Category: post-divorce

Pestering Ex: What To Do

After your divorce, you might hope to get some space from your former partner. But what if they won’t leave you alone? Dealing with a pestering ex can be very aggravating. However, there are some ways you can get them off your back…

Pestering Ex: What To Do

Set clear expectations

One way to potentially avoid a pestering ex is to set expectation early on. The thing is divorces don’t just happen overnight. As a result, you have a lot of time to let them know what kind of expectations they should have moving forward. This can help them see what they should and shouldn’t come to you for once things are over.

Now, it’s important to be direct with them. Don’t try and beat around the bush or hesitate. It might feel harsh, but your ex will need to know what your preference are. If your expectations are clear, then they should get the message.

Know when lines are crossed

Setting expectations for a pestering ex is important. Still, it’s also important to let them know when they cross those boundaries. Sometimes, they might not realize they’ve done so. Other times, they may do so on purpose to see how you react.

When this happens, you need to let them know. This signals to them that you’re serious about your boundaries, and they need to be as well. Usually, they’ll take the hint and learn what kind of behavior they need to avoid going forward.

Watch for mixed signals

These may be times when a pestering ex might not even realize they’re bothering you. This could be because it appears to them that you’re don’t mind them. However, deep down, you might wish that they’d leave you alone! Therefore, you should make sure you aren’t accidentally giving them mixed signals.

A common way people do this is by accidentally going against their own boundaries. For instance, maybe you tell your ex you can only talk at certain times. Yet, you ended up calling them outside of these times. This can give them mixed signals about how you feel. As a result, even if you need to break those boundaries, make sure they know why.

New Year Financial Checklist

Going into a new year after a divorce is often a time for personal self-reflection. However, you’ll also want to look at other areas of your life as well, such as your finances. That’s why it’s a good idea to make a new year financial checklist. Having this list will let you get a head start on planning out the new year…

New Year Financial Checklist

Set your goals

A good way to start off a new year financial checklist is with some goals. In fact, people who set definitive resolutions are much more likely to actually achieve them. Therefore, it’s helpful to set for yourself specific short- and long-term goals that you want to reach in the new year.

Now, just saying “I want to save money” isn’t specific enough. How much do you want to save, and in what kind of time frame? Or, do you want to pay off debts in a certain amount of time? Goals like these are good and specific, and will provide a good sense of accomplishment when you achieve them.

Check your credit

Credit is also a very important part of your finances. As a result, it should also be a part of your new year financial checklist. Your credit will influence a whole host of things, from car payment plans to potential apartment leases. Due to this, you want to get it or keep it in good shape.

One good way to do this is to watch your credit card usage. Try to only use it for things you normally need to buy anyways, like gas or groceries. That way, you don’t use it for expensive things you don’t need that will put you into debt. A steady stream of paying off these kinds of credit card charges can help get your credit moving in the right direction.

Track your spending habits

A problem many people run into is spending more money than they expect. Even when they’re trying to save up, they may struggle to figure out what’s running up costs. That’s why you should also include tracking your spending habits in your new year financial checklist, to avoid this issue.

Keeping an eye on your spending will help you see what’s costing you the most. That way, you can cut down on or remove some expenses. One good way to do this is through a budget. These days, there’s plenty of apps and programs which will help you set up a good budget to reach your goals.

Post-Divorce Burnout

It isn’t always easy to adjust to a new life after a divorce. As a result, sometimes people will throw themselves into things like work. However, this can easily result in post-divorce burnout. That’s why it’s best to avoid taking this route…

Post-Divorce Burnout

The problem with burnout

The problems with post-divorce burnout are very similar to those of any other type of burnout. In general, it occurs when someone decides to use their work as an escape from the grief of their divorce. By focusing themselves solely on their work, they think they can distract themselves from those negative feelings.

However, no matter how much work you do, you can only avoid those feelings for so long. In fact, the more work you do, the longer those emotions will simmer and get worse. Eventually, you’ll reach your point of burnout, and all those emotions and more will rise to the surface, usually in a not-so-pretty way.

Accepting your emotions

In order to avoid this post-divorce burnout, you can’t avoid those sad feelings from your divorce. Rather, you need to take the time to confront and accept them. By acknowledging these feelings, you will get yourself through the grieving process, and can start to move forwards.

