fbpx

Category: Divorce

Covid-Related Divorce

Now that the Covid-19 epidemic is passing, we are still understanding the deep effects it had on society, like the Covid-related divorce rate. The pandemic was incredibly stressful on relationships of all kinds, but especially marriages. The uncertainty of the sickness mixed with quarantine protocols created a lot of anxiety for households around the world. If you are still feeling the effects of the pandemic, it’s time to begin moving on with your marriage. Build back and re-strengthen it so that if there is another life-changing event, you’ll be even more prepared in the future.

Covid-Related Divorce: Why the Pandemic Was Hard on Marriages

Why Covid Was Tough on Marriage

There are several reasons why there was an uptick in Covid-related divorce during the pandemic. First of all, many couples faced a lot of fear and uncertainty about their health. The political strife that accompanied the epidemic was also a source of controversy for many families.

Effects of Quarantine

Quarantine also had a large effect on Covid-related divorce rates. Many states went into lockdown, meaning that couples were no longer able to be around friends or family. And for many parents, this meant homeschooling and a lack of daycare. Being stuck together around the clock can put a lot of pressure on a relationship. And many couples faced stress because of their home-work-childcare balance is completely out of sync.

Getting Back on Track

If your marriage took a hit during the pandemic, you aren’t alone. Covid-related divorces are quite common, and even couples that made it through the pandemic together probably faced some stress. Now is the time to work on building back that relationship. Seek out counseling for any unresolved conflict, and try to take some quality time for yourselves.

Strengthening Your Marriage

While none of us want to think about the possibility of another pandemic hitting, chances are, this won’t be the last epidemic. Make sure that your marriage can withstand another stressful event by putting in the work now. The more you lay a strong foundation for your relationship, the better off you will be when tough times hit. For example, work on communication and conflict resolution. Tackle things like sharing the mental load of parenting. And find time to connect to one another without distractions.

While we are still reeling from the after-effects of the pandemic, we know that Covid-related divorce is an unfortunate reality for many couples. The pandemic was tough on everybody as we watched the entire world we know to shut down and change. And quarantine protocols put even more pressure on family units. Many couples saw an increase in conflict and stress in their marriage. Especially parents who were facing things like school shut-downs, daycare closings, and home-schooling. If your marriage is still feeling the after-effects of Covid, now is the time to try to rebuild your relationship. Hopefully, that way, you’ll be even more prepared in the future to face obstacles together as a team.

How-to Heal From a Bad Relationship

Real life relationships are not like the ones in the movies. While sometimes they can feel close, they are not always blissful and perfect. Relationships require hard work, patience and love. Although most relationships have more positive moments than bad ones, some are really toxic. Where it’s a bad dating relationship or an unhealthy marriage, these are the kind of relationships that you do not need to stay in. Yet somehow, they can be the most difficult to get out of. At times, it may seem impossible to heal from a bad relationship, but know that with a little hard work and time, it can happen.

How-to Heal From a Bad Relationship: Recovering and Moving On

Grieve

First off, know that it is okay to be sad. Good relationship or bad relationship, you are still loosing something that was a part of you. Releasing those emotions will help you be able to start to heal from a bad relationship. Do not be ashamed to talk to someone about how you are feeling. Grieving is a healthy part of moving on to new, better things.

During this process, and likely later on too, you may start to question if you made the right decision. This is normal as well. Confront all of your doubt. Know that you ended the relationship for a reason. No matter what, do not reach back out to your ex, even though you may be tempted to. It will only cause you more pain, or even get you sucked back into the toxic relationship again. You deserve to be in a happy, healthy relationship.

Self Care

Do not beat yourself up for the choices you made or for getting into that relationship in the first place. Give yourself grace in order to heal from a bad relationship. Practice self-care and be kind to yourself. Know that this relationship does not define you. Spend time with friends and loved ones. This may mean having to reconnect with people that you have severed a relationship with, since unhealthy relationships can sometimes lead to broken bonds.

Remember the things you enjoyed before the relationship that you may have given up during the relationship. These could be great things to get back involved with. You may also decide to try something new. This could lead you to find something new and exciting that you enjoy, and take your mind off your bad relationship.

How-to Start to Heal From Verbal Abuse

While no relationship is perfect, there is a point where a relationship can turn abusive. Many people think of abuse as only being physical violence, but abuse can be verbal as well. Verbal abuse can be very painful and detrimental to the person experiencing it, and the relationship as a whole. It can be difficult to leave any relationship, even a bad one. Do not stay in an abusive relationship. While it may take a lot of time and support, you can start to heal from verbal abuse in a relationship. Know you can come out stronger, happier and healthier on the other side.

