Author: Robert Reeves

How-to Practice Self-Care During a Divorce

When you start the divorce process, it may feel like you will never get through it. It may seem like an overwhelming process, mentally, physically and emotionally. It can be absolutely draining and take a big toll on your well-being. You will survive. You will make it through. In the midst of all of these emotions and to-do list items stacking up, you will need to make sure you take some time to take care of yourself. One of the most important things is to practice self-care during a divorce.

How-to Practice Self-Care During a Divorce: Be Good to Yourself

Take Care of Your Body

With everything you have to go through during a divorce, it is so important to make sure you are taking good care of your body. Start by eating right. While it is okay to indulge every now and then, do not live on a diet of junk food and comfort foods to make it through. While it may be tempting, a pint of ice cream does not count as dinner. Your body will feel so much better if you eat well-rounded meals, included fruits, vegetables, and protein.

Exercise is also a great way to practice self-care during a divorce. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which help make you happy. In addition to endorphins, exercise will make you look and feel better. You will notice positive changes to your body, both internally and externally. It will make your heart healthier, and many other amazing benefits. Plus, you will get a confidence boost from getting out and moving.

Take Care of Your Mind

Divorce can take a lot out of your mentally. that is why is also important to take care of your mind. That may mean a little something different for everyone. Take some time for yourself. Whether that means a bubble bath, curling up to read, or whatever brings you relaxation and peace. Some people prefer yoga, meditation, or even prayer as their escape. Listen to some of your favorite music, or completely unload your busy schedule for a day just to relax. All of these things will help to nourish your mind.

If you are not taking care of yourself, you will have difficulty facing everything that will get thrown at you during a divorce. Be good to your mind and your body, and you will be able to not just survive, but thrive.

How-to Communicate with Your Spouse About Money

Money is a such an integral part of our lives. According to Dave Ramsey, “Money is the number one issue married couples fight about, and it’s consistently a leading cause of divorce. This is why working through your money issues in a healthy way is actually more valuable than the money itself.” As you can see, it is incredibly important to be able to have an open, honest, and constructive dialogue about finances with your partner. In order to help prevent both financial and marital issues, you need to learn how to communicate with your spouse about money.

How-to Communicate with Your Spouse About Money: Honest Conversations

Lay it Out

First, in order to better communicate with your spouse about money, you will need to discuss the role of money in your relationship. You will need to know how each of your views money, and whether you prioritize spending or saving. Have an honest conversation about each of your philosophies about using credit cards and how much debt you are both willing to live with. Be open about any debt you are currently carrying, as keeping that a secret could end up hurting you.

Also determine how much money you realistically need to live comfortably, and go over any expected expenses or financial gains in the near future. It’s good to know both your own answers, but also where your partner stands on thee questions. If you do disagree on any points, it is important to know the reasonings behind the discrepancies.

Create Goals and Discuss Financial Responsibility

You will also want to start to discuss short and long-term financial goals. What changes can you make to set yourself up for financial success in the coming months or years? What steps can you take to prepare for the long-term future? These are all important things to lay out when you begin to communicate with your spouse about money.

It is also good to decide who who will be in charge of finances and how big decisions will be made. For example, how will you make decisions about major purchases? Or, who will be in charge of paying the bills? Another pain point in marriages is how you manage your money individually and and as a couple. Decide if you will allow individual freedom for purchases. Also, will you have joint banking accounts, or separate ones? You may also decide on a mix of both joint and individual.

Be Proactive

It helps to have these conversations before you end up running into a problem. It is best if you are able to communicate with your spouse about money from the very beginning. However, if you have not yet had those conversations, it is never too late to start.

Keep in mind that you need to continuously revisit these financial conversations. Just because you discussed them at the start of your relationship doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have them again. If you’ve been with your partner for a long time, consider taking a fresh look at your finances. Do you have any large expenses coming up? What about setting yourself up for retirement one day? Address financial issues often and with respect and understanding. This will help you both make wise decisions about your finances as a couple.

