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Category: Divorce

Maintaining Mutual Friendships After Divorce

Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce can be tricky to navigate, especially at first or while you’re in the process of ending your marriage. It’s normal for couples to face some awkwardness from their social circle after a breakup.

Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce can be tricky to navigate, especially at first or while you’re in the process of ending your marriage. It’s normal for couples to face some awkwardness from their social circle after a breakup. However, if you and your ex want to maintain all of your friendships, it’s important to discuss this as a goal and how you both plan to make it happen. For example, talk to your friends up front about your intentions to remain in the social group. Avoid trash talking one another so that you don’t force any more hostility. And finally, don’t isolate yourself or wait for invitations. Instead, be proactive. Hopefully, you can use these tips to better navigate this difficult time in your life.

Maintaining Mutual Friendships After Divorce: Focusing on the Bigger Picture

Make an Agreement

If you and your ex have a large friend group, it can be painful to think about that group splitting up. Forcing your friends to take sides in your divorce will make everybody uncomfortable and is more likely to isolate you both from your social circle. Instead, discuss with one another how important it is to maintain your friendships, and work on avoiding things like trash talking or arguing in public.

Discuss Openly

Furthermore, maintaining mutual friendships after divorce is easier if you speak directly with your social group. Let friends know that you don’t plan on forcing them to choose sides, and that as much as possible, you both can get along in public enough to get invited to the same events.

Don’t Trash Talk

One important thing to remember with maintaining mutual friendships after divorce is that you’ll have to save your venting for somebody else. If you are determined not to force your friends to choose sides, you’ll have to cut back any trash talking. Otherwise, it’s likely that you will make your friend uncomfortable. Plus, your ex is likely to find out which can make things even more contentious. 

Stay Social

While it might be difficult, it’s important to be proactive when maintaining mutual friendships after divorce. Your friends might not know exactly how to react. So instead of isolating yourself or waiting for them to invite you to events, be assertive. Invite everybody out for a meal, or ask if you can come along to any events so that they know you are comfortable being around your ex or at least being around people who are friendly with them. Isolating yourself can negatively impact your mental health and create resentment.

Maintaining mutual friendships after divorce can be easier said than done in some situations. However, if you and your ex are both committed to keeping your friend group intact, it’s definitely doable. But you’ll both have to discuss things ahead of time and work on getting comfortable with at least being at the same events together without causing drama.

Moreso, you might have to tell your friends up front about your intentions so that they don’t feel like they need to choose sides. Avoid trashing your ex because it can make your friends feel uncomfortable and can harm your relationship. And finally, avoid isolating yourself, and instead be proactive about being social. Hopefully, you and your ex will be able to navigate this tricky situation without too much difficulty and keep your social group intact.

How-to Help Your Kids Through Your Divorce

Divorce is tough. It is not just difficult for the parents, but for the entire family. This change can bring up a lot of emotions for kids, including disbelief, sadness, confusion and anger. They will be thrown into a new life that they did not pick for themselves. Parents should not get so wrapped up in themselves that they forget to make sure their kids are okay. Make sure to put in the work to help your kids through your divorce.

How-to Help Your Kids Through Your Divorce: Parenting Steps

Arguments

First, to help your kids through your divorce, make sure to not have a heated argument in front of them. Keep those private. Yelling, screaming and fighting in front of them are only going to make your kids afraid and upset. Constant anger and hostility between parents are a big burden for kids to carry. Also, seeing openly hostile arguments could teach your kids bad behaviors that could carry on into their adulthood.

Work to work through conflicts with your spouse behind closed doors. If you are unable to do this on your own, seek a mediator or a divorce councilor. However, for their sake, keep your kids out of it.

Listen

Listen to your kids when they express their thoughts or feelings about your divorce. Also, pay close attention to their reaction. Some kids may say that they are “fine”, but may be covering up how they really feel. They may not know how to process what is going on. On the other hand, they may be worried they will make you upset with telling you how they feel. Let them know it is okay to be upset or mad about the divorce.

Some kids may need to talk to a councilor about their feelings. This safe space may allow them to open up and talk through their true emotions. Having your kids work out their emotions and feeling in a healthy way is a great way to help your kids through your divorce.

