Category: family

Changing Jobs Post-Divorce

Divorce tends to b a time of self-reflection for many people. This is especially true when it comes to working. Some might consider getting a new job, where as others might consider changing jobs post-divorce. If you find yourself thinking about the later, there’s a few things you should evaluate before making a decision…

Changing Jobs Post-Divorce

Your stress levels

Divorce, understandably, is a pretty stressful event. Therefore, it’s no surprise that you’re probably looking to rid your life of excess stress. One of the areas many people look at are their jobs. Depending on their answers, it can help them decide on changing jobs post-divorce.

Think about how you feel when you’re working. Do you hate it, and dread having to even think about going into your shifts? Or, do you find yourself feeling pretty at-ease most of the time? If your job environment is too stressful, then it might be time to consider a change.

Financial situation

On top of stress, divorce can also cause you to spend quite a bit of money. Even after it’s over, you might have to spend on things like finding and moving to a new place to live. Plus, spousal and child support payments can also seriously change up your financial situation, and make you think about changing jobs post-divorce.

If you find yourself worried about money, it helps to first make a budget based on how much you make now, and your new costs. Are there any areas you can cut back on spending on to make sure you have money for the necessitates? Depending on how this budget looks, it can help you determine if a change is a good idea.

Quality of life

Remember that there’s more to a job than just the pay. There’s also other factors you have to consider. These quality of life factors can be very important, especially if your old schedule has changed due to your divorce. For instance, if you find yourself with custody of your kids, then you’ll have to consider how to balance a job with these new demands.

How well your job fits these changes can help you determine if changing jobs post-divorce is a good idea. Consider things like your work schedule. Is it flexible with your needs? Does your job also let you handle things from home on some days? Jobs which do can be much more appealing and handy than those that don’t.

Changing Last Names: Marriage Questions

Soon, you’ll be married. This is such an exciting time for you and your partner! It’s also super stressful. There’s planning the wedding, the honeymoon and figuring out how to merge together your lives as well as other things. In addition to these, the topic of changing last names has come up lately. There are pros and cons for changing or not changing. If you’re thinking about this, it’s easier to decide when you have a better idea of outcomes.

Changing Last Names: Should You Do It?

The Hassle

You’ve had your last name your whole life; that much is obvious. However, that fact isn’t on your radar until you think you might change it. Even though your name might be a small blimp in everyday life, it’s a huge part of you. If you change it, major updates need to be made almost everywhere. Updates for your passport, licenses, bank and your job need to be made. If you’ve made a name for yourself at your job, this is a tougher pill to swallow. Changing your name can be hard because it’s a part of your brand. Nevertheless, keep this in mind when weighing your options for changing last names.

What Other People Think

Changing last names is such a common practice. It’s something that’s considered a done-deal once you become engaged. If you’re on the fence about changing last names, you may be concerned what other people will think of you.To tell you the truth, the only opinions that matter are the people who are close to you. Therefore, if this is a concern, talk to your partner, parents and in-laws. Tell them you haven’t decided on changing names and why.

Additionally, you may be concerned what your friends and coworkers think. They’ll have their thoughts and opinions on the matter. That’s alright! Let them have their opinions. If they’re close to you, they’ll understand your decision, whether you change your name or not.

Nothing Is Permanent

If push comes to shove and you’re still not sure, you don’t have to decide right away. Later, if you feel you’d prefer changing last names, do it! If later down the road, you’re happy you didn’t change your last name, that’s great! It’s all up to you and your partner. It may be easier when starting a family or it may not change a thing. It all depends on how you feel now and in the future. No matter what you decide, the option is always there.

Changing last names when you marry is often a no-brainer. However, if you’re taking a moment to weigh your options, there’s no shame in it. You should be certain of your choice when you make it final. After all, it’s a big decision that you should not take lightly. Discuss with your future spouse, come to a decision together, and consider your options. Also, remember that hyphenating is also an option!

Co-Parent Communication

After your divorce, you might wish to just step away from things involving your ex for a while. However, if you’re a parent, you’ll have to start co-parenting. One of the trickiest aspects of this new parenting style is co-parent communication. However, if you take some key steps, you can make this process a little less complicated…

Co-Parent Communication

Find the best way to keep in touch

The first part of co-parent communication involves figuring out how you can keep in touch. These days, we have many ways to constantly be in contact with others. However, you might not want to always be talking to your ex. Therefore, you’ll need to find a good balance to work out with your ex. 

