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Court Attire: Dress for Success

It only takes 1/10th of a second for someone to form a first impression. This means it’s important to make as good of a first impression as possible. This is especially true in court, where the impression you give can have lasting effects on the outcome of your case. Having the proper court attire goes a long way in making that first impression on the judge a good one…

Court Attire: Dress for Success

Keep it classy

Everyday clothing has become much more relaxed these days than in the past. The rise of business casual dress codes also means that some people are unaware of what “normal” business attire should consist of. This can translate to potentially unprofessional court attire.

You’ll want to approach dressing for court like dressing for a job interview. For men, this means collared shirts, dress pants, and ties. For women, dresses, skirts and blouses, or dress pants and tops will work. Make sure they are simple with no crazy designs or colors as well. 

Tattoos and piercings 

Tattoos and body piercings have also become much more common these days. However, how do they apply when thinking of court attire? What would be considered appropriate versus crossing the line? It really comes down to finding the best way to mix looking professional versus expressing yourself.

You’ll probably want to wear clothes that’ll cover your tattoos as best as possible. You’ll also want to take out any “unique” piercings like nose or lip ones. Additionally, if you have colored hair, make sure to dye it to a natural color for your court appearance. This shows the judge you’re going the extra mile to be professional in their courtroom. 

It’s all about respect

Proper court attire all comes down to showing respect for court and the judge. If the judge sees that you’re putting in the effort to treat your case seriously, then it boosts your credibility. Dressing properly isn’t a guarantee of success, of course; it just means you’re starting off on the right foot. 

Dressing is just one part of the full courtroom experience. You’ll also need to make sure you’re aware of proper courtroom etiquette. Having both perfected will let you and your lawyer focus on the case at hand rather than any distractions. 

Partner Unhappiness: Potential Indicators

Actions tend to speak louder than words. This is especially true in marriage. Your partner’s behavior can tell you how they might truly feel, even when they say nothing’s wrong. Being aware of these indicators can help you notice and address potential partner unhappiness…

Partner Unhappiness: Potential Indicators

Not spending time together

If your partner isn’t spending as much time with you as they used to, then it might be a sign of partner unhappiness. They may be spending more and more time with friends than with you. They could also be putting more time in at work rather than coming home. 

While it is important to let your partner have time to themselves, it shouldn’t result in them having no time with you. In this case, you become less of a priority than you should be. This can be a telltale sign that something is making your partner unhappy when they’re with you.

Emotionally withdrawn 

Another early indicator of partner unhappiness is if they become emotionally withdrawn. Generally, you’d expect for you and your partner to be honest with each other. You’d want to talk about how they are, how their day was, etc.

However, your partner may be more and more distant when talking about these things. They might not even ask you how you are anymore. This lack of interest is a warning that something is making your partner unhappy.

Lack of patience 

A sudden shift in temperament can also be a sign of partner unhappiness. If your normally cool-headed partner gets a shorter temper, then something is bothering them.This change in patience could be because they’re unsure about your relationship.

They Start Nitpicking

Originally, your partner may have found the things you did cute. However, they might’ve started nitpicking more and more. You might feel like there’s nothing you can do that won’t result in nitpicking. 

This could be because of their own unhappiness. Nitpicking is a way for your partner to get out their frustration without addressing it directly. Instead of talking about their problems, it’s easier for your partner to shut you down. 

What to do

It can be difficult to feel loved by your partner when they begin acting in these ways. Sometimes, they might just need space to process their feelings if they’re in a rough place. You can also try and suggest relationship counseling to them as way to work out their issues. Do your best to make things work, but remember: your own happiness should always come first. 

New Year Post-Divorce: Going Into It Right

With the new year beginning, it’s the perfect time to get your new life post-divorce established. However, you might not be sure about where to start. It’s true that there is a lot to consider when starting your new year post-divorce, but there’s plenty of ways to get started…

New Year Post-Divorce: Going Into It Right

Make sure to process your divorce fully 

It’s understandable to be eager to move on from your divorce in your new year post-divorce. This is especially true if things didn’t go the way you wanted. However, you shouldn’t push yourself  to move on before you’re ready too. Instead, you’ll want to give yourself the time you need to grieve properly. 

