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Post-Divorce Writing: Expressing Yourself

Feelings of depression are pretty common after a divorce. Shaking those negative feelings can be pretty hard. However, one thing which you might find helpful is doing some post-divorce writing. Taking some time to write can help you feel better in a few different ways…

Post-Divorce Writing

Get your feelings out

One thing post-divorce writing helps with is getting your feelings out. Aside from feelings of depression, you may also feel pretty upset, angry, or anxious. Bottling up those feelings can end up making them worse over time, before they eventually reach a breaking point. Therefore, it’s useful to have an outlet.

Writing will allow for you to have a way to get those emotions out of your body and onto paper. It might seem simple, but it actually can help quite a bit. As you continue to write, you’ll start to feel better and think clearer, and can start to work on healing.

Track your progress

Another useful thing about post-divorce writing is how you can use it to track your progress. Sometimes, people will think that they aren’t making any progress moving forwards after their divorce. This can keep them stuck in a bit of a rut, which creates a self-fulfilling cycle.

However, if you keep a journal or diary, then you’ll have some physical proof of the progress you’re making. As you fill it out, you can easily go back and see where you started and how far you’ve come. This can help give you the motivation you might need to continue making your progress.

Express your creativity

Post-divorce writing also gives you a way to express your more creative side. Many people like to try and get into new hobbies after their divorce, and the arts are definitely one of them. Writing in particular can be a type of activity you might find yourself interested in.

For instance, maybe you try to write some poetry. Or, perhaps you try writing some kind of short stories. Don’t worry about them being something others have to read. As long as you enjoy writing them, then that’s all that matters.

Co-Parenting Goals: Find Success

It can be a bit difficult to start co-parenting. To help you and your ex going in the right direction, it can be a good idea to set some co-parenting goals. These goals can help ensure your efforts result in success…

Co-Parenting Goals

Help the kids feel secure

Divorce usually causes your kids to feel a lot of uncertainty about the future. While you yourself might have a lot of questions about what’s next, your kids also will feel the same. Mainly, they might be worried about where they’ll live, or if the divorce itself was somehow their fault.

Therefore, it helps to set making the kids feel secure as one of your co-parenting goals. Having a good, consistent schedule can help them adjust to this new “normal” and feel more relaxed. Spending plenty of time with them also helps reinforce to them that you or your ex aren’t going anywhere.

Create a budget

Divorce also brings changes to one’s budget. As a co-parent, you’ll not only need to plan a budget for yourself, but also one for your kids with your co-parent. Usually, this budget involves things like major expenses, such as tuition or medical bills. That’s why this shared budget is another of the co-parenting goals to work towards.

One useful way to do this is by first meeting with your ex and going over your individual budgets. Then, you can look at what major kid-related costs you might have. By doing so, you can work on adjusting your budgets to meet your kids’ needs.

Better communication

Not all ex-couples will want to talk all the time after divorcing. Still, co-parenting will require some kind of communication between the two of you. After all, you’ll have to coordinate things like dropping or picking up the kids. Due to this, improving communication is one of the most common co-parenting goals.

A good way to do this is by keeping your conversations positive. Focus on the good things, like if the kids got good grades on a test, over negative topics. It’s also good to help keep them in the loop about any changes to your schedule which could impact your usual co-parenting plans.

Parental Conflict: Spare The Kids

Emotions usually tend to run a bit high during a divorce. However, if you have kids, you won’t want to fight with their other parent in front of them. Rather, it’s important to spare them from as much parental conflict as possible. There’s a few ways you can shield them from those heated disagreements…

Parental Conflict: Protect Your Children

Don’t fight in front of them

For starters, it’s important you keep any parental conflict away from the kids. You don’t want to have a major argument with them there. Doing so will not only scare them, but it’ll leave a lasting impression. This will make it harder for them to adjust to the divorce and process it in a healthy way.

If you come to a disagreement, you should do your best to avoid escalating things into an argument. Keep your calm and don’t engage in any name calling or yelling. Still, if you’re worried about things potentially getting heated, you should ensure your conversations take place in private somewhere away from the kids.

Don’t vent to the kids

Even if you don’t argue in front of the kids, you can accidentally get them involved in parental conflict. In particular, this could happen if you vent to them about the divorce and their other parent. Some parents might think it’s okay to do so, especially if their kids are older and say they want to help.