For instance, maybe you’re fine with your ex keeping your number and calling or texting. However, maybe you only want them to call when it’s related to the kids. Or, maybe you want it to be strictly professional, and keep in only through e-mail. Whatever it might be that you chose, it’s important to stick to your boundaries to avoid conflicts. 

Minimize conflict

Conflict prevention is important for good co-parent communication. Despite how you might feel about your divorce, you and your ex are going to have to work together to still be parents. Arguing and fighting will only serve to hurt your kids in the long run, and no one wins when that happens. 

Therefore, it’s important to remember that you still each share that goal of wanting to properly raise your kids. You might not agree on everything, which is natural! However, instead of fighting over who is right, understand it’s okay if you guys do things a bit differently. As long as it isn’t hurting your kids, then it’s probably not worth fighting over.

Be respectful and direct

Depending on how your divorce went, you might have some pretty negative feelings about your ex. However, if you want good co-parent communication, you can’t let these feelings get the better of you. Instead, you’ll want to be respectful and take the high road, even if your ex doesn’t. 

Usually, if you’re respectful to your ex, they’ll be respectful to you in return. Still, if they aren’t, don’t stoop to their level. Ignore their insults, and tell them you’ll be willing to talk when they are willing to be polite. 

Post-Divorce Vacation

The stress that can come with divorce can really add up over time. Eventually, you’re going to want to let that stress go. A great way to do that is through a post-divorce vacation. Taking a vacation can really help you de-stress and focus on getting your new life started the right way…

Post-Divorce Vacation

Do some research

There’s plenty of places you could go on your post-divorce vacation. Maybe you’ll take a trip down to your favorite beach, or head up into the mountains for some relaxation. Maybe you’ll travel somewhere you’ve never been before! Either way, it’s important to do some research on where you want to go before you head out. 

Doing some research will help you know if your potential vacation spot is really worth your time. For instance, maybe you want to go somewhere you haven’t been to before, perhaps even abroad. It’s important to do some research to figure out what places you should hit up, and which ones you should avoid. Plus, you can learn some helpful tidbits to make your trip go smoother. 

Have a budget

A post-divorce vacation is all about treating yourself. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean you can simply spend like crazy. That’s why it’s helpful to have a budget planned out in advance. Creating a good budget will allow you to really enjoy yourself without breaking the bank. 

Plan out things like travel, hotel, and activity costs. Also, set aside some money for other things like food, miscellaneous spending, and emergencies just in case. Make sure not to go overboard with your trip. You’ll enjoy a trip where you can comfortable spend more over one where you’re stressed about money!

Keep in touch

A post-divorce vacation is great for disconnecting with the “real” world. However, you shouldn’t just become a ghost and not let others know where you are. Make sure you keep in touch with your friends and family so they know where you are. That way, they’ll be able to help you in case something goes wrong.

A crucial part of your vacation, especially if you’re a parent, is letting your ex know your plans. Now, depending on how your divorce went, they might not be high on your list of people to talk to. However, it’s important to figure out things like your parenting schedule and ensuring they can watch the kids while you’re gone. 

Divorce Boundaries: How To Set Them

Divorce requires you to make a lot of changes. One of those changes comes in regards to your personal boundaries. Setting divorce boundaries can be hard, but well worth it in order to make your divorce process a lot easier…

Divorce Boundaries: How To Set Them

With your ex

Some of the first divorce boundaries you’ll want to set are with your ex. It’s important to ensure that you both figure out what kind of boundaries will make you both feel comfortable. This includes things related to communication, living accommodations, and anything else that might pertain to contact outside of divorce matters. 

For example, maybe you’ll both be comfortable with sharing the house while the divorce goes on. Or, maybe you’d prefer it if you lived separate instead. Either way, it’s important to make these boundaries clear and firm to your spouse so there’s no confusion. 

With your kids

Setting divorce boundaries with your kids can be hard. On the one hand, you certainly want to give them support during this difficult time. Yet, you still have to be their parent and maintain some discipline as well. It’s important to find the right balance that’ll work for you and your kids’ needs. 

This time is good for getting a feel for how you’ll parent after the divorce is over. You’ll have to still be their parent, but you’ll probably be co-parenting with your ex as well. Still, it’s important to be considerate and understand how they’re feeling, and help them with adjusting. 

With friends and family

Divorce boundaries with friends and family might not cross your mind at first. After all, they’re going to be a major source of support for you during this time. However, they might go a little overboard with advice and suggestions, which can get overwhelming very quickly. 

