Blog

Exiting an Abusive Relationship Safely

Exiting an abusive relationship safely is the only way to make sure that your abuser doesn’t escalate into life-threatening behavior. An abuser’s main goal is to keep control over their victims. As a result, they make it incredibly hard for their partners to leave safely. If you are in an abusive relationship, it can be hard to even realize that you are. Knowing the signs of abuse can be helpful. It’s also important to realize that exiting the relationship is the only way to keep yourself safe. Find a support network and let them help you work out an escape plan. Hopefully, you’ll be able to get away safely and begin healing from the trauma of abuse.

Exiting an Abusive Relationship Safely: Getting Out Without Getting Hurt

Recognizing Abuse

The first step to exiting an abusive relationship is to recognize that you’re in one in the first place. While everybody is familiar with physical abuse, there are other forms as well. For example, emotional abuse can make a victim question their own decisions and confidence. Sexual abuse can involve anything from sexual assault to withholding of affection. And financial abuse makes a victim feel unable to leave their abuser because they rely on them financially. Knowing what abuse looks like can help you identify if you are in a dangerous relationship.

The Need to Get Out

It’s important to realize that exiting an abusive relationship is the only way to make sure that you stay safe. Regardless of what they say or how often they apologize, abusers do not stop abusing. They often escalate into more extreme forms of abuse. Leaving them can be dangerous too, which is why you need to have some support and a plan in place. Abusers thrive on controlling their victims, so leaving them can make them behave irrationally.

Get a Support Network

When exiting an abusive relationship, you need to make sure you have a support system in place. This could be a whole network of people or a single trusted friend. If you have family that you trust or close friends, let them know what is going on. They can help you make a plan to get out safely. They can also help you coordinate with local resources and national resources like the Domestic Violence Support Hotline.

Make a Plan

Exiting an abusive relationship can be tricky, so it’s important to make a plan. Figure out where you will go if you can get away. For example, to a friend’s house. Have a code word with your support person which means that you need help right away. Try to put away any money that you can. Document any instances of abuse in case you want to file a restraining order later. And finally, make sure that your abuser doesn’t find out about any of it. Use a public computer to do research and make sure that your support network is loyal to you.

Unfortunately, exiting an abusive relationship is the only way to ensure that your abuser doesn’t continue to hurt you. Abuse happens in many different forms, so it can be hard to even recognize it. Know the signs of different types of abuse and take note that abusers do not stop abusing. Find a support person or network and begin making a plan to get out safely. Pay attention to your partner’s schedule so that you know when you’ll have pockets of time alone. Make a plan on where you’ll go and how to get there. Hopefully, your support network can help you find resources. It’s incredibly difficult to leave an abuser. That is their goal in the first place. Rely on your support network to help you exit the relationship safely, and also to help you cope with the trauma of your abuse.

Friendly Divorce: Keep The Peace

Many people assume that divorce is filled with arguments and quick tempers. However, it is possible to pull off a friendly divorce. By doing so, it becomes a lot easier for you and your ex to remain on good terms, and further your post-divorce cooperation…

Friendly Divorce: Keep The Peace

Try to avoid rough starts

There’s a lot of different reasons as to why couples divorce. Many of these reasons tend to be pretty negative and tend to be upsetting. Due to this, it could have your divorce start out pretty rough. Therefore, if you want a friendly divorce, it’s best to avoid this from happening.

It’s understandable that your emotions will be raw, and you may feel pretty upset at your partner. However, taking those feelings out on your partner won’t make things better. Rather, it’ll just make the whole process much harder. Instead, use other means besides your divorce process to get those stronger feelings processed.

Focus on the kids

Another way to ensure a friendly divorce is by thinking about your kids. While you and your soon-to-be-ex may have your differences, you can both agree on wanting what’s best for the kids. Because of this, it helps to use this shared goal as a basis for keeping your divorce low conflict.

Plus, this is a good way for you both to work on your teamwork. For instance, you’ll want to talk about the divorce to your kids together and reassure them that things will be okay. You’ll also have to discuss potential co-parenting plans. By working with the kids in mind, it’ll help you keep the divorce peaceful.

Commit to working together

It can be hard to sort out disagreements with your spouse at first. This can be especially true if you feel like the divorce is their fault. However, remember that a friendly divorce doesn’t mean you and your ex will see eye-to-eye on everything.

Rather, it means you’re willing to work with each other on a compromise. By being willing to meet in the middle on some things, you avoid those potentially nasty arguments. This keeps things between you peaceful, and plus it also encourages more collaboration down the line.

