Author: Robert Reeves

Babysitting Etiquette: Being a Good Client 

Being a single parent is tough work. You’re handling a lot of day-to-day operations completely alone, and sometimes parents need a break. So, that means you need to call in a babysitter. You might not do so often, or maybe the other parent is usually your babysitter. But, in the event that you’re taking a night out— it’s important to make sure you’re maintaining some proper babysitting etiquette.

You’re bringing someone into your home and trusting them with your children. While you want them to respect your home, it’s also important that you respect them. So, we’re giving you a guide to being a good client when it comes to babysitting. Because ;et’s face it— you’re going to want them to come over again.

Babysitting Etiquette: Being a Good Client

The less last minute— the better

Don’t expect your babysitter to be free in thirty minutes for a last minute escape. Planning ahead, and scheduling their time ahead is not only respectful but it’s also more likely to be successful. If you’re using a reputable neighborhood babysitter, chances are, her Friday night is booked by Monday. Make your plans early, that way you aren’t spending your one night off all dressed up with nowhere to go.

Pay them a reasonable amount

In short, don’t try to cheap out on a babysitter. Sure, a 16 year old doesn’t necessarily need to be making $13 an hour, but $10 is quite reasonable. If you’re hiring someone who is reputable, has a lot of baby-sitting experience, and they’re coming to you last minute— pay them accordingly. Remember that you are a potential future client, just like any other business. You don’t pay well? They’ll likely go with another family. You don’t pay well even when they come last minute? Good luck getting them to return at all.

Show up when you say you will

Don’t tell your babysitter that you’ll be home at nine, only to show up at 10:30 or later. Their time is valuable as well, and you might not be their only obligation this evening. So, make sure you treat their time as you’d like your time to be treated.

Feed your sitter, too!

Babysitters are usually required from around dinner time, to beyond. So, feed them! Offer up snacks in the fridge, pantry, or if you feel uncomfortable with that— ask what snacks she prefers, or leave money for pizza. You might not want the babysitter making herself at home with your groceries. But, don’t leave them high and dry— give them some options.

Ask for additional services if you want them, don’t expect it

The number one piece of babysitting etiquette is this: don’t expect the babysitter to wash your dishes, fold the laundry, and wipe down the counters without being asked. Many families don’t expect this, however if you ask them to do so and the oblige— good for you! But, it might not hurt to pay them a little extra for doing so. They are a babysitter and not a cleaning service, after all.

Alimony Options: Understanding Different Agreements 

If you are divorcing, and trying to determine what route your alimony payments will take— understand that there are options. While the court has the final say, you and your to-be former spouse can work through the options on your own as well. Alimony options for payment typically will vary depending on a few factors.

From income level, way of life before divorce, to who played homemaker and who played ‘breadwinner’. All of these things go into the consideration. But, before you go into this process— you should understand it. So, following, you will receive a quick run through of the 5 types of alimony and when they’re typically awarded. That way, you can begin to prepare for what may come.

Alimony Options: Understanding Different Alimony Agreements

What makes calculation methods differ?

First things first, this is extremely important to understand. There is often a bad taste left in the paying spouse’s mouth, but merely because they don’t understand. You worked for this money, sure, but so did your spouse by deciding to sacrifice their career in exchange for yours.

A few factors that can affect length of time, and amount:
  • Length of marriage
  • Length of separation
  • Income of both parties
  • Future income potential
Type 1: Permanent Alimony

Permanent alimony means that the alimony payments decided upon will be paid out indefinitely. If you’re receiving permanent alimony payments, you will continue to receive them for your entire lifetime. There is the possibility of renegotiation in the case that, say, you remarry. But, barring this circumstance or a few similar ones— it is as it seems… permanent.

Type 2: Temporary Alimony

Temporary alimony is an alimony option that one spouse receives during separation and before divorce. It can be used to cover daily expenses, court costs, divorce costs, and the like. This type of alimony is obviously temporary, but is typically the first step before you move to permanent alimony

Type 3: Reimbursement Alimony

Reimbursement alimony is typically goes to a spouse that, while in the relationship, was paying a personal cost for the other. Those personal costs could be to help pay educational costs, or even the cost of starting a business. This typically occurs when the assisting spouse never had the chance to reap any benefit of the receiving spouse’s business, education, etc.