How-to Heal Your Marriage After You Cheated

Just because you cheated does not mean your marriage has to end. For many, this may be a complete deal breaker. However, some couples are able to weather the storm. Of course, there will be a lot of hurt and pain. Sure, there will likely be mistrust. Yes, it will take time – potentially an agonizingly long time. Fortunately though, there may be hope for reconciliation. If you are willing to put in the effort, there may be ways to heal your marriage after you cheated on your spouse.

How-to Heal Your Marriage After You Cheated- Getting Another Chance

Stop Bad Behaviors

First, to heal your marriage after you cheated, you need to stop cheating and lying all together. This may sound like a no-brainer, but you would be surprised how difficult it can be for some to end an affair. If you continue to cheat, your marriage will not be able to survive. You will have to make a commitment to be faithful to your spouse if you want any chance of repairing your marriage. Not only that, but you will also have to follow through on that commitment.

This also means you will have to stop lying. A strong marriage is based on the truth. Do not try and justify your unfaithful behavior. Being transparent will help to regain your spouses trust again. Hiding things from your partner will only make it more difficult to trust you again. Keep your promises and be dependable. These actions and traits could help to repair your relationship.

Remorse

Additionally, you will have to be truly remorseful for your actions in order to help heal your marriage after you cheated. Do not just simply dismiss what you have done. Your spouse will need to know that you are truly sorry for what you have done. On top of that, you will truly want to be sorry about what you have done. If you are not truly sorry, you may end up just repeating your actions again.

Time and Space

Do not be surprised or hurt if your partner needs time to work through all of this. Give them the time and the space that they need. You have got to understand that finding out that their partner was unfaithful to them can be a lot to process. Be patient and give them some time.

In order to heal your marriage, you will have to work through this together and even address your actions. You may want to consider seeing a councilor. For example, this will show that you are willing to put work into saving the marriage. These sessions will help you to discover any issues of problems in your personal life that could have led you to taking that next step. In line with Covid, you can also sign-up for a online marriage counseling programs 

While it will be a process to heal your marriage after you cheated, is can certainly be done. Stop repeating the same bad behaviors over and over again. Break the chain of adultery. If you are truly sorry, make sure your spouse knows that. Keep in kind, it may take your spouse a while to finally forgive you. Just be patient with them, and give them the space they need.

How-to Know if You Are Ready to Seek Sole Custody

People file for sole custody for various reasons, but not all of them are good ones. The battle for sole custody is now something you should enter into lightly. Joint custody grants some form of shared custody between both parents. On the other hand, only one parent can end up getting sole custody. Depending on your ex, this could turn into a challenging, and unpleasant battle. It is also a very big decision to make for your child. Since this is such a big thing to take on, you need to really know if you are ready to seek sole custody.

How-to Know if You Are Ready to Seek Sole Custody: Challenges of Divorce

Reasons

There are many reasons a parent may try and get sole custody of their child. Some people just want to hurt their ex. Other people are looking to either get more child support or to get out of paying child support. Some people do it because they can’t bear to be without their child. Whether or not it is warranted, they may even be afraid the other parent isn’t going to take care of them as well as they do.

However, the most important reason to seek sole custody is to protect your child from harm. Some parents are just not meant for co-parenting. In these cases, it is the other parent who is or may potentially harm your child. If the other parent has committed physical or sexual abuse against your child or another child, it may be a good idea to seek sold custody. Other reasons that could should consider filing for sole custody would be child neglect, incapacitating mental illness, substance abuse, or abandonment. Also, another reason would be if the parent is involved with criminal activity that affects the safety and well-being of the child.

Consider Children

While determining if you are ready to seek sole custody, you will need to consider what is best for your children. If they are old enough, be sure to ask what your child wants. While it will be difficult, honestly evaluate which situation would be best for your child and their development and well-being.

Preparation

If you are ready to seek sole custody, there are many things you will need to do to prepare. First, you must make sure that you have a safe, clean, proper home environment for the child. You should be able to maintain your physical and mental wellbeing, providing your child with an all-around good home environment.