Usually, many people will actually take time away from work to do this. Still, there’s plenty of other ways you can give yourself some time to process these emotions. Maybe you meet with a therapist, or write your thoughts down in a journal. Whatever you chose, the important thing is getting those emotions out there.

Watch your workload

Another part of avoiding post-divorce burnout is watching your workload. There’s going to be a lot of things you’ll need to take care of after your divorce. Maybe you’re moving, or you have to adjust to being a single parent. When this happens, you need to be careful you aren’t pushing yourself too hard.

Taking on too much work can lead to burnout, even if you’re processing those emotions. Therefore, try to watch how much work you take on. Try to talk to your boss about what’s going on, and how you might need a bit of a limited workload for a short period of time. Many times, they’re understanding and willing to help you out.

Financial Changes: How To Cope

Seeing your financial situation change after divorce can be quite difficult. These financial changes can really impact your plans for your post-divorce life. However, there are some ways you can cope with these changes…

Financial Changes: How To Cope

Save ahead of time

A good way to handle potential financial changes is to save up ahead of time. Depending on how your divorce goes, the cost can quickly add up. Plus, it’s hard to tell how long a divorce will take until you really start it. Therefore, you’ll want to have some extra money saved up in advance.

Saving up these extra funds can help in a few ways. For starters, it’ll help you cover any unexpected costs or fees which pop up during the process. Also, it’ll let you get a head-start on preparing your post-divorce finances. Even just saving a few extra dollars here and there can really add up and help you out.

Set up a budget

Budgets are also handy for handling financial changes. Suddenly going from a two-income home to a single-income home can really be a shock. Still, it’s helpful to try and anticipate these changes ahead of time. A good budget can really be of use when it comes to coping with these potential changes.

A good way to try and split your budget is into needs, wants, and savings. Your needs are things you have to spend money on, such as food or bills. Your wants are more optional things, like shopping urges or other similar activities. Lastly, your savings are exactly that: money you put away and save up. Looking over these three categories can help you structure your budget accordingly.

Use some outside help

Sometimes, these financial changes can be very overwhelming. When this happens, you might struggle to figure out what to do. However, the thing is you don’t need to go it alone. In fact, you can make use of some outside help.

Talking to a financial advisor can help you better understand your finances. They can help break things down for you, and show you where things can be changed, saved, or worked on. These advisors are especially handy if you have a lot of debt which you’re unsure about how to approach.

Holiday Loneliness: What To Avoid

If you’re dealing with a divorce around the holidays, it can be pretty rough. You might find yourself feeling quite lonely or isolated. However, when you feel this holiday loneliness, it’s important to avoid some common mistakes. Doing so will help you fight those feelings off in a healthy, productive manner…

Holiday Loneliness: What To Avoid

Watch Your pride

Pride is a major cause of holiday loneliness. For instance, many people don’t like for others to see them as vulnerable. As a result, they won’t reach out to others and ask them if they can possibly spend some holiday season time together. All this does is ensure that they remain lonely, and leaves them feeling even worse than before.

Therefore, don’t be afraid put that pride aside. After all, the holidays are a time of giving and being with others. Reaching out to friends or family, even if you feel awkward about it, can be a good idea. Often enough, they’ll be happy to include you in their holiday plans.

Don’t wallow

Another thing you want to avoid doing when feeling holiday loneliness is wallowing. It can be very easy to get all caught up in your sadness. Adjusting from what you’re used to during the holidays to the new reality can leave you stuck in a cycle of sadness. However, it’s a cycle you don’t need to deal with.

Try to consider the fact that everyone goes through points where they feel down. However, you don’t have to make that sadness the focal point of who you are. Instead, look at the positive things you still have, and can start doing, and you can find yourself being a bit more thankful and happy than you were before.

Avoid unhealthy coping

Holiday loneliness can cause people to slip into some pretty bad habits. Commonly, people like to turn to alcohol in an effort to cope. Or, they might also develop some unhealthy eating habits, or isolate themselves from the rest of the world. All of these things combined aren’t going to be good for you now, or in the future.