Divorce-Related Anger

The emotions that can come with divorce aren’t always pretty. One of the more nastier ones is divorce-related anger. This anger can have a negative impact on both you and your divorce process. Therefore, it’s helpful to know how you can get this anger under control…

Divorce-Related Anger

Directing the anger

People will direct their divorce-related anger in two ways: either at one’s ex, or at themselves. For the former, this usually occurs when the person blames their ex for the divorce. In their eyes, their ex is the one who seemingly gave up on them and their marriage. Even if they propose the divorce, they’ll blame their ex for leaving them no choice.

The later choice tends to occur when someone places all the divorce blame on themselves. They feel like they should’ve done more, or didn’t do something right, and now divorce is inevitable. Despite whatever their ex tells them, they will be angry at themselves for seemingly ruining everything.

Anger Impact

This divorce-related anger can have a serious impact on one’s divorce. For instance, if you’re angry at your ex, you might be less willing to work with them. In fact, some people even try to get “revenge” through the divorce process. The most extreme cases see this happening even after the divorce is over with.

Or, you might be constantly hard on yourself. As you place all the blame on your shoulders, your mental well-being will suffer. Plus, you may not even contest whatever your ex wants from the divorce, because you feel like you “deserve” to be punished for failing.

Handling this anger

Divorce-related anger is quite common, and so there’s many ways you can work on getting a handle on it. For instance, you might want to look for healthy outlets for your anger. This could be exercise, writing, meditation, or whatever works for you.

You can also try and meet with a therapist. A therapist can help you figure out what the root cause of your anger is. That way, you can work together to improve your mental health, and better improve yourself for your post-divorce life.

Home Buying Stress: Keeping Calm

There’s a lot of different things which can cause a couple to get a divorce. Among those reasons is home buying stress. While it can be exciting, buying a new home can also add tons of financial stress which can push couples to their breaking point. However, there are some ways you can minimize that stress…

Home Buying Stress

Budget realistically

One of the biggest sources of home buying stress comes from getting a house you struggle to afford. Worrying about making payments is going to seriously stress you and your partner out. Not only that, but it’s going to also limit how much money you can spend elsewhere too. Eventually, your new home can feel like a shackle rather than something to be excited for.

Therefore, you and your partner will need to sit down and seriously make a budget. You’ll want to keep it realistic and within your means. There’s also handy calculators which you can use to get a rough estimate of what sort of price you should be looking at.

Think about downsizing

Another source of home buying stress is getting something too big for your needs. Now, at first that might seem like it’s no real issue. After all, having extra space might seem nice at first. Still, that extra space will mean a higher mortgage, as well as more costly utility bills, which all add up cost-wise and stress-wise over time.

Due to this, don’t be afraid to downsize a bit. Of course, if you have kids, that might not be possible. But if it’s just you and your partner, then you can probably make due with a bit of a smaller house. That way, you spend less overall, and reduce the stress it might bring.

Pick a good agent

A good real estate agent makes a huge difference when trying to reduce home buying stress. Trying to buy a home on your own can be very daunting. With all the paperwork involved, it’s easy to misunderstand what exactly you might be signing for. Plus, you could end up with a house that has problems you weren’t aware of.

An agent specializes in helping you find a good home for your needs. They’ll know how to handle the paperwork and negotiate to get you a better price. Also, good ones will know how to talk to inspectors and contractors to make sure your house is in good shape.

Post-Divorce Writing: Expressing Yourself

Feelings of depression are pretty common after a divorce. Shaking those negative feelings can be pretty hard. However, one thing which you might find helpful is doing some post-divorce writing. Taking some time to write can help you feel better in a few different ways…

Post-Divorce Writing

Get your feelings out

One thing post-divorce writing helps with is getting your feelings out. Aside from feelings of depression, you may also feel pretty upset, angry, or anxious. Bottling up those feelings can end up making them worse over time, before they eventually reach a breaking point. Therefore, it’s useful to have an outlet.

Writing will allow for you to have a way to get those emotions out of your body and onto paper. It might seem simple, but it actually can help quite a bit. As you continue to write, you’ll start to feel better and think clearer, and can start to work on healing.

Track your progress

Another useful thing about post-divorce writing is how you can use it to track your progress. Sometimes, people will think that they aren’t making any progress moving forwards after their divorce. This can keep them stuck in a bit of a rut, which creates a self-fulfilling cycle.

However, if you keep a journal or diary, then you’ll have some physical proof of the progress you’re making. As you fill it out, you can easily go back and see where you started and how far you’ve come. This can help give you the motivation you might need to continue making your progress.

Express your creativity

Post-divorce writing also gives you a way to express your more creative side. Many people like to try and get into new hobbies after their divorce, and the arts are definitely one of them. Writing in particular can be a type of activity you might find yourself interested in.

For instance, maybe you try to write some poetry. Or, perhaps you try writing some kind of short stories. Don’t worry about them being something others have to read. As long as you enjoy writing them, then that’s all that matters.