Type 4: Rehabilitative Alimony

Rehabilitative is one of the alimony options that is use quite frequently. Rehabilitative alimony is basically there to provide financial support for the spouse that is not yet, but will be financially independent. This type of alimony is only for a specific amount of time, versus permanent alimony.

Type 5: Lump-Sum Alimony

Lump-sum alimony is typically an option that both spouses will agree upon. Instead of monthly installments the paying spouse will make a one time, lump-sum payment. Typically, this will occur if the receiving spouse wants to part ways with property of high-value items. You can find a more in-depth of this type of alimony here.

Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all for alimony

There are quite a few when it comes to alimony options. But, that’s because there are quite a few different situations when it comes to finances of divorce. You’ve spent years of your life supporting one another, and that doesn’t stop when your relationship does. We wish you luck in figuring out the route that works best for you from here— and we happily offer our services if you need them.

Divorced Father and Teenage Daughter: Making the Best of Trying Years

If you’re a divorced father with teenage daughters, you likely feel a little lost in translation sometimes. Especially if your daughter lives with their mother, you might feel like you’re missing out on some of the most formative years. Your child is figuring themselves out, starting to become an adult; their own person. So, how do you connect? It can be pretty trying at times, but doing so is a necessity. The bond of a father and daughter often faces disruption after a divorce, but you can get back on track.

Divorced Father and Teenage Daughter: Making the Best of Trying Years

Set Special Days…. Way Ahead of Time

You two need time to yourself. Time that is sacred, but also, that is set way in advance. Teenage girls can often feel like the busiest people in the world to themselves. They have friends, boyfriends, jobs, school functions, ‘hanging out’, and doing all the things they want to do at the forefront. Parents, unfortunately, often fall to the wayside during those teenage years. Especially when you aren’t seeing them every day.

Out of sight, out of mind is pretty prevalent in that younger group. So, next time you see her— set the next time you’ll have a special day. Agree on something that makes you both excited, set the day, and honor it. Doing this every time will be much easier than trying to organize it through mom, or a distracted daughter.

Lift Her Up, Empower Her Goals

It’s tough to get your teenager to open up. This is something we all know because, well, we’ve been there. For girls it can be a little bit different. But, when she expresses an interest to you— encourage them! Too many parents, friends, family, etc. stick to their classic ‘you’re a pretty girl’, ‘what a beautiful lady you’re becoming’, type of compliments and starting pieces. While increasing self-esteem is related to beauty in some part, there’s a lot more to it and, to her.

If she has an interest, a strength, or something about her that is unique to her— encourage that! Whether she’s interested in guitar, a fantastic swimmer, singer, or juggler… whatever it may be. Encourage her confidence by helping her learn to embrace her uniqueness.

Text Often, Call Sometimes

The great thing about our day and age is that our kids have their phones with them all too often. But, that means, you can send them a message any time you want. Don’t expect them to answer all the time, at the very least, they’ll know you’re thinking about them and to call when they get a chance. A divorced father can have it pretty tough, especially if he lives far away. But the key is to do what you can, and with time they’ll likely come back around. Daughters are tough, but man, are teenagers difficult to handle most of the time.

The key for you, pops, is to keep your head up high and know that it will come. It might take a transition, the strike of midnight when they turn 20, or a strong realization… But, either way— we’re rooting for you and wish you luck and patience.

Non-Custodial Parent Denied Visitation: Understanding Your Rights

In the event that you are a non-custodial parent being denied your visitation rights, it’s important to understand that your rights are being violated. Many parents will sit back and bite their tongue, being that rocking the boat would ultimately feel like hurting the child. However, you as a parent, have certain rights that, when denied, can have legal ramifications. But what are they? And what can you do to ensure that you receive the visitation with your child that you deserve.

Non-Custodial Parent Denied Visitation: Understanding Your Rights

Document your denial

Chances are, the first time your visitation falls through, you’ll be upset but won’t take action. You hope it doesn’t happen again, and sulk away until next time. But, it’s important that you document the denial. You can keep record of calls, messages, or even file a police report. Ultimately, it all depends on what route you decide to take. Doing so will make sure that each parent has received the written details of your denial, but it also tells the court that you’re serious about your visitation rights.

What can the court do?

