Author: Robert Reeves

Post-Divorce Checklist

Going through a divorce can be pretty tiring. Once things are over, you might you can start putting things behind you. However, there still will be things you’ll need to take care of afterwards. That’s why it helps to set up a post-divorce checklist, which can help you see what you need to take care of, and when…

Post-Divorce Checklist

Cover everything

Your personal post-divorce checklist will be centered around what you’ll need to take care of in the upcoming future. However, it’s key to not to forget anything. Some things might appear to be more important than others. Still, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t include them on your checklist.

An easy way to do this is by going through the main categories of things you’ll need to cover. For instance, this includes things such as asset splitting, financial matters, and anything related to the kids. It always helps to play it safe and write down anything you think will be important on your checklist.

Prioritize the events

Once you have everything down on your post-divorce checklist, you’ll then want to prioritize things. In order to do that, you have to look at what’s time-sensitive and what isn’t. For instance, if something is due in 7 days, versus something that’s due in 2 months, then it’s clear what should be prioritized!

Still, there might be some things you want to prioritize that don’t necessarily have a deadline. Something which falls into this category would be bank accounts. While splitting bank accounts doesn’t really have a deadline, it’s something you’ll want to do quickly for extra financial security.

Remember the small stuff

Most people think their post-divorce checklist should only focus on the big, major items for each category. However, some of those “small” things could end up becoming big deals if you neglect them. Therefore, while they might be low down on your priorities, don’t forget to get around to them!

A checklist is a great way to get things which might seem overwhelming all nice and organized. That way, you can begin to take care of these matters without it becoming too stressful to handle. This will also help you begin to achieve the new goals you set for yourself in your post-divorce life.

Divorce Indicators: Common Signals

For a lot of couples, divorce is something which catches them by surprise. This makes them try and think about if there were any tells they should’ve seen coming. In fact, there’s a handful of divorce indicators which can signal that a divorce might be on the horizon…

Divorce Indicators: Common Signals

Thinking about divorce

One of the most common and most direct divorce indicators is if you’re constantly thinking about leaving your partner. At first, this seems pretty straightforward. If you’re already thinking about splitting up, then divorce might seem like it’s a guarantee. However, many people who think like these don’t see it that way.

A lot of times, these people will put off bringing the topic up. “I’ll bring it up tomorrow” is a common occurring thought which never materializes. Still, once those thoughts begin to become more and more common, it’s in both of your best interests to take things to the next step of action.

Infidelity

Infidelity is also another one of the common divorce indicators. This applies to both you and your partner. If you begin to consider having an affair, or find your spouse is having one, then it shows that the trust in your marriage has been eroded.

Once this trust has been lost, it is very hard to repair it. Many times, it’s also an indicator of some deeper, underlying issue in the marriage. These could be problems about attention, intimacy, happiness, or just feeling valued. It’s always better to end things in your current relationship before engaging in this sort of behavior.

Constant arguments

Divorce indicators don’t just pop up out of nowhere. Often times, they start out small, and gradually become worse and worse until divorce is inevitable. Constant arguing is one of these indicators that’s like this.

At first, things might start small with some more bickering than usually. Eventually, this can involve into constant arguments over even the most trivial of issues. In fact, things can get so bad, that just the sight of your spouse makes you angry. Once things escalate to this point, the healthiest option might be to just call things off.

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Divorce is an extremely stressful event for both the people involved and their families. Due to this, it might not be a bad idea to consider divorce therapy. However, if you’ve never met with a therapist before, this can feel like a daunting task. Still, it might help you to know how exactly these professionals can help…

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Cope with emotions

Divorce is an emotional time, and sometimes those emotions can get overwhelming. This becomes very apparent if they’re negative emotions. Many times, these emotions can end up getting the better of people and negatively impact their divorce.

However, divorce therapy can help you cope with your emotions. A therapist can work with you to figure out where exactly these emotions are stemming from and what causes you to feel them. That way, you can work on strategies to keep the under control in a healthy and productive manner, and eventually work past them.

Help with the kids

Divorce therapy can also be helpful if you’re a parent. Divorce can have a pretty significant impact on your children. Due to this, many parents worry about what exactly they should or shouldn’t be doing, and what kinds of things they should look for in their children’s behavior.

