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Author: Robert Reeves

Team parenting: Treating Each other as Parents vs. Exes

Parenting as a team after divorce can be tricky. You have unresolved feelings, bad memories, and often, the only point of contact is the child. But, what you might not realize is that treating your parenting situation as a team effort can have a greater, and less stressful, outcome for every party involved. While it might seem tough, and it can be; learning to treat each other as co-parents instead of exes will create a more healthful environment. Team parenting is no easy feat, but with time, and a bit of patience— you’ll be ready to become the best divorced parents on the block. So, let’s get to work.

Team parenting: Treating Each other as Parents vs. Exes
We know it’s tough

Co-parenting, or team parenting as we like to call it, is pretty tricky. Especially in the beginning, there are a lot of other emotions that come along with it. Being a good co-parent shortly after a divorce has a lot of different components. You have to put your own feelings aside to benefit your children. While that is the job when it comes to parenting, that doesn’t mean it isn’t challenging.

But, it’s even more rewarding

Where there is challenge, there is the potential for triumph. There might be growing pains, but finding your groove and treating each other as parents— and with respect, has a lot of potential for upside. You’re teaching your kids proper problem solving, how to respect those around you, and how to adapt to change. You might feel as if you’re failing sometimes, but you’re not! These adjustments take time, and a lot of effort. Cut yourself some slack.

You’re teaching your children how healthy divorce can be

A divorce doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Marriage is great, and no one is saying that the system is doomed. But, one day your children will become adults, and it’s healthy for them to understand that no one or thing is perfect. Marriage is fantastic, but in some cases, divorce can be too. Ask yourself this: would you rather your children use an unhappy marriage as the basis for their understanding of it? Or, would you rather let them witness a divorce that 1) makes both of the parents more happy, and 2) goes down in a respectable manner? Divorce will not ruin your children’s lives. If anything, how you handle it could be a really healthy learning experience for them.

Sole Legal Custody: Pro’s and Cons

Having sole legal custody of your children is tough work. You’re making the big decisions, provide for your children, and explain it all in the meantime. In short, you’re a super hero. But, if you don’t have to pursue sole legal custody— there are plenty of reasons to consider not going that route. People who typically pursue sole legal custody, don’t have a choice in the matter. Either one parent is not fit, or has some sort of issue that puts the child in danger. So, if you’re not having this issue— we’re here to help. Below, you will find a list of positives, and negatives, of sole legal custody. No one should have to go it alone, so let’s consider your options.

Sole Legal Custody: Pro’s and Cons

Pro: There is no debate when it comes to decision making

If you are having to make a big decision— you don’t have to go back and forth with someone else on it. You know what your child needs, so— in the case of sole legal custody— you’re the decision maker, through and through.

Pro: More consistency

In the event of sole legal custody, your child has a higher level of consistency. No shuffling back and forth, no range in rules and input— you are the one steering the ship. This is especially important in the event of one ‘unfit’ parent. You’re in charge of providing a consistent, healthy environment.

Con: It’s all on you

While having the ability to make all the decisions on your own, sometimes you don’t want to have to be that person. You have a big job on your hands, and you didn’t go into this thinking that’s how it would be. So, it can be trying and tough for that one parent carrying all of the weight. You bear the responsibility of making the decisions, but also of dealing with the repercussions. If you don’t have to do so, another agreement is worth considering.

Ultimately, sole legal custody should be reserved for extreme cases. Having all the control might feel like a victory, but when it’s all said and done— that’s a lot to handle. So, take your time with the decision. Try to put yourself in the other parents shoes if they’re capable of providing and being a parent to the child. Sometimes, it doesn’t have to all rest on your shoulders.

Child Support Payments: Understanding the Process For Beginners

If you’re about to start child support payments, but are unfamiliar with the process and the system— we’re here to help. Following, you will find a short, easy guide to navigating the in’s and outs of child support. From how they courts calculate them, to what they cover, and so on. No one is ever prepared to start splitting time with their child. And aside from that, support payments can often add insult to injury if you’re feeling left in the dark. So, let’s skip all that— and help you understand the meaning behind it all.