Ultimately, denial of rights for a non-custodial parent is a contempt of court. So, denying those rights can have some pretty hefty penalties. For the parent who is doing the denying, you are in contempt of court and can face fine, or be put in jail. Other than that, the court can also decide to adjust the custody arrangement accordingly. So, if you deny those rights, you could be giving up your own in the process.

Ultimately, no matter what legal route you take— denying a parent the right to see their child is wrong

If you have a custody agreement set, and the other parent is not putting your child in any danger— there is no reason to deny a parent access to their own child. You are not only breaking the law, but you are doing harm to your child. A child needs both of their parents. Whether they realize or not the importance, you as an adult must be the bigger person. While, at the child’s age, they might not understand— it’s only a matter of time before your child comes to understand what it means to be a parent; to love your child unconditionally. Imagine yourself on the flip side of this scenario— that of being denied time with your child. Seems lonely, doesn’t it?

While legal ramifications should be a consideration, even more so should be the idea of losing custody of your child.

Alimony Payments: Why They’re Necessary 

If you’ve recently been ordered by the court to provide alimony payments, it likely left a bad taste in your mouth. Why are you responsible for paying your former spouses way? Why do they deserve your hard earned money? It’s not uncommon that the paying party feels slighted by these payments. But, we’re here to tell you why you shouldn’t. Judges handle alimony and divorce proceedings every day, and while the system isn’t always perfect— there is a degree of exactness that goes into agreements such as these. So we’re going to help you understand.

Alimony Payments: Why They’re Necessary

Alimony is typically awarded to a spouse that earns less money, or carries more of the ‘family weight’ versus the financial weight. Typically, one parent will choose to stay home with the kids for a while. Ultimately, unless you have daily childcare, one parent must be there until the child starts school. In doing so, that parent is sacrificing their ability to get a job out in the world. Therefore, they are carrying the majority of the family weight, while the other spouse takes care of the financial weight.

Alimony payments allow for the parent who spent their time building a home, to find financial security

When you marry someone, ‘what’s mine is yours’ is typically the sentiment. When you start a life and family with someone, you understand that you’re both taking on important, yet different roles. But, if you go through divorce, it’s easy for you to misplace those emotions in exchange for anger. You might go from feeling as if you have shared earnings, to wanting to protect them.

By paying alimony, you’re helping your family— not your former spouse go shopping

Think of alimony as a means of keeping your family safe while you work it all out. Typically, you will receive alimony payments only for a specific amount of time. In some cases, you can even do an alimony buyout where you pay a lump sum— versus monthly installments. So, think of this as a time where you help your family grow. Your former spouse is part of your family too, and will always be if you have children together.

So, it’s important to understand the role that alimony payments are making in helping them prosper and gain the independence they sacrificed to build a home and a family for the both of you.

Contributing More Than Child Support: Why You Should 

Paying child support can sometimes leave a bad taste in the parents’ mouth. In turn, it is not uncommon that the parent paying will feel as if they do not have to contribute any further than that. But we’re here to tell you why you should be contributing more than child support. Child support is not an all-encompassing system, and there are plenty of other ways to get involved, as well as to contribute to the day-to-day operations, aside from finances. You might think you do enough, and that’s understandable. But, if you will, hear us out.

Contributing More Than Child Support: Why You Should
Child support covers the bare minimum

If you payed attention in court, you know what’s included in child support and what’s not. Basic needs consider four categories: shelter, health care, food, and clothing. That’s it. But, if you have a kid, you know there’s a lot more to it than that. They have field trips, prom, soccer, track… interests abound. While you do not have to be contributing financially to be a part of these experiences, helping that extra bit can be both helpful, and show your willingness to be more involved.

If Mom/Dad needs help purchasing something for the child, and you have the means, do it

Take for example a prom dress. A prom dress can cost anywhere from $100-$700 dollars, sometimes even more!! While we’d all like to hope that our children would head for the lower end, sometimes it doesn’t happen. And rather than tell them no on their senior prom, maybe that other parent reaches out for help. Saying “didn’t I just pay child support?” Or, “I’ve given you enough already,” instead of helping can cause a strain between you, the other parent, and possibly even the child.

Ultimately, a parent should not be defined by their financial status, but by how they contribute

No matter how we lay it out, there is always the potential that you just, plain can’t contribute any further financially. That is okay. The key is being there, creating experiences, giving your all for your child. While contributing more than child support can be strictly financial, it doesn’t have to be. Money is not the center of the universe, especially for your children. Do what you can, in any way. The key is being close to your child and being there for the experiences.