A therapist can help you better understand what’s going through your kids’ heads. This is especially true if you meet up with a family therapist. These therapists help out all members of the family, and can have both you and your children work together to better understand how you each feel about what’s going on.

Build a plan for the future

One of the worst aspects of divorce is the uncertainty it brings. With the end of your marriage, the plans you used to have for the future are probably no longer possible. Many people get anxious when thinking about their new future, and are unsure of where exactly they should start to get things going again.

However, if you choose divorce therapy, then you can work with your therapist to build a new plan. The therapist can help you figure out what exactly you might be afraid of and how to get excited for the new opportunities in your life. That way, you can start to feel more confident about your life post-divorce.

Moving Post-Divorce: Make It Easier

The time after your divorce might be one full of change. One of the most common changes involves moving post-divorce. However, moves can be a bit tricky to pull off, especially after all that’s happened. That’s why there’s a few areas in particular you want to focus on…

Moving Post-Divorce: Make It Easier

Do some decluttering

Having just too much stuff is a common issue people who plan on moving post-divorce run into. It’s no surprise that the more things you have to move, the harder it’ll be to get it all taken care of. This can especially be a problem if you’re using a moving company, as they may charge you quite a bit to move all those things.

Therefore, it helps to do some decluttering. Use this time to get rid of things you don’t need or want any more. This is especially true for things related to your marriage that you want to get rid of. You can sell these things to get a bit of extra cash, or donate them so others can make use of them.

Don’t forget to clean

Not everyone really enjoys constantly cleaning up around their homes. As a result, you can imagine that those moving post-divorce into a new home especially don’t want to. Cleaning, when it feels like a near-constant occurrence, can cause a lot of stress and frustration. Still, it doesn’t have to be such a pain for you.

One way to make cleaning easier is by setting up a schedule. Pick certain spots of the house to clean each day instead of doing it all at once. That way, it won’t feel so overwhelming. Doing your cleaning this way can help keep you relaxed and your new home looking nice and tidy.

Make it your own

The trickiest aspect of moving post-divorce is making your new home feel like it’s really “your” home. After all, you might’ve just moved from a place you’ve lived at for years. Trying to make a brand new place feel the same can seem like an impossible task at first.

However, you now have the ability to really make your new home into what you want. You won’t have to worry about compromising on room designs and decorations. Take advantage of this and set your house up according to your taste, and soon it’ll feel like it should.

Emotionally Distant Children

Divorce isn’t always easy, and sometimes it can get quite messy. However, no matter how messy it gets, you want to do your best to leave the kids out of it. If not, you could end up with emotionally distant children. This is something which both of you will want to try and prevent…

Emotionally Distant Children

Knowing the signs

The changes that cause emotionally distant children can happen very quickly. As a result, it’s important to know what signs to look for. Often times, the most obvious signs are in their behavior. Your kids might stop wanting to spend time with you, or even be around you. Sometimes, it can get to the point where they refuse to even talk to you.

There can be a number of reasons as to why this happens. It might be because they were too involved in the divorce. Or, it could be that they’re struggling to process what’s happened. Still, don’t lose faith. Just because your children have started to act this way doesn’t mean you can’t stop and correct the process.

Be there for them

One way to help emotionally distant children is by making sure they know you care for them. Once they begin acting distance, the worst thing to do is get frustrated at them. This will only cause the divide to worsen. Instead, it’s important that they see you still truly do care for them.

Do your best to let your children know you love them. Always try to tell them so and that’ll you’ll be there for them. Often times, your children just need to hear the positive reinforcement to understand that things will be okay. Soon after, they tend to start warming back up to their parents again.

Don’t make it a conflict

It’s important not to use emotionally distance children as a reason to fight with your ex. Many times, they are experiencing similar situations themselves. Making it into a point of conflict when can further strain your co-parenting plans.

Therefore, avoid talking ill about your ex to your children. Doing so would just be reinforcing their negative beliefs. Also, avoid trying to “one-up” your ex by buying fancy gifts for the kids. Material items can’t really solve these more emotional conflicts.