Child Support Payments: Understanding the Process For Beginners
What does child support cover?

Child support payments are typically based around four categories. Those categories are shelter, clothing, food, and health care. In short, a basic agreement meets the basic needs of the child. Other items such as extracurriculars, entertainment, and electronics, are not a ‘need’ according to child support. Therefore, they are not part of the agreement. Keep in mind that every agreement has the potential to be different. If there is something specific you feel the need to include— discuss it with your lawyer and go from there.

How do they go about calculating the payments?

As we continue to mention, child support payments are designed to meet the basic needs of the child, while also taking into consideration the income of each parent. Keep in mind that these things, the needs and the income, are both things that can change over time. So, after a certain period of time, you both can draft a new agreement that adapts to the needs of the child.

When do the payments get recalculated?

The standard period of time, barring any substantial change beforehand— is four years. You can assume that after four years, there will be some change to either of the two main factors. Those two main factors being child’s need, and parents income. If there is a sudden loss of job, medical emergency, or so forth— a custody agreement is eligible for renegotiating early.

Who pays what?

Typically, there will be one parent with physical custody. Physical custody means that the child is living in that parents house. Therefore, they are providing the day to day setting within which they live their lives. This means that ultimately, under the eyes of the law, they carry the heaviest load. So, that parent will be the one receiving support payments from the other parent.

Failure to Pay Child Support: Facing the Consequences

If you are currently paying child support and feel it is an unfair amount, you might be considering a stop on payments. Unfortunately, no matter how you feel about the arrangement, you are still under obligation to pay it. Choosing not to pay your agreed upon child support payments could have some potentially severe aftermath. From additional fines, to job interferences, and on down the line. Ultimately, failure to pay child support can land you in a world of trouble.

Failure to Pay Child Support: Facing the Consequences

Until you can renegotiate the terms of your child support payments, you’re ultimately under obligation to make them. If you’re facing financial hardship, I suggest reaching out to the other parent and seeing what kind of agreement you can reach. Because, if you do not pay— and you don’t show any effort to do so, you can face any of the following consequences depending on severity:

Dismissal from military

The military is quite serious about taking care of it’s dependents. While the military cannot force a member to pay without court order, they can most definitely make their life harder. Whether that be extra duty, or reduction of rank or pay. Ultimately, you are violating the ‘Uniform Code of Military Justice’ and can be court-martialed for anything from failure to obey order, willfully disobeying an officer, or bringing discredit upon the armed forces. As we’ve said they take denying your duties quite seriously.

Direct contact to your employer

Failure to pay child support can have a lot of consequences. But, one of the most embarrassing and public— is that of the state having to contact your employer. In doing so, they will become aware of your lack of payment. After the state contacts your employer, child support will draft directly from your paycheck. No one wants their home life to be brought into their work sphere. It’s personal, it’s embarrassing, but, if you don’t pay child support— it is a likely outcome.

Fines and Penalties

If you don’t pay child support, the state will likely tack on additional fees and fines to the amount you already owe. Back paying child support with added fines can be extremely costly, and if you can’t afford to do so— it’s much harder to convince a judge and the state after avoiding it. That leads us to our final point…

Jail time

While this is a last resort, it is still likely. The amount of time is dependent on the judge, and the amount of money is still owed. I’m sure you’re aware that working while you’re in jail, is pretty impossible to do. So, you emerge with more work and money to catch up on than ever before. Ultimately, your best bet is paying what you have to pay while you work towards a solution.

The Different Child Custody Arrangements and What They Mean

Navigating the different child custody agreements at first, can be pretty tricky. There’s a lot that you’re learning as you go, and chances are, you might not understand all of the terms and options that are being thrown around. There are a lot of different agreements, based on your specific needs. So, we’re going to explain to you the options when it comes to what agreement you go with. From sole, to joint, to legal, and beyond— together we’re going to work it all out. That way, you can make an informed decision that is best for your entire family.