Do Not Over Promise

It is important not to over promise things that are our of your control. For example, do not set up the expectations that your child will be able to see their other parent as much as they used to if you are not sure if this is true. It is okay to tell your kids that you don’t know how things will work out. This honestly will be much more beneficial to help your kids through your divorce than setting up false expectations.

Self-Care

Finally, make to take care of yourself. Self-care is crucial for your health. An important way to help your kids through your divorce is by making sure you are taking care of yourself too. You will not be able to take care of your children to the best of your ability if you don’t take the time to take care of yourself. Getting some exercise, eating healthy, getting enough rest, and paying attention to your mental health are great steps to take. You can not pour out love, happiness, and support if you have nothing else left to give.

How-to: Help a Loved One During Divorce

You can learn more about how to help a loved one during divorce on this video.

It is no secret that divorce can be very painful. It is something that no one goes into a marriage wishing to go through. Watching someone you care about go through that pain can be difficult. Whether it is a family member or a friend, you can be there for them and support them. However, there are also boundaries you do not want to overstep. Learn how you can help a loved one get through a divorce.

How-to: Help a Loved During Divorce- Learning the Boundaries

Listen

One of the most meaningful things you can do to help a loved one during divorce is to just listen to them. Somethings all someone needs is just to vent and open up to someone they trust. While anger is not always healthy, in these cases, sometimes you just need to let it out. As a friend, it is your job to listen. Do not try and fix things for them or interject your thoughts. Find a quiet place and just hear them out.

Only when or if your friend or family member asks for your opinion should you give it. Otherwise, just be an ear for that person. According to David Know, a licensed family therapist, “Most people don’t need advice during a divorce, they just need to know that they’re not alone and that people care.” Sometimes, just talking through things is one of the first steps to healing. However, it is important to remember not to bash their ex with your own judgments or opinions. Focus on listening and validating your friend’s emotions instead.

Be a Friend

Another good way to help a loved one during divorce is to be a good friend. Oftentimes, this means lending a helping hand. Sometimes people have to move as a result of divorce. You can offer to help them pack or move some boxes. You could also bring your friend or loved one a meal. Whether you cook something, or just grab takeout, it is a nice gesture. This will give them one less thing to worry about, and give them some company at dinner.

Even if your friend or loved one keeps declining invitations for social events, do not stop extending the offer. Oftentimes, divorcees feel excluded by their married friends. Do not let that be the case. Let your friend know they are wanted. Also, keep in mind that they may not feel up for being social right then. However, as someone close to this person, be there for them for the long haul.

How-to: Choose a Divorce Lawyer

If you want to learn more about how to choose a divorce lawyer, you can learn more from this video.

When you start the divorce process, you will have a lot of things on your plate. From where you are going to live, to figuring out your finances and how this will affect your kids. One of the things you will also need to start working on is looking for legal help. It can be difficult to know who to turn to when you are faced with divorce. Not many people have had experience with this process before, so it can be difficult to know what to do. In a divorce, there is a lot on the line. Learn how to choose a divorce lawyer that is right for you and your situation.

How-to: Choose a Divorce Lawyer: Weighing Your Options

Rethink What You Want

Initially, you may think you want a really aggressive lawyer that is going to start fights and make your ex’s life miserable. Take a step back and evaluate if this is how you really want to proceed. While you do want someone to fight for you, you do not want someone who is going to create mayhem and absolute chaos. This will make everything harder for you in the long run. Having a fair and healthy divorce will be much easier for everyone. This may make you rethink what you want when you choose a divorce lawyer.

Ultimately, the goal of this process is to get divorced. Not only that, but you want to do that without much impact on your life. Do not let your emotions go crazy when it comes down to negotiating over material things that don’t mean much to you in the long run. If you do this, your divorce will become more expensive and longer than you had planned for it to be. Is it worth it? No, it won’t be. Focus on getting divorced as quickly and with as little financial damage, as possible. With this, be realistic about your attorney and what you expect from them. You do not want them to double as your therapist. That is not their job, and this will cost you much more than speaking to an actual therapist.

