Category: post-divorce

Creative Bonding: Child Connections

Sometimes, divorce can cause your kids to become somewhat distant and withdrawn. When this happens, you might want to try some creative bonding exercises. These unique methods can help you start to re-connect with your kids…

Creative Bonding: Child Connections

Drawing & painting

Drawing and painting are both very good creative bonding techniques to use. These are some of the basics when it comes to looking for something creative to do with your kids. Plus, it’s something those especially young kids can do and still enjoy, making it very versatile.

Remember, thought, that you still want to make it fun and engaging for them. A good way to do this is by giving it structure. Try to pick some kind of theme or topic that the works will center around. Be sure to join in the process as well! You kids will love to have you a part of the process.

Spend some time outside

Technology certainly is popular these days, especially among those who are younger. However, it can also cause them to be more withdrawn. Sometimes, it can be useful to have them (and you) take a break from technology and do some creative bonding together outside.

Now, you don’t have to pull of some grand camping trip somewhere. After all, you want to make sure that your kids will enjoy the things you do. Try to start off smaller instead, by say going outside in the yard or to a nearby park. There’s a wide variety of outdoor games and activities you and your kids can do together.

Get into their interests

You surely have your fair share of hobbies or interests, and your kids certainly do as well. Therefore, what better way to get some creative bonding done than by talking to them about these interests? Kids tend to like it when their parents show some real, genuine interest into their hobbies and such.

It helps to do some research beforehand on what exactly your kids are into. That way, it shows them you’re serious about getting to know what they like. Doing so will make them much more likely to open up and get you involved in these interests.

Post-Divorce Writing: Expressing Yourself

Feelings of depression are pretty common after a divorce. Shaking those negative feelings can be pretty hard. However, one thing which you might find helpful is doing some post-divorce writing. Taking some time to write can help you feel better in a few different ways…

Post-Divorce Writing

Get your feelings out

One thing post-divorce writing helps with is getting your feelings out. Aside from feelings of depression, you may also feel pretty upset, angry, or anxious. Bottling up those feelings can end up making them worse over time, before they eventually reach a breaking point. Therefore, it’s useful to have an outlet.

Writing will allow for you to have a way to get those emotions out of your body and onto paper. It might seem simple, but it actually can help quite a bit. As you continue to write, you’ll start to feel better and think clearer, and can start to work on healing.

Track your progress

Another useful thing about post-divorce writing is how you can use it to track your progress. Sometimes, people will think that they aren’t making any progress moving forwards after their divorce. This can keep them stuck in a bit of a rut, which creates a self-fulfilling cycle.

However, if you keep a journal or diary, then you’ll have some physical proof of the progress you’re making. As you fill it out, you can easily go back and see where you started and how far you’ve come. This can help give you the motivation you might need to continue making your progress.

Express your creativity

Post-divorce writing also gives you a way to express your more creative side. Many people like to try and get into new hobbies after their divorce, and the arts are definitely one of them. Writing in particular can be a type of activity you might find yourself interested in.

For instance, maybe you try to write some poetry. Or, perhaps you try writing some kind of short stories. Don’t worry about them being something others have to read. As long as you enjoy writing them, then that’s all that matters.

Co-Parenting Goals: Find Success

It can be a bit difficult to start co-parenting. To help you and your ex going in the right direction, it can be a good idea to set some co-parenting goals. These goals can help ensure your efforts result in success…

Co-Parenting Goals

Help the kids feel secure

Divorce usually causes your kids to feel a lot of uncertainty about the future. While you yourself might have a lot of questions about what’s next, your kids also will feel the same. Mainly, they might be worried about where they’ll live, or if the divorce itself was somehow their fault.

Therefore, it helps to set making the kids feel secure as one of your co-parenting goals. Having a good, consistent schedule can help them adjust to this new “normal” and feel more relaxed. Spending plenty of time with them also helps reinforce to them that you or your ex aren’t going anywhere.

Create a budget

Divorce also brings changes to one’s budget. As a co-parent, you’ll not only need to plan a budget for yourself, but also one for your kids with your co-parent. Usually, this budget involves things like major expenses, such as tuition or medical bills. That’s why this shared budget is another of the co-parenting goals to work towards.