Be sure to keep documentation of what steps you have taken to improve how have worked to improve your parenting skills. Get references for your parenting skills so that you can prove you are a fit parent. Additionally, make note of situations where the other parent did things that would make him or her an unfit parent. This documentation could be helpful in court.

How-to Get Past Feeling Shame About Divorce

There is no reason to be ashamed if your marriage did not work out. However, it is easy to feel shame. Sometimes things just do not work out in a marriage, and that is okay. As long as you tried your best and put in the effort to make things work, there is no reason to be feeling shame about divorce.

How-to Get Past Feeling Shame About Divorce: Embracing Your New Path

Give Yourself Grace

Being angry towards yourself or others is not healthy. If you are always angry, you will be unable to find inner peace. A good first step would be to give your ex and yourself grace. It may be hard to feel compassion and give grace towards your ex, but just know that both of you are doing the best you can. Once you stop hating your ex, you will begin to develop a positivity and inner peace. This inner peace will help alleviate your feeling shame about divorce.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Do not let your thoughts control you. Just because you have a thought does not mean it is real or true. When you have negative thoughts about yourself, start to question those thoughts. Ask yourself: is this true? What is the evidence for and against this belief?  Does this way of thinking hurt or help? What would change in my life if I didn’t have this thought? You will be on a path towards no longer feeling shame about divorce once you move past judging yourself.

Surround Yourself with Positivity

In many cases, is true that you are who you surround yourself with. If you only hang around people who are very negative, you will start to feel that way too. In order to stop feeling shame about divorce, surround yourself with positive people. These people will lift you up instead of bringing you down. Spend less time with negative people, especially those who make you feel bad about yourself.

Personal Growth

This time of change is a great opportunity to make some personal growth. Take the time to work through any feelings or struggles you nay have. Do not be ashamed about talking to someone about what you are going through. It can be a therapist, support group, or even a friend. Once you have started working on yourself, letting the good in and keeping the bad out, you can finally start to heal. This process will help you no longer feel shame about divorce.

You can also start seeking hobbies that you enjoy or learn something new. By making an effort to learn new things and do things you enjoy, you will start feeling more confident and happy.

Avoid Social Media

Viewing everyone else’s highlights can really bring you down. You may be looking at every else’s “happy families”. This could lead to you feeling shame about divorce. Know that the things people post on social media are very curated, and usually do not show their real struggles. Do not let this get to you. Just remove or limit the amount of social media you use. If you notice that someone specifics profile bothers you, just unfollow them. This will keep you from negatively comparing yourself to other people.

How-to Spot a Cheating Spouse

You have an uneasy feeling in the back of your mind. You have picked up on things that have made you wonder and question “Are they cheating on me?” over and over again. You will wonder if you overanalyzing things or going crazy. Unfortunately, this feeling is more common than you think, and you may not be going crazy. Learn more about how you can possibly spot a cheating spouse.

How-to Spot a Cheating Spouse: Marital Affair

Being Secretive

One thing to watch out for is a spouse that is being very secretive with his or her phone or computer. A cheater will start to really guard their phone or computer, and clear their history frequently. They will likely be very jumpy and defensive when you ask about their phone of computer as well. You will notice they do not want to part with their phone or set it down. Also, they certainly will not let you look at their devices. Unless there is a chance they could be planning something like a surprise party for you, all of these actions could be seen as very suspicious.

Improved Appearance

Has your spouse never concerned themself with spending time grooming, then all of the sudden starts always looking put together out of no where? Are they suddenly going out for runs, when you could hardly get them to go for a walk with you before? They could be trying to look better for you, or they could be trying to look better for someone else. Be especially wary if they look the same at home, but suddenly start trying way harder for work or special events.

Of course, your spouse could have really just had a pivotal moment and really be trying to get in shape or taking care of themself. Perhaps they just had a health scare or have been feeling down about how they have let themself go. They maybe even are just trying for a big promotion at work. Know that just because they suddenly start caring does not automatically mean that you have an unhealthy marriage or that you have a cheating spouse.