The Different Child Custody Arrangements and What They Mean
Legal Custody

Legal custody infers that one parent is the decision maker when it comes to the child. That includes educational, moral, health-based and so on. The parent with legal custody is the one that essentially handles everything from start to finish. This agreement is not typical of a parental situation where both are present and competent. Legal custody is typically granted when one of the parents are not fit to make the long-term decisions.

Sole Custody

Sole custody is similar to legal custody in that one parent is the decision maker, but when they have sole custody— the other parent has zero access unless granted by the other parent. This typically takes place when one parent is abusive, an addict— anything that puts the child at emotional or physical risk.

Physical Custody

Physical custody is one of the more common forms of child custody arrangements. It implies that the child resides with one primary parent, and they have visitation with the other parent. One parent will have the majority of time, and receive the child support payments— as they provide the home, and maintain the day-to-day. These types of agreements are usually the route that couples take, aside from joint custody. This allows the child to have one primary home, and a set place to do their extracurriculars and so forth.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is the second most common agreement, and it is exactly how it sounds. Both parents share joint responsibilities when it comes to decision making, extracurriculars, taking them to school. Ultimately, they share every aspect of the child’s life. This would likely be the most common option if it weren’t for how difficult co-parenting can be for ex-spouses.

No matter what kind of agreement you’re looking to reach, there are options to get you there. The first step is doing your research, and consulting with an attorney as to what your next step should be. Whether you settle this agreement in court, or outside— it is important that you understand what you’re agreeing to, and how it affects you in the long run. We wish you luck as you navigate this process and the different child custody agreements.

Becoming a Better Step Parent

Being a step parent can be trying at times. If you watch any Disney movie, you know there is a stigma there of unruly step parents with scary motives. But, in all reality— you’re just trying to navigate your role and figure out where you fit in when it comes to being a step parent, and what that entails. So we’re going to try and help you figure it out. You’ve been a step parent for a while now, and you might still feel iffy— so we’re going to give you a few pointers on how to be a better step parent. From making yourself a little more confident, to making them feel a little closer to you. This journey isn’t easy, but you’ll be one step closer to figuring it out.

Becoming a Better Step Parent
Hold off on the parenting bit

If they aren’t your kids, it isn’t your job to discipline them. Especially not in the beginning. Embrace your role of a secondary parent. That means you get to be there for the child, cheer them on— but be hands off when it comes to the not so fun stuff.

While it might make you feel as if you’re in the background a bit, wait until you’ve established a deeper understanding of the child before you dive right in. It might take a year or more, but in the meantime— you get to be the fun one. That’s not all bad!

Be patient through their process of accepting you

Understand that while you and your spouse have chosen each other— the kids are kind of involuntary along for the ride. It might sound harsh, and believe me— it’s not meant to be. But, you’ve gotta go with the growing pains. A child, especially one who still has a divorce fresh in their mind— is going to be a little jaded.

They’re probably still under the impression that mom and dad will work it out, and your presence might have thrown a wrench in that. I know it’s tough to hear, but better coming from me than from the kids in a fit of anger. Be patient with them. It might take some time, but I guarantee— one of these days, they’ll extend a hand and it will all be worth it.

If you’re feeling unsure, talk to your spouse

Being a step parent, especially a new one, is tough business. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t. There are so many boundaries that you’re left to figure out on your own. Every child is different, and every parenting style is as well. If you’re feeling unsure about your role, or even discouraged— talk with your spouse.

They might not be able to provide a solution, because ultimately— the solution is time. But, you can vent. You can express your frustration, and get it all off your chest. As we’ve said, you have a tough new role to fall into. Finding ways to be a better step parent to your step children is trying at times. Take your time, find your peace, and know that with time— you’ll get there.

New Parent Problems: Tips for Your New Journey

Being a new parent is exciting, educational, and also, terrifying. You went from worrying about getting enough cheese sticks, and what to paint the nursery— to figuring out why your baby is screaming, and why you’ll never sleep again. The learning experience is pretty hands on, and I’m sure you’ll make a lot of late night calls to your doctor or visits to Google.