High Conflict Co-Parenting

Divorcing on bad terms with your ex often leads to high conflict co-parenting. This type of co-parenting ends up being bad for both you, your ex, and your children. Therefore, it helps to try and work together to find some common ground and improve your parenting styles…

High Conflict Co-Parenting

Develop a fair plan

Often times, high conflict co-parenting comes about when former partners can’t come up with a fair plan. Co-parenting is all about having some kind of plan of action. This plan tends to cover things like who gets the kids on what days and the shared standard ground rules. However, many times parents try and make unfair plans which benefit them at the cost of their ex.

As a result, it’s important to work together on a fair plan. This plan needs to be something which works well for the both of you. You might have to make some compromises, but that’s always a part of making agreements. In the end, good plans make your co-parenting experience go much more smoother.

Communicate well

Another important factor in co-parenting is communication. Co-parents have to be able to talk to one another about their children. For instance, they might need to coordinate plans, make sure their ex can still take the kids, or ask if their ex can watch them as a favor. Not having that good communication tends to cause high conflict co-parenting.

One way to improve your communication is by keeping it focused on the kids. If you and your ex find that you can’t talk normally about things, then keep your topics focused on the kids. That way, you avoid talking about subjects which might end up leading to arguments.

Focus on the shared goal

The thing with high conflict co-parenting is that most times, both parents don’t want to hurt their kids. Instead, they just want to raise them in what they view as the best way possible. Therefore, instead of using co-parenting as a source of arguments, use it as a means to come together on some common ground.

Try to keep this shared goal in mind next time things get tense. You and your ex can begin to see that you both want your kids to have a happy childhood, and a good future. Putting things back into perspective can help you both start to work on your disagreements.

Common Divorce Reasons

People divorce for a wide variety of reasons. However, some reasons tend to be more common than others. These common divorce reasons can be indicators of when things are going south. Knowing these signs can help you realize when you might need to change course, or if it’s best to call things off…

Common Divorce Reasons

Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most common divorce reasons. Cheating and affairs tend to be a breaking point for a lot of marriages. For many couples, this represents a violation of trust between each partner. Once this trust is violated, it’s hard for couples to reconcile and come back together.

The reasons behind why partners cheat aren’t always so clear-cut. Sometimes, it’s due to underlying issues in the relationship, especially in regards to intimacy. Other times, it could be due to pent up frustrations, or just when a partner gives into temptation. Ultimately, it’s up to you to determine if you can work things out with your spouse, or if you want to split.

Poor communication

Communication troubles also are one of the common divorce reasons. Good communication is an important foundation for any marriage. Couples who are able to talk to one another in a healthy and productive manner tend to work out their issues both quickly, and in a way that leaves both sides happy.

However, couples with poor communication tend to struggle. They end up in constant arguments, which just get worse and worse over time. Eventually, this leads to both partners becoming fed up with each other, and many will opt for divorce to prevent things from getting even worse.

Abuse

Abuse is one of the most unfortunate common divorce reasons. Marriage, and life itself is difficult, and sadly some people take out their frustrations out on their spouses. In these situations, divorce is a means for someone to get away from their abuser.

Abuse doesn’t have to be physical. In fact, it can also be emotional, or a combination of each. Either way, any kind of abuse is something which shouldn’t be tolerated. Remember that a person’s own personal safety should take priority in any kind of relationship.

Divorce Embarrassment

Divorce can cause a lot of different emotional reactions. One of these emotions which people tend to struggle with is divorce embarrassment. Whether it be over the divorce itself or people’s reactions to it, this embarrassment can really eat a person up inside. However, it’s also something which you don’t need to go through…

Divorce Embarrassment

Feeling like a failure

For many people, divorce embarrassment comes from feeling like a failure. After all, doesn’t divorce mean that your marriage has failed? However, it’s this specific distinction that you have to keep in mind. While your marriage hasn’t worked out, that doesn’t mean that your yourself have “failed” at life.

Your divorce doesn’t have to be the “defining” moment of your life. In fact, you have a lot more life ahead of you. Plus, you can now experience all these new things without an unhappy marriage holding you back. Your divorce was just one minor bump on the road.

Social implications

Divorce embarrassment can also stem from worries about how people will react to the news. Sooner or later, you’ll have to tell others you’re getting a divorce. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone you know. But even telling your close friends or family can leave you feeling somewhat embarrassed.