Instead, you’ll want to use some more healthy coping mechanisms. Find some better, healthier things you like to do, and focus on them instead. Slipping into unhealthier habits will just make things harder than they already were.

Post-Divorce Info: Key Updates

When your divorce is finally over, you might be hoping to finally relax a bit. However, there’s still some post-divorce info you’ll want to get updated. Taking the time now to get everything good to go will save you from headaches down the line…

Post-Divorce Info: Key Updates

Address info

One piece of post-divorce info you want to update pretty quickly is your address. A lot of people will  find themselves getting ready to move to a new home or apartment once their divorce is over. If you find yourself in this kind of position, it’s important that you update your address information properly.

For instance, you’ll want to keep people you trust like your friends and family in the loop about your new address. Depending on your job, it might also be helpful to let your boss know as well. Don’t forget that you might need to update your address for things such as taxes and voter registration.

Financial info

Another piece of post-divorce info to take care of is your financial info. Many married couples will like to either share a bank account together, or have access to each other’s personal accounts. After your divorce, that’s not something you’ll want to have for security reasons. Therefore, you’ll want to update this information too.

If you and you ex had a shared account, then it’s a good idea to go ahead and get your own account. You might also be able to revoke the access your ex had to your own personal account, but it’s safer to open up a brand-new account just in case. Also, remember to let your employer know about any relevant changes, such as if you use direct deposit, to ensure your pay ends up in the right place!

Contact info

Contact information is also some important post-divorce info to update. Some spouses like to share things such as email accounts or phone plans. After your divorce, you might need to make some alterations in these areas.

Many divorced people tend to get new email accounts set up as well as new phone numbers. That way, they don’t have to worry about their ex having any access or control over their accounts. Plus, if you had a particularly nasty divorce, you might want to make changes to these things to improve your privacy, especially away from your ex.

Home Buying Post-Divorce

Deciding to move after your divorce can be a hard decision to make. However, before you can do any moving, you’ll have to prepare for home buying post-divorce. Taking the time to prepare will help you get a house which will fit you best…

Home Buying Post-Divorce

Organize your finances

Before you can do any home buying post-divorce, you need to organize your finances. Divorce can take a bit of a toll on your financial situation. Not only will you have to worry about costs related to the divorce, but you might also have to adjust to a single-income household.

All of these changes mean that you need to be extra-organized before looking at any homes. Determine what your new budget is going to look like, and how a home might factor into that. Depending on your finances, it might be better to wait a bit to buy a new home.

Pick a good location

It’s also important to remember that home buying post-divorce shouldn’t be done on a whim. Buying a home is not just a big purchase, but it’s also an investment for your future. You need to make sure that your new home is in an area which will benefit you and your family going forward.

For instance, it’s good to see if you can get a home that is close to a new job. Also, if you have kids, you want to make sure the new home is close to some good schools. It’s always helpful to do some extra research and look at what the area around the potential new home is like.

Consider you needs

You’ll need to consider what exactly you need from a home when doing home buying post-divorce. If you have a lot of kids, then maybe you want a home that has enough rooms and space in the yard. However, if it’s just going to be you, you might want something a bit smaller, and in turn, a bit cheaper.

The key thing is you don’t want to get stuck with an expensive new home right after your divorce. Your finances are going to be at their most shaky during this time. Therefore, stick to what you need out of a home versus splurging on something expensive.

Post-Divorce Checklist

Going through a divorce can be pretty tiring. Once things are over, you might you can start putting things behind you. However, there still will be things you’ll need to take care of afterwards. That’s why it helps to set up a post-divorce checklist, which can help you see what you need to take care of, and when…

Post-Divorce Checklist

Cover everything

Your personal post-divorce checklist will be centered around what you’ll need to take care of in the upcoming future. However, it’s key to not to forget anything. Some things might appear to be more important than others. Still, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t include them on your checklist.

An easy way to do this is by going through the main categories of things you’ll need to cover. For instance, this includes things such as asset splitting, financial matters, and anything related to the kids. It always helps to play it safe and write down anything you think will be important on your checklist.

Prioritize the events

Once you have everything down on your post-divorce checklist, you’ll then want to prioritize things. In order to do that, you have to look at what’s time-sensitive and what isn’t. For instance, if something is due in 7 days, versus something that’s due in 2 months, then it’s clear what should be prioritized!

