Category: post-divorce

Financial Changes: How To Cope

Seeing your financial situation change after divorce can be quite difficult. These financial changes can really impact your plans for your post-divorce life. However, there are some ways you can cope with these changes…

Financial Changes: How To Cope

Save ahead of time

A good way to handle potential financial changes is to save up ahead of time. Depending on how your divorce goes, the cost can quickly add up. Plus, it’s hard to tell how long a divorce will take until you really start it. Therefore, you’ll want to have some extra money saved up in advance.

Saving up these extra funds can help in a few ways. For starters, it’ll help you cover any unexpected costs or fees which pop up during the process. Also, it’ll let you get a head-start on preparing your post-divorce finances. Even just saving a few extra dollars here and there can really add up and help you out.

Set up a budget

Budgets are also handy for handling financial changes. Suddenly going from a two-income home to a single-income home can really be a shock. Still, it’s helpful to try and anticipate these changes ahead of time. A good budget can really be of use when it comes to coping with these potential changes.

A good way to try and split your budget is into needs, wants, and savings. Your needs are things you have to spend money on, such as food or bills. Your wants are more optional things, like shopping urges or other similar activities. Lastly, your savings are exactly that: money you put away and save up. Looking over these three categories can help you structure your budget accordingly.

Use some outside help

Sometimes, these financial changes can be very overwhelming. When this happens, you might struggle to figure out what to do. However, the thing is you don’t need to go it alone. In fact, you can make use of some outside help.

Talking to a financial advisor can help you better understand your finances. They can help break things down for you, and show you where things can be changed, saved, or worked on. These advisors are especially handy if you have a lot of debt which you’re unsure about how to approach.

Holiday Loneliness: What To Avoid

If you’re dealing with a divorce around the holidays, it can be pretty rough. You might find yourself feeling quite lonely or isolated. However, when you feel this holiday loneliness, it’s important to avoid some common mistakes. Doing so will help you fight those feelings off in a healthy, productive manner…

Holiday Loneliness: What To Avoid

Watch Your pride

Pride is a major cause of holiday loneliness. For instance, many people don’t like for others to see them as vulnerable. As a result, they won’t reach out to others and ask them if they can possibly spend some holiday season time together. All this does is ensure that they remain lonely, and leaves them feeling even worse than before.

Therefore, don’t be afraid put that pride aside. After all, the holidays are a time of giving and being with others. Reaching out to friends or family, even if you feel awkward about it, can be a good idea. Often enough, they’ll be happy to include you in their holiday plans.

Don’t wallow

Another thing you want to avoid doing when feeling holiday loneliness is wallowing. It can be very easy to get all caught up in your sadness. Adjusting from what you’re used to during the holidays to the new reality can leave you stuck in a cycle of sadness. However, it’s a cycle you don’t need to deal with.

Try to consider the fact that everyone goes through points where they feel down. However, you don’t have to make that sadness the focal point of who you are. Instead, look at the positive things you still have, and can start doing, and you can find yourself being a bit more thankful and happy than you were before.

Avoid unhealthy coping

Holiday loneliness can cause people to slip into some pretty bad habits. Commonly, people like to turn to alcohol in an effort to cope. Or, they might also develop some unhealthy eating habits, or isolate themselves from the rest of the world. All of these things combined aren’t going to be good for you now, or in the future.

Instead, you’ll want to use some more healthy coping mechanisms. Find some better, healthier things you like to do, and focus on them instead. Slipping into unhealthier habits will just make things harder than they already were.

Post-Divorce Info: Key Updates

When your divorce is finally over, you might be hoping to finally relax a bit. However, there’s still some post-divorce info you’ll want to get updated. Taking the time now to get everything good to go will save you from headaches down the line…

Post-Divorce Info: Key Updates

Address info

One piece of post-divorce info you want to update pretty quickly is your address. A lot of people will  find themselves getting ready to move to a new home or apartment once their divorce is over. If you find yourself in this kind of position, it’s important that you update your address information properly.

For instance, you’ll want to keep people you trust like your friends and family in the loop about your new address. Depending on your job, it might also be helpful to let your boss know as well. Don’t forget that you might need to update your address for things such as taxes and voter registration.