The reality is venting to them will put them in an awkward position. Suddenly, they’ll feel like they need to take sides, which could cause their relationship with their other parent to suffer. Instead, you should only talk about the divorce and any issue you have with your support network.

Follow the co-parenting plan

You should also make sure that any parental conflict doesn’t get in the way of your co-parenting plan. After a fight with your soon-to-be-ex, you might want to “get back” at them. One way you may do this is either by not dropping off the kids when you’re supposed too, or otherwise not following the original plan.

What this does is basically put your kids in the middle of the divorce. Now, they’re going to feel like they did something wrong, and that’s why things have gone the way they have. Doing this will also negatively impact any co-parenting plans going forward, and could even hurt your divorce goals.

Initial Months Post-Divorce: Making Changes

Those initial months post-divorce can be some of the hardest to adjust to. Going from being married to being single again isn’t always an easy task. However, there are some things you can do to make the process easier on yourself…

Initial Months Post-Divorce: How To Adapt

Stay occupied

You’ll probably notice that you have a lot of free time during those initial months post-divorce. For some, this can be a negative, as they spend this time thinking negatively about what’s happened. Rather than do other things, they’ll end up stuck in a rut feeling pretty low. One helpful way to avoid this is by keeping yourself busy.

Staying busy will help keep your mind off of the divorce. While it’s good to have days where you take some time and reflect, you don’t want everyday to be like there. Therefore, try to look for some new hobbies or activities which can keep you occupied. Plus, you’ll find that having something fun to do will encourage more positive thinking.

Have good support

It’s also good to not try and push through those initial months post-divorce on your own. After all, you probably had some help making it through your divorce. Therefore, don’t forget to keep that support going even after it’s over. Having that extra help can really help you feel better and more optimistic for the future.

Your friends and family will be an excellent source of support. They know who you are, and you know that you can trust them to look out for you. Still, if you’d like some specialized support, try meeting with a counselor or a divorce support group as well.

 Take things slowly

In the initial months post-divorce, you’ll probably have plenty of people offering their advice as to what you should do. While they may have good intentions, they won’t fully understand how you feel. As a result, you should take things slowly and do what’s best for you.

For instance, maybe some people will ask if you’ve thought about dating again. Of course, that’s not something they need to worry about. Rather, that’s something you should only do when you feel comfortable. Having that kind of mindset can help you avoid feeling “pressured” by what other people say.

Pre-Divorce Questions: Making Considerations

When you realize you’re unhappy in your marriage, divorce is probably going to cross your mind. Still, you don’t want to rush into a divorce right away. Rather, it helps to ask yourself some pre-divorce questions. These can help you see what kind of decisions you should make…

Pre-Divorce Questions: Things To Ask

“What’s bothering me?”

Perhaps the first of the pre-divorce questions to ask yourself is why exactly you’re unhappy with your marriage. For instance, is there one specific thing which is causing you to get upset? Or, are there a lot of problems which have led your marriage to deteriorate?

Once you know what’s bothering you, try to think about how you’ve addressed them with your spouse. If you haven’t, then it may be good to see if you can work on them and possibly turn things around. However, if you’ve tried and failed to fix things, then a divorce may make more sense.

“How will I break the news?”

When you’ve decided on a divorce, you’ll then need to consider how you’ll tell your partner. Breaking the news the right way is very important, especially if you want to try and make your divorce go smoothly. Telling them out of nowhere or at the wrong time can make them react much more emotionally to your plans. That’s why you should also ask pre-divorce questions regarding how you’ll tell them.

Rather, it’s ideal to tell them someplace private and when they aren’t busy. Make sure you keep your calm and don’t start accusing them or laying blame. While it’s not a guarantee that they’ll react calmly themselves, it’s much more likely to happen then if you were to tell them some other way.

“What are my future plans?”

Understandably, most of your pre-divorce questions will be about the divorce itself. Still, don’t forget to think about the future. You’ll have a whole post-divorce life that you’ll want to make sure you’re prepared for.

Consider what may change after your divorce is finished. Will you need to find a new job or house? What about your kids, if you have any? Take some time to really plan out what you’d like to do and it’ll be a lot easier to enjoy the new opportunities that come with a post-divorce life.