How-to Start to Heal From Verbal Abuse: Recovering from an Abusive Relationship

Cut Ties

The first step to start to heal from verbal abuse in a relationship is to cut ties with your ex. Some people think they need to stay in contact with their ex. You probably know that you should not contact them, yet for some reason you want to. This could be because you want to show your ex you are better off without them. It also may be because you feel you need to offer them forgiveness. However, in this situation, it is important to cut all contact with them. You do not want to fall back into the same bad relationship cycle again.

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, it’s difficult to feel closure until you have cut all ties with your ex. Good steps to take are deleting their number from your phone and stop following them on social media. This will keep you from reaching out to them on a whim. If you do feel the desire to contact them, find ways to distract yourself. For example, go for a walk, call a friend, or do whatever you can to get your mind off of contacting them.

Process Your Emotions

Anything we go through something traumatic in our lives, we experience strong emotions. It is not surprising that starting to heal from verbal abuse can be an emotionally challenging process. You may feel low self-esteem, depression, anger or isolation. You may even miss your ex. Work through these emotions in a healthy way. Write in a journal, cry, scream, go for a run or find an activity that allows you to mentally and physically process your emotions.

Seek Support

When going through a tough time, it is important to have a good support network when. This could be a combination of friends, family, and a councilor. You will want to surround yourself with people you can talk to without fear of judgment. Oftentimes, people in abusive relationships isolate themselves from others. Reconnect with your friends and family to be surrounded by a loving support group. Additionally, find a therapist who specializes in domestic violence. They will be able to work through the recovery process and help you move forward with your new life as you heal from verbal abuse.

How-to: Update Your Estate Plan After Divorce

There are many things you will need to change and update if you get a divorce. For one, your will and estate plan will surely look different after a divorce. While there will be a lot of things on your plate, you will not want to forget to update some very important documents. These include your will, living trust, power of attorney documents, and your beneficiary designations. Learn how to update your estate plan after divorce.

How-to: Update Your Estate Plan After Divorce- Changes to Make

Will

If you want to update your will, the best way to do so is to make a new one and revoke your old one. You can revoke an old will by destroying it by means of shredding it or burning it. Another option would be to just make a new will and state in it that you are revoking your previous one. While divorce itself should divert any of your assets away from your ex, their portion will be given to another beneficiary. You should check into this, because the alternative beneficiary may not be who you want your assets to go to. The best thing to do is make a new, updated will based on your current wishes.

You can also state who you would like to take custody of your kids if both you and their other parent were to pass away. If you alone were to pass away, the other parent would likely get custody of your kids. If you want to contest this, you will need to indicate in your will the reasons that their other parent is not fit to raise them. This would at least be taken into consideration by a judge in the event of your death.

Living Trust

You should also update your trust as part of your estate planning after divorce… You will likely need to update some of the languages in your trust. Also, you will need to decide who you want each part of your trust to go to upon your death. Trust can cover things like bank accounts, IRAs, 401(k)s, 403(b)s, pensions, and more. By designating the trust to go to your minor children, you could prevent your ex from being able to control their assets.

Update Beneficiaries

It is likely that your ex is the beneficiary on most or all of your financial accounts. When you update your estate plan after divorce, you will want to consider changing this unless you still want your ex to get these accounts. If you have a new, updated trust, you can make the trust your beneficiary. This is especially helpful if your kids are minors. Otherwise, if you just directly put your minor children as a beneficiary, a court-appointed guardian will get it first. This court may choose your ex-spouse to be their guardian.

It is common for you to have to split your retirement accounts as part of a divorce. Usually, this is because they are marital property. Therefore, you may not be able to change who is the beneficiary on these accounts.

Navigating a High-Conflict Divorce

A high-conflict divorce can be incredibly taxing and stressful for everybody involved. Divorce is often contentious, but some are more explosive than others. If you are going through a very stressful divorce, it can be helpful to seek the advice of professionals. Having an experienced team around you to help you navigate the emotional and legal aspects of the situation can help you feel more in control. It can also help to practice calming techniques to reduce your anxiety. Finally, there are some tactics you can use when interacting with your ex that might be able to help keep things a little calmer. Hopefully, you’ll be able to finalize your divorce quickly and begin the process of healing and moving on.