Financial info

Another piece of post-divorce info to take care of is your financial info. Many married couples will like to either share a bank account together, or have access to each other’s personal accounts. After your divorce, that’s not something you’ll want to have for security reasons. Therefore, you’ll want to update this information too.

If you and you ex had a shared account, then it’s a good idea to go ahead and get your own account. You might also be able to revoke the access your ex had to your own personal account, but it’s safer to open up a brand-new account just in case. Also, remember to let your employer know about any relevant changes, such as if you use direct deposit, to ensure your pay ends up in the right place!

Contact info

Contact information is also some important post-divorce info to update. Some spouses like to share things such as email accounts or phone plans. After your divorce, you might need to make some alterations in these areas.

Many divorced people tend to get new email accounts set up as well as new phone numbers. That way, they don’t have to worry about their ex having any access or control over their accounts. Plus, if you had a particularly nasty divorce, you might want to make changes to these things to improve your privacy, especially away from your ex.

Home Buying Post-Divorce

Deciding to move after your divorce can be a hard decision to make. However, before you can do any moving, you’ll have to prepare for home buying post-divorce. Taking the time to prepare will help you get a house which will fit you best…

Home Buying Post-Divorce

Organize your finances

Before you can do any home buying post-divorce, you need to organize your finances. Divorce can take a bit of a toll on your financial situation. Not only will you have to worry about costs related to the divorce, but you might also have to adjust to a single-income household.

All of these changes mean that you need to be extra-organized before looking at any homes. Determine what your new budget is going to look like, and how a home might factor into that. Depending on your finances, it might be better to wait a bit to buy a new home.

Pick a good location

It’s also important to remember that home buying post-divorce shouldn’t be done on a whim. Buying a home is not just a big purchase, but it’s also an investment for your future. You need to make sure that your new home is in an area which will benefit you and your family going forward.

For instance, it’s good to see if you can get a home that is close to a new job. Also, if you have kids, you want to make sure the new home is close to some good schools. It’s always helpful to do some extra research and look at what the area around the potential new home is like.

Consider you needs

You’ll need to consider what exactly you need from a home when doing home buying post-divorce. If you have a lot of kids, then maybe you want a home that has enough rooms and space in the yard. However, if it’s just going to be you, you might want something a bit smaller, and in turn, a bit cheaper.

The key thing is you don’t want to get stuck with an expensive new home right after your divorce. Your finances are going to be at their most shaky during this time. Therefore, stick to what you need out of a home versus splurging on something expensive.

Post-Divorce Checklist

Going through a divorce can be pretty tiring. Once things are over, you might you can start putting things behind you. However, there still will be things you’ll need to take care of afterwards. That’s why it helps to set up a post-divorce checklist, which can help you see what you need to take care of, and when…

Post-Divorce Checklist

Cover everything

Your personal post-divorce checklist will be centered around what you’ll need to take care of in the upcoming future. However, it’s key to not to forget anything. Some things might appear to be more important than others. Still, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t include them on your checklist.

An easy way to do this is by going through the main categories of things you’ll need to cover. For instance, this includes things such as asset splitting, financial matters, and anything related to the kids. It always helps to play it safe and write down anything you think will be important on your checklist.

Prioritize the events

Once you have everything down on your post-divorce checklist, you’ll then want to prioritize things. In order to do that, you have to look at what’s time-sensitive and what isn’t. For instance, if something is due in 7 days, versus something that’s due in 2 months, then it’s clear what should be prioritized!

Still, there might be some things you want to prioritize that don’t necessarily have a deadline. Something which falls into this category would be bank accounts. While splitting bank accounts doesn’t really have a deadline, it’s something you’ll want to do quickly for extra financial security.

Remember the small stuff

Most people think their post-divorce checklist should only focus on the big, major items for each category. However, some of those “small” things could end up becoming big deals if you neglect them. Therefore, while they might be low down on your priorities, don’t forget to get around to them!

A checklist is a great way to get things which might seem overwhelming all nice and organized. That way, you can begin to take care of these matters without it becoming too stressful to handle. This will also help you begin to achieve the new goals you set for yourself in your post-divorce life.