However, you’d be surprised how many people these days are receptive and supportive of those they know who are divorcing. In fact, divorce is much more common these days than it used to be. Some people might react negatively, which is unfortunate. But just know these people are in the minority, and aren’t worth your time.

Setting a poor example

Divorce embarrassment doesn’t have to come from outside sources. In fact, you can get these feeling from within your own family, especially if you have kids. For some, this embarrassment comes from feeling like you’ve set a bad example for your kids about marriage.

Keep in mind that what you’re doing is actually setting a good example. You’re telling your kids that when they aren’t happy, they shouldn’t feel trapped in a bad situation. They may not understand it now, but down the line they’ll appreciate what you’ve done. Still, remember to always do your best to set that example daily.

Stepparent Boundaries

Adjusting to being a stepparent can be a pretty tricky task. There’s a lot of new things you’ll have to consider when adjusting to your new role. One of the hardest things you may struggle with are stepparent boundaries. As it turns out, there are a few lines which you may not want to cross…

Stepparent Boundaries

Replacing a parent

One of the major stepparent boundaries that you want to respect is your stepchildren’s other parent. Sometimes, new stepparents want to help their stepchildren adjust by being more of a “parent” rather than stepparent. This might include things such as wanting to be called mom or dad, or trying to encourage them to do things with you instead of their other parent.

However, it is very important to respect that boundary. Understand that you aren’t their biological parent, but that isn’t a bad thing. Stepparents have their own special roles that they fit in which your new stepchildren will learn to accept, and appreciate, in time. You can still be a great parent, even if they don’t call you “mom” or “dad”.

Giving out discipline

Another important stepparent boundary to respect is with regards to discipline. If you discipline your own children, you might figure that you can apply that to your stepchildren. However, doing so could severely hurt your new relationship with them, and potentially damage it permanently.

Your stepchildren are still trying to figure out who you are and if you can get along. If you begin to punish them, then their opinion on you will sour and things will just get worse. Instead, try to offer a shoulder of support, and leave discipline to your partner. Don’t forget the complex emotions they’re dealing with, and how that could be behind their actions.

Tangling with the ex

Stepparent boundaries aren’t just limited to your stepchildren. They also apply to your partner’s ex as well. As their new spouse, it can feel a bit tempting to support them when they talk to their ex. However, doing so could upset the balance that your partner and their ex have created in regards to their co-parenting. While you can offer advice to your spouse in private, don’t get engaged in their talks directly.

Phone Apps: Use Them To Cope

Technology has become pretty ingrained in our day-to-day lives. Therefore, it probably isn’t too surprising to know that there’s phone apps out there for nearly anything. In fact, you can even use these apps to help you cope with your divorce. Certain apps can be especially useful depending on what you want to do…

Phone Apps: Use Them To Cope

Improve your health

There are a large variety of phone apps out there that can help you with improving your health. Many people experience some issues with both their mental and physical health after their divorce. Therefore, it makes sense that you might want to make some improvements. That’s where apps can come in handy.

For your mental health, there are apps which can help you with positive thinking and setting goals to achieve. There’s also journal apps, which let you write down your thoughts at any time. As for physical health, there’s plenty of apps which can track your exercise, calories, and sleep to help you find the perfect balance.

Get in touch with others

Another common issue people face after their divorce is feeling isolated. As a result, you might be interested in connecting with some new potential friends, or getting back in touch with old ones. Luckily, there’s plenty of apps which allow you to do both, and in different ways.

Of course, there’s social media, which can let you find some old friends and catch up with them. Still, making new friends on these apps can be tricky, due to the more “impersonal” nature of them. However, there are also neighborhood-focused apps. These apps only include those from the local area. That way, you can get in touch with people you can easily meet in real life.

Start dating

After you’ve given yourself some time to heal and adjust to your new post-divorce life, you might be curious about dating again. These days, there’s plenty of different kinds of dating phone apps which you can make use of. These apps tend to be specifically tailored to the type of person you want to meet.

Still, it’s important to be careful when using these kinds of apps. Scammers can be pretty common on them, as well as people who are less-than-honest about who they are. Always remember that your own safety is a priority. Be wary of those who claim they can’t meet in person, or ask for a lot of personal info.