Change in Intimacy

Has there been a sudden change or decrease the the frequency of intimacy you have with your spouse? It could be because they are being intimate with someone else. Alternatively, they could be wanting to be intimate with you more often out of guilt.

Unreachable

Another possible sign is that your spouse is unreachable for long periods of a time. Do you hear, “My phone died and I didn’t have a charger” on the regular? Or is there suddenly all kinds of areas of no service that have popped up all over your town? Be especially wary if they are unreachable on a business trip.

While these do not necessarily mean you have a cheating spouse, they should certainly raise red flags. Do not drive yourself crazy obsessing over it, but perhaps bring it up with your spouse or even hire a private investigator to clear your mind. If you do decide to ask or investigate, just be prepared for what you could find. Although you may be pleasantly surprised to learn there was nothing to be worried about at all.

How-to Handle Adopting Multiple Children: Siblings

You may feel a calling for adopting multiple children. This could come in the form of adopting siblings or just multiple waiting children. Adding one child, let alone more than one, into your family will bring many changes. Here are some steps to take while going through the process of adopting several children.

How-to Handle Adopting Multiple Children: Things to Consider

Why Multiples?

In some cases, a child in the foster system may have had their brother or sister as their only constant in their life. They will have had their entire world turned upside down at some point in their life, sometimes more than once. They will be separated from their parents and everything they know. Their sibling will be someone who can relate to what they are going through and understand them. As you can see, adopting multiple children by adopting siblings will help to keep these brothers and sisters together with someone they have a bond with.

Around 2/3 of all kids in foster care in the US have a sibling in foster care as well. Unfortunately, many of these children will end up bring separated from their brothers and sisters. The most common reason for their separation is because foster care workers can not find a forever home for all of the children together. By deciding to adopt siblings, you will be keeping this family together.

Things to Consider

One of the things to consider when adopting multiple children is if you are ready for this commitment. This will be a very big change, and you need to make sure that you are ready. Assess your home to make sure it is suitable for bringing multiple children into it. Really dig deep and make sure that if you are married or in a relationship, that you are both ready for this. This whole experience will have to be a team effort to make it work.

Another thing to do is to do your own research. There are websites that go over things you should know about adopting multiples. You can also connect with families who have adopted siblings on the AdoptUSKids Facebook page.

Adopting can be a difficult, yet rewarding process. You take this to the next level when thinking about adopting multiple children. Keeping siblings together could be very beneficial to your adoptive child, and can be one way of growing your family.

How-to Handle Co-Parenting and Vacations

After your divorce is finalized, there will come a time when you or your ex will want to go on a vacation with the kids. There will be things that will be different about this trips than when it was before the divorce. While you may feel this tricky, there was ways to handle co-parenting and vacations easily.

How-to Handle Co-Parenting and Vacations: Post-Divorce Considerations

Advanced Notice

You will want to give your ex advanced notice about any trip that you may be going on with the kids. If you have shared-custody, you will want to give plenty of time to rearrange custody times if needed. You would want the same courtesy in return if your ex wanted to take the kids on the trip.

It may also take some time for the party staying at home to get used to the idea that their kids are going to be going away for a while. The parent staying at home may want to fill their time with other things to take their mind off things while the kids are off having fun with their other parent. This is especially true if the kids are going on a trip with the ex plus someone they are dating, or even new spouse. Plan some time with some friends or do some self-pampering in the meantime.

Medical History

Another thing to think about with co-parenting and vacations is your child’s health. It is important for the safety of the kids that both parents are both up-to-date on the kid’s medical history. Think about things such as medications, allergies and health conditions. A full list of any doctors or health conditions would be important to share as well. It would be terrible for something to happen while on vacation and the parent with them be uninformed about the child’s medical history. This could actually prove to be life threatening. Make sure to have open communication about this and discuss it before anyone leaves on a trip.

Stay in Touch

Keep the other parent at home informed with the best way to get in contact with you while you are on your trip. Even if you will not have cell phone service, give the information for the accommodations you will be staying at. This way if there is an emergency, there will be some line of commuication.