One useful way to do this is by first meeting with your ex and going over your individual budgets. Then, you can look at what major kid-related costs you might have. By doing so, you can work on adjusting your budgets to meet your kids’ needs.

Better communication

Not all ex-couples will want to talk all the time after divorcing. Still, co-parenting will require some kind of communication between the two of you. After all, you’ll have to coordinate things like dropping or picking up the kids. Due to this, improving communication is one of the most common co-parenting goals.

A good way to do this is by keeping your conversations positive. Focus on the good things, like if the kids got good grades on a test, over negative topics. It’s also good to help keep them in the loop about any changes to your schedule which could impact your usual co-parenting plans.

Initial Months Post-Divorce: Making Changes

Those initial months post-divorce can be some of the hardest to adjust to. Going from being married to being single again isn’t always an easy task. However, there are some things you can do to make the process easier on yourself…

Initial Months Post-Divorce: How To Adapt

Stay occupied

You’ll probably notice that you have a lot of free time during those initial months post-divorce. For some, this can be a negative, as they spend this time thinking negatively about what’s happened. Rather than do other things, they’ll end up stuck in a rut feeling pretty low. One helpful way to avoid this is by keeping yourself busy.

Staying busy will help keep your mind off of the divorce. While it’s good to have days where you take some time and reflect, you don’t want everyday to be like there. Therefore, try to look for some new hobbies or activities which can keep you occupied. Plus, you’ll find that having something fun to do will encourage more positive thinking.

Have good support

It’s also good to not try and push through those initial months post-divorce on your own. After all, you probably had some help making it through your divorce. Therefore, don’t forget to keep that support going even after it’s over. Having that extra help can really help you feel better and more optimistic for the future.

Your friends and family will be an excellent source of support. They know who you are, and you know that you can trust them to look out for you. Still, if you’d like some specialized support, try meeting with a counselor or a divorce support group as well.

 Take things slowly

In the initial months post-divorce, you’ll probably have plenty of people offering their advice as to what you should do. While they may have good intentions, they won’t fully understand how you feel. As a result, you should take things slowly and do what’s best for you.

For instance, maybe some people will ask if you’ve thought about dating again. Of course, that’s not something they need to worry about. Rather, that’s something you should only do when you feel comfortable. Having that kind of mindset can help you avoid feeling “pressured” by what other people say.

Breaking Bad Habits After Divorce


Divorce is one of the most stressful things that a person can go through, and forming bad habits after divorce is very common. When we are stressed out, it’s easy to start relying on things like comfort food and alcohol. However, now that your divorce is final, it’s a great time to begin a fresh start. Try to put a positive spin on your divorce, and stop complaining to others. Eating healthier foods can make your body feel great. So can cutting out alcohol! And finally, when going through a divorce, it’s easy to put other things before yourself. For example, your children and their needs. However, now that things are settling back down, it’s time to focus on some self-love. Make yourself and your happiness a priority and start forming healthy habits that will make you feel great in this new stage of your life.

Breaking Bad Habits After Divorce: Getting Your Life Back on Track

The Complaining Habit

One of the bad habits after divorce that many people develop is complaining habit. It’s easy to let your divorce troubles be the main topic of conversation with friends and family. Especially if it’s a contentious one. However, now that your divorce is final, it’s time to begin to let go of your bitterness. Holding onto anger will only alienate people and hurt future relationships.

The Over-Eating Habit

Another common bad habit after divorce is over-eating. Many of us deal with stress by indulging in comfort foods. And unfortunately, these are often high in fat and calories. If you are an emotional eater, you might also have started to increase your portion sizes. Try to begin working more healthy foods into your diet. Aim to fill your plate half with veggies and fruit, a quarter with whole grains, and a quarter with healthy proteins like chicken and fish. Be mindful while eating so that you don’t continue to eat after your body tells you you’re full.

The Drinking Habit

When dealing with lots of stress, many people turn to alcohol. And this is one of the bad habits after divorce that can be difficult to break. However, drinking too much can lead to a lot of negative effects on your body, and also the rest of your life. If you feel like you are going to have trouble cutting back or getting sober, look into support groups. Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs are helpful for many people.