Co-Parenting Goals: Find Success

It can be a bit difficult to start co-parenting. To help you and your ex going in the right direction, it can be a good idea to set some co-parenting goals. These goals can help ensure your efforts result in success…

Co-Parenting Goals

Help the kids feel secure

Divorce usually causes your kids to feel a lot of uncertainty about the future. While you yourself might have a lot of questions about what’s next, your kids also will feel the same. Mainly, they might be worried about where they’ll live, or if the divorce itself was somehow their fault.

Therefore, it helps to set making the kids feel secure as one of your co-parenting goals. Having a good, consistent schedule can help them adjust to this new “normal” and feel more relaxed. Spending plenty of time with them also helps reinforce to them that you or your ex aren’t going anywhere.

Create a budget

Divorce also brings changes to one’s budget. As a co-parent, you’ll not only need to plan a budget for yourself, but also one for your kids with your co-parent. Usually, this budget involves things like major expenses, such as tuition or medical bills. That’s why this shared budget is another of the co-parenting goals to work towards.

One useful way to do this is by first meeting with your ex and going over your individual budgets. Then, you can look at what major kid-related costs you might have. By doing so, you can work on adjusting your budgets to meet your kids’ needs.

Better communication

Not all ex-couples will want to talk all the time after divorcing. Still, co-parenting will require some kind of communication between the two of you. After all, you’ll have to coordinate things like dropping or picking up the kids. Due to this, improving communication is one of the most common co-parenting goals.

A good way to do this is by keeping your conversations positive. Focus on the good things, like if the kids got good grades on a test, over negative topics. It’s also good to help keep them in the loop about any changes to your schedule which could impact your usual co-parenting plans.

Parental Conflict: Spare The Kids

Emotions usually tend to run a bit high during a divorce. However, if you have kids, you won’t want to fight with their other parent in front of them. Rather, it’s important to spare them from as much parental conflict as possible. There’s a few ways you can shield them from those heated disagreements…

Parental Conflict: Protect Your Children

Don’t fight in front of them

For starters, it’s important you keep any parental conflict away from the kids. You don’t want to have a major argument with them there. Doing so will not only scare them, but it’ll leave a lasting impression. This will make it harder for them to adjust to the divorce and process it in a healthy way.

If you come to a disagreement, you should do your best to avoid escalating things into an argument. Keep your calm and don’t engage in any name calling or yelling. Still, if you’re worried about things potentially getting heated, you should ensure your conversations take place in private somewhere away from the kids.

Don’t vent to the kids

Even if you don’t argue in front of the kids, you can accidentally get them involved in parental conflict. In particular, this could happen if you vent to them about the divorce and their other parent. Some parents might think it’s okay to do so, especially if their kids are older and say they want to help.

The reality is venting to them will put them in an awkward position. Suddenly, they’ll feel like they need to take sides, which could cause their relationship with their other parent to suffer. Instead, you should only talk about the divorce and any issue you have with your support network.

Follow the co-parenting plan

You should also make sure that any parental conflict doesn’t get in the way of your co-parenting plan. After a fight with your soon-to-be-ex, you might want to “get back” at them. One way you may do this is either by not dropping off the kids when you’re supposed too, or otherwise not following the original plan.

What this does is basically put your kids in the middle of the divorce. Now, they’re going to feel like they did something wrong, and that’s why things have gone the way they have. Doing this will also negatively impact any co-parenting plans going forward, and could even hurt your divorce goals.

Initial Months Post-Divorce: Making Changes

Those initial months post-divorce can be some of the hardest to adjust to. Going from being married to being single again isn’t always an easy task. However, there are some things you can do to make the process easier on yourself…

Initial Months Post-Divorce: How To Adapt

Stay occupied

You’ll probably notice that you have a lot of free time during those initial months post-divorce. For some, this can be a negative, as they spend this time thinking negatively about what’s happened. Rather than do other things, they’ll end up stuck in a rut feeling pretty low. One helpful way to avoid this is by keeping yourself busy.

Staying busy will help keep your mind off of the divorce. While it’s good to have days where you take some time and reflect, you don’t want everyday to be like there. Therefore, try to look for some new hobbies or activities which can keep you occupied. Plus, you’ll find that having something fun to do will encourage more positive thinking.

Have good support

It’s also good to not try and push through those initial months post-divorce on your own. After all, you probably had some help making it through your divorce. Therefore, don’t forget to keep that support going even after it’s over. Having that extra help can really help you feel better and more optimistic for the future.

Your friends and family will be an excellent source of support. They know who you are, and you know that you can trust them to look out for you. Still, if you’d like some specialized support, try meeting with a counselor or a divorce support group as well.

 Take things slowly

In the initial months post-divorce, you’ll probably have plenty of people offering their advice as to what you should do. While they may have good intentions, they won’t fully understand how you feel. As a result, you should take things slowly and do what’s best for you.

