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Birds Nest Agreement: Will it Work for Me? 

When it comes to child custody, every family has their own ways of making it work. From swapping weekends, holidays, christmases, pick ups, and so forth— you each have things that make your agreement unique. One of the most jarring things about child custody swaps, is moving your child from one home to another on a regular basis. For some families, this just doesn’t feel like the right way to do things. Therefore, a certain agreement, called the birds nest agreement, has become popular for many families. So, we’re going to break it down for you, and help you decide whether this is just the move your family has been looking for. 

Birds Nest Agreement: Will it Work for Me? 

What is a birds nest agreement? 

A birds nest agreement is where you have one home for the each of you: one for Mom, Dad, and Child. In a birds nest agreement, the two parents will swap off time spent in the ‘birds nest’ when it’s their time for custody. In short, whoever has the custody time, will be in the house while the other parent will stay in their respective home. Each member has their own home, and both parents share the responsibilities of the third home. 

What is negative about this? 

Of course, the idea of having a third dwelling seems, and absolutely is, extremely costly. You have to maintain three rents/mortgages. In short, this option isn’t necessarily cost-efficient for anyone involved. 

Furthermore, this agreement can also seriously hinder a new relationship if you’re in one. You aren’t in your own home for half off the time, you share a space with your former spouse, and your time is more divided than it would be in any other situation. However, if this is important to you, it’s just another bump along the way for your relationship. 

However, there are plenty of positives

One: you solve the biggest issue for divorced parents, going back and forth between pick ups and drops offs. Your kid doesn’t have to shuffle their belongings, school work, and themselves between one home and the other. This option is stable, and skips some of the hardest things about a child custody agreement. Communication can be easy to maintain through a common calendar, white board, or other things throughout the house. 

All in all, it’s an expensive, yet stable option 

This type of agreement has it’s fair share of ups and down— as does any agreement. Ultimately, this would be a really nice option for anyone who has the financial ability to do so, and the flexibility to move from spot to spot on a regular basis. Every custody agreement is different, and each family needs something different— which makes this a viable option.

Court Attire: Dress for Success

It only takes 1/10th of a second for someone to form a first impression. This means it’s important to make as good of a first impression as possible. This is especially true in court, where the impression you give can have lasting effects on the outcome of your case. Having the proper court attire goes a long way in making that first impression on the judge a good one…

Court Attire: Dress for Success

Keep it classy

Everyday clothing has become much more relaxed these days than in the past. The rise of business casual dress codes also means that some people are unaware of what “normal” business attire should consist of. This can translate to potentially unprofessional court attire.

You’ll want to approach dressing for court like dressing for a job interview. For men, this means collared shirts, dress pants, and ties. For women, dresses, skirts and blouses, or dress pants and tops will work. Make sure they are simple with no crazy designs or colors as well. 

Tattoos and piercings 

Tattoos and body piercings have also become much more common these days. However, how do they apply when thinking of court attire? What would be considered appropriate versus crossing the line? It really comes down to finding the best way to mix looking professional versus expressing yourself.

You’ll probably want to wear clothes that’ll cover your tattoos as best as possible. You’ll also want to take out any “unique” piercings like nose or lip ones. Additionally, if you have colored hair, make sure to dye it to a natural color for your court appearance. This shows the judge you’re going the extra mile to be professional in their courtroom. 

It’s all about respect

Proper court attire all comes down to showing respect for court and the judge. If the judge sees that you’re putting in the effort to treat your case seriously, then it boosts your credibility. Dressing properly isn’t a guarantee of success, of course; it just means you’re starting off on the right foot. 

Dressing is just one part of the full courtroom experience. You’ll also need to make sure you’re aware of proper courtroom etiquette. Having both perfected will let you and your lawyer focus on the case at hand rather than any distractions. 

Preparing for the Death of a Parent

Preparing for the death of a parent is a difficult thing to even think about. However, as parents age, it’s important to discuss with them what they want for their end of life care. It’s best to discuss things like estate planning or legal decisions while they are still healthy and in full control of their faculties. It’s also important to be proactive about your mental health. Gather your support system around you, and begin speaking with a mental health professional and getting into healthy routines. Discuss estate planning with your parents so they can decide how they want their assets and possessions to be handled after death. And finally, discuss things like end of life care so that you know you are following their wishes when it comes to their medical treatment. This is a painful topic to think about, and it can be emotional for families to discuss. However, it can help relieve stress in the end because you will feel confident that you are honoring your parent’s wishes.