If you don’t give yourself the time to process your divorce now, then you won’t be able to move on from it properly. This can complicate the things you want to accomplish in the new year. It’s best to take that time now to fully process your emotions rather than having them always bother you down the line. 

Figure out who you want to be

Figuring out who you want to be is a key to starting your new year post-divorce right. Remembering who you used to be before your divorce and marriage is a good way to rebuild who you are. It’s important, however, to not get caught up in just remembering. 

In order to become a better you in the future, you can’t get caught up in the past. Divorce gives you a clean slate to start your new life with. You’ll have a lot of power to make new life decisions for yourself going forward. Figure out what you’d like to change or improve, and use that as a start to become who you want to be. 

Explore new things and places

When you were married, you had to compromise. You had to put off going to places you wanted to go because your ex didn’t. You didn’t do things you liked if you knew your ex hated them. 

Now, with your new year post-divorce starting, you have the ability to do these things and much more. Figure out the things you want to do or places you want to see and write them down. They don’t have to be anything crazy; after all, it’s your list. Use your new year as the opportunity to make as many of these goals of yours come true and really enjoy yourself. 

The start of a new year after your divorce can be the change to truly take your life in a new direction. Doing the things you want and becoming the person you’ve wanted to be will help you see that your divorce isn’t the end of the world, but rather the chance to really start living again.

Hidden Divorce Costs: What To Watch For

Divorce can be a costly process. Most couples will expect this to be due to things like legal fees and might make plans on how to keep costs down. However, there are some hidden divorce costs which can sneak up on you. To help make sure your divorce doesn’t break the bank, here are a few expenses to be aware of…

Hidden Divorce Costs: What To Watch For

New tax payments

When married, you can file your income taxes as married filling jointly. This lets you generally pay the least amount of taxes. However, you’ll have to go back to filing as a single person again once you’re divorced. This means you’ll end up paying more taxes than you might be used to. 

This is one of those hidden divorce costs which you might not consider until tax season is fast approaching. The new tax bill might also lead to more tax costs than you’d expect. Speaking to a tax specialist can help you figure out what exactly your new costs might be. 

Real Estate Costs

If you have to sell your house after your divorce, you can encounter some hidden divorce costs in the way of realtor fees and closing costs. You’ll also have to consider any repair costs to the house as well. Furthermore, if you’re selling in a bad market, you could end up with getting less for your house than you originally thought. 

You may run into unexpected costs even if you keep the house. If you have to buy out your spouse’s interest in the house, you’ll have to get appraisals on it’s worth. Also, you’ll have to consider refinancing your loan if both you and your spouse were on the loan beforehand. 

Health Insurance 

Most married couples will share one insurance policy due to it’s lower costs. Of course, when you’re divorced, this’ll end. Most insurers will not continue to cover you through your spouse’s policy once you’re divorced. This means you’ll have to plan on getting your own policy once the divorce is over. 

Employment Searching

Getting back into the workforce can bring its own set of hidden divorce costs. You may need updated certifications or education to match the new workplace standards. While this can lead to higher paying jobs down the line, it’ll still cost money now. 

You’ll also have to consider updating your wardrobe to prepare for interviews or workplace dress codes. Plus, you’ll have to consider travel costs to get to and from work. This may mean setting aside money for public transport, gas, or even a new car if necessary. 

Divorce costs can creep up when you least expect them. Being aware of the more hidden ones can help make sure your finances stay in order during this potentially stressful time. 

Relationship Counseling: When Is It Time?

When couples think of relationship counseling, their minds might go into panic mode. For some, counseling is a sign that their relationship is doomed to fail. Others might see it as a waste of time that doesn’t work. However, being proactive about fixing your relationship is the key to making it work.

Relationship Counseling: When Is It Time?

Avoiding the “point of no return”

Most couples like to think that they can handle their issues on their own. After all, it’s their relationship; they don’t need “outsiders” to get involved, right? However, what this means is that couples will try to fix things alone until they can’t anymore. In effect, they cross the point of no return without even realizing it. 