Stress-Free Traveling


Road trips can test the patience of any family, but stress-free traveling is possible. Whether you’re traveling with just your partner or the entire family, a long drive can put nerves on edge. Many road trips have been ruined by fighting and stress over changed travel plans. So put your best foot forward when planning a trip. Let everybody get a pick of one thing that’s important to them. Leave plenty of time for traveling. Expect changes and delays – mishaps are bound to happen. And finally, stock your car with as many emergency supplies as you can. That way you’ll be prepared for any eventuality! Hopefully, you and your loved ones can enjoy a fun and stress-free vacation.

Stress-Free Traveling: Surviving a Road Trip

Everybody Gets a Pick

Stress-free traveling is possible if you let everybody have a little say in the plans. If just one person is planning the whole trip, others might feel left out or disappointed. Before you plan your itinerary, let everybody in the family figure out something they would like to do. For example, a restaurant, a tourist stop along the way, or an activity. Make sure that each person gets to choose one important thing and try to have a good attitude about each person’s pick. This will let everybody feel like they’ve had a say in the plans.

Leave Plenty of Time

Another way to help with stress-free traveling is to leave plenty of time. Leave time for travel, time for getting ready, and extra time for unexpected stops. Running late is an easy way to get everybody incredibly stressed out. Tensions run high and it can lead to family arguments. Therefore, padding in plenty of extra time can keep things running smoothly.

Expect Changes

You should always expect some mishaps when traveling. No trip is going to be perfect! Try to be flexible and roll with the changes. There might be car troubles, bad weather, or unexpected hiccups along the way. There’s not much you can to do change it, so there isn’t much point in letting it ruin your trip. Stress-free traveling is easier if you go into a trip fully expecting some mishaps.

Prepare For Everything

Finally, stress-free traveling is a little easier to manage if you prepare for as many things as you can. If you are road tripping, make sure to have plenty of snacks and water on hand. Everybody gets grumpy when they’re hungry. Therefore, having plenty of snacks can prevent tempers from boiling over. If you have young children, pack a special new toy or activity they only get to do in the car. You can’t prepare for everything, but stocking your car with as many essentials as you can helps things go more smoothly.

Stress-free traveling is possible, even on a road trip with your entire family. It just takes a little preparation and some determination by the whole group. One bad attitude can spoil the day for everybody, so try to set expectations early. Let each member of the family pick something special that they want to do on the trip. Pad in plenty of time for delays and traffic, as running behind on schedule can lead to arguments. Anticipate that there will be mishaps and try to be flexible with changes. And finally, pack your car and prepare for as many changes as you can anticipate. Hopefully, your trip will go very smoothly. But sometimes the mishaps and sudden changes of plans can wind up being the most fun and memorable parts of vacation!

Breaking Bad Habits After Divorce


Divorce is one of the most stressful things that a person can go through, and forming bad habits after divorce is very common. When we are stressed out, it’s easy to start relying on things like comfort food and alcohol. However, now that your divorce is final, it’s a great time to begin a fresh start. Try to put a positive spin on your divorce, and stop complaining to others. Eating healthier foods can make your body feel great. So can cutting out alcohol! And finally, when going through a divorce, it’s easy to put other things before yourself. For example, your children and their needs. However, now that things are settling back down, it’s time to focus on some self-love. Make yourself and your happiness a priority and start forming healthy habits that will make you feel great in this new stage of your life.

Breaking Bad Habits After Divorce: Getting Your Life Back on Track

The Complaining Habit

One of the bad habits after divorce that many people develop is complaining habit. It’s easy to let your divorce troubles be the main topic of conversation with friends and family. Especially if it’s a contentious one. However, now that your divorce is final, it’s time to begin to let go of your bitterness. Holding onto anger will only alienate people and hurt future relationships.

The Over-Eating Habit

Another common bad habit after divorce is over-eating. Many of us deal with stress by indulging in comfort foods. And unfortunately, these are often high in fat and calories. If you are an emotional eater, you might also have started to increase your portion sizes. Try to begin working more healthy foods into your diet. Aim to fill your plate half with veggies and fruit, a quarter with whole grains, and a quarter with healthy proteins like chicken and fish. Be mindful while eating so that you don’t continue to eat after your body tells you you’re full.

The Drinking Habit

When dealing with lots of stress, many people turn to alcohol. And this is one of the bad habits after divorce that can be difficult to break. However, drinking too much can lead to a lot of negative effects on your body, and also the rest of your life. If you feel like you are going to have trouble cutting back or getting sober, look into support groups. Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs are helpful for many people.

