Category: Dating

Dating After Divorce: First Steps

Dating is never easy, but dating after divorce can feel daunting. It presents its own set of challenges. Perhaps it’s been a long time since you were even looking for someone to date. Use these tips to make this overwhelming experience feel a little bit easier.

Dating After Divorce: Where to Start

Self-Reflect

Before you even start thinking about dating after divorce, do a good hard look at your past. Unfortunately, it can be tough to dig deep like this. However, taking this step can help you to make sure you are not making the same mistakes over and over again. What went wrong in your marriage? What qualities did you like about your ex? Also, what qualities did you dislike? Think about traits they had that brought out both the best and the worst in you. Make a list of what you want in a partner, and what traits you want to avoid. 

Drop the Anger

Sure, you may still be really hurt about what happened in the past. There’s no denying that. But if you want to start dating after divorce, you have to work towards forgiving your ex. Carrying around anger towards your ex is like carrying around a heavy weight. Also, you could bring that anger and stress into your new relationship. Don’t feel ashamed to talk to someone or get help if you need help through the healing process. Letting go of the extra weight to find a new found freedom that will have you feeling ready and open to letting someone else in. 

Complaining about your ex is not what your new date wants to hear, especially on the first few dates. Keep conversations to what is important to you, and listen to your new date. Remember, they want to know you and not your ex. 

Expand Your Options

Perhaps you think you have a type. Maybe your ‘type’ has characteristics that did not work in the first place. Don’t limit yourself to only wanting to date one type of person. You should try going out with some people who don’t fit the mold of who you usually look for. You could be looking past some real gems! 

That being said, go with your gut. If you’re dating after divorce, don’t waste your time with someone you have a bad feeling about. Certainly, if you see red flags, get out. Do not stick around with someone who does not feel right. 

Online Dating

If you don’t know where to start, give online dating a try. Maybe online dating was not a thing the last time you were looking to date? That’s okay, give it a try. It is becoming one of the top ways to meet people now. When you are looking to start dating after divorce, online dating can help you ease back into the dating game by allowing you to get comfortable with just talking to people in messages. A tip is to have someone or several people you trust help you build, or approve, your profile. That way you make sure you’re set up for success.

There are many online dating sites out there now. There are even ones for different interests, religious affiliations, and age ranges. Read reviews and breakdowns to know which of the dating websites may be the best fit for you. 

In short, getting back into dating after divorce may feel overwhelming. Just take one step at a time. These steps will help you make your first steps towards finding a new relationship!

Dating After an Abusive Relationship

Dating after an abusive relationship can be daunting to think about. If you have escaped an abusive relationship, you might be extremely nervous about trusting another person. It can be difficult to even put yourself out there. You might also question what a healthy relationship looks like. It’s important to be gentle with yourself and recognize that all of these feelings are perfectly normal. Healing after abuse takes time, and you want to make sure that you have mentally coped with the trauma before moving to a new relationship. Educate yourself on what healthy relationships look like. Always follow your instincts when it comes to dating. If something feels off, leave. And finally, take things very slow. Easing back into dating can be a lot if you’re also healing from trauma. Take things at your own pace and build trust slowly with new partners.

Dating After an Abusive Relationship: How to Start Again

Take Time to Heal

Before your begin dating after an abusive relationship, it’s important to take plenty of time to heal. You might have deep scars from your abusive relationship. Both physical and mental. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, and both take time to heal from. Reach out to a therapist and speak to somebody you trust if you find that you are having trouble coping with the abuse. Don’t try to start dating until you feel like you are in a healthy mental state.

Educate Yourself

Next, before dating after an abusive relationship, educate yourself. Your views of what’s normal and not normal might be warped from your abusive relationship. Learn what a healthy dating life looks like. Do a little research on the many ways that emotional abuse can present. If you know what to look for, you can spot a red flag more easily with future relationships.

Follow Your Gut

Always follow your gut when dating after an abusive relationship. If anything feels “off” about your date, don’t be afraid to leave. If you have been dating somebody for a while and they are controlling, quick-tempered, or disrespectful, it can be an early warning sign of abuse. Trust your instincts and get out early if you sense any sort of red flags with a partner.