To avoid crossing this point, it’ll require some humility and willingness to put pride aside. So what if someone else helps you with your relationship? What’s important is that you’re taking steps to fix things. In the end, willing to accept you need help is a much smaller price to pay than potentially losing your entire relationship.

Being proactive

In life, you’re generally encouraged to be proactive about the essentials. You go to the doctor for check-ups, you go to the mechanic for tune-ups, etc. So why not be proactive about your relationship? Instead of letting things build up, why not take the same kind of proactive approach here as well?

Of course, that doesn’t mean you need to go to relationship counseling for every disagreement. There’s a fine line between “normal” arguments versus unhealthy ones. Ultimately, it’ll take some self-reflection through your own sense of happiness and beliefs to know when that threshold has been passed. If things escalate too far, however, then you might want to reevaluate your relationship as a whole.

What really is counseling?

On paper, relationship counseling is a way for you and your partner to address your issues together. You both can figure out what is the root of your problems and get strategies for how to fix them. You’ll learn what each of you need and how to best fulfill those needs. 

However, it’s also a call to action. It’s a way for you and your partner to learn and grow in a way that will also help your relationship. It’s not an admission of failure, but rather a way to say “we are worth it”. Relationship counseling is a small investment to make to preserve your relationship, and is worth putting aside one’s pride for. 

Wanting Children: My Spouse Changed Their Mind

One of the central topics for most married couples, is when will you begin having kids? The general population just seems to assume that every couple will eventually procreate, and build a family of their own. Maybe this has always been something that’s very important to you, and you could never see yourself not becoming a mother/father. However, lately, your spouse has begun to shift their opinion on children. Suddenly, you’re feeling blindsided, and heartbroken, at the thought of not creating your own family. After all, you can compromise on a lot as a couple, but wanting children (and not wanting children) is a tough issue to make both parties happy on. So, what do you do? How do you address an issue that is so large, and overcome it together? 

Wanting Children: My Spouse Changed Their Mind

As we’ve mentioned briefly above, this is an issue that can be hard to find compromise on. After all, you’ve always pictured yourself with a family. Maybe two kids, three, four, or more. You’ve pictured family dinners, building traditions with your spouse and children… We often have large expectations for our future, and kids are a common goal for adults and married couples. So, when it seems like the tide has shifted, it can be a hard issue for couples to overcome. 

Childhood experiences often affect us in different ways 

As we get older, we begin to see our past in a different light. We understand things differently, feel experiences differently, and it helps us to make these big decisions. Maybe your spouse always considered having children, but over time— they considered a few different factors and put the idea to bed. Maybe finances aren’t what they had hoped, maybe illness runs in the family, or maybe they just don’t feel like they’ll ever be ready. No matter the reason, when one of you is wanting children— and the other has lost their desire, it can be hard to reach an end that everyone will be fully happy with.

Where do we go from here? 

When your spouse comes to you with the news that they no longer want children, your future may begin to feel a little lonely. After all, you had big plans, and likely were hoping to start reaching that future sometime soon. So, the first step is obviously to communicate with your spouse. Consider the fact that they did want kids sometime before, and now they don’t. 

Address their concerns, see if their holdup is an issue that you can tackle together, and express your feelings on the matter. You never know if they’re just doubting their abilities, their family line, or the relationship itself. By communicating over these issues, you can decide together whether or not you’ll be able to overcome this issue 

If you both are not willing to give… 

You know, and have always known, that you will be a mother/father someday. So when your spouse decides otherwise, and is firm in that decision, you have to make a choice… Ultimately, you have to decide what’s more important to you: creating a family, or your spouse. By addressing your concerns, and reaching a decision with your spouse, you will likely also come to a decision on your marriage as a whole. 

We wish you luck in this difficult time. Furthermore, we offer our condolences for the hardship, and extend our services if you find that you may need them. 

Birds Nest Agreement: Will it Work for Me? 