The Putting-Everybody-Else-First Habit

Finally, one more of the bad habits after divorce that many people resort to is putting themselves last. The stress of divorce can put self-care on the back burner. In addition, if you have children, you likely have been very focused on easing their transition through the divorce. However, now it’s time to get back to some self-care. Try to make time for yourself each day to de-stress and do something that makes you feel happy. In addition, speaking to a therapist or close friend can do wonders for your mental health. Exercise is also a great stress-reliever with many health benefits.

There are many bad habits after divorce that are easy to fall into. When you’re dealing with that much stress, it can be difficult not to relieve it in any way you can. However, now that your divorce is final, it’s a great time to start to try to break those bad habits. Begin by trying to let go of any bitterness and anger that you have about the divorce. Next, focus on eating healthy and cutting out alcohol to make your body feel much stronger and healthier. Finally, start making some time for yourself. Your mental health might have taken a hit over the last few months, so it’s time for some self-care. Hopefully, you can begin to break some of these bad habits so that you can start fresh in this new exciting chapter of your life.

Running into Your Ex at Social Events

Running into your ex at social events can be incredibly awkward, but it’s important to know how to handle these situations. It’s likely that at some point you will come across your ex-spouse at a mutual friend’s wedding or another event. In this situation, you don’t want to end up letting your drama with your ex take priority. Try to keep things short with them and don’t engage in too much conversation. Avoid heavy drinking as alcohol can often make the situation much worse. Don’t allow drama and try not to let your interaction become a focus for everybody. And finally, if you feel like you aren’t ready to be around your ex, just make a polite excuse and leave. Hopefully, you and your ex will be able to keep things civil so that you can both enjoy social events with mutual friends.

Running into Your Ex at Social Events: Avoid a Scene

Keep it Short

Running into your ex at social events can be awkward but the best thing is to just keep your interaction short. Don’t avoid them or you’ll wind up bringing more attention to your situation. Instead, acknowledge them or say hello but try not to engage in conversation. You don’t want to let things get out of hand and air your dirty laundry for other guests to hear.

Avoid Alcohol

Alcohol can make any situation more dramatic, so running into your ex at social events is not a time to drink heavily. Even if you normally feel like you are in control of your emotions around your ex, alcohol can inhibit you more than usual. Therefore, if you see your ex, make sure to keep the drinking to a minimum so you don’t elevate the problem.

Don’t Allow Drama

Running into your ex can be awkward for you both, but it can also sometimes be awkward for other guests. Especially if they know that tensions are high. However, don’t allow your interactions to become the focus of attention. Instead, acknowledge each other and act maturely by keeping things civil. Don’t air your dirty laundry for others to hear. A social event with a crowd is not the place to rehash old arguments, so just keep it brief with your ex.

Leave

Finally, if running into your ex is too difficult for you to bear, then it’s perfectly fine to leave. Your host will understand if it’s painful for you to be around your ex-spouse. Especially if the divorce is still fresh or if it was very bitter. They would probably rather you make a quick exit than stay and allow the event to turn into a showdown between you and your ex. Prioritize your mental health and make a quick getaway if you need to.

Running into your ex at a wedding or social event can be jolting, especially if you weren’t expecting to see them. Take a moment to find a calm mental space and say a quick but polite hello. Try to keep things brief with them so that you don’t begin rehashing old arguments in front of others. Avoid drinking alcohol can escalate the situation. Keep the focus on the social event instead of the drama of running into your ex. And finally, if you feel like you aren’t ready to be around your ex-spouse, then it’s fine to leave. It’s okay to prioritize your mental wellness over a social event. Hopefully, someday soon you and your ex will get a place where you can be around each other and enjoy social events with mutual friends.

How to Be Polite with an Ex After Divorce

It can be nearly impossible to be polite with an ex after divorce. Tensions are running high and there might be a lot of hurt feelings and resentment there. However, if you co-parent with them, you’ll need to figure out how to be cordial at least. Get in the right headspace before you see them and prepare yourself mentally. Have a plan before you go and stay on topic – don’t let them sidetrack you. Keep it short and sweet, the sooner you can get away the less chance of a blowup. And finally, if you are stressing about seeing them, bring a friend with you. They are less likely to create a scene if there is somebody there to watch. Hopefully, you and your ex can figure out how to co-exist in the same space. Often it just takes a little time and distance so that you both can heal from the divorce a bit.