The Putting-Everybody-Else-First Habit

Finally, one more of the bad habits after divorce that many people resort to is putting themselves last. The stress of divorce can put self-care on the back burner. In addition, if you have children, you likely have been very focused on easing their transition through the divorce. However, now it’s time to get back to some self-care. Try to make time for yourself each day to de-stress and do something that makes you feel happy. In addition, speaking to a therapist or close friend can do wonders for your mental health. Exercise is also a great stress-reliever with many health benefits.

There are many bad habits after divorce that are easy to fall into. When you’re dealing with that much stress, it can be difficult not to relieve it in any way you can. However, now that your divorce is final, it’s a great time to start to try to break those bad habits. Begin by trying to let go of any bitterness and anger that you have about the divorce. Next, focus on eating healthy and cutting out alcohol to make your body feel much stronger and healthier. Finally, start making some time for yourself. Your mental health might have taken a hit over the last few months, so it’s time for some self-care. Hopefully, you can begin to break some of these bad habits so that you can start fresh in this new exciting chapter of your life.

Running into Your Ex at Social Events

Running into your ex at social events can be incredibly awkward, but it’s important to know how to handle these situations. It’s likely that at some point you will come across your ex-spouse at a mutual friend’s wedding or another event. In this situation, you don’t want to end up letting your drama with your ex take priority. Try to keep things short with them and don’t engage in too much conversation. Avoid heavy drinking as alcohol can often make the situation much worse. Don’t allow drama and try not to let your interaction become a focus for everybody. And finally, if you feel like you aren’t ready to be around your ex, just make a polite excuse and leave. Hopefully, you and your ex will be able to keep things civil so that you can both enjoy social events with mutual friends.

Running into Your Ex at Social Events: Avoid a Scene

Keep it Short

Running into your ex at social events can be awkward but the best thing is to just keep your interaction short. Don’t avoid them or you’ll wind up bringing more attention to your situation. Instead, acknowledge them or say hello but try not to engage in conversation. You don’t want to let things get out of hand and air your dirty laundry for other guests to hear.

Avoid Alcohol

Alcohol can make any situation more dramatic, so running into your ex at social events is not a time to drink heavily. Even if you normally feel like you are in control of your emotions around your ex, alcohol can inhibit you more than usual. Therefore, if you see your ex, make sure to keep the drinking to a minimum so you don’t elevate the problem.

Don’t Allow Drama

Running into your ex can be awkward for you both, but it can also sometimes be awkward for other guests. Especially if they know that tensions are high. However, don’t allow your interactions to become the focus of attention. Instead, acknowledge each other and act maturely by keeping things civil. Don’t air your dirty laundry for others to hear. A social event with a crowd is not the place to rehash old arguments, so just keep it brief with your ex.

Leave

Finally, if running into your ex is too difficult for you to bear, then it’s perfectly fine to leave. Your host will understand if it’s painful for you to be around your ex-spouse. Especially if the divorce is still fresh or if it was very bitter. They would probably rather you make a quick exit than stay and allow the event to turn into a showdown between you and your ex. Prioritize your mental health and make a quick getaway if you need to.

Running into your ex at a wedding or social event can be jolting, especially if you weren’t expecting to see them. Take a moment to find a calm mental space and say a quick but polite hello. Try to keep things brief with them so that you don’t begin rehashing old arguments in front of others. Avoid drinking alcohol can escalate the situation. Keep the focus on the social event instead of the drama of running into your ex. And finally, if you feel like you aren’t ready to be around your ex-spouse, then it’s fine to leave. It’s okay to prioritize your mental wellness over a social event. Hopefully, someday soon you and your ex will get a place where you can be around each other and enjoy social events with mutual friends.

How to Be Polite with an Ex After Divorce

It can be nearly impossible to be polite with an ex after divorce. Tensions are running high and there might be a lot of hurt feelings and resentment there. However, if you co-parent with them, you’ll need to figure out how to be cordial at least. Get in the right headspace before you see them and prepare yourself mentally. Have a plan before you go and stay on topic – don’t let them sidetrack you. Keep it short and sweet, the sooner you can get away the less chance of a blowup. And finally, if you are stressing about seeing them, bring a friend with you. They are less likely to create a scene if there is somebody there to watch. Hopefully, you and your ex can figure out how to co-exist in the same space. Often it just takes a little time and distance so that you both can heal from the divorce a bit.