Take Things Slow

Finally, when dating after an abusive relationship, take things slow. Take time to get to know anybody that you date. Make sure that you trust them completely before getting too intimate with them. When you are comfortable, you can open up about your abuse with them. If any partner is pressuring you to move more quickly than you are comfortable with, they are not respecting your needs. This is a major red flag in a relationship. A loving partner should allow you to take as much time as you need to be comfortable with getting intimate.

Dating after an abusive relationship can bring up a lot of emotions. Often people find that they haven’t really taken enough time to cope with their abuse. If this is the case with you, try not to pressure yourself into dating too quickly. Take time to fully heal from your trauma. Educate yourself on what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. Always follow your gut instincts about a potential partner, and get out quickly if they show any abusive tendencies. Finally, take things slow with anybody that you begin dating. If they are pressuring you to move too quickly, then they are not being respectful of you. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find a loving partner who you can completely trust and who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

Toxic Relationships

Given enough time after your divorce, you might be thinking about dating again. However, you have to be careful about toxic relationships. These kinds of relationships could seriously hurt your efforts to recover and move on with a new partner. Therefore, you need to watch for some common signs…

Toxic Relationships

Trouble communicating

Communication issues are quite common in toxic relationships. In a healthy relationship, both partners will be able to talk openly and freely. This will help them solve issues without getting into arguments. Being able to talk to one another will boost your bond and improve the overall quality of your relationship.

By contrast, toxic partners struggle with properly talking to each another. Many times, their conversations end up in arguments. These arguments can erupt over the simplest of things. In fact, it might get to the point where you can’t even talk to one another at all!

Constant put-downs

Toxic relationships also tend to suffer from issues with contempt. This happens when your partner feels like they’re “better” than you are. Due to this, they don’t treat you with the respect you deserve. They may roll their eyes at you, respond with put-downs to your suggestions, or constantly use mean words when talking to you.

Sometimes, it can be hard to pick up on contempt. This is mainly because of gaslighting. You might think that it’s just because your partner is in a bad mood or you said something wrong. Try to really think about what you said, and how your partner responded. If it seems off, then it’s probably a sign of contempt.

Trust issues

Trust is crucial for any healthy relationship. Both partners need to be able to trust one another for things to work out in the long run. Therefore, it’s no surprise that trust issues are prevalent in toxic relationships.

Without any trust, the foundation of the relationship won’t be stable. Things like keeping secrets or constantly lying will just cause things to continue to deteriorate. Furthermore, it’ll also make it harder to believe when your partner is telling the truth. This can lead to arguments, and eventually a split sooner rather than later.

Online Dating Post-Divorce

Once you’ve given yourself some time to move on from your divorce, you might be interested in dating again. Online dating sites in particular might seem appealing, albeit intimidating. However, online dating post-divorce can be done. To help your chances, try to keep some tips in mind…

Online Dating Post-Divorce

Match & move on

One thing to avoid when doing online dating post-divorce is “pining.” That’s when you match with someone, send them a message, and then constantly wait and stress for them to get back to you. Eventually, if they don’t respond, you feel dejected and demoralized for future matches.

The thing about online dating is that the overall response rate is low. Still, this is offset by the sheer number of people who use them. Therefore, don’t obsess over every single match. Send them a message, and then move on to another potential match. It’s not worth obsessing over someone you’ve never met!

Watch for fakes

Another thing to be aware of when online dating post-divorce are fake profiles. Not everyone online is who they claim they are. Sometimes, they might be scammers who are trying to pull a fast one on you. They may try and get some kind of money out of you, or other personal info in order to access your bank accounts.

Therefore, be careful about who you talk to and what you share. After all, it’s always important to protect your privacy online. If anyone tries to ask you for some kind of money or is asking for super-specific info, then don’t take the risk. Rather, move on and block or report them.

Meet up in-person

Once you made a match while doing online dating post-divorce, don’t just keep things online only. This might seem obvious, but the reality is that nearly 1/3rd of people who match online don’t meet in-person. If you want to start off on the right foot, then you’ll want to make sure you meet in- person.

You don’t have to go on some big date or anything. Just meeting at a place like a coffee shop can be enough for you to get a feel of who they are. If things go well, then you can transition things into more in-person dates.