How to Be Polite with an Ex After Divorce: Keeping Your Cool

Get in the Right Headspace

If you want to be polite with an ex, set yourself up for success. Prepare mentally before you’re going to see them. Try to listen to calming music or meet in a place that makes you feel relaxed. Don’t try to meet with them on a day when you’re already stressed. And try to allow time for the meeting so that you aren’t rushed as that can ramp up your anxiety.

Have a Plan

It’s easier to be polite with an ex if you just stay on topic. Prepare whatever you need to discuss with them ahead of time. You can even send them a quick text before your meeting outlining the things you two need to talk about. Don’t let them sidetrack you or stray off-topic. You’re more likely to get into an emotional situation if you let them take you off on a tangent.

Keep it Short

Keep it short and sweet if you’re wanting to be polite with an ex. The less time you’re around them, the less time you have to get into an argument. Get in and get out. Make plenty of time for them so that you don’t seem rushed, but try to wrap up the conversation as quickly as you can.

Bring a Friend

Finally, if you are worried that you won’t be able to be polite with an ex after your divorce, bring a friend for support. They and you will be less likely to get into an emotional confrontation if there’s somebody there to watch it all. You might not always need to bring back-up, but it can be helpful for the first few times you meet with them.

It’s difficult (and nearly impossible sometimes) to be polite with an ex after a divorce. There is usually a lot of bad blood between you. However, there are likely things that you’ll need to discuss with them eventually. And if you’re co-parenting, you’ll be coordinating with them for years to come. So it’s important to figure out how to maintain some friendliness. Get yourself in the right mentality ahead of time by starting from a calm place. Make a list of the things you need to discuss and prioritize those. Be quick and stay on point so that you don’t stray into emotional waters. And finally, if you are stressed, then bring a friend with you for some support. Hopefully, you and your ex will learn to co-exist peacefully so that running into them is not an emotional or stressful situation in the future.

Different Types of Custody Arrangements

There are several types of custody arrangements possible when parents divorce. We often think of custody as either 50/50 or one parent getting full custody. However, there are actually more options than just those two. Joint custody means that both parents have equal rights to make decisions for their children. Kids usually split their time between their parents’ houses. Sole custody means that one parent is the main caregiver. Non-parental custody is uncommon but happens if the court believes a third party is more able to care for the children than the parents. And finally, the least common is split custody. In this, siblings are split up between their parents. There are many options for custody and each case depends on the parents and children involved.

Different Types of Custody Arrangements: Common and Uncommon

Joint Custody

Joint custody is one of the most common custody arrangements. It can look different for different families. However, it means that both parents equally are responsible for their kids. Often this means that children split their time between parents and switch back and forth between their houses. The parents must make any legal decisions about the children together.

Full/Sole Custody

Full or sole custody is another custody arrangement that is somewhat common. With sole custody, one of the parents is legally responsible for making decisions for the kids. In addition, the children live with them full time. Often the other parent has visitation rights. This is more likely to happen if one parent is unfit or not capable of child-rearing.

Non-Parental Custody

One of the custody arrangements that are less common is non-parental custody or third-party custody. This happens when both parents are unfit or not able to legally care for their children. It often means that kids live with their grandparents, step-parents, or other family members.

Split Custody

Finally, split custody is a rare custody arrangement to be awarded. Many people mistakenly use the term when they actually mean shared or joint custody. But it actually means something very different. In split custody, siblings each live with a separate parent. The court doesn’t usually decide on split custody, because most people believe that siblings should stay together. However, in rare cases, this type of custody might happen. It is more common if the children go to different schools, and have a large age gap, special needs, or disciplinary issues.

While there are many different types of custody arrangements, the most common one in our country is joint custody. Most courts feel that it’s important for children to have both of their parents in their lives making decisions for them together. However, in some situations, one parent might have sole custody. It’s less common, but sometimes children go to live with non-parental guardians in a third-party arrangement. And finally, the least common is split custody, where siblings are split up between parents. Divorce is difficult for everybody, including kids. It’s important that the arrangement be whatever is best for the well-being of the children. If you are going through a divorce, hopefully, you will find the arrangements that work the best for you and your family.