How to Be Polite with an Ex After Divorce: Keeping Your Cool

Get in the Right Headspace

If you want to be polite with an ex, set yourself up for success. Prepare mentally before you’re going to see them. Try to listen to calming music or meet in a place that makes you feel relaxed. Don’t try to meet with them on a day when you’re already stressed. And try to allow time for the meeting so that you aren’t rushed as that can ramp up your anxiety.

Have a Plan

It’s easier to be polite with an ex if you just stay on topic. Prepare whatever you need to discuss with them ahead of time. You can even send them a quick text before your meeting outlining the things you two need to talk about. Don’t let them sidetrack you or stray off-topic. You’re more likely to get into an emotional situation if you let them take you off on a tangent.

Keep it Short

Keep it short and sweet if you’re wanting to be polite with an ex. The less time you’re around them, the less time you have to get into an argument. Get in and get out. Make plenty of time for them so that you don’t seem rushed, but try to wrap up the conversation as quickly as you can.

Bring a Friend

Finally, if you are worried that you won’t be able to be polite with an ex after your divorce, bring a friend for support. They and you will be less likely to get into an emotional confrontation if there’s somebody there to watch it all. You might not always need to bring back-up, but it can be helpful for the first few times you meet with them.

It’s difficult (and nearly impossible sometimes) to be polite with an ex after a divorce. There is usually a lot of bad blood between you. However, there are likely things that you’ll need to discuss with them eventually. And if you’re co-parenting, you’ll be coordinating with them for years to come. So it’s important to figure out how to maintain some friendliness. Get yourself in the right mentality ahead of time by starting from a calm place. Make a list of the things you need to discuss and prioritize those. Be quick and stay on point so that you don’t stray into emotional waters. And finally, if you are stressed, then bring a friend with you for some support. Hopefully, you and your ex will learn to co-exist peacefully so that running into them is not an emotional or stressful situation in the future.

The Dangers of Trash-Talking After Divorce

Trash-talking after divorce is never a good idea, no matter how contentious your break-up is. Although it can feel like a good release of pent-up emotions in the short term, it can harm your divorce settlement. Your friends and family might be the best options to vent to, but your emotions can fluctuate a lot. And they often don’t forget the things you’ve said. It can also hurt your divorce settlement if your ex finds out about the trash-talking. It’s very painful for children to hear one parent bashing another. And it can affect your custody arrangement as well. All in all, there is no benefit to trash-talking your ex. You might have hurt feelings or anger towards them, but it’s best to confront these emotions with a therapist or close friend, not the world-at-large.

The Dangers of Trash-Talking After Divorce: It’s Never a Good Idea

Your Friends Won’t Forget

One reason why trash-talking after divorce is dangerous is that your emotions can fluctuate a lot. Divorce is incredibly stressful. There might be times when you’re feeling very angry at your ex. And others when you’re missing the good times. If you constantly trash-talk your ex with your friends and family, they’re unlikely to be sympathetic when you’re feeling nostalgic about your relationship. They’ll only remember the negative things you’ve said in the past.

It Can Hurt Your Settlement

Another reason why trash-talking after divorce is not a good idea is that it can harm your settlement. If your ex finds out that you are bad-mouthing them, it can make the divorce even more contentious. They might get even more aggressive, and you’ll end up in a worse situation with your settlement. The more you can both get along, the better. Be especially careful about posts on social media, as those are easy to track down and you never know who might see them and send them to your ex.

It’s Painful for Children

Another negative effect of trash-talking after divorce is that it can be very painful for your children. They don’t need to hear all the details of your breakup. Your ex might not be the best partner in a marriage, but it doesn’t mean that they aren’t a loving parent. Speaking ill about the in front of children makes kids feel ashamed and guilty for loving their parent. It can hurt their self-esteem and cause resentment later. It’s best to keep things as civil as possible with your ex for the sake of your children.