Looking for a Lawyer

You may feel overwhelmed when you try to choose a divorce lawyer. There are so many options. However, don’t jump to hire the first lawyer you meet. Not all lawyers are equal. Interview at least 3 different divorce attorneys before you decide. One thing to consider is that you should look for a lawyer that specializes in family law. You want a lawyer who is knowledgeable and experienced. Other good traits are good communication and negotiation skills.

You can also ask friends and family for recommendations. Recommendations can go a long way. Get their input on lawyers they had both good and bad experiences with. Also, look at the attorney’s trial record and success in court. This will give you an idea as to how good they are at negotiating. This will help give you an idea about which lawyer to choose to help you through your divorce.

How-to Manage a School Year Divorce

Getting a divorce at any time can be quite rough. However, pulling off a school year divorce can be especially tough. Therefore, it’s useful to know what you can do to help make the process easier for everyone in your family…

How-to Manage a School Year Divorce: Reducing Stress

Talk to your kids

When you begin a school year divorce, it’s important you talk to your kids. Divorce can shake them up quite a bit. Having to juggle new school demands alongside that can make things even more rough. This year, there’s also the unique challenges that Covid-19 might present too.

That’s why talking to your kids will be helpful. Here, you can get to better explain what’s going on and reiterate that you’ll support them no matter what. You should also let them know that they can come to you and talk about anything that’s bothering them, school-related or not. That way, they don’t feel like they need to keep their feelings bottled up.

Set up a good routine

A good routine is especially important for your kids when you’re doing a school year divorce. A consistent schedule will help provide some much-needed stability for them. At the same time, it also allows for you to have something to schedule your divorce matters around. This can help ensure that the divorce proceedings won’t interfere too much with your kid’s school schedule.

Don’t forget to include their other parent in this schedule as well. After all, it’s important that they get to see them and spend some time with them. Some parents like to set up having alternating days. One parent will pick the kids up, take them home, and drop them off next morning. Then, the other parent will do the same, helping to keep the time equal.

Reach out to their teachers

Even with your help, a school year divorce can inadvertently impact how your kids do in school. Sometimes, it may be hard for them to focus as they think about the divorce. Other times, they may just lose their motivation to finish any assignments. A good way to get ahead of this is by reaching out to their teachers.

By letting their teachers know what’s going on at home, they can better help your kids in the classroom. After all, their teachers want to help the succeed too. You don’t have to go into a lot of details about your divorce either. Just mentioning it can be enough for their teachers to understand and better work with your kids.

Parallel Co-Parenting

Many couples find that becoming co-parents isn’t as easy as they had thought. If you find you’re having trouble, then it may help to try parallel co-parenting. This approach could be the solution to your problems and help you reach a more cohesive plan…

Parallel Co-Parenting: How It Helps

Conflicting viewpoints

Some couples will actually agree for the most part on what their co-parenting plan should be like. For some, however, they may find they struggle to even be in the same room as each other. This means it’s nearly impossible for them to come to a shared-upon plan.

As a result, more time will be spent fighting then coming to any sort of middle ground. Most co-parents in this situation will see their attempts to talk to one another end up in personal arguments. Not only will this make things harder for you, but it’ll make it much harder on your kids too. That’s why parallel co-parenting is a helpful option to consider.

Parallel approach

A parallel co-parenting plan aims to let you fulfill your co-parenting duties without the drama. Basically, you’ll be taking a more business-like approach to dealing with your co-parent. You’ll focus only on the kids, keep it to-the-point, and preferably do it in a way that won’t cause issues.

These plans also allow for a bit more independence then other ones. Of course, you’ll want to make important decisions on things like education or medical care together. But, for those more mundane day-to-day matters, you can be a bit more flexible as to what you decide to do.

Key benefits

The parallel co-parenting system comes with a good number of benefits. For starters, it lessens the amount of conflict between you and your ex. That means you can spend less time fighting, and more time being parents to your kids. The lack of conflict will also be great for your kids’ wellbeing too.

It’ll also give you more confidence in your parenting decisions. You won’t have to worry as much as to what your co-parent will say and if it’ll turn into an argument. With a parallel plan, both you and them can still parent effectively while maintaining flexibility.

