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Category: divorce advice

Reckless Divorce Mistakes

Divorce is a tricky thing to handle. With how many emotions divorce stirs up, it’s not surprising to see a lot of people make some less-than-ideal decisions. Still, these reckless divorce mistakes can be costly to you in the long run. That’s why it’s important to avoid these pitfalls as best you can. Doing so will help you get the best outcome possible from your divorce…

Reckless Divorce Mistakes

Anger towards your ex

One of the most common reckless divorce mistakes is feeling anger towards your ex. A lot of divorces tend to be mutual understandings. However, if someone’s spouse comes to them wanting a divorce, it can cause a lot of different reactions. Sometimes, not all of these initial responses are good. 

However, instead of reacting with anger or hatred, it’s best to take the high road. It can be painful, and it might not be the outcome you wished for, but it’s important to respect your spouse’s wishes. In fact, it’s better to try and understand your spouse’s point of view. That way, it’ll make things easier for the both of you going forward. 

Refuse to negotiate

Another one of the common reckless divorce mistakes is when someone refuses to negotiate. This mistakes ties in to the first one, as this refusal is usually because one spouse feels like the other treated them unfairly. It could also be because they feel that negotiation is a waste of time. 

In reality, negotiation can be quite helpful for solving a lot of potential problems. Divorcing couples tend to have much more success when they negotiate and make use of resources like mediation. Odds are, you’ll both end up with a good outcome when you work together than when you work against each other. 

Don’t work out your emotions

This is one of the reckless divorce mistakes that people might not always think about. But, keeping those divorce emotions bottled up can be a detriment. Some people might think that they just have to “power through” or that their emotions aren’t “that big of a deal”. Yet, this kind of thinking can be quite detrimental. 

Instead, it’s best to find some ways to work out these emotions. This could include talking to friends and family, keeping a journal, or seeing a professional. This kind of help is important not only for making your divorce easier, but also helping you get started on your post-divorce life. 

Work Motivation: Keep Yourself Going

It’s very easy to feel overwhelmed and drained when going through a divorce. This stress makes it easy to lose your focus and motivation, especially at work. However, while it might feel impossible, you can still keep that work motivation. That way, you can handle your divorce while still performing quality work…

Work Motivation: Keep Yourself Going

Divorce’s impact

It’s very easy to see why a divorce can hurt your work motivation. A divorce involves having to take care of a lot of different things. This can be getting documents together, going to mediation or court, and getting money together for any expenses. This only gets more complicated if your divorce isn’t going all that smoothly. 

There’s also a personal aspect which can hurt your motivation. While divorce is more common and accepted these days, sadly some people still stigmatize it. This could make you worried about other co-workers spreading gossip. An unpleasant workplace is sure to sap anyone’s motivation. 

Tackle it head-on

If you’re going through a divorce and want to keep your work motivation, it helps to not dance around the issue. Instead of worrying about what your employer might think, the best thing is to tell them upfront about what’s going on. If your honest about what you’re dealing with, then odds are they’ll be able to help you out. This could mean being flexible if you have to miss a day for court, or anything else that’ll help you out. 

Remember that you won’t want to make any rash decisions during this time. Sometimes, the stress and worry makes people leave their jobs. However, this can seriously come back to bite you later on. It’s better to always think things through and talk to your employer before making any decisions like that. 

Don’t forget yourself

While it’s helpful to keep your work motivation, remember that it’s okay to take a break every now and again. You’ll burn yourself out if you don’t, and your work and divorce will both be effected. Take a day for yourself if you have to, just to relax and calm down. Also, don’t overload yourself with work either. Only take on the tasks you know you can do and that won’t overwhelm you. 

Relocating Post-Divorce

In certain situations, couples and families move away from extended family for better opportunities. When life happens, your support system is still there, they are just further away. It’s common for the parent with full or majority custody to consider relocating post-divorce. Of course, if custody is split 50/50 and the other parent has no interest in moving, this might not be an option for you. If you have the ability to, relocating might be a good move for you, literally.

Relocating Post-Divorce: Benefits of Starting Fresh 

Why should you relocate?

Relocation is a fresh start. It can be invigorating to start over, to be in a new place. If your brothers and sisters or other family are close by, relocating post-divorce also offers some security. You’ll be near people you trust and can rely on. A new place will force you to get out of your routine. This will not only create a new routine, but leave little time to dwell on any negative emotions you might have.