Parenting is a rewarding, scary, hilarious journey on your first time by. So we’re going to try and make it a little easier. Following, you’ll find a quick list of tips we hope will help you weather the storm. Every new parent, and their journey, is different. And these tips might be successful for you— or they might not be. It’s all up to your baby.

New Parent Problems: Tips for Your New Journey
Take care of your own health as well

Your newborn needs it’s parents. So, take a little time for self-care. There are two parents, and I’m sure a few lingering relatives— take advantage. By this, I mean take a shower, bath, drink some water, and pour yourself a cup of coffee. Falling asleep while nursing is extremely dangerous. Make sure you’re feeling alright too. Your health is just as important as the health of your baby.

Make a schedule with your partner

As we’ve said, there are two of you. Take turns waking up with baby. Those first few days are probably going to be primarily mama because of the breastfeeding. But, pumping so that dad can wake up with the baby in the night too— will be a lifesaver for both of you. Now, more than ever, a group effort is essential. Make a schedule, whether it’s every other night, or every other time baby wakes up— implement a system and stick with it. You’re both gonna be tired, but a little less than one of you would be if all the work is falling on you.

Accept help

Right after a baby, you’re the most popular person you’ll know. People will want to cook you meals, clean your home, hold baby while you take a nap, and so on. We’re here to tell you: take the help while it lasts. After a few weeks or months, the newness will wear off and inevitably— you’ll end up in that period where most people forget to reach out. So, make the most of your rockstar days and let anyone (you’re comfortable with) who wants to help— help.

Crying is normal

Your baby is gonna cry sometimes. And it might feel like they’ll never stop, but they will. Letting them cry and learn how to soothe themselves, and also just take the time to catch up on Real Housewives, is okay. You’re not a bad parent, your baby isn’t going to hate you forever— eventually they will stop. Just check in from time to time, make sure they’re still in the position you left them in— and let it ride. No matter how hard it may feel, you’ll likely be better off in the end.

Visitation Rights for Grandparents in SC

Parents receive visitation rights after a divorce. However, what about other members of the family? Often, families have many members that have a connection with the child. It is very easy for those members, such as grandparents, to be forgotten during a custody arrangement. It is not uncommon when parents work, for children will stay with other members of the family. Therefore, children are not bound to one parent or another, they have an entire system. This is why they should have an active role in the custody agreement. But what rights do they have? And is visitation something that you can guarantee for other family members?

Grandparents and Visitation Rights

In short, yes, grandparents have visitation rights in South Carolina. However, this was not always the case. Prior to 2014, their visitation rights were tough to obtain. Then, governor Nikki Haley, signed into law the ‘Grandparent Visitation Statute’.

The Grandparent Visitation Statute

This allows grandparents visitation rights as long as they pass a few tests before they receive approval.

The first of those few, is that of proving that the child’s parent(s) deprived the grandparent(s) of the opportunity to see the child for more than 90 days. The second, is providing proof that the grandparents visitation rights will not interfere will the parent-child relationship or custody arrangements.

Lastly, the child would have to be a child of divorce, separation, or lost parents. Also, the grandparent must be a natural of legally adoptive guardian of one parent. This simply means that Grandma’s close friend who has always been in the child’s life is not entitled to visitation as a natural grandparent would be.

Bringing change to an outdated statute

The main problem with South Carolina’s previous law was the term “parent-child” relationship. Essentially, a grandparent would need to have a relationship similar to that of the parent to child to even be considerable for visitation rights. Often, that relationship was not the same, so, the grandparents would lose any rights. In contrast, some courts chose to interpret the law very loosely. So, they would often grant grandparents visitation rights when they had no strong relationship with the child.

Ultimately, the former law was not careful enough to outline family visitation rights. In short, South Carolina fixed the situation with a law that considers each and every party. These changes provide grandparents proper rights after they meet a set of fair and obtainable criteria.