Preparing for the Death of a Parent: A Difficult Time

Be Proactive About Mental Health

When preparing for the death of a parent, it’s important to be proactive about your mental health. This will be an incredible difficult time for you, your spouse, children, and your other living parent if you have one. It’s a good idea to find a therapist or mental health professional to speak to about your concerns ahead of time. That way, they can help you prepare mentally and can help guide you through this difficult time. Get into a healthy routine of exercise, getting sleep, and eating a balanced diet so that your body is able to face the stresses of grief. 

Gather Your Support System

It’s also helpful to begin gathering your support system early when preparing for the death of a parent. Let close friends or family know what is happening, and let them know how they can be helpful. People don’t always know exactly how to respond in situations like this, so offering them some ideas of what can be supportive will help. For example, you might ask that they prepare meals or provide childcare while you tend to your parent.

Estate Planning

While it can be awkward to discuss, it is important to consider estate planning if you’re preparing for the death of a parent. If they are still in control of their mental faculties, they’ll need to consider how they want their assets and possessions handled after death. If they have a living spouse, it’s something they should discuss together so that the spouse knows what their wishes are for when they eventually pass too. Hiring an experienced estate attorney can help you navigate decisions like passing down property, assets, and possessions.

End of Life Decisions

Finally, you’ll also need to discuss end of life decisions if possible. There are many questions to be asked when it comes to end of life care. For example, do they want CPR or resuscitation? Do they want a feeding tube or ventilator? Who do they want making medical decisions on their behalf? Having an idea of what they prefer can give you peace of mind that you are honoring their wishes. They might also have preferences when it comes to funeral arrangements or burial vs cremation. While it’s painful and uncomfortable to discuss, these are important decisions that they might have strong feelings about, so it’s best to hear it straight from them if possible.

There is nothing that can alleviate the pain of preparing for the death of a parent. But getting as many things in order before it happens can help you deal with the logistical side of things early so that you can focus on your emotional wellbeing when the time comes. Be proactive about mental health care for yourself and family by finding a therapist or counselor to talk to. Gather your support system and let them know what kind of things will help in the upcoming weeks. If possible, have your parent discuss their estate planning decisions with you and their living spouse if applicable. They’ll also need to decide on end of life decisions like who they want in charge of their medical care, and what kinds of treatments they prefer. While it’s uncomfortable to think about, and definitely painful to discuss, having these conversations can actually make things less stressful when they pass away. You’ll know that you are honoring their wishes and won’t have to wonder if you are making the right decisions.

Common Divorce Reasons

People divorce for a wide variety of reasons. However, some reasons tend to be more common than others. These common divorce reasons can be indicators of when things are going south. Knowing these signs can help you realize when you might need to change course, or if it’s best to call things off…

Common Divorce Reasons

Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most common divorce reasons. Cheating and affairs tend to be a breaking point for a lot of marriages. For many couples, this represents a violation of trust between each partner. Once this trust is violated, it’s hard for couples to reconcile and come back together.

The reasons behind why partners cheat aren’t always so clear-cut. Sometimes, it’s due to underlying issues in the relationship, especially in regards to intimacy. Other times, it could be due to pent up frustrations, or just when a partner gives into temptation. Ultimately, it’s up to you to determine if you can work things out with your spouse, or if you want to split.

Poor communication

Communication troubles also are one of the common divorce reasons. Good communication is an important foundation for any marriage. Couples who are able to talk to one another in a healthy and productive manner tend to work out their issues both quickly, and in a way that leaves both sides happy.

However, couples with poor communication tend to struggle. They end up in constant arguments, which just get worse and worse over time. Eventually, this leads to both partners becoming fed up with each other, and many will opt for divorce to prevent things from getting even worse.

Abuse

Abuse is one of the most unfortunate common divorce reasons. Marriage, and life itself is difficult, and sadly some people take out their frustrations out on their spouses. In these situations, divorce is a means for someone to get away from their abuser.

Abuse doesn’t have to be physical. In fact, it can also be emotional, or a combination of each. Either way, any kind of abuse is something which shouldn’t be tolerated. Remember that a person’s own personal safety should take priority in any kind of relationship.

Narcissistic Ex: How To Communicate

Figuring out how to talk to your ex as a co-parent can be pretty tough. This can only get harder if you’re dealing with a narcissistic ex. While it might feel impossible at first, there are ways you can make it a bit easier for yourself when you have to talk to them…

Narcissistic Ex: How To Communicate

Don’t take the bait

One of the trickiest parts of talking to a narcissistic ex is how they like to change the subject. Often times, they might try to steer the conversation towards themselves or what they’re doing, in order to show off. Or, they might make jabs at you to try and get under your skin.

When this happens, it’s important to not take the bait. They want to get you upset, and in turn make you lose focus of the conversation’s original goal. Do your best to ignore those comments and stick to what you need to discuss. If they refuse to focus, then disengage and tell them you’ll talk at a later time.