It Can Affect Custody

One thing that people often don’t realize is a negative effect of trash-talking after divorce is a possible impact on your custody arrangement. Part of what a judge looks at when determining custody is seeing if you and your partner can be successful co-parents. If you are trash-talking your ex, it doesn’t show the judge that you are interested in keeping a civil relationship. A judge needs to know that you and your ex can put your differences aside to parent your children as well as possible.

Trash-talking after divorce can lead to a lot of serious consequences. Not to mention a lot of hurt feelings. While it might feel good to let off steam, if you blast your ex to your entire family or social media, it can come back to haunt you. Your friends and family are less likely to feel sympathetic when you need some support when you miss your ex. You also might antagonize your ex and make your settlement even more contentious. Your children can end up very hurt as well if you are trash-talking their other parent. And it can prove to a judge that you aren’t a good candidate for co-parenting as well. All in all, trash-talking is just never a good idea. If you feel like you need to speak to somebody about your divorce and your feelings, find a qualified divorce therapist.

How-to Improve Your Post-Divorce Sleep

After your divorce, you may notice than many aspects of your health take a hit. Post-divorce sleep is one of the areas which a lot of people struggle with. Therefore, it’s helpful to know how you can get the rest your body needs…

How-to Improve Your Post-Divorce Sleep: What to Try

Have a consistent schedule

Most people know that it’s good to get at least 8 hours of sleep each night. However, that’s only one part of getting good post-divorce sleep. It’s important to also get this sleep on a consistent schedule. When you have a consistent schedule, your body will more easily fall asleep and wake up on time.

If you don’t have a schedule, you’ll find it’s much harder to sleep. Falling asleep too early could cause you to wake up too early. At the same time, falling asleep later can make you wake up later. Trying to jump around in your schedule will just lead to an erratic sleep pattern.

Limit light exposure

Limiting your light exposure is also important for improving your post-divorce sleep. Ideally, you’ll want to sleep in a room with little to no light. This will help your body shift into its “sleep mode” faster. It’ll also allow for you to sleep without worrying about light flashes waking you up.

Don’t forget that this doesn’t just apply to things like the sun or your room’s lights. Your TV, computer, and smartphone are also included in this. Too much exposure to the blue light from our phones in particular can prevent us from falling asleep when we should.

Watch your diet

Some changes to your diet can help improve your post-divorce sleep. For example, you won’t want to consume any nicotine or caffeine before you go to sleep. These stimulants will work to keep you up instead, making it much harder to both fall and stay asleep.

You should also avoid drinking too much water and any alcohol. Having too much water can cause you to get up for frequent bathroom breaks. Alcohol can seemingly be something which makes people tired. In reality, it tends to disrupt our sleeping patterns and make people wake up throughout the night.

How-to Find a Post-Divorce Apartment

Following your divorce, you may need to start getting ready to move. Finding a new home can be both difficult and expensive. As a result, many people opt for a post-divorce apartment instead. If you’re in the market for an apartment, there’s a few things to consider while you’re searching…

How-to Find a Post-Divorce Apartment: Key Factors

Budget accordingly

One of the most important things to remember when looking for a post-divorce apartment is your budget. Your divorce may have left a bit of an impact on your finances. You may also need to completely redo your past budget. Therefore, you need to make sure your new apartment won’t break the bank.

Remember that there’s more to your apartment’s expenses than just rent. You’ll also have to consider costs like groceries and utilities as well. When you’re looking at an apartment, be sure to ask what is or isn’t included, and what other extra costs they may have.

Proximity to others

You should also consider how close your apartment is to others important to you. After your divorce, your friends and family are going to still be an important source of divorce. That’s why it may be good to find a place close-by to them. This makes it easy for them to come over and for you to spend time with them.

If you’re a parent, then you’ll especially want to give some consideration to your kids. It may be important to find a place which isn’t too far from your other co-parent to make things easier. You may also want to think about if your apartment will have enough space for your kids should they stay over there.

Future goals

Something you don’t want to forget to consider when looking for a post-divorce apartment is what your future plans are. For instance, consider what kind of job you want to work down the line. Will your apartment be close by to those opportunities? If not, then you may want to view this as just a temporary steppingstone.

Of course, you should also think about if you want to buy a new home. Some people like to stay in their apartment for a few years before settling down in a house again. Still, if you want to move into a new home sooner than that, you probably won’t want a super-long lease.