Supervised Visitation: How To Be Flexible and Have Fun

If the only type of visitation you have with your kids is supervised, you’ve got to be able to make the most of it. Supervised visitation is not ideal, but when it’s all you’ve got— it’s better than none at all. So we’re going to help you figure out how to handle it. From what to bring, what activities to choose, and how to have the most fun within the circumstances.

Supervised Visitation: Making the Most of Your Time
First things first, make sure you’re showing up on time

No matter who your supervisor is— whether it be mom, dad, grandma, or an assigned mediator, it is important not to keep them waiting. Chances are, if there are supervised visitations being scheduled— they are also being observed in some capacity. Supervised visitation is never the end goal when it comes to custody. It’s quite likely that you’re working to obtain more visitation rights. Therefore, punctuality is likely to be a consideration.

Plan your time

Whether the planning be as simple as bringing a book or a puzzle, or as in-depth as planning to bake or cook together. You want to have some sort of plan in place for how to use your time. I’m sure you could sit there all day and stare into their sweet eyes. But, spend your time engaging with them instead. Find out how their week has been, what’s new in their life— show interest in their activities.

Tell them about you too. They are interested in your life as well, tell them about it. You want to make these visits as easy as possible. It’s tough to feel dissected in front of a stranger or old spouse, but you have to work with what you’ve got.

Do something educational or creative together

Whether that be reading a book, painting a picture, or putting together a giant puzzle— engage their brain. Plus, if you choose the creative route, that leaves you plenty of time to talk as well and get to know each other in this setting.

Have a plan, but go with the flow as well

If you planned to do one activity, and the child doesn’t want to— have a back up plan. Depending on what your supervised setting is, there could be plenty of activities available to you. As we’ve said, cooking or baking together is a great bonding activity.

You can use the time to bake and decorate a sweet treat together, or teach your child to cook healthy meals. The point is to be flexible, understanding, and patient as you figure all of this out. Supervised visitation is tough to navigate, especially at first.

If you’re having trouble, reach out to a support group, or the internet.

There are plenty of resources to help you acclimate to these changes. We wish you luck and offer our hand, when the time comes to pursue further custody agreements.

Celebrating V Day with Your Kiddos

As Valentine’s Day approaches, you’re probably trying to figure out how to have some fun with the kiddos. The good news is, there are plenty of different ways for you to have fun with your kids on V day. From special foods, celebrations, and love letters— we’re going to give you a few ideas on how to ring in another day of loving your babies. On Valentine’s day, you just have a bigger reason to celebrate it.

Celebrating V Day with Your Kiddos: Having Some Cheesy, Love-Day Fun
Start the day with a themed breakfast!

Valentine’s day falls on a Wednesday this year, so the babies have to go to school— so, get festive with breakfast. Put a few drops of grenadine in their orange juice to make it a ‘sweetheart sunrise’. Cut their pancakes into hearts, or put strawberries and whipped cream on top. Have some fun with it!

Write cute little notes for their lunch

If your kids like bananas, we have an awesome trick for you. Take something slightly pointed, and push a note into the skin of the banana. You don’t have to push through, but by lunch time it will brown into a perfect little note. Or, you can just write it in marker. Or even just write a note! The point is, you have options if this is something you want to do.

Plan a fun night for you guys!

Bake and decorate cookies together, or a heart-shaped cake. Watch kid-friendly movies centered around love. Have dinner by candle light together. Do something to celebrate with the kiddos. Especially if you’re a newly single parent, V day can get you down. But what more perfect remedy than your kids? Celebrate your love of them, and encourage them to do the same with others.

Deliver sweet treats to your neighbors to inspire spreading love and joy

Get your kids in the spirit of giving and spreading love! Take all of those cookies you made, and deliver some to your neighbors. It is important that you instill the idea of giving, and brightening others day to your children. it makes them more compassionate, insightful adults. So, start a new tradition! Every year, on Valentine’s day, you make cookies for the neighbors (or something to that effect). It’s just a suggestion, but it’s a heartwarming way to spread some cheer.