Moving Post-Divorce: Make It Easier

The time after your divorce might be one full of change. One of the most common changes involves moving post-divorce. However, moves can be a bit tricky to pull off, especially after all that’s happened. That’s why there’s a few areas in particular you want to focus on…

Moving Post-Divorce: Make It Easier

Do some decluttering

Having just too much stuff is a common issue people who plan on moving post-divorce run into. It’s no surprise that the more things you have to move, the harder it’ll be to get it all taken care of. This can especially be a problem if you’re using a moving company, as they may charge you quite a bit to move all those things.

Therefore, it helps to do some decluttering. Use this time to get rid of things you don’t need or want any more. This is especially true for things related to your marriage that you want to get rid of. You can sell these things to get a bit of extra cash, or donate them so others can make use of them.

Don’t forget to clean

Not everyone really enjoys constantly cleaning up around their homes. As a result, you can imagine that those moving post-divorce into a new home especially don’t want to. Cleaning, when it feels like a near-constant occurrence, can cause a lot of stress and frustration. Still, it doesn’t have to be such a pain for you.

One way to make cleaning easier is by setting up a schedule. Pick certain spots of the house to clean each day instead of doing it all at once. That way, it won’t feel so overwhelming. Doing your cleaning this way can help keep you relaxed and your new home looking nice and tidy.

Make it your own

The trickiest aspect of moving post-divorce is making your new home feel like it’s really “your” home. After all, you might’ve just moved from a place you’ve lived at for years. Trying to make a brand new place feel the same can seem like an impossible task at first.

However, you now have the ability to really make your new home into what you want. You won’t have to worry about compromising on room designs and decorations. Take advantage of this and set your house up according to your taste, and soon it’ll feel like it should.

High Conflict Co-Parenting

Divorcing on bad terms with your ex often leads to high conflict co-parenting. This type of co-parenting ends up being bad for both you, your ex, and your children. Therefore, it helps to try and work together to find some common ground and improve your parenting styles…

High Conflict Co-Parenting

Develop a fair plan

Often times, high conflict co-parenting comes about when former partners can’t come up with a fair plan. Co-parenting is all about having some kind of plan of action. This plan tends to cover things like who gets the kids on what days and the shared standard ground rules. However, many times parents try and make unfair plans which benefit them at the cost of their ex.

As a result, it’s important to work together on a fair plan. This plan needs to be something which works well for the both of you. You might have to make some compromises, but that’s always a part of making agreements. In the end, good plans make your co-parenting experience go much more smoother.

Communicate well

Another important factor in co-parenting is communication. Co-parents have to be able to talk to one another about their children. For instance, they might need to coordinate plans, make sure their ex can still take the kids, or ask if their ex can watch them as a favor. Not having that good communication tends to cause high conflict co-parenting.

One way to improve your communication is by keeping it focused on the kids. If you and your ex find that you can’t talk normally about things, then keep your topics focused on the kids. That way, you avoid talking about subjects which might end up leading to arguments.

Focus on the shared goal

The thing with high conflict co-parenting is that most times, both parents don’t want to hurt their kids. Instead, they just want to raise them in what they view as the best way possible. Therefore, instead of using co-parenting as a source of arguments, use it as a means to come together on some common ground.

Try to keep this shared goal in mind next time things get tense. You and your ex can begin to see that you both want your kids to have a happy childhood, and a good future. Putting things back into perspective can help you both start to work on your disagreements.

Divorce Embarrassment

Divorce can cause a lot of different emotional reactions. One of these emotions which people tend to struggle with is divorce embarrassment. Whether it be over the divorce itself or people’s reactions to it, this embarrassment can really eat a person up inside. However, it’s also something which you don’t need to go through…

Divorce Embarrassment

Feeling like a failure

For many people, divorce embarrassment comes from feeling like a failure. After all, doesn’t divorce mean that your marriage has failed? However, it’s this specific distinction that you have to keep in mind. While your marriage hasn’t worked out, that doesn’t mean that your yourself have “failed” at life.

Your divorce doesn’t have to be the “defining” moment of your life. In fact, you have a lot more life ahead of you. Plus, you can now experience all these new things without an unhappy marriage holding you back. Your divorce was just one minor bump on the road.

Social implications

Divorce embarrassment can also stem from worries about how people will react to the news. Sooner or later, you’ll have to tell others you’re getting a divorce. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone you know. But even telling your close friends or family can leave you feeling somewhat embarrassed.