Why shouldn’t you relocate?

While there’s definitely some positives of relocating, there are also negatives. Relocating post-divorce can turn your children’s life totally upside down. Not only are they having to understand life with divorced parents, they will also have to get used to a new school. New school, new friends, new sports teams, the list goes on. Relocating can be difficult for some children who struggle to make new friends. It can also be difficult for children who have had the same friends their entire lives.

After you relocate, keep in mind…

Allow yourself and your children time to adjust. Remember that nothing happens over night. Some children will feel stress from being a further distance from the other parent. As long as there is a legal right to relocate, remind them (and sometimes, yourself) that this is a good thing for your family. Relocating post-divorce is a step forward in the right direction. This is an opportunity to create new memories in a new home. Another idea is to allow your children to be involved in their new bedroom decor. This will get them excitedabout their new home.

To conclude: relocating post-divorce is a fresh start. It might be difficult to be approved for relocation. You should always consult legal help before making any distant moves with your family after a divorce. 

Domestic Violence Types

Many times, people are under the impression that physical abuse is the only kind of domestic violence. This is not true. There are many other domestic violence types, including emotional and sexual abuse. It is our hope that you are not suffering from this at home. But if you are, or need to talk to someone, there are resources that can help. As a matter of fact, domestic violence can happen in any relationship. It’s not always male to female! It can be any combination.

Domestic Violence Types: Understanding Abuse 

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is only one type of the domestic violence. If you are feeling put down, humiliated, or getting called names by your significant other, this is emotional abuse! Emotional abuse can make you feel bad about yourself and like you’re not worthy. 

Economic Abuse

In the realm of domestic violence types, economic abuse can occur silently. Let’s say your partner is the bread winner in the family. He/she might say you don’t need to work anymore. While this may sound good at first, it could turn into them having control over you and what you do. By making you ask for money or giving you an allowance, your partner might be too controlling.

Making Threats

Threatening and coercing a partner is another type of the domestic violence. Threatening a partner with ultimatums is a sign of domestic abuse. Additionally, persuading a partner to do illegal things and threatening suicide if they leave are also signs of abuse.

Intimidation

Domestic violence types don’t just stop at threats. Sometimes, people carry these actions out. Intimidation can include breaking property and destroying it, too. If a partner can instill fear in you with a look or a gesture, then this is a sign of domestic violence.

Physical and Sexual Abuse

Lastly, physical and sexual abuse are the two domestic violence types that get the most recognition. Since some signs of physical abuse are easy to spot, people are more likely to reach out. Sexual abuse is traumatic. This type of abuse ranges from having sex when you don’t want to, to doing things you are not comfortable with.

It’s important to understand that domestic violence does not discriminate. Domestic violence types vary from situation to situation. Again, if you need help, there are places that can help. 

Divorce Pitfalls: Mistakes To Avoid

Divorce is a serious and life-changing decision. It’s also something you want to make sure you handle properly. That’s why it’s important to avoid some of the common divorce pitfalls people fall into. Avoiding these mistakes will help you in getting a divorce settlement that works for you…

Divorce Pitfalls: Mistakes To Avoid

Too much outside input

One of the more common divorce pitfalls is having too many people giving you varying input and advice. Your friends and family tend to be a major source of support during your divorce. However, it’s important to not let them have too much input in your divorce. 

While they might have your best intentions at heart, your friends and family’s input could lead to conflict. Their own feelings about your former spouse might influence the decisions you make, and have negative impact on your divorce. When it comes to the serious decisions, it’s important to keep control. 

Refusing mediation

Another one of the more difficult divorce pitfalls is refusing mediation. You might have some apprehension about trying to work with your ex again. However, mediation can be a quite useful tool for you both. 

Mediation can help you and your ex solve the more pressing issues and disagreements. For example, these could be child custody, asset splitting, or spousal support. While these issues might normally cause arguments, mediation can help you both keep things civil and less combative. 

Not planning for the future

Divorce can be a very intensive process. Understandably, it can be difficult to think and plan ahead when so much is happening. Yet, not having a plan for the future is one of those divorce pitfalls that can come back to bite you. 

You should consider what changes you might have to make once your divorce is over. This could be finding a new place to live, or re-adjusting your budget. Not planning for these changes can make your post-divorce life just a hectic as when the divorce was going on. 