Spring Break Planning for Single Parents

If this is your first year managing spring break as a single parent, I’m sure you’re feeling a little bit overwhelmed. You have a whole week of activities to plan, kids to keep occupied, and still, work to do. So, let’s get to planning. Sure, it’s going to take a bit of work, but with a little effort— and maybe a nice glass of wine, you’ll be set for success in no time.

Spring Break Planning for Single Parents

Step one: Do not panic

You’ve got this! You’re not going to go crazy. You aren’t going to misplace one of the kids. All is well with the world. So, let’s start there, and now that we’ve covered it— on to step two.

Step two: Plan for this ahead of time

When you and Mom/Dad planned out your co-parenting schedule, spring break was (hopefully) included. So, you at least have the groundwork set for what days you’ve got. If you can, or want, to take off from work for a few days— this might be a good time to do it. You’ll have plenty of quality time with the kiddos. So, pack your days! Water park, hikes, camp outs in the backyard, picnics— have some fun with it. But, make sure to actually craft a plan so you aren’t having to run around last minute.

Step three: But, remember to be reasonable with your plans

Make sure to take into account that this is likely the first time you’re doing this on your own. Don’t be too ambitious with your plans. An example of that might be something like, planning a trip to Hawaii with two kids on your own. You’ll have to pack luggage, print plane tickets, make the boarding time… the list goes on and on. That’s a lot to handle all on your own. Don’t put yourself through so much stress just to make your kids feel better about the divorce. You guys can have just as much fun doing movies and camp outs in the living room. Don’t stretch yourself too thin!!

Step four: Lastly, remember to enjoy the time

I know it’s stressful; you have a lot to handle. But, when it all feels like too much, take a second, cool off, and remember what you’re doing. You’re spending quality time with your kids. You’re making memories, you’re enjoying yourselves as a family. It can be tough, especially  this first year after a separation. You’re facing a lot of changes, but your family isn’t one of them. Embrace the time, ride it out, and pour yourself a glass of wine on that first day back to school. You earned it.

Considering divorce? Don’t stick it out for the kids

If you’re considering divorce, you’re likely worried about what that means for your kids. We, as parents, are constantly trying to figure out how to do the best by our children. We want to nurture them, and ultimately, turn them into upstanding members of society.

You might think that ‘sticking it out’, and staying married for the kids is the way to go to keep their environment stable. But, what you might not realize is that divorce can be healthy for your kids. This idea might seem counterintuitive, but we’re going to explain to you exactly why it’s not. 

Considering divorce? Don’t stick it out for the kids: Why divorce can be a good thing
You want your children to witness healthy relationships

If you and your spouse want to divorce each other; you are not portraying healthy relationships to your child. We all want better for our kids, and a large part of that is creating quality, healthy relationships. You have to be a model for that. While divorce might seem like a terrible thing to put your kid through, it’s even worse for them to witness you fighting all the time, avoiding each other, and putting each other down. There are worse things in life than divorce, which brings me to the second point.

They will learn how to cope with turmoil

Life throws a ton of different obstacles your way. If you can’t cope? You’ll lose it. Children of divorce often have more adept coping skills because they’ve had to do it before. A child of divorce has to be able to say how they feel, what they want, and be assertive. These are great skills for any adult to have, and many people don’t possess them. They’ll build better communication skills, especially if you and your ex can communicate in a healthy way. You’re teaching your child problem solving, effective communication, and how to be a better person in hard times.

Your children will be more relaxed

Kids are extremely intuitive. They can feel the tension in a room, and they can sense it between you two. Staying together when you’re considering divorce often creates a lot of stress for everyone involved. By going ahead with it and doing what you both want, and need, to do for your own sanity— can actually relax your children. No one wants to be president during someone else’s argument. Imagine seeing and hearing it all the time… sounds tough, right?

Your teaching your children to put yourself first sometimes

Being a parent is a selfless job. Everything you do is to create a better life for your little ones, but a divorce has to come for reasons that are selfish— but not in a bad way. Choosing to have a divorce is a decision you both have to make for yourselves, and for personal reasons.