Elderly Parent Getting Re-Married: What to Know

An elderly parent getting re-married can feel a bit jarring, but it’s not actually that uncommon. Because people are living longer and in better health, more and more older folks are deciding to take another chance on love even in their seventies and beyond. However, it’s important to have a conversation with them and make sure that you are on the same page about avoiding scams and protecting them financially. There are potential benefits to the union, and it’s something that you should really give them space and autonomy on deciding. However, there are definitely some things to discuss and things that you might need to make sure they’ve thought about before they head down the aisle. For many, getting married at an older age can be a second chance at happiness and can help them make sure that they have a companion to share their golden years with.

Elderly Parent Getting Re-Married: What to Know to Protect Them 

Why It’s More Common

An elderly parent getting re-married is becoming more common mostly because our quality and length of life is extending. Medicine is improving and the quality of care for the elderly can make their last years much more peaceful. Many retirees living in retirement communities are finding new partners because they are in a place with our people that might share their same interests and experiences. It’s also become less of a stigma to go through divorce, so there are more single elderly people than in previous generations that are feeling more confident in choosing a new partner, even later in life.

Avoiding Scams

While we’d like to think that an elderly parent getting re-married is as innocent as we think, the truth is that there are a lot of scammers out there that target older populations in particular. Therefore, if your parent is expressing interest in a new partner, it’s helpful to try to get to know the person and see what your impression is. If they are significantly younger, if they seem overly concerned about talking about merging finances, or if there are other red flags, it might be worth it to do a little digging into their background.

Potential Benefits

There are a lot of benefits to an elderly parent getting re-married though, and it’s something that you should try to give them autonomy over. After all, they are adults who can make their own decisions. But that’s not to say that your opinions should be totally ignored. However, writing this off or treating it as something less than serious can actually be missing the point that a marriage might really benefit them. For example, it can give them a new lease on life, it can help them prevent loneliness as they get older, and it can create a relationship that helps them be more accountable for their health. 

Things to Consider 

There are definitely some things to consider and items that you’ll want to discuss with your parent. For example, are they planning on merging their assets with their new partner? Or are they going to sign a pre-nuptial agreement? Merging their life with another person might affect things like their retirement benefits, healthcare, social security, or veterans benefits. Additionally, it means splitting their assets up between potential step children that they might not necessarily have as close a relationship with. Finally, it can also mean that you now are inviting new siblings into your family traditions, which can buck the dynamic a bit. While none of these should necessarily be deal-breakers, they are things that you and your parent should discuss.

An elderly parent getting married can actually be a great thing for their mental health and overall wellness. People with partners are generally happier, they have more energy, better social lives, and they have somebody that can help them keep track of health issues or notice new concerns. The trend is becoming more common as people live longer and longer, and as older folks are feeling more comfortable leaving unhappy marriages and striking out in new relationships, even at an advanced age. If you are getting some red flags about the situation, you should do a little digging and make sure that they are not being targeted as a victim of a scam.

However, try to keep an open mind if everything seems on the up and up. While it might come as a shock, it can actually be a really monumental decision for your parent, and one that you should take as seriously as they took your engagement. Finally, there are definitely things that you should try to get on the same page with them about, like end of life care, health concerns in the partner and how they plan to handle their care, estate planning concerns, or just the general dynamic of merging two new families. While it can be a lot to consider, it might mean that your parent spends their later years much happier with a companion that they can share their experiences with.

How-to Take a Break From Dating After Divorce

When your divorce is finalized, you may be tempted to jump right back into the dating pool. Some people even start looking for new prospects while they are only just separated. While it may seem like a good idea to put yourself back out there right away, it may actually be better to take a break from dating after divorce. That way, you can give yourself some time for yourself and hopefully set yourself up for success when you do get back into looking for a partner.

How-to Take a Break From Dating After Divorce: Taking Time For Yourself

Emotional Healing

Divorce can be mentally, physically, and emotionally draining. You will likely carry a lot of hurt with you. Before you are ready to commit yourself to another person, it is best to work through your pain and emotions. This will prevent you from carrying that hurt into your next relationship, and potentially sabotaging it. The same may happen if you are overly suspicious or bitter right after your divorce. Do not try and look for a partner right away in order to mask your pain. If you have not dealt with your emotions, they are bound to come boiling back up at some point. Some people think they have to be in a relationship in order to be happy. This is not the case. If you have not worked through your emotions, it is best to take a break from dating after divorce.

Instead, work towards healing emotionally. You can talk to a councilor or a trusted friend. Also, work towards being the best version of yourself that you can be. Meditation, exercise, reading, and taking time to relax are all good for your wellbeing and mental health.