Divorce pitfalls can really trip up your divorce progress. They can not only effect your divorce itself, but your life afterwards as well. That’s why avoiding them is key for a smooth divorce. 

Divorce Uncertainty: Getting Unstuck

Uncertainty is a pretty common feeling in divorce. Uncertainty over the future is something that worries many people considering or experiencing divorce. This can lead to them wondering if they should go through with their divorce in the first place. Pushing past that divorce uncertainty is crucial for getting your divorce back on track.

Divorce Uncertainty: Getting Unstuck

What causes uncertainty?

Divorce uncertainty can stem from many different factors. For example, many people are fearful of the divorce process itself. There are a lot of different things that go into getting a divorce. This could be overwhelming for some and make them question if divorce is worth it. 

There are also fears about life after divorce. After all, your sense of “normal” will have completely flipped around now. You might need to make some pretty drastic changes to your life after a divorce. This lack of certainty can make many hesitate when it comes to divorce.

Taking the first steps

Breaking past that divorce uncertainty is possible. Thankfully, you can work on fighting past it one small step at a time. Doing some research can help you get a better understanding of what exactly divorce entails. That way, you can see what exactly you’ll need to be readily prepared for a divorce. 

Additionally, try weighing out the pros and cons of your current situation with a potential post-divorce life. You might come to the conclusion that, 
even with all the uncertainty, you’ll be happier divorced than remaining married. Plus, the odds are your spouse might end up feeling the same. 

Look for support

It’s also a good idea to look for some outside perspective when battling divorce uncertainty. That’s where your support network comes in handy. This will be your friends and family who you can lead on for help during this stressful time. 

Your support group can help give you a new perspective on a potential divorce. They might be able to see some things that you cant’t because of how directly the divorce involves you. Furthermore, they can also give you a much-needed boost if you’re feeling especially hard on yourself. 

Divorce uncertainty is common, but it doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. Instead, it’s possible for you to get unstuck and move forward. It can be an uncertain time, but what is for sure is you getting control over your life again.

Divorce Support System: Who to Lean On

Divorce can be an overwhelming process. With so much changing, it can be hard to go through things alone. That’s why it’s important to build a good divorce support system. Knowing who you can lean on can help you make it through your divorce in one piece…

Divorce Support System: Who to Lean On

Your family

Your family is almost always a sure bet for your divorce support system. No one is going to know you better than your family. They can give you a constant source of emotional support that you might need during this time. 

Additionally, your family can offer support in other ways as well. They can help watch the kids if you have any, give you a place to stay, and really anything else you might need help with. This and the emotional support they can give you makes them great for being the base of your support system.

Your friends

Your friends are your next best bet for your divorce support network. It’s good to reach out to your closest friends first. These are the ones who will know you the best and be in your corner for sure. Of course, you can reach out to other friends as well, but make sure they weren’t just a “couple friend”. 

Your friends can offer similar support to that of your family. However, they also can help you with taking a break from divorce matters. You can go out with them and take some time to decompress and relax before continuing to tackle your divorce. 

Support groups 

As the name suggests, divorce support groups can be great when building a divorce support network. These groups tend to be made up of people who went through or are going through divorce. That means you’ll be talking to people who know exactly what you’re going through.

Of course, these groups are more on the emotional support side. These groups can be great places to get some help for whatever divorce issues you’ve run into. Additionally, they can be found both online and locally, meaning you can get support from almost anywhere. 

Divorce is something you don’t need to go through alone. Having people you can lean on for emotional support is important. It’s always good to keep this in mind, especially as you begin the divorce process.

Dating Post-Divorce: Getting Ready

Dating might be the furthest thing from your mind after a divorce. However, well-meaning friends and family might start asking you if you’ve thought about it. This can make you start to question if you should be trying to start dating post-divorce. However, it really comes down to some self-reflection and perspective….

Dating Post-Divorce: Getting Ready

Determine your feelings 

Societal pressure can make you feel like you should try dating post-divorce quickly. Friends and family asking you about it can make you think you’re doing something wrong by not trying to date. However, it all depends on how you truly feel about it. 

Don’t rely on the calendar to tell you when you should try dating again. Everyone is different, and will need a different amount of time to feel comfortable with dating again. Give yourself some time to grieve and wait until you feel comfortable with dating.