How-to Make a Divorce Announcement

It can be unpleasant or uncomfortable to have difficult conversations. However, whenever you are going through a divorce, you will have to tell people news that can be tough to talk about. It is up to you to determine who you want to tell and how much information you want to share. No one goes into a marriage planning on having to talk about divorce, so it is not unusual to be unsure about how to make a divorce announcement.

How-to Make a Divorce Announcement: Telling People the News

Who to Tell

First, you will need to decide who to share your divorce announcement with. This will be different for each couple that is splitting up. Start with people who are closest to you. This could include your parents and siblings, but most importantly your children (if you have any). Your children may be the hardest people to tell, as they could be the most emotional about it. They will be concerned with what life will be like with divorced parents, and how their life will be changing. Depending on how old they are, they may fully understand what is going on.

Whether you tell the remaining people in your life is up to you. If you are a very private person, you may decide only tell a very small circle the news. On the other hand, you could want to tell everyone. Each person will have his or own comfort levels about who to share the news with.

How to Tell People

Next, you will need to figure out how to tell people. Those who want to tell everyone may choose to put their divorce announcement on social media. Be careful with this, as anything you say on social media could come back to haunt you. This means you should keep anything you say short and tactful. However, keep in mind it could even be used in court against you. Another way to tell a large group of people is by mass email. Again, this is a little impersonal, but a quick way to spread the word.

If you are wanting to tell a smaller number of people, or choose to have a more intimate conversation about such a personal event, you may want to tell people one-on-one. This could mean a phone call, or even a face-to-face meeting. While it can sometimes almost be more difficult to brake the news in person versus hiding behind a screen, it can also be more comforting at the same time. Your friend or family member will be able to talk you through everything and show you that they care. They will be there to laugh with you, cry with you, and embrace you if you need it.

There are many ways to share a divorce announcement. Every individual situation is different and unique. Therefore, you have to do what is right for you and what you.

Conflicting Personalities: Opposites Attract

While everyone knows the phrase “opposites attract”, it’s also possible that conflicting personalities can lead to a divorce. This friction can even lead to some divorce conflict. While some traits can work with each other, they might also come with some potential for conflict…

Conflicting Personalities: Common Types

Introvert/extrovert

One of the most well-known conflicting personalities are introverts and extroverts. Introverts don’t like to be out socializing all the time. Meanwhile, extroverts love to be out doing things with other people. In some cases, this can work as an extrovert encourages an introvert to be more social. 

However, it usually leads to fighting. Spouses will start to feel resentful if they need to go out of their comfort zone for the sake of their partner. Instead, it’s good for a couple to have a similar balance for being social and staying in.

Organized/Disorganized

Another example of conflicting personalities is those who are organized and those who are disorganized. Organized people like structure and to have a place for everything. Those who are disorganized tend to be a bit more impulsive and will place things wherever they feel like.

Again, these kind of couples can help each other. A person can be either too rigid or too irresponsible on their own. Being with someone who’s their opposite can help them fix this. Still, they can also end up arguing if neither wants to change.

Adventurous/traditional

One type of conflicting personalities couples don’t pay too much attention to is being adventurous versus being traditional. The former is someone who is always down to try new things, while the latter is someone who likes to stick with what they know. For younger couples, this dynamic can work quite well. The adventurous one can encourage the other to experience things they wouldn’t have otherwise.

Much of the conflict can stem over future plans. The idea of “settling down” somewhere may not appeal to an adventurous person. Rather, they want to keep doing fun things. Their partner may want to live a bit more of a quite life as they get older together. These disagreements can become constant fights as they get older.

Co-parenting with Your Ex: Communication

Co-parenting with your ex can be challenging for both the parents and the children. In some cases, there has been domestic violence or substance abuse that would make joint custody especially difficult. However, in most cases, there are ways to co-parent amicably that will be beneficial for everyone involved…

Co-parenting with Your Ex: Improving Communication

Communication Challenges of Co-parenting with Your Ex

Having different schedules, different homes, and other relationships and marriages can make co-parenting with your ex difficult. You will also likely have strong feelings of anger, disappointment and resentment towards your ex. Although it may be difficult, you must work past those for the sake of your children. This could help your child’s well-being, stability and happiness. 