Occupy Your Time

Find things other than dating to distract you and occupy your time after a divorce. Pick up a new hobby or work on self-improvement during this time. Who knows, you could end up sharing your new hobbies with your future partner one day. There were things that did not work during your last relationship, so this is the perfect time to look within and try and correct those things so that you can avoid those bad habits or traits when going into a new relationship.

If you take a break from dating after divorce, choose to spend time with friends for companionship. This will help you stay busy with events and things to do instead of looking to date. Even if your friends are all in relationships, try and carve out good one-on-one time to spend with your friends too.

Instead of looking for a new relationship just after a divorce, take this time to work on yourself and find other things to occupy your time. Instead of jumping into a new relationship that is all wrong, take a break from dating after divorce. While it may seem difficult at the time, you will appreciate the time to yourself eventually.

How-to Regain Self-Confidence After a Divorce

Divorce can be painful in many ways. It can hurt your pride, heart, mind, and even self-confidence. It can change the way you view yourself, and make you feel like you have lost your identity. Having a change in marital status does not define you. Do not ever think that a divorce impacts your value or your self-worth. Here are some steps to take to regain your self-confidence after a divorce.

How-to Regain Self-Confidence After a Divorce: Redefining Yourself

Change Your Mindset

One of the first steps to regaining your self-confidence after a divorce is to change your mindset. No matter how you may feel, remind yourself that you are not a failure due to your divorce. Also, your marriage was not a failure. Many people go through this same thing, so it is important to know that not all marriages last. Change your mindset to look as this journey as one of courage. It takes a lot of courage to step out of something that was not working, especially something that was familiar and comfortable. You are now entering into this new phase of life with the gift and benefit of experience.

Your Children

It is important to remember that your children are not automatically irreparably damaged just because you got divorced. Actually, living in an environment full of fighting and anger can be harmful to children. Therefore, it may actually be better for your children’s wellbeing that you left the bad relationship and removed them from the negative environment. What will leave a lasting impression on your kids is how you handle the divorce process. Do your best to walk through it with dignity and respect, never slandering your ex in front of your kids. Understanding that your choice to leave a relationship does not automatically make you a bad parent or ruin your children is an important part of regaining your self-confidence after a divorce.

Be Active

Exercise is linked to endorphins, which can make you feel happier. Plus, it will make you healthier, both mentally and physically. Find an activity that you enjoy, whether it is walking, running, cycling, doing yoga, or any other option. If you are new to this activity, this might help you find a new community to become a part of. In the same way, if you have already participated in the activity before, it can help you reconnect or be surrounded with a community of people you have something in common with.

An added bonus to exercise is that you will look and feel better. When you move, you will mentally start to feel better. On top of that, you will start seeing positive changes to your overall health and body. When you start to notice positive changes in how you look and feel, you will start to regain your self-confidence after a divorce.

Classic Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Classic signs of a toxic relationship can indicate physical abuse or emotional abuse. There are many ways that a relationship can be toxic but there are red flags to look out for. First, any sort of physical abuse is a clear indicator that your partner is toxic. A controlling or isolating relationship is also a sign of abuse. Gaslighting is a clear signal and form of psychological abuse. And finally, verbal abuse is of course toxic as well. If you see any signs of these types of behavior, it might be time to really examine your relationship and see if it has a future.

Classic Signs of a Toxic Relationship: Am I In One?

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is the most obvious of the classic signs of a toxic relationship. Nobody, man or woman, should ever be violent with their partner. If your partner gets physical with you, it’s a dangerous warning sign. Physical abusers often follow their violence with apologies. However, the abuse is likely to continue. If your partner is abusive, contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline for help in getting out of the relationship safely.

Controlling/Isolating

Another of the classic signs of a toxic relationship is one that is very controlling. If you feel that your partner makes all of the decisions in your relationship, they might be too controlling. In addition, controlling partners often want to isolate their victims. For example, they may make their partners feel guilty for wanting alone time. Or for having close relationships with other friends and family. Look out if you feel that your personal relationships have really been declining because of a new partner. It could be because they are trying to control and isolate you.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is one of the lesser-known signs of a toxic relationship. However, it is a form of psychological abuse. This happens when your partner tries to make you believe something other than the truth. Or they may have you doubting your own feelings. A classic type of gaslighting is when somebody tries to make you feel overly emotional or crazy. They may make you question your actions, memories, or even your sanity.