Stick to “yes” or “no” answers

If a narcissistic ex tries to ask you questions, especially over email or text, they tend to make them not as straightforward as they should. For instance, they might include some kind of backhanded comment or brag about what they’re doing. While you might feel the need to correct the record, the best response is to keep your answers brief.

Ignore all the stuff they included that isn’t relevant to what you have to do as a co-parent. Single out those questions, and make it clear you’re only replying to that part of the question. For example, if they ask if you can watch the kids, but try to insert a brag about themselves, just say “yes, I can watch the kids” and leave it at that.

Set your boundaries

A narcissist, especially a narcissistic ex, loves to poke and prod at your boundaries. They want to push your buttons, find out what you’re doing, and figure out a way to either put you down, or lift themselves up. That’s why it’s important to keep your boundaries firm. Don’t give them any room to work with, and if they don’t respect the boundaries, then you know your conversation isn’t worth continuing.

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Divorce is an extremely stressful event for both the people involved and their families. Due to this, it might not be a bad idea to consider divorce therapy. However, if you’ve never met with a therapist before, this can feel like a daunting task. Still, it might help you to know how exactly these professionals can help…

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Cope with emotions

Divorce is an emotional time, and sometimes those emotions can get overwhelming. This becomes very apparent if they’re negative emotions. Many times, these emotions can end up getting the better of people and negatively impact their divorce.

However, divorce therapy can help you cope with your emotions. A therapist can work with you to figure out where exactly these emotions are stemming from and what causes you to feel them. That way, you can work on strategies to keep the under control in a healthy and productive manner, and eventually work past them.

Help with the kids

Divorce therapy can also be helpful if you’re a parent. Divorce can have a pretty significant impact on your children. Due to this, many parents worry about what exactly they should or shouldn’t be doing, and what kinds of things they should look for in their children’s behavior.

A therapist can help you better understand what’s going through your kids’ heads. This is especially true if you meet up with a family therapist. These therapists help out all members of the family, and can have both you and your children work together to better understand how you each feel about what’s going on.

Build a plan for the future

One of the worst aspects of divorce is the uncertainty it brings. With the end of your marriage, the plans you used to have for the future are probably no longer possible. Many people get anxious when thinking about their new future, and are unsure of where exactly they should start to get things going again.

However, if you choose divorce therapy, then you can work with your therapist to build a new plan. The therapist can help you figure out what exactly you might be afraid of and how to get excited for the new opportunities in your life. That way, you can start to feel more confident about your life post-divorce.

Support Groups: What To Consider

The pain and loss that comes with divorce can be difficult to go through alone. Therefore, you’ll want to lean on your support system for help. One key part of this system are support groups. However, finding a group that works for you depends on a few factors…

Support Groups: What To Consider

What’s the focus?

Divorce support groups tend to have two main types of focus areas: informational and processing. Informational groups tend to spend time on learning tools and recovery. At these meetings, you’ll learn about different methods to help you adjust to your divorce, and make changes in your life.

However, processing groups are more focused on personal experiences. These are places where people can come and share their experiences with others who know how they feel. Furthermore, you can hear from others what helped them with recovery. You’ll want to figure out what kind of focus fits you the best.

How is the schedule?

You’ll also need to consider what kind of schedule these support groups have. Different groups will tend to have different kinds of schedules. Some might meet once a week, while others might meet on a more consistent basis. Plus, you’ll have to consider what days of the week a group might meet on.

Look at what your schedule looks like now, and see what kind of groups work with that. Don’t forget to consider the time duration as well. For instance maybe you’re only free at certain times each day. You won’t want to sign up for a group which could make you late for other things like work!

Is there an attendance policy?

Support groups are all dependent on those who show up to them. As a result, some groups might have stricter attendance policies than others. This usually is done to ensure that each meeting can be productive and worthwhile. After all, it isn’t fair to those who do come if not enough other people show up.

Still, you might need some flexibility. Maybe you have kids or other things which can impact your schedule. In these cases, most groups are understanding if you give them a heads-up in advance. However, it might be worth it to find one that is less strict if you know things might constantly come up. You can even look for groups which are online too.

Post-Divorce Bitterness

Odds are that you’re probably going to be feeling a wide range of emotions after your divorce. However, one that you’d want to avoid is post-divorce bitterness. Those bitter feelings can seriously get in the way of your progress after your divorce. Therefore, it’s important to know how you can push past these negative feelings…

Post-Divorce Bitterness

The problem with bitterness

Post-divorce bitterness is a nasty feeling to have. Bitterness can make even the most optimistic person become angery and upset at their life. Plus, it can have a negative effect on those around you. In general, being bitter makes it’s very hard for you to begin moving on after your divorce. 

