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Category: family law

All About Alimony and Child Support

Alimony and child support can be confusing when people discuss separation and divorce. However, the two are very different. Alimony is money that one spouse gives to another during or after a separation. Child support is money that a spouse gives to another for the purposes of meeting their childrens’ needs. Both are determined by a number of factors and are decided on by a judge. An experienced attorney can help guide you through the processes associated with both of these family law facets.

All About Alimony and Child Support

What is Alimony

Alimony and child support are very different things. You can also call alimony “spousal support.” Alimony isn’t automatic, so you’ll need to ask for it if you feel like you deserve to get help from your ex. The purpose of it is to help you keep living a similar lifestyle to how you were living before your divorce. Alimony might come as a lump sum, a property division, or a monthly payment.

Deciding Alimony

Alimony and child support are both decided in court. One of the factors that a judge might consider is the amount of money that each spouse makes. Additionally, they’ll look at living expenses for both. The length of the marriage is also a factor sometimes. Finally, the way that you split assets in a divorce can affect alimony.

What is Child Support

Alimony and child support are mostly different because of the purpose of the money. A spouse gives alimony to keep the other spouse living the same way as before the split. However, child support is very different. As its name implies, you give child support to a spouse to help support your joint children. You can use child support for food, clothing, housing, schooling, or medical needs for the kids.

Deciding Child Support

Like alimony, child support is a court decision. Both of these facets of family law have similar factors at play. For example, a judge will look at incomes for both parents. They will also consider the way assets split in a divorce. Child support might last until your children are eighteen, or you could decide on a different time frame.

Alimony and child support are sometimes confusing but are very different concepts. Child support is money that a spouse pays to another to help support their children. Alimony is money that a spouse pays to help support their ex. Both should be decided on by a judge in court. Therefore, having a knowledgeable attorney guide you through the process is absolutely imperative.

Different Types of Custody Arrangements

If you are going through a divorce with kids in tow, you might be wondering about the different types of custody arrangements available. It can be overwhelming to look at your options. The four main types of custody are legal, physical, joint, and sole custody. Weigh your options and decide what works best for your family.

Different Types of Custody Arrangements: Know Your Options

Legal Custody

Legal custody is one of the types of custody arrangements available. Whichever parent has legal custody of the children has the right to make all legal decisions for them. This could mean deciding long term things about their care and upbringing. For example, schooling decisions and medical decisions are things the legal custodian would need to decide. It’s possible to have sole legal custody. You could also share legal custody with your ex.

Physical Custody

Physical custody is another type of custody arrangement. This type of custody decides who the children live with. It is different from legal custody. This is because if major decisions need to be made, even a physical custodian would need to consult with their ex. Physical custody could be sole. This means the kids live full time with one parent. It can also be joint where the children go back and forth between parents. However, with sole custody, it’s possible to give your partner visitation rights.

Joint Custody

When looking at different custody arrangements, most people think of joint versus sole custody. Joint custody just means that both parents share in the raising of the kids. This can include joint legal custody or joint physical custody, or both. This is the option most common when both parents are fit caregivers. If you and your partner are both responsible parents, joint custody allows you both a say in your kid’s lives.

Sole Custody

One final type of custody arrangement available to divorcees is sole custody. It means that one parent is entirely responsible for the children. Sole custody can be sole physical custody, sole legal custody, or both. This option is common when one parent is unfit. This could be because of incarceration, drug use, abuse, neglect, or mental illness among many other things. This can be in the best interest of the children if it’s for their safety. However, it means that the kids don’t get to interact much with one of their parents.

Looking at the different types of custody arrangements is a tough spot to be in. It can be messy and emotional trying to decide what works for you and your ex. Whether you decide on joint custody or sole custody of the kid’s legal or physical decisions, let it be the best option for your children.

How-to Know if You Are Ready to Seek Sole Custody

People file for sole custody for various reasons, but not all of them are good ones. The battle for sole custody is now something you should enter into lightly. Joint custody grants some form of shared custody between both parents. On the other hand, only one parent can end up getting sole custody. Depending on your ex, this could turn into a challenging, and unpleasant battle. It is also a very big decision to make for your child. Since this is such a big thing to take on, you need to really know if you are ready to seek sole custody.

How-to Know if You Are Ready to Seek Sole Custody: Challenges of Divorce

Reasons

There are many reasons a parent may try and get sole custody of their child. Some people just want to hurt their ex. Other people are looking to either get more child support or to get out of paying child support. Some people do it because they can’t bear to be without their child. Whether or not it is warranted, they may even be afraid the other parent isn’t going to take care of them as well as they do.