Also, let the other parent know about any changes in plans or itinerary. That way the other parent will be able to feel better about knowing where the kids are. Communication helps with trust. This will definitely help the process of vacations while co-parenting go better.

Divorce Decisions: What To Know

A divorce can be more in-depth than you may initially believe. As such, it’s important to know what sort of divorce decisions you may need to make. These decisions in particular tend to be especially important, so it’s good to have an idea for them ahead of time…

Divorce Decisions: Considering Your Options

Custody plans

One of the important divorce decisions you’ll need to make is about custody of the kids. Ideally, most parents like to try and set up a co-parenting plan. However, trying to make one at the last-minute can be a source of frustration. In fact, things can get so frustrating that some couples walk away from the idea altogether, which can lead to nasty court battles.

To avoid this, try and talk to your ex in advance about a co-parenting plan. When you have time to plan, it becomes a lot easier to figure out a fair solution. That way, you both can still get to be involved in raising your kids.

Splitting assets

Other important divorce decisions relate to how you determine who gets what. Most of the things you have gotten together while married will need to split between the two of you. It’s no surprise that a lot of divorces tend to turn sour when former spouses begin fighting over what they are or aren’t willing to give up.

This is why it’s good to consider what you’re willing to give up ahead of time. By knowing what you’re okay with splitting, it becomes easier to hold on to the things you want to keep. That way, you and your ex can strike a good and fair balance and compromise on some things you may both want. This will help you avoid messy, drawn out fights in the courtroom.

Living arrangements

Some divorce decisions will involve where you’ll live after your divorce. Usually, what tends to happen is one spouse will keep the house while the other will move somewhere else. Or, it could be that the person who keeps the home decides to sell it, and both spouses will move somewhere new. Much like with splitting assets, it’s good to discuss this early and figure out where you both stand on the matter.

It’s also helpful to think about what your options are, especially if you don’t want to keep the house. Start looking in advance for potential new places where you can live. There’s nothing wrong with moving in with family or friends for a while as well, so you can get back on your feet and find the right place for you.

Friends with Your Ex’s Family: What to Consider

When a marriage ends, does that mean that you have to completely cut ties with their whole family too? There is a lot to consider when determining this. When you married your spouse, you became a part of their family too. It can be difficult to determine if getting a divorce means that you have to stop being friends with your ex’s family too.

Friends with Your Ex’s Family: The Options

Reasons for Divorce

There is a lot to think about when you are deciding if you should stay friends with your ex’s family. First, you need to look at what the reasons were for your divorce. If you had a friendly divorce, this decision will not be so difficult. On the other hand, was it violence, abuse, cheating or addiction? If you are around their family, you may have to relive some of these painful memories.

Keep in mind that your ex-spouse’s family might be more willing to offer you the support that you need and that you didn’t receive from your spouse. However, you should not expect that this will be the case. Remember that your ex’s family will inevitable stay loyal to your ex, so you need to be sure to know where your boundaries are and exercise caution.

Kids

Did you have kids with your ex? This is something to consider when deciding if you should stay friends with your ex’s family. Keep in mind that your ex’s family would be your children’s family too. Your ex’s parents are your kid’s grandparents. Their siblings would be your kid’s aunts and uncles. Your kids could have cousins on your ex’s side too.

As long as your ex’s family would be loving to your children, it is difficult to keep your kids away from your ex’s family. They will want to see their grandkids, nieces or nephews. Try and consider your kids when making this choice. Maintaining a pleasant family environment for your children is likely to help them through this transition in their life.

Moving On

You do need to consider if hanging out with your ex’s family too often will make it difficult to move on and build new relationships. Can you really begin to focus on yourself if you haven’t given yourself the opportunity to let go of the past? Perhaps being such close friends with them will keep you from accepting that your marriage is really over.

On the other hand, maybe your ex-family is all that you really have in terms of a family. Their support and friendship may help you get through this difficult transition in your life.

There are many things to consider when you are decide if you should stay friends with your ex’s family. Take time to think through these points and determine what is best for you. Don’t feel bad about letting your relationship with their family evolve over time if your needs or circumstances change.