Verbally Abusive

One final example of the classic signs of a toxic relationship is verbal abuse. Any partner that attacks you verbally does not deserve to be with you. Partners should not insult, belittle. or name call. In addition, if your partner frequently yells at you, this is a form of verbal abuse. Often, verbally abusive partners treat their victims very differently alone than they do when others are around. A verbally abusive relationship can have a lot of negative effects on your mental health, so it’s best to leave it as soon as possible.

Signs of a toxic relationship can be obvious but can also be subtle. In addition, there are many different types of toxic relationships. If your partner is physically abusive, you need to seek help immediately to get out of the relationship safely. If your partner is overly controlling or makes you feel isolated from friends and family, it can definitely be a red flag. In addition, a partner who gaslights you is showing signs of psychological abuse. And finally, name-calling and other forms of verbal abuse are dangerous to your mental well-being. If you see any of these signs in your partner, it might be time to take a closer look at your relationship. You deserve to be with a partner who respects you and wants to build you up. Not tear you down. If you need help leaving an abusive relationship, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Trust Issues: Frequent Signs

Trust issues can be a big reason as to why a couple may get a divorce. Still, not many people are aware of what these issues may look like. Having a better understanding of these signs can be handy for spotting and avoiding them in the future…

Trust Issues: Figure Them Out

Anticipating betrayal

One usual sign of trust issues are when you or your partner expect some kind of betrayal. Now, if you were dealing with someone who has a track record of lying, this would make sense. However, odds are your relationship doesn’t have this. Despite this, you may still expect one day to find your spouse is lying or cheating.

Even if they have shown no indication of this, you still plan for it nonetheless. For some, this is because of trust violation in the past. The thing is, all relationships are different. You have to be willing to give a fair chance to your partner.

Trusting too quickly

On the other side of trust issues are problems trusting too quickly. If you don’t have a lot of experience with building relationships based on trust, then you could offer a lot of trust to those who haven’t given you a reason to. It could be that you end up placing a lot of trust in someone you’ve known for a short time.

Trust, much like with respect, has to be earned. You need to be able to see and get a feeling for someone in order to be able to trust them. It’s good to approach any potential new friend or partner with an open mind, extending trust to them as you build a repertoire.

Mistakes are blown up

Blowing up mistakes into apparently massive issues are another example of trust issues. Everyone is going to mistakes, especially in relationships. Some will be pretty minor and not worth sweating. Yet, if you have issues with trust, you could potentially see them as part of a bigger issue.

Maybe your partner is running a bit late, or isn’t able to answer your calls. If you have problems trusting, then you may view this as them hiding something from you or hating you. In reality, they aren’t big deals, and you have to view them from the right mindset.

Balancing Time: Being Together Vs. Alone

Like many things in life, a good relationship will require balancing time. However, many couples struggle to find a good balance of time spent together and time spent alone. Figuring out a good mix can help avoid some potential issues a poor balance can bring…

Balancing Time: Find Some Middle Ground

Time together

The first aspect of balancing time is the time you spend together as a couple. It’s ideal that a couple will like spending time with each other. Additionally, while this time can be spent in many ways, the key thing is you enjoy being with your partner. Whether you’re out doing something or just relaxing at home, you’ll still value each other’s company.

Still, too much time together can potentially be bad. Even the most-inseparable couples need some space away from each other from time to time. If you don’t have that time, you’ll find you and your partner will begin to get irritated, even if you can’t tell why at first. Eventually, you won’t want to spend any time with them if you can help it.

Time apart

This is where time apart comes into the balancing time mix. This will be time you spend doing things without your partner being there. Many people spend this time being with friends or family. Still, you can also spend this time by yourself, either doing a hobby or just relaxing.

Of course, too much time apart can also be an issue. Not being with your partner can cause them to think you don’t care about them or love them. Over time, this can result in trust issues to develop. These issues can get to the point where your relationship is unable to recover.

Strike your balance

Balancing time is something every couple has to try and figure out. As every couple is a bit different, this balance will look different from one to another. Plus, it might take some experimentation before you find the balance which works for you.

The important thing is you and your partner work together to find this perfect balance. Talk to each other and figure out some ways to really enjoy your time together. Then, also discuss when and why you may want some time apart. Being on the same page will go a long way in avoiding potential problems.