However, the most important reason to seek sole custody is to protect your child from harm. Some parents are just not meant for co-parenting. In these cases, it is the other parent who is or may potentially harm your child. If the other parent has committed physical or sexual abuse against your child or another child, it may be a good idea to seek sold custody. Other reasons that could should consider filing for sole custody would be child neglect, incapacitating mental illness, substance abuse, or abandonment. Also, another reason would be if the parent is involved with criminal activity that affects the safety and well-being of the child.

Consider Children

While determining if you are ready to seek sole custody, you will need to consider what is best for your children. If they are old enough, be sure to ask what your child wants. While it will be difficult, honestly evaluate which situation would be best for your child and their development and well-being.

Preparation

If you are ready to seek sole custody, there are many things you will need to do to prepare. First, you must make sure that you have a safe, clean, proper home environment for the child. You should be able to maintain your physical and mental wellbeing, providing your child with an all-around good home environment.

Be sure to keep documentation of what steps you have taken to improve how have worked to improve your parenting skills. Get references for your parenting skills so that you can prove you are a fit parent. Additionally, make note of situations where the other parent did things that would make him or her an unfit parent. This documentation could be helpful in court.

How-to Handle Co-Parenting and Vacations

After your divorce is finalized, there will come a time when you or your ex will want to go on a vacation with the kids. There will be things that will be different about this trips than when it was before the divorce. While you may feel this tricky, there was ways to handle co-parenting and vacations easily.

How-to Handle Co-Parenting and Vacations: Post-Divorce Considerations

Advanced Notice

You will want to give your ex advanced notice about any trip that you may be going on with the kids. If you have shared-custody, you will want to give plenty of time to rearrange custody times if needed. You would want the same courtesy in return if your ex wanted to take the kids on the trip.

It may also take some time for the party staying at home to get used to the idea that their kids are going to be going away for a while. The parent staying at home may want to fill their time with other things to take their mind off things while the kids are off having fun with their other parent. This is especially true if the kids are going on a trip with the ex plus someone they are dating, or even new spouse. Plan some time with some friends or do some self-pampering in the meantime.

Medical History

Another thing to think about with co-parenting and vacations is your child’s health. It is important for the safety of the kids that both parents are both up-to-date on the kid’s medical history. Think about things such as medications, allergies and health conditions. A full list of any doctors or health conditions would be important to share as well. It would be terrible for something to happen while on vacation and the parent with them be uninformed about the child’s medical history. This could actually prove to be life threatening. Make sure to have open communication about this and discuss it before anyone leaves on a trip.

Stay in Touch

Keep the other parent at home informed with the best way to get in contact with you while you are on your trip. Even if you will not have cell phone service, give the information for the accommodations you will be staying at. This way if there is an emergency, there will be some line of commuication.

Also, let the other parent know about any changes in plans or itinerary. That way the other parent will be able to feel better about knowing where the kids are. Communication helps with trust. This will definitely help the process of vacations while co-parenting go better.

Reasons to Adopt: Expanding Your Family

The reasons to adopt will differ among families, but they ultimately come down to wanting to add a child to their family. There are many reasons a that a couple or individual may choose to adopt. Adoption can be a lengthy, yet rewarding process. 

Reasons to Adopt: Why You May Consider Adoption

Infertility

Some people are unable to have their own biological children. Infertility is a common one of the reasons to adopt. Some people try to have a child naturally, but are unable to conceive. Sometimes, they try fertility treatments, which could fail as well. They may consider adoption as a way to have a child, even though they are unable to have their own biological child. 

Single Parents

In other cases, single parents may want a child but not have a partner to have a child with. This is another one of the reasons to adopt. Adoption does not require you to have a spouse or partner. This way, a single parent can have a child without having to go through fertility treatments.

Same-Sex Parents

In the same way, same-sex couples are unable to have a biologic child that would have the genes of both parents. They may have to go through fertility treatments in order to have a child as well. This brings up another one of the reasons to adopt, as this could open another option for having a child.

Medical Concerns

Sometimes, medical issues prevent a couple from being able to have a child of their own. Other times, the fear of passing on a genetic disease or gene could be one of the reasons to adopt. In both of these situations, adoption may be the best option for medical concerns that parents may have.

Give a Child a Loving Home

Another one of the reasons to adopt is to provide a child with a stable, loving home. There are children domestically and around the world who live in an environment that may not be safe, loving or supportive. 

On the other hand, sometimes parents are in situations where they are just not able to provide or care for a child. Some people decide to adopt because they want to give these children a supportive home and love them as their own. 

These are just some of the many reasons to adopt. There are children in the United States, abroad and in the foster system who are up for adoption. Whatever your reasons are for starting the journey towards adoption, make sure you weigh all options and do plenty of research. Adoption is a wonderful thing, but not something to take lightly. 

2-2-3 Schedule: Strike A Balance

One of the trickiest parts of co-parenting can be settling on a schedule. However, a popular model that many parents like to use is the 2-2-3 schedule. This plan could help you find a good balance that helps smooth out the rest of your co-parenting plans…

2-2-3 Schedule: How It Works

Basic breakdown

A 2-2-3 schedule is a pretty straightforward system. Basically, one parent will have the kids for 2 days in the week. Then, the other parent will have the kids for the next 2 days. Finally, the kids will go back to the first parent for the last 3 days of the week. With the start of the next week, the schedule will switch.

So with this schedule, you would have the kids on Monday and Tuesday. Then, your co-parent would have them on Wednesday and Thursday, before you get them back for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. This then makes it easy to have you switch days next week.

The pros

There’s a good number of pros which come with a 2-2-3 schedule. For starters, it allows for both parents to see the kids throughout the week. It also does a good job in keeping that time you spend with them equal. Plus, it isn’t all that difficult to put it into practice, which makes it easy to get going.

Due to these factors, it’s a good schedule for reducing potential conflict. You won’t have to worry about arguing with your spouse over getting an even amount of time spend with the kids. Your kids will also not have to go very long without seeing their other parent, which can be especially good in those early stages after the divorce.

Potentials cons

Still, there are some things you should keep in mind about a 2-2-3 schedule. Mainly, it will require a good amount of coordination. You and your co-parent will have to make time for picking up or dropping off the kids, which can be hard if you’re already dealing with communication issues.

It could also be the case that the constant changes end up putting more stress on the kids then you initially realize. Instead, it could be better for them to spend more time at one house and get into a routine. Like with all co-parenting schedules, you’ll want to be flexible and make any changes as needed!

Explaining Custody: Co-Parenting Transitions

After the initial explanation of your separation, there will come a time where you need to explain the new living situation with your children. Explaining custody to children can be a challenge depending on their age and their exposure to others in similar situations. Children who have friends with separated parents will understand it better, generally.

Explaining Custody to Children of Different Ages

Newborn through Toddler Age

During this stage of life, explaining custody to children seems a little redundant. It is unnecessary to tell your two year old that you will only see them during the week. They are simply too young to understand this. As long as the child is healthy and taken care of, that’s all they need right now.

School Age through Pre-Teen

At this point, children can understand that you are going to court. They will have questions about what is happening. When answering, be honest but age appropriate. Remember not to bash your ex in front of them. Explaining custody to children of this age is important because they need to understand what is going on. Young children may need to talk to the judge or talk about it with law guardians. In these cases, assure your child they are not in trouble and nothing they say can get them, or you, in trouble. These special attorneys are there to help.

Pre-Teens and Teenagers

At this point in your child’s life, they recognize divorce and what it means. Explaining custody to children of this age may be difficult because they may not understand the court’s reasoning or ruling. Many times, children of this age will be asked their opinions of custody. While these opinions will be taken into consideration, the court may ultimately rule in opposition. It is always in best interest of the child, but it can be hard to explain that to a teenager. Pre-teens and teenagers are in a tender time of their lives. They are full of confusion and emotion. Be understanding and listen to what they have to say.

Explaining custody to children can be especially confusing if your child does not understand that their parents are not together. Being open and honest throughout this time is the best way to make sure all children get heard. If you have children who are in different stages of their childhood, tell them together. The older child(ren) can ask more questions later, but explaining the new custody agreement does not need to be a secret. Telling them together offers some comfort and security.

Maintaining School Systems After Divorce

Did you ever move schools in the middle of the school year? Or come to school one day to find out your best classmate was changing schools? If you did, you know how hard it is to be the new kid or to lose a classmate. Maintaining school systems after divorce will help your children keep the familiarity of their school and their classmates.

Maintaining School Systems: Avoiding Disruption

Why is this important?

Maintaining school systems post-divorce is important for your children and their education. A switch in school systems can cause a disruption in friendships and in educational focus. While divorce will certainly change a child’s life, it will help to keep their school and social life as similar as possible. Changing these can disturb any progress a child has already made in school and send them back to the beginning.

Friendship, no matter the age, is important for children, especially for those whose parents are divorcing. Maintaining school systems will help them keep their friends. They may be able to help the child grieve and cope or simply keep their mind off of it.

How can we achieve this?

The birds nest agreement is great for maintaining school systems. While not feasible for every family, the children will definitely remain in the same school system in a familiar neighborhood.

There can also be an agreement for parents to not move out of an area. By doing this, children can still take the bus and both homes will be relatively close in case of emergency. Maintaining school systems goes beyond just the system sometimes. Some school systems have several elementary schools, for example. This agreement would need to specify that the parents are both zoned for the same elementary school. The same middle and high school would be an important thing to check, too.

Couples get divorced for a lot of reasons. Children are better off with two happy, but separate, parents, than they are with two unhappy, but together, parents. There are a lot of moving parts to divorce and it is not always easy to agree with an ex-spouse. Maintaining school systems is a small effort to make towards ensuring a child’s overall happiness and wellness.

Relationship Counseling: When Is It Time?

When couples think of relationship counseling, their minds might go into panic mode. For some, counseling is a sign that their relationship is doomed to fail. Others might see it as a waste of time that doesn’t work. However, being proactive about fixing your relationship is the key to making it work.

Relationship Counseling: When Is It Time?

Avoiding the “point of no return”

Most couples like to think that they can handle their issues on their own. After all, it’s their relationship; they don’t need “outsiders” to get involved, right? However, what this means is that couples will try to fix things alone until they can’t anymore. In effect, they cross the point of no return without even realizing it. 

To avoid crossing this point, it’ll require some humility and willingness to put pride aside. So what if someone else helps you with your relationship? What’s important is that you’re taking steps to fix things. In the end, willing to accept you need help is a much smaller price to pay than potentially losing your entire relationship.

Being proactive

In life, you’re generally encouraged to be proactive about the essentials. You go to the doctor for check-ups, you go to the mechanic for tune-ups, etc. So why not be proactive about your relationship? Instead of letting things build up, why not take the same kind of proactive approach here as well?

Of course, that doesn’t mean you need to go to relationship counseling for every disagreement. There’s a fine line between “normal” arguments versus unhealthy ones. Ultimately, it’ll take some self-reflection through your own sense of happiness and beliefs to know when that threshold has been passed. If things escalate too far, however, then you might want to reevaluate your relationship as a whole.

What really is counseling?

On paper, relationship counseling is a way for you and your partner to address your issues together. You both can figure out what is the root of your problems and get strategies for how to fix them. You’ll learn what each of you need and how to best fulfill those needs. 

However, it’s also a call to action. It’s a way for you and your partner to learn and grow in a way that will also help your relationship. It’s not an admission of failure, but rather a way to say “we are worth it”. Relationship counseling is a small investment to make to preserve your relationship, and is worth putting aside one’s pride for. 

A Different Divorce: How Same-Sex Divorce Differs 

A divorce is a divorce. It doesn’t matter the sex of the parties; a divorce will always feel the same. This is a time of loss, hardship, and moving into a new stage of life. Typically, most couples know what to expect of a divorce. From court proceedings, custody battles, mediation, and so forth. All in all, a divorce is pretty standard procedure. But, in some ways, for a same-sex couple, it’s a different divorce than most…

A Different Divorce: How Same-Sex Divorce Differs

There are a few ways that a same-sex divorce is different than a heterosexual divorce. However, in most ways, it’s completely the same. There’s anger, grief, guilt, remorse, relief… a whole range of emotions. When it comes to the emotional side of divorce, there’s ultimately no difference in how you feel and everyone else feels. Furthermore, you’ll go through the same one and dance as every other married couple. From custody agreements, property division, debt division, spousal support, and so forth. However, there are a few areas that can be a bit more difficult to deal with…

Custody Problems for Non-Biological Parents

One of the most difficult issues for same-sex couples is that of custody. All things considered, that child is both yours, and your spouses. However, being that the court system is still a little behind the curve when it comes to custody in same-sex marriage, the biological parent will have a huge advantage in terms of custody. That is, unless the non-bio parent has legally adopted the child. In that case, you will bot h have legal rights to the child. But, unfortunately, most couples just don’t think to take that measure until it’s too late.

Same-sex Couples Tend to Have Property Issues

As you likely know, gay marriage was not legal country-wide until a few years ago. Therefore, most everyone in a same-sex relationship had to carry on as if they were married, without the legal document to say so. Therefore, if you’ve been together for much longer than you’ve been married— you likely have assets, property, a mortgage, and so forth, that you’ve treated as marital property. However, because it was all acquired outside of the marriage, a judge will not be able to help you divide it all up. While this issue is alive and well for both heterosexual and same-sex couples, it can become quite an issue for long time same-sex couples who’ve built a lot of life and assets together.

Your divorce is just like any other, but there are a few more bumps in the road…

Every divorce will vary in a few different ways. Whether it be a lot of property to divide, medical bills, child custody, or any other factor. But, there are no two proceedings that go the same way. So, while you have a different divorce on your hands, it’s nothing a divorce attorney won’t be able to help you sort through.