In order to keep your emotions about your ex out of your co-parenting, you will likely need to address them elsewhere. Find a therapist, counselor, or a friend to vent to, or relieve stress through exercise. While it will be difficult, remember that you are doing this for your children.

Better Communication While Co-parenting with Your Ex

Since you will be co-parenting with your ex for your child’s entire childhood, forming good communication habits will be important. By making these guidelines early on, your communication may get easier over time.

To start, listen and show restraint. Even if you don’t agree with them, let your ex express his or her opinions. Try not to overreact to anything that they say. Overtime, this may get easier. Instead of making demands, try making requests. For example, replace “Do this” with “Would you be willing to…?” This could help keep your ex from building up walls against you. 

Keep Children Out of the Middle

Don’t get your children involved as the middleman. Talking negatively about your ex to your child may be harmful to your child’s relationship with their other parent. Your child deserves to have a relationship with their other parent without having your emotions thrown in. You certainly don’t want to make them have to take sides, as that isn’t fair to them. 

Also, don’t send negative messages to your ex through your children. Handle all issues with your ex directly. When communicating, it may help to speak to your ex like you are in a business meeting. In this case, you are in the business of co-parenting your child. As you would in business, be respectful and cordial.

If you find that communicating with your ex gets to be too difficult…

…find some quick and easy ways to relieve stress. Co-parenting with your ex may always be difficult. Start by taking steps to improve your communication can go a long way.

Protective Steps to Take if Divorce is Imminent

There are several protective steps to take if divorce is imminent. If you and your spouse are heading toward the breakup of your marriage, you want to make sure that you’re protecting yourself. Once you begin speaking about divorce, your partner could get confrontational or antagonistic. Therefore, take these steps ahead of time so that you are fully protected. Speak to an attorney right away as soon as you think divorce might even be a possibility. Gather legal and financial information and make copies of important documents. Protect yourself financially and begin preparing to be on your own. And finally, be on your best behavior so that you don’t give the court any ammunition to use against you during the process. Hopefully, you can be as prepared as possible if you wind up going down the road toward divorce.

Protective Steps to Take if Divorce is Imminent: Preparing Early

Speak to an Attorney

The most important of the early steps to take if divorce is imminent is to speak with an attorney. An experienced divorce lawyer can guide you through the process and ensure that you are taking the correct steps. They’ll help you decide how best to move forward and make sure that you’re being financially protected.

Gather Financial Information

Additionally, if divorce is imminent, it’s important to go ahead and gather important legal and financial information. Look for things like bank statements, insurance information, tax returns, retirement account statements, wills, and titles. Make an inventory of personal assets and family possessions. Make copies of all documents you find so that your spouse cannot hide them or alter them later.

Protect Yourself Financially

When divorce is imminent, sometimes as soon as it’s spoken out loud, spouses begin taking vindictive steps to financially harm their soon-to-be-ex. Protect yourself from this by taking inventory of accounts. You might consider closing joint credit cards so that your spouse cannot rack up charges that you might later be responsible for. Additionally, if you do not have a credit history in your name, it’s important to begin building your credit.

Be on Your Best Behavior

Finally, if divorce is imminent, it’s time to be on your best behavior. Like it or not, your entire life is about to be put under a microscope. If things get hairy with your divorce, your ex might use any dirty tactics to get what they want out of the settlement. Focus on spending time with your children and keep a relatively low profile. Now is not the time to begin dating somebody new.

If you feel that divorce is imminent, you’ll want to take steps as quickly as possible to protect yourself financially. As soon as you and your spouse begin speaking about divorce in real terms, it could start a chain reaction. Many exes wind up getting very antagonistic towards one another, and you want to make sure they cannot take steps to hurt you financially. Speak with an attorney as soon as possible so they can begin advising you on how best to move forward. Take inventory of your money and begin gathering important legal documents. Prevent your spouse from ringing up huge credit card bills, and start building up your credit if you don’t have a history. And finally, keep your head down and be on your best behavior while the divorce process is pending. Hopefully, you and your ex can settle relatively quickly and painlessly.