Still, there might be some things you want to prioritize that don’t necessarily have a deadline. Something which falls into this category would be bank accounts. While splitting bank accounts doesn’t really have a deadline, it’s something you’ll want to do quickly for extra financial security.

Remember the small stuff

Most people think their post-divorce checklist should only focus on the big, major items for each category. However, some of those “small” things could end up becoming big deals if you neglect them. Therefore, while they might be low down on your priorities, don’t forget to get around to them!

A checklist is a great way to get things which might seem overwhelming all nice and organized. That way, you can begin to take care of these matters without it becoming too stressful to handle. This will also help you begin to achieve the new goals you set for yourself in your post-divorce life.

Moving Post-Divorce: Make It Easier

The time after your divorce might be one full of change. One of the most common changes involves moving post-divorce. However, moves can be a bit tricky to pull off, especially after all that’s happened. That’s why there’s a few areas in particular you want to focus on…

Moving Post-Divorce: Make It Easier

Do some decluttering

Having just too much stuff is a common issue people who plan on moving post-divorce run into. It’s no surprise that the more things you have to move, the harder it’ll be to get it all taken care of. This can especially be a problem if you’re using a moving company, as they may charge you quite a bit to move all those things.

Therefore, it helps to do some decluttering. Use this time to get rid of things you don’t need or want any more. This is especially true for things related to your marriage that you want to get rid of. You can sell these things to get a bit of extra cash, or donate them so others can make use of them.

Don’t forget to clean

Not everyone really enjoys constantly cleaning up around their homes. As a result, you can imagine that those moving post-divorce into a new home especially don’t want to. Cleaning, when it feels like a near-constant occurrence, can cause a lot of stress and frustration. Still, it doesn’t have to be such a pain for you.

One way to make cleaning easier is by setting up a schedule. Pick certain spots of the house to clean each day instead of doing it all at once. That way, it won’t feel so overwhelming. Doing your cleaning this way can help keep you relaxed and your new home looking nice and tidy.

Make it your own

The trickiest aspect of moving post-divorce is making your new home feel like it’s really “your” home. After all, you might’ve just moved from a place you’ve lived at for years. Trying to make a brand new place feel the same can seem like an impossible task at first.

However, you now have the ability to really make your new home into what you want. You won’t have to worry about compromising on room designs and decorations. Take advantage of this and set your house up according to your taste, and soon it’ll feel like it should.

High Conflict Co-Parenting

Divorcing on bad terms with your ex often leads to high conflict co-parenting. This type of co-parenting ends up being bad for both you, your ex, and your children. Therefore, it helps to try and work together to find some common ground and improve your parenting styles…

High Conflict Co-Parenting

Develop a fair plan

Often times, high conflict co-parenting comes about when former partners can’t come up with a fair plan. Co-parenting is all about having some kind of plan of action. This plan tends to cover things like who gets the kids on what days and the shared standard ground rules. However, many times parents try and make unfair plans which benefit them at the cost of their ex.

As a result, it’s important to work together on a fair plan. This plan needs to be something which works well for the both of you. You might have to make some compromises, but that’s always a part of making agreements. In the end, good plans make your co-parenting experience go much more smoother.

Communicate well

Another important factor in co-parenting is communication. Co-parents have to be able to talk to one another about their children. For instance, they might need to coordinate plans, make sure their ex can still take the kids, or ask if their ex can watch them as a favor. Not having that good communication tends to cause high conflict co-parenting.

One way to improve your communication is by keeping it focused on the kids. If you and your ex find that you can’t talk normally about things, then keep your topics focused on the kids. That way, you avoid talking about subjects which might end up leading to arguments.

Focus on the shared goal

The thing with high conflict co-parenting is that most times, both parents don’t want to hurt their kids. Instead, they just want to raise them in what they view as the best way possible. Therefore, instead of using co-parenting as a source of arguments, use it as a means to come together on some common ground.

Try to keep this shared goal in mind next time things get tense. You and your ex can begin to see that you both want your kids to have a happy childhood, and a good future. Putting things back into perspective can help you both start to work on your disagreements.