Navigating a High-Conflict Divorce: Reducing Stress and Calming the Waters

Contributing Factors

Many things can contribute to high-conflict divorce. Sometimes, spouses let spite and resentment control the situation, rather than reason. If you or your ex are making decisions just to hurt the other, things will likely escalate. Child custody issues can also increase the tension in any divorce proceeding, especially if you feel that your ex is not a suitable caregiver. And of course, emotions can also run high if there is infidelity.

Seeking Professional Help

If you are going through a high-conflict divorce, surrounding yourself with experienced professionals can help you feel like you’re more in control. For instance, a mediator can help you settle issues outside of court. An attorney can help you fight for what you deserve with your settlement. And therapy can help you manage your stress levels and begin the healing process.

Calming Techniques

Calming techniques can help you settle down if you are going through a high-conflict divorce. Practice breathing exercises like deep breathing, mentally counting, or a 4-7-8 breath. Meditation, journaling, and yoga can all help you feel calmer at the end of the day. And finally, getting exercise, taking time for yourself, and getting outside some each day can also help you reduce stress.

Reducing Conflict

Finally, there are some tactics you can use to reduce the tension in a high-conflict divorce. For example, improving your communication skills with your ex can be helpful. Speaking from your perspective about how you feel rather than accusing your spouse can go a long way. Additionally, communicating in writing can help you organize your thoughts and prevent you from saying things in the heat of the moment that you’ll regret later. Finally, it’s helpful to prioritize the things that are most important to you with your settlement and let the rest go. Don’t get hung up on petty arguments, but instead, focus on the bigger picture.

High-conflict divorce is difficult for anybody to handle. While every divorce is stressful in its way, particularly contentious ones can leave you feeling quite shaken. Tensions might run high because of several factors, like custody disputes, infidelity, or simply a conflict of personalities. Enlist the help of qualified professionals like mediators, attorneys, and therapists to help you navigate these tricky waters. Use calming techniques like exercise or journaling to help you clear your head. And finally, try to calm tensions by improving communication with your ex and learning to compromise. While no divorce is fun, some can be draining. Hopefully, you can get the settlement you deserve and begin to move on quickly.

Common Triggers for Divorce

People divorce for many different reasons, however, there are some common triggers for divorce that tend to break couples up more often than others. For example, infidelity can quickly lead to a lack of trust between partners. Many couples end up choosing divorce because their relationship is stagnant, or because they realize that they are going down different paths in life. Money issues are another common reason for stress in a marriage. And finally, some couples decide to divorce because of a lack of intimacy. If you and your partner are experiencing any of these struggles, the best thing you can do is establish clear communication with one another. Marriage counseling can be hugely beneficial. Hopefully, you’ll be able to navigate these hurdles and make your relationship even stronger.

Common Triggers for Divorce and How to Navigate Them in Your Marriage

Infidelity

One of the most common triggers for divorce is cheating. Affairs often happen because couples stop communicating with one another or begin seeking solace outside of their relationship. The best way to avoid this is to establish clear and honest communication from the start of your marriage. Letting your partner know your needs both emotionally and physically can help you avoid turning outside of your marriage to fill them. It’s also important to keep putting effort into your relationship and to show appreciation for your partner.

Stagnation

Another common trigger for divorce is simply stagnation. Couples begin to grow apart or realize that their values are changing. Sometimes, they find that their visions of the future no longer align. If you and your partner are experiencing this, it’s helpful to speak to a therapist and work together to figure out if you can find common ground.

Money Woes

Money struggles are another of the most common triggers for divorce. Finances are a stressful topic for everybody, and going through rough patches with money can really put a strain on your relationship. Being honest and open about finances can help you tackle money struggles together. Work with one another to set goals for your future and your savings, and then discuss ways to save money in your day-to-day life.

Lack of Intimacy

Finally, lack of intimacy is another common reason for couples to seek divorce. Sex is an integral part of your relationship, but intimacy can also just be about emotional connection. Consider being a little spontaneous if you feel like your spark is sizzling out. Plan an exciting date night, try a new activity together, or spend quality time without your phones or distractions. Again, communicating honestly about your feelings can help you reconnect with one another.

While people choose to end marriages for various reasons, these common triggers for divorce are some of the struggles that many couples reference when splitting up. Infidelity is a common reason for breakups, as is stagnation in the relationship. Money struggles and a lack of intimacy are also common stressors. The best way to navigate any of these common issues is to communicate with one another. A marriage counselor can give you the tools you need to learn better communication techniques. They can help you reconnect and strengthen your bond with one another. Remember, marriages require effort from both partners. You and your spouse must both decide to put your relationship first so that you can get over these struggles and come out stronger on the other side.

