if they decide to end their relationship. If you are interested in marrying in common law, speak to an experienced family attorney in your state to determine if it’s a possibility.

All About Common Law Marriage: Is It Legal Everywhere?

What Is It?

Common law marriage is a union between two people who are living together and representing themselves as husband and wife without going through a formal marriage ceremony. These unions were popular long ago when rural areas didn’t have as many churches or government buildings. Especially in states where the population was low. However, now that most people have easy access to government offices, most states do not recognize them.

Where Is It Legal?

Most states do not legally recognize couples who are married in common law. Only ten states, plus D.C. allow them. These are Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, and Utah. However, some states, like South Carolina no longer allow these marriages to form. They will recognize an already established common-law marriage, but this is not an option available to couples moving forward.

Requirements

You can’t accidentally marry somebody in common law just because you live with them. There are several requirements for a common-law marriage, that vary from state to state. A couple must be living together, although the length of time varies. Additionally, they must both be of sound mind and legally able to get married. Finally, you must hold yourselves out to others as a married couple, and represent as spouses in public.

Divorce

A common-law marriage is just as legally binding as a typical marriage. It comes with the same rights and privileges for spouses. And just like an official marriage, the only way to end one is through divorce. The divorce process is similar to a typical divorce; spouses must split up assets and deal with issues like custody and spousal support payments.

Common law marriage was very popular at one time but is slowly fading out of existence in our country. Now that most people have access to government offices where they can legally obtain marriage licenses, many states no longer recognize non-official marriages. However, there are still a few loopholes in states where you can marry your partner in common law. The requirements vary from place to place, especially with the amount of time you must live together. But typically, this type of marriage requires that you cohabitate, that you’re legally able to marry, and that you present to the world as a married couple. Similarly to an official marriage, you must go through the divorce process to end a common law relationship. If you have questions about common-law marriage in your state, seek the advice of an experienced attorney.

How to Spot a One-Sided Marriage

If you are in a one-sided marriage or relationship of any kind, it can quickly become exhausting. In any relationship, both partners should be giving equal amounts of effort throughout their time together. Naturally, there will be times when outside distractions make it difficult to focus on your marriage. However, over time, you should both be contributing equally. If you don’t feel like this is the case, it can be a symptom of a deeper problem. It can happen gradually over time, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you are doomed as a couple. Through counseling and communication, you can rebuild your relationship and begin contributing equally again.

How to Spot a One-Sided Marriage and What to Do About It

How Does It Happen

A one-sided marriage simply means that one partner is putting in more effort than the other one. At the start of a relationship, both parties are often equally committed and interested in putting in the effort. However, over time, there can be a disconnect. It might feel like one person in the marriage is always the one planning dates, initiating intimacy, and working on improving the relationship.

Why It’s a Problem

Sometimes a one-sided marriage happens because of outside stressors taking the focus of one spouse away from their partner. Or because one person has never had a healthy example of marriage to model. But sometimes it happens because one spouse realizes that they have outgrown the marriage. Maintaining a one-sided relationship can be exhausting for the person who feels they are giving more effort. It can quickly build resentment.

Signs

The main sign of a one-sided marriage is if one partner feels they are always the one trying to work on the relationship or improve things. Another sign is if you begin to feel like an obligation, rather, a priority. Intimacy might fade away, or one partner might always have to be the one to initiate it. Finally, you might begin to feel like they don’t have any interest in your relationship issues, or refuse to acknowledge them at all.

What To Do

If you find yourself in a one-sided marriage, try to figure out exactly how you want to move forward. Speak to your spouse and see if they are willing to try marriage counseling or other techniques to improve your connection. Work on building up your communication with one another. If they don’t seem interested in putting in the work, then it might be time to explore other options. It’s not fair to stay in a marriage with somebody that doesn’t love you back.

Being in a one-sided marriage can be exhausting and can build a lot of resentment and self-doubt. If you feel like you are the only person making any effort in your relationship, it’s important to get to the bottom of exactly what’s going on. Try to figure out if this is a temporary phase of your marriage because your partner is dealing with stress or other issues. Or if it’s a long-term issue that you’ve been dealing with for years. You might feel like your spouse doesn’t care about your happiness, or doesn’t want to talk about your relationship at all. If this is the case, think deeply about how you want to proceed. Marriage counseling can be beneficial, but it still requires both you and your spouse to put in mental work. You deserve to be in a marriage with a partner that respects you and loves you enough to put in the effort.

Deciding On a Legal Guardian

If you have young children, deciding on a legal guardian should be an integral part of your estate-planning process. If either you or their other parent passes away, the other parent would still raise your kids. But what happens if both parents are in an accident? While nobody likes to think about the possibility, it is important to assign a legal guardian to your will. This is the person you task with raising your children if you and your spouse die unexpectedly or are otherwise incapacitated. It’s a big decision and one that you need to carefully consider. You might debate between your parents, your siblings, or even friends. However, there are important factors to think about no matter who you pick. While it’s unpleasant to think about, knowing that you have a legal guardian appointed in your will might give you peace of mind.

Deciding On a Legal Guardian: Different Options

Grandparents

When deciding on a legal guardian, many people go straight to their parents as a choice. However, there are some things to consider. For example, they’ll need to be physically fit and healthy enough to handle young children. Think about them. age and whether or not you feel confident that they will remain in good health while raising their grandchildren.

Aunts and Uncles

Another popular option when deciding on a legal guardian is your siblings. One positive of this is that your children will still be able to maintain close relationships with their families. For example, grandparents and extended family. Additionally, your siblings might have similar core values to you and your spouse. Hopefully, this means that they’ll respect your wishes for how you’d like your children brought up.

Friends

If you don’t have siblings or don’t have siblings that you feel would be a good fit, you can assign friends as legal guardians of your children. Like siblings, it’s important to take into account their values and whether or not they’ll raise your children in a way that you approve of. Additionally, raising kids is expensive, so you’ll want to make sure that it is financially feasible to ask them to take on this responsibility.

Things to Keep in Mind

When deciding on a legal guardian for your kids, there are many things to consider. You’ll want to make sure that whomever you pick has the emotional and financial capacity to take this on. You might also want to consider their support system. They’ll need all the help they can get adjusting to life as new parents while dealing with the grief of losing you. This decision is yours alone, so don’t let others pressure you. The decision has to be right for you and your spouse.

Deciding on a legal guardian for your kids can be a difficult task. There are a lot of things to think about when making such a huge decision. You’ll want to choose somebody that you feel comfortable with, and somebody you trust to raise your kids. But they also must have the financial means and emotional capacity to take this on. When thinking about who to pick, you might consider your parents, your siblings, or friends. The fit has to feel right for you and your spouse. Additionally, it’s a good idea to speak with whoever you choose and make sure that they are comfortable having this potential responsibility. While you hope that you never actually have to give another person the task of raising your children, it can give you peace of mind knowing they’ll be in good hands if the unexpected should happen.