Every person needs to have a fulfilling and healthful life. Sometimes, a divorce has to be part of that process. By going through with something that will ultimately create a better life for everyone, you are teaching your children that it’s okay to put yourself first from time to time.

Encouragement for A Single Dad: You’re Doing Awesome!

Being a single parent is extremely tough. But, being a single dad in particular does with its own set of unique challenges. For one, you’re typically seen as the one who should provide, but also as the one who isn’t involved quite as much. Gender roles and expectations, while we try and defy them, still play a part in how single fathers are seen every day. So, we’re here for you guys. Following, you will find a few pieces of encouragement that every single father needs. Your job is tough, and the expectations can make you feel small sometimes. We’re here to tell you that you’re doing a great, and you should keep doing what you’re doing.

Encouragement for A Single Dad: You’re Doing Awesome!
Set aside time for yourself, you’re important too

The one thing that most single parents forget to do, is unwind. You have a lot on your plate, and your job is never ending. So, whether you time is then minutes, or an hour— create a ritual for yourself. A long, hot shower, a night on the town, or maybe even a nice date. If you don’t do something for yourself every now and then, it can be quite difficult to not resent your role every now and then. A good reset, is just what the doctor ordered.

Take pride in the small victories!

Whether that’s cooking a solid meal, getting your kid to say ‘thank you’ to a stranger, or even just one kid using the potty— celebrate!!!!! You’ve just done something awesome for your family. Use this as an opportunity to feel the presence of all your hard work, and revel in it. Being a single dad is tough, but extremely rewarding. Especially in a moment you’ve worked hard for.

It’s okay to feel relief when you’re on your own for a bit

As we’ve said, and will say again— you need a break. You don’t have to feel bad for wanting them, and you definitely don’t have to feel bad for enjoying your alone time— even if that’s at work. When you drop them off at school, that feeling of guilt over wanting to close your eyes and fall asleep right there typically takes over for a lot of single parents. But, it shouldn’t! You work hard. At work, at home, in the kitchen, baths, bedtime… you have two full-time jobs. Repeat after me: it’s okay to enjoy alone time.

Have fun with it!

Ten years down the road, you’re going to look back and miss those rainy Saturday movie days, or evenings on the basketball court. When you have the chance to spend quality, fun time with the kids— leave all that other stuff behind. Work, custody hardships, financial woes— check them at the door for a bit. You have a unique opportunity to watch your kids grow up close, and to take the credit for the awesome people they’re becoming. Be the person you want them to be, and you can never go wrong. We wish you luck on this incredible, tough, and rewarding journey.

Money Management for Newly Single Parents

Managing money when you’re a single parent is tough— especially if you don’t have any form of child or spousal support. In short, money management is tough in any situation, but especially when you’re the one handling it all. So, we’re going to give you a little bit of help. Following, you will find a guide for any single parent who is struggling to juggle it all. From starting a savings, to scheduling bills, to breaking it all down into categories. We’re here for you. So, let’s get started.

Money Management for Newly Single Parents: Getting Settled and Comfortable
Create a schedule

Make a list of every bill you have to pay month to month. From electricity, mortgage, rent, HOA fees, cable, internet— the whole nine. Write down every bill and amount you pay. Once you’ve done that, add the due dates to that list. You want to know what goes out and when. When you’ve got your list complete— add them into a calendar you look at once a day. Whether that be a computer calendar, a physical one, or on your phone. Wherever your calendar resides, add your due dates to them.

Once you’ve added your due dates— create alerts

Paying your bills on the day that they’re due is all well and good. But, cutting it close is always more stressful than doing it ahead of time. So, remind yourself a week/ a few days/ whenever you prefer. But, ahead of time. It isn’t a bad idea to set one day aside to pay all your bills. Whether it’s the first Saturday of every month, your first paycheck of the month— whenever you have the most money in your account that you will for the month, is likely the best time. You want to feel comfortable while paying bills, and that’s likely right after you get paid.

After you’ve paid your bills, throw a little in savings

Creating a budget is a great thing to do. It helps you plan for the now and the later. Your budget should always include your bills, groceries, a bit of free money, and also a savings amount. Creating a nest egg and an emergency fund are essential to lifting that stress off your shoulders in the event of an accident. Money management can be quite tough. But, writing it all down and creating a routine for maintaining what goes in and out can make it a much easier process. Good luck!