Navigating Parental Guilt during a Divorce

Parental guilt during divorce is a very common response for nearly all parents who go through a separation. However, it’s important to look at the bigger picture. Remind yourself that your children will be happier in the long run with parents who live separately and can co-parent peacefully than parents who stay in an unhappy marriage. And work on improving your relationship as co-parents so that you can all stay close as a family. Take steps to reduce your stress and prioritize your mental health. And most of all, be patient. These feelings will pass as you begin to see how quickly your children will adjust to their new normal. Hopefully, the transition period won’t take long and everybody will be happier in the long run.

Navigating Parental Guilt during a Divorce: Doing What’s Best

Look at the Big Picture

When navigating parental guilt during divorce, it’s helpful to remind yourself that you aren’t the only parent experiencing these feelings. It’s very common and perfectly normal. But it’s important to make decisions that work for your entire family, not just your children. If divorce is the best course of action for you and your ex, then your children will be better off in the long run.

Co-Parent Peacefully

To help ease parental guilt during divorce, it can help to establish a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex. The more the two of you can get along, the better off it will be for your kids. Especially if you can be at social events together without creating drama. That will allow you to be present at important events for your children throughout their lives.

De-Stress

It’s also helpful to concentrate on limiting stress when dealing with parental guilt during a divorce. You can try mindfulness exercises like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga. Journaling can also be very helpful. If you are struggling, speaking with a therapist can be very helpful. Additionally, exercise and spending time outside are also helpful in reducing anxiety.

Be Patient

Finally, be patient when navigating parental guilt during a divorce. During the beginning of the divorce process, emotions can run high for everybody. However, you all will begin easing into your new lifestyles quickly. Hopefully, your children will adjust easily to your custody situation and you can get them the age-appropriate resources and support they need to process their emotions.

It’s very normal to feel parental guilt during a divorce. However, you shouldn’t have to. Staying in an unhappy marriage won’t allow you or your ex to be the parents you can be. Sometimes, as painful as it is, divorce is the best option in the long run for everybody. If you are going through emotional ups and downs, try to be patient with yourself and remember that this too shall pass. Concentrate on becoming cordial with your ex so that you can co-parent peacefully. Use de-stressing techniques to ease anxiety, and speak to a professional if you are struggling. Hopefully, you will all adjust quickly to the changes in your lives and will realize that the stress of the divorce is well worth it for your overall happiness.

Remarrying After Divorce: Things to Consider

If you’re considering remarrying after divorce, there are some important things to keep in mind. You want to make sure that your second marriage goes the distance, so it can be helpful to take things slow before making such a big decision. Speak to an attorney to make sure you understand any legal implications of getting remarried. Give it some time after your divorce is final before jumping back into marriage to make sure that things are right and that you aren’t rushing the decision. Have the money talk up front this time, and consider a prenuptial agreement. And finally, don’t forget to consider your children’s feelings about the marriage before agreeing. Hopefully, you’ll be able to move forward with your new partner and have a lasting and happy second marriage. 

Remarrying After Divorce: Things to Consider Before Making the Decision

Speak to an Attorney

It’s important to speak to an attorney before remarrying after divorce. There aren’t often legal restrictions on remarrying, but it’s still a good idea to check. However, your alimony, support payments, and child support might be affected. It’s important to understand all of the legal implications of choosing to remarry.

Take Your Time

It’s also helpful to give yourself plenty of time before remarrying after divorce. Getting married right after your divorce is finalized can create a lot of mixed emotions for family and friends. Plus, it might mean that you are rushing into things before the time is right. Allow yourself plenty of time to heal from the emotional upheaval of the divorce process.

Have the Money Talk

Oftentimes, money is one of the contributing factors to divorce. If that was the case for your first marriage, it’s important to have the money talk before remarrying after divorce. You might even consider a prenuptial agreement this time to protect yourself financially. While you definitely won’t want to go through another divorce, it’s especially important to avoid the financial upheaval a second time. Get comfortable talking about money with your new partner so that finances aren’t a stressor in your new relationship.

Consider Your Children’s Feelings

Finally, before remarrying after divorce, it’s important to make sure that your children are on board with the idea. They might have a lot of emotions about your divorce and your new relationship. While you deserve to be happy with whomever you want, it’s also important to give your children plenty of time to acclimate to the idea of you marrying a new person. Consider family counseling if you and your children are struggling to get on the same page with your plans for the future.