However, you’d be surprised how many people these days are receptive and supportive of those they know who are divorcing. In fact, divorce is much more common these days than it used to be. Some people might react negatively, which is unfortunate. But just know these people are in the minority, and aren’t worth your time.

Setting a poor example

Divorce embarrassment doesn’t have to come from outside sources. In fact, you can get these feeling from within your own family, especially if you have kids. For some, this embarrassment comes from feeling like you’ve set a bad example for your kids about marriage.

Keep in mind that what you’re doing is actually setting a good example. You’re telling your kids that when they aren’t happy, they shouldn’t feel trapped in a bad situation. They may not understand it now, but down the line they’ll appreciate what you’ve done. Still, remember to always do your best to set that example daily.

Stepparent Boundaries

Adjusting to being a stepparent can be a pretty tricky task. There’s a lot of new things you’ll have to consider when adjusting to your new role. One of the hardest things you may struggle with are stepparent boundaries. As it turns out, there are a few lines which you may not want to cross…

Stepparent Boundaries

Replacing a parent

One of the major stepparent boundaries that you want to respect is your stepchildren’s other parent. Sometimes, new stepparents want to help their stepchildren adjust by being more of a “parent” rather than stepparent. This might include things such as wanting to be called mom or dad, or trying to encourage them to do things with you instead of their other parent.

However, it is very important to respect that boundary. Understand that you aren’t their biological parent, but that isn’t a bad thing. Stepparents have their own special roles that they fit in which your new stepchildren will learn to accept, and appreciate, in time. You can still be a great parent, even if they don’t call you “mom” or “dad”.

Giving out discipline

Another important stepparent boundary to respect is with regards to discipline. If you discipline your own children, you might figure that you can apply that to your stepchildren. However, doing so could severely hurt your new relationship with them, and potentially damage it permanently.

Your stepchildren are still trying to figure out who you are and if you can get along. If you begin to punish them, then their opinion on you will sour and things will just get worse. Instead, try to offer a shoulder of support, and leave discipline to your partner. Don’t forget the complex emotions they’re dealing with, and how that could be behind their actions.

Tangling with the ex

Stepparent boundaries aren’t just limited to your stepchildren. They also apply to your partner’s ex as well. As their new spouse, it can feel a bit tempting to support them when they talk to their ex. However, doing so could upset the balance that your partner and their ex have created in regards to their co-parenting. While you can offer advice to your spouse in private, don’t get engaged in their talks directly.

Phone Apps: Use Them To Cope

Technology has become pretty ingrained in our day-to-day lives. Therefore, it probably isn’t too surprising to know that there’s phone apps out there for nearly anything. In fact, you can even use these apps to help you cope with your divorce. Certain apps can be especially useful depending on what you want to do…

Phone Apps: Use Them To Cope

Improve your health

There are a large variety of phone apps out there that can help you with improving your health. Many people experience some issues with both their mental and physical health after their divorce. Therefore, it makes sense that you might want to make some improvements. That’s where apps can come in handy.

For your mental health, there are apps which can help you with positive thinking and setting goals to achieve. There’s also journal apps, which let you write down your thoughts at any time. As for physical health, there’s plenty of apps which can track your exercise, calories, and sleep to help you find the perfect balance.

Get in touch with others

Another common issue people face after their divorce is feeling isolated. As a result, you might be interested in connecting with some new potential friends, or getting back in touch with old ones. Luckily, there’s plenty of apps which allow you to do both, and in different ways.

Of course, there’s social media, which can let you find some old friends and catch up with them. Still, making new friends on these apps can be tricky, due to the more “impersonal” nature of them. However, there are also neighborhood-focused apps. These apps only include those from the local area. That way, you can get in touch with people you can easily meet in real life.

Start dating

After you’ve given yourself some time to heal and adjust to your new post-divorce life, you might be curious about dating again. These days, there’s plenty of different kinds of dating phone apps which you can make use of. These apps tend to be specifically tailored to the type of person you want to meet.

Still, it’s important to be careful when using these kinds of apps. Scammers can be pretty common on them, as well as people who are less-than-honest about who they are. Always remember that your own safety is a priority. Be wary of those who claim they can’t meet in person, or ask for a lot of personal info.