When it comes to child custody, every family has their own ways of making it work. From swapping weekends, holidays, christmases, pick ups, and so forth— you each have things that make your agreement unique. One of the most jarring things about child custody swaps, is moving your child from one home to another on a regular basis. For some families, this just doesn’t feel like the right way to do things. Therefore, a certain agreement, called the birds nest agreement, has become popular for many families. So, we’re going to break it down for you, and help you decide whether this is just the move your family has been looking for. 

Birds Nest Agreement: Will it Work for Me? 

What is a birds nest agreement? 

A birds nest agreement is where you have one home for the each of you: one for Mom, Dad, and Child. In a birds nest agreement, the two parents will swap off time spent in the ‘birds nest’ when it’s their time for custody. In short, whoever has the custody time, will be in the house while the other parent will stay in their respective home. Each member has their own home, and both parents share the responsibilities of the third home. 

What is negative about this? 

Of course, the idea of having a third dwelling seems, and absolutely is, extremely costly. You have to maintain three rents/mortgages. In short, this option isn’t necessarily cost-efficient for anyone involved. 

Furthermore, this agreement can also seriously hinder a new relationship if you’re in one. You aren’t in your own home for half off the time, you share a space with your former spouse, and your time is more divided than it would be in any other situation. However, if this is important to you, it’s just another bump along the way for your relationship. 

However, there are plenty of positives

One: you solve the biggest issue for divorced parents, going back and forth between pick ups and drops offs. Your kid doesn’t have to shuffle their belongings, school work, and themselves between one home and the other. This option is stable, and skips some of the hardest things about a child custody agreement. Communication can be easy to maintain through a common calendar, white board, or other things throughout the house. 

All in all, it’s an expensive, yet stable option 

This type of agreement has it’s fair share of ups and down— as does any agreement. Ultimately, this would be a really nice option for anyone who has the financial ability to do so, and the flexibility to move from spot to spot on a regular basis. Every custody agreement is different, and each family needs something different— which makes this a viable option.

Adult Children of Divorce: Why They’re Angry 

A common term for late-in-life divorcees, is ‘gray divorce’. This essentially means that once your kids have flown the coop, started families of their own, and started their respective lives— you decide to get that divorce you’ve always considered. Many parents put off divorce as a means of keeping their family together, and keeping their kids happy. However, what you’ll learn as adult children of divorce— is that it’s never too easy to understand. Adult children of divorce deal with the separation in their own way, and even though they’re adults—their feelings are still valid. 

Adult Children of Divorce: Why They’re Angry 

Your marriage was their model 

One big issue that many adult children of divorce run into, is that they used your marriage as a model for success. Chances are, if you two held it together this long— you are selfless, loving, compassionate people who (on the surface) made a great image for your children to follow. They likely took from you in creating a marriage, a home, and a foundation for their own families. So, when they see your marriage unraveling, it can make an adult child second guess their own marriage, and the values they hold dear to it. 

They feel conflicted 

As an adult child of divorce, you might feel as if you aren’t allowed to mourn this loss. After all, you have a family of your own now, a marriage of your own— but they’re still your parents. You’ve never known them to be any different than together, and happy. However, this new era is approaching an you don’t know how you feel about it. This is completely normal, as this time is jarring for anyone involved. The best thing a divorcing parent can do, even at this age, is withhold all of the anger, hurt, and feelings from your children. You don’t want to change their opinions of each parent. Some things do not change from one age to the next. 

Don’t let these things deter you from doing what needs to be done 

Your kids, at any age, will feel the effects of your divorce in one way or another. While we hate to subject our children to hardship, in this case, it is necessary. You have to live your life in an authentic, peaceful way— and you can’t do that in an unhappy marriage. While gray divorce often receives it’s now category, the reasoning behind it is no different.

Avoid Messenger Madness: Keeping your Child out of the Middle 

When going through a divorce, it can be difficult to try and have those hard conversations, or even a normal one, with your to-be former spouse. For this reason, many divorcees will find themselves using their children as a means of passing along a message. It could be simple, or it could be malicious. No matter the reason, or the message, it’s important to understand that using your child as a messenger during divorce can be damaging in a number of ways. Therefore, it’s vital that you and your soon to-be ex (STBX) establish healthy lines of communication that don’t involve your children….