Although many people going through a divorce say they’ll never walk down the aisle again, remarrying after a divorce is pretty common. If you’re considering walking down the aisle with a new partner, it’s important to consider all of the implications. An attorney can help you figure out if it will affect your support payments and if there are any concerns legally. Additionally, it’s important to take plenty of time to heal emotionally from your divorce. Spend the time making sure that you and your new partner are a great match in every way. For example, have the money talk upfront so that finances don’t become a source of anxiety in your marriage. And make sure that your children are on board with you remarrying. Hopefully, everybody will be happy and you can move forward with your new partner to a lasting and happy future together. 

How-to: Cope with Divorce Emotion & Gain Support

Divorce can being up all kinds of emotions and negative feelings. You may feel like your world is spiring out of control. Not only is a relationship ending, there are many other legal hoops to jump through. Between deciding where to live, who gets custody over the kids, and how to divide assets, there is a lot to work through. While it may seem overwhelming now, know there are ways to cope with divorce.

How-to Cope with Divorce: Steps to Take

Emotions

Divorce can bring up many painful emotions. For example, you may feel emotions such as grief, anger, depression, fear and frustration. The sadness and grief may set in at the realization of the loss or end of a relationship. The fear could be from the thought that you may be alone for a while. Anger could come from the hurt that you have experienced during the marriage and divorce process. Depression could come from the overwhelming fear that you will not be able to cope with all of these emotions.

In order to cope with divorce and these emotions, you must first let yourself go through this grief process. You will not be able to cure these feelings, but you can learn healthy ways to handle them. Once you have let yourself grieve, you will be able to start the process to move on with your new life.

Reach Out For Support

Do not be afraid to reach out to others for support. Many other people have been down the same road as you, and can be a good companion on this journey. Even if they have not experienced the same things that you have, friends and family who care about you will be there to support you too. If your circle got torn apart by the divorce, make an effort to meet new people. Join a club, start a new hobby, volunteer, or get involved in a place of worship or in the community.

If you need to talk to someone outside of your circle, reach out to a professional who can help. A councilor or support group can be a great place to open up without feeling judged by those you know. Talking through your feelings and emotions, and having someone there to listen is all a part of learning to cope with divorce.

Self-Care

Do not forget to take care of yourself through this process. Everything can feel so overwhelming that you forget to focus on yourself too. Make sure to exercise, which will help your physical and mental wellbeing. Pay attention to what your body is telling you it needs. That may be sleep, or that may be learning to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty about it.

Take time each day to nurture yourself. That may look different for each person, but could include doing yoga, going for a walk, reading a book, or spending time with friends. By making sure that you are mentally and physically rested and fit, you will be more able to take on having to cope with divorce.

How-to Navigate Religious Guilt During Divorce

Many religions do not condone divorce. They have built a negative stigma around it. This is actually a reason that some people stay in unhealthy marriages far longer than they should, or for their whole life. They may be worried about the stigma and associated shame and guilt that comes with divorce due to their religious beliefs. If you are in an unhealthy marriage that is beyond repair, do not let religious shaming keep you from getting a divorce. Learn more about how to navigate religious guilt during divorce.

How-to Navigate Religious Guilt During Divorce: Freeing Yourself From Shame

Stigma

Over the course of history, religious groups have looked down on divorce. There can be a lot of religious guilt during divorce, and a stigma that follows you after divorce. Some religious groups do not permit their members to get divorced, while others shun divorcees. Oftentimes, churches name divorce as a sin that should not be committed. ‘Marriage is a lifelong commitment’ is a common thing to hear. It is not uncommon to hear that God hates divorce. All of this leads to people staying in marriages that they should not stay in. It also makes people feel like they are a failure if they do get divorced. However, many times divorce can stem from circumstances that you are not in control of.

Forgive Yourself

If you are concerned about religious guilt during divorce, take time to work through forgiving yourself first. You can spend time praying and talk to God about your situation. Express your grief, sadness, and frustration. Religion always preaches forgiveness, so know that God will forgive you and that you should also forgive yourself. It may take you a while to get to the point where you can forgive yourself. In addition, you can talk to a councilor or someone objective to work through your struggles. Know that this one thing does not define who you are as a person. You are not a bad person for wanting a divorce.

Support Group

Divorce can be a difficult and emotional process to go through. It really helps to have people you can trust and lean on for support. If your church or religion will not stand behind you through your divorce, find a support group who will. There will always be people who can understand, relate and emphasize with your divorce. You will need people to lean on during the really emotional and challenging times. Also, just because your church frowns upon divorce, there are bound to be some people within the church that will be there to support you. They will be able to see your struggle from both sides, just as you do. Another option would be to look for another, more inclusive church. There are many churches that will accept you for you, and does not define you by your marital history.