That’s why it’s important to be upfront with your friends and family about your boundaries. Let them know what you’ll be comfortable talking about and sharing. If they keep pushing, remain respectful yet firm about your boundaries, and they should get the hint. If not, then you’ll know not to discuss divorce things with them going forward. 

Redecorating Post-Divorce

After your divorce, you might’ve found yourself having to relocate to a new home. Or, maybe you’ve happened to keep the house you’ve already had. Whatever the case might be, you’ll probably be looking to do some redecorating post-divorce. Redecorating your house can help give your home some nice personal touches as you begin your post-divorce life…

Redecorating Post-Divorce

Find the pieces you love

A common challenge people run into when redecorating post-divorce is feeling overwhelmed. They’ll end up not sure of where to begin, or what to focus on, and then wonder if they should even bother anymore. However, it’s all about starting small and finding the simple things first. 

Before doing any drastic changes, it helps to first get a few pieces that you really like. Look all over, whether it be online, or in antique shops or flea markets, for the pieces that really appeal to you. Once you have these pieces, then you have the base for your redesign. Build the rest of the rooms around these pieces, and you’ll have a centered and focused way of getting your redesign done. 

Appreciate your own style

One of the great things about redecorating post-divorce is the amount of freedom you have. In your marriage, you probably had to make compromises with your spouse on the decorating. However, now you have the ability to make all the choices. This is the perfect time to truly embrace your own personal style. 

Don’t feel afraid to experiment with a bunch of different ideas. Your inner critic might try to raise doubts, but this is when you’ll want to push them to the side. Instead, do whatever it is you think you’d like, and make your home your own.

Nothing wrong with some help

While redecorating post-divorce is all about what you want, there’s nothing wrong with getting some outside assistance. After all, redecorating on your own can be quite a challenge. Plus, other eyes can help you notice the finer details which you might’ve not considered. 

Of course, your friends and family are the most immediate, and probably readily available source of help. However, maybe you want to take a bit more of a professional approach. These days, you can find interior designers online who can help you go room-by-room and figure out what’ll fit you the best. 

Domestic Violence Types

Many times, people are under the impression that physical abuse is the only kind of domestic violence. This is not true. There are many other domestic violence types, including emotional and sexual abuse. It is our hope that you are not suffering from this at home. But if you are, or need to talk to someone, there are resources that can help. As a matter of fact, domestic violence can happen in any relationship. It’s not always male to female! It can be any combination.

Domestic Violence Types: Understanding Abuse 

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is only one type of the domestic violence. If you are feeling put down, humiliated, or getting called names by your significant other, this is emotional abuse! Emotional abuse can make you feel bad about yourself and like you’re not worthy. 

Economic Abuse

In the realm of domestic violence types, economic abuse can occur silently. Let’s say your partner is the bread winner in the family. He/she might say you don’t need to work anymore. While this may sound good at first, it could turn into them having control over you and what you do. By making you ask for money or giving you an allowance, your partner might be too controlling.

Making Threats

Threatening and coercing a partner is another type of the domestic violence. Threatening a partner with ultimatums is a sign of domestic abuse. Additionally, persuading a partner to do illegal things and threatening suicide if they leave are also signs of abuse.

Intimidation

Domestic violence types don’t just stop at threats. Sometimes, people carry these actions out. Intimidation can include breaking property and destroying it, too. If a partner can instill fear in you with a look or a gesture, then this is a sign of domestic violence.

Physical and Sexual Abuse

Lastly, physical and sexual abuse are the two domestic violence types that get the most recognition. Since some signs of physical abuse are easy to spot, people are more likely to reach out. Sexual abuse is traumatic. This type of abuse ranges from having sex when you don’t want to, to doing things you are not comfortable with.

It’s important to understand that domestic violence does not discriminate. Domestic violence types vary from situation to situation. Again, if you need help, there are places that can help. 

Empty Nest Post-Divorce

Divorce can feel like a lonely process for many. Dealing with the feelings of an “empty nest” can really make that feeling linger. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t handle an empty nest post-divorce. There are different ways of handling it which can make you start looking at the positives of your post-divorce life…

Empty Nest Post-Divorce

Consider the positives

Part of handling an empty nest post-divorce is getting out of negative thinking. Many people dealing with an empty nest get stuck thinking about all the negatives without focusing on the positives. However, it’s important to know that it’s not all bad. 