Avoid Messenger Madness: Keeping your Child out of the Middle 

The first thing we need to establish is that using your child as a messenger during divorce is inappropriate. As we’ve said, no matter the message, your child is not a party of this divorce. Your children are not meant to pick sides, be involved in nasty conversations, or aware of any wrongdoings. As parents, we want to make sure our children are receiving as little damage as possible in this difficult time. The conflict of a divorce is high, and difficult for everyone involved. Therefore, adding the unnecessary discomfort of delivering a message can cause issues for your child. 

Messages misconstrued 

I’m sure, at some point in your life, you’ve played the game ‘telephone’. You sit in a line, someone whispers a message down the line. By the time that message comes out the other side— it’s entirely different than what was said by the first person. Think of using your child as a messenger in a similar fashion. While their intentions are pure, and the message may be as well, it’s easy to lose track of a message from start to finish. These messages can cause conflict, missing deadlines, anger… 

Create a healthy space for exchanging messages 

Lastly, the best thing you can do with your STBX, is to create a method for passing messages along. Something different might work for you than for someone else. Maybe you’re okay with texting, emailing, Facebook messaging…. whatever your method may be— find a space that works for the two of you, and make that your primary source of communication. By finding a common space, you can pass along messages, appointments, documents… all forms of communication. By taking this route, you keep your kids out of it, and you keep yourselves organized. 

Being a Better Parent: Viewing Divorce as a Positive for Kids

No one plans to become a divorced parent when they starting having children. After all, most people decide to have children at a rather joyous point in their life or, even, at a time when they feel like their marriage needs a savior. However, after having your children, you and your spouse come to the decision that a divorce is what’s best for everyone. Inevitably, as a parent, you will begin to fear what divorce means for your children. You will likely automatically begin to think about the negatives when considering parenting with your spouse through, and after, a divorce. However, there are plenty of ways that divorce can make you a better parent …

Being a Better Parent: Viewing Divorce as a Positive for Kids

The idea that putting your children through a divorce can be good for them, might seem a little counterintuitive. While a divorce is never easy for anyone involved, the outcome can be if you go about it in a healthy way. Think about it: If you’re marriage is in the kind of shape that requires a divorce for you both to be happy, then your marriage isn’t really benefiting your children anyways. Therefore, a divorce might give you both the kind of freedom, and improved outlook, that you need to be a great parent. 

You can better align your values to your parenting style 

When you’re living in a marriage that is unhealthy, and considering divorce— you’re likely lying to your children in some regard. Or, you’re at least living in a way that is contrary to the morals you teach. We always tell our children to be truthful to the people they care about. But, when you’re considering a divorce, you often try to portray the normal, every day relationship you have with your spouse. While this is for your childrens’ sake, it’s also inauthentic. 

Your children get to understand you better as parents and people

When telling your children about your divorce, you have to get pretty honest, pretty quickly. There are some aspects of your divorce that will remain between spouses. However, there is also a lot of explaining that you’ll have to do when it comes to your kids. By sharing the divorce with them, and having an open discussion as a family, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of eachother, and the divorce itself. This part of the process can be particularly therapeutic, shocking, and difficult to make it through. However, it is necessary. 

You’re teaching your children how to be strong, to rebuild, and to make the best of a bad situation 

Your children will likely be upset for a while in one way or another. But, eventually they will come around and begin to better understand the world around them. A divorce is difficult. But, often, the year or two afterwards can be even more difficult. You’re reorienting your life, learning how to run a household by yourself, and becoming financially self-sufficient. Making this transition can be hard. Especially if you were the homemaker in your marriage. However, it’s a test of wills, strength, and courage that your children will be party to. 

Becoming a better parent post-divorce can have a different meaning than it does when you’re married. You have to do the tough stuff, be good cop and bad cop, and handle a difficult situation with grace. No one said you have it easy. But, you do have the most rewarding job in the world, and a new lease on life…