Move on from your ex

Do you find yourself still thinking about your ex or what they’re doing? Especially in the relationship department? If so, you might want to hold off on dating post-divorce until you can fully move on. 

Those lingering thoughts about your ex can make their way into new relationships and negatively impact them. You might be trying to “prove” to your ex you’ve moved on to better things, even when inside that isn’t the case. It’s best to wait until your ex is no longer a focus so your new relationships won’t be influenced by them.

Accept who you are

Trying out dating post-divorce means you’ll also have to be happy with who you are as an individual. For that reason, consider taking some time for yourself in between your divorce and dating.  It’s always useful to explore your new life on your own terms for a bit. 

Take some time and learn to enjoy being single. Try new things, go out with friends, anything that you would like to. Being happy with yourself while single will translate to you being happy in a new relationship.

Dating post-divorce is something that you should try when it feels right. There is no exact answer for when it’s time because everyone is different. Take some time to self-reflect and you’ll know when you’re ready to try dating again.

Mediation Prep: The Keys to Success

Divorce mediation is a good option if you’d prefer a more meeting-like approach to your divorce settlement. However, you still should take it just as seriously as a courtroom approach. The last thing you want to do is wait until the last second. Proper mediation prep helps your chances of getting a better, more agreeable settlement in the long run…

Mediation Prep: The Keys to Success

Lay the groundwork  

The first aspect of proper mediation prep should be figuring out the logistics. Having this figured out before the mediation even begins will help you and your spouse know what kind of structure to follow. If you don’t have a structure, this can make it harder to plan out what you want to discuss. 

Figure out what times you and your spouse are available to meet and for how long. This will let you plan out what you’d like to discuss at each meeting. That way, you can use the longer sessions for more in-depth matters, and the shorter ones for the lesser-pressing ones.

Gather your evidence 

In order to properly negotiate, you’ll need good evidence to support your claims. That’s why a crucial part of mediation prep is getting your documents gathered and organized. These documents will strengthen your ability to get a fair settlement you’re happy with.

Gathering financial documentation, like bank statements, credit card records, etc, goes a long way in helping your case. However, it’s not all just about numbers. If child custody is also being discussed, having records about their school and medical history help to show you’re a capable parent who can be trusted. 

Have a strategy

Gathering your information is one thing. However, you’ll also have to know how to use it. Knowing what you want out of your mediation is another important part of proper mediation prep.

Understand what kind of settlement would be fair to you and how your spouse might have a different idea of fair for them. Then, use this as a way to work towards compromise. You’ll both be more likely to get a settlement you’re happy with this way. 

Going into your mediation with a proper game plan is key for getting a good result. The best kinds of mediation are the ones where both spouses work together for a settlement. That way, they can walk away satisfied and optimistic for their new post-divorce lives.

Divorce Needs: What Your Children Need from You

When you’re going through a divorce, you’ll probably find it’s an emotional time. Therefore, you may find that you need emotional support and reassurance from your family and friends. If you have children from the divorce, they’ll probably have needs of their own. While it can be a difficult time to focus on your kids, it’s important to hear what they want and meet their divorce needs. 

Knowing Your Child’s Divorce Needs

Involvement 

Most likely, one of your child’s main divorce needs will be involvement. During this time, you’re child may face confusion and anxiety about the future. They’ll wonder what this means for their life with you and the involvement of both of their parents. In order to calm some of these fears, it’s important to show that you both will still remain involved. So, go the extra mile to show care and concern. Try spending time and asking questions about school, activities, and their interests.

Quality Time

Because your child has become accustomed to living with both parents, one of their divorce needs will be quality time with each of you. It’s one thing for you to allow your child to have time with their other parent, it’s another for you to support it. Children can deal with quilt for spending time with each parent individually. As if, spending time with one parent means that they love their parent more. So, it’s important for you to encourage and support them spending quality time your ex. 

Communication

One of the most important divorce needs of your child will be communication between the two of you. No matter how hard things get between you and your ex, it’s important to keep a line of healthy communication. Communication will be the key to co-parenting.You’ll need to discuss things like schedules, rules, schooling and anything else in your child’s best interest. 

In short, divorcing with children can be especially tough because you must meet the divorce needs of your child while also dealing with your own. During this time, you’ll need to tend to your own emotions and need but you don’t want forget that yours kids may have them too.