Bitterness comes from being angry and frustrated over how you’ve been treated by your ex. Still, keep in mind that it’s all in the past. While you can’t change the past, you can work on making a better future for yourself. However, if you’re still feeling bitter, you won’t be able to start planning out that future.

Identify the sources

 Tackling that post-divorce bitterness can seem difficult at first. After all, being bitter can be a general feeling, and it can be hard to figure out where it’s directly coming from. That’s why it helps to really focus in on where the bitterness is coming from. A good way to do this is to write them down. 

Luckily, you don’t have to write anything complex. Just one or two quick sentences about what is making you feel bitter. For example, maybe you feel some resentment over something about your settlement. Or, maybe it’s because your ex is in a new relationship. Whatever it might be, it’s important to get it written down. 

Change your thinking

Once you identified where the post-divorce bitterness is coming from, then you can start to work on getting rid of it. This comes down to changing how you think about the causes you’ve identified. While you might see these as negatives before, odds are you can easily see where they may be positives. 

For example, say your ex is in a new relationship. Maybe this makes you feel resentment over how they’ve seemingly moved on. However, consider that while you’re going to work on self-improvement, your ex is still the same. That means someone else will get to deal with them while you get to improve yourself and potentially find someone you deserve. 

Divorce Health: Unhealthy Signs

When it comes to divorce health, most people assume it refers to one’s mental health. While that is an important part of it, that’s still just one half of the equation. There’s also the physical aspect to consider. As it turns out, divorce can impact a person’s well-being in many potentially harmful ways…

Divorce Health: Unhealthy Signs

Drastic Weight changes

One of the signs of poor divorce health is drastic weight changes. It’s not uncommon for people in stressful situations to reach for some comfort food. Of course, divorce is no different. The nice feeling we get from these foods can give some temporary relief from the stress. However, many times, people end up overdoing it on these more-unhealthy food choices.

In some situations, the opposite ends up being true. The stress of divorce doesn’t cause them to reach for comfort food. Instead, it leads them to either forget, or feel like they don’t need to eat. Instead of gaining weight, these people end up losing drastic amounts.

Trouble sleeping

Another sign of poor divorce health is trouble with sleeping. Many times, this tends to be a result of divorce-related depression. Combined with the stress of divorce, and it’s very easy for people to start sleeping less and less. Eventually, this turns into full-blown insomnia.

Still, some people might not face issues with just falling asleep. Their problems might be more in regards to staying asleep. People who are divorcing tend to find themselves waking up constantly throughout the night. Nightmares are also an unfortunately common symptom which make it harder for them to sleep.

Heart problems

Heart problems are some of the most dangerous signs of poor divorce health. In fact, a recent study by the Journal of Marriage and Family found that divorced people are at a higher risk of developing heart problems than their non-divorced peers. But what is it exactly that causes this increase?

As it turns out, it can be a number of things. For starters, there’s the constant stress which put a lot of strain on the heart. Plus, other symptoms like a poor diet or sleeping schedule can also contribute to overall heart problems.

Post-Divorce Cleaning: Remove Clutter

After your divorce, you might struggle to have the energy and motivation you used to have. This can have some negative outcomes, especially on the cleanliness of your home. That’s why some post-divorce cleaning might be in order. Getting rid of some clutter can help you get re-energized for the road ahead…

Post-Divorce Cleaning: Remove Clutter

The issue with clutter

The thing about clutter build-up is that it doesn’t happen instantly. Instead, it’s often a more gradual process. As people begin to struggle with post-divorce motivation, they tend to just toss things wherever. Or, if they just moved, then they may struggle to have the motivation to fully unpack, leading to more clutter.

Eventually, this becomes a cycle. As more clutter builds up, you don’t want to clean it. But, because you don’t want to clean it, there will be even more clutter in the future. As a result, it’s best to get started on your post-divorce cleaning as soon as you can.

Start small

The biggest issue that prevents people from post-divorce cleaning is feeling overwhelmed. Seeing mounds of things which need to be cleaned can quickly kill motivation. However, that’s why it’s important to not try and tackle everything at once.

It’s better to start small and work on specific sections of the house. For instance, maybe you first start with the bedroom. Then, you work your way up to some more larger rooms, like the kitchen or living room. Do this and in a few days you can see some real progress being made.

Have a plan for after

Once you’ve done your post-divorce cleaning, you want to make sure to plan to avoid future clutter. It helps to think of a plan to keep things organized. For instance, you could get organizing bins or drawers which can help keep things in order. You can also try and regularly clean to prevent too much build-up.

It also helps to think about how you might want to redecorate a room after it’s clean. Redecorating can really change the overall atmosphere and feelings a room give off, making you want to keep it clean. Plus, it serves as great motivation for when you’re doing the cleaning process.