For instance, maybe some people will ask if you’ve thought about dating again. Of course, that’s not something they need to worry about. Rather, that’s something you should only do when you feel comfortable. Having that kind of mindset can help you avoid feeling “pressured” by what other people say.

Pre-Divorce Questions: Making Considerations

When you realize you’re unhappy in your marriage, divorce is probably going to cross your mind. Still, you don’t want to rush into a divorce right away. Rather, it helps to ask yourself some pre-divorce questions. These can help you see what kind of decisions you should make…

Pre-Divorce Questions: Things To Ask

“What’s bothering me?”

Perhaps the first of the pre-divorce questions to ask yourself is why exactly you’re unhappy with your marriage. For instance, is there one specific thing which is causing you to get upset? Or, are there a lot of problems which have led your marriage to deteriorate?

Once you know what’s bothering you, try to think about how you’ve addressed them with your spouse. If you haven’t, then it may be good to see if you can work on them and possibly turn things around. However, if you’ve tried and failed to fix things, then a divorce may make more sense.

“How will I break the news?”

When you’ve decided on a divorce, you’ll then need to consider how you’ll tell your partner. Breaking the news the right way is very important, especially if you want to try and make your divorce go smoothly. Telling them out of nowhere or at the wrong time can make them react much more emotionally to your plans. That’s why you should also ask pre-divorce questions regarding how you’ll tell them.

Rather, it’s ideal to tell them someplace private and when they aren’t busy. Make sure you keep your calm and don’t start accusing them or laying blame. While it’s not a guarantee that they’ll react calmly themselves, it’s much more likely to happen then if you were to tell them some other way.

“What are my future plans?”

Understandably, most of your pre-divorce questions will be about the divorce itself. Still, don’t forget to think about the future. You’ll have a whole post-divorce life that you’ll want to make sure you’re prepared for.

Consider what may change after your divorce is finished. Will you need to find a new job or house? What about your kids, if you have any? Take some time to really plan out what you’d like to do and it’ll be a lot easier to enjoy the new opportunities that come with a post-divorce life.

Stress-Free Traveling


Road trips can test the patience of any family, but stress-free traveling is possible. Whether you’re traveling with just your partner or the entire family, a long drive can put nerves on edge. Many road trips have been ruined by fighting and stress over changed travel plans. So put your best foot forward when planning a trip. Let everybody get a pick of one thing that’s important to them. Leave plenty of time for traveling. Expect changes and delays – mishaps are bound to happen. And finally, stock your car with as many emergency supplies as you can. That way you’ll be prepared for any eventuality! Hopefully, you and your loved ones can enjoy a fun and stress-free vacation.

Stress-Free Traveling: Surviving a Road Trip

Everybody Gets a Pick

Stress-free traveling is possible if you let everybody have a little say in the plans. If just one person is planning the whole trip, others might feel left out or disappointed. Before you plan your itinerary, let everybody in the family figure out something they would like to do. For example, a restaurant, a tourist stop along the way, or an activity. Make sure that each person gets to choose one important thing and try to have a good attitude about each person’s pick. This will let everybody feel like they’ve had a say in the plans.

Leave Plenty of Time

Another way to help with stress-free traveling is to leave plenty of time. Leave time for travel, time for getting ready, and extra time for unexpected stops. Running late is an easy way to get everybody incredibly stressed out. Tensions run high and it can lead to family arguments. Therefore, padding in plenty of extra time can keep things running smoothly.

Expect Changes

You should always expect some mishaps when traveling. No trip is going to be perfect! Try to be flexible and roll with the changes. There might be car troubles, bad weather, or unexpected hiccups along the way. There’s not much you can to do change it, so there isn’t much point in letting it ruin your trip. Stress-free traveling is easier if you go into a trip fully expecting some mishaps.

Prepare For Everything

Finally, stress-free traveling is a little easier to manage if you prepare for as many things as you can. If you are road tripping, make sure to have plenty of snacks and water on hand. Everybody gets grumpy when they’re hungry. Therefore, having plenty of snacks can prevent tempers from boiling over. If you have young children, pack a special new toy or activity they only get to do in the car. You can’t prepare for everything, but stocking your car with as many essentials as you can helps things go more smoothly.

Stress-free traveling is possible, even on a road trip with your entire family. It just takes a little preparation and some determination by the whole group. One bad attitude can spoil the day for everybody, so try to set expectations early. Let each member of the family pick something special that they want to do on the trip. Pad in plenty of time for delays and traffic, as running behind on schedule can lead to arguments. Anticipate that there will be mishaps and try to be flexible with changes. And finally, pack your car and prepare for as many changes as you can anticipate. Hopefully, your trip will go very smoothly. But sometimes the mishaps and sudden changes of plans can wind up being the most fun and memorable parts of vacation!