For example, you’ll now have a lot of time to do what you want. You don’t have to worry about being a ride or making appointments. Also, if your kids are in college, then take some relief in knowing they’re having a good time. Keep in touch and remember that their happiness is a reason for yours too.

Explore new things

Finding new things to do also helps to ward off those negative empty nest post-divorce feelings. Remember, you’ll have a lot of time now to do the things you’ve maybe put on the back-burner. Or, you can find some new activities to give a try. 

You can consider taking up some exercise classes or think about joining a sports club. Or, you can look at some things to do around the house, like renovations or redecorating. Even just finding a new book or show to watch can help you fight off those negative feelings. 

Connect with others

Connecting with others is another good idea for handling an empty nest post-divorce. What better way to feel less alone than to be with others? This is actually a great time to connect with old friends or find some new ones.

Try to put together some days where you and friends get to hang out. You can try to meet up for dinner, or just to talk with one another at your house. Also, you can look for groups designed to help people dealing with empty nest feelings. These groups can help you learn new ways to handle your feelings and find some new friends along the way. 

Divorce Needs: What Your Children Need from You

When you’re going through a divorce, you’ll probably find it’s an emotional time. Therefore, you may find that you need emotional support and reassurance from your family and friends. If you have children from the divorce, they’ll probably have needs of their own. While it can be a difficult time to focus on your kids, it’s important to hear what they want and meet their divorce needs. 

Knowing Your Child’s Divorce Needs

Involvement 

Most likely, one of your child’s main divorce needs will be involvement. During this time, you’re child may face confusion and anxiety about the future. They’ll wonder what this means for their life with you and the involvement of both of their parents. In order to calm some of these fears, it’s important to show that you both will still remain involved. So, go the extra mile to show care and concern. Try spending time and asking questions about school, activities, and their interests.

Quality Time

Because your child has become accustomed to living with both parents, one of their divorce needs will be quality time with each of you. It’s one thing for you to allow your child to have time with their other parent, it’s another for you to support it. Children can deal with quilt for spending time with each parent individually. As if, spending time with one parent means that they love their parent more. So, it’s important for you to encourage and support them spending quality time your ex. 

Communication

One of the most important divorce needs of your child will be communication between the two of you. No matter how hard things get between you and your ex, it’s important to keep a line of healthy communication. Communication will be the key to co-parenting.You’ll need to discuss things like schedules, rules, schooling and anything else in your child’s best interest. 

In short, divorcing with children can be especially tough because you must meet the divorce needs of your child while also dealing with your own. During this time, you’ll need to tend to your own emotions and need but you don’t want forget that yours kids may have them too. 

Partner Unhappiness: Potential Indicators

Actions tend to speak louder than words. This is especially true in marriage. Your partner’s behavior can tell you how they might truly feel, even when they say nothing’s wrong. Being aware of these indicators can help you notice and address potential partner unhappiness…

Partner Unhappiness: Potential Indicators

Not spending time together

If your partner isn’t spending as much time with you as they used to, then it might be a sign of partner unhappiness. They may be spending more and more time with friends than with you. They could also be putting more time in at work rather than coming home. 

While it is important to let your partner have time to themselves, it shouldn’t result in them having no time with you. In this case, you become less of a priority than you should be. This can be a telltale sign that something is making your partner unhappy when they’re with you.

Emotionally withdrawn 

Another early indicator of partner unhappiness is if they become emotionally withdrawn. Generally, you’d expect for you and your partner to be honest with each other. You’d want to talk about how they are, how their day was, etc.

However, your partner may be more and more distant when talking about these things. They might not even ask you how you are anymore. This lack of interest is a warning that something is making your partner unhappy.

Lack of patience 

A sudden shift in temperament can also be a sign of partner unhappiness. If your normally cool-headed partner gets a shorter temper, then something is bothering them.This change in patience could be because they’re unsure about your relationship.

They Start Nitpicking

Originally, your partner may have found the things you did cute. However, they might’ve started nitpicking more and more. You might feel like there’s nothing you can do that won’t result in nitpicking. 

This could be because of their own unhappiness. Nitpicking is a way for your partner to get out their frustration without addressing it directly. Instead of talking about their problems, it’s easier for your partner to shut you down. 

What to do

It can be difficult to feel loved by your partner when they begin acting in these ways. Sometimes, they might just need space to process their feelings if they’re in a rough place. You can also try and suggest relationship counseling to them as way to work out their issues. Do your best to make